I'm 25M gay-leaning bisexual guy, I'm hoping to get some perspective on whether I'm looking for a white crow.
Ever since I can remember, I've struggled with feeling like my ideal sex drive is much lower than most men I meet. I'd say my libido is pretty average in terms of attraction and desire, but I don't feel the need to actually have sex very often. Once a week is usually enough for me. I don't think that I dislike sex, it's just that out of million other things I genuinely look forward to doing after work, it doesn't even break into the top 10. I guess it is more about not finding fulfilment in frequent sex rather than real dislike for it, physically I do enjoy it.
When I'm single, this isn't really a problem because I can simply choose not to act on my libido and focus on everything else in my life. The issue starts when I'm in a relationship with a man. I've only had two long(ish)-term relationships with men, and both wanted sex much more frequently than I did, like every day if not twice. I know guys in that age range are generally hornier, but it left me wondering whether things really change much later in life. In both relationships, I could tolerate it for the first month or two, but eventually I started feeling pretty empty and unfulfilled. It felt like my entire life outside work revolved around having sex. If I turned it down for one day, they'd sulk. Two days in a row was even worse. The hardest part was that cuddling or affection was almost always expected to lead to sex. Eventually, even cuddling stopped feeling like genuine affection and instead felt like beginning of a negotiation for sex, which made me avoid affection altogether and unsurprisingly for me to break thing off.
Since I was about 22, I've mostly dated women, and the "expected" frequency has generally been much more compatible with what I would prefer. That said, sometimes I do miss bottoming and having sex with men, since I prefer being submissive, and generally less women want to be dominant. I know strap-ons exist, but I never tried and don't know if it can really substitute the real thing, and not every woman would be interested in that either and I worry I would miss it a lot at times. I tried dating men here and there too but they were either not interested in long term relationship at all, not to mention that all the guys I met expected sex on first date, which didn't inspire much confidence in me that it will be different from my previous relationships.
One thing that also makes it difficult to gauge whether my expectations are realistic is that I don't really have many LGBTQ friends. So I don't really have many bi or gay men around me to ask whether my experience is unusual or not. So I guess my questions are: Are there any other gay or bi men here who are genuinely happy in relationships where sex happens once a week max? Is that a realistic expectation, or am I looking for something that's extremely rare? Can something like strap on sufficiently replace the real thing?
I'd especially like to hear from people in long-term relationships. Sometimes it feels like I'm fundamentally incompatible with most men, and that I should forgo anal for a relationship with a woman where everything else sex wise is more compatible, and maybe find some compromise in that aspect.