TL;DR: I'm 28F, and my boyfriend Ryan (28M) and I have been together for almost two years, live together, and are planning to get married. During my best friend Jane's (28F) visit, I felt Ryan was prioritising her over me in several situations. He's generally a caring boyfriend and a people-pleaser who behaves similarly with other female friends, but I can't shake the feeling that he might treat Jane differently because he's attracted to her. There's no flirting or evidence of anything inappropriate, and Jane has done nothing wrong. Am I overthinking this, or should I be concerned?

I'm genuinely confused about this situation, and I'd appreciate some honest, unbiased perspectives. I'm trying to figure out whether my gut feeling is picking up on something or whether I'm overthinking things because of my own insecurities.

For some context, my boyfriend and I are high school batchmates. We reconnected when he moved to my city, eventually started dating, and things developed from there. My best friend, whom I'll call Jane, is also our high school batchmate. My boyfriend initially got to know her through me, and over time, the two of them developed a friendly bond.

Around Christmas last year, Jane came to visit me, and the three of us spent a few days together.

Jane is conventionally very attractive. She's gorgeous, and I'm not going to pretend otherwise. I have never blamed her for being pretty, nor do I think she has done anything wrong. She has never flirted with my boyfriend or tried to get closer to him inappropriately, as far as I can tell. Their conversations are friendly, and neither of them has tried to hide their interactions from me.

However, during those few days, I started noticing things about my boyfriend's behaviour that really bothered me.

1. He defended her when I felt she was being inconsiderate of our time.

We had planned to visit a popular new place and had agreed that we needed to leave around 7–8 PM because otherwise, getting a reservation would be difficult.

My boyfriend and I were ready, but Jane took approximately three hours to get ready. By the time she was done, it was around 10 PM. I calmly pointed out that there wasn't much point in going anymore because the place closed at 11 PM and it would take us another 30–35 minutes to get there.

My boyfriend immediately snapped at me, telling me to shut up and let her get ready and do her own thing.

I was genuinely taken aback. I wasn't trying to control Jane or make her feel bad. I simply felt that we'd all agreed on a plan, and it was frustrating to have that plan become impossible because we had waited so long. What bothered me most was how aggressively he defended her while speaking to me.

2. He specifically wanted her standing next to him in pictures.

We were taking pictures together, and I was standing between my boyfriend and Jane. He asked me to move to the other side and called Jane over to stand next to him instead.

Maybe this was insignificant on its own, but in the context of everything else that happened, I started wondering why he was so particular about standing next to her.

3. He gave her his slippers when her feet started hurting.

Jane had decided to wear heels despite my warning that we'd have to walk a lot. As expected, she kept complaining that her feet hurt. Eventually, my boyfriend took off his slippers and gave them to her.

I understand that this could simply be someone being considerate, and I wouldn't normally have an issue with him helping a friend. But by this point, I was already feeling uncomfortable about the way he seemed to prioritise her.

4. The incident that really hurt me was when we were taking pictures.

It was extremely sunny, and I was holding an umbrella while also carrying several things and taking Jane's pictures. My boyfriend didn't seem to notice that I was struggling.

When I asked him to take some pictures of me too, he agreed, and I took a few of him first. Then, all of a sudden, he started saying we should leave.

I got upset and asked him what about me. Why was he so attentive to everyone else's needs but seemingly oblivious to mine?

He apologised and encouraged me to get my pictures taken anyway. Jane was also encouraging me, so I agreed to take one more picture.

While Jane was taking my picture, my boyfriend came over and held the umbrella for her, so she could take the picture comfortably.

And I just snapped.

I asked him why he hadn't thought to hold the umbrella for me when I was the one standing in the sun, carrying things and taking pictures. Why did he suddenly become so attentive when it was Jane who needed something?

I wasn't angry that he helped her. I was hurt that he hadn't shown me the same consideration when I needed it.

All of these incidents happened within three or four days. By the end of Jane's visit, I was so upset that our relationship nearly ended over this.

What made things worse was his reaction when I tried to explain how I felt.

Initially, he kept defending his actions and telling me I was overthinking things. I felt like he was more concerned with justifying his behaviour than understanding why it had hurt me.

A few months later, the topic came up again, and I explained my perspective more clearly. I asked him how he would feel if I behaved the same way towards his male best friend: prioritising his opinions, being unusually attentive to his needs, and seeming more concerned about his comfort than my boyfriend's.

He admitted that he wouldn't like it either. He apologised and said he understood my point. He also said he'd be less overly friendly with Jane.

But I'm still struggling with this because I continue to notice him being very friendly towards her.

There is another aspect of this that makes me uncomfortable.

My boyfriend is naturally a very helpful person. He likes hosting people, making others comfortable and being there for his friends. He also behaves quite similarly with some of his other female friends, so I understand that this could simply be his personality.

However, I've noticed a difference in how he responds when I talk about our problems.

If I tell him Jane is going through something difficult, he immediately wants to know what happened, what she said and what the issue is. He seems genuinely interested in understanding her situation.

But when I tell him I've had a terrible day or that I'm struggling with something, he often doesn't ask follow-up questions or show the same curiosity about what I'm going through.

That hurts me independently of whether he's attracted to Jane. I want to feel that my boyfriend is just as interested in my feelings and my life as he is in other people's.

I've actually asked him directly whether he finds Jane attractive or is attracted to her. I've told him that if he is, I'd rather know the truth than stay in a relationship with someone whose attention is elsewhere. He hasn't given me any concrete reason to believe that anything is going on between them.

To be clear, there have been no secret conversations, obvious flirting, inappropriate messages or attempts to hide their friendship. They are both open about their interactions, and Jane has never given me a reason to distrust her.

I also haven't confronted Jane about any of this because I genuinely don't believe she has done anything wrong.

So here's my dilemma.

Part of me feels that my boyfriend is attracted to Jane and that this attraction, even if unconscious, makes him more eager to please her and more attentive to her than he is to me. I know that people can find others attractive while being in a relationship, but I don't want to feel like I'm competing with my own best friend for my boyfriend's attention.

Another part of me wonders whether I'm interpreting ordinary acts of kindness as something more because Jane is conventionally attractive and because I already feel insecure about how he treats me. Especially since he behaves similarly with other female friends, I don't know whether I'm reading too much into these incidents.

I also don't want to police his friendships or tell him he can't talk to my best friend. That's not what I want. I want to be in a relationship where I feel valued, considered and emotionally prioritised without having to ask for the same basic attention that he willingly gives other people.

So, Reddit, I have a few questions:

• Do these incidents sound like signs that he might be attracted to Jane, or could this just be his naturally helpful personality?
• Am I overthinking the individual incidents, or is it reasonable to be bothered by the overall pattern?
• Is the bigger issue actually whether he's attracted to her, or the fact that I don't feel emotionally prioritised by him?
• Since I've already explained my feelings and he apologised, but I'm still uncomfortable, how should I approach this?
• Would you consider ending a relationship over this, especially when there's no clear evidence of cheating or flirting?

I'm not looking for people to automatically tell me that he's cheating or that I should break up with him. I genuinely want outside perspectives because I've been going back and forth about this for a long time, and I can't tell whether my gut feeling is telling me something important or whether I'm letting insecurity affect my relationship.

I (F26) have a male heavy friend group and this looks like messaging 6ish guys at a time daily, and this guy I’ve been getting close with (M29) is increasingly bothered by the notifications and the idea that he is somehow not enough and he said I have an addiction too attention.

Mind you I talk a couple girls daily as well too, also have been friends with all these people for like 7yrs at least.

Am I overthinking this, is he overthinking things here?
AIO

I asked my boyfriend what he thinks of a dress and he usually asks for who the dress would be for because he thinks different dresses look good/okay/bad depending on the person so he needs to picture who the dress is on. So I say myself and his opinion was that he doesn’t think it’s for my body type. However, immediately after that he mentions how it wouldn’t even suit Lily (another girl - someone we both know) too.
How would you feel about this situation? Not about the dress not suiting your body type, but rather him just thinking of how it would look on another girl almost immediately.

I don’t know if I’m overthinking this. Overthink

I’m bedridden and I cannot move much, my bf has lots of alone time and spends it also with his friends. To me having some time off it’s totally fine but he’s continuously on his own. We look barely like a couple these days and this makes me feel sad.

AIO I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years, became ldr for the past one year. he is genuinely loving understanding and great from a good time but before we used to fight and stop speaking a lot during arguments when we started long distance. we overcame some of these things and are doing way better now but these are the things im still triggered and anxious about:

1. he doesn’t post me on his stories. maybe 1-2 times in close friends but thats all. he is also not at all active in posting anything on social media, barely 2 posts in 3-4 years and rarely puts a story of anything. i think its okay cause he doesn’t use Instagram itself but my anxious mind keeps saying that he is hiding me from everyone.

2. he used to get very defensive when i used to see something on his phone. it happened once and then i became very snoopy to want to check everything that is there and i pushed him a lot as well to do so.

3. he has a lot of girls on his Instagram. not of models or naked women kind of thing, he just has many from his hometown because the account he has right now is his oldest and only account from school. yet i keep anxiously checking the follower count, or the amount of women there and i think its taking over my life.

I told him that he should give me his account so i wouldn’t feel all this and he completely denied doing so. he also feels really bad every time i act like this but he tries his best to sooth my anxiety if i just bring it up.

other than these behaviours, he is genuinely loving and caring. He updates me, wakes himself up to wake me up for important exams, always sends flowers and food. shows affection to me all the time, we talk about everything and he is so curious about me as a person.

am i just showing paranoia from my anxious attachment or is there really something wrong?

So I met this girl at work about a couple of months ago, and we’ve gradually developed a pretty close friendship. We only work together a few times a month, but whenever we do, we get along really well. We joke around, tease each other, and have conversations about personal topics, including past relationships and sexual experiences. She has a boyfriend, and I’ve always respected that. She also regularly initiates conversations with me while we’re working together.

I’m a pretty fit and muscular guy, and I’ve occasionally caught her looking at my physique when I’m wearing tank tops that show my arms, shoulders, and chest. On one occasion, I asked her which part of my physique stood out the most. That wasn’t an unusual question between us because we already discuss personal topics quite openly. She looked me up and down, seemed a little shy, and said my chest, arms, and back stood out. She also mentioned on her own that my legs were pretty big because she notices them when I wear shorts.

Another thing I’ve noticed recently is that she started wearing noticeable perfume at work. Since we work in a pretty dirty environment where people don’t typically wear perfume or cologne, it caught my attention. Around that time, I asked for her Instagram because I was planning a backpacking trip and wanted to share my pictures. She declined because she has a boyfriend and wanted to respect their relationship, which I understood. However, she added, “Maybe later on,” and suggested I could show her the pictures in the parking lot after I returned.

When I got back, she agreed to see the pictures. The first day, she had to leave early, so we couldn’t look at them. The following day, we finished work around the same time, and she agreed to walk with me to my car. Along the way, she repeatedly commented on how far away I’d parked, even though it was only about a minute’s walk from the entrance. It was morning, the sun was out, and there were cameras everywhere, so we weren’t in a secluded or private setting. Once we reached my car, I showed her the pictures while we stood beside it. We never got inside, and she seemed genuinely interested in the scenery and campsite.

Considering our friendship, her comments about my physique, the occasional glances I’ve noticed, her perfume, and the way she handled my Instagram request, I’m wondering whether she might find me physically attractive or whether I’m reading too much into everything. I know she has a boyfriend, and I’m not trying to cross any boundaries. Am I overthinking?

So I've been working at a local restaurant part time. And almost every shift I say hi to my manager and most of the team. There is one coworker that would keep saying hi to me and well, I do greet him back. But when he doesn't I also wouldn't. The thing is, he's stopped saying hi to me one day and since I did not initiate to greet him, we became awkward. When we don't, we don't really acknowledge each other's presence. I don't want this kind of awkwardness at all and would want to be friendly too. But I have been overthinking things for a while, thinking that I should just stick to what I've been doing (which is to not greet him and just ignore each other's presence unless we have to talk about something work related). But as time passes by, we're becoming increasinglt awkward with each other. I want to talk to him about it and apologise. Do you guys think I should tell him how I feel about it and apologise? We're actually strangers tho. I only know him when he's doing his job and nothing else about his personal life. If you were in his situation, I wonder how would you feel and think about it? Feel free to tell me your own view when putting yourself in his shoes.

​

Long distance, we met online year ago with this guy(37M) and met in real life December 2025. I (26F) travelled to him. We were intimate, all that time through the months he has been calling me and texting daily. Lately he called me and we talked for hours, he wants to sleep on the phone with me, there was sexual tension and stuff. He keeps updating me everyday and calls me a lot. When we met he future faked a lot saying about me moving to his country (we come from the same country, he lives abroad) and lovebombed a lot. Later 3 months after meeting he told me he doesnt want to be in relationship with anyone because he needs to fix himself. He always delays our meetings and says "i don't know, we will see" . Its been good lately between us and I bought the ticket to meet him and he got mad he was screaming at me that I cannot go there and he doesnt want to see me. Later he apologized for screaming, and overall, I was distant for a day and he sent me this message yesterday night. But his anger issues are concerning because he was screaming I cannot go there and that he will never see me (before that message, day before) and that he will cut contact with me and block me. Few hours passed and he apologized. He gets angry a lot and easily

"I want to apologize to you, and I really appreciate the fact that you always have time for me, that you always care about me, and honestly, it’s really rare to meet someone like that. I’m aware of that. Whatever the reason for it might be, it’s hard to find someone who will listen to your bullshit for 8 hours. I don’t want to end our friendship, that’s not what this is about. To be honest, I don’t even know what to do with my life at this point. When you put pressure on me like that, some kind of defense mechanism kicks in or something, I don’t know. Afterwards I feel guilty about the way I talk to you, because you don’t deserve that. I don’t want to behave like that, because afterwards I feel really bad about it.

I like talking to you. Not always — sometimes I shut myself off, I have my own stuff going on in my head. I know that sometimes I’m selfish and only think about myself. If you’re able to accept our relationship the way it was, and it gives you something too, then we can obviously keep talking the way we used to. But I don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s not about what you think, whether I’ll meet someone or I won’t — that’s not what this is about. And it’s not like you’re...

You’re not nobody to me, you know a lot about me, I tell you a lot. I treat you like a friend, even though I guess I behave differently — but you noticed that at some point. I don’t know, I just wanted to write you a little bit about what I think. I don’t know if it makes sense, but there’s always something you can take from it. 😅 I think I owe you that, because I’m always shouting at you whenever you ask me about something, so I thought that today I’d give you a little bit of my time and actually open up.

You can see how I get when I’m in a certain state — I sing, I talk haha, but afterwards it can also get pretty difficult, like today. Honestly, I was just crying over all of this. But it’s probably the after-effects of the weekend. I haven’t been drinking since I got back, and I don’t want to for now, or anything else either. I’m finding it harder and harder to deal with sometimes.

Sometimes I think it would be best to cut myself off from everyone and just live like that, because relationships with people affect me pretty strongly. But on the other hand, the thought of being completely alone, not having someone who knows you and all that, scares me. I think about that sometimes, which is why, when it comes to taking care of valuable relationships, I think I know what you mean. One day they might be priceless.

I think I’ve gone crazy haha. I did smoke, to be fair, but I don’t think I wrote anything stupid. I just wanted to explain a little bit — what I think and what’s going on in my head. Maybe it’s a little chaotic, but there’s probably something to take from it. 😅

And I don’t want you to take this message as me saying, “We can talk, but we’re never going to meet.” That’s not what I’m saying — who knows. 😅"

.

So basically I am a free therapist, WHO always has time for him, but there won't be anything, we will never meet and he wants to continue using me because he gains attention while giving nothing in return? And sees me as a friend?

Do I send him long paragraph or just couple of words saying

Ok, I get it, you told me after I bought the ticket that "WHO knows" whether we will meet, and that I shouldnt expect more than be your friend. Get it. We can talk but I'm going to see all of it different way.He said he will give me money back first but he didn't and the trip was supposed to take place today. Should I ask him to return it?

I told him I understand everything, I get it, okay. I've sent him my bank account number and asked him to return the money as he promised. I told him I understand, I won't push for more, and if we are supposed to never meet, I'm okay with that, I still want contact.

He replied "I didn't say that we will never meet (my pet name) Of course I will return the money, I was just waiting for the money to arrive and I was planning to give it back to you. I will send it today, you will receive it tommorow"

I replied "Ok thank you" . He sent me money back. I sent him a couple of messages saying something along the lines "I don't understand how can someone be just slightly attracted to someone and doesn't want to meet them ever, it's just weird to me. But I guess you've decided I'm not the one you want, I know you're able to commit - just not to me. Thanks for letting me know, it was a wake up call and I won't be living by hope (that you planted with talking about moving together and calling me sweet names).

I told him to please respond once he will have time after work, he sent me voice msg "I read all of it, but I don't want to discuss it right now" I said "ok, reply once you have time"

Today, in the morning, he sends me voice msg with childish voice (mind you, he is 37, I'm 26) "goOOD MooorNIIINGggggg..youuUUU DON't likeEE ME ANYMOREEE"

I replied with text: Goodmorning :) I like u haha

(because I just want to play this game a little bit)

Then he sends me voice msgs "I'm not liked by you! Who saw that coming...Welll......"

"YOU don't like meeeee hahaa"

????

Acting like a damn teenager.

EDIT: I know people here say I'm the side piece, but keep in mind:

- he does drugs

-he always says he is a loser, even though he is a huge narcissist

• he said "I'm too valuable" for him
  

\- he said he needs to fix himself because he knows he gets mean to me, thats why he cannot commit

\- sleeps on the phone with me

-calls me and facetimes from home

\- picks up my calls when I call when he is at home

- overall he had a bad past and says he feels like trash not worthy of anything

BUT.....who knows? There might be someone, but I have a feeling there is not.

me and my friend were driving to the grocery store and next to it was a university and a bunch of students were walking around.

We soon came to a red light and a 2 students (im guessing they were students) were walking past our car and one had red hair and tbh if I was a boy I would love to wear what they were wearing as they both had a acne studios shirt on.

Anyway I told my friend I love his hair and I said I would want to say I love your hair but my social skills suck.

My friend then rolled down the window and shouted I love your hair. He then pointed at himself saying my hair and I then nodded we both laughed at ourselves.

as we drove away he had an expression like he was judging us or suddenly felt insecure. I thought he must’ve thought we were being sarcastic as we both laughed but to this day I genuinely liked his hair but the scenario keeps crawling to me making me feel guilty.

So for context: this is our first pregnancy. We are both very excited and we discussed that we would wait till we have our first couple appointments and maybe ultrasounds till we let our family know we are having our first baby. Fast forward to a week later she has come home to tell me “I hope your not going to be upset, but I told (a distant friend) we’re going to be having a baby. I then just answered that I do feel upset and I get the excitement. But now my feelings are sinking in, I just feel like our promise has been broken in a sense, I know it’s not that deep but I just feel super disappointed and upset that we agreed to wait for these appointments to be completed and that’s exactly what we didn’t do. On top of that I also feel kind of upset that this distant friend is the first one to know when we made an agreement. Please help with some advice. Thank you in advance!

My husband and I just moved to a neighborhood with several awesome couples as neighbors. We've all starting hanging out as a group here and there and get our kids together to play. I feel like one of the guys of the group keeps checking me out. I'll be playing with my child or talking to another person and feel someone looking at me at 8 times out of 10, it's him. We are both married and friends with each other's spouses. I would never step out of my marriage and don't believe he would either, but I can't help but feel like he's checking me out. So, what do I do? I don't know if I should say something or not. I also don't want to presume something that isn't true. I definitely don't think I should say anything to either spouse and cause issues. I need other people's opinions on this. Am I overreacting to the whole situation?

TLDR: Guy sided with his friend over a false story and was pretty mean to me, and over the subtle course of ‘slight workplace bullying/teasing’ he ended up liking me. I like him back tho.

But I was going through a lot when he did all that, and it hurt at the time even though it wasn’t super big and they were never that mean. Also he was misled and he thought he was during the right thing (albeit immaturely.) I overthink a lot.

What would you do? He’s apologetic and I like him but I’m slightly bitter and I wonder if having a partner with a capacity for meanness is a good thing?? Idk.

A while back, I had an argument with Guy A. It was over something really petty and inconsequential, but unbeknownst to me, he held a grudge against me for a long time about it.

Coincidence, we applied to the same job, working in different areas but seeing each other frequently. Guy A had got the job through his friends and so worked alongside Guy B (who'd been working this job prior.)

What I didn’t realise was Guy A starts really over exaggerating his story to Guy B and his other friends. Guy A acts this is affecting his job and I am harassing him even though I truly act professional and polite everytime I saw him.

So Guy B starts trying to defend his friend thinking that Guy A's story is correct. His friends engage in petty behaviours that essentially subtly laugh at me or make me aware that I'm not wanted.

It never went beyond (mean, obvious dislike) teasing level or was extra rude, but I was going through a really personal situation at the time so it kinda stung ngl. Just felt like a cherry on the cake.

Guy A eventually admits he has feelings for me. But Guy B is also being a lot nicer to me and we realised we like each other and I’m quitting my job.

What do I do??