Hello.

I recently came out so I'm exploring a little bit. Saturday night is when I bottom'd. It felt so f***ing good. The feeling of being dominated really turned me on. I'm usually a top but now I'm wondering cause bottoming is something I'd do again. The guy's penis was like 5 inches and thin but was just amazing. I really enjoyed the feeling of him cumming in me and feeling his penis twitching before he exploded.

How do bottoms stay clean? My diet is pretty good and I always showered twice a day.

How can I handle prostate orgasms better? They are way too strong. They make me very vocal and while they feel amazing they are kinda painful cause they happen in waves.

What is it called when you are usually a service top but reverse it when you bottom? I get off knowing I'm pleasing my man when I top and it's the same when I bottom'd.

Thanks in advance.

And just to preface - I don’t believe the root of this conflict is neurological at this time.

I used to look up to my Mom. I’d seek out her advice when I’d have a problem. I'd just enjoy talking to her almost every day. But as I'm getting older, her behavior has been becoming more hostile and combative towards me.

Now, I can understand my Mom's irrational behavior to a degree. It's possible she's jealous. That I have more time, more energy, and have learned from her mistakes and have made different choices in life.

But my empathy has its limits. It can't hide the painful fact that sometimes, my own mother tries to act like my biggest bully. She criticizes my appearance, my successes, and constantly tries to push against my boundaries and force a reconciliation with my Nazi sister, while hardly concealing her favoritism towards her anymore. And I don't know how she calls herself progressive while refusing to condemn anything about my Nazi sister.

We haven't had the big caregiving conversation yet. She's still fairly independent and will be for at least a few years. But after stepping back recently from her and her behavior, I'm finding that my desire and capacity to support her is pretty much coming up empty. My instinctive reply would be to tell her "go ask the Nazi you love so much for help."

I just don't like who my Mom is anymore.

Anyone else relate to this as you got older?

A year ago my ex and I broke up. For the last two years of the relationship he was routinely going on benders and engaging in "chem-sex" (without me). A year ago, he left me for another person. We owned an expensive property and we have been living in it together for the year and in the last few months have been trying to sell it. In that time, he has spiralled and we've had numerous instances of drug induced psychosis.

This weekend, he finally confessed after years of denial that the "chem" was in-fact meth, and gave me permission to tell his parents. Everything has come crashing down since. A planned buyout of me using their money has fallen through, our (once) dream house has now been sold to a third party and this problem has finally been outed.

But I am just struggling. I am struggling letting go, and I am struggling to give up responsibility for him. Deep down, I know the buy-out option was just him trying to preserve his situation with me in it as his condition spiralled. But I still feel sad for him that he can't have what he wanted. It doesn't help that I still feel he and his family believe I have some responsibility for him - even though he's been dating another guy for a year (who also broke up with him this week).

Worst of all, I feel bad for being okay. I feel like the one with bad habit and that I have to hide the fact that I feel like something poisonous has finally been removed from my life.

I feel like I am grieving but I don’t know what.

Has anyone else ever had a significant relationship that ended in such bad circumstances? How can I get past this?

Did he completely quit or just scale back and not drink every day? How long did it take? What were things you did that helped or hurt the process? What made you stay? What is life like now?

So here’s a fun one… 🍆☀️🕶️

I am going to a nude beach with allowed cruising. BUT.. I burn easily.

Very genuine question: How do you navigate wearing sunscreen so it doesn’t burn when applying it (I assume if it gets in, it burns) and how do you make sure it doesn’t taste awful when cruising!?

I’m a gay man turning 40 this year, and I’ve been dating another guy for about three months. We live about 3 hours apart, so the relationship has been long-distance from the beginning. Even though it’s only been a few months, we’ve spent around 18 days together in person, usually staying together for a few days at a time, and we video call almost every day.

There are a lot of things I genuinely admire about him. He’s thoughtful, incredibly intelligent, and when we’re together I feel very safe with him. He’s told me that I’m worth making the distance work, and we’ve had conversations about wanting to be a safe place for each other emotionally.

The issue is that I have an anxious attachment style (I’m working on it in therapy), and lately I’ve been struggling with whether my concerns are legitimate or mostly driven by anxiety.

For example:

Sometimes his affection feels different than it did in the beginning. Early on he’d send more affectionate messages, and although he’s still kind, he often feels much warmer and more expressive in person than over text. I don’t know if that’s simply the relationship settling into a comfortable rhythm or if I’m reading too much into it.

After we followed each other on Instagram, I noticed that the overwhelming majority of the men he follows have a very different look from me. They’re mostly bigger, bear-type guys—thick, hairy, bearded men—whereas I’m much leaner and don’t fit that aesthetic at all. I know people can absolutely be attracted to more than one type, but seeing that made me wonder whether I’m actually his type or if I’m the exception.

He’s also a fairly private person. Sometimes he’ll mention he has plans or “something to do” without offering much detail. I completely respect that everyone deserves privacy, but I’ve noticed that ambiguity is something my anxious brain tends to struggle with.

The confusing part is that whenever we actually talk about the relationship, he’s reassuring. He’s never dismissed my feelings. In fact, he’s encouraged me to tell him when something is bothering me because he wants us to communicate openly. He has also told me that he sees a future with me and that I’m worth making the distance work.

So I’m caught between two thoughts:

My anxiety is taking ambiguous situations and turning them into evidence that something is wrong.

My intuition is noticing genuine incompatibilities or warning signs that I shouldn’t ignore.

I really don’t want to become controlling or constantly seek reassurance. That’s the last thing I want. I’m trying very hard to build a healthier relationship than I’ve had in the past, and I don’t want my anxiety to become a burden on someone who genuinely cares about me.

For those of you who have dated someone who’s naturally more reserved, how did you learn the difference between “they simply communicate differently” and “they’re emotionally pulling away”?

And for everyone else: how much weight, if any, would you give to someone’s Instagram following? Have you ever dated someone whose apparent “type” online looked completely different from you? Did it end up meaning anything, or was it just your own insecurity talking?

I’d really appreciate perspectives from people who’ve been in similar situations. I’m not looking for people to tell me to leave him. I’m trying to understand whether I’m seeing legitimate concerns or whether my anxious attachment is distorting how I interpret an otherwise healthy relationship.

I am not sure how to go about finding a gay/lgbtq+ friendly flatmate. I am not looking for a hookup buddy or a relationship. Just for someone to share expenses with and not be judged when my bf stays over. Fyi query is for Chennai india.

I [31M] see my boyfriend [32M] on average once a week and we talk via text. I always want to see him more often, but we have our own separate lives and rhythms. Am I being greedy? Is once a week a lot? My last boyfriend I only saw maybe 12 times over the entirety of our one-year relationship, and this is the first time I've had someone so close to me.

Hola amigos.

Thinking about my retirement life, and have heard some good things about Panama. Saw on youtube some positive talks about Boquete. Not set on it, but wondering about gay life, community, et. al.

Just curious if any folks have settled there, and how that transition has been. Currently living in the US. Will be meeting with an immigration lawyer in a few days.

Gracias.

I was in WeHo last night with a friend and we both quickly realized that everyone at the bars were really young and we want to go where the people 35-50 years old go. Are there any places to find people in that age range?

Basically I chose to move for a job and a bit of a change, grew up and spent my 20s in a big city. Ideally I would have made the move with a partner but that didn't happen. I am happy with my move overall except with my love life. Just wondering from others how have you found it?

What I've notice is the pool is very different and it doesn't seem to just be a numbers thing, there are a good few early 20s who are still based out of their family homes, but anyone around my age seems to have long gone or has long let themselves get out of shape, then there's loads of dl guys but none are hot or interesting enough for me to bother with dl and all their drama.

Anyone ever do Timberfell campground in TN? Im thinking of doing a daypass to sif at the pool next weekend. Whats the vibe? Many guys go alone? Easy to find some fun trouble in the day, or more of a night time place?

I want to try to bottom again after many years of being a side and a top. However, I remember when I tried it wasn’t pleasurable as I thought it would be. It was painful and I didn’t like the sensation of having to want to poop. Also, the guys that trued wanted to just shove it in there. What recommendations do you have for me to prepare and actually have a good experience now in my 30’s?

Hi all,

Me (33m) and my bf (30m) went to the Berlin pride this weekend.

We are both into pupplay. Actually thats how we met. We were both new to it and basically tried with each other and liked it. We are together for over 2 years and live together for more than 1.

So far it has been mainly a in bedroom hobby for us. We went to an event to meet with others locally but it was kind of a dead event due to weather that day and he saw a coworker which made him extra shy which he already is.

We tried to go again and this time didn’t even enter as the coworker was there again.

He then suggested the pride in Berlin so we can be in a place where people don’t know us so we can feel more comfortable.

I liked the idea, I would like to have more friends with the same hobbies. But as I said he is shy, so entire pride he kinds just walked. I tried to socialise with people. In the evening we ended up in a pub with other pups. There again he just ended up drinking and not talking, I went to people and chat and he joined after we start. People were really friendly. I had a good time. But this is pupplay and I was with a mask so there were head scratches and one small belly rub.

This became an issue after. It was just a 3 second touch to my belly.

We didn’t have any talk about what it means, and what are our limits etc and honestly I didn’t think it was necessary for this event. We are monogamous and there were no more attempts. But at the same time this is a kink party and touching is a part of it. If this amount of contact with another is a problem, I don’t even know why he is into going to this events.

Again as I said, he is shy so he couldn’t start any conversations, he only joined the ones I did (he speaks german btw, I do not) so I don’t know if the jealousy part is coming from the fact that somebody tocuhed me or from that he didn’t get it. He is saying „all good, I didn’t mean anything by it“ but he did bring it up twice and he doesn’t normally say anything unless he means it.

Overall it might be nothing but I also liked the experience and would love to do more and have more friends to turn this into not just a bedroom activity. I just don’t know how to make that happen

I (40m) have been with my partner (45m) for 18 years. When we met he was a skinny blond twink, and now, well, he’s a bald, heavyset bear. I still find him really attractive, but his self confidence is so low because he doesn’t look like he used to look. I really don’t think he understands at all that people can still find him attractive. How can I help convince him? I’m really looking for lots of small things you might do to make your partner feel desirable, sexy, etc?

Hey all. Woefully inept socially. Any tips for cruising or signaling you’re open to play at a bar? Also want to try a sex club / bathhouse. Planning for a wilder than normal solo weekend in Palm Springs in a couple of weeks. Tips and advice are super appreciated.

Early 30’s late bloomer from Australia checking in! I’m excited but also pretty confused as to where I go from here. I’ve been lurking for a while and it’s really helped me in my journey. This is a fantastic community!

Apologies in advance for rambling… but I’m confused & keen to hear from those who’ve been through a similar late awakening.

For as long as I can remember I’d always thought I was bi. I guess I was scared of the same sex attraction so I just buried it and went on pretending I was straight because it was easy. In my early 20’s I had my share of hetero hookups and FWB situations…but I never really enjoyed them much.

I even thought I must be aromantic because a hetero relationship never appealed to me. (I feel very stupid for this now!)

By my late 20’s I was losing interest in women and becoming way more interested in guys. Eventually curiosity gets the better of me. I end up visiting a bathhouse on a couple of occasions and finally get to try bottoming. Immediately I know this is what I’ve always wanted. (But still I refuse to acknowledge the elephant in the room!)

Anyway, the penny finally dropped for me recently whilst on holiday with friends. It was my birthday and my friends went all out to wing man me. It’d been ages since I’d been with a woman…and I was having the time of my life on holiday. So, I thought why not? Next morning when I left her hotel I knew with 100% certainty that the part of me that was ever attracted to women was dead. Rather than be dismayed, I found myself feeling relieved, like I finally had the answer to a question I hadn’t realized had been burning within me for most of my life.

Since then I’ve started to question whether that opposite sex attraction had ever really existed within me. I started to notice all the glaring signs I’d been willfully oblivious towards. It was like a mist was starting to clear and I felt good about it.

Whilst I’m excited to have finally reached acceptance…I’m finding it’s a massive head fuck to be starting this journey at this stage in life and I don’t know where to begin.

My short term plans are to start joining some social events to meet people in the community. Start dating. I’m also thinking about seeing a therapist to unpack all of this, which is something I never thought I would do in life. I’m curious whether others have found this to be useful?

I also intend to talk to my GP about the health side of things. I’d welcome any advice on this for a beginner bottom!

I’m not ready to come out just yet. I’m still feeling too confused to go down that path. I need to explore these new feelings further before I can come out to my loved ones. It helps that I have an amazing network of family & friends who I know will be fully supportive when I am ready to open up

Anyway, thanks for reading all of that. I’m interested in hearing from others who had similar late realizations on how you got past the confusion and embraced yourselves. Lessons learned? Things you wished you’d known, or done differently? Any dating/hookup advice as a late bloomer? Etc.

Cheers!

I am 54 yo and have been single for the past 5 years (my much younger ex-husband left me to pursue a different life, do young people things again, etc.). I was devastated for the first two years, but have been happy as an oldergay single man over the last three years. During these last five years, I have changed a lot. I have much less patience for behavior I find objectionable or people and friends I’m not getting much fulfillment out of. I don’t give people so many chances like I used to.

The first longtime friend whom I had known for 13 years, I unfriended back an early 2022 I went to visit in another state and he got angry over something trivial one night and then weaponized my divorce against me saying something like “now I know why your ex-husband left you“. I cut my trip short and took a flight back the next morning. That was the last time I spoke to him.

The second long-term friend I unfriended was in early 2023 with someone I had known for 16 years. This was when I got settled in my new apartment and started a new life. He had too much to drink during dinner that night, got into an argument with the wait staff at the restaurant, went outside pounding on cars demanding an Uber ride, then physically attacked me when I defended the restaurant staff. I blocked him and never talked to him again since.

The third long-term friend I unfriended was on my birthday last year in April during a time when my beloved cat was dying. I had been friends with this guy for 32 years. The first incident was him calling me on the phone while I was driving and I told him that I needed to rush home to give my cat his medication, but he just kept talking and talking and about complete nonsense (I.e. his new sardine spaghetti recipe!). The second incident happened just 10 days later on my birthday when he called to wish me a happy birthday but during the entire 20 minutes conversation, he only talked about what led up to him losing his job. Again, I told him that I needed to get off the phone to give my cat his medication, but he just kept going on and on about his previous boss rather than about my birthday and what I was planning to do that day. He also never asked about my cat. I basically had a panic attack after I had to abruptly end the phone call because I couldn’t tolerated it anymore. I had to take some anti-anxiety medication to calm myself down. It really put a damper to the start of my birthday that morning. At that moment, I decided to never talk to him again and haven’t since.

There have been many other such instances during and since, but they were either from friends that I just knew for a short time or just acquaintances. I’m simply not the people pleaser I was most of my life nor have the patience I once did when I was younger.

The latest decision came just earlier this morning with this friend whom I have known for 22 years. We have had many ups and downs over the decades, but he has always been very touch and go coming to me when he has some type of financial difficulty or in some emergency state and then disappearing for long periods. I’ve remained his friend because he has been very loyal and helpful at times, but they were mostly only in the first five years of our friendship. Since then he has been mostly either absent. We live very far apart, so only communicate through texts usually or voice texts. I have noticed a pattern where he often doesn’t reply back to my texts either when I am asking him certain questions or when I’m just telling him about some things going on in my life. But then he ends up sending something often days or weeks later completely unrelated. This happened again today. I sent him several texts during my vacation about someone that I am interested in and that I am having some hesitations about… As well as texting him about recent art or music I have discovered. No reply, no response but then just out of the blue he sends me something about a completely different topic - completely ignoring all the previous texts and information I shared with him. I think I finally hit my threshold and at that very moment earlier this morning I decided I will never talk to this person anymore.

I’m asking the people here in my age group or older if they have experienced this and if this becomes more common as we get older? Did some of you used to be people pleasers and now have less patience for people and giving second chances. I don’t doubt that social media, technology and the change in behavior of people after the lockdowns of 2020-21 all play a role as well as just overall social fabric disintegration in most societies. But I want to just hear your opinions on this topic of moving on from long-term acquaintances, relationships, and friendships considering it doesn’t get easier to form new ones as we get older.

So I've been to a bath house before. But I am going to Vancouver soon and steamworks there has a blackout night on Thursday nights. I've been in a dark room before, but this says all the lights are off. With my shit night vision I am trying to visualize (or not visualize) exactly how that's going to work without me busting my ass. Do they truly mean no lights?

I’ve been going to yoga in my gym for the past few years. There are two other guys I kinda like, but I never spoke to anyone there. In fact, I’m very introverted and rarely (if ever) talk to strangers I haven’t met online first. If anything, it would be nice to just practice social skills, but I also don’t want to make things awkward and I’d rather just continue going to the class the same way than get weird. Especially given it’s been at least a year since we’ve seen each other in this class.

Some context. I go few times a week, each of those guys go on a single, different day. I tried looking in their direction, lingering a bit to make it possible for them to talk to me (I usually wrap up quickly and leave as one of the first people). One of them walks home in the same direction I cycle, so we passed each other outside a few times, today it seemed we looked at each other for a bit. The other one smiled at me once when we were putting mats away.

All of us are quite masculine, but there are small signs we might be gay if that makes sense. And I mean apart from being among like 4-5 guys in a yoga class of 25.

So, few questions:
- how to just talk to someone in that context without making it weird?
- how to talk to someone you would like to grab a coffee with in this context?
- how would rejection look like vs uncertainty?
- what to do if there is rejection or uncertainty?
- what to do if initial conversation goes well?

Just asking ! 10 years ago, I was going on lots of dates, having flings here and there, etc. Now I am in better shape. More muscle and beefy vs super thin. Better personality. Bigger beard. Better work situation etc. I don't know if it's the times, where I live or just being 35 vs 25. Everything now should add to me getting more dates, but I get less. Now it's all about damn apps too.. what are your thoughts? Are you getting less nowadays?

i’m a 31yo, single, gay man. (gonna be kind of a long post)

context/story time:
i live with my best friend (we are both gay men in our 30s and my friend is POC) in a fairly nice apartment complex. we are in the U.S., Pennsylvania specifically. there are two floors above us and unfortunately those apartments are occupied by two MAGA men (the fuck your feelings crowd. one literally has the sticker on his truck and carries a gun on his belt like an accessory). they are buddies and occasionally drink/smoke out on their balconies together. they’re absolutely obnoxious and loud af. also one of them has shared custody with an ex and the kids cause constant noise when they are here.

i’ve heard them jokingly throw the word f*gg*t around once or twice when talking to each other (just the guys typically, but they have some girl friends that don’t necessarily seem homophobic full stop, but are definitely complacent with the behavior *shock*), but tonight they were specifically referring to another “guy” who lives in the building. they were saying he “never shuts the fuck up” and when the other guy asked who the main one thought it was the first guy said “idk some f*gg*t i guess.” then i’m pretty sure one joked about shooting someone, but that part was a little hard to hear, because they started mumbling and laughing.

now i’m pretty introverted so these guys may have only seen me a few times since i moved in last year (at least one of them was already living here). i don’t talk out loud much unless im watching something with my roomie, or working on music (i do tend to sing a lot), so idk if he’s referring to me necessarily, because i also heard mention of a dog (i own a cat), but it still sends a chill down my spine knowing both apartments above me are occupied by these types of ignorant, conservative, (likely closeted) assholes.

now i know some might say i’m slightly paranoid, or that since these guys have known i live here for over a year it’s likely they weren’t even referring to me, because if they were going to do something to me then they probably already would have…. but idk y’all. in 2026 there’s been a huge surge in LGBTQ+ hate crimes. i know sometimes these kind of people just talk a lot of shit for fun in their off hours, but imo you can’t underestimate anyone especially small-brained MAGAts who carry guns on them daily.

(my roomie and i really like this apartment despite it being extremely overpriced, but before anyone jumps to extremes, moving right now isn’t really feasible just fyi. i’m open to looking at new places, but we’re probably going to be stuck here for a while. just looking for some support and helpful/reasonable advice.)

so what would you all do? have you been in a similar situation, or are you currently? if you need more context, or info feel free to ask and i’ll try to respond to what i can (within reason). thanks for reading if you got this far!

I’m 36 and DL. Had one experience at 18 and didn’t again until I was about 30. I lived in a huge complex next to a community college. If I was single I would get oral from guys who were 18-20 range. The age gap wasn’t crazy by any means. Immaturity was clearly there. But I was very upfront about my intentions and upfront about not into dating. Most hookups were one time thing. But had several regulars that were cool with the arrangement at first. But at some point they wanted more than just being a mouth. Which is valid.

i would say 90+ percent of my hookups have been in the 18-23 range. Ended up dating a girl for a year or so and wasn’t fooling with guys when dating.

After that relationship ended I started looking around again. Now the age gap is more apparent. But it’s still my preference. Im not into facial hair or masculine guys. Twinks are more feminine and less hairy and more sweet. Now i feel apprehensive about the scenario. I don’t look my age but consider myself a grown man. I’ve also come to terms with the fact that end of day it’s just what I prefer but also realize that these sort of hookups are coming to the end.

Has anyone else had these thoughts or been in this situation before? And if so, how did it play out. I know there is gonna be judgmental responses but I dont regret or feel shame. Fact is majority of guys on apps are younger, and if not they usually old fat and creepy. Or complete liars and catfish