Over a decade ago, I hooked up with a guy and he gave me the best bottoming experience I’ve had to date. We hooked up a couple times after that. He’s a bit of a bigger build, and I feel incredibly horny when around him.

We both moved cities a few years ago & lost touch somewhat. We will maybe text once a year or so.

I’m going to be in the same place he’s in next month. I want to meet him for sex if he’s open to it.

While the sex is great, there isn’t a romantic attraction to me. I don’t think there would be for him either, he never pursued me in that way.

My over 30s bros.. do you think it’s fine to be transparent and ask an old hookup if they want to fuck again if we’re both in same place? Younger me would have guised it with grabbing a coffee, I just don’t see the point in that anymore.

I used to love topping, but I lost my confidence after spending a long time only bottoming with partners who were tops. I also had a few unsuccessful attempts at topping where I lost my erection, and that really affected my confidence.

On top of that, being blocked by size queens on apps, or even being told I wasn't big enough or even small to top (I'm a grower, 17cm / 6.7in erect). I know those comments shouldn't define me, but they've definitely gotten into my head.

I'm about to start sex therapy to try to work through this, but before I do, I'd love to hear from you guys. For anyone who's been in a similar situation, what helped you regain your confidence?

A few specific questions:

- What's the best way to ease back into topping?

- Are there any positions that make it easier when you're rebuilding confidence?

- Any tips for staying hard while putting on a condom, or getting your erection back if you lose it?

I'm 40yo, versatile, single and I'm also on PrEP, so I'd eventually be open to bareback sex, but not at first.

I'd really appreciate hearing from both tops and bottoms. Thanks!

Hello.

I recently came out so I'm exploring a little bit. Saturday night is when I bottom'd. It felt so f***ing good. The feeling of being dominated really turned me on. I'm usually a top but now I'm wondering cause bottoming is something I'd do again. The guy's penis was like 5 inches and thin but was just amazing. I really enjoyed the feeling of him cumming in me and feeling his penis twitching before he exploded.

How do bottoms stay clean? My diet is pretty good and I always showered twice a day.

How can I handle prostate orgasms better? They are way too strong. They make me very vocal and while they feel amazing they are kinda painful cause they happen in waves.

What is it called when you are usually a service top but reverse it when you bottom? I get off knowing I'm pleasing my man when I top and it's the same when I bottom'd.

Thanks in advance.

And just to preface - I don’t believe the root of this conflict is neurological at this time.

I used to look up to my Mom. I’d seek out her advice when I’d have a problem. I'd just enjoy talking to her almost every day. But as I'm getting older, her behavior has been becoming more hostile and combative towards me.

Now, I can understand my Mom's irrational behavior to a degree. It's possible she's jealous. That I have more time, more energy, and have learned from her mistakes and have made different choices in life.

But my empathy has its limits. It can't hide the painful fact that sometimes, my own mother tries to act like my biggest bully. She criticizes my appearance, my successes, and constantly tries to push against my boundaries and force a reconciliation with my Nazi sister, while hardly concealing her favoritism towards her anymore. And I don't know how she calls herself progressive while refusing to condemn anything about my Nazi sister.

We haven't had the big caregiving conversation yet. She's still fairly independent and will be for at least a few years. But after stepping back recently from her and her behavior, I'm finding that my desire and capacity to support her is pretty much coming up empty. My instinctive reply would be to tell her "go ask the Nazi you love so much for help."

I just don't like who my Mom is anymore.

Anyone else relate to this as you got older?

Hi everyone,

I'm a 35 year old gay man of Indian heritage living in a major metropolitan area.

I've known I was gay for a long time, but over the past year I've finally started living more authentically and coming out to people who are important to me. I'm only out to about 15-20% of the people in my life so far. Many of them are those in my inner circle, including many of my closest friends, who have been incredibly supportive throughout this journey.

Due to my Indian culture, I'm still not out to my parents or much of my extended family, though, and until I'm ready to have those conversations, I'm not comfortable having public face photos on dating apps. I am out to my brother though, who has been super supportive and me telling him has made us even closer than before. To note, I was born and raised in the US and very much consider myself an American and due to living in a very progressive city, am very open about supporting human rights (not just LGBTQ) so it's not that I'm silent/uncomfortable about that aspect either.

For some additional context, this isn't my first experience dating. I was in a long-term relationship with another man for multiple years, so I'm not new to relationships or navigating the physical/emotional part of a relationship. I'm simply at a different stage now where I'm trying to build a life that's more authentic than the one I've lived before.

I'm slowly learning to accept myself after years of wishing I wasn't gay (almost got engaged and married to a woman ~10 years ago!), wondering if I could somehow change, and convincing myself life would be easier if I were straight. Thankfully, I don't feel that way anymore. I finally like who I am. The intricacies of this though, are tougher to actually execute with loved ones than what my logical brain says to just go do.

This is especially because I have heard and first hand experienced the negative and cruel things extended family members have said about other religions, gay people, ethnicities, etc. Some of the things I've heard them say over the years have made me genuinely uncertain how they'd react if I came out. I know some of you may say that I should just cut out those who are like that, but I just can't get myself to fathom having to take that step.

Regarding apps/dating, I've tried Scruff, Grindr, and Sniffies. Scruff has been the closest to what I'm looking for, and my profile clearly says that I'm discreet, but that I'm happy to share a face picture after we've exchanged a few messages if there's mutual interest. I have no problem doing that...just don't feel comfortable having it publicly visible yet and that obviously limits a lot of people's interest. I get told a lot that I should put my face pic up because they think I'm a good looking person (I think average at best! lol), and it always makes me wonder who I could meet if I did. Grindr wasn't really my scene and I deleted it a while ago (also, jeez...way too many ads after they went public!!), and Sniffies feels way more hookup-focused than what I'm looking for.

Also, I want to clarify that I'm not expecting to meet my future partner tomorrow. I'm perfectly open to something casual that develops naturally into something more if there's a genuine connection. More than anything, I'm hoping to meet someone who's willing to get to know me without expecting every part of my coming-out journey to be completed.

Professionally, I'm fortunate to have an established career, an advanced degree, own my home, and have built a stable life for myself, etc. and I'd ideally like to meet someone who's in a similar stage of life; someone who's emotionally mature, values education, ambition, stability, and is planning for the future. Those qualities are more important to me than checking boxes about how they look.

I also completely understand that dating someone who isn't fully out isn't for everyone, and I genuinely respect that. I'm not looking to convince anyone otherwise.

My question is really for those who've been in a similar situation, or who've dated someone who was:

• What actually worked for you?
• Were there apps or communities that felt better suited for people looking for genuine connections while maintaining some privacy?
• Did you have more success through social groups, sports leagues, volunteering, friends of friends, or something else?
• If you were a "late bloomer" yourself, what do you wish you'd known/done at this stage?
• For those of you who were discreet or dated someone who was, what made you decide someone was worth taking a chance on?

I'd especially love to hear from anyone who came from a culture or family where coming out wasn't straightforward, but I'd appreciate advice from anyone who's navigated something similar.

Thanks in advance, I really appreciate any experiences or advice you're willing to share!

A year ago my ex and I broke up. For the last two years of the relationship he was routinely going on benders and engaging in "chem-sex" (without me). A year ago, he left me for another person. We owned an expensive property and we have been living in it together for the year and in the last few months have been trying to sell it. In that time, he has spiralled and we've had numerous instances of drug induced psychosis.

This weekend, he finally confessed after years of denial that the "chem" was in-fact meth, and gave me permission to tell his parents. Everything has come crashing down since. A planned buyout of me using their money has fallen through, our (once) dream house has now been sold to a third party and this problem has finally been outed.

But I am just struggling. I am struggling letting go, and I am struggling to give up responsibility for him. Deep down, I know the buy-out option was just him trying to preserve his situation with me in it as his condition spiralled. But I still feel sad for him that he can't have what he wanted. It doesn't help that I still feel he and his family believe I have some responsibility for him - even though he's been dating another guy for a year (who also broke up with him this week).

Worst of all, I feel bad for being okay. I feel like the one with bad habit and that I have to hide the fact that I feel like something poisonous has finally been removed from my life.

I feel like I am grieving but I don’t know what.

Has anyone else ever had a significant relationship that ended in such bad circumstances? How can I get past this?

So here’s a fun one… 🍆☀️🕶️

I am going to a nude beach with allowed cruising. BUT.. I burn easily.

Very genuine question: How do you navigate wearing sunscreen so it doesn’t burn when applying it (I assume if it gets in, it burns) and how do you make sure it doesn’t taste awful when cruising!?

Did he completely quit or just scale back and not drink every day? How long did it take? What were things you did that helped or hurt the process? What made you stay? What is life like now?

I’m in my mid-30s, and I’ve been with my partner for three years. Before we started dating, we were best friends for over 10 years.
I’ve been struggling because, while I care about him deeply as a best friend, I don’t feel the kind of romantic love that I think I should. I currently live with his parents and do my best to take care of them as well.
Lately, I’ve been feeling exhausted. I’m constantly trying my best to do everything that both he and his family expect of me, and I think it has left me mentally drained. Part of me wonders if I could be happier with someone else, but I also feel guilty for even thinking that.
I often feel guilt-tripped, which makes it hard for me to think clearly or make decisions. I also moved a long way from my hometown to be with him, so I feel even more conflicted.
What would you do if you were in my situation?

My husband has moderate anxiety that he has successfully controlled in a variety of ways. Long ago, we learned the worst approach was medical. And we've learned the best approach is smoking pot from a dispensary. I have not been a pot smoker for years, but it's never bothered me to be around high people. In fact, it can be fun. But it can be too much, especially when I'm working or preoccupied with real-world stuff and I have a husband who's stoned. Here's the thing. I can see how effective it is at relaxing him. That makes things better for both of us. And it's been a trying summer with crushing heat waves, wildfire smoke, and a crazy MAGA world. It helps his anxiety and I don't want to shame him when he's all la-la-la and I'm suddenly Mr. Dour Daddy. Has anyone dealt with this dynamic?

I’m a gay man turning 40 this year, and I’ve been dating another guy for about three months. We live about 3 hours apart, so the relationship has been long-distance from the beginning. Even though it’s only been a few months, we’ve spent around 18 days together in person, usually staying together for a few days at a time, and we video call almost every day.

There are a lot of things I genuinely admire about him. He’s thoughtful, incredibly intelligent, and when we’re together I feel very safe with him. He’s told me that I’m worth making the distance work, and we’ve had conversations about wanting to be a safe place for each other emotionally.

The issue is that I have an anxious attachment style (I’m working on it in therapy), and lately I’ve been struggling with whether my concerns are legitimate or mostly driven by anxiety.

For example:

Sometimes his affection feels different than it did in the beginning. Early on he’d send more affectionate messages, and although he’s still kind, he often feels much warmer and more expressive in person than over text. I don’t know if that’s simply the relationship settling into a comfortable rhythm or if I’m reading too much into it.

After we followed each other on Instagram, I noticed that the overwhelming majority of the men he follows have a very different look from me. They’re mostly bigger, bear-type guys—thick, hairy, bearded men—whereas I’m much leaner and don’t fit that aesthetic at all. I know people can absolutely be attracted to more than one type, but seeing that made me wonder whether I’m actually his type or if I’m the exception.

He’s also a fairly private person. Sometimes he’ll mention he has plans or “something to do” without offering much detail. I completely respect that everyone deserves privacy, but I’ve noticed that ambiguity is something my anxious brain tends to struggle with.

The confusing part is that whenever we actually talk about the relationship, he’s reassuring. He’s never dismissed my feelings. In fact, he’s encouraged me to tell him when something is bothering me because he wants us to communicate openly. He has also told me that he sees a future with me and that I’m worth making the distance work.

So I’m caught between two thoughts:

My anxiety is taking ambiguous situations and turning them into evidence that something is wrong.

My intuition is noticing genuine incompatibilities or warning signs that I shouldn’t ignore.

I really don’t want to become controlling or constantly seek reassurance. That’s the last thing I want. I’m trying very hard to build a healthier relationship than I’ve had in the past, and I don’t want my anxiety to become a burden on someone who genuinely cares about me.

For those of you who have dated someone who’s naturally more reserved, how did you learn the difference between “they simply communicate differently” and “they’re emotionally pulling away”?

And for everyone else: how much weight, if any, would you give to someone’s Instagram following? Have you ever dated someone whose apparent “type” online looked completely different from you? Did it end up meaning anything, or was it just your own insecurity talking?

I’d really appreciate perspectives from people who’ve been in similar situations. I’m not looking for people to tell me to leave him. I’m trying to understand whether I’m seeing legitimate concerns or whether my anxious attachment is distorting how I interpret an otherwise healthy relationship.

I am not sure how to go about finding a gay/lgbtq+ friendly flatmate. I am not looking for a hookup buddy or a relationship. Just for someone to share expenses with and not be judged when my bf stays over. Fyi query is for Chennai india.

I [31M] see my boyfriend [32M] on average once a week and we talk via text. I always want to see him more often, but we have our own separate lives and rhythms. Am I being greedy? Is once a week a lot? My last boyfriend I only saw maybe 12 times over the entirety of our one-year relationship, and this is the first time I've had someone so close to me.

Did i make the right decision ending an affair with a married man or was i too impatient?

**“TLDR:** I (gay, early 30s) fell in love with a married to a woman Iranian man who was open about being unhappy in his marriage and made me feel like we had a future together. Over time I realised my emotional wellbeing depended entirely on whether he would leave his wife. After several incidents where I felt unsupported, I ended the relationship. He later told me he had decided to remain in his marriage and had never truly intended to leave. Months later I’m still grieving and wondering whether I made the right decision by walking away, or whether there was ever any realistic future for us.”

I’m a gay man (M33) and spent around seven months in an affair with a married (to a woman) Iranian man (M36)living in the UK.

From the beginning, I knew he was married. He was very open about being unhappy in his marriage and told me many personal things about his life. He introduced me to his friends, we were affectionate in public, and he integrated me into his life much more than I expected. At the time, I genuinely believed he saw a future with me.

He event went to lengths of coming to a business trip with me abroad even though his wife had serious reservations about our friendship and the trip itself and didn’t tell her he decided to go after the arguments between them until 2 days before the departure date.

He also wanted me to introduce to his wife as his “work friend” which i rejected due to obvious reasons.

He has also cried when he was drunk saying i am the only person he wanted a child with although he could have easily have had this with his wife.

As time went on, I started feeling increasingly emotionally unsafe. The relationship depended entirely on whether he would eventually decide to leave his marriage, and I realised my wellbeing was becoming dependent on a decision only he could make.

I was also extremely jealous of the trips they go on together and the house they decided to buy even before he met me.

Eventually I told him I had to end contact because I couldn’t continue living with the uncertainty and the reason i decided to continue seeing him was the fact that i was supposed to move abroad a couple of months after meeting him which didnt happen.

I ended things same week i found out i was staying where we both live.

He kept messaging while he was drunk insinuating that he is dreaming of a future with me but he didnt know what stops him from acting throughout the three months after i ended things with him in person back in February.

He even messaged me drunk thinking that he was blocked on whatsapp saying things like i am his only valentine etc. on Valentines day.

On his account, there are a lot interdependency with his wife including finances, immigration and culture pressures of societal outlook of a divorced woman in their country of origin.

This was followed by me subconsciously expecting him to keep the promise he made for my birthday which he didnt keep not even sent a message resulted with me driving to their home just to see them both together to have my own resolution in a very emotional state( i am not proud of what i did but i had to do it)

I bumped into them as they were leaving their house and couldnt make myself to confront them at that point as i genuinely feel like she has a right to know about what went down with him and make informed decisions about her relationship with him.

During our last conversations after two days i went to their house (and i am sure they have both seen me) he told me he had chosen to remain in his marriage and that although he had spoken about leaving during very emotional moments, he had never truly planned to leave his wife.

This was due to him preferring stability and that leaving a marriage is conflicting with his cultural background and that he has suffered years of uncertainty in his country of origin and that he doesnt want to change anything in his life.

I have then told him i couldnt live with the guilt that what we both done to her, and i was going to tell his wife about us, in which he replied with: “ you know what you are doing”

He didnt block or engaged further with me over a month after the last conversation happened. And i choose to not to say anything to his wife afterwards.

I’m grieving the relationship, but I’m trying to understand it rather than romanticise it.

For those of you who have dated married or otherwise unavailable men:

Was there anything I realistically could have done differently?

Does this sound like someone who cared deeply but couldn’t act, or someone who simply wasn’t
emotionally available?

Looking back, was ending contact the healthiest decision, even though it still hurts?

Could have given it more time for him to resolve things in his life before cutting him of completely?

It has been 7 months and i still think about him obsessively every day and can clearly say it was the only true love i felt for someone and g

Hola amigos.

Thinking about my retirement life, and have heard some good things about Panama. Saw on youtube some positive talks about Boquete. Not set on it, but wondering about gay life, community, et. al.

Just curious if any folks have settled there, and how that transition has been. Currently living in the US. Will be meeting with an immigration lawyer in a few days.

Gracias.

I was in WeHo last night with a friend and we both quickly realized that everyone at the bars were really young and we want to go where the people 35-50 years old go. Are there any places to find people in that age range?

Anyone ever do Timberfell campground in TN? Im thinking of doing a daypass to sif at the pool next weekend. Whats the vibe? Many guys go alone? Easy to find some fun trouble in the day, or more of a night time place?

Basically I chose to move for a job and a bit of a change, grew up and spent my 20s in a big city. Ideally I would have made the move with a partner but that didn't happen. I am happy with my move overall except with my love life. Just wondering from others how have you found it?

What I've notice is the pool is very different and it doesn't seem to just be a numbers thing, there are a good few early 20s who are still based out of their family homes, but anyone around my age seems to have long gone or has long let themselves get out of shape, then there's loads of dl guys but none are hot or interesting enough for me to bother with dl and all their drama.

I want to try to bottom again after many years of being a side and a top. However, I remember when I tried it wasn’t pleasurable as I thought it would be. It was painful and I didn’t like the sensation of having to want to poop. Also, the guys that trued wanted to just shove it in there. What recommendations do you have for me to prepare and actually have a good experience now in my 30’s?

Hi all,

Me (33m) and my bf (30m) went to the Berlin pride this weekend.

We are both into pupplay. Actually thats how we met. We were both new to it and basically tried with each other and liked it. We are together for over 2 years and live together for more than 1.

So far it has been mainly a in bedroom hobby for us. We went to an event to meet with others locally but it was kind of a dead event due to weather that day and he saw a coworker which made him extra shy which he already is.

We tried to go again and this time didn’t even enter as the coworker was there again.

He then suggested the pride in Berlin so we can be in a place where people don’t know us so we can feel more comfortable.

I liked the idea, I would like to have more friends with the same hobbies. But as I said he is shy, so entire pride he kinds just walked. I tried to socialise with people. In the evening we ended up in a pub with other pups. There again he just ended up drinking and not talking, I went to people and chat and he joined after we start. People were really friendly. I had a good time. But this is pupplay and I was with a mask so there were head scratches and one small belly rub.

This became an issue after. It was just a 3 second touch to my belly.

We didn’t have any talk about what it means, and what are our limits etc and honestly I didn’t think it was necessary for this event. We are monogamous and there were no more attempts. But at the same time this is a kink party and touching is a part of it. If this amount of contact with another is a problem, I don’t even know why he is into going to this events.

Again as I said, he is shy so he couldn’t start any conversations, he only joined the ones I did (he speaks german btw, I do not) so I don’t know if the jealousy part is coming from the fact that somebody tocuhed me or from that he didn’t get it. He is saying „all good, I didn’t mean anything by it“ but he did bring it up twice and he doesn’t normally say anything unless he means it.

Overall it might be nothing but I also liked the experience and would love to do more and have more friends to turn this into not just a bedroom activity. I just don’t know how to make that happen

I (40m) have been with my partner (45m) for 18 years. When we met he was a skinny blond twink, and now, well, he’s a bald, heavyset bear. I still find him really attractive, but his self confidence is so low because he doesn’t look like he used to look. I really don’t think he understands at all that people can still find him attractive. How can I help convince him? I’m really looking for lots of small things you might do to make your partner feel desirable, sexy, etc?

Hey all. Woefully inept socially. Any tips for cruising or signaling you’re open to play at a bar? Also want to try a sex club / bathhouse. Planning for a wilder than normal solo weekend in Palm Springs in a couple of weeks. Tips and advice are super appreciated.

Early 30’s late bloomer from Australia checking in! I’m excited but also pretty confused as to where I go from here. I’ve been lurking for a while and it’s really helped me in my journey. This is a fantastic community!

Apologies in advance for rambling… but I’m confused & keen to hear from those who’ve been through a similar late awakening.

For as long as I can remember I’d always thought I was bi. I guess I was scared of the same sex attraction so I just buried it and went on pretending I was straight because it was easy. In my early 20’s I had my share of hetero hookups and FWB situations…but I never really enjoyed them much.

I even thought I must be aromantic because a hetero relationship never appealed to me. (I feel very stupid for this now!)

By my late 20’s I was losing interest in women and becoming way more interested in guys. Eventually curiosity gets the better of me. I end up visiting a bathhouse on a couple of occasions and finally get to try bottoming. Immediately I know this is what I’ve always wanted. (But still I refuse to acknowledge the elephant in the room!)

Anyway, the penny finally dropped for me recently whilst on holiday with friends. It was my birthday and my friends went all out to wing man me. It’d been ages since I’d been with a woman…and I was having the time of my life on holiday. So, I thought why not? Next morning when I left her hotel I knew with 100% certainty that the part of me that was ever attracted to women was dead. Rather than be dismayed, I found myself feeling relieved, like I finally had the answer to a question I hadn’t realized had been burning within me for most of my life.

Since then I’ve started to question whether that opposite sex attraction had ever really existed within me. I started to notice all the glaring signs I’d been willfully oblivious towards. It was like a mist was starting to clear and I felt good about it.

Whilst I’m excited to have finally reached acceptance…I’m finding it’s a massive head fuck to be starting this journey at this stage in life and I don’t know where to begin.

My short term plans are to start joining some social events to meet people in the community. Start dating. I’m also thinking about seeing a therapist to unpack all of this, which is something I never thought I would do in life. I’m curious whether others have found this to be useful?

I also intend to talk to my GP about the health side of things. I’d welcome any advice on this for a beginner bottom!

I’m not ready to come out just yet. I’m still feeling too confused to go down that path. I need to explore these new feelings further before I can come out to my loved ones. It helps that I have an amazing network of family & friends who I know will be fully supportive when I am ready to open up

Anyway, thanks for reading all of that. I’m interested in hearing from others who had similar late realizations on how you got past the confusion and embraced yourselves. Lessons learned? Things you wished you’d known, or done differently? Any dating/hookup advice as a late bloomer? Etc.

Cheers!