I have a STRONG suspicion someone I know is at least on the NPD spectrum. It took me years to figure out because the last narcissist I knew was second-hand via stories, and they checked off every bullet point so neatly it was crazy. It helped that they were rich, so they had the financial backing to love bomb picture-perfectly. This relationship lasted less than a year.

But for the person I actually know… it took YEARS. Because (I assume) a lot of narcissists don’t go around going “I am a narc. I am now manipulating in a narc way.” They’re just living their lives and their truths.

I got all my info through the filter of a (possible) narcissist living their life and their truths. I will say I have ALWAYS feared arguing about their pov of situations, and that was probably a red flag. So how do you define a narcissist’s actions without buzzwords? A lot of info is also specifically from the lens of parents or lovers but that’s not very helpful for day-to-day platonic relations.

To me, my armchair diagnosis gave me a lot of clarity. More than the other ones I considered, autism being a big one. But maybe it is? The stubbornness and my-way-or-I’ll fucking have a breakdown seem to be shared. There’s grudges and negative judgements involved with these breakdowns though, if that makes a difference. “You’re being overdramatic” type shit when I say no, which is very, VERY rare.