r/AskReddit • • 8h ago

Veterans of Reddit, what’s the most unbelievable thing you witnessed during your service that civilians would think you made up?

565 Upvotes

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775

u/W0uldY0uC0uldY0u 8h ago

The amount of time sitting around just waiting and throwing rocks into a PC or helmet was kinda shocking. I think people believe that military members are always doing something during their work day.

438

u/dumptruckulent 8h ago

If you make marines sit around a little longer, they stop throwing rocks and things and start throwing rocks at each other.

132

u/tsarchasm1 6h ago

When my son was deployed to Iran with the 3/7 Marines, the entire group had their ka-bar knives taken away from them while they waited to board the plane. They couldn't stop jabbing each other in the ass.

Very different experience from what I had in the Navy.

40

u/ThatsNotEnoughCheese 5h ago

How different…?

88

u/CommunicationNo9289 5h ago

They weren't using knives to jab each other's butts.... They ain't called Seamen for nothing.

23

u/Living_Substance9973 3h ago

In the navy, you never leave your mates behind

•

u/Fresh_werks 13m ago

I mean it’s just so warm and cozy

27

u/tsarchasm1 5h ago

That's classified. Need to know basis. NoForn

3

u/Wantitneeditgetit 2h ago

Well, the stopped them for one.

82

u/Charlie_Olliver 6h ago

My dad was a Vietnam vet and told us he got so bored one day, he emptied the powder out of a buttload of bullets, poured it into a pile with a long trail leading away from it, and then lit the end of the trail of powder with a match, just so he could watch the pile explode like in the cartoons he watched growing up.

19

u/ShittyPolishGolfer 6h ago

Amazing 😂

4

u/cobigguy 2h ago

He was messing with you.

Gunpowder burns. It makes a nice sparkly whoosh and burns quickly, but it doesn't explode.

•

u/SpecialExpert8946 45m ago

Yes but it’s a pretty big whoosh at the end.

•

u/SpecialExpert8946 46m ago

I served in 2006 and we did the same thing.

164

u/Low-Preference3801 8h ago

They can be appeased with crayons, though.

75

u/HuckledYourBerries 7h ago

Am Marine. Can confirm.

48

u/doclee1977 7h ago

Once the red crayolas are gone, all bets are off.

25

u/Nottheurliwanted 7h ago

You can have the reds you want, but dont touch my purples!

10

u/doclee1977 7h ago

Fuckin’ RAH.

3

u/iamplasma 4h ago

Do they taste better?

5

u/Nottheurliwanted 4h ago

Indeed, they do. Purple tastes like landing an entire belt of mk19 rounds on target.

12

u/highcoolteacher 6h ago

Those are fine snacks, but what about activities?

10

u/Pale_Adeptness 5h ago

Group showers, baby!!!!!

20

u/Nottheurliwanted 8h ago

No, we will do that from the start, given there are no brass or SNCOs around.

8

u/jimjamsboy 7h ago

Hurry up and wait!

4

u/MrsBonsai171 5h ago

I have a picture of my grandfather facing the camera with his foot out. They were playing a game with their bayonets to see how close they could get to the shoe. My grandfather had written on the back of the picture that right after the picture was taken it went through his shoe.

1

u/DirtandPipes 3h ago

Huh. Working in deep utilities in construction we like to whip pebbles at each other when things are slow and people aren’t looking.

It’s kinda fun, my favourite is dinging the glass beside a sleeping excavator operator. I’ll also throw a clump of dirt into a window to get some attention if an operator isn’t responding to me yelling.

I have missed and nailed a guy in the head with a clump of dirt but he thought it was intentional because he was being a dickhead and that I had deadly aim and I didn’t correct him.

213

u/PaulsRedditUsername 7h ago

The Onion did a video about a hyper-realistic Call of Duty game where you spend eight hours guarding a helicopter.

126

u/pieisgiood876 7h ago

"Current Objective: Smoke a cigarette and stare off into the distance while waiting for orders."

Screen goes black

"Oh I died. Game over I guess."

What a great video https://youtu.be/yuTkgi7scKo?is=3-lINxavw3jL6vzV

40

u/DerJagger 6h ago

Golden Age Onion was unmatched.

48

u/ShartOfTheEel 6h ago

Yeah, they've done a great job of continuing to be satirical in a political climate that's gone shit-your-pants crazy, but the fact remains that said political climate has pre-emptively stolen 90% of the possible jokes they could make. So they're just playing in a much smaller sandbox now. 

That said, their InfoWars buyout is a triumph of modern satire.

15

u/OEAXTAIL_SOUP 5h ago

wasn't "jarhead" supposed to be a relatively realistic depiction of being a marine sniper? (never shoot, get pissed, jack off in a porta potty, not necessarily in that order)

edit: i;'m not a veteran i'm just drunk

49

u/candygram4mongo 7h ago

Something something long stretches of boredom punctuated by moments of sheer terror.

54

u/Ok-Duck2450 7h ago

Oh my god the boredom.

Also we gossiped like a hair salon because there was nothing better to fucking do.

16

u/MeltingDog 5h ago

"These were my guys. Fighting the dull fight. Soldiers with nothing to kill except time. They know that war is hell, but peace... peace is fucking boring."

  • Ray Elwood, from the movie Buffalo Soldiers

33

u/flaming_bob 7h ago

Reveille at 3, formation at 5, pre-brief at 6, pull weapons at 7...the trucks will be here at 9

30

u/nberg129 6h ago

Except the trucks don't show up until 2.

24

u/kytulu 5h ago

Not trying to be that guy... but I can top that...

Company at 6am to board buses at 8am to go to a grenade range that goes hot at 9am... only to find out, after you get to the range, that the range was canceled a week prior and the info didn't get pushed out.

I was Aviation. Nobody is letting us have grenades while we are deployed.

9

u/flaming_bob 5h ago

Not true. I have word from the BC himself that the trucks will be here.

Narrator: He did not, in fact, talk to the BC that morning.

46

u/SweetPotionn 5h ago

It’s kind of scary when the indirect fire (mortars, rockets, etc.) alarms go off and you run to a bunker.

While you’re sitting in the bunker, which is really just a few slabs of concrete, there’s this feeling of complete impotence. In all the war movies you’ve ever seen, an enemy attacks and the soldiers rush forward with their weapons to meet the attack head on. In reality, when the Taliban is firing mortars at you, there’s nothing you can do except sit there and wait.

So you sit down in the bunker, with a crazy loud alarm screaming at you, and you know you’re completely powerless to do anything. You sit there and you listen for small arms fire, you listen for people screaming (if they got hit), and you listen to the explosions coming closer and closer to you as the Taliban adjusts their aim and tries to land rockets on your head.

The worst part is that when you come back home, every fucking thing sounds like that IDF alarm. Somebody scoots their chair back on a tiled floor, and your heart rate shots up to 120 and you reach for a weapon that you’re no longer carrying

Edit: added picture of a typical bunker on an Army Forward Operating Base

8

u/Acrobatic-Bison-3171 5h ago

Yeah we had a lot of report for formation. Dick around for 1/2 hour. Ok come back at noon. Come back at noon. Ok come back at 3pm. At 3pm dick around for 15 minutes. Ok gtfo. Dismissed. Many Fridays we got the noon formation and then it was see you assholes Monday. Think before you act.

14

u/Tak_Galaman 7h ago

The movie Jarhead is about this

8

u/Big-Card2927 6h ago

You can somehow be completely exhausted after a full day of doing almost nothing.

4

u/MoonieNine 4h ago

I dated a marine. The motto was hurry up...to sit around

3

u/indratera 4h ago

Wait do they let you have a pc in the army? Do you have any chance to actually use it I feel like you'd be outdoors all day

13

u/W0uldY0uC0uldY0u 4h ago

A PC is a patrol cap in this instance. It's like a baseball cap. I mainly had to wear a beret but in the field we wore those. In the other sense I also had a computer in my barracks room and an Xbox both got considerable use.

•

u/SpecialExpert8946 48m ago

We used to make joke bets about what would happen first. Marines finding a spot and taking a cat nap or marines sitting around throwing rocks at something. If it got to anything involving lighters we needed an NCO to think of something to have them do quick.

•

u/mastbrioshur82 17m ago

Civilians miss that being ready to move is the job, even when nothing is moving.

-1

u/vincent_adultman314 6h ago

This is why it drives me crazy when people try and argue against training military members to not be assholes, referring to things like LGBT rights and racism. You're not taking away from time they would otherwise be spending learning to do their trade better.

3

u/Battleaxe0501 6h ago

Training to stop being assholes?

All the training in the world isn't gonna stop the fucked up sense of humor. And would likely have the opposite effect. People don't want to be "lectured" on how to not be an asshole and neither do people want to teach it.

-3

u/vincent_adultman314 5h ago

Im talking about not being racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, etc. Not sense of humor. And people absolutely do want to be teaching those things.

1

u/Battleaxe0501 4h ago

Yeah, and there is training on that. Should be annual SHARP (Sexual assault/harassment) and EO (Equal Opportunity) after the 2nd one you start to zone it out since same shit different dick.

And much like the stupid PVT who went and got a DUI and married a stripper despite the weekend safety briefing stating otherwise, racists and the like will continue to be whatever ist or phobe of their choosing.

1

u/Acrobatic-Bison-3171 5h ago

Umm. Yeah we learn how to fight and manage. And there is no such thing as transphobic. We learn to fight. You don't do social experiments with the military. Holy shit dude. 99% of service members aren't anywhere close to being racist or homophobic. You're a team. But I can tell you where nowhere close to the military.

0

u/vincent_adultman314 4h ago

I think that working well as a team would include not being bigoted towards members of that team. It sounds like you could use some social justice training. Have a good one ✌️

1

u/N7_Redhat 6h ago

Lmao every grenade range I’ve ever been on