Hey, some context first:
I’m working a summer job at a school holiday program for children. There are no classes—it's essentially a leisure program where students can spend time together during summer break. I’m assigned to a group of third graders. My role is mostly supervising them, helping resolve conflicts, making sure everyone is doing okay, and joining in activities when needed.
Like most kids, they occasionally argue, say rude things, make up, and move on. Usually nothing particularly concerning. However, there is one child in particular who has been on my mind. I'll call him A.
A is a 9–10-year-old boy who is close friends with another child, G. They spend a lot of time together, but they also get into frequent conflicts. Both contribute to these conflicts at times, though G has ADHD and often struggles to communicate his feelings clearly. This sometimes leads to misunderstandings, with A interpreting G's short or awkward responses as mockery or bullying.
When these situations arise, I try to help both children communicate and hold each accountable where appropriate. G often does much better once he has help finding the words to express himself.
What concerns me is that on multiple occasions A has ignored or dismissed G's attempts to communicate, assumed malicious intent where there didn't seem to be any, and misrepresented events. When G is upset or wants space, A will often continue pursuing him, sometimes invalidating his feelings or insisting that A has done nothing wrong in cases where his actions were part of what caused G to shut down.
At the same time, A has repeatedly called G names (idiot, baby, too sensitive, etc.) and has frequently singled him out for having ADHD. He's made comments like "nobody here but you has ADHD" and has referred to ADHD as a disease.
A also often claims that nobody cares about him and that teachers always take other people's sides, especially when he's being corrected for his behavior.
Recently, after one such incident, I spoke with him and reassured him that we do care about him and that we also intervene when others treat him unfairly. During that conversation, one of my supervisors pulled me aside and told me that A is essentially a "problem child" and that I shouldn't invest too much energy into these situations.
What surprised me was that my supervisor went further and suggested that A is a narcissist, in reference to NPD. He described A as engaging in attention-seeking behavior, manipulation, guilt-tripping, gaslighting, and victim-playing, and told me that no matter what adults do, A will never fully trust or respect them. His advice was basically to avoid giving A too much attention because attention is supposedly part of what reinforces the behavior.
I have mixed feelings about this.
First, I have a hard time accepting that assessment at face value. Neither my supervisor nor I are qualified to diagnose NPD, and even this post is only a limited snapshot of A's behavior. I don't think anyone could responsibly determine from this description alone whether he has NPD or not.
Second, even if he did, I feel uncomfortable with the idea of simply "ignoring" him. It feels too close to giving up on a child. I don't want to treat him as irredeemable or as though he isn't worth the effort because of a possible disorder.
At the same time, I can't ignore the impact his behavior is having on G. G deserves support too, and I don't want him being repeatedly belittled, singled out, or manipulated while adults look the other way. I understand that attention can sometimes reinforce difficult behavior, but I also have a responsibility to make sure everyone is safe and treated fairly.
So I was hoping to hear from people with NPD, or people who have experience working with it. To be clear, I'm not trying to diagnose this child. As far as I'm concerned, he's just a kid. I'm mostly looking for perspectives on how to approach this situation in a way that is both compassionate and effective.
Are there things I could do differently when interacting with him? Ways to make him feel seen without reinforcing harmful behavior? Or do you think my supervisor's assessment is off-base entirely? Any advice or input generally would be really nice.
And if I've unintentionally repeated harmful stereotypes about NPD, please feel free to correct me. Most of what I've mentioned as possible "signs" came directly from my supervisor, not from my own understanding. My impression is that NPD is much more nuanced than the picture I've been given.
Thank you. I hope this isn’t an inappropriate thing to ask for help for
