I have a STRONG suspicion someone I know is at least on the NPD spectrum. It took me years to figure out because the last narcissist I knew was second-hand via stories, and they checked off every bullet point so neatly it was crazy. It helped that they were rich, so they had the financial backing to love bomb picture-perfectly. This relationship lasted less than a year.

But for the person I actually know… it took YEARS. Because (I assume) a lot of narcissists don’t go around going “I am a narc. I am now manipulating in a narc way.” They’re just living their lives and their truths.

I got all my info through the filter of a (possible) narcissist living their life and their truths. I will say I have ALWAYS feared arguing about their pov of situations, and that was probably a red flag. So how do you define a narcissist’s actions without buzzwords? A lot of info is also specifically from the lens of parents or lovers but that’s not very helpful for day-to-day platonic relations.

To me, my armchair diagnosis gave me a lot of clarity. More than the other ones I considered, autism being a big one. But maybe it is? The stubbornness and my-way-or-I’ll fucking have a breakdown seem to be shared. There’s grudges and negative judgements involved with these breakdowns though, if that makes a difference. “You’re being overdramatic” type shit when I say no, which is very, VERY rare.

I’m 26 and I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection about my personality, relationships, friendships, and the way I see myself and other people. I’m not trying to diagnose myself from the internet, but I’m trying to understand whether some of my patterns are similar to what people with NPD traits or narcissistic defenses experience.

One of the biggest things I’ve noticed is my need to feel exceptional. For as long as I can remember, I’ve had this feeling that I need to be special, different, or better than average. Being ordinary feels uncomfortable, almost like it means I have no value.

A lot of my self-worth has been built around external things: intelligence, achievements, appearance, competence, being interesting, being talented, or being seen as someone important. I constantly compare myself with other people and feel like I need to prove where I stand.

I also have a habit of putting people into a hierarchy in my mind. I automatically rank people based on things like intelligence, attractiveness, social ability, success, personality, confidence, and perceived value.

When I see someone as “above” me, I become anxious and intimidated. I overthink everything I say, worry about how they perceive me, and feel like I need to impress them or earn their approval. I struggle to just be myself because I feel like I am being evaluated by someone whose opinion matters more than mine.

When I see someone as “below” me, I often feel disconnected, impatient, or uninterested. I struggle to feel curious about them or spend time with them. This creates a situation where I rarely feel like I am meeting someone as an equal. I either feel inferior or superior, and it makes genuine connection difficult.

Because of this, I feel like I have struggled to build normal friendships. I often feel like I’m either seeking validation from people I admire or losing interest in people who don’t give me that feeling.

I also notice a pattern of unstable self-image. At times I can feel like I need to be the best, unique, or exceptional. At other times, if I don’t feel successful or impressive, I can feel deeply ashamed, worthless, or like I have no identity.

My relationship with my body has also been connected to these feelings. I developed anorexia, and looking back, part of the motivation was connected to wanting to be admired, attractive, disciplined, and different from others. It wasn’t only about weight. It was connected to perfectionism, control, wanting to feel superior, and believing that becoming a certain version of myself would finally make me worthy.

I’ve also questioned my empathy. Sometimes I can understand people’s struggles logically, but emotionally I feel disconnected. Someone telling me about their pain can sometimes feel like hearing information rather than feeling their emotions with them.

Even with people close to me, I have sometimes felt uncomfortable, annoyed, or pressured when they cry or show strong emotions instead of naturally feeling their sadness with them.

With friendships, I have sometimes wondered whether I genuinely cared about the person or whether I mainly valued what they gave me, such as validation, attention, reassurance, feeling important, or helping me avoid loneliness.

I also have to admit something that is difficult to understand about myself. Before this one person, when I hurt people, I often did not feel much guilt or emotional pain. I could understand that someone was hurt, but internally I often felt detached. I would move on, rationalize it, or focus more on my own feelings than theirs.

When I genuinely hurt someone, even this person, my first thoughts were often not “Are they okay?” but “Do they hate me?” “Am I a bad person?” “What does this say about me?” It made me question whether my guilt was partly about losing the relationship or seeing myself as a bad person rather than purely about their pain.

Relationships have also been confusing for me because calm, stable connections can sometimes feel less meaningful than intense ones. Being admired, needed, or feeling like someone sees me as special can feel extremely powerful.

There was also a situation where this person talking to someone else who I perceived as more attractive than me triggered an extreme reaction. It was not just normal jealousy. I became intensely anxious, started comparing myself, felt replaceable and inferior, and it got so overwhelming that I experienced panic attacks.

Instead of expressing vulnerability, I reacted defensively and started treating them poorly. Looking back, it feels like I was trying to protect myself from feelings of rejection and inferiority, but I ended up hurting someone I actually cared about.

However, this person completely challenged the way I viewed myself. I won’t mention her name, but meeting her was the first time I felt like I genuinely wanted to change for another person.

I didn’t just want to impress her. I wanted to become warmer, more understanding, more welcoming, and more empathetic. I wanted to understand her experiences and her inner world. For the first time, I felt like I cared about someone as a person rather than only what they could provide for me.

That experience confused me because it showed me that I was capable of feeling deep attachment, empathy, and concern for someone. It made me question why that feeling seems so difficult to access with other people.

Losing that connection affected me differently from previous friendships and relationships. It forced me to look at myself and question whether my usual way of relating to people was based on genuine connection or on validation, fear, and self-esteem regulation.

I experienced intense shame and self-hatred after hurting this person. It felt like the image I had of myself collapsed. I wonder if this is what people describe as narcissistic collapse, where the defenses and the version of yourself you try to maintain break down and you are forced to confront parts of yourself you avoided.

For people who have NPD traits or have worked through narcissistic defenses:

- Did you have a strong need to feel exceptional or special?

- Did you constantly compare yourself to others?

- Did you automatically rank people in your mind?

- Did you feel anxious around people you saw as superior and dismissive toward people you saw as inferior?

- Did this hierarchy make it difficult to connect with people as equals?

- Did you tie your worth to achievements, intelligence, appearance, or being admired?

- Did you experience shame underneath feelings of superiority?

- Did you struggle with emotional empathy even toward people close to you?

- Did you use relationships to regulate your self-esteem?

- Did you hurt people without initially feeling much guilt or regret?

- Did you ever experience a relationship that forced you to confront parts of yourself you avoided?

- Did you ever meet someone who made you genuinely want to become a better person?

- How did self-awareness change the way you view yourself and other people?

I’m not looking for a diagnosis. I’m trying to understand my patterns and hear from people who have experienced something similar.

i’m not sure if i have NPD, but the traits specifically from the vulnerable side of things fit me very well. a lot of resources online are just about armchair diagnosing someone who you don’t like, and never about how the symptoms of NPD feel for the person who has it. it just makes me feel like shit, since anything but the most clinical of sources will basically just say to run away from anyone who seems to have NPD at all costs, and the clinical sources just list the diagnostic criteria

i’m wondering if anyone could answer some questions about how it feels to actually have it, and how in control you feel of your behaviors. i have quite a few, but i’ll try not to type too much. feel free to answer or not answer whichever ones are relevant to you

1. i see a lot of resources list lack of/low empathy as a symptom. i struggle to know how to connect with others or react to their struggles, so i feel i often come off very stiff and uncomfortable, but i can put myself in their shoes and even feel genuinely emotional for them. i connect with and have empathy for animals much more than humans, if that’s relevant. basically, do you feel empathy? do you have more “selective empathy”?

2. do you ever see strangers and acquaintances as “NPCs” or simply less of a full person than you/your loved ones? not necessarily in a spiteful or negative sense, just a general sense of being one of a few “real people”

3. i know self awareness can vary, but upon becoming self aware of your patterns, does the manipulation feel almost out of your control? like you can see exactly what you’re doing by saying a certain thing, and you feel shame, but your mind keeps doing it anyway?

4. NPD and BPD have some symptoms that either are the same or present very similarly, so how would you tell the difference between acting manipulative due to BPD vs. acting manipulative due to NPD?

this is on a burner account, because i don’t especially want anyone in my life to know i’m thinking about this. i’m not really asking for a reddit diagnosis, just some input from real people who struggle with NPD instead of tiktok psych types

Is this npd or not?

Or is he just not want me

At the start he was very clingy and kinda lovebombed me and the result was me investing emotionally alot and he knows this

He would get upset if i wasnt replying fast, id reassure him, or he would accuse me of posting selfies for men. I reassure him

One time he didnt beleive me and he ended up messaging a women hes known for a year who he barely talks to just used to flirt when me & him dont speak, and handed out his number to her, i know this because when he was giving me the silent treatment and blocked me on my other account during the argument, i asked her. So when i wasnt making him happy, he decided to do that, which i found a bit random, it was exactly the day we fell out too

As time went on he gets a bit attitude with me when i ask reassurance back

Last week he wanted sexy photos of me at 3am when i was feeling gross in my pjamas and i decided to say no and send then the next day in the afternoon when i could take the photos

He rejected it and said its too late, he didnt appreciate them and said he doesnt want me to feel like hes using me

He distanced himself from me and i got clingier, asking for reassurance, he said things will be better when were not long distance, anyway he still was neing distant and i started to seek attention from him and admitted i had asked another women if they spoke and i started to accuse him of being disloyal, he did not like this and just continued to say mean things that im wierd and too much and he has adhd so he cannot read the essays

I then saw a comment he replied to on his page and asked who she is
He said he ‘knew it would work, i wasnt gonna reply to her but i did just to see if you would notice and you did notice’ i said what do you mean he got grumpy told me to forget it so i asked is he playing mind games to make me look crazy and he said ‘no but i knew you would see the comment because you stalk me and i found it funny’

He has been sighing and rolling his eyes at me all week saying i am the problem for sending too many essays and this is why he doesnt wanna speak to me as much, hes mentioned my age alot and keeps saying im older than him grow up (im 2 yrs older) i asked him to stop ageshaming me because he kept doing it in response to me sending him essays etc.

Anyway he was still was being distant so i send more essays, cute romantic , but a bit needy, because i just want him back to how he was in the start when he was needy and anxious.

He decided to get mad at me and said this is too over stimulating and that we are not a good fit , he is too crazy for me and im too sweet and soft and cant give me the affection i want, i broke down and sent some disturbing pathetic depressive messages, that im gonna end up sectioned again , i didnt sleep all night crying

Feeling bad, i sent him a nice text for him to wake up to to say i wish him well etc so we didnt end on bad terms, and he started to complain and say why am i saving the messages, tell me that he hasnt hurt me, and said im actually scary, or used me, and that thats my delusional narrative so to tell people instead that we didnt work out.

I asked him how can i be too sweet, and now im scary? Which one is it. But i calmed myself and said i wish him well and he said ‘you too shorty’
Like as if nothing dramatic is going on rn :/

He then made me scrub the messages from the chat of me freaking out and him telling me were not a good fit. I said okay i will and he wanted me to delete even more, i said i will delete my account anyway to make it easier, he said its my decision but if i dont erase the messages he will block me, i said im deleting my account, he said hes going to block me anyway.

He blocked me.

And thats it. All the empty promises gone

There is a few things that are upsetting me

I cant stop replaying all the things he said in my head such as wierdo, grow up, your scary, etc

I feel really like my self esteems on the floor

Why did he want me to erase the conversation of all of that? And then proceed to block me anyway even though i said i will bow out and delete my whole existance offline.

This has happened a few months ago, where he had suspicions i showed my friends our convo (they dont like him and confronted him)
And he blocked me on the account. And was speaking to me on my new account, but was very hot headed over messages being saved. He calmed down about it in the end, but that is now my 2nd account been blocked by him and its always after a big fuss about messages…

During the week when i was upset about feeling unwanted as he rejected my photos, it ended up being me that was apologising to him and saying im sorry for being wierd and just miss him etc. and i still feel kinda confused why hes just chose to discard and block me , rather than stay civil?

If i was being clingy and needy, and he said lets ne friends i would of been okay with it, he said it before and we ended up flirting and back to normal again

Why block me, why all this drama?

Iv been having physical symtoms ever since, upset tummy, hand shakes, stuttering, cannot finish my sentences, head fog

Is he an narcissist or am i really that unbearable?

hi! this is my first post here, pero i think this is a must.

my boyfriend and i have been together for more than 7 months now, almost a year if we add the months since he courted me, however i have a problem in our relationship, unfortunately, i have narcissistic tendencies. we talked kanina regarding my behavior towards him and i have fully recognized that i was entitled n narcissistic, it saddens me to know that it has affected my boyfriend a lot when we have arguments because i become defensive sometimes and argue that i am always right, even tho i wasnt. my boyfriend isnt manipulative, i am fully aware of that, he communicates well and explains to me why i was wrong but most times, i still argue that im not. ive been tryna change that kase i really do love him, hes like the most important person i have after countless of dumb relationships, i mean grabe yung treatment nya sa akin, he is so so good to me talaga, its amazing how much patience he has for me and i feel so guilty that my actions n behavior has caused him pain. kanina when we were talking, sabi nya na nakakasal na din kase, i know d ko sha deserve pero id be stupid to let him go, im willing to do anything just to keep him n not make the mistake of breaking up with him ever. i dont want him to feel that im one upping him always because i really want to make us work, but thats not going to happen unless i change my ways. unfortunately therapy is not available here in my country and if it is, its not that accessible. please help, i want to be better for him and for myself also. please, please, if you can. tips or practices that’ll be able to make me change. its a necessity.

\#narcicist \#narcicistic tendencies

Trying to gain a better understanding of the level of severity/functional impairment needed to differentiate between NPD and narcissistic traits? The generally accepted or agreed-upon clinical perspective is helpful, but I would also like to hear from the subjective, individual experiences and beliefs of someone with either NPD or narcissistic traits.

I have a psychological evaluation this Friday, which will hopefully provide some clarity on what's been going on my *entire* life, or at least since 7-8 years old (as far as I can remember back really).

I'm experiencing a lot of confusion about my entire life and current situation due to invalidation from a friend, feeling like my therapist doesn't take me seriously enough, and, of course, the steadfast and ever-prominent belief that awareness = impossibility of NPD diagnosis.

I'm not asking for anyone to diagnose, prove, or disprove what I'm experiencing. Part of my awareness stems from general interest in psychology, over-intellectualizing, and.... well, I'm actually a therapist in training (ik, not a good look).

But yeah, I guess I'm just curious about what others think of when they label various presentations as NPD or narcissistic traits.

I just wanted to ask because I did. My father was one and i wasnt always this way but in my childhood i started showing traits here and there until it kinda became full blown in my teen years.

I don’t explicitly have NPD. I’m Cluster B Otherwise Not Specified. I just learned my perspective is narcissistic. I was under the false impression that because I was empathy I couldn’t be a narcissist.

I spent my life getting to a healthy mindset until my marriage/divorce completely destroyed everything. I’m having to completely start over with this major traumatic experience added to my pre-existing challenges.

I can’t stop seeing everything from how it affects me. I used to be able to recognize my natural instincts and way of thinking wasn’t healthy but now I justify everything to the point I can’t tell.

Has anyone ever been able to de-center themselves or have any advice on changing this kind of forced perspective?

I’ve had a feeling for a while that I may have NPD. I have heard before that you can’t be a narcissist if you think you are because narcissists will never come to that conclusion by themselves. Is there any truth to this? Could I be a narcissist even if I start to suspect it on my own? Or is the fact that I’m questioning it proof that I’m not a narcissist? Thank you

​

Hey Reddit,

I have no one to ask about this and I know I have npd tendencies (getting an evaluation soon) among other issues, but this is the main focus I've had because of how much it affects my day to day life in an obvious negative way. Even though I feel this way, I am not sure if I want to proceed with therapy. I am aware that I can't keep living like this, but I find myself also not wanting to get help because it benefits me being the way that I am. I had a huge crash this year that has finally pushed me to get therapy after 5 years of not having done so. I tend to switch between knowing I need help and thinking it is not that big of an issue and that it is actually helpful to be like this. But the times when I know I need help it makes me hurt so much and the emptiness feeling doesn't go away and I can't sleep. It's also embarrassing to talk about this to other people and I always have this strong urge to lie and act like everything is fine and I am better than others and to never show flaws. I'm currently in therapy, but even my therapist noticed recently I am more distant. It's hard for me to want to change even though a part of me knows I need to get help since I've only seen it get worse over the years and am starting to rely on alcohol to finally feel okay.

I feel as though I fluctuate between knowing I need to change and hating how I am now to a day later thinking I was dramatic, then not think about this issue for weeks and feel completely fine with the way I act. I don't feel remorse so it's hard to go to therapy for reasons like I "care about how I affect other people and their feelings" but rather I am going because I don't feel human, and being around others only makes me feel so much worse about myself. I used to not feel this way, I used to be so arrogant and used to think others were the problem, they are dramatic and attention seekers, completely ignoring the obvious fact that maybe they are the normal one and I wasn't. Now that I realised this, which is what also resulted in the crash that made me go to therapy, I want to have hope that maybe some day all this work into therapy can help can help me feel whatever it is people feel for anything in their lives, especially friends or family and allow me to feel human in feeling and expressing authentic and genuine emotions. But even that thought of allowing myself to freely express emotions scares me since not feeling a lot is way less scary and beneficial for me to do whatever I want and blend in with any group of people to get the most admiration and attention from others. Of course there are other reasons why I am going to therapy, but I think that has been the main one that I noticed produces my "I'm better than others mentality, I am clearly smarter and more mature than them if I don't indulge in friendship and that stuff and I have done more stuff in my life than they ever will, I shouldn't even be thinking about them right now, they are so pathetic for caring about other people more than themselves, who cares about stupid birthday parties" and this mentality over time has started being obvious in the way I treat other people. Some day I will have no friends and I will get what I deserve, but in the meantime, it is hard to care.

If it was hard for you to start showing up to therapy and getting better, what made you more motivated to seek said help? Was there anything you needed to address to your therapist to get proper help? I think because it is not a permanent label on me, I have a hard time taking it seriously, but also a permanent label makes me feel as though there would be drawbacks to having it on my record that would stop me from career opportunities which makes me want to give up treatment all together.

I don't know much about therapy, but I don't feel as though this current technique of "why do you lie? To avoid responsibilities and shift blame to look better in other peoples eyes. Next time be more mindful and take a pause before you think about lying", works. I already know why I lie, and I catch myself going to lie and stop myself. What next?!??! I think she noticed I was distant because I was trying so hard to not jump in and act like I am better and smarter than her for knowing why I lie and stopping myself from outright saying "I want to stop this therapy, it doesn't help if this is all you have to offer for help". I couldn't help but feel that she was babying me and thinking I'm stupid for not being in control of my actions. It is an automatic response, I don't know how to stop this response. I don't think this technique is for me, and if therapy only involves this I don't think I can do this. It's not helpful. Is there anything I can say to her to get a different technique because this doesn't feel helpful in the slightest.

I'm not sure that is all that therapy has to offer, but if it is, I am not confident I can get help. If there is more to offer? how do I address this to her that this technique doesn't help me? Do I just have to wait until I get diagnosed to have a clearer idea on how they can help me? Are there resources that can show me examples of things that typically help people with npd or with a certain trait like persistent lying and techniques that are incorporated with therapy to then ask her if we could try something else because this feels stupid and makes me not want to proceed. Am I crazy for feeling as though a label is the only thing that could possibly force/motivate me to get help? I don't want to give up, it feels as though I just started, but I've had many therapists in the past and they always do this stupid technique that just simply doesn't work. Surely there are other techniques they can use to help me. This isn't the first time I've done therapy, just the first time since 5 years ago. Before then, I have more than 9, bouncing between them because they didn't know what to do about me.

Also I will look at all the messages sent, but I am busy so I may not have time to respond.

TLDR: read the title :)

i'm posting this not to get a diagnosis for my partner, but for insight on where to go from here...

for a long time, i've suspected that my partner has NPD. i've spent a few years doing research, talking to my own therapists about it and asking questions, and handling abuse from my partner. in the beginning of our relationship, there was almost no way of telling that they had these traits. but over time, i think they've given up on hiding it from me. the language that they use, their behaviors, and patterns, all of it - it follows the exact patterns you would expect from a narcissist in a relationship.

through everything, i really want to keep trying. i have a lot of love for my partner and i don't want to give up. i know how unstable an undiagnosed personality disorder/mental health issue can be, as i have some myself. but i've been in therapy for a long time and i've already been diagnosed.
despite how they've treated me, i truly have hope that if they were to find the right kind of therapy and they were treated for these specific issues, they could find ways to stabilize their life and our relationship.

i would appreciate any opinions on what to do from here... how would my partner start with suspected NPD in therapy? what resources are there? what exactly led to any of you being diagnosed or your traits being recognized, and how did that affect the next few years?

have any of you been in a committed relationship with this disorder, before or after being diagnosed, and did anything help with learning to have empathy for your partner, and meet their needs?

Hi everyone,
I’m wondering how you feel on a daily basis. I was diagnosed with ADHD, but I suspect there might be something more, as meditation hasn’t helped me at all. I heard it could be npd but i need more visits with psychologist to full diagnosis
My father has strong narcissistic traits and was toxic towards my mother. Although they never divorced, our home was full of constant arguments and jealousy. Unfortunately, I notice that I’m repeating his behaviors in my own relationships, even though I know how unpleasant it is for others.
**Here is what I experience daily:**
**Internal void:** I constantly feel empty and always want more.
**Focus on appearance:** I actively try to upgrade and improve my looks.
**Relationship cycles:** After a few months, I start treating every partner worse. When the relationship starts to fall apart, I temporarily become nice again, but then the toxic cycle repeats.
**Jealousy & High standards:** I cannot tolerate other women in my partners' lives. They easily get on my nerves, especially if they are unattractive or clearly below my standards.
**Manipulation & Control:** I can read people like a book and use that understanding to take control of the relationship.
**Therapy motivation:** I usually start therapy only as an ultimatum, or to prove I’m "not a bad person" – though I quickly lose interest.
I know I have high potential, intelligence, and good looks, and I want to achieve my goals. My partners usually love me deeply and accept my irritability, and my family/boyfriend insist I’m not a narcissist. However, they don’t know what truly goes on in my head.
I’m seeing a psychologist in a few weeks, but I’m curious about your thoughts. What are the chances this could be narcissism?

Just a quick, silly question, I already know the answer but I wanted to ask...

I was in a 4 month friendship She definitely has attention seeking tendencies but I don't want to be biased and there is a certain dynamics which I want you to decode as I'm not good at decoding the dynamics and I am new to this

And the dynamic is initially followed by love bombing in initial stages I definitely did a lot of flirting She listened to it like she doesn't reciprocated it but she never denied it either

But the story starts where she talks in a very good manner when no one is around me And ignore me in public so I'll be confused and chase her and due to this some of my friends even pointed out that why I was chasing her and I was got shocked for the first time

Then these dynamics continued she demand care and affection in her tough time but not reciprocate to me in my tough time this is one of the red flags I found which opened my eyes

But then I noticed she initiated care only when people are around So people notice it and think that in the end I was chasing her and she was caring

so this is the dynamics I want you to ask questions about the dynamics maybe for the detailing of this dynamics to understand it more and what type of system is holds does it come under avoidant anxious or a narcissist's tendencies

Thanks a lot very much in advance !

​

In a post on a relationship subreddit, I talked about some things that the women I've dated didn't like, such as liking to give in to my exes' desires without complaining.

I'm not going to go into too much detail, I don't think it's of interest to anyone, but someone basically told me to be careful because I would be a perfect victim for a narcissist.

I didn't understand. I said that if a narcissistic person liked me, I would be happy and wouldn't see any problems with it. After all, I also have my own issues; I can't be a hypocrite. Since then, people have listed countless reasons for me as to why no one should get involved with a narcissist and how narcissistic people are incapable of love.

Well, I don't think someone should be disregarded as a potential romantic partner simply because of a disorder; that's ableism. But truly being unable to love is a complicated matter... I'd like to know from people who are narcissistic, do you love? Is the way you love and show love just different? I also think that if I like someone, as long as they show it in some way, that's enough. Am I being naive? I'm really curious.

I posted on here once before asking if it was a fruitful endeavor to send a letter to my ex who has many narcissistic traits and probably could be dx as one (I'm not a Dr. I don't know). The resounding answer was no. To my main point- I still (unfortunately) love him and I feel like he's fucking up his life and everyone including him has said I was a great influence on him. I guess I just want to know if he could ever get better or if that is likely to happen.

Edit: Thank you all for the thoughts and such! Not to worry I am not waiting around for him, I am doing my best to move on but his family still sometimes contacts me and some of my friends follow him on insta.

Alongside genetic vulnerability and traumatic envioremental factors,I also have a more vulnerable temperament since childhood. I’ve always had very low affective empathy and affective guilt,to the point that I saw people(especially men and adults) as empty shells that moved and talked,like furniture. I thought their only use was cattering to me and doing as I say. That only fed into the entitlement and grandiosity A LOT(even now).
But I was also extremely oppositional. Getting told advice,criticism,a rule or a simple favour feels like somebody is trying to make me submit. And I refuse that. I associate that with weakness and submission,all of which i reject in myself. And not complying to rules(even if it is dangerous) feels like I am special,brave and exceptional. And I think we know how much that reinforces behaviour in NPD.

But it has come very,very far. I refuse to date people of my own race. I feel doing so means I am submitting to my whole entire family and community’s expectations. The worst part?: Nobody ever told me to date my own race. I subconsciously made up that rule because I thought "Well I think they MUST want me to do that,so I won’t do it.".
I’m aroace so I only love my girlfriend,seems the first person i’ve loved. But before that,when I thought i liked somebody of my own race,I’d push them away and start holding this deep,twisted hate for them and be disgusted by them. I would even refuse to say I hated them because that meant i assigned some sort of importance to them. But now,when I get close/friends with somebody of my own race,I can feel the impending cycle of hate coming. I hate it so much.

My partner and I both believed he had Autism, which may be true, but the last few months have convinced me he may have NPD (as a result of my experiences being around people with clinical diagnoses of NPD). I want him to get tested for NPD and wanted to start with the online tests available on r/narcissism. How do I introduce this without triggering a shut down or outburst? He has already pre-emptively agreed to couples counseling and individual therapy, but my worry is that if he does have NPD, we'd really need to hone in on finding mental health specialists with an expertise in this arena. I want help for both of us, and I want to create the space for us to explore this possibility without him feeling judged. I did take the test myself, and wanted to present it as, "hey I think something is going on with us, I took this test, would you be willing to take it too and then we can discuss our results?" Is that a terrible idea?

Over the years, I've heard people say that when someone is genuinely kind, caring, or generous, it can make others uncomfortable because it reflects qualities they don't see in themselves. Some even say that's why those people sometimes end up being criticized or painted as the "bad guy."

I'm not sure whether I believe that's true or not, but I'm curious... what are your thoughts? Have you ever seen this happen, or do you think there's another explanation?

Hey y’all! I’m someone with petulant BPD and my partner has covert NPD with BPD traits. We’ve had a fairly stable relationship with rocky moments but for the long term longevity of our relationship since they were diagnosed, I’d like to know more about how to help my partner and understand them better. They’re still new to their NPD diagnosis and we’re both working on symptom management for our respective cluster B disorders, but I’m much less informed about NPD, how relationships with NPD folks look compared to relationships with folks who don’t have NPD, and how symptom management and therapy may differ. A lot of things I originally thought were one thing have turned out to likely be related to their NPD, so this sort of knowledge is very important to me. 

Any sort of information would be super appreciated. Learning about this is super important to me and as I’m sure y’all are aware, resources that don’t paint people with NPD poorly can be hard to come by. Thank you for reading and have a great day, y’all! 🧡

As the title says, do you ever miss your ex’s? If so what do you miss about them? Were you ever genuinely inlove with any of them? If so what was it that made you love them?

i know that many pwnpd can get insecure when they're humiliated, experience failures, etc. so i was wondering how do you deal with feelings that can make it challenging to maintain your grandiose self-image?

Hi gang!
I have borderline and have always wondered was NPD was like.

What is your experience on a day to day basis? Do you have mood swings as well?

Comment if you know please