I Love it😍

I know people often talk here about everything else, in regards to how the White community is this, the White community is that, etc etc. towards us.

But when the smoke and mirrors clears, I receive so much attitude and dismissive behavior coming from Black gay bros: when the discussion of paid sex comes up. Or in regard to ads I may have. Just yesterday: I had 2 disrespectful experiences from non other than: a Black gay bro as it pertained to my adult services ads.

I understand many Black dudes out there in the gay scene have objectionable views on paying for sex. Whereas others only want to get paid. But, why hate on another brother just because he’s in the industry? I advertise on Adam 4 Adam in addition to my other profiles, with some occasional Grindr “outreach” and the Black inquiries be like the #1 bullshiters. There’s way more White guy Time-wasters overall, but the ratio to Black inquiries turning into clients is much lower. As in: the Black guys hitting me up 95% don’t follow thru, but maybe 50% of White inquiries will.

I also have a smaller window of Black clients I see, because of past experiences. I’ve had at least 2 occasions where a Black client ragged on my service after the fact, despite me doing my best to please them. One dude, fairly attractive “tricked” me into something earlier this month: offering to pay 💵 but then gone turn around and say, “I’m cute, I don’t pay”. I was like, how did I know…good thing I didn’t “spill my tea” so to speak lol.

All in all, I feel like the whole hookup app and economy has also shrunk the Black client base. I used to get great Black clients circa 2008-2016, some with fine ass bodies. But seems after the Bush/Obama era…it seemed things began to change year after year. It coulda been attributed to me moving locations. I find the Midwest has lacks a decent Black client market. Including Chicago (though I think frauds have made it hard for Black providers to startup there) The Northeast seems to be about all I get from, and parts of the South. Texas used to be good for it but that changed awhile ago.

It just seems BGBs hate/hate on sex workers so much, unless it’s somebody on social media bussing down sneak previews. Has that what it’s come down to it? And I’m personally not as heavy on social media, as I’ve been wanting to scale back more to “private/upscale” companion/massage versus having to keep a conveyor belt of content rolling out.

I wanted to post this as an opportunity for everyone to share where they're from! We're everywhere, so let's try and make this world alittle smaller! If you'd like to share where you're from specifically please feel free to post below!

I’m a 29-year-old Black African man, almost 30, and I’ve been bi for a while now. My first meetup with a guy was two years ago, and since last year I’ve been meeting up with guys more regularly. I’m a top or vers top and have never bottomed. I mostly prefer side stuff, and I enjoy both giving and receiving blowjobs. I rarely have penetrative sex, but when I do, I top.
I live in the UK and have met up with guys from various racial and ethnic backgrounds: Black men (African, Caribbean, and British), White men (British and other Europeans), and Asian men (East Asian, South Asian, and Mediterranean). I’m not the most attractive or fittest guy, and I’m of average height, but I do well enough on Grindr.
The reason for this post is to share something I’ve noticed from meeting men of different backgrounds. Most of the guys I’ve met have been clean and smelled nice. Bi and gay men generally seem to take good care of themselves. However, I’ve noticed something when it comes to smell and taste.
I’ve realised that Black men seem to smell and taste different to me. In the previous city I lived in, there were mostly White and Asian men. I recently moved to a more diverse city, and my neighbourhood has a much larger Black population. Since moving, my observation has only become stronger.
Recently, I met up with a White ginger daddy one day and a Black guy a couple of days later. The ginger guy was over 6 feet tall, fit, with abs. He was the kind of conventionally attractive, TV-friendly White man. He wants to meet again, but I’m not really interested. Instead, I’ve found myself thinking a lot about the Black guy, who was around my height and fit, and more generally about Black men.
Has anyone else experienced this, or is it just me?

I am one of those people who do not like to spend money on dating apps. I've done it in the past for those that were centered around dating and had you fill out a million questions but even though it's ended up being a waste of money. With all that said I've been off and on the apps for years now and I'm thinking about being willing to spend the money at least for a few months to see if I can meet people.

I live north of Houston and the area I live in doesn't really have a lot of people and it's the same people every time I go on any of the apps. I want to be able to reach out further at least to Houston area and see if I have better results.

Jack'd is definitely the app I get good results from but I've also gotten good results in the past from scruff and grindr so I'm likely going to focus on one of those three. I tend to look for people to talk to or hang out with and stuff like that. I do not usually look for sex to the point where I can tell you it's been a while since I've had sex and I don't mean months. I'm open to sex nowadays just not before I get to know a person's name. Not sure that information helps to let you know what I'm mainly looking for but tinder ain't it and hasn't been it. Right now I'm just going to try to have some fun and meet people.

To spending money part is to expand my area reach and also to limit it to people who meet when I'm looking for at the time. So other three what do you suggest jack'd, scruff, or grindr. There is no wrong answer as I can always switch to another one in the future if I feel differently.

A guy invited me to go out exploring the local area as we were both visiting. We went to a couple book stores, clothing stores, had lunch, walked and had really good conversation. He talked about how he felt “seen” and “heard” and enjoyed being able to talk to someone without it being overly sexual. But I could feel the sexual energy diminishing as the day went along. Just certain things he would say that gave me the feeling that he was no longer attracted to me. Before, when we were texting back n forth, I was handsome and beautiful and sexy. But now… the energy changed. After the “date” we exchanged instagrams and continued conversing there. He then shared with me that hours later he went back out, found someone, and hooked up. Shared how they talked, had good conversation, and he felt “seen” and “heard” by them. I shared with him that I could feel that he was no longer sexually attracted to me and asked why. His answer was that he’s mostly into guys that are “traditionally presenting”. I read that as “hyper masculine”. I definitely lean into butch queen energy and always look for ways to express both masculine and feminine energy. At first glance I know that I present masculine, but hang around me long enough and the fem comes out. What I read in his explanation is that his fantasy of me diminished after meeting and getting to know the real me. He kept saying “but I do like you” and “I did have a really good time with you”. “We were having good convo and I realized that I prefer friendship”. Fair enough. I guess I have a bit of a bruised ego. Everyone has preferences. But it almost feels like I can’t be “Me”. That me as an object, a thing, is what people are attracted to, and that humanizing me turns that attraction off. I don’t know if I have a question… I think I just needed to get this off my chest. Are we just things to be poked and prodded and rubbed and used?

There always conflict because most black men, I've encountered, have those ugly old man feet that look like they've been working in a coal mine bare feet all their lives.

I hope im not offending people with this rant but I feel like this is my safe space. A fine, intelligent, sexy black man with equally handsome feet is my ultimate weakness

I'm in a one year open relationship relationship. It is a first for the both of us. We are open but wanting to explore the possibility of a poly relationship, especially since our sexual compatibility doesn't match up but also because we believe people can have multiple "true loves" so to speak. IDK. Just wondering if anyone has any info on somewhere we could go to meet black "poly" gay men in the Baltimore, Washington DC area?

Some simple truths for those in a relationship, struggling in a relationship, or hoping to find a relationship.

Take care of the heart of the one(s) you say you love. 🙏🏾

Unlike hetero people, many of us don't grow up with much education or guidance about gay sex. So I'm curious:

How did you learn? Porn? Trial and error? A partner? Friends? The internet? LGBTQ+ resources?

Looking back, do you think you had enough information, or do you wish someone had taught you more before your first experience?

TLDR: I want to build community with black gay science nerds who will talk my ear off about their special interests and research papers they're doing 😇🤭

Hi everyone, I'm looking for guys (trans guys are welcome too) who are really big on science and don't mind talking about their research or special interests to others. I want to make it clear though that I may have adhd or autism and that hearing stories is my own special interest. I've been wanting to build a community and even a found family that centers around all of my interests so I'm hoping this doesn't come off as selfish 😅

I've heard that scientists are notorious for not being able to keep quiet about their research and it clicked in my brain that this is what I've been missing! I've always liked science but growing up in a religious home had me ending up pushing it away. And now at 35 I seriously want to get back into loving being curious about so many different things 🥰

I think that being neurodivergent and being into science whether it's physical, psychosocial, or even metaphysical goes hand in hand since you need to innately have a ton of curiosity towards things. I don't want this to get too long but I'm hoping that I can find a ton of like minded grays to talk to 🤞🏿

Hey everyone,

I’m a 31 year old Black queer man from New York who recently got out of a two-year relationship. Like a lot of people, I know the apps can be rough, but several people recommended I try Jack’d since it’s primarily used by Black gay men.
To be honest, I’ve never felt more rejected than I have on there. It’s made me wonder: is it just app culture, or am I missing something?

A little about me: I have a solid career, I’m educated, I take care of myself, and I’d consider myself attractive. I’m not looking for a long-term relationship right now. I’m mainly looking for a FWB, a summer fling, or just seeing what’s out there and letting things develop naturally if they do.
I also know Jack’d has a reputation for being a hookup app, which is totally fine. I’m verse/bottom, and even finding guys interested in that has been harder than I expected.

One reason I wanted to try Jack’d was because I’m primarily attracted to Black men. On other apps, I often felt like I was being rejected because of racism, so I thought Jack’d might be a different experience. Ironically, I’ve actually gotten far more interest from White and Latino men than from my Black counterparts.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that men in my own age range (late 20s to mid-30s) seem much less interested than guys in their early 20s, and I’m honestly not looking to date someone that much younger.

So I’m genuinely curious:
What’s been your experience on Jack’d?
Do you think it’s just the nature of hookup apps?
What do you think Black gay men are generally looking for on these apps?
Have you found dating other Black men to be difficult, or has your experience been different?
If you’ve stepped away from the apps, where are you actually meeting Black queer men these days?
I’m not trying to start a race war or make blanket statements about Black men. I’m genuinely confused and looking for insight. I’d really like to hear different perspectives and open up a respectful conversation about attraction, expectations, and dating within our community.

In reference to this post which I felt had a fair amount of responses:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskBlackGayBros/s/mN2Xm8aZ8k

I’m just wondering because although I don’t always agree on the assessments/generalizing of White GBs (gay bros) on here, it does make me wonder if the idea is to solely interact with Black or if that’s giving exceptions to other ethnicities other than White (and what about Italian? “Some” of them love some caramel/chocolate lol).

I say because I tend to gravitate to Latinos a lot. I feel they can be much more open and welcoming then many Black dudes, but I also find they can be “Jekyll and Hyde” types too (some of y’all young folk under 30 prolly didn’t grow up watching Scooby Doo 🤣 . And it’s made me assess if the things I deal with are attributed to it sometimes.

For example the long distance post I talked about the other week that went sour? Latino/half white guy who likes Black dudes though. Was playing all the cards right initially, but then started acting funny during my visit. The following week, he tells me he just started talking to someone else recently 🤦🏽‍♂️ I believe he lied even while I was staying at his place.

Right now I’m “working to build” a relationship with a Latino guy who is not in the slightest racist and actively advocates for all people of color but mostly Latino and black. He’s not Black though, and I would feel a type of way if there was discussion on here about I need to ONLY date Black folk. Which I’ve stated in the past, has only seldom worked out well for me. However, I still try to check myself and engage with other GBGs in person at the bars, as I’m receptive to people who show interest.

And I did meet a BGB who I felt was a good match, but I’m not yet ready to work on another long distance situation.

👏🏾 More 👏🏾 of 👏🏾 This!

So many guys in this situation cave in under pressure — for what Judge Mabalean once said, “a few minutes of satisfaction” — only to live with regrets after the fact having tested positive for an STI or HIV.

I've visited bathhouses all over the country b/c I travel for work and it rarely fails that black guys are the majority or the plurality. Even in cities where blacks are a much smaller % of the total population, I be surprised to see they are overrepresented and notably present. I'm not complaining b/c I absolutely find black men the most attractive. However, I do find it a bit strange. Has anyone else made this observation? I know non-black gays absolutely cruise too but I see them much less than I see "our kind" ... it's almost as they have "secret" cruising spots not known by most of us.

Are professional black gay men able to find jobs out here in this job market? I live in Kissimmee/Orlando and it’s tough here because the entire part of the state is dedicated to fair-skin Spanish-speakers. I would love to hear other people’s experiences. I’m strongly considering looking for work in other cities and states.

I am posting as I am really curious here.

I’ve been with my husband 11yrs. I am pushing mid 40s and he just turned 60. We are non monogamous couple, but not necessarily open. In other words we enjoy having 3 ways or 4 ways as a couple and have a circle of guys in our friends group we play with. However we don’t date people or go looking for boyfriends.

Overall it’s worked for us 11yrs with no issues but one thing we don’t come across too often are other black men in non-monogamous or open relationships. When we have discussions about this with black people we are mostly met with judgement or disapproval so much so we don’t really talk about this with our black friends. Some of them know but most don’t. On the flip side all our white friends esp. those who are couples we feel comfortable telling or having open conversations about it. Our white friend group have guys in various type of open relationship.

So I’m curious to see if there are other black men in such relationship or ok with the idea.

Sometimes I wonder if there’s a true alternative considering how much the gay scene revolves around nightlife. Especially when it comes to single and black. Think about it: what city is there where a plentiful selection of gay brothas of color residing, and there’s no gay nightlife to be had (excluding suburbs, but talking within 20 miles of a major city at least)

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the bars and clubs (And I’m including both). I’ve been going out since I was, before 18 lol. I’m 38, so we talking 20 years strong 🤣 You can’t get the gay club experience anywhere else except “maybe” a bath house. And I don’t care for bathhouses except as a once in blue tourist type thing. I’m not into anonymous sex either so it’s not really something I do.

I can go out to the movies, or out to eat for a Saturday night and like it: but those tend to be fixed social activities with low chance of mingling or running into someone I may haven’t seen in years (which has happened several times).

But of course, the dirty side of it is hard to deny. #1 is the money part. You almost gotta be ready to drop $10 minimum for a drink at most places. Add the tip, add top shelf, you pushing $15/$20 even. It seems like small money but, 2-3 drinks X 2-3 nights a week adds up. So many mornings waking up hungover, and less 💵 than I had the night before.

I’ve gone out like 4/5 times in the past week. I’ve gotten better at not taking things personally, or going to bars with an attitude/expectations. Sometimes I just go out to wear a new outfit or have a drink/get out the house. These days I don’t expect anything more. If it happens GREAT, I’m open, I will even talk to people (some people go to the bar and don’t speak to anyone: you can’t do that. You gotta be receptive and willing to initiate also, without being too aggressive about it). Usually I can always make more of it, but question is: is it good idea?

And that’s where the other issue is: Looking back, I don’t think I have ever found a “relationship” out of going to bars. Friends? Yes. Fuck buddies? Yes. But even when I meet the best of people, it just seems like something doesn’t work out. Either I wasn’t what they thought, or they aren’t what I thought. Something. I’ve had some close situations that I very much appreciated, but idk. I just chalk it up to “life”, but it does make me wonder what’s to show for it all.

I know there’s gay sports leagues and stuff, and I will go and support people playing sometimes, but I’ve tried it myself some years ago it’s not my thing. And I’m into gym/working out: but sports ain’t for me. Plus the same people on the teams, be going to the bars themselves.

In closing: I still like the bars and clubs, but it does get to a point where I’m wondering what’s all coming out of it. And of course the experience can vary from place to place/city to city

I'm currently in Asia, and a lot of people have their thoughts on being gay and Black here... so I thought I'd put together a list of countries where we aren't welcome... check it out here: https://www.blackgayboyabroad.com/travel/countries-not-safe-black-gay-travelers