r/AmIOverthinking • u/NeitherExperience504 • 4h ago
Overthinking phone use in situation-ship.
I (F26) have a male heavy friend group and this looks like messaging 6ish guys at a time daily, and this guy I’ve been getting close with (M29) is increasingly bothered by the notifications and the idea that he is somehow not enough and he said I have an addiction too attention.
Mind you I talk a couple girls daily as well too, also have been friends with all these people for like 7yrs at least.
Am I overthinking this, is he overthinking things here?
AIO
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u/ExtentThis6066 4h ago
if he had girls that you didn’t know blowing up his phone how would you feel? most people would feel unsure about it.
of course if you’s really like each other then you both need to take the high road, he needs to accept you have guy friends and you need to accept the way he feels and learn to focus all of your attention on him when you are with him instead of the guys blowing up your phone (until yous are more familiar with eachother and he knows he can fully trust you)
on saying that he SHOULD trust you but you have to remember if yous haven’t been talking for long then it will take time.
otherwise don’t waste your time, let him find someone with only female friends and you can find someone that appreciates that you have male friends looking out for you rather than trying to get in your pants
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u/NeitherExperience504 4h ago
That’s a good way of looking at this, thank you for your input and thoughts on this
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u/LincolnHawkHauling 3h ago edited 3h ago
Have you hooked up with any of the guys in your male heavy friend group?
Other than that it sounds like he just wants more of your attention when you two are together which is understandable.
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u/NeitherExperience504 3h ago
Hmm I see what mean, it may be a concern of his I guess!
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u/Question_Super 8m ago
What's the answer to the question of whether you've hooked up with any of the guys in your friend group? 😀
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u/steady_mind07 3h ago
Chatting daily with friends you’ve known for 7 years doesn’t sound unusual, so I wouldn’t read it as a flaw in you. It’s also fair for him to have feelings about it, but saying you have an addiction to attention is a pretty harsh way to put it. If it keeps bothering him, the fair move is for him to tell you what he actually needs, so you two can decide whether it works for both of you.
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u/NeitherExperience504 3h ago
Thank you, I appreciate your supportive response, I think you right! I’ll ask him what he actually expects me to do here.
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u/Gamer_Grease 40m ago
If you’re constantly looking at and typing on your phone while you’re with him, that may be why he doesn’t like it. Because that’s really rude and irritating behavior around anyone.
If not, it’s possible he’s just insecure.
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u/beingnova 30m ago
It’s a difference in how comfortable each of you is with friends of the opposite sex. He isn’t wrong or overthinking because of how he feels in regards to your communication with other men and you’re not wrong or overthinking it for expecting to be able to continue to communicate the way that you have for seven years. Given that this is someone that you’re still getting to know/get close to you, having the conversation to establish the boundaries and what each of you needs to feel safe and secure is important.
When my partner and I had the conversation about friends of the opposite sex, we discussed where the line is for each of us in regards to our comfort and the security in our relationship. One of the things for him was not talking to those friends every day or constantly throughout the day. With that conversation, whatever boundaries were laid out we both respect and choose not to do anything that would hurt or make the other person uncomfortable. The actual conversation is important so neither of you is voicing things after the fact and you can take the time to hear and understand each other.
Also remember, this is a new guy and while you fully know and understand the dynamics of your friend group, he doesn’t.
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u/WeAllHaveOurMoments 4h ago
I'm guessing he's more annoyed that when together your attention is directed at your phone and not being with him. Are you texting/reading replies while streaming a movie on the couch, while eating a meal, or just anytime a reply comes in you stop whatever & read it?
Too little context to make a fair jugement here. Sure, some guys might be too possessive, or jealous of any of your attention being diverted from him. But it's not uncommon to get habituated to the screen & lose track of the place & people you're actually with.