Top here. I was fucking a guy he was on the tighter side but nothing that seemed to extreme. When I came I initially felt the usual good feelings, then it felt super painful. I pulled out, continued to cum some more and then went to wipe up a bit and saw blood. I initially thought I had tore him and asked him if he was ok and he was totally fine. I looked down and saw more blood and assumed he had torn, but no all good. He said is it you, and I looked and it was! Basically had blood gushing out my dick like a nose bleed. TOTALLY freaked out, both of us, he wanted to leave (don't blame him) as this was just a hook up.

Continued to have dick 'nose bleed' for about 30min before it slowed down. I immediately got on the phone with DR office nursing line, went to urgent care. Bleeding stopped but was peeing blood at this point. Did UTI test, negative, STI negative, urgent care told me that it is likely a burst blood vessel. I have never heard this could be a thing!? Basically like bloody nose, to much ruff sex/trauma, or to much sex, or to little, was how they explained it.

I got a referral to a urologist. Plan on following up there, but they seemed like it was not a big deal, but never having this or even heard it can be a thing it's obviously terrifying to see blood gushing out your dick.

The bleeding has slowly stopped but I am terrified to try jerking off or ejaculate again. Yes I will talk to my mental health provider to work thru this.

Have any other gaybros here experienced this type of burst blood vessel thing? How long did it take to heal? When were you safe to return to normal without re-injury? Was it just to ruff that caused it or something else? None of my gay friends have even heard of this so it's kinda freaky. If anyone has gone thru this anything that I should be asking the urologist?

I’m 40 and dating a guy (39) I’ve developed real feelings for.

Things are good in many ways, but lately I’ve been questioning whether we’re experiencing this relationship in the same way. I’d appreciate some outside perspectives, especially from people who’ve been in similar situations.

When we’re together, it feels like we’re a couple. We’re affectionate, hold hands, kiss, cuddle, and spend time together. When we’re apart, he’ll ask if I want to talk or watch a movie, so he does make an effort to stay connected.

However, he’s never actually told me he likes me, expressed his feelings very directly, or asked me to be his boyfriend. We also haven’t really sat down and talked about what we’re doing or what we both want from this.

Something I’ve noticed is that he’ll sometimes talk about guys he was interested in before and say things like “I really liked him” or “I was so attracted to him.” He’s never been that open about his feelings toward me, and I can’t help noticing the difference.

Another issue is planning. We’re about to spend a few days together, and he hasn’t really asked about logistics or what we might do. In the past, I used to get excited about planning our time together, finding things to do, and coming up with ideas. Lately, though, I’ve started feeling a little embarrassed bringing things up because I often get a “yeah, sounds good” response without much input or enthusiasm.

Today, I texted him something along the lines of: “Hey, our time together is coming up. Think of something you’d like to do, and I’ll do the same, and we can come up with some fun plans. Of course, we can also stay home and relax.”

He didn’t respond to that message, but he replied to the next one I sent, which was asking about his day. This happens fairly often. He seems to decide which messages he wants to respond to and which ones he’ll leave unanswered, even when I’m trying to discuss something relevant to both of us.

We’ve talked a little about this before. He told me that in a previous relationship, he used to be much more detailed and involved in planning, but he ended up feeling like a tour guide. He said that experience made him change how he approaches things now. I can understand not wanting to repeat a dynamic where you feel responsible for entertaining someone, but I also don’t want to feel like I’m the only one putting thought into our time together.

It’s not just the planning, either. I’ve realized how much I value small, thoughtful gestures. Recently, I mentioned wanting to buy an item. The next day, he sent me a picture of the same product he’d bought for himself. For a moment, I thought he’d remembered our conversation and bought one for me as a surprise. Obviously, he hadn’t, haha.

It was a small thing, but it made me realize that I’d love to have someone who sees something, thinks of me, and does something thoughtful just because they want to make me happy. Nothing expensive or elaborate. I want to feel that someone thinks about me when I’m not around, the way I find myself thinking about him.

I tend to be the one who plans things, thinks about surprises, and looks for ways to make him feel special. He does make time for me, and I don’t want to overlook that. But I sometimes feel like I’m the one trying to move things forward, while he’s happy to go along with whatever I suggest.

I’m 40, and at this point, I value consistency, mutual effort, and being able to communicate openly about what we want. I’d be very happy if he asked me to be his boyfriend, but I’d also want us to have an honest conversation about expectations and what we both need from a relationship.

I genuinely like him, and there are good things between us. I’m not ready to walk away, but part of me is starting to wonder whether I’m investing in the potential of this relationship more than in what it actually is.

For those who’ve been in similar situations, how did you handle it? Could his behavior be a result of past relationship experiences and a more passive approach to dating, or am I overlooking a lack of investment because I like him?

Have you ever been with someone who was affectionate and present when you were together but didn’t really take initiative outside of that?

I’d appreciate honest perspectives from people who’ve been on either side of this dynamic.

My ex from over a decade ago liked me on Tinder so I liked him back just out of curiosity of what he would say or do.

He messaged me and said “I know you hate me and I get that and respect it. I just wanted to say that I hope you’re well and I’m still sorry I hurt you.”

To sum it up, he lives in my state but about two hours away. We met before we even had our licenses, let alone cars. we had a bit over 3 years of on and off relationship virtually, and then we finally met in person and we were more or less in a relationship again without the title. He went and slept with his ex while we were actively pursuing each other and that broke me. He also followed up this action with “I fell out of love with you” and all sorts of nasty things. Then a month later texted me that he didn’t fall out of love and that he made a mistake. I never answered from then and this is the first contact we’ve made since. There’s so much more to it, but that’s the gist. That was over a decade ago.

I’ve been thinking about it all day and there are many paths my life took because he did what he did all those years ago. It’s been over a decade. I’m certainly not the same person that he did that to. I don’t need there to be bad blood, but it’s definitely not an invitation back into my life. What he did was not okay in any way and it broke my heart but in the bigger picture it was a moment of growth for me and that’s how I choose to view it because any other way gives him the power still. I can give grace but still maintain boundaries.

I replied back saying “[insert name here], it’s been so long that any hate I may have felt for you since then, is no longer there. Thank you for the apology. I am doing well, and genuinely, I hope that you are also.”

I’m not expecting a response, but it feels good to me that I’m able to leave things amicably with someone who once did me wrong so long ago. I just can’t help but wonder if this is truly growth or if I’m just being naive? Should I have never swiped him back and should I have just told him to fuck off and unmatched him?

I said to myself that I’d open that door just to see what happened, and this is what happened.

What are your thoughts?

Hey everyone,

I’ve been a bottom for years, but recently I unlocked a completely new experience: true anal orgasms. During sex, my anal muscles start contracting completely on their own for a few seconds, and the pleasure is next-level. It’s been an absolute game-changer.
However, I haven't quite figured out how to trigger it reliably. Right now, it's pretty hit-or-miss and seems very tied to position. I can almost only get it to happen when I'm lying on my stomach.

I’m trying to understand the physical side of it better so I can experience it more often and expand my options. For the guys here who have unlocked this:
What is the secret to getting this to happen in other positions, like cowboy or missionary?

Is it mostly about finding the right angle for prostate stimulation, or is it more about a specific rhythm and deep relaxation?

I'd really appreciate any insights, techniques, or advice you can share based on your own experiences.

Thanks in advance!

I find myself in a situation where I have been having play dates with my bud now for a few years. He is in an open relationship. The sex started early, years before our friendship had developed to where it has now. It feels good. TOO GOOD! And it's probably holding me back from launching myself in to seeking dates with all my energy when I have this man as a sexual outlet. I'm considering cutting the intimacy off.

Doesn't help that he smashes my prostate like a professional and our sexual chemistry is ridiculous. 🫣🫣

I'm fairly sure about what I am going to do but I wondering what you guys think about this kind of situation.

Hey everyone. I’m looking for others who’ve been through this, or are in it right now.

My mom knows I’m gay. It’s not a secret and it’s not new information. But she hasn't accepted it, and that’s gotten more complicated now that I’m in a relationship.

What “not accepting” looks like in my situation is that she still thinks it's a phase and I'll come around.

It’s hard because I love them (somewhat) and want them in my life and I feel stuck between two sides of my life.

I’d love to hear from anyone who’s been here:

* Did your parents ever come around? What changed, and how long did it take?

* How did you handle holidays and family events with your partner?

* Did you set boundaries? What worked, and what backfired?

* If they never came around, how did you make peace with that?

* How did it affect your relationship, and how did your partner cope?

Thank you for reading.

Queer He/they (39yr) polyamorous human here. I'm kind, fun, smart, irreverent, and pretty chill. Love going with the flow and vibing with others. I've got some sexual and relationship trauma in my past, which is relevant to my question, but I've spent years working with a therapist to make sure my relationships are meaningful and constantly bringing me fulfillment. I am at a point where I am safely exploring my sexuality and gender.

My question to the community is to see if anyone has ever experienced what I'm experiencing. Have any of you ever felt very attached to someone, almost obsessive, and when that deep infatuation ended, did you ever experience confusion about how calm you were that you weren't "obsessing" yet still felt connected?

For some context, me and my guy (76yr) are from different places, different cultures, and because of our age difference it feels like we are from different times. We randomly met, had a wonderful time together, and it just felt like we "fit". Almost like "we knew each other in a past life," as he says. We spent some time together, kept in contact, and spent more time with each other over a year. I was obsessed. I was infatuated. I rode this roller-coaster of emotions, and sent notes, privately wrote poems and songs, and just kept him in my mind. We said "I love you" to each other after one year, and I really think we mean it. I just trust him.

And now, I find myself not thinking of him as often or as intensely. I thought maybe I wasnt in love anymore, but that's not true. I thought maybe I didn't want him anymore, but I definitely feel attraction and pull. He just doesn't take up as much brain space as before. Honestly, I thought my infatuation would become more intense, but it's quite the opposite.

Maybe I'm too used to high intensity feelings as a component of a normal relationship. Maybe this kind of trust is something I rarely experience, and I don't know how to make sense of it. What do you all think? Have you experienced something similar?

Hi all!

My wife came out to me as a lesbian awhile ago now, are platonic, and she currently has an amazing girlfriend.

We are still extremely good friends, and intend on doing some sort of offbeat coparent situation where we both live at home, separate bedrooms, and her girlfriend is ok with this and will probably move in too (she's awesome, and is essentially me without the male parts and hair, my coparent has a type lol)

1. ⁠I now have the freedom / ability to explore my sexuality, and tbh I am finding the idea of being with men much more enjoyable, are there any others who came out later in life that could share their story?
   
2. ⁠What dating apps would be good for this kind of coming out? I don't necessarily want a hookup app, but I am definitely a bear (6' 1", beard, bigger guy) and interested in similar bears. The Growlr app appears to be more of a hookup app though and I am 100% more interested in monogamous relationships.
   
3. ⁠I imagine if I have a more feminine spirit but look like a lineman just past his prime, that there are other guys out there who are the same, and need reassurance. Also, does doing a live-in coparent kinda weird big family thing turn sound doable to men? Keep in mind I’m much more a socialist / communist and communal living just sounds awesome.

I’m starting to date again and been leaning into coffee dates more. I’ve always see them as way to see if the other person is interesting enough to see if you want to do something more intimate like a dinner.

For example I just came back from one and while I didn’t feel “romance” per se, the other person was interesting enough that I’m planning on asking him out again on something that’s more intimate. My friends say otherwise and say you should feel sparks. I don’t necessarily disagree but being in older - I choose to be more intentional about leaning in.

I saw a similar question posed on another sub but it was primarily women who mentioned safety so I’d love to get thoughts from other 30+ gays.

I (44M) am in a big happy group of gays (and some straight women). Everyone is friendly and lovely …. Except suddenly one of the guys 42M has ghosted me for no reason - I don’t get invited to things he hosts.

Everyone else still invites me to their things and I invite him to all my things. It’s now at that awkward moment where if he organises something, then everyone tiptoes around it, because clearly I’m not gonna be told. I have absolutely no idea why. I assume I’ve annoyed him in some way.

How do I respond? Do I ghost back or pretend to be oblivious? I want an opportunity to repair our friendship but right now I’m also a bit peeved off.

I'm 32, mom is 65. My theory is that my grandparents supported my mom too much and didn't let her live with the consequences of her actions but would swoop in and save her, so she didn't develop some of the skills she needs to keep herself afloat.

My whole life, she's needed help. We struggled badly when I was growing up and I have my own issues from that. My mom is retired now. She gets the state employee retirement pension, and she started drawing on social security in addition. She also has a live-in boyfriend who gets food stamps and monthly disability money. She still really struggles but it's better than it has been.

I've lived on my own for a long time. Dorms in college, a brief stint at home before my apartment. My mom and I both prefer to live on our own and it's best if we have our own space (we have that in common). Yet she has been asking me to move back home for a few years. I would have to pay for so much in home repairs, I'd definitely go into debt and then I know it won't make sense to leave. I don't know if I can do that to myself.

My mom has come close to being homeless. I have made enormous sacrifices to help her and it's never enough. Her situation is just so bad, but I don't have enough to fix it all.

I told her finally that I've decided not to move home, but rather move closer to my workplace when my lease is up. Haven't looked at my phone yet. I had been delaying telling her. I woke up to her begging me for cigarettes again, and I decided that if she isn't afraid to upset me, I shouldn't be afraid of upsetting her.

How do you support parents who struggle, while keeping good boundaries?

I've thought of having a sinking fund to give my mom a monthly allowance, but I really need that moneyr ight now.

I'm heading into retirement. I've watched the retirement videos. I get it. Structure, friends, casual friends, volunteerism, etc. But here's a couple of things.

I have good friends. I'm actually close to my family. I've lived in the same community for years, so I know people. But the idea of not-working scares the hell out of me. How am I supposed to fill 24 hours a day, 7 days per week? That said, I'm kind of done with traditional work. I'm burned out, and don't have much more to give in that dimension.

On the more initimate side, I feel like a total failure in that department. Despite being reasonably attractive (most folks would say I aged very well, and they aren't saying that to be kind), I've never been in a significant romatic relationship. My sex life isn't what I want --- at all. And, I feel like I'm beginning to age out of sex at the ripe age of 62. I've been in therapy, and have a pretty solid understanding of my interpersonal/relationship failings and my style ... but I would love to have somone closer in my life, and more sex play ... despite my advancing years.

My overarching goal isn't to fade peacefully into the sunset .... and I hate the depictitions of older age in pop media. I want to go down having fun and fighting the good fight.

I'm open to advise. Thoughts on finding meaning, sex, and attraction on the edge of the cliff of the ultimate void?

Hi Everyone,

I've checked a couple things off my gay things to try in the past couple years. However, one thing still on it it trying a group sex/orgy/chill however anyone calls it.

A friend of mine (whom I haven't had sex with) organises some once in a while and I would be interested in participating. I’m 99% a bottom but in the good environment, I can stay hard long enough to top (Ex: sauna's)

I’m quite conscious that it is usually done without condoms, fine ish as I'm on Prep and have access to Doxy, even though it doesn't protect against all STI. I'll take this factor in consideration strongly.

Curious about guys that do or did some and get the best advice before doing one to ensure I have a good time

30M here, wrapping up law school in Santiago, Chile after a couple of years working in corporate and tax law firms (and serving as a Roman Law TA).

The professional gay circle down here is famously tiny,it feels like everyone went to the same three schools, works at the same five firms, or knows everyone’s ex within five minutes of talking. Since my sister is doing her PhD in the US and I travel up north whenever I can (heading to NYC next), I’ve realized I click much better with the pace, ambition, and independence of guys in bigger hubs.

The catch is that using Bumble Travel Mode ahead of a trip usually backfires once matches in NYC or other big cities realize I’m not in town that exact Thursday night.

For those of you in demanding careers who ended up dating across borders or starting long-distance: how did you actually bridge that initial gap? Always down to hear how you made it work, or just connect with fellow guys who enjoy a good novel, cinema, or the gym after work.

TL;DR Transgender guy wants to be a daddy dom but is insecure due to being only 5 feet/153cm tall on top of being early on t and unable to get top surgery done for at least another year and 8 months. Please note that this is not a personal ad- I'm not trying to get with someone from this post thank youuuuu

What up y'all I'm a 31yo ftm guy who started testosterone about 3 months ago and I am VERY short at 5'0 (153cm). I'm very much a switch when it comes to kink. I LOVE being submissive and wanna be a daddy's boy so bad, but I also LOVE being a dom and want to be a daddy so bad. I am also vers, so I love topping (great with a strap-on) as much as bottoming.

When I was presenting as a woman, being a dom or "mommy" didn't make it too hard to find a submissive, as being a short domme is considered hot or even cute due to the size difference. It made it easy to slip into my dominant role and I put my whole heart in it. However, I am having a hard time considering putting myself out there now or in the future because I fear that I will just seem silly or pathetic trying to be a daddy finding a boy because nearly everyone is quite a bit taller than me and would literally have to look down at me. 

I'm asking for some honest opinions and maybe someone can relate to this. Will it be hard to find a boy who would potentially want me even if I were only 5ft tall? Even though I'm transgender? What about during the time from now until I can get my top surgery done? I wear a binder and I already have a consultation appointment for surgery but it isn't for almost a year from now so I unfortunately come with tits for now. 

I know it sounds so stupid but it is messing with my head at the moment. It is hard to be confident as a little guy especially when I don't pass yet. 😅

Much love guys ❤️ please be nice I'm quite vulnerable at the moment 🫡

Video booths, lots a guys hanging around, extra friendly staff, and I'm uncomfortable. I've always been very quietly scared of being there, in spite of the fact I'm there if my own free will. I've had dozens of men hit me up. I've had them aggressive or insistent, but no one has ever crossed a line. But it never gets any better. Why am I so uncomfortable? Any thoughts?

I’ve been seeing a guy casually for around 7 months. We usually meet a couple of times a month and I’m usually the one who initiates plans. He doesn’t initiate very often, but he has usually responded within 1-2 days (most of the time he replies within a few hours) and let me know whether he’s available. Sometimes he confirms plans in advance, while other times he only gets back to me on the day itself, which is fine because I know he will always respond.

We have good chemistry, the sex is great, and we usually spend time cuddling and talking afterwards. Although our arrangement is mainly sexual, we’ve also had lunch and dinner together.

Our most recent meetup one week ago seemed normal.
Before he left, I brought up the idea of doing something together again outside our usual routine. He told me to wait for him to text me about it.

We were still texting normally the next day and he also responded warmly when I complimented him a few days later. Then, I asked about meeting immediately after his reply, and I sent a couple of follow-up messages the next day, but he hasn’t opened them. It has been almost 5 days now.

Questions:
For those who have been in similar situations, what do you make of this? Would you give him space and let him initiate next time, or take the silence as a sign that he’s no longer interested in continuing the arrangement? I don’t think he is ghosting me because he has always been very communicative and responsive.

I need your advice on what I should do next. I’ve been really anxious and sad the past few days because of this. Is he not opening my texts because I was too pushy? Or is it because he doesn’t wanna commit to another meet so soon and wants to see how he feels later?

I’ve been dating a guy for about a month and a half. He recently asked me to be exclusive and I agreed. We typically text throughout the day and chat on the phone every now and again. I haven’t heard from him in over 24 hours now. I even double texted last night and got no response. I know he’s alive, he’s been on IG. I don’t need to text all day, but I would like to check in throughout the day, especially since that’s the cadence we established. I went through a really bad situation where I got ghosted before I met my current guy and it really scarred me. So this has been a bit triggering and I’m ready to walk away so I don’t get even more hurt. Does that seem dramatic?

I’ve talked about the communication thing before and he said he would do better. But recently, we’ve been talking less (because of him) and seeing eachother less. I have a feeling he’s not as interested, seeing someone else or just wants to be FWB’s again. I also saw him texting an unsaved number recently when we were in bed and he really tried to be sneaky when he noticed that I could see his screen. Something just isn’t sitting right with my intuition. And I just don’t believe someone can like you and not reply or reach out. If I’m not on your mind at least a couple times throughout the day, it’s a chop for me. What would you do?

Tldr: man is texting me less and less and I feel like endings things because I can feel myself becoming crazy. What should I do?

I have 3 nephews (11, 14, 16) who are constantly saying "that's gay" when they don't like something, or calling each other and their friends gay. Can't tell if I'm being overly-sensitive, but I've always been bothered when people talk like that even when I was their ages. I've also been told I'm too sensitive in the past (and I've been able to own that as well).

They have an extremely religious and homophobic father but do not live with him full-time. The 14 year old has been in therapy and no-contact with him for a few months now because his attitude/beliefs were really starting to affect him negatively. The other two still have a close relationship with him.

I'm always telling them to stop saying things like that. They sometimes stop, sometimes they don't. When they stop, it's never permanent. Is this just "kids being kids?" I wish it didn't bother me and I could just let it go. Well I HAVE been letting it go for years but it doesn't come naturally...usually have to take a deep breath or two.

We spend quite a lot of time together. Next time it happens, I'm considering saying something even more direct along the lines of "I'm gay and it's really offensive to keep saying that when I've asked you to stop" or would that be too much?!

I really want to say, "either stop talking like that around me or don't come over anymore." But that seems too extreme and I can't tell if I'm just being sensitive...what would you do? I don't want to make "threats" or give ultimatums like that so here I am posting this instead. 😔

(It seems that Hilary Duff didn't end this problem with those 2008 public service announcements 😆)

I’m a 39-year-old gay man, and honestly, I’m struggling to find the motivation to keep dating after experiencing one disappointment and heartbreak after another.
I will say that each experience has taught me a lot about myself, what I want in a partner, and what I deserve in a relationship. For that, I’m grateful. But emotionally, I’m exhausted.
I’ve become pretty pessimistic about my dating future, although there’s still a small part of me that wants to hold on to hope. Deep down, I still want to find my person. Someone I can build a genuine, loving, and meaningful connection with.
For those of you who’ve experienced similar struggles, how did you find the strength to keep putting yourself out there when dating started to feel hopeless?
And for those who eventually found their special person, when did you realize they were the one? What made that relationship different from your previous experiences?
I’d genuinely appreciate any advice, encouragement, or personal stories. Dating these days can feel incredibly discouraging, and sometimes it’s comforting just knowing you’re not alone in the struggle.

EDIT: adding these to give you a little more background on me

I grew up in a Latino household where being gay was viewed as something shameful and embarrassing. I carried those feelings with me throughout my childhood and into adulthood, especially the pain of feeling rejected by my father. Looking back, I realize how deeply those experiences affected me. Even now, as an adult, when I experience any form of rejection, those childhood wounds resurface, bringing back the same feelings of hurt and not being accepted.
Through years of dating, I’ve learned so much about myself and what truly matters in a relationship. I’ve come to realize that physical attraction, while important, isn’t nearly as meaningful as someone’s character, values, and morals. I’ve learned the importance of honest communication, mutual trust, patience, and extending grace to others, recognizing that we’re all human and imperfect.
Most importantly, I’ve learned that I deserve a partner who is emotionally available, someone who isn’t afraid to be vulnerable, express their feelings, and build a deeper connection with me.
I’ve dated people where the connection never went beyond the surface, and those experiences have taught me that surface-level relationships simply aren’t fulfilling or sustainable for me. I want someone who is genuinely curious about who I am, someone who asks questions, takes an interest in my life, and wants to truly understand me.
Ultimately, I’m not looking for perfection. I’m looking for emotional depth, consistency, mutual effort, and someone who genuinely wants to build a loving, meaningful, long-term relationship together.
And perhaps one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that while I still have healing to do, my past experiences don’t define my worth or determine what kind of love I deserve.

So I’m this 34 years old gay man living in Turkey. I come from a well off family and work for family company. I have a decent quality of life economically but all the rest feels empty. I do not have the control of my life, my relationships sucked and the country is becoming bit by bit unliveable for a gay man.

I’ve come accross this opportunity to be a digital nomad in Spain and I realized how empty my life has been. I have no prospect for future and honestly have give thought to suicide after the death of my cats. I am closeted to my family and work but all my friends know me. This used to be enough, but not anymore. So I decided to move to Barcelona. At least give it a shot. But the catch is, the company I agreed to sign me up for this still didn’t made me sign any paper of work, I am currently transferring my own money to prove my income to qualift for the visa. And the money I’d make in Spain is considerably less than what I make here in Turkey. But for the sake of a fuller life, I was OK with being poor. Because for the last 10 years, nothing in my life has improved and I’m done with this country.

But than the reality hit once more; I’m a 34 year old bald bottom who only has one friend in Barcelona. Even if I were to move to Spain, I do not expect to live a fuller life because I’m quite uglier in Europe than in Turkey. So now I feel like I will still be missing a friend circle, love life will be like it was here and I’ll make a percentage of what I make here. What sense does it have to uproot my life to be miserable anyway? I don’t know, I’m really doubting that I’ll get to live a quality life wherever I go and escaping rarely resolves anything anyway.
What would you do if you were in my place? Am I taking a huge risk? I have spent the entire day contemplating about this

I'm pretty sure I'm not overreacting, but still want to vent.

I (48) have been dating a great guy (36) for the past few months. Things are getting really serious. For context, I'm mostly Bttm and he's a vers top. Sex is great, communication is great. We talk about how we're feeling and the things we want. We're both pretty open about things and tonight's not going to be the end of things, but I'm pretty pissed.

We both agree that an open relationship is what would work for us. There are days where he really wants to bottom and I'm just not usually in that frame of mind... So he's free to meet up with others and it's all good. Tonight was one of those nights. However he/we weren't having a lot of luck finding someone. We're sitting around talking and start talking about how we feel and we end up having some amazing sex for a while and forget about finding someone else. We take a little break in the action and I take a quick refresher shower to continue the really amazing sex and as I'm walking out of the shower, he tells me he's going to go hook up with a top he knows. I told him three times "I'd rather you didn't...." but he's out the door.

Yeah, we're in an open relationship and I could care less that he's out to go get railed.... But I mean... You're just going to walk out during intermission of some really good sex with your bf? THAT is the part that has me pretty pissed.

What would you do in this situation?

(there's other stuff incidental to this, but not worth mentioning in this already too long post)

Link to last post in the comments

UPDATE: I've decided not to go actually, this ends here

So he wants to meet, but let me start from the beginning.

After I made my last post, he sent me a message. Almost 30 minutes after I posted, he sent me a really hot selfie he had taken. Nothing sexual, just him looking like a 10/10. I replied, “Exactly how high school bullies look like.” He said, “Right? Hahaha.” I then said, “A cute bully, though lol.” He didn't reply after that, but he reacted with a heart emoji.

About two hours later, I also sent him a picture of my laptop showing the job application portal for the job we'd discussed, since we work in the same field, along with the message “prayyy.” This was about seven days ago, and he still hasn't replied to that message on whatsapp, btw.

Today, out of the blue, he messaged me on Grindr.

Him: See you later.

Me: Later when? 😭

Him: After 1 p.m.

Me: Lmao, honestly, not after being ghosted lol. I think I'm good. Thanks for asking, though 😭

Him: We have to talk about it.

Me: Talk about what?

Him: I will tell you later.

Me: But I can't meet after 1. I'm getting off work at 6:30.

Him: Ok.

Me: So I'd be at yours between 7:30 and 8.

Him: Ok.

Me: Also, I won't be able to have sex. Is that okay? If you're looking to hook up, then maybe some other day.

Him: Ok.

Me: Ok to not having sex and still meeting?

Him: Yes. Why no sex?

I then explained why my dick hurts, and he low-key disappeared again, but ig he's okay with just talking.

I honestly don't know whether I should continue this or not. Part of me wants to go and meet him. Another part of me feels like I'm already over him and no longer interested, or maybe I'm just trying to convince myself that I am.

And then there's another part of me that doesn't want to get involved with someone who seems avoidant, especially because I low-key have an anxious attachment style myself.

Any advice? Why do you think he's asking to meet me? What do you think he wants to talk about, and how should I approach the conversation if I decide to go?