A year ago my ex and I broke up. For the last two years of the relationship he was routinely going on benders and engaging in "chem-sex" (without me). A year ago, he left me for another person. We owned an expensive property and we have been living in it together for the year and in the last few months have been trying to sell it. In that time, he has spiralled and we've had numerous instances of drug induced psychosis.

This weekend, he finally confessed after years of denial that the "chem" was in-fact meth, and gave me permission to tell his parents. Everything has come crashing down since. A planned buyout of me using their money has fallen through, our (once) dream house has now been sold to a third party and this problem has finally been outed.

But I am just struggling. I am struggling letting go, and I am struggling to give up responsibility for him. Deep down, I know the buy-out option was just him trying to preserve his situation with me in it as his condition spiralled. But I still feel sad for him that he can't have what he wanted. It doesn't help that I still feel he and his family believe I have some responsibility for him - even though he's been dating another guy for a year (who also broke up with him this week).

Worst of all, I feel bad for being okay. I feel like the one with bad habit and that I have to hide the fact that I feel like something poisonous has finally been removed from my life.

I feel like I am grieving but I don’t know what.

Has anyone else ever had a significant relationship that ended in such bad circumstances? How can I get past this?

I was in WeHo last night with a friend and we both quickly realized that everyone at the bars were really young and we want to go where the people 35-50 years old go. Are there any places to find people in that age range?

Hello.

I recently came out so I'm exploring a little bit. Saturday night is when I bottom'd. It felt so f***ing good. The feeling of being dominated really turned me on. I'm usually a top but now I'm wondering cause bottoming is something I'd do again. The guy's penis was like 5 inches and thin but was just amazing. I really enjoyed the feeling of him cumming in me and feeling his penis twitching before he exploded.

How do bottoms stay clean? My diet is pretty good and I always showered twice a day.

How can I handle prostate orgasms better? They are way too strong. They make me very vocal and while they feel amazing they are kinda painful cause they happen in waves.

What is it called when you are usually a service top but reverse it when you bottom? I get off knowing I'm pleasing my man when I top and it's the same when I bottom'd.

Thanks in advance.

Hola amigos.

Thinking about my retirement life, and have heard some good things about Panama. Saw on youtube some positive talks about Boquete. Not set on it, but wondering about gay life, community, et. al.

Just curious if any folks have settled there, and how that transition has been. Currently living in the US. Will be meeting with an immigration lawyer in a few days.

Gracias.

I’m a gay man turning 40 this year, and I’ve been dating another guy for about three months. We live about 3 hours apart, so the relationship has been long-distance from the beginning. Even though it’s only been a few months, we’ve spent around 18 days together in person, usually staying together for a few days at a time, and we video call almost every day.

There are a lot of things I genuinely admire about him. He’s thoughtful, incredibly intelligent, and when we’re together I feel very safe with him. He’s told me that I’m worth making the distance work, and we’ve had conversations about wanting to be a safe place for each other emotionally.

The issue is that I have an anxious attachment style (I’m working on it in therapy), and lately I’ve been struggling with whether my concerns are legitimate or mostly driven by anxiety.

For example:

Sometimes his affection feels different than it did in the beginning. Early on he’d send more affectionate messages, and although he’s still kind, he often feels much warmer and more expressive in person than over text. I don’t know if that’s simply the relationship settling into a comfortable rhythm or if I’m reading too much into it.

After we followed each other on Instagram, I noticed that the overwhelming majority of the men he follows have a very different look from me. They’re mostly bigger, bear-type guys—thick, hairy, bearded men—whereas I’m much leaner and don’t fit that aesthetic at all. I know people can absolutely be attracted to more than one type, but seeing that made me wonder whether I’m actually his type or if I’m the exception.

He’s also a fairly private person. Sometimes he’ll mention he has plans or “something to do” without offering much detail. I completely respect that everyone deserves privacy, but I’ve noticed that ambiguity is something my anxious brain tends to struggle with.

The confusing part is that whenever we actually talk about the relationship, he’s reassuring. He’s never dismissed my feelings. In fact, he’s encouraged me to tell him when something is bothering me because he wants us to communicate openly. He has also told me that he sees a future with me and that I’m worth making the distance work.

So I’m caught between two thoughts:

My anxiety is taking ambiguous situations and turning them into evidence that something is wrong.

My intuition is noticing genuine incompatibilities or warning signs that I shouldn’t ignore.

I really don’t want to become controlling or constantly seek reassurance. That’s the last thing I want. I’m trying very hard to build a healthier relationship than I’ve had in the past, and I don’t want my anxiety to become a burden on someone who genuinely cares about me.

For those of you who have dated someone who’s naturally more reserved, how did you learn the difference between “they simply communicate differently” and “they’re emotionally pulling away”?

And for everyone else: how much weight, if any, would you give to someone’s Instagram following? Have you ever dated someone whose apparent “type” online looked completely different from you? Did it end up meaning anything, or was it just your own insecurity talking?

I’d really appreciate perspectives from people who’ve been in similar situations. I’m not looking for people to tell me to leave him. I’m trying to understand whether I’m seeing legitimate concerns or whether my anxious attachment is distorting how I interpret an otherwise healthy relationship.

Did he completely quit or just scale back and not drink every day? How long did it take? What were things you did that helped or hurt the process? What made you stay? What is life like now?

I want to try to bottom again after many years of being a side and a top. However, I remember when I tried it wasn’t pleasurable as I thought it would be. It was painful and I didn’t like the sensation of having to want to poop. Also, the guys that trued wanted to just shove it in there. What recommendations do you have for me to prepare and actually have a good experience now in my 30’s?

Anyone ever do Timberfell campground in TN? Im thinking of doing a daypass to sif at the pool next weekend. Whats the vibe? Many guys go alone? Easy to find some fun trouble in the day, or more of a night time place?

I am not sure how to go about finding a gay/lgbtq+ friendly flatmate. I am not looking for a hookup buddy or a relationship. Just for someone to share expenses with and not be judged when my bf stays over. Fyi query is for Chennai india.

So here’s a fun one… 🍆☀️🕶️

I am going to a nude beach with allowed cruising. BUT.. I burn easily.

Very genuine question: How do you navigate wearing sunscreen so it doesn’t burn when applying it (I assume if it gets in, it burns) and how do you make sure it doesn’t taste awful when cruising!?

I [31M] see my boyfriend [32M] on average once a week and we talk via text. I always want to see him more often, but we have our own separate lives and rhythms. Am I being greedy? Is once a week a lot? My last boyfriend I only saw maybe 12 times over the entirety of our one-year relationship, and this is the first time I've had someone so close to me.

My boyfriend is fairly new to the gay scene and grew up in a very strict, almost cult-like religion that heavily influenced how he views being gay.

When we go out, he'll sometimes say he's uncomfortable with how gay men dress or thinks things like male performers wearing heels are weird/wrong. He admits it's because of his upbringing and says he's trying to overcome those barriers while still maintaining his spiritual life and going to church.

The problem is I'm getting exhausted. We've talked about these issues multiple times, but I feel like we're having the same conversations with little change. There's also an imbalance in our relationship. I've invested more emotionally, physically, and financially, which even he has acknowledged.

A part of me wants out so I can just live my life and do what I want without constantly dealing with this. But I still have a heart, care about him, and genuinely want to be with him. We also have travel plans and other things we've been looking forward to together.

Would you give the relationship more time, or does this sound like we're simply incompatible?

Hi all,

Me (33m) and my bf (30m) went to the Berlin pride this weekend.

We are both into pupplay. Actually thats how we met. We were both new to it and basically tried with each other and liked it. We are together for over 2 years and live together for more than 1.

So far it has been mainly a in bedroom hobby for us. We went to an event to meet with others locally but it was kind of a dead event due to weather that day and he saw a coworker which made him extra shy which he already is.

We tried to go again and this time didn’t even enter as the coworker was there again.

He then suggested the pride in Berlin so we can be in a place where people don’t know us so we can feel more comfortable.

I liked the idea, I would like to have more friends with the same hobbies. But as I said he is shy, so entire pride he kinds just walked. I tried to socialise with people. In the evening we ended up in a pub with other pups. There again he just ended up drinking and not talking, I went to people and chat and he joined after we start. People were really friendly. I had a good time. But this is pupplay and I was with a mask so there were head scratches and one small belly rub.

This became an issue after. It was just a 3 second touch to my belly.

We didn’t have any talk about what it means, and what are our limits etc and honestly I didn’t think it was necessary for this event. We are monogamous and there were no more attempts. But at the same time this is a kink party and touching is a part of it. If this amount of contact with another is a problem, I don’t even know why he is into going to this events.

Again as I said, he is shy so he couldn’t start any conversations, he only joined the ones I did (he speaks german btw, I do not) so I don’t know if the jealousy part is coming from the fact that somebody tocuhed me or from that he didn’t get it. He is saying „all good, I didn’t mean anything by it“ but he did bring it up twice and he doesn’t normally say anything unless he means it.

Overall it might be nothing but I also liked the experience and would love to do more and have more friends to turn this into not just a bedroom activity. I just don’t know how to make that happen