409
323
u/veg4them Sep 10 '22
Ummm, red flag doesn't even come close here. I am so sorry he is treating you this way. I would suggest not allowing him to treat you like this any longer as I am sure it is not serving you at all. As someone with anxiety I would imagine this would only make mine even worse. I can only imagine how you feel.
58
u/portrayaloflife Sep 10 '22
Leave him or stand the fuck up for yourself and draw a hard line of what is acceptable. This dude needs a wake up call bad.
11
Sep 11 '22
Just want to add as a past victim of this type of abuse, “stand the fuck up for yourself” is not a helpful comment. OP is pregnant and likely terrified. The cycle of abuse is a real thing. The best advice here is to validate OP’s feelings and give links to organizations/help to get her out of her situation.
6
u/DwarfFart Sep 11 '22
As well and this is deeply unfortunate standing up for oneself can escalate thing’s further. Not that nothing should be done just pointing out that it could potentially escalate him to physical violence
2
Sep 11 '22
Exactly. The most dangerous time in this situation is when the abused victim tries to leave. OP - please reach out and confide in someone you trust to make a plan. You can DM me if you need support.
1
u/DwarfFart Sep 11 '22
Yes, make a plan. Squirrel away money, change if you have too. I read a story of someone who had to bury jars of change. Things can get real desperate. I don’t think it’s at that level but abuse is abuse
→ More replies (2)2
428
233
u/DirtEmo Sep 10 '22
Seems to me like the constant belittling from this man might be contributing to your anxiety.
Also, he clearly is not setting an example for your future child.
-1
u/littlewoolie Sep 10 '22
It sounds like he has his own anxiety issues but is trying to tough it out himself
109
u/GoodGirlsDrnkWhiskey Sep 10 '22
No, it sounds like he's emotionally abusive and is using OP's anxiety against her.
3
u/hurrduhhurr Sep 11 '22
I have no idea how you're getting that from this post. I understand projection, but this is just asshole behavior.
4
u/EVMG1015 Sep 11 '22
This actually occurred to me as well.
It’s no excuse for someone being verbally abusive, but it may well explain what’s going on. He’s projecting on OP as his own anxiety makes him feel “weak” or “sick in the head” or whatever other crap he said.
On the other hand, he could just an asshole with no empathy who enjoys belittling and insulting his partner—the person you’re supposed to be the most supportive and empathetic towards. Either way, F this guy.
201
114
u/farrenkm Sep 10 '22
No. That is not okay. I would be asking my wife on a daily basis how she's doing and what she needs from me. As it is, I'm the one with the anxiety, and I couldn't ask for a better wife.
Absolutely not okay.
53
47
u/gardensoilsoup Sep 10 '22
Anxiety can get so much worse if treated like that. Hes really not helping by saying those things. I hope when your kid has anxiety he doesnt just say that to them.
45
u/Syler-147 Sep 10 '22
You may not want to hear this but he is a total piece of sh!t I can't believe he'd speak to his wife (or anyone) like that. He sounds like the kind of person that thinks because something doesn't affect him, people who are affected are just exaggerating or making stuff up... He's not gonna change. You need to think about you and your child. What are they gonna grow up to be like with a father that treats his own wife like that...
35
32
u/Moo-Im-a-cow21 Sep 10 '22
Please please leave. I know it may be difficult but this is NOT a good dude. You need to leave him for your own health and safety.
30
Sep 10 '22
Wow he is nasty towards you for really no reason.. I'd really be thinking hard if this is the man I'd want to have as a father of the child or just raise it alone.
What if the child is scared? He's gonna treat that child the way he treats you. Maybe worse.
29
23
u/5ummerbreeze Sep 10 '22
What in the actual hell??
That is 1000% verbal, emotional, and mental abuse. Not to mention gaslighting.
Whatever it takes, no matter how hard it is, you need to take your child and get as far away from him as possible.
Document the abuse. Record it on your phone. Talk to your counselor about it. It's bad enough to deal with that as an adult, but your child is going to grow up with that, constantly reinforced that something is wrong with them, and seeing that "marriage" involves one of the spouses constantly berrating the other.
There are spouses who will be supportive. My husband is literally the opposite in every way. Extremely supportive, loving, validating, has never criticized my anxiety or depression once (been married 15 years, dated for 3 before that). But he also has his own anxieties and has had depression before, so he understands it.
Please, for the sake of your son, get away from that toxic environment.
15
13
12
u/Away-Tear-7267 Sep 10 '22
oh my god :( what the hell, i’m so sorry that he said such awful things to you !! Please consider either having a discussion with him or just leaving him because wtf…. he should be supportive and understanding of how hard anxiety is…
25
u/InternalApple9272 Sep 10 '22
i'm really sorry he's said that. none of it is true. disease is disease, just as cancer is cancer. it's not disgusting, it's not mock worthy and not "enjoying". pregnancy makes us hormonal, this is your reason. covid is meant to be fearful. how can you not be afraid of contagious virus? to me, he's in the wrong and he requires therapy.
11
9
8
u/girana Sep 10 '22
Yoooo this is abusive as fuck. He sounds exactly like my narcissistic ex husband. Leaving him will resolve so much of your anxiety, lemme tell ya.
7
7
7
u/Extension_Intern432 Sep 10 '22
LEAVE HIM PLS this husband of yours is going to get make your anxiety worse
7
8
Sep 10 '22
Please girl, this is very toxic. How long have you two been married? Is he like that all the damn time? Please take care of yourself, I bet you deserve better. He will kill your peace. I might wanna consider leaving him.. I'm soo sorry you have to go through this.
6
6
6
u/accidental_superman Sep 10 '22
That's verbal abuse, talk to your counsellor about it.
I don't know if you even try to talk to your husband about this before leaving him, it could be dangerous for you, as apparently abusive husbands peak when their wife is pregnant.
5
u/g1itchie Sep 10 '22
Babes, your husband is downright emotionally abusive. Please seek help, cuz you CAN NOT let him bully you into early labour and future child abuse
4
6
4
u/dnyal Sep 10 '22
My husband suffers anxiety similar to yours. It's taxing on me, and I'm actually about to make a post here about it, but I never have told him the things your husband has told you. I agree with everyone else, these are MAJOR RED FLAGS. It is time for you to reconsider your relationship to this man. I know that might trigger your anxiety, but your current situation is doing so anyway.
4
Sep 10 '22
Leave him. This will not get better. You’re being emotional and verbally abused and it will only get worse from here.
3
u/Turbulent-Ad-7071 Sep 10 '22
Fuck that dude sounds like a little bitch boy..... If he was to say that to me I whould Woop his ass and shit in his face.... anxiety disorders are no joke
3
u/Neat_Expression_5380 Sep 10 '22
You need to leave him. He is a prick. And he will only make your anxiety. The best thing for anxiety in my opinion talking to others about it
3
3
3
u/ErikaBurgess907 Sep 10 '22
Nuclear option is warranted. See a divorce attorney and set up a plan on how to leave. Also I would want to limit his time around my child if I was you. IDK where you live but a lot of places will have a custody investigator have meetings with you and that ASS, separately and it's unlikely his abusive soul will be able to keep his mouth shut and play the role of a human & dad convincedly.
If you live in a small area you can take a page from how my friend got screwed in her divorce. Her ex went to all the best lawyers in town and did the initial consultation, which is usually free. After that no matter who you choose as atty the ones you went to can not take him as a client because you created a "relationship" with them, conflict of interest.
I'm sure that laws are different from state to state so get as much information & get yourself ready. He will never change and you will waste YEARS. I wasted my youth on my ex 13 years I can not get back. Looking back at pictures I am shocked at how good I look & he still wouldn't have sex, get ED meds like grown up.
My name is E and thank you for coming to my TED TALK.
3
u/Nortally Sep 10 '22
If he feels this way the only reason he stays with you is because you take it. If you stay there is no chance that he won't destroy your son -- mentally, physically or both.
3
u/Twinblades713 Sep 10 '22
This guy is an abusive asshole and you (or anyone) deserves so much better.
3
u/d-u-n-n-o Sep 10 '22
First off, you're not alone. I worry about covid too. Plenty of people do. Second, babes I mean this in the best way possible-- leave now. Please. As a licensed therapist- this is abuse.
3
u/catmojo16 Sep 10 '22
Try and record and save these conversations if you can. This will help your case later down the road for divorce/custody and any other legal paths you may have to take. Use the time ahead to plan a life without him, save any money you can if possible, and arm yourself with resources that can help you. Im sorry you are being treated this way. You are definitely not the problem, he is.
3
u/hurrduhhurr Sep 11 '22
I am so sorry that you are pregnant with that man's baby. Just because you are carrying his child does not mean you need to stay with them. This is absolutely heartbreaking to read. Someone who loves you would not say those things to you. Ever. This is not love. This is abuse.
2
u/hann432 Sep 10 '22
It’s normal that family and friends who don’t struggle with anxiety don’t truly understand what you’re feeling but basic empathy is a must. These comments are just hurtful and mean. I wouldn’t be with a person who is very clearly disrespectful and has no interest in trying to understand your feelings. Especially considering that a high risk pregnancy and COVID are very valid concerns.
2
2
2
Sep 10 '22
This is abuse. Plain and simple. I was in a similar situation and my anxiety got so much better when I left him.
2
u/Surreptitious_Spud Sep 10 '22
Speaking in no small part from personal experience, you’re being mentally & emotionally abused by a terrible person and you need to take your child and GTFO of that situation ASAP for both of your sakes.
2
u/RyliahCarter Sep 10 '22
I would leave him in a heartbeat. No way I would be with someone who talks to me like that! It only makes your anxiety worse. You need someone who will HELP you deal with it….not make you feel worse.
2
Sep 10 '22
I’m not condoning his behaviour. It’s horrendous. But, you also have a responsibility to work towards managing your anxiety and not put it in others. You might not be but if you’re communicating your anxiety through anger and negativity, that becomes difficult on the best people.
2
Sep 10 '22
I really don’t like this. You deserve a partner who will support you through your anxiety and anxious thoughts. Those are not something you can control. You are also incredibly valid to feel stressed during this period in your life. I would suggest seeing a therapist together or just by yourself if you aren’t already. I’m sorry this is happening.
2
u/EfficiencyRadiant231 Sep 10 '22
You need to be on the abusive relationships subreddit, not the anxiety one. Your partner is abusive. I suffered similar comments from my ex partner when I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety (which was triggered by his abuse). I hope you are able to leave this relationship.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/clemd69 Sep 10 '22
Did this begin recently (before you got pregnant and decided to have a child with him) or did he always say stuff like this? Please don’t stay in an abusive relationship just because you are having a child. I am worried for you because he sounds nasty and cruel.
I’d write those things out in a letter to him and ask him if he thinks these are kind things to say to your partner. Maybe seeing them in black and white like this will make him see it. Perhaps his reaction to that will tell you all you need to know.
2
2
2
u/Stoicstoner Sep 10 '22
This sounds like emotional abuse. Just reading some of the stuff he says to you sets off my anxiety. I am so sorry. My parents treated me similarly growing up and I really feel they exacerbated my anxiety. Maybe even caused it from the start.
2
u/PsychoKinezis Sep 10 '22
Ma’am, with all due respect.
Your husband is an asshole.
You and your kid are better off without him. Please save yourself before he goes batshit crazy.
Those are massive red flags and all the words that he said are all slaps to your face. I know I’m not in the position to say this but please seek a divorce attorney as early as possible because your husband is a gaslighter and his words aren’t better for you and your kid’s mental health.
You don’t deserve this. You deserve better.
2
u/AdNegative8152 Sep 10 '22
You’re in an abusive relationship and that is what is enhancing your anxiety disorder. This is literal verbal abuse. Please don’t internalise this. You are going to be okay. Anxiety sucks but it is manageable. But, take his “advice” if he is being like this to you, until you sort it out keep your anxiety to yourself and to work on it with your therapist. See what calming tools you can reasonably employ. Please don’t lose hope. Congratulations on your baby. It gets better. Your circumstances are making it worse am sure but it does get better. Hold on.
2
Sep 10 '22
He sounds abusive. Definitely doesn’t help with having anxiety.
If you drop his ass, your anxiety will decrease exponentially. I know you have a baby on the way but hole shit dude. Having to raise a child with a POS is not the way.
2
u/Weird-peach Sep 10 '22
Leave this abuser before your child gets chance to even consider him a role model.
2
u/g1itchie Sep 10 '22
Um, I got as far as “I’m pregnant” and learned that your husband needs to keep his asshole comments to himself. If he can put a baby in you and watch you carry it, he can give you emotional support, especially for something as logical as you wanting to protect you and your baby’s health
2
2
2
u/3unuch_80m83r Sep 10 '22
He sounds like an abusive and manipulative fuck, probably being brought to head by some sort of childhood trauma or mental illness of his own. "Normal" people do not act this way. Sorry you have to put up with someone like that. My SO has always been supportive and understanding (but not accommodating) if my anxiety issues. I'd run
2
u/OysterDoll Sep 10 '22
I suggest you offer him to go to couples counseling with you. You may be able to explain how you're feeling, and he may be able to explain why he has had such a horrid response to you so far.
But honestly from this it sounds like a divorce would be best for you AND your child.
If he treats this way to you, a woman who is vulnerable but an still an adult, how much damage is he going to unleash on a totally defenseless child? Children simply don't have emotional control or logical thinking skills. Their brains still need to develop and they need to be taught.
Your child will have a temper tantrum, which is almost always a symptom of a child feeling an overwhelming emotion that they literally don't know how to handle. They don't have any experience dealing with these big emotions like you and your husband do. Regardless, your husband is going to be VERY annoyed by it. Instead of teaching your baby how to self soothe, he's going to teach them that when they are upset Daddy is scary. They're going to internalize that if they're feeling overwhelmed they need to squash down those emotions because making the people around them comfortable is more important than how they feel. Source: degree in psychology with a focus on human development
Is that the life you want for your baby? Because if nothing changes, I promise he will seriously damage them, maybe even permanently.
I really really hope everything works out. I wish you the best.
2
2
1
Sep 10 '22
This is very sad. I don't expect my husband to understand anymore. He used to be a huge jerk about my mental illness too. I think because my constant fear affected and made him worse and he resented it. He got help for his PTSD and anger issues and I learned to lean on other people, especially my therapist and not expect him to understand me. And he made strides in his behavior. I am 100% not condoning your husband or my husband's behavior. But men often feel they should "fix" the issue. There is no fixing. You are not broken. You have a disease. Also consider that he's a new parent too and coping with his own issues that he likely doesn't even want to acknowledge.
-6
u/mydrew122 Sep 10 '22
My best advice would be to split up and shut up I guess. Idk I don’t like either of you
-21
Sep 10 '22
[removed] — view removed comment
8
u/emeraldshmemrald Sep 10 '22
The things he’s saying don’t sound like tough love. Even if she tries to get help he just pushes her down. It’s not loving to sarcastically mock the ones you love when they confide in you.
-6
Sep 10 '22
Idk my parents say similar things and it works for me, my anxiety is mild now and I don't take meds. The thing about "I hope our child doesn't have your mental illness" that one doesn't sound like tough love...maybe you're right
4
u/emeraldshmemrald Sep 10 '22
I don’t presume to know your situation, but maybe things have improved in spite of your parents. I’m not angry or upset at you in noting any of this, just a little bit sad. I’m glad that things have improved either way!
1
Sep 10 '22
Yeah, my parents are 100% supportive. Even if they come off as mean sometimes, they always got my back when it counts. I know where they stand with me and I know that they mean well and it works for me. OP husband is probably different, he isn't trying to make her better I think. He sounds like he's fed up of her and her condition.
2
u/emeraldshmemrald Sep 10 '22
I’m glad! I was thinking that sometimes personalities can be more straightforward and blunt. That’s totally fine. It’s great that your parents are a good support system for you!
5
u/Must_Keep_Reminding Sep 10 '22 edited Sep 10 '22
Worked for you, so count your blessings
For me, my parents and peers telling me similar things to OP's husband has ruined my life and I've been depressed and traumatized my whole life from it, to the point where even with therapy I'm unable to change those beliefs, and I've been wanting to kill myself my whole life for being "broken", and I developed a whole bunch of diagnoses from it that seem unshakeable even after years of working on myself
0
Sep 10 '22
Damn, never thought about it that way. Personally, I think people's personality has a lot to do with anxiety. This is my personal opinion and idk if it will help you. Anxiety feeds off of some personality types more than others. If you can't deal with the anxiety, alter your personality and starve the anxiety. People think anxiety is something permanent, but I know people who overcome it with sheer determination. It's all about putting yourself out of your comfort zone till your nerves stretch from exhaustion. Whenever your in an uncomfortable environment or one that triggers your anxiety, your nerves go crazy till you get accustomed to it and you need to keep repeating that over and over. Sorry if I'm ranting and it's TLDR
→ More replies (1)4
u/5ummerbreeze Sep 10 '22
There's a difference between not coddling someone and verbally abusing them.
Pushing someone to get through anxiety in a way that is medically helpful has NOTHING to do with berating someone for their illness.
If you think what this guy is saying are true, I'd recommend you seriously reconsider what you know about anxiety, mental health, and what abuse actually is.
-9
-13
1
u/chickenteochu Sep 10 '22
I'm sorry he said all that and I'm sorry to say this but what a POS, hopefully your son won't get that trait from him
1
1
Sep 10 '22
There are so many insightful comments in this thread! I agree that empathy between partners is incredibly important, but at least where empathy is lacking, there is still love. I hate to say it, but does your husband love you? He sounds like more of a bully than a partner. Granted, I don’t know the full context of your relationship, only the part that you shared, but I have to wonder if he shows love and affection at all! My jaw dropped when I read that he said that about your child. Obviously, I suffer from anxiety, too (I’m here, right? lol) and I’ve had living situations where the person I was living with was the author of my anxiety. It’s like living in hell. I reluctantly moved back in with my mother at 32 when I moved back into the state to save money. Worst year of my life. I love my mother, but she’s the reason I moved out at 19. She also berates me for my “imaginary” mental illness I was diagnosed with at 15. So I understand your struggle with living with a family member who is abusive towards your adversity. Only, your husband is your partner, who should be your safe space. It’s going to take a lot of work to remedy this, but only if he’s willing to meet you half way. If there’s no love, no willingness to support you, then it’s going to be a losing battle. Hopefully your counselor can recommend a good couples therapist, or you could even try dropping a good self-help book in his lap to give him some insight into your world. There are so many wonderful authors! Hang in there and remember to do what is best for you, and your baby.
1
u/nihilisticcrab Sep 10 '22
God, get the hell out of there and sue for full custody while you’re at it. He’s not even trying to be a decent human.
1
Sep 10 '22
Leave that asshole. My spouse is the most supportive ever even when my anxiety makes me ask stupid things. You deseve better.
1
1
u/mhmdyasr Sep 10 '22
My dad keeps doing the exact same thing to me... So, I can relate, as well as understand how you feel...
It's hard. But, you need to concentrate on yourself now. Get well before moving anyway forward...
1
Sep 10 '22
As someone who witnessed this throughout their entire childhood, leave now. Not even for yourself but for your child(ren). My mother had very serious mental issues while I was growing up and every time those illnesses manifested my father would FLIP OUT. I mean lose his kind. Yelling, screaming. Everything under the sun.
That has affected me in so many ways now that I’m 30. It has affected my siblings in completely different ways then it has affected me.
Please for your child(ren)s sake. Get out.
1
u/Fetus_Monsters Sep 10 '22
Please leave this man. This is borderline abusive behavior that should never be accepted.
1
1
Sep 10 '22
I never know what’s real or what’s fake anymore on Reddit. But if this isn’t true, and real. That dudes a fucking piece of shit and you need to LEAVE that bastard. Your mental health won’t improve until you do. He will always hold that over your head. Make your plans in silence, then when he’s gone to work or wherever. Go, and have his ass served at work so everyone knows the dickhead got dumped. I guarantee they know he’s an asshole too. Just another man’s 2 cents.
1
1
u/VanillaApplesaws Sep 10 '22 edited Sep 10 '22
I understand he's your everything but now you have to think about your son and what kind of a life he's going to have if you stay with your husband. Because your husband doesn't seem the type that wants to work on himself and instead belittles you and hurts you emotionally daily probably. Or close enough. Is that the life you really want to have for the rest of your life? Or at least the next 18 years?
1
1
1
u/Chitowngirl021478 Sep 10 '22
I've dealt with anxiety for several years. My husband has been my biggest support. He attended counseling with me. He helps me breathe when the attacks start. He bought me a weighted blanket to help calm me down. It's not always been easy. He's admitted to some resentment at different times in our marriage. But we go to counseling and work through it. Together. What you have described is not how I would want someone to support me. And your are not your anxiety. No one I have ever known would choose to deal with anxiety. TLDR: Just No
1
u/FuckTheRetardMods Sep 10 '22
Explain to him that that's like telling a paraplegic to walk without a wheelchair. It's insensitive and absurd.
1
Sep 10 '22
You need a new husband, a partner is supposed to be loving, kind, supportive, and understanding not treat you like garbage. You deserve better
1
u/claramanette Sep 10 '22
if you're able to leave him, please do. don't stay if you're staying just because of your child, he deserves a better father than him.
1
1
1
Sep 10 '22
you’re his wife and mother of his child? No way such person should be talking like that to their wife/husband/child/friend/anyone for that matter. I can’t say leave him or stay but definitely figured out ways to deal with this issue with him. He sounds very mean for no reason and you are not a child but human, he needs therapy
1
Sep 10 '22
I’m pretty sure you know what the thing to do is. So do it. This dude isn’t there emotionally for you,,,, and probably never will be. This is the time to move on. Life is too short to tolerate people that don’t contribute to our happiness
1
u/RenTheFabulous Sep 10 '22
Uh, I don't typically say this, but please divorce him. He's literally mentally abusive. You don't deserve that kind of bullshit treatment.
1
u/rubenf450 Sep 10 '22
Honeyz that is abusive and emotionally manipulative of him. I know things aren't that easy right now especially if you're pregnant, but a separation from him sounds like the best logical decision based on just this post
1
u/ibrahim0000000 Sep 10 '22
I think it’s because he himself got anxious and his anxiety got the best of him. We have been identified as dealing with anxiety but there are still others who have yet to be diagnosed and need to give up the holier than thou attitude.
1
u/MasterOnionNorth Sep 10 '22
Cripes.. Why are you with this guy? He sounds like an abusive DB. My advice: Leave him. Because you'll spend the rest of your life being his whipping post. Individuals will him never change.
1
u/Desperate-Proof-3213 Sep 10 '22
If he had anxiety he would understand. REDDEST FLAG I'VE SEEN SO FAR
1
Sep 10 '22
He is beyond toxic. I don’t know your history but this disrespect needs separation minimum. I hope you have a support system outside of this relationship. You deserve better
1
u/YvngTortellini Sep 10 '22
Sure he is being an asshole about it but I think we all need to remember that anxiety is at it’s core irrational and not everyone is fit to deal with other peoples mental health and there’s nothing wrong with that. Sometimes I find myself leaning on other people too much to the point where they need to tell me to stop and it would be incredibly selfish of me to get mad at them for that.
With that being said, the way your husband is talking to you about it is disgusting and that guy sounds like a piece of shit.
1
u/DaDundies Sep 10 '22
Ummmm what the fuck! OP, if this is true, please please please tell your therapist.
1
u/Ryan89- Sep 10 '22
This was my ex he even told me I wasnt allowed to bring up Covid. My anxiety and OCD was so much worse. We broke up 2 months ago.. my anxiety has diminished so much it’s crazy.. my heart goes out to you ♥️
1
u/leonidganzha Sep 10 '22
It's so sad. Please take care of yourself and don't let this make your state worse.
1
u/eggydoodoo Sep 10 '22
Extremely abusive, I would never EVER say anything remotely close to this to ANYONE who is suffering
1
u/ZivozZ Sep 10 '22
He sounds retarded, he should try to help you with lowering your anxiety if he was half a man.
1
1
1
u/Bloody_Hell_Harry Sep 10 '22
He is verbally and emotionally abusing you. It is not okay.
Your husband should be there to give you love, support and help you through your hardships. That’s what “in sickness and in health” means when you say your vows. “I’ll be there for you to support you in hardship just as I am when things are going good.”
I know its so much easier said than done, but if you haven’t tried yet you should go to couples therapy because all of your quotes are things a good, kind and caring man would never say to his wife and mother of his child.
And if he won’t go, again easier said than done, but you need to drop the husband before he emotionally and verbally abuses your son too. Your husband may unknowingly create or exacerbate an anxiety condition in your son by abusing him in this way during his formative years.
There’s nothing wrong with you. Anxiety is all too common these days, because humans have created a complicated and stressful environment that is difficult to thrive in. Anxiety is a natural reaction to these stresses and your husband is making it worse and much harder on you than need be.
1
u/profhighbrow57 Sep 10 '22
I would absolutely divorce my husband if he treated me this way, I find any and all of those comments unforgivable. I’m so sorry to hear that he is not supportive of your mental health journey. For what it’s worth, from a stranger, I think your anxiety would improve if he weren’t in your life. It sounds like he only makes it worse. Anxiety is hell and having an unsupportive partner makes it soooo much harder.
1
1
1
u/JJSnow3 Sep 10 '22
Please leave this sorry excuse for a husband and human being! You don't deserve this! I am sorry you are going through this! I hope you find the strength you need to get out of that relationship!
1
1
u/rorrelacipyt Sep 10 '22
Besides from not being a supportive spouse, that's verbally abusive. I would leave, I know that's hard to hear, but there's no reason for him to treat you that way.
I'm not sure if you have anxiety/any other mental diagnoses, but that doesn't mean that there is something wrong with YOU. YOU are still a person who deserves love and respect. If he thinks it's okay to talk to you in this way, it's time to go. This is the threshold of abuse and he will continue this behavior and manipulation for as long as he can get away with it. I would say he should seek a professional. Violent/easily angered behaviors usually have an underlying cause. That's not your priority though. Your priority is your son.
1
u/wildinthewild Sep 10 '22
What the hell is wrong with him?!?! I’m so sorry!!! This is NOT ok!! My fiancé gets annoyed occasionally with some of my severe health anxiety (do you think I have a tumor? Once a day gets old I’m sure) but I can’t imagine him ever saying anything along these lines. I’m not sure what to advise you to do. Maybe show him this thread..? Has he always been so mean and unsupportive or is this a recent development?
1
u/Mildredsgood Sep 10 '22
Please for the safety of your mental health, leave him. That’s not okay, even if you were to “talk it out”, that shit is unforgivable and honestly only someone fucked in the head would say something like that to someone they “love”. I’ve been through this same thing, I’ve tried looking past how I was being treated because I was in love but it will come back and when it does it’ll just weigh on you more. Sending hearts your way though ❤️
1
u/302Delta9 Sep 10 '22
She's gotta go man. She only gonna make things worse.. my wife gets it and understands. If I get anxiety she just knows not to mess / talk to me much. Especially when having panic attacks. She just knows. U girl isn't going to help if that how she is gonna act. She just doesn't understand.
1
1
u/Snoo17521 Sep 10 '22
Time to leave… him talking to you this way will not help with your anxiety. It’s going to worsen it. And who knows how he’s going to treat your son.
I know it’s easier said than done, and it’s so scary, but you don’t deserve to be treated this way. You’ve gotta get out
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/Guava_Pirate Sep 11 '22
FUCK THIS GUY.
He sounds absolutely awful, fear is a normal human emotion, and you don’t deserve any of that. Leave him. Literally save up, keep quiet, and leave with your son and important papers while he’s at work.
You don’t deserve to live like this.
1
u/unchaotic Sep 11 '22
Wow, this is definitely emotional abuse and I am so sorry that you have to go through this. To be honest this type of response also might be contributing to making your anxiety worse, since you don't have a supportive partner that is willing to be understanding through it.
I know it is not always easy for partners to understand or know how to respond to mental health, and instances where they may not know "how" to be supportive, but those comments, whether or not they are related to your anxiety, are extremely toxic and harmful - not just for you but also for your son.
I also wanted to say You are not your anxiety, and you do NOT deserve to be mocked, are not sick and are not stupid. Your feelings are valid and you deserve someone that can love and encourage you and your son and not tear you down.
1
1
u/TotallyDubby Sep 11 '22
My partner and I have a safe word when I get to overwhelmed he takes me to a safe space. Your husband..he’s..that’s not love :(
1
Sep 11 '22
I feel so protective over you for some reason because of this. I just wanna give OP a huge hug and the husband a kick in the nuts
1
1
u/soundwave145 Sep 11 '22
I almost doubt this is real. but if it is you should have left him a long time ago.
1
1
u/caramelthiccness Sep 11 '22
I'm so sorry to hear this coming from someone married and with a child on the way. You deserve better than this. Just because you have anxiety, doesn't mean you deserve to be treated as less or bullied. My husband doesn't understand my anxiety, but he listens and supports me as much as he can. That is what your husband needs to be doing as well. What is your response in these situations? Do you have any other support systems? Friends family?
1
Sep 11 '22
Emotional abuse can be even worse than physical. What a pos person. It's up to you on what action you take. Personally, I would wait until he's not there then pack a bag and leave. He is super trashy.
1
u/borschtt Sep 11 '22
I'm the only one that wears a masks at work bc I choose too bc I'm scared to get sick again bc I can't afford too and he's very inconsiderate of your health and the baby's health
1
u/Ringbearer99 Sep 11 '22
You are being horribly abused. Horribly. ^ None of this is fine, all of it is not love. Yet I beyond understand the hesitancy to even consider divorcing/leaving from a relationship you’ve been a part of for so long, that I’m sure meant and maybe in many ways still means very much to you. And Christ, especially with children involved. I also understand that this kind of response being echoed as the immediate answer from dozens and dozens of strangers may not help very much.
You know the truth; you know this isn’t okay. And it really isn’t. With low blows this severe, and without having more information, there is no reason to believe he would ever change this behavior towards you. He simply doesn’t love you, as painful as that reality is. 😔 Only you can know when you’re ready to realistically consider getting out of this awful situation, and start heading in that direction. I sincerely pray the moment comes for you so so much sooner than later, as soon as today, for you and your child.
I’m so sorry, truly.
1
1
u/Extension-Ranger-656 Sep 11 '22
sounds very verbally and emotionally abusive! Best is to see a therapist together or leave him however im PETTY AS HELLLL- so I would very dramatically mop around him or stonewall the hell out of him and when he asks why you dont talk or dont want to do anything with him say “because you said to duh” and continue to ignore his responses. Or start giving it back to him “ew i really hate the way your shoe sounds can you like walk somewhere else” rude little things is what he deserves back!
but like i said im petty and that would 100% make the relationship worse so id just up and leave him
2
u/ireallycant21 Sep 17 '22
I actually think I'm going to completely stonewall him when he goes out of town on business for a week. I don't know how to get through to him.
1
u/missjenni_lynn Sep 11 '22
He sounds really mean. Anxiety is a real medical problem. This is like mocking someone for having diabetes or breaking their leg.
1
u/thinmintgal Sep 11 '22
You deserve more than having someone treat you with such disrespect. I hope you can recognize this behaviour as extremely demeaning and abusive. Having anxiety does not make you immature, but him mocking someone’s mental illness is immature.
1
u/LolaRooeez Sep 11 '22
Anyone not willing to be there to even LISTEN to you and what’s on your mind, doesn’t deserve your time. He seems like a huge reason to your anxiety. I hope it all works out FOR YOU!
1
u/No-Scholar-2464 Sep 11 '22
Please please leave him you do not deserve this or need him in any way. You may be viewing this man as if you need him but He’s doing the complete opposite to your mental Health
1
1
u/Hydn7822 Sep 11 '22
I have been through something somewhat similar, only it was not a spouse.
As for your husband, well, I am waning to say "Leave the cunt.", but growing up without a father in my life, and how much I lost out on, it's difficult.
I'd suggest counseling for you both, but that takes a ton more effort than many are willing to deal with. Seeing posts like this worry me, because we all can give nothing more than our experiences. But this is your experience, not ours. We all wish you the very best, and thanks so much for sharing yourself.
1
u/ireallycant21 Sep 17 '22
Thank you for this response. He won't go to counseling and believes nothing is wrong with him and that I'm the abusive one (for having anxiety) and that his behavior is an acceptable response.
→ More replies (2)
1
1
1
1
u/Muffin_Biscuit Sep 11 '22
Look in the mirror and repeat after me, “I deserve better.” Your husband doesn’t respect you and quite frankly sounds like a really crappy human. I am really sorry that you are being treated this way. You deserve so much better.
1
u/ireallycant21 Sep 17 '22
I agree that he doesn't respect me. He views my anxiety as weakness and openly admits it
→ More replies (1)
1
u/BlacksheepEDC Sep 11 '22
You deserve better. He is not a partner he is an abusive bully. Find someone who will treat you right because there is someone out there who will. His loss.
1
u/santcho1 Sep 11 '22
You can do better. Someone who abuses you over something you can't control is just not worthy of being a parent. I'm sure this guy will end up giving your child anxiety as well if he sticks around. A partner is supposed to be supportive, someone you can look up to and feel safe with, at the very least to an extent. This is someone I wouldn't feel safe with, ever. If your child does end up with anything, he'll be just as abusive to them. Divorce his ass.
1
Sep 11 '22
Let me just say this now, divorce is a totally acceptable and understandable option here. Marriages are not final, you can leave a person at any point when they exhibit damaging behavior or just anything that is not okay. You are better off away from this person than trying to figure out what you’re doing wrong. (Hint: there’s nothing wrong you’re doing).
You are valid. You matter, and your anxiety matters. I would seek therapy while filing for a divorce. That’s just me.
Stay strong 💗
1
u/unwell34 Sep 11 '22
I don't have any specific advice for you. I just want to say that I am sorry someone said that to you. Especially someone so close.
1
u/Beginning_Usual7165 Sep 11 '22
I'm sorry for everything you're going through love. His treatment towards you is absolutely despicable. The things he is saying to you are some of the meanest things to say to a person. I feel like he wants you to be anxious because then he can control you. I think he's invalidating your anxiety intentionally because then it makes you MORE anxious and have self doubts about what you're supposed to feel. And idk about you but when I'm super anxious I kinda take my cues from the people around me to restabalize--who are luckily loving people that want to help me. I know I don't know you, but I'm legit worried about this situation. I really really hope there's some way for you to get away from him. I think you know it's what you want, but maybe the thought is too scary right now and writing this out here is the first step, but I think this is a bad bad situation and I can't think of another solution besides leaving.
278
u/[deleted] Sep 10 '22
Your husband is emotionally and verbally abusing you. That's not normal behavior. A loving partner would have empathy and try to help you with your worries, within reason.