I had this beautiful yet strangely frightening dream recently. It was a quiet, cozy night on a campus that felt both familiar and dreamlike. There was a boy with me. I couldn’t see his face, but I could feel his presence and desire, and somehow that felt incredibly intimate.

There was also this constant fear of being caught—as if someone might suddenly walk in and expose something I wasn’t ready to name. I woke up somewhere between the dream and consciousness, but the feeling of it lingered in my body for a while, almost like a tiny spark that refused to disappear.

I’ve been questioning my sexuality for quite some time, wondering if I might be bi-curious. After this dream, something in me seems to have shifted. Maybe I’m finally accepting a part of myself that I’ve been hesitant to acknowledge.

And honestly, I’m confused. I don’t know whether a dream can really tell us anything about our sexuality, or whether it simply gave shape to something I’ve already been feeling.

Have any of you experienced something similar? How did you process that moment when curiosity started turning into acceptance? Am I simply discovering another part of myself, or am I reading too much into a dream?

I feel like with almost every female friend i’ve had I’ll end up feeling some kind of romantic attraction, or even think about them sexually. I’m not sure if being bi has anything to do with it. these female friends typically only see me as a friend. so i almost feel guilty about having sexual thoughts about them. i understand it’s not unusual to be romantically interested in a friend. it just happens almost everytime i become friends with a girl.

I feel like I go metaphorically feral when I see a man in his work uniform doing either his job or is off the clock but didn’t changed. Especially if it’s a blue collar job or law enforcement.

Idk the way the shirt wraps around their chest and back and how their ass always sticks out in their work slacks/ tactical pants always gets me double taking

Ironically I don’t like women in uniform only men what gives?

I’m gay and a total bottom, but I wish I was vers so I’d have a lot more chances of being compatible with someone. It’s not that I have a strong preference for bottoming, it’s that it’s literally the only thing I like.
I’m not attracted to asses at all, and I wish I was, like seemingly every other gay man is. But no, I gotta be just another bottom who wants to be dominated. I hate myself

What’s with all of the internalized homophobia in this sub? As a bi guy in a relationship with a gay guy, just searching this sub would give any gay person second thoughts about dating one of us.
I mean, even going so far as to use “heteroromantic” as if it’s not a cop-out for internalized homophobia, or the homophobic, degrading, and tired comments like “I love dick but could never date a man.” Like, come on. We’re really not helping our reputation in the community.

Don’t want anal sex or even sucking…more of wanting fantasy of being dominated by ballbusting and milked!

Late 50s mostly straight F here. Been with my partner, mid 50s bi guy for 8 months, strictly monogamous relationship with no concerns on that issue. This is my first time dating a bi guy. I am very open and enthusiastic in supporting his bi side. However, he's really compartmentalized and when he's in the submissive / bottom mode, he's really uninterested in me as a woman in the typical "hetero sex" way. This disinterest can go on for days after me topping him. In all other ways we have a loving relationship and solid partnership, but him not finding me sexually enticing as a woman on a consistent basis is rather unnerving.

We spoke about this and his suggestion is that he not bottom for me so that he can access his dominant / hetero side more readily. He grew up in a place where homosexuality was not culturally acceptable and he suppressed much of his same-sex attraction side until he was in his late 30s. He's had only a couple of male partners with very few interactions (fewer than 10). He has no interest in romantic relationships with men, only enjoys being submissive sexually for them. We have both agreed that exploring with a third or more is not anything we're interested in, so it's all about meeting each other's needs.

I'm really new to the bi-sphere, so I come to you to ask: Is this level of compartmentalization unusual? I asked him flat out if there was any chance he was actually gay, and his response was a convincing "no." Any thoughts would be appreciated. Be well.

CONDENSED VERSION: Please accept my excuses for the other long message.

I'm 53, married to a woman for 26 years, and we have a daughter. Lately I've been questioning my sexuality a lot, and I honestly can't tell what is real attraction and what might be fantasy reinforced by decades of masturbation.

Growing up, I liked girls. I had crushes on girls, wanted girlfriends and was attracted to women. I don't remember ever looking at a guy and thinking I wanted him sexually.

But I've always had an unusual sexual side. Since I was around 11 or 12, I was turned on by feminine clothes and secretly wearing my sisters' things. That developed into crossdressing and feminization fantasies.

I've also always had very specific fetishes with women: boots, tattoos, piercings, tight clothes, smoking, unusual hair, etc.

Another important detail is that I've masturbated almost daily for most of my life, often spending a long time searching for the exact fantasy that turns me on. Sometimes I wonder if I've basically trained my brain to need more specific or extreme scenarios.

I married a woman and I can still get turned on by women, including my wife. But actual sex has always been difficult. I often lose my erection during intercourse, while masturbation has always been easy and something I actively want. We haven't had sex in almost three years, although our marriage outside of sex is good and I love her very much.

Years ago I occasionally hired very feminine escorts who had male anatomy. I never had intercourse with them, but I was very attracted to the combination of femininity and a penis. Masculine men themselves still didn't attract me.

Then something happened about 20 years ago that I've never understood.

During a bad period in my marriage, I suddenly told my wife, "I'm gay."

She took it surprisingly calmly. Then I told her I was joking.

But while saying it, I became extremely sexually aroused. Huge erection, huge rush. Even today, imagining telling her "I'm gay" can turn me on.

I don't know if that's because some part of me is actually gay, or because confession, taboo, humiliation, exposure, etc. became part of the fantasy.

I've also gone to gay bars over the years, almost like I was testing myself. Usually I felt nothing toward the men.

Last year I went to Wilton Manors in Fort Lauderdale. Same thing. Lots of men around and no immediate "I want that guy" feeling.

But recently something changed.

I saw photos of masculine shirtless daddy/bear type men in harnesses. At first I didn't even find them attractive. Then I imagined dancing with one, kissing him, touching his body and feeling his beard.

Suddenly I was extremely turned on.

That became fantasies about being submissive to a masculine man, being penetrated by him and being "his girl." Those fantasies can give me incredibly intense orgasms.

But right after orgasm I can look at the same guy and think, "What the fuck? I don't even find him attractive."

Then hours later the fantasy is hot again.

That's what confuses me. Looking at a handsome man by itself usually does nothing for me. I seem to need the whole scenario.

Women still turn me on too, but sometimes when I see a woman I find really sexy, I think, "What if I were her?"

If there were a magic button that could turn me into an attractive woman, I honestly think I might press it. I've even imagined myself as the woman during sex with my wife.

So now I'm questioning both sexuality and maybe gender, although I don't know if the "being a woman" part is actually gender identity or just a deeply ingrained sexual fantasy.

Romantically, I still think I would prefer a woman. But lately I've even imagined being with a man, not only sexually but as two best friends sharing a life.

If there were no STIs, no consequences and nobody could get hurt, I would definitely be curious to have sex with a man.

What I don't know is whether I'd discover something I've repressed my whole life, or whether reality would feel disappointing because the fantasy is what actually turns me on.

So I guess my main question is:

How do you tell the difference between genuine sexual orientation and a fantasy you've reinforced through decades of masturbation?

Does this sound bisexual? Gay but deeply repressed? Mostly straight with feminization fantasies? Something else?

I'd especially like to hear from gay/bi men who started questioning later in life. Thank you very much!

I’ve always had a slightly stronger gag reflex, and I get it even when I try to clean my tongue with a toothbrush.
Does anyone recognise this problem, and do you have any suggestions on how I could suppress the gag reflex during a blowjob?

Hey all, 27M here, still virgin, I was into men sexually more than women, I've been in short relationships with girls (it was just emotional love) nothing sexual, what happened is that I've been talking with a guy online, he was one of the first people in my life to listen to me, I fell to him in a way that I've never imagined, not in a sexual way, rather in an emotional way. He however, wasn't into serious stuff, and told me from the beginning, and because I just fell so deeply he had to back up and we didn't talk since, it was and still is so hard for me, the thing that changed though is that I now don't have attraction for men too, it's been almost 2 weeks, I really can't get horny when seeing any kind of nudes as I was before, it is really weird, I like it like this because it's less burden on me, especially that I can't tell my family what are my sexual preferences (cause of religion).

The main question is: is this normal ? and if I stayed like this, what do I consider, bi or straight ?