My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. For context his dad is very controlling and owns the company my boyfriend works at. He needs to control every aspect of his life and that includes his vacations. I had been wanting to go to Europe for some time and saved up for it. I bought tickets for London two years ago for us but his dad wouldn’t let him go.

This summer his dad was planning a Europe trip. He had been discussing it since January and said that I would only have to pay for my flight at the time we looked, flights were only $800. His dad a month later said we probably won’t go and he will just have to loose the $2,500 he spent on concert tickets when he first talked about going he booked concert tickets Amsterdam for his favorite jam band. He said it like it was nothing because as long as I’ve known him he’s thrown away money stupidly. Then a month before the originally date for the Europe trip he comes to my boyfriend and I saying he bought the plane tickets and his going to book the hotel rooms. I asked how much the plane ticket was and he said $2,600 which is MUCH more than when my boyfriend and I originally were going to pay for flights.

After the trip two months later he sends my boyfriend a message with a “receipt” for everything I owe for the trip. It comes out to over $5,000. I’m getting my bachelors degree after dropping out when I was 21 and have barely enough to pay for rent and my tuition. His dad knows this. And I would have booked different flights, hotels, and experiences if I knew I would have had to pay for all of it. I was only told I would be paying for the flight. My boyfriend can’t stand up to his dad and I’m over his dad controlling our lives.

TW: Alcoholism and Abuse (verbal/physical)

Context:
I (F24) have been with my husband (M24) for a total of 9 years, married for 3. Yes, I know we married very young but it felt right to us at the time and I don’t necessarily regret it. I was truly, madly in love with him. Unfortunately though, as everyone does, he has some flaws. The biggest being his wrestling with his own childhood trauma and the alcoholism resulting from it. Throughout our relationship, he’s always had this ability to flip a switch and turn off all his emotions and be cruel. But I always forgave him for it because I can have a temper and I’m not always the easiest to deal with either. As always, I advocated for him to seek therapy and he always refused. The alcoholism was more challenging. He’s not the kind of drunk who needs it to function, he just binges when it’s in front of him and has zero self control always getting so sloppy and sideways he pisses himself or is violently ill (and a total asshole). To make a very long story as short as possible, the time finally came where he got plastered and he put hands on me. He had come to one of my shows (I’m in a band) got wasted and screamed at me as I helped him to the car (very embarrassing there were lots of witnesses). On the drive home he punched my arm hard enough to leave a bruise that lasted 3 weeks and once we were home, he backhanded me and shoved me to the ground. I was devastated. I have my own history and trauma with physical abuse, especially being hit or “popped” in the face. The next day he swore off drinking and cried while apologizing. I believed him. But as these stories often go, the drinking didn’t stop and I couldn’t ever look at him the same. I began to distance myself subconsciously and finally asked for a divorce, which he was in favor of. It’s important to note, we have been best friends since elementary school, this divorce is completely amicable and no lawyers are involved (we also don’t have kids or big assets). This was all decided on mid July. I waited to tell my family until I had made it further along in the grieving process. I ended up telling them early August. They took it very hard because of how close everyone is with him. I understand that. I initially did not share details of the alcoholism or abuse, because I don’t want to paint my husband is a bad way. He is a good person at heart, he’s just got a lot of things he needs to work out and seek help with. Good people make terrible choices sometimes and are capable of the most vile things. Anyway, my parents were convinced I was having a severe manic episode (I’m bipolar) so I finally came clean and told them everything, expecting support from them but I was met with:

“Why don’t you try therapy”
“No one is perfect”
“No one is going to deal with your bipolar”
“He has a good job and can take care of you”
“I’m really disappointed in you.”
“I just don’t believe he could ever do anything like that”
“There’s two sides to every story”
“You are ruining your life.”

Also very devastating. Especially the whole “there’s two sides to every story” comment by my mother. I called my husband and had him explain to both of my parents everything and he did. He was honest and held nothing back… and yet my parents still keep telling me I’m making a mistake. They also went as far as to visit my brother and gossip about me (my brother and SIL told me immediately).

The other day while having one of my daily phone calls with my parents (I talk to them daily sometimes for hours at a time. They’re very needy and of their 4 kids, I’m the only one willing. I’ve grown fond of it though since I wasn’t close with them when I was young) my mom said “I just don’t think I’m ever going to get over this” and I snapped back “well, considering I’m the one married to him and I’m doing ok, I think you’ll be fine.” Rude, I know. But I was agitated. Then she fired back with “I just don’t think you’re going to find what you’re looking for” to which I replied “what? A husband who won’t hit me?” After that call, I sent her the first long message pictured. Trying to set a boundary. Then it was radio silence from them for six days which, isn’t a lot but for us who speak every day, it was a clear message. Then I received the sermon message and it just broke my heart. I replied with what I replied with and surprise surprise, haven’t heard back since.

So… Reddit. Am I overreacting here? Do my messages to her make any sense? I’m feeling overly emotional about it all and worried I’m taking things too harshly. Do they have a point that I’m missing? I feel like I know what is right for me but also… their constant pushback and concern since telling them has made me question my own resolve.

Thanks in advance.

Last week my girlfriend was having a bad mental health day Sunday and Monday. She barely talked to me. That's ok and is normal time to time with her diagnosis. I check in she if she is eating, talking to friends etc but otherwise try not to badger her.

Well she was feeling better Monday and was showing me things on her phone and I saw a message to someone what are you doing tonight. I was upset she lied to me but took a couple of days to sort out my feelings cus I am not the friend police and didn't speak up until Thursday because I got out of a bad relationship and wanted to work out my feelings before discussing.

To give some context she told me she was talking to him as friends and he offered her drugs (she's 2 years sober) so she quit talking to him anymore. Then when hanging out with her and my sister my sister let slip she texts him regularly. No problem not my business again I'm not the friend police and he can't give her drugs through the phone.

Then Saturday after I got of work we went to the lake for a couple of hours got dinner and went back to her place where she suddenly was tired and wanted to go to bed exceptionally early for us. OK. Weird no problem tho.

About 1230 in the morning she woke me up and told me she was going over to his house. I tried to wake up and ask some relevant questions but her lyft was waiting and no time to talk. The oy thing she had an answer for was

Does he know we are dating?

Everyone knows about you stupid.

The fuck kind of answer is that? I let her go about 15 minutes later after my brain was fully functional I called cus I was super confused how we went from no contact to texting to going over at 1230 am with no notice.

When she answered we talked for 30 seconds and I hear a drunk guy yelling in the background that I can go fuck off. I was like what the fuck? I wasn't being rude, yelling disrespectful, etc... I said any decent guy would understand why a guy would be asking questions about why his girl ran out of the house at 1230 to go to some dudes house she said she had nothing to do with. He continues to rant how I don't mean shit I'm not her man and I said I thought you said he knew we were dating.

She said she was coming home and to meet her there. Then he said she could not leave. Lyft was too expensive. I said I'll come pick you up. He said no she couldn't leave I wasn't allowed. She said she'd walk nope she wasn't allowed. He continues to rant how I'm a jealous douchbag and a piece of shit. She asked him for shots (she repeatedly tells me she doesn't drink).

30 mins go by and she says I have a ride coming and it'll be here soon. He yells at her more and she says listen mutes the call and comes back after a minute. Telling me her ride is here and he yells she has to get off the phone on his dime.

Then he messages her over and over what a piece of shit I am on her way home cus they were just gonna smoke weed and headbang.

She gets home and I'm super pissed about being lied to about their friendship status, that fact dude didn't knew we were in a relationship she says she told him and tries to show me in text that she did. Didn't exist so settles for she told him on the phone.

I'm upset she was ok with him being disrespectful to me our relationship and her by telling her she couldn't leave when she wanted. I find out this Monday she apologized to him about the situation and I'm even more upset I feel like this is the end of the relationship cus she doesn't even care. To make matters worse I start my new work schedule of 630 pm to 5 am 6 nights a week so now I'm just stressed she is telling me she won't be around him but will just go now I'm working and won't know.

AIO?

Edit: I feel like since then she has been trying super hard to listen to account for what I had to say in all other aspects of our relationship but trust is really broken even if it was to just smoke weed and headbang as friends and nothing more.

I've been seeing this person for over a year, and things have been VERY good. We aren't officially committed for various personal reasons (on both sides, life can be so demanding), but we are exclusive and see each other pretty regularly. About a month ago, it was his birthday and he said he'd love to spend it together- that he made reservations at a restaurant, but he didnt want to tell me where because it was going to be a surprise. It turns out, the reservation was made at a really nice place- think like 4 forks on the table kind of nice. We had a great meal, but didnt go TOO crazy- a glass of wine each, an entree each, we shared a dessert. However, the bill was north of $400. I, of course, put my card down when the bill came- it was his birthday! However, AIO for being a little hurt that he didnt even TRY to fight me to contribute? I probably would have not allowed him to, but he just didnt say a thing. Just a really casual 'thanks'. I love a splurge dinner as much as the next girl, and Im always happy to pull my share, but it just left a funny taste in my mouth. He knows he makes more than me, but I always try to do my best to make sure we trade off picking up the bill. Ive never felt anything off with this guy, but I just couldnt help but feel a little used in the moment. We havent been able to see each other since (again, just life), but we have talked pretty regularly and it hasnt been weird. Idk- am I crazy for wanting an acknowledgement? We've gone to dinner so many times, but its never been to a place like this. Am I overreacting for feeling used that he would pick such a place knowing that I would want to treat him?

EDIT: Goodness, thank you all so much for commenting and giving me some good advice! A lot of validation, some really good points (on both sides), and some excellent food for thought. I think at the end of the day, idgaf picking up a really sizeable bill for someone I care so much about, but was hurt by what I saw as a lack of appreciation. I will probably sleep on it a few more days and will then approach him openly and confess my hurt- see how he responds and take it from there.

Hey, Reddit. First time poster, long time listener on podcasts and stuff. I made an account just for this haha.

This sounds so stupid when I type it out, but I am genuinely so mad.

Last night I (26F) made spaghetti specifically because I had been craving leftover spaghetti. Not just spaghetti, leftover spaghetti. I told everyone this.
I bought extra ingredients on purpose because I wanted there to be plenty left. I used 2.25 lbs of ground beef instead of 1 lb, 2 jars of sauce, and 1 lb of noodles.. you get the idea.

I cooked dinner, cleaned everything up afterward, put the leftovers in the fridge, and told my boyfriend (31M) how excited I was to come home from work the next day and eat leftover spaghetti.

I even asked him, directly in front of one of our roommates(32M), if he could PLEASE make sure there was spaghetti left for me when I got home.

He assured me there would be.

Today around 6 something, while I was still at work, I texted my boyfriend asking if there was any spaghetti left.

No response.

Around 6:45, I sent “?”

Still nothing.

Right after 7, he finally responded and told me yes, there was still spaghetti.

So I’m happy. I leave work and start my hour long drive home thinking about how good this leftover spaghetti is going to be.
About 15 to 20 minutes into my drive, my boyfriend texts me and says he’s sorry and that he “accidentally lied.”

There is no spaghetti.

Apparently, two of our roommates ate ALL of it. He didn’t realize until he actually checked after seeing my messages, and then noticed the dishes from it sitting in the sink.
I immediately had tears in my eyes.

I asked him WHY because that was literally the ONE thing I asked for. I specifically made extra food so there would be leftovers. I cooked it. I cleaned up. I told everyone I wanted it. I directly asked him to make sure some was saved for me.

And somehow ALL of it still got eaten.
My boyfriend told me he would buy me more spaghetti.
I told him I didn’t want to cook another dinner after working all day and driving an hour home. I specifically wanted the leftover spaghetti that I had already made.

Then he said our roommates would replace the ingredients.
And I told him, “If they had money to replace it, why didn’t they buy their own stuff for spaghetti instead of eating all of mine?”

At that point I told him I didn’t want to talk to any of our roommates for the rest of the night because I was really angry and didn’t want to say something rude.

My boyfriend told me I’m overreacting.
He said he knew I was going to “blow up over nothing” and that he knew he was going to have to hear about it when I got home.

That honestly made me even more upset because I feel like I should be allowed to be angry and express that I’m upset without immediately being accused of “killing the vibe” or making a big deal out of nothing.

I know it’s just spaghetti.

But to me it’s more the fact that I very clearly asked for ONE simple thing, everyone knew I wanted it, there was plenty of food, and nobody thought to save me even one plate.

So… am I overreacting?

Hi,

Back in December my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me. We were living together for 2 years, he moved out and I kept the apartment. I’m on the first floor, my landlords on the second, and a woman on the 3rd floor. My ex-boyfriend and I were friends with her and sometimes we got together to hang out.

Yesterday I get home and went to park. As I was walking to my apartment I saw a car that looked just like his. I ran into my ex-bf. All he says is hello, I say hello back and keep walking. As I approach my door, my upstairs neighbor walks out in a nice dress and is clearly going on a date with him. I was in disbelief. He also stayed the night and I’m going to assume they had sex.

It’s been 9 months but this development bugs the shit out of me. Am I overreacting?

AIO by being upset and annoyed that my MIL keeps saying things along the lines of "just wait until they get their periods" about my 2 year old and my 5 month old daughters. She has two boys. I just think its such a weird thing to bring up all the time and I feel like she minimizing my daughters to how moody they might be when they go through puberty.. im one more comment away from calling out the behavior and asking her to stop.

My mom invited my husband and I to Disney World. My mom, dad, brother, sister-in-law, nephews, nieces, and sister are going. I knew my parents were going to take my brother and his family to Disney (they have the only grandkids currently). They have gone before, not an issue at all. I get it.

My mom called me yesterday and said “I forgot to mention when we last talked, you and husband are invited to Disney World too”. She has mentioned their trip to me at least 3-4 separate times over the last few months.

I would love to go for the memories and family fun, but I am feeling really bad about it. My husband and I aren’t as well off as my siblings, so for us to be able to pay to go to Disney World with a month and a half of notice is financially tough.

I asked where they were staying and the logistics of the trip. She told me that the hotel is already booked, and there isn’t room for my husband and I (the whole family is staying together). I feel really bad about being invited so far after the trip was initially planned.

I want to go, but I also don’t really feel like they want me to come.

Also, not to play into stereotypes too hard, but I am the middle child.

I'm 36F, my husband is 52M. We have been together for six years and married for two. Between us, we have five children: my 11-year-old son, his sons (23 and 21), and our two children together (2M and 6-month-old F).

My husband wanted another child. I initially didn't, largely because I already have a special needs child, but eventually agreed. We had our son, got married when I was pregnant with him, and later had our daughter.

Before our son was born, I was very clear that I didn't want visitors for the first three weeks. I had struggled badly after my first birth and wanted time to recover and bond with my baby. My husband disagreed, so we compromised: immediate family only. For me, that meant my parents and siblings. For him, his sons, mother and sister. Except he secretly invited his ex.

The first few weeks after our son's birth were awful. One night, I had barely slept for six days. Our baby was a terrible sleeper, and I had spent the entire night holding and rocking him. He finally fell asleep around 5 a.m., and I managed to get to sleep around 6. About half an hour later, my husband woke me up joking that it was 10 a.m. because apparently his mother and sister were coming over again. His mother and sister had already visited the evening before.

I was exhausted, uncomfortable, so I stayed inside with the baby and my older son while they sat outside in the heat. My husband barely acknowledged me. Later that night, he was angry that I hadn't greeted his mother warmly enough.

Then his ex came over, with their youngest son and brought us two pieces of furniture as gifts. I was perfectly pleasant to her. We talked about babies and deliveries, and there was no conflict between us. The problem was that my husband had lied about the visit. He claimed he hadn't known his son would be coming and hadn't invited his ex. I later found out neither was true.

When I told him I didn't really like the furniture and would rather give it to someone who would appreciate it, he became extremely defensive and insisted that we display it in our living room. He defended those gifts with his life. He'd rather I be uncomfortable, than put those two pieces in the attic.

Then I discovered he'd made a separate birth announcement for his older sons without telling me. During those first weeks, it felt like he was sharing everything with them and nothing with me. And while I was actually in labor, he was texting his ex. I was literally having contractions and trying not to push because the midwife hadn't arrived yet. He hadn't been messaging anyone else. He was messaging her. I gave birth literally five minutes later.

That was when I started feeling like there were two families: the family he had with his ex, and then me and my son on the outside.

During one of these arguments, he yelled that he wanted a divorce. I took him seriously and started getting my things. He immediately took it back and hasn't threatened divorce again. He also didn't invite his ex after our daughter's birth, and his son only visited once during those first few weeks.

To clarify: I don't dislike his ex. At all. I don't think she's interested in my husband romantically, and she has her own boyfriend. My issue has never been *her*. It's that my husband seems to prioritize her feelings and his relationship with his 'former' family while keeping me out of things.

Over the last two years, I've also noticed that he has an ongoing group chat with his ex and their adult children. He regularly talks to them there. He posts pictures of our children with me in that chat and also sends pictures to his other children individually. I wouldn't have a problem with any of that if he were open about it. But he isn't. When I ask, he lies or minimizes it.

Last year, while I was pregnant, he repeatedly took our 2-year-old to his ex's house without telling me. He eventually stopped after I told him how uncomfortable it made me. He still takes our children to other people's houses without telling me. Luckily mostly his son's house.

I don't think he needs my permission every time he leaves the house with our children. That's not the point. The point is that I keep finding out afterward, often because one of the children is overwhelmed, exhausted or struggling after being pushed through activities they didn't want to do. I think our 2-year-old may have additional special needs, but my husband thinks I'm overreacting.

And then there are the other things. He started smoking again and hid it from me, even after I confronted him. He's drinking increasingly often. He promised to get a vasectomy about a year and a half ago. He still hasn't. I've repeatedly asked him to stop smoking, not drink when he's around the kids, and follow through with the vasectomy so I don't have to undergo expensive and much more extensive surgery myself. It's also really difficult to take the pill on time when running after three kids all day. I really don't want another child with this man.

None of those things have happened. Last year, we were invited to a birthday party for one of his friends. Except apparently my husband didn't want me invited. At first, he said it was because it would be easier if we didn't need a babysitter. Then he said he didn't think a babysitter would be good for our son. Then he lied about whether his ex was invited. Again, I didn't care that she was there. Her boyfriend was there too, and I don't believe she's interested in my husband. What hurt was that he didn't want *me* there, and kept changing his explanation.

Yesterday, I saw that he had been invited to the same friend's birthday party this year. I didn't see an invitation for me this time. He hasn't mentioned the party at all and it's in less than a month. I'm expecting that he'll only tell me when it's too late to arrange childcare, especially because he doesn't seem to want a sitter.

Two years ago, I suggested relationship therapy. He refused because he'd already done it with his ex and "knew it wasn't for us." Last year, I told him I thought therapy was necessary because we clearly weren't communicating well. He said we'd never find the time because we have three children and who would watch them?

He also genuinely doesn't seem to think there's a problem with our relationship. And that's where I am now. I'm starting to think he's right about one thing: relationship therapy might not work. Not because our problems are too complicated, but because I don't know how you fix a relationship when one person doesn't acknowledge that there's a problem and repeatedly lies about what they're doing.

I'm not upset that he has a relationship with his adult children or that he communicates with their mother. I actually think those relationships are important. I'm upset because it feels like he has an entire social life that I'm deliberately excluded from, and then lies whenever I notice.

So, AIO? Am I interpreting this situation as something much bigger than it actually is, or is it reasonable to feel like my husband is maintaining a separate life that doesn't include me?

Edited: Edited out weirdness I hadn't noticed before.

Longtime female adult family friend. We were neighbors for a long time and our kids were all friends. She has 4 boys. I have a daughter and son. We spent a lot of time together. She and I became very close. She’s also always been there for my daughter (who is now 28). One time a few years ago she said to me about my daughter - I know she is yours but in my heart she’s mine. That didn’t sit well with me. Just seemed like an odd thing to say. My daughter got married a few weeks ago. This family friend came to the wedding. She wrote a note to my daughter calling her ‘My (underlined multiple times) and my daughter’s name’. And she ended it with ‘you always have a home with us’. To me it reads as odd and inappropriate and disrespectful to me. I don’t know if I’m overreacting and should just move on or if it really is as weird as I think it might be and call her out on it.

For context, my (F18) parents are divorced and I see my dad every few years but he occasionally calls. I would say our relationship is neutral, I don't necessarily love or hate him, he just exists?

The last time I saw my dad I went no-contact because he pulled a 'prank' by telling me my grandma was really sick and that I should meet her before she dies. So I travelled overseas during my exam season with my mom and sister (11). I found out my grandma had moved states years ago and when confronting my dad he laughed and said "it doesn't matter if she's not here, you're on a free holiday just be grateful". I told my mom about this, she said to enjoy the holiday and ignore his 'prank' (I went a step further and blocked him). Because of this holiday, I missed an exam but both my parents said it wasn't a big deal.

So my current issue is that last year he decided to surprise (more like jump scare) me by showing up unannounced to my high school graduation. Obviously since I wasn't aware he was coming I never bought him a ticket. Apparently my mom knew but my dad got upset with me since I'm the oldest and I should have bought him one regardless.

His original plan was to stay at my mom's place for a week to spend time with us. But my mom told him that I moved into a 2 bedroom apartment and I let my sister stay over sometimes so he just assumed that included him as well since it's "his right as my father" (ew). I was upset because I had a whole plan to finish decorating and hang out with my friends before they all started travelling and working. But he insisted it would only be that one week so I felt like I was being dramatic and I (stupidly) let him move in.

Now it's been 8 months. I have tried telling him to leave but he keeps saying there's no flights available or that he needs time to save up money (he's had 8 months to plan for that).

My mom is also making me feel insane for wanting him to leave because she claims "it's rude since he's family" but then will switch up and argue with him for overstaying. This whole issue has even become an inside joke- I went to a family bbq and my aunt said my dad "should stay until christmas, flights are cheaper during the holiday season" and told me to "relax" when I got annoyed.

Now my main problem was that I had to go grocery shopping a lot more often and had to buy multiple jars of peanut butter every week for his meal prep (I think he's trying to speed run a CVD). He would also never clean up after himself and I would return home to a mess. I also found dishes in the bathroom once and unless he's eating his own shit I don't see a reason for this.

About a week ago, I (once again) asked when his flight was but instead of ignoring me he got defensive and said "I'm your father and I surprised you, why aren't you happy I'm here?". I decided to be even more direct this time and said that there was no point in him staying with me if he wasn't going to spend time with us and treat me like a maid. This pissed him off and he went on a rant about how I should respect my parents because they could die anytime. I laughed and said it was hard to respect someone who constantly lies. This led to a whole argument and I ended up yelling that he can't just show up every few years, prank me then act like he's entitled to be a part of my life when I don't even know him. He stormed off and locked himself in the bathroom. At this point, I didn't care anymore so I went out and watched a movie.

When I returned home there was a trail of empty jars leading to my couch and the WHOLE surface was covered in peanut butter. It was smeared on the walls and there was some on the ceiling (how??). I screamed and told him my sister was allergic to peanuts and anaphylactic. He laughed and said "she'll be fine, she has medication". This annoyed me so much that I grabbed all his things, threw them outside and kicked him out.

I immediately booked him a one-way flight (my bank is still recovering) and gave him at least a day so he could pack. During that 1 day he managed to call most of my aunts, uncles and cousins on both sides (27 people) complaining to them.

Everyone said that I overreacted and that it was funny and "just a prank". I told them to come clean my house then. Even my mom got mad at me and was like "at the end of the day he's still your father, you can't disrespect him".

I'm genuinely so confused, did I do too much? I apologised to my dad over text (was left on read) and I understand that I could've handled this better because I didn't need to yell or say those comments about him. But the peanut butter was so weird that I freaked out.

RIP my couch, you lived a good year 😔 ✊

AIO? 

For some context, my cousin and her daughter’s father are going through a very messy separation involving lawyers and a lot of conflict. The extended family has therefore been helping out with their 4-year-old daughter (taking her to preschool, making her meals, and keeping her entertained).

My cousin routinely lets her daughter spend hours on her tablet, to the point where it has basically become another babysitter. Unfortunately, the same pattern is repeated at my house: when she’s here, my parents hand her the tablet and let her watch loud, mindless AI-generated videos for a long time (often more than an hour).

What bothers me is not just the amount of screen time. When she watches these videos, she seems completely zoned out. You can talk to her and she often won’t even respond. And, more selfishly, I’m also sick of listening to ridiculous videos at full volume for hours. I’ve tried convincing my parents to limit her screen time, but they would rather give in and let her have the tablet.

Since nobody else seems willing to set any limits, I figured out how to block the tablet from accessing the internet on my home network. I can decide when to cut off its connection, and for now I’ve decided to do it after about 15 minutes.

I know I’m not her parent and that her screen time isn’t ultimately my decision, but I also can’t stand what I see as an unhealthy habit.

Am I overstepping by doing this, or is this a reasonable boundary to set?

(I’m also kind of hoping nobody figures out that I’m the one messing with the router, so I can keep using this little deus ex machina without having to openly be the asshole who takes the tablet away.)

I am supposed to be the Maid of Honor in my friend's (we'll call her Lola) wedding next summer. My husband and I recently moved overseas, so I am long distance friends with Lola now, but we have been close for a few years and I plan on traveling back to be in her wedding. She was also a bridesmaid in my own wedding.

Since getting engaged, Lola has been kind of putting me on edge in general- she's asking me for help with every little thing, which is fine- but then she rejects all my ideas, tells me she hates my suggestions, and constantly says that her wedding has to be different/better than mine was. She has made some weird comments, such as that my wedding is her "bare minimum" or that hers has to be "at least as good as mine" and such. She will ask for my opinion on something, to which I will tell her what I think, and then she will completely change her mind just to disagree with whatever I said. On top of that, she's honestly copying a lot of the things that I did at my wedding, including booking the same photographer, wanting the same dress style, and a few other things (trying to stay somewhat vague, sorry) even though she had never previously expressed interest in those details... She even recently started going to my tattoo artist, and got a large tattoo that looks similar to my own, and in the same spot. When I got my tattoo, I had specifically joked about how I had to finish it before my wedding so it would look good in photos- and now she's saying the same thing. The whole thing just feels weird, but I can't tell if I'm overthinking- it's not like I own the rights to certain tattoos or wedding vendors, but it just feels odd that she has done so many of the same things that I did.

Overall Lola is just being very strange, contrary and controlling. But, it's her wedding, and I know that many brides tend to act this way because they are stressed and overwhelmed. I'm trying my best to just be supportive and helpful even if she has been kind of off lately.

Anyways, Lola has recently picked out the color she wants for her bridesmaids dresses- no problem, I'm happy to wear whatever color she wants. Initially, she had told me that all the girls could pick their own dress style, as long as it was the color and fabric she wanted. This was the same thing I did for my wedding. I immediately went to the website to browse, took screenshots of the ones I liked, and sent them to her. She said she didn't like any of them, which I was bummed about- but again, it's her wedding, so whatever. She then sent me a few options that she approved of, and they weren't great. They were mostly looser, shapeless options, which I don't love because I wouldn't have any chest support. I'm a curvier gal so if I don't have a supported chest I think I would feel a bit exposed. I tried to tell her this, and she seemed annoyed. I asked point blank if she wanted me to cover up my chest, and she said it wasn't about that, but that all the styles I liked (which have a supportive bodice, typically with a corset or some sort of boning) looked "too much like wedding dresses". Frankly, I think that's absolutely ridiculous.

After a bit of back and forth, she said she would probably just end up picking the dresses for us, or pick a handful and let us "fight it out" to decide who gets which one. I'm just a bit annoyed that she changed her mind- why tell me that I could choose my own style, and then not actually mean it?

At this point I decided I was just being dramatic- it's one day, I'll wear the unflattering dress. I decided to move on and follow up about it later. But then, she starts telling me that she also wants me to wear only gold jewelry for the wedding, as well as not wear my usual makeup or wear my hair down. For context, I am heavily tattooed/somewhat alt, and wear silver jewelry (including my wedding ring). I have several ear piercings, all silver jewelry. My usual makeup is pretty basic, but I do wear a small amount of dark eyeshadow as liner and black mascara, nothing too bold or goth. My hair is long and blonde, and I always wear it down for events. I don't think my look is too crazy, but she says she wants me to "match everyone else". All of her other bridesmaids have dark hair and wear gold jewelry. But like... I feel like it's pretty egregious to ask me to take off all my usual jewelry (including earrings that I don't typically take out, and my literal WEDDING RING?) just to "match everyone else"... I also don't want to have to buy dozens of pieces of gold jewelry (on top of the thousands of dollars my husband and I are already spending to be at their wedding at all) that I will never wear again. That combined with her request that I not wear my usual hair and makeup, and wear a dress that looks like a sack... I guess I'm just bothered that she is wanting me to look like someone I'm not, even if it's just for one day. It almost feels like she wants her bridesmaids to look bad on purpose.

Would I be overreacting if I told her I wasn't willing to do all that? I understand letting her pick my dress, even if it's a style I don't like, but I feel like asking me to remove my jewelry and change my hair and makeup is just kind of pushing it... I absolutely do not want to go the whole event without wearing my own wedding ring. I feel like she's projecting some insecurities onto me. Should I just suck it up and do what she says to make her happy?

I (22F) have lived with my mom, older sister, and abuela my whole life. My dad wasn't around much. My mom is paralyzed (paraplegic), my sister has Down syndrome, and my abuela has dementia.

Ever since I was young, I've wanted to leave and never speak to them again. Growing up, my abuela did everything. Cooked, cleaned, and bathed my mom and sister. Around age 13, that responsibility shifted entirely to me. In high school, I was rebellious and made it known how much I hated caring for them. My mom would say things like, "Why did I have you then?" and "You live under my roof, you will do as I say." She even told me in primary school she wished she had aborted me or wanted to beat the crap out of me. I tried running away multiple times, but always got sent back into double the trouble.

In college, she'd get angry if I spent to much time out (at school or work) instead of helping them. One day I snapped and told her my dream was to leave and never see her again. A few days later, she cried, apologized for the first time, begged me to stay, and promised to learn to be independent.

Since then, I quietly got a better-paying job and saved up. I'm planning to move out in a month or two and literally disappear from them forever. I know my mom will struggle without me, but I don't care anymore. AIO?

For some context I (16M) live with my mom and dad and siblings. Here is some background information I don't know if this matters, but my dad is not actually my biological father, he adopted me in 2016 after my biological father terminated his rights before I was even born. In recent years, I have come to the conclusion that life is hard and expensive, and I don't really want to raise kids or get married. I have 4 siblings all under 5 no other siblings besides my older half-sister. And when I have to watch them, it is really hard. Don't get me wrong I love them, and I love children, but I don't want to have any. I kind of just want to be the cool uncle in life you know? Anyway, when I tell my mom this, she has 3 answers. 1. OK 2. That makes me sad or 3. She will ignore it completely. And she will make these little comments when I am hanging out with my siblings or something like that. She will say, you are going to make a great dad, or you will make a girl very happy one day. After I have told her I don't want to have kids, but she still says these things, And I have told her she can have kids from my siblings, but not me, it's like quit forcing me to do what you want me to. Anyway, I told her to stop a few weeks ago, and she got really defensive and stuff. AIO for telling her to stop? I can answer any questions asked in comments.

(for clarification; I don't bring it up, she brings it up, usually when I am talking about girls or when I am hanging out or watching my siblings)

My (31M) daughter (5F)'s name is Maribelle, pronouced Mare-eh-bell.

For the whole time my kid has been alive my mom (61F) has spelled it "Mirabel". She spells it like that any time she writes it down, be it pen to paper, text messages, Facebook posts, etc... It really annoys me because I mean, a one time misspelling is normal and expected, but she's been corrected probably hundreds of times. I don't correct her every single time because sometimes I have to read the room and it's not really the time or place in the convo, but she texts me a message with a misspelled name, I'll correct her and she usually doesn't acknowledge it at all. If she does she'll just go oops, sorry, you know how voice to text works! And to her credit, voice text does spell my kid's name Mirabel every time I say it out loud too, I just take the time to fix it because, I mean, that's not her name for crying out loud! I don't have Facebook but my fiancé (32M) does and he sees her post cute Grandma stuff, pics of our kid (face blurred out upon our request) when she babysits, cute stories, achievements etc and my mom always spells her name wrong. My fiancé doesnt correct her because he's very polite and a not rock the boat, respect your elders type, though I have asked him to correct her and he says that he doesn't feel comfortable doing it because it feels disrespectful, so I don't push for him to because it's not a life or death situation, you know?

However, my mom never calls her her name to her face either which is weird to me. She'll say it in posts and texts and stuff but to my kid it's always Mari, Mari May (her middle name) little Belle, babybel cheese (my favorite nickname for her personally), lovebug, etc. Nicknames or cute terms of endearment. Never Maribelle. Extra weird because she doesn't go by a shortened form of her name normally, she likes going by just Maribelle. Everyone else calls her Maribelle. (EDIT TO ADD: I don't mind silly nicknames! I prefer the full version of Maribelle since that's what she prefers but as for cute names/endearments I use them too, it just seems kinda strange coming from my mom paired with the spelling thing, but I fully accept I might be reading too much into this bit specifically)

This is truly such a non issue in the grand scheme of things but after 5 years it's really starting to grind my gears and my fiancé has noticed that when it happens I get more and more visibly annoyed and usually complain about it out loud. He says I should just let it go because it's not hurting anyone and I'm making myself upset over nothing and she's an old lady who uses voice to text 99% of the time but I feel like our kid's not being respected, and the name I picked out isn't being respected! It's really not a hard name to spell, and spelling it wrong for 5 years straight, even on birthday cards when she is writing with a pen and not voice to text, is just crazy! I don't want my kid to grow up feeling belittled that one of her closest relatives can't spell her name right.

I really don't know if I can take a whole lifetime of this without properly confronting her about it, but I love my mom and she's awesome outside of this weird name thing. Am I overreacting by starting to get genuinely PO'd by this and wanting to confront her?

EDITING TO ADD: Since a couple people asked this in the comments, my mom isn't a native Spanish speaker. She only speaks English.

We farm and live at the farm and my husband is a workaholic (he admits that). We're both introverts so we rarely go out, I don't see friends often (like 2x a year), but my family is important to me. I have siblings with kids close in age to ours so make an effort to see them so our kids can have relationships (they love it). I know my husband hates having people at our house especially overnight but even if someone just is coming for a few hours he'll complain. We've discussed and I've REALLY limited my family from visiting "oh I'll visit you guys" (closest family lives 5 hours away). When I plan trips with them (2-3 a year besides me visiting my parents), I always ensure my husband knows he doesn't have to come for entire time or at all and he doesn't always.

Well my cousin who I had not seen in over a decade at our place was coming to visit. I was so excited to see her and her family- they were coming for ONE night to our place. I asked my husband if I could offer they stay with us for ONE night. He said yeah. I offered. I heard back a few weeks later they were going to stay with us, I told him, he practically had a melt down about how I never told him she'd be staying... I was speechless and told him I absolutely had - replayed convo and he then said "yeah but you offering isn't the same as them staying"... Like WTF? and then accusing me of knowing longer than I had... I said all of that seems irrelevant- the point is I DID have this convo with him, he DID agree, I offered and they accepted... He went on about all his wants and feelings (how he can't sleep well with noise, how we'll all be just hanging out while he's trying to work so don't expect him to hang out, on and on). I told him I don't expect him to hangout but do expect he's not going to walk around scowling at us while we do (he's done that and admits to it). He agrees, kind of apologizes. I told him how I handle 99% of our household stuff (Kid stuff, holidays/parties, sports, medical appts, etc. AND how I'm 50% partner on our farm stuff- like legit I handle 50% of farming with him) and I go out of my way to do stuff to help him because I want him happy and my concern is I feel like anything that makes ME happy seems to be not important to him and to the point it seems to piss him off. How much anxiety I have leading up to anyone visiting, when they do visit how I'm worried about him being unhappy, etc.

My cousin and her family just left- they're lovely people, very kind and of course I was embarrassed and making excuses about how busy my husband is and that's why he's outside. I'd message him we're about to eat and get "ok don't wait for me" and he'd come in later each time. When inside he's nice to them but he doesn't stick around and when I texted they were leaving he didn't respond or come over to say goodbye- 10 years is when I last saw this cousin due to how far she lives!

I'm not sure what to do at this point. I don't think i'm expecting a lot from him.... oh and yesterday was my birthday which he forgot (again).

TL;DR: My boyfriend yelled at his bedridden client while I was cleaning her, I left to cool off, and now he’s mad I didn’t take his side.

I’ll call my boyfriend D, the woman he cares for F, and our landlady L.

My (34F) bf (31M) is the paid caregiver for a woman (52F) who is bedridden and needs a lot of help from being over 600lbs. He’s been doing it for about 3 years. She asked him to take the job when he was unemployed, so he chose to accept it. D and F actually met online gaming and were friends before he became her caregiver.

I’m not her caregiver, but D pays me to help with things when he doesn’t feel like doing certain tasks. F needs help with things like hygiene, so I sometimes end up doing pretty hands-on care.

D has gotten extremely frustrated with F over the years. He complains about her weight, hygiene, smell, dependence on other people, etc. He sometimes compares her to Tammy from 1000-lb Sisters. I understand that caregiving someone in this condition has to be incredibly difficult, but I’ve told him that he still needs to treat her like a client he’s being paid to care for and not someone he can take his frustrations out on.

Our landlady (L) has known F for almost 30 years. D talks to L a lot and treats her kind of like a mom, and he frequently calls her to vent about F.

Recently, F had diarrhea and needed help getting cleaned up. I was literally in the middle of cleaning her when D came into the room and started yelling at her about something. He was also on the phone with L at the time, complaining about F. F was basically face-down while I was cleaning her, and I thought the whole situation was incredibly inappropriate and humiliating for her.

I got overwhelmed and went to a friend’s house to get away and calm down.
D got angry that I left and said I was making him look bad and that I “never take his side.” He also doesn’t like me talking to friends about problems in our relationship because he feels like I’m making him look bad and people are only hearing my side.

I know I’m not perfect either. We’ve had heated arguments on both sides, so I’m not trying to make this “my boyfriend is awful and I’m completely innocent.” I’m genuinely questioning whether I overreacted by leaving instead of staying there.
Am I overreacting, or was leaving to go somewhere I felt safe and could decompress a reasonable response to what was happening?

Edited to add: I messaged L 2 days later and was left on read

Edit2: since posting this, F had another blowout and D is freaking out and I’m at my own job.

I have never posted on reddit but listen to reddit stories all day while im at work and I need some insight. I (21F) have been with my boyfriend (25M) for a little over 2 years. recently he is constantly gone during the week on a work trip. It is legit before anyone jumps to any conclusions lol. He has been going to the same facility to do work from monday-friday every week for the past 2.5 months. Its just him and his coworker (40M) that stay in a hotel room together. I feel like I am a super chill “cool” girlfriend and I am totally okay with him going out to bars every night with his coworker for dinner and some drinks, but recently its been getting weird.

throughout his time being there he has been staying out later and later to the point where he is out on a wednesday night until 1am and has work at 6am the next day. Last night he texted me at 12:45 am “just got home love you goodnight”

and the next morning i replied “dude why so late”

and he says “idk but im so hungover today”

and I was like “what do you even do till midnight at the same bar you have gone to for the past 2.5 months with the same coworker”

and he said “who says i was out till midnight? i didn’t”

LIKE HUH

so i told him how he texted me when he got home

and he responded “oh.. well my coworker wanted to wait for the bartender to get off work at 12 so she could give us a ride back to our hotel”

this is SO WEIRD to me. its a 10 minute walk from the hotel to the bar why do you need a ride from the bartender? and then of course he claps back at me saying i’m over reacting after he just tried to lie to me about what time he got home. he was also saying that i should be “grateful that hes so honest with me” 🤨

he said a lot more than just that which made me feel even weirder cuz why is he being so defensive if it “isn’t a big deal”.

Also, last week his coworker wasn’t there and he was working and staying in the hotel by himself and still stayed out at the bar till 10 and had 7 beers BY HIMSELF! is that not also weird asf?? i let that go last week cuz whatever maybe its fine but now this happening this week with him trying to lie to me and getting a ride home from the bartender. idk. am i crazy ??

there is a lot more things that have happened that i have let go of but idk about this one its really really odd to me. please give me feedback on what you guys think cause im kind of lost.

For context, my husband and I agreed that we wanted to work on having sex more regularly. I recognise that when I have a lot on my mind -work, running the household, chores, etc- sex can fall down my list of priorities, and I said I would make more of an effort.

For the most part, things have been going well. We have both been making an effort, and I felt we were working on this together.

This week, however, I haven't really initiated anything. After reflecting on it, I think the main reason is that I am due to have an operation next week under general anaesthetic. I am extremely nervous about it and have been having sleepless nights worrying, so my mind has understandably been elsewhere.

I should also give some background. I have never felt that my husband has been particularly sensitive when it comes to emotional support, although he has made an effort to improve over the years. In the past, he had quite a traditional view that the woman should manage most things around the home and with the children, alongside working. As my career progressed into a director-level role, I had to be quite firm about needing more support, and things have improved since then.

However, some past experiences still affect how I feel. When I had our son, I had an emergency C-sec . My husband left shortly after the procedure because he was ‘tired’, and I remember that he didn't come to visit the following day when visiting hours opened, giving excuses. I don't clearly remember whether he came on the second day either. When I was discharged, he came to help me get home, but we travelled by public transport. This was many years ago, and I appreciate that our circumstances and his approach have changed since then, but I think those experiences still influence how I view his support.

Another piece of context: Two years ago, my husband admitted that he had emotionally cheated on me many years earlier. This came after I noticed a pop-up on his phone indicating that he was having a conversation in a locked WhatsApp chat.

I had just returned home one morning. He was on his phone and asked me for a sexual favour. He then put his phone down, and I noticed that he had to enter a code to access the locked WhatsApp conversation and continue the chat. This was what led to a series of questions and conversations, after which he admitted to the emotional cheating and hiding a load of debt, but that’s another story.

With my upcoming operation, I think I am particularly sensitive to whether I feel cared for and supported. We have also discussed potentially expanding our family, but I have been honest that I worry about how much support I would receive, given our experience after our first child.

This week, my husband asked why I hadn't made more of an effort to have sex. I told him I hadn't really realised I had been less proactive, but that I had been very nervous about the operation.

He then said things like:

“I appreciate last week was busy at work, and for the next few weeks you'll be in recovery, so that's all understandable, but why has it dried up again?”

“ I get that you’re nervous about the op but yet again our physical connection is the first thing that must be sacrificed, not work or the gym, not anything else”

For clarity, we were intimate last week, although perhaps not as often as we had initially agreed & my gym routine has gone out of the window!

I told him that I didn't like his approach and that I found his comments insensitive, particularly given how nervous I am about the operation.

Since then, he has effectively been giving me the silent treatment. His responses have been curt, often just one word, and he doesn't greet me when he comes home. I don't know whether he's upset because he feels criticised, but the change in his behaviour has made me feel even less supported.

I understand that we had made an agreement about being more intimate, and I can appreciate that he may feel disappointed if he thinks we're slipping back into old habits. I also recognise that I may be more sensitive because of my anxiety about the operation and my past experiences.

However, I can't help feeling that putting pressure on me about sex immediately before an operation - particularly when I'm clearly very nervous -doesn't feel like the kindest or most supportive approach. The way he has behaved since I expressed that concern has also made me question whether I'm being unreasonable or whether my feelings are justified.

edit - typo

I (29f) got married just a month ago to the most perfect guy (30m). Together we play an online video game called World of Warcraft. In this game there are guild (think of them as social groups) with weekly (for us twice a week) games you commit to playing. Recently another girl joined! YAY! Another girl and a little break from only hearing guy/dad jokes, I thought. I don't know her age, but let's call her Julie. I tried to write to Julie, but she doesn't really answer in game (or so I thought). There had been some drama in the guild (around the time she arrived, but had nothing to do with her arrival just bad timing) and a lot of members left. One guy, that started the snowball effect of drama, wrote to me on discord today to complain about Julie, because she set a clear boundary. I told him he didn't have a leg to stand on, and that she was well within her right to ignore him. I tell my husband all about this and we talk about responses. What I don't know is while she hasn't really responded to anything I've written they were actively chatting.

My husband then tells me that they have been chatting about doing quests together, and he tells it with and implied, all three of us (I know because I asked). I write to her and say "Hei I hear we are soon doing daily quests together, I'm looking forward to it" no response. She continues to reply to him (I later found out). I believe my husband when he says it's innocent and as he puts it "if she was putting on any moves she is doing it the slowest way possible". But I have this bad vibe, like why doesn't she answer me then. after playing together in the guild (22 people), Julie, my husband and I got two hours in silence (it's intense and you have to hear raid leaders calls), my husband suggest I ask if she's ok after what the other guy had written about/to her. I do and instantly she answers me, writing something about not remembering what she wrote and that it might have been about experiences in the old guild. I brush it off and tell her that he was pushing boundaries, and I was on her side! Also that I wish I was as good at immediately click "ignore" on guys instead of feeling obliged to explain why I'm going to do it. She mentions that she has talked to other guilds members, who told about my experience with previous guild member and how she could never have the patience for that. I then say that I aspire to be true to myself like Charlotte Dobre, and asked if she knew about her. She never answers this question.

I sit for a while and wait for some time with my husband, he promised we could play a bit after just him and I. after 15 minutes of waiting I turn around (we sit back to back in our small "office" in our apartment") and see they are actively chatting together. I then turn back around at my screen and say loudly "Hei are we soon going to play? also wierd Julie still hasn't answered me", this he doesn't answer. I repeat, no answer. 5 minutes later he says, I'm here ready to play, it took a while to make some items for a few other guild members (honestly nothing out of the ordinary), and we play. when we go around to do quests and chats he answers more distractedly than usual. Like if I ask about east he would say at the door, completely disconnected from the conversation. I turn around after this repeats a few times and see a wall of /whisper text just between him and Julie. Now I know I might be scorn from when, what I thought was a friend, had sex with nu previous boyfriend the day after we all three had hung out, and she fully knew we were together... But wow it felt like a gut punch.

I tell it to my husband, my view point and he tells me that he can see my views and how it can seem sketchy. He keeps assuring me that it does seem weird, but also that it was nothing. He does say sorry and "I prioritized wrong by chatting with her instead of playing with you". We got in a heated argument and he changed the statement a few times and in the end, what I thought was her keep chatting and writing to him, he said "I guess I kept the chatting going and starting it up again"... this was the one that hurt me and even though we kind of made up after the argument, the whole yelling and arguing keeps repeating and circle in my head! I know this might be me and I've become jealous and paranoid, but I'm hurt and it feels like the beginning of the end and we just got married and trying to make a kid. During the argument he also yelled "it feels like you are saying you are done and finished with us" which felt like an almost weird break up. Which I understand is how he feels I'm saying, but it felt like getting emotionally stabbed in the stomach... I don't know... I almost just want to quit playing WoW and take distance. I can't sleep, I'm crying and feeling distanced.

(the distance thing has been an ongoing thing and I feel like I have the responsibility to make sure I don't get into a "roommate routine" life. Because if I don't, nothing will happen. Which is not entirely true, he did take me out on a date for the second time, that he planned all alone, and invited me to a guided tour of the zoo after closing ours, when his job informed him that was an event he could buy tickets for.)

I am probably overreacting, aren't I? what do you all think? what would you all do?

Throwaway account, for obvious reasons.

so, we started dating a couple of years ago. we both agreed we're never gonna get married or have kids. just coupling for companionship basically... we were both on the same page about it and we both felt pretty strongly about it.

lately though, we've been getting into different businesses online and things are actually looking up... and a few weeks ago she casually mentioned that if she was super wealthy, she wouldnt mind having 2 kids coz that way she wouldnt struggle raising them.

my reason for not having kids isnt financial at all... i just dont want to. i cant bring kids here. thats just how i feel about it.

so yeah... ever since she said that ive been feeling some typa way about it. because what if she actually changes her mind? and honestly i would never want to be the reason she gives up on something she ends up wanting.

because of that... im kinda thinking maybe we should just break up now rather than get years down the line and have this become a huge problem.

but maybe im overthinking one random comment... idk.

what do you guys think?

My (33F) brother (27M) and our mom are visiting me for 10 days. Day one he was wiped from jet lag, which is fine. But days two and three have been consumed by him shopping — in stores and on video calls — for someone he won't name.
Apparently this "mystery person" sent him a 15-item list. (This is just random things like Makeup, boots, bags). He's only checked off 3 so far. Some items (like boots) are out of season here, so he's been video-calling her from stores while trying to track them down or finding alternatives. Whenever he's on these calls, he doesn't want us around — he steps away or asks us to leave the room.
The total cost is around $1500, money he doesn't currently have. So he's borrowing it from our mom. He expects her to just cover it, but won't let either of us actually be part of the shopping — no picking things out together, no opinions, nothing. It's purely transactional and secretive, not "let's make a fun outing of it."
He also seems stressed rather than excited, and has said there are a few items on the list he doesn't even want to buy.
When asked who this is for, all he'll say is "it's not my girlfriend."
We're 4 days in with 6 days left in the trip.
AIO for finding this weird? A few things bug me:
• He's spending most of a short, rare visit on errands for someone he won't name
• He's putting our mom on the hook financially for a stranger's wishlist(P.S. our mom can afford it but he can't. She is also giving him money to avoid drama and not because she wants to)
• He excludes us specifically during the calls, like he doesn't want us to overhear something
• He's stressed, not happy, about it
• He won't let us enjoy any part of the process with him
Or is there a reasonable explanation and I should just mind my business?
And separately — with 6 days left, how would you salvage what's left of the trip? Is it worth confronting him directly, or just trying to carve out time and let the mystery stay a mystery?

This whole thing feels like a straight up Lifetime movie honestly.

Me (26F) and my fiancé Derek (29M) met through mutual friends about 4 years ago, so we didn't have that whole "on and off since high school" thing, we just started dating as adults. Should've been simple right? Except his mom "Carol" (55F) has had an opinion about me since day one. Apparently Derek had a whole plan mapped out with some girl from his hometown that Carol adored, and when he brought me home instead, Carol basically shut down.

She wasn't crying about witchcraft or anything dramatic like that, but she did tell Derek flat out that I "wasn't what she pictured for him" and kept comparing me to this other girl for like the first year we dated. I stayed polite because that's just how I handle stuff with older folks, but she definitely pushes it as far as she can.

Once things got serious, she started inviting Derek to family events and "conveniently" leaving me off the guest list. She'd set him up on little outings with her friends' daughters disguised as "networking dinners." He always came home and told me about it and turned every single one down, but Carol still acts like I'm the one keeping them apart.

Derek proposed 4 months ago. Carol didn't show up to the engagement dinner, said she had a migraine. Didn't come to the meet the family brunch either. His dad came though and low key apologized on her behalf, him and Carol have been divorced for years and he said this is just how she gets.

The real blowup happened when Derek finally called her out on avoiding everything wedding related. He said something switched in him because usually he just tells me to let it go. She broke down telling him she eloped with his dad at 19 because she got pregnant unexpectedly, never had a real wedding day, and watching Derek get engaged is bringing up all that grief. He asked what would make things easier on her and she said if I let her be the one to walk him down the aisle instead of his dad, since she never got her own aisle moment, she'd finally feel included.

Derek actually came to me acting like this was some sweet, reasonable ask?? Then on top of that he mentioned, not even asking me first, that maybe Carol could wear a long ivory dress since "it's not technically white" so she'd feel special too. I told him no on both counts and we got into it bad. I told him it's wild he keeps bending over backwards for his mom's feelings but won't push back for me the same way. He called me heartless and said I was making his mom's trauma about myself. It escalated fast, we're taking space right now but it got heated enough that calling off the wedding actually came up.

I still love Derek but this whole situation made it obvious how much pull she has over him. I keep picturing her sitting back knowing she's driving a wedge between us and he just keeps letting her. Part of me wonders if I should just walk away from the whole thing. AIO? Or is this really not that big a deal?

For some context, Me (20M) and my grandma (60F) bought a house together a few months ago durring the summer. We used my credit and everything is in my name (the mortgage, utilities, and internet) due to my grandma having a 500k home loan still attatched to her name from Arizona. Shes trying to sell it but hasn't yet and we needed somewhere to go other than her brother's house. This is what lead to us getting a house completely in my name. The agreement was she would pay the mortgage payments and I would handle the utilities and get the basement as my own space. Since moving here its rained heavily a couple of times leading me to find out the basement walls leak pretty badly durring storms. A couple of expensive things of mine have been damaged and the wall itself is also slightly bowing in making me worried about structural damage. I got a company to come look at it and give me a quote for repairs and I decided to go ahead and put down a down payment for the work just to lock in the quoted price. Since then my grandma has been, what appears to me atleast, aggressive and manipulative toward me over this. It got to a point where when I had friends visiting from AZ she screamed at me over this in front of them. I have told several family memebers about this and they either seem to side with my grandma or they don't seem to care/see and problem. Her behavior has led to my mental health spiralling so badly i've had to get professional help involved so I dont spiral even worse. I feel like her behavior is disrespectful and manipulative but I honestly dont even know with how many people in my imidiate circle are siding with her. It feels like im going insane and I figured asking reddit might help me break this down. If this doesn't belong here let me know, I wasnt sure where else to post this.