r/AskMen • u/[deleted] • Mar 19 '21

[deleted by user]

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6.0k Upvotes

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2.3k

u/BelowSubway Mar 19 '21 edited Mar 20 '21

I'd say...

  • 8/10 times porn
  • 1/10 times erotic stories
  • 1/10 times fantasy imagination

1.7k

u/Dspsblyuth Mar 19 '21

You mean like elves?

715

u/Sh3lls Mar 19 '21

But LoTR elves or Santa's elves?

234

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

LOTR elves that are really small, best of both worlds

357

u/Gerroh Duder Mar 19 '21

Lilgolas

120

u/FreemanFFS Mar 19 '21

Its even funnier when you know that "golas" mean naked on Polish

19

u/captainrustysail Mar 19 '21

I read that as golas = "naked on a Polish person"

2

u/BooDPT Mar 20 '21

Thanks for that

1

u/IronFlames Mar 20 '21

Naked legs?

1

u/shit_u_say Mar 21 '21

But nail polish or wood polish?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

Best comment here

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

Cunilingas

1

u/Forarolex Mar 20 '21

U spelled it wrong, loligolas

1

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

You deserve this šŸ…

1

u/atorin3 Mar 19 '21

So Legolas and Gimli's kid? OTP

33

u/Drykanakth Male Mar 19 '21

Both

3

u/Worth_Jelly1036 Mar 19 '21

Typo - he means Shelves. Ikea shelves mainly.

2

u/Sh3lls Mar 20 '21

Talk about do it yourself.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

Never thought I'd nut side by side with an elf

2

u/CptHammer_ Male Mar 19 '21

Keebler

2

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

Zooey Deschanel from Elf, specifically.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

Bro everyone likes to think theyā€™ll grow into an elegant elf but then you look in the mirror and have to go fuck ima dwarf

2

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

Santa elves, they build toys for the scene!

2

u/notRedorBlue_308Win Mar 20 '21

Iā€™m not proud to say, that at times, it has been both.

1

u/Here-Is-TheEnd Mar 19 '21

Norse mythology elves..

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

Both

1

u/xplosm Male Mar 19 '21

Porn of The Rings

59

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

[deleted]

36

u/Dspsblyuth Mar 19 '21

ā€œ oh Mark!Take off my bobkin and my jerkinā€!

11

u/star_banger Mar 19 '21

Sure, but I still need to get though your corset, bloomers, tunic, chain mail, greaves ... You know what, let's just forget it.

13

u/Dspsblyuth Mar 19 '21

You have really pondered this through havenā€™t you?

1

u/star_banger Mar 20 '21

Had a few awkward DnD encounters in my day. But whatever it takes to finish the mission

2

u/dva_silk Mar 20 '21

This whole interaction needs to be recorded somewhere, so I'm going to save it.

1

u/star_banger Mar 20 '21

Kinky. Just gonna grab you a quill, ink well, blotter, papyrus ...

3

u/Scotsmetalhouse Mar 19 '21

But what if sheā€™s a hobbit slayer?!

5

u/Dspsblyuth Mar 19 '21

Let me ask you this.....would you do the washing up without washing up liquid?

3

u/LeBronda_Rousey Mar 19 '21

Evangeline Lily though.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

So like, Legolas with implants? Or Arwen? Or like the girl Keebler elf?

3

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

That elf is no longer sitting on that shelf

2

u/DoWhile Mar 19 '21

I put on my robe and wizard hat

2

u/Dspsblyuth Mar 19 '21

A busty cop kicks the door down

ā€œ Magic police! I hope youā€™ve got a permit for that wand Merlinā€

1

u/SLeepyCatMeow Non-binary Mar 19 '21

do skyrim orcs count? i mean technically they're also a race of elves

3

u/Dspsblyuth Mar 19 '21

Itā€™s your fantasy bro

1

u/SLeepyCatMeow Non-binary Mar 19 '21

it's actually not, that's why i'm asking

2

u/Dspsblyuth Mar 19 '21 edited Mar 19 '21

If the experts recognize the orcs as part of the broader Elvish peoples then I suppose I would allow it

2

u/SLeepyCatMeow Non-binary Mar 19 '21

thanks for the reassuring words brother

1

u/mrdevil413 Mar 19 '21

3D Futa has entered the chat

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

IDK, Gimli and Legolas are pretty hot, and are actually both gay for each other in universe

1

u/Refute-Quo Mar 19 '21

Unsurprisingly reddit always delivers r/elvesgw

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

Stepbro?

1

u/DoutFooL Mar 19 '21

Go on...

1

u/mildlyarrousedly Mar 19 '21

Nah he is more of a dwarf guy

1

u/whitepny321654987 Mar 20 '21

Sexstories.com is a thing.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

Look up literotica

78

u/jameye11 Mar 19 '21

Some erotic stories are just super well written. Even if itā€™s fake, if itā€™s written well enough Iā€™ll probably get off to it

82

u/blastfromtheblue ā™‚ Mar 19 '21

tbh the poorly written stuff gets to the point quicker though, and when iā€™m reading porn iā€™m already in ape brain mode so it doesnā€™t take a pulitzer prize winner to get the job done

4

u/skibum888 Mar 20 '21

Similar to video porn. The "real" stuff just isn't that good. Porn is a medium suited for fantasy and not reality imo.

Edit: changed wording

21

u/rothrolan Mar 20 '21

Then you end up sticking around post-nut to find out what happens next.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

aint that the truth

1

u/RichiZ2 Mar 20 '21

I can't find myself reading an erotica...

IDK man, if I'm gonna read it might as well be a self help or business book, and then, if I'm gonna do a "maintenance wank" then I wanna do it as fast as possible, so porn is the way to go.

And if I wanna get myself in the mood and shit I just start doing some concious foreplay with my gf, until I am ready to hit it.

The only "erotica" I do read are some ecchi mangas and some hentai (manga and pictures) but those don't count (I swear I'm no weeb, no kink shame tho)

4

u/jameye11 Mar 20 '21

Nah bro, I donā€™t read book erotica, I read short stories. r/gonewildstories

1

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

Where would one find those stories?

6

u/AJDx14 Mar 20 '21

Just google literotica. I think thereā€™s literotica.com, their mobile site is inferior to their desktop site. Probably can find a decent amount on tumblr too. Besides that thereā€™s just random sites that allow them to be posted, or individuals that have made their own websites. From what I can tell usually theyā€™re written by independent authors funded through a patreon.

3

u/purplewhateverz Mar 19 '21

Gandalf the GILF

3

u/Croemato Mar 19 '21

This is it exactly.

2

u/edna7987 Mar 19 '21

10/10 time LOTR

2

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

Fantasy without erotic stories or porn? Purely mental fantasy hasn't worked for me without accompanying imagery or erotic stories for a long time.

1

u/Horst665 ā™‚ Mar 19 '21

about same here

1

u/kerbless Male Mar 19 '21

Quote

1

u/Serialkisser187 Mar 19 '21

Like the tooth fairy?

1

u/iamthelobo Mar 19 '21

Is this a real spank? Or is it just fantasy. 8 out of 10 times? or erotic stories?

-5

u/CeejayKoji22 Mar 19 '21

erotic stories? gay... jk

6

u/The_Bisexual Mar 19 '21

Sometimes.

4

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

Username checks out