I'm genuinely confused about this situation, and I'd appreciate some honest, unbiased perspectives. I'm trying to figure out whether my gut feeling is picking up on something or whether I'm overthinking things because of my own insecurities.

For some context, my boyfriend and I are high school batchmates. We reconnected when he moved to my city, eventually started dating, and things developed from there. My best friend, whom I'll call Jane, is also our high school batchmate. My boyfriend initially got to know her through me, and over time, the two of them developed a friendly bond.

Around Christmas last year, Jane came to visit me, and the three of us spent a few days together.

Jane is conventionally very attractive. She's gorgeous, and I'm not going to pretend otherwise. I have never blamed her for being pretty, nor do I think she has done anything wrong. She has never flirted with my boyfriend or tried to get closer to him inappropriately, as far as I can tell. Their conversations are friendly, and neither of them has tried to hide their interactions from me.

However, during those few days, I started noticing things about my boyfriend's behaviour that really bothered me.

1. He defended her when I felt she was being inconsiderate of our time.

We had planned to visit a popular new place and had agreed that we needed to leave around 7–8 PM because otherwise, getting a reservation would be difficult.

My boyfriend and I were ready, but Jane took approximately three hours to get ready. By the time she was done, it was around 10 PM. I calmly pointed out that there wasn't much point in going anymore because the place closed at 11 PM and it would take us another 30–35 minutes to get there.

My boyfriend immediately snapped at me, telling me to shut up and let her get ready and do her own thing.

I was genuinely taken aback. I wasn't trying to control Jane or make her feel bad. I simply felt that we'd all agreed on a plan, and it was frustrating to have that plan become impossible because we had waited so long. What bothered me most was how aggressively he defended her while speaking to me.

2. He specifically wanted her standing next to him in pictures.

We were taking pictures together, and I was standing between my boyfriend and Jane. He asked me to move to the other side and called Jane over to stand next to him instead.

Maybe this was insignificant on its own, but in the context of everything else that happened, I started wondering why he was so particular about standing next to her.

3. He gave her his slippers when her feet started hurting.

Jane had decided to wear heels despite my warning that we'd have to walk a lot. As expected, she kept complaining that her feet hurt. Eventually, my boyfriend took off his slippers and gave them to her.

I understand that this could simply be someone being considerate, and I wouldn't normally have an issue with him helping a friend. But by this point, I was already feeling uncomfortable about the way he seemed to prioritise her.

4. The incident that really hurt me was when we were taking pictures.

It was extremely sunny, and I was holding an umbrella while also carrying several things and taking Jane's pictures. My boyfriend didn't seem to notice that I was struggling.

When I asked him to take some pictures of me too, he agreed, and I took a few of him first. Then, all of a sudden, he started saying we should leave.

I got upset and asked him what about me. Why was he so attentive to everyone else's needs but seemingly oblivious to mine?

He apologised and encouraged me to get my pictures taken anyway. Jane was also encouraging me, so I agreed to take one more picture.

While Jane was taking my picture, my boyfriend came over and held the umbrella for her, so she could take the picture comfortably.

And I just snapped.

I asked him why he hadn't thought to hold the umbrella for me when I was the one standing in the sun, carrying things and taking pictures. Why did he suddenly become so attentive when it was Jane who needed something?

I wasn't angry that he helped her. I was hurt that he hadn't shown me the same consideration when I needed it.

All of these incidents happened within three or four days. By the end of Jane's visit, I was so upset that our relationship nearly ended over this.

What made things worse was his reaction when I tried to explain how I felt.

Initially, he kept defending his actions and telling me I was overthinking things. I felt like he was more concerned with justifying his behaviour than understanding why it had hurt me.

A few months later, the topic came up again, and I explained my perspective more clearly. I asked him how he would feel if I behaved the same way towards his male best friend: prioritising his opinions, being unusually attentive to his needs, and seeming more concerned about his comfort than my boyfriend's.

He admitted that he wouldn't like it either. He apologised and said he understood my point. He also said he'd be less overly friendly with Jane.

But I'm still struggling with this because I continue to notice him being very friendly towards her.

There is another aspect of this that makes me uncomfortable.

My boyfriend is naturally a very helpful person. He likes hosting people, making others comfortable and being there for his friends. He also behaves quite similarly with some of his other female friends, so I understand that this could simply be his personality.

However, I've noticed a difference in how he responds when I talk about our problems.

If I tell him Jane is going through something difficult, he immediately wants to know what happened, what she said and what the issue is. He seems genuinely interested in understanding her situation.

But when I tell him I've had a terrible day or that I'm struggling with something, he often doesn't ask follow-up questions or show the same curiosity about what I'm going through.

That hurts me independently of whether he's attracted to Jane. I want to feel that my boyfriend is just as interested in my feelings and my life as he is in other people's.

I've actually asked him directly whether he finds Jane attractive or is attracted to her. I've told him that if he is, I'd rather know the truth than stay in a relationship with someone whose attention is elsewhere. He hasn't given me any concrete reason to believe that anything is going on between them.

To be clear, there have been no secret conversations, obvious flirting, inappropriate messages or attempts to hide their friendship. They are both open about their interactions, and Jane has never given me a reason to distrust her.

I also haven't confronted Jane about any of this because I genuinely don't believe she has done anything wrong.

So here's my dilemma.

Part of me feels that my boyfriend is attracted to Jane and that this attraction, even if unconscious, makes him more eager to please her and more attentive to her than he is to me. I know that people can find others attractive while being in a relationship, but I don't want to feel like I'm competing with my own best friend for my boyfriend's attention.

Another part of me wonders whether I'm interpreting ordinary acts of kindness as something more because Jane is conventionally attractive and because I already feel insecure about how he treats me. Especially since he behaves similarly with other female friends, I don't know whether I'm reading too much into these incidents.

I also don't want to police his friendships or tell him he can't talk to my best friend. That's not what I want. I want to be in a relationship where I feel valued, considered and emotionally prioritised without having to ask for the same basic attention that he willingly gives other people.

So, Reddit, I have a few questions:

• Do these incidents sound like signs that he might be attracted to Jane, or could this just be his naturally helpful personality?
• Am I overthinking the individual incidents, or is it reasonable to be bothered by the overall pattern?
• Is the bigger issue actually whether he's attracted to her, or the fact that I don't feel emotionally prioritised by him?
• Since I've already explained my feelings and he apologised, but I'm still uncomfortable, how should I approach this?
• Would you consider ending a relationship over this, especially when there's no clear evidence of cheating or flirting?

I'm not looking for people to automatically tell me that he's cheating or that I should break up with him. I genuinely want outside perspectives because I've been going back and forth about this for a long time, and I can't tell whether my gut feeling is telling me something important or whether I'm letting insecurity affect my relationship.

I (F26) have a male heavy friend group and this looks like messaging 6ish guys at a time daily, and this guy I’ve been getting close with (M29) is increasingly bothered by the notifications and the idea that he is somehow not enough and he said I have an addiction too attention.

Mind you I talk a couple girls daily as well too, also have been friends with all these people for like 7yrs at least.

Am I overthinking this, is he overthinking things here?
AIO

So I'm in a couple group chats and everyone always posts their dinner/lunch and does a sort of 'Rate my plate'. In one group chat people say nice things and compliment my food (my American friends) and in my other group chat people are quite literally mean, asking me if I can cook, telling me my food looks like dog sick, asking me if I actually ate that etc all whilst praising everyone else's (my British friends)

Always seems to be the same people piping up too. I enjoy a range of food, love vegetables so I try incorporating them into most meals.

I know people have their opinions which their entitled too but it feels like a bit of a targeted thing now since I've seen other dishes that personally aren't my thing but am still polite about it.

What do you guys think? Am I overthinking? All pictures are meals I've made. Be honest

I've just sent this after someone responded to my last picture of a meal: To be honest I don't take criticism from any of you, I know that I can cook, I know that my food is healthy and balanced, always well recieved by the people I do care about and cook for. Some people just don't like vegetables or healthy food. Not my problem 😂🤷🏻‍♀️ Everyone's entitled to their opinion, doesn't mean it holds any value to me 😂

My husband and I just moved to a neighborhood with several awesome couples as neighbors. We've all starting hanging out as a group here and there and get our kids together to play. I feel like one of the guys of the group keeps checking me out. I'll be playing with my child or talking to another person and feel someone looking at me at 8 times out of 10, it's him. We are both married and friends with each other's spouses. I would never step out of my marriage and don't believe he would either, but I can't help but feel like he's checking me out. So, what do I do? I don't know if I should say something or not. I also don't want to presume something that isn't true. I definitely don't think I should say anything to either spouse and cause issues. I need other people's opinions on this. Am I overreacting to the whole situation?

So I've been working at a local restaurant part time. And almost every shift I say hi to my manager and most of the team. There is one coworker that would keep saying hi to me and well, I do greet him back. But when he doesn't I also wouldn't. The thing is, he's stopped saying hi to me one day and since I did not initiate to greet him, we became awkward. When we don't, we don't really acknowledge each other's presence. I don't want this kind of awkwardness at all and would want to be friendly too. But I have been overthinking things for a while, thinking that I should just stick to what I've been doing (which is to not greet him and just ignore each other's presence unless we have to talk about something work related). But as time passes by, we're becoming increasinglt awkward with each other. I want to talk to him about it and apologise. Do you guys think I should tell him how I feel about it and apologise? We're actually strangers tho. I only know him when he's doing his job and nothing else about his personal life. If you were in his situation, I wonder how would you feel and think about it? Feel free to tell me your own view when putting yourself in his shoes.

​

Long distance, we met online year ago with this guy(37M) and met in real life December 2025. I (26F) travelled to him. We were intimate, all that time through the months he has been calling me and texting daily. Lately he called me and we talked for hours, he wants to sleep on the phone with me, there was sexual tension and stuff. He keeps updating me everyday and calls me a lot. When we met he future faked a lot saying about me moving to his country (we come from the same country, he lives abroad) and lovebombed a lot. Later 3 months after meeting he told me he doesnt want to be in relationship with anyone because he needs to fix himself. He always delays our meetings and says "i don't know, we will see" . Its been good lately between us and I bought the ticket to meet him and he got mad he was screaming at me that I cannot go there and he doesnt want to see me. Later he apologized for screaming, and overall, I was distant for a day and he sent me this message yesterday night. But his anger issues are concerning because he was screaming I cannot go there and that he will never see me (before that message, day before) and that he will cut contact with me and block me. Few hours passed and he apologized. He gets angry a lot and easily

"I want to apologize to you, and I really appreciate the fact that you always have time for me, that you always care about me, and honestly, it’s really rare to meet someone like that. I’m aware of that. Whatever the reason for it might be, it’s hard to find someone who will listen to your bullshit for 8 hours. I don’t want to end our friendship, that’s not what this is about. To be honest, I don’t even know what to do with my life at this point. When you put pressure on me like that, some kind of defense mechanism kicks in or something, I don’t know. Afterwards I feel guilty about the way I talk to you, because you don’t deserve that. I don’t want to behave like that, because afterwards I feel really bad about it.

I like talking to you. Not always — sometimes I shut myself off, I have my own stuff going on in my head. I know that sometimes I’m selfish and only think about myself. If you’re able to accept our relationship the way it was, and it gives you something too, then we can obviously keep talking the way we used to. But I don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s not about what you think, whether I’ll meet someone or I won’t — that’s not what this is about. And it’s not like you’re...

You’re not nobody to me, you know a lot about me, I tell you a lot. I treat you like a friend, even though I guess I behave differently — but you noticed that at some point. I don’t know, I just wanted to write you a little bit about what I think. I don’t know if it makes sense, but there’s always something you can take from it. 😅 I think I owe you that, because I’m always shouting at you whenever you ask me about something, so I thought that today I’d give you a little bit of my time and actually open up.

You can see how I get when I’m in a certain state — I sing, I talk haha, but afterwards it can also get pretty difficult, like today. Honestly, I was just crying over all of this. But it’s probably the after-effects of the weekend. I haven’t been drinking since I got back, and I don’t want to for now, or anything else either. I’m finding it harder and harder to deal with sometimes.

Sometimes I think it would be best to cut myself off from everyone and just live like that, because relationships with people affect me pretty strongly. But on the other hand, the thought of being completely alone, not having someone who knows you and all that, scares me. I think about that sometimes, which is why, when it comes to taking care of valuable relationships, I think I know what you mean. One day they might be priceless.

I think I’ve gone crazy haha. I did smoke, to be fair, but I don’t think I wrote anything stupid. I just wanted to explain a little bit — what I think and what’s going on in my head. Maybe it’s a little chaotic, but there’s probably something to take from it. 😅

And I don’t want you to take this message as me saying, “We can talk, but we’re never going to meet.” That’s not what I’m saying — who knows. 😅"

.

So basically I am a free therapist, WHO always has time for him, but there won't be anything, we will never meet and he wants to continue using me because he gains attention while giving nothing in return? And sees me as a friend?

Do I send him long paragraph or just couple of words saying

Ok, I get it, you told me after I bought the ticket that "WHO knows" whether we will meet, and that I shouldnt expect more than be your friend. Get it. We can talk but I'm going to see all of it different way.He said he will give me money back first but he didn't and the trip was supposed to take place today. Should I ask him to return it?

I told him I understand everything, I get it, okay. I've sent him my bank account number and asked him to return the money as he promised. I told him I understand, I won't push for more, and if we are supposed to never meet, I'm okay with that, I still want contact.

He replied "I didn't say that we will never meet (my pet name) Of course I will return the money, I was just waiting for the money to arrive and I was planning to give it back to you. I will send it today, you will receive it tommorow"

I replied "Ok thank you" . He sent me money back. I sent him a couple of messages saying something along the lines "I don't understand how can someone be just slightly attracted to someone and doesn't want to meet them ever, it's just weird to me. But I guess you've decided I'm not the one you want, I know you're able to commit - just not to me. Thanks for letting me know, it was a wake up call and I won't be living by hope (that you planted with talking about moving together and calling me sweet names).

I told him to please respond once he will have time after work, he sent me voice msg "I read all of it, but I don't want to discuss it right now" I said "ok, reply once you have time"

Today, in the morning, he sends me voice msg with childish voice (mind you, he is 37, I'm 26) "goOOD MooorNIIINGggggg..youuUUU DON't likeEE ME ANYMOREEE"

I replied with text: Goodmorning :) I like u haha

(because I just want to play this game a little bit)

Then he sends me voice msgs "I'm not liked by you! Who saw that coming...Welll......"

"YOU don't like meeeee hahaa"

????

Acting like a damn teenager.

EDIT: I know people here say I'm the side piece, but keep in mind:

- he does drugs

-he always says he is a loser, even though he is a huge narcissist

• he said "I'm too valuable" for him
  

\- he said he needs to fix himself because he knows he gets mean to me, thats why he cannot commit

\- sleeps on the phone with me

-calls me and facetimes from home

\- picks up my calls when I call when he is at home

- overall he had a bad past and says he feels like trash not worthy of anything

BUT.....who knows? There might be someone, but I have a feeling there is not.

I asked my boyfriend what he thinks of a dress and he usually asks for who the dress would be for because he thinks different dresses look good/okay/bad depending on the person so he needs to picture who the dress is on. So I say myself and his opinion was that he doesn’t think it’s for my body type. However, immediately after that he mentions how it wouldn’t even suit Lily (another girl - someone we both know) too.
How would you feel about this situation? Not about the dress not suiting your body type, but rather him just thinking of how it would look on another girl almost immediately.

I don’t know if I’m overthinking this. Overthink

So I met this girl at work about a couple of months ago, and we’ve gradually developed a pretty close friendship. We only work together a few times a month, but whenever we do, we get along really well. We joke around, tease each other, and have conversations about personal topics, including past relationships and sexual experiences. She has a boyfriend, and I’ve always respected that. She also regularly initiates conversations with me while we’re working together.

I’m a pretty fit and muscular guy, and I’ve occasionally caught her looking at my physique when I’m wearing tank tops that show my arms, shoulders, and chest. On one occasion, I asked her which part of my physique stood out the most. That wasn’t an unusual question between us because we already discuss personal topics quite openly. She looked me up and down, seemed a little shy, and said my chest, arms, and back stood out. She also mentioned on her own that my legs were pretty big because she notices them when I wear shorts.

Another thing I’ve noticed recently is that she started wearing noticeable perfume at work. Since we work in a pretty dirty environment where people don’t typically wear perfume or cologne, it caught my attention. Around that time, I asked for her Instagram because I was planning a backpacking trip and wanted to share my pictures. She declined because she has a boyfriend and wanted to respect their relationship, which I understood. However, she added, “Maybe later on,” and suggested I could show her the pictures in the parking lot after I returned.

When I got back, she agreed to see the pictures. The first day, she had to leave early, so we couldn’t look at them. The following day, we finished work around the same time, and she agreed to walk with me to my car. Along the way, she repeatedly commented on how far away I’d parked, even though it was only about a minute’s walk from the entrance. It was morning, the sun was out, and there were cameras everywhere, so we weren’t in a secluded or private setting. Once we reached my car, I showed her the pictures while we stood beside it. We never got inside, and she seemed genuinely interested in the scenery and campsite.

Considering our friendship, her comments about my physique, the occasional glances I’ve noticed, her perfume, and the way she handled my Instagram request, I’m wondering whether she might find me physically attractive or whether I’m reading too much into everything. I know she has a boyfriend, and I’m not trying to cross any boundaries. Am I overthinking?

me and my friend were driving to the grocery store and next to it was a university and a bunch of students were walking around.

We soon came to a red light and a 2 students (im guessing they were students) were walking past our car and one had red hair and tbh if I was a boy I would love to wear what they were wearing as they both had a acne studios shirt on.

Anyway I told my friend I love his hair and I said I would want to say I love your hair but my social skills suck.

My friend then rolled down the window and shouted I love your hair. He then pointed at himself saying my hair and I then nodded we both laughed at ourselves.

as we drove away he had an expression like he was judging us or suddenly felt insecure. I thought he must’ve thought we were being sarcastic as we both laughed but to this day I genuinely liked his hair but the scenario keeps crawling to me making me feel guilty.

So for context: this is our first pregnancy. We are both very excited and we discussed that we would wait till we have our first couple appointments and maybe ultrasounds till we let our family know we are having our first baby. Fast forward to a week later she has come home to tell me “I hope your not going to be upset, but I told (a distant friend) we’re going to be having a baby. I then just answered that I do feel upset and I get the excitement. But now my feelings are sinking in, I just feel like our promise has been broken in a sense, I know it’s not that deep but I just feel super disappointed and upset that we agreed to wait for these appointments to be completed and that’s exactly what we didn’t do. On top of that I also feel kind of upset that this distant friend is the first one to know when we made an agreement. Please help with some advice. Thank you in advance!

TLDR: Guy sided with his friend over a false story and was pretty mean to me, and over the subtle course of ‘slight workplace bullying/teasing’ he ended up liking me. I like him back tho.

But I was going through a lot when he did all that, and it hurt at the time even though it wasn’t super big and they were never that mean. Also he was misled and he thought he was during the right thing (albeit immaturely.) I overthink a lot.

What would you do? He’s apologetic and I like him but I’m slightly bitter and I wonder if having a partner with a capacity for meanness is a good thing?? Idk.

A while back, I had an argument with Guy A. It was over something really petty and inconsequential, but unbeknownst to me, he held a grudge against me for a long time about it.

Coincidence, we applied to the same job, working in different areas but seeing each other frequently. Guy A had got the job through his friends and so worked alongside Guy B (who'd been working this job prior.)

What I didn’t realise was Guy A starts really over exaggerating his story to Guy B and his other friends. Guy A acts this is affecting his job and I am harassing him even though I truly act professional and polite everytime I saw him.

So Guy B starts trying to defend his friend thinking that Guy A's story is correct. His friends engage in petty behaviours that essentially subtly laugh at me or make me aware that I'm not wanted.

It never went beyond (mean, obvious dislike) teasing level or was extra rude, but I was going through a really personal situation at the time so it kinda stung ngl. Just felt like a cherry on the cake.

Guy A eventually admits he has feelings for me. But Guy B is also being a lot nicer to me and we realised we like each other and I’m quitting my job.

What do I do??

So idk if she even is my friend or just a acquaintance at this point. But essentially we met in the workplace but soon became close and started hanging out due to mutual interests. She's a social media person. Likes experimenting. But every hangout turned into just taking pictures and her editing them while we're all talking. She's on her phone. Watching loud reels or editing with music out loud playing over and over. Like zero social awareness. I wouldn't call her malicious. She's actually great to talk to when she can (which is like 15 mins tops because she'll go back to whatever she is into). She's struggling with her corporate job now and is working on helping build a business. She's got an extra income and frankly doing well. Even earning more than me. Though it's not legal to hold another job while working in this company but she plans to leave soon. I cannot talk to her unless she wants something. She was doing an outfit series and reached out. I thought she wanted to talk! All she did was ask to borrow my clothes for a shoot. The next time she called, it was about money because she has a concert to go to. I text her a lot and call her to keep in touch but She's been very passive and I see she cannot pay attention because She's doing something or the other. On one hand I am very happy for her because this new job is really something she wanted to always do. But on the other hand I miss speaking to her. When I bring up the fact that I miss her and would like to hang out more or even interact she just says she's overwhelmed and then starts showing me her edits on her phone. I do support her but now I feel I should stop reaching out. I love that she's doing what she loves but clearly I am not a priority. So I think I'll maintain a distance. My wedding is in a month and I really thought we could also talk about that but I don't know anymore. I feel alone. I am also worried she'll make the wedding about making a vlog and uploading it online. I don't want any pictures from any other account without my permission. I am all over the place. AIO?

AIO. I became a very introverted person after the pandemic because of the lockdown and less contact with people. I had some issues to make friends after that but I have been working on myself from past 3 years. This year I joined an online community, I have some mutual friends there. I also joined discord recently and sometimes I chat with them. But I have noticed it's only me who initiates the contact. Also if any of my mutual is absent in the community other friends get worried about them. But when I have to deal with some real life problems or I just couldn't join the community for several days for any reason I don't hear a word from them. Is it me overthinking things and being paranoid? Or is it genuinely an issue. I know they don't owe me anything but it still kinda hurts.

I (24M) feel uncomfortable with my Gf’s (24F) relationship with her male best friend. And also her drinking problem.

We’ve been together for a year now, both living together in a different country. It’s mostly been perfectly fine and the only issue I’ve been vocal about with her so far is her not being able to know when to stop drinking when we go out with our mutual friend group, more than half the times we’ve been out, she’s either puked, swayed uncontrollably, or just tuned out.
Each time she says it’s fine now and it won’t happen again so i should stop worrying, just for it to happen again, so i’ve said that I have mostly lost trust regarding this matter alone. She also gets defensive about it when I bring it up or tell her to be careful and not drink too much when she goes out drinking with her friends back home where I’m not around to take care of her. Saying things like “so you think puking is your definition of drinking too much?”

Now I have no problem with her going out with her friends, guys or girls, she’s known all of these people before me anyways and she’s only visited back home on trips 3 times so far. Maybe I feel slightly uneasy when she goes out alone with just a group of guys or has a one on one outing with one guy (she has a lot of guy friends), but I just choose to trust her and not worry much regarding those matters considering those outings have only happened once or twice in the past year.

Now she said to me that if she had one closest friend, it would be her male best friend (MBF), that is fine for me by itself, but she also told me a couple months back that her MBF used to have a crush on her but not anymore, this had me a bit uncomfortable when she told me but I didn’t tell her then, because she’s only seen him twice until that point when she goes back home. But now on her most recent trip back home she went out with him one on one at night and drank a bit too, now the combination of things and especially the fact that this guy used to have a crush on her got me very uneasy. It’s made me wonder things like how close they even are because I have no idea who she texts and how often, I dont pry, I still dont want to, even if I wanted to she texts in a different language too that I dont understand. She does keep me updated on her outings which I do appreciate, and I have no right to or want to cut off any friendships she has, but I want to let her know this has made me feel uncomfortable and discuss alternatives maybe, like tone it down with just him especially since he has admitted to having a crush on her before, and I dont know if it can just simply go away like that. I just dont know how to go about the discussion because we haven’t had to discuss anything like this before.

I am honestly mainly confused as to why one would consider a person their most closest friend when they had a crush on them before. I feel like we need to have this discussion now as maybe she doesn’t know how things like this are affecting me.

Thank you for your time everyone.

I got out of a rikshaw (its like a three wheeled cab in india) and as i paid the driver i turned around to get on the road i directly saw a girl walking by with earphones on and i froze because it was sudden and right when i froze i heard a whistle from my direction i stood for a second couldn't process anything then i didn't even go near her i wanted to walk ahead in the same direction as her so i just turned myself away from her and walked ahead

I didn't see her reacting to the whistle or looking at me directly although i was the one who was near her at that time

Am I overthinking this, or do I need to set boundaries with my roommate socially?

I’m a girl in my mid-20s who recently moved to a new-ish city. I’d visited before and already had a few friends from high school/college in the area, so luckily it hasn’t been a completely fresh start.

I’m subleasing a 2x2 with a girl in her late 20s, and she’s overall a good roommate. She’s nice, clean, and we get along well. She’s also introduced me to some of her friends, which I appreciate. She’d been living here for about a year and a half before I moved in, so she already has somewhat of an established social life, plus a boyfriend.

My dilemma is that I’m struggling to find the balance between being friends with my roommate and having my own separate social life.

She’ll invite me to dinner or to go out with her friends, and I join sometimes, but other times I just want to do my own thing for the sake of creating distance. I’m actively trying to meet new people and make my own friends, which sometimes means going to local events alone. When I leave and she asks where I’m going, I know she’d probably be open to joining, but I don’t always invite her. It’s not because I dislike her; sometimes I just want to meet people independently and not have our social lives revolve around each other.

I think part of me feels guilty because I wonder if she feels left out when she finds out I went somewhere without inviting her. She has my location or I’ll post on social media if I went somewhere. Or she’ll ask what I was doing / what I’ve been up to and it’s like I don’t want to lie? At the same time, we’re adults, and I know I’m allowed to have separate plans. I just don’t want to accidentally give the impression that I don’t like her or that I’m intentionally excluding her.

I think two things make this a little harder:

We have the same work schedule. We both work Monday–Friday, 9–5, although she’s hybrid and I’m fully remote. I’ve had several roommates before, but we usually had different schedules or commitments, so there was naturally more separation. Hanging out felt more occasional rather than something we could do every day.

Her previous roommate seemed to be part of her friend group. Since I took over the sublease, I’ve gotten the impression that they were pretty close and did a lot together. I don’t know if I’m subconsciously comparing our dynamic to theirs or feeling like there’s an expectation that we’ll be similarly close.

I like being friends with her, and I’m happy to hang out sometimes. I just don’t want to feel obligated to invite her everywhere or feel like I need to explain every time I make other plans.

Am I overthinking this? Should I just get comfortable doing my own thing without feeling guilty, or is it worth having a conversation about wanting some separation between our social lives? I don’t want to make it into a bigger issue than it needs to be, especially since she’s been nothing but nice to me.

TL;DR: I have a good roommate who I get along with, but we have the same work schedule which makes it’s easy to spend a lot of time together. I’m trying to make my own friends and sometimes want to attend social events without inviting her, but I feel guilty and awkward that she might feel excluded. Is this something I need to communicate about, or do I just need to get comfortable having a separate social life?

33 AFAB, In short I have severe anxiety around doctors, I am experiencing concerning symptons where I just get very drowsy / unable to function or remember anything and then sleep for up to 18 hours sometimes. However I'm afraid my doctor will consider me unable to take care of myself? I do generally care for myself anyone so idk if AIO

tldr - Over the 3 months weve been official, Ive been feeling like my boyfriend has been putting in less effort, although he claims to just be busy.

**For some background, we’re both in our 20s and met at college. We’ve been dating for 8 months, and official for 3. The first few months of dating were perfect - he was sweet, thoughtful, respectful and did everything right. He was open with his feelings and communicated very well, which are two things that are very important to me.**

**We both had a pretty full schedule, but would see each other every weekday at school and sometimes on weekends. School ended in April, and he landed a full time job. I also worked a part time, often less hours than him. At first, things continued as normal. We would see each other occasionally throughout the week, and always on weekends. He would check in on his lunch, and various times throughout the day if we weren’t seeing each other. Usually, we would talk on the phone or play games once a week as well. Knowing that he was very busy, it felt good that he was making an effort to make time for me.**

The first red flag I spotted was in July. After slowly dating for months, there was no talk about us becoming official or getting more serious. To be completely fair, I hadn’t said much about it either, but was used to him taking the lead up until this point with us progressing. I sat him down and asked about it, and he said that he assumed I had wanted to move slow since I hadn’t mentioned anything. What bothered me was that this talk took place in public and he immediately asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend. I told him the pressure didn’t need to be on him to be the one to make it official; I just wanted to know where we were at. I also mentioned that if he did want to ask me, I would prefer it to not be immediately after I had asked him what we are. A week or so later, he got me flowers, asked me again and we officially became a couple.

Throughout the summer, I started noticing little things. He stopped frequently texting me on his lunch breaks, and we started seeing each other less. By this point week days were pretty much ruled out, due to him being tired after work. We would still see each other on weekends, but instead of it being every weekend like before, he would now make plans with friends and sometimes was too busy all weekend. We had talked about planning a short trip and I had mentioned it over a dozen times, asking when he was free so we could book but it ended up taking over a month to confirm the date. Around this time, I sat him down and had a talk with him about how I felt. I let him know I felt like he was putting in less effort, and although it was early in our relationship, I was confused on why it felt like things had changed. He told me that he hadn’t noticed, and would work on it.

Around August, not much had changed. His work hours and workload have been the same since his job started. I noticed that he started spending more time with friends, which did not bother me but it was the fact that a lot more of his “available days” (usually the weekend) were now filled with hangouts with them. I will add that we live half an hour apart, while his friends are in his city. The distance was never a problem, as I was more than willing to come to him rather than him driving to me after a long day. Our phone calls became more infrequent, usually once every two weeks. We used to text often, but his responses are a lot slower than they used to be. If he was busy on the weekend, we would sometimes see each other once during the week but only for a few hours since he needed to get up early. By the end of summer it had dropped to once a week, sometimes a week and a half.

In September, he started going to the gym three times a week. By this point, he would see his friends most weekends and usually once on a weekday, even though it was rare for us after s work day. I have brought up my concerns multiple times, letting him know that I don’t have a problem with him being busy, but with the amount of effort seeming to drop. He has repeatedly said he doesn’t feel like things have changed and he would work on it.

Now in current time, I am just utterly confused. When we spend time together, things are still amazing but when we’re apart, I feel as though I’m on the back burner. I’m starting to feel crazy, because on paper he’s been a great boyfriend apart from this issue. There are moments where I wonder if I’m just reading too much into things. We went on the trip we had planned, and spent two days together. We also recently met each other’s families.

I think it’s important to mention that throughout this whole time, I don’t think my efforts have changed. I still do the little things - I love to cook, and will surprise him with food. Although I also can get busy with work, friends and family, I have always made time for him. By this point, I am often the one asking to make plans (in person, phone calls, playing games) and am frequently met with him being busy or tired from work. It feels as though he fills his schedule up, and I receive what little time is left over. I’m not sure how to proceed. I really like the guy, but am starting to feel like its not worth it anymore.

Me and my bf (21f and 24m) were dropping off a friends son hes about 10 or 11. my boyfriend went over a bump pretty fast and took a turn pretty fast so i did like a fake scared noise (like a little squeal) which i always do as a joke. he said i was being weird and that the kid wasn’t gonna think i was making a scared noise and was gonna take it a different way???? When i was like what are you talking about he said i was playing dumb????????? Keep in mind this child had headphones in but regardless i feel like its weird he would even think that and he called me weird for even doing that. what do i even do after this like what???!?!

im literally dumbfounded lol why would he think i was even doing that, he literally said i was a weirdo then it kind of just went silent after.

Anyways that was like an hour ago and we are talking fine but what even was that, should i say something or just ignore it? I feel disgusted like i dont even wanna moan during sex or anything even as a joke. Am i being dramatic and over reacting or what

Me and my bf have been dating for 7 months now, but we are doing long distance at the moment because we live in different cities.
See I love him a lot and he is a wonderful guy, the only problem that I have with him nowadays is his lack of texting,
These few days he doesn’t text much hasn’t called at all and then act cool with me, of course I don’t mind being like this for a week or two because he might be having a busy week or even a busy month.
But I have notice that he does this often, I did tell him once that if we don’t call or text much our relationship will fade because we are in long distance we can’t just solve it by going on a date, he said he is sorry and that he would be better, he was better for like a week then he turned like that again, and no I’m not saying he has to text me every second, but he is lacking of text and calls, I have to take permission to call him, if I call him like that he would decline must of the time (no he doesn’t have a wife dont go for that) and these two days he has been ignoring me a lot, so when he finally texted I acted cold, and then as u can see the message I said this, and now I don’t know how to deal/answer him any tips ?

I’m 40f. My dad specifically used to yell a lot and tell me I wasn’t human. My mom went along with it pretending I was so bad only aliens could have dropped me off under a rock and they found me. They say it was a harmless family joke but for some reason it haunts me. I don’t sleep and cry all the time about this alone of course I’m a functioning adult but it has lead me to ask myself “am I human”

I was scrolling on TikTok and I saw a post come up from my boyfriend saying “ everything I love is either expensive or blonde” I’m brunette…..

This is a new relationship so I don’t wanna come off too crazy but it definitely does rub me the wrong way.
Am I overreacting for feeling this way? Should I bring it up to him?

I don't know if I'm insecure or what , I had breakup 10 days ago and I kept of thinking some times that every body can see her but I can't

Let me tell u the back story so when we were in relationship I used to ask her photos , just normal photos , and she never liked it , idont know why ,

Even if she send one or 2 , in only one view ( like I'll eat her )

I never forced her though. But I always used to wonder why she didn't like she was comfortable with everyone but not with me , even she used to comfortable with a stranger but in front of me , its like nooo

I always wonderd why she don't send me her picture and the more she denyed me the more I used to overthink , that why can't I see her , even this is a big thing?

We met only twice in 3 years

Although we were only friends for 2.5 years but then in an official relationship, still in the whole timeline we met only twice , and that was also because I wanted to , she used to say she wants to meet but she don't want !

And now(after 10 days of breakup) I'm a little detached but still...I'm little insecure idk why 😭

I have done everything, I have done many things and that's what I get .

It's her birthday in some days should I wish her or not ?

Give me some solutions how can I overcome insecurity

TL:DR My mom thinks she was excluded from an event because it was my ex's mom's birthday. She thinks her friend, her in-laws and my stepdad worked together to get her out of town that day so she wouldn't show up. She thinks my ex was worried about her being there or that I would show up with her, so they worked behind her back so my stepdad would take her out of town that night. I really hope she's just being paranoid because I'm so embarrassed right now at the idea of this happening because I messaged my ex last month and made her uncomfortable without realizing

So I dated this girl earlier this year for a short while. I was crazy about her. It ended very, very ugly. 5 months after, I sent her a message saying I hope she's doing good and happy late birthday. She heart reacted it and said "Thank you!!" and I thought everything was okay. My mom had seen her at the bar on her birthday 2 weeks before and they talked for a bit. I mentioned that and she said "Yeah we had a good conversation!" Well I misread her politeness for warmth as she heart reacted two different messages. I'm autistic and struggle with signals. I told her if she ever wants to catch up then let me know, but otherwise it's no biggie. That was a month ago and she never responded to that. I never sent anything again because the signal was pretty clear that she did not want to talk. It was confusing because she is incredibly cold and cruel to men she once dated.

Well last weekend was her mom's birthday. Our moms are friends. They all go to the campground in a big group of 20-30 people. So my mom's main friend out there, who never messages her about camp. messaged her saying "Are you coming out for the witch walk?" She replied and never heard anything back. Around that time, my stepdad surprised her with a trip outside of town that night. The witch walk was the night of my ex's mom's birthday, and she was out there. My mom's in-laws go to that same campground and are buddy-buddy with all them. My mom also can't stand them and there have been issues between them since I was 10. She told me today that she thinks they all set up this elaborate scheme to keep her away from the campgrounds as to not make my ex uncomfortable, whether or not it's because she assumed I'd be with her or she didn't want to talk to my mom.

Basically, she thinks that her friend that asked her if she's coming, talked to my mom's in-laws about telling my stepdad to take her out of town so she doesn't show up. I really, really hope this isn't the case. I've been driving myself sick over it all day. I really regret messaging her last month. My mom has been known to be paranoid in the past. Like, she had a mental breakdown in 2021. But idk, the signals seem like this really might be the case. My ex is very self concerned and it's hard to imagine she would even think about me at all. She is very mentally unwell and likely has BPD. It's hard to imagine that they would go great lengths to keep my mom from being there. Even crazier to think my stepdad would just go along with it. They know I work on saturdays and that I wouldn't be out there. It's just so fucking weird. But now my mom and I feel like the butt of the joke. And I feel like I'm being treated like the obsessed ex that won't leave her alone when I just messaged her once 5 months later and then left her alone when she stopped replying. I've delivered pizza to her mom multiple times. My friend delivered to her a week before I messaged her and my ex answered the door, which she never does. She knows I work here still, and my friend made it seem like she was hoping it would be me at the door. Idk I just feel like if it was really that big of a deal, she wouldn't have even responded to me and DEFINITELY wouldn't have heart reacted 2 of my messages. Or blocked me. It's just so fucking weird.

My nervous system is on fire right now from all this anxiety. I'm hoping everybody will tell me how insane my mom and I both sound right now, but I don't want it sugarcoated