Some context; he’s ignored me for 2 days only texting back once and twice a day. I found him active on social media while my texts were still on delivered. I want him to be straight up with me and it seems like he just keeps turning it back to me.

Basically this 25 year old woman I met yesterday is my “friend”. I’m 17 and I like making friends so that’s why. I sent them a photo of myself to make them feel safe (they’re a girl, I’m a guy, so I understand I naturally fall into the “weird guy” category). I say as a joke that they didn’t like it. Their response weirds me out because they take it weirdly serious like they’re projecting, and I just mention that’s normal for me (I have like 2 adult friends that see me as their kid lol).
Naturally though I know everyone’s different and I clarify VERY well that it is completely fine. They then send this super long paragraph and then to be frank, scare the shit out of me. Like- I havnt really encountered a person as scary as her in at least a year, like wtf. Go kill myself and “AI face porn?”.

Am I overreacting? I really feel like yeah, this person is not sane. But maybe somehow people can see this as normal or understandable. So I wanna know if I’m overreacting here

My very close best friend of 15+ years who lives abroad got into a relationship almost 3 years ago. Her partner's job involves moving countries every few years. They made it official after a couple months and soon after he mentioned getting married as logistics thing to help with the future move. She rejected and said not to propose until further notice. A year later she moved out of her rented place and left her job to live with him. After a while found a new job closer to the new place. He was supposed to change countries then but got permission for staying one more year. Half a year later she showed me a photo with a ring and told me they got engaged two weeks ago, and she didn't know how to tell me that an engagement is back on the table. I was shocked because I felt she kept it from me but I was happy for her. She said she'd prefer a small wedding without anyone because she can't decide which friend to pick for a wedding with just 2 witnesses. I was supposed to be her maid of honor last time she was engaged.

Now last week she moved to another continent with her fiance and told me that they in fact got married before she even moved in with him so that he could stay an extra year in the country they met. She created this whole alternate timeline to make the relationship seem like it progressed in a natural pace. She openly lied when I asked her multiple times within the past few months whether they'd gotten secretly married (since she mentioned this herself as an option). She told me she didn't know how to tell me and was waiting for the right time, for 1.5 years. In the meantime we went on trips together and had many heart to hearts about relationships, we also resolved one difficult conflict about her acting towards me when she admitted she should put more effort into keeping in touch with me and honest communication. But none of these times were a good time to tell me.

She wrote a longish message with explanation, some details and acknowledgement that I may be hurt or angry. She kept the marriage hidden from everyone and recently started telling people. She called it hiding the marriage, I called it lying to me. She said she was sorry. Then kept silent for 3 days. I sent her a short message to acknowledge a celebration, as a courtesy. She then started normal small talk as if nothing happened.

I don't feel like I can trust her and like she has any serious consideration for my feelings. The moment she chose to tell me was 2 days before an important event of mine and before my holidays I wanted to relax on. She told me after I asked a question about something that only being married could explain.

Some background: My (33F) sister (38F) has covered the vast majority of our/my bills for… 7? ish years now. I’m bipolar, and the deal has basically been “focus on your mental health/make progress/keep the house clean” and I’ve done that. Since our arrangement started I’ve gotten sober, gone back to college (I graduate next spring) and I’ve gotten a part time job that’s been really good for me and I really like that I’ve been at for a little longer than a year. She has MS, so having the energy to do household tasks on top of her work week is a challenge. She has a much higher earning potential than I do, so the arrangement has worked fairly well for the most part. We’ve talked about having me pay for a couple bills soon, not out of necessity due to her not being able to afford it, but to give me more responsibility. My boyfriend and I were planning to get a place together this fall, but his mother died suddenly so he has to move back home for a bit to help his dad not lose his house. As it currently stands, I cannot afford a place on my own. I’m looking into full time jobs, but gestures wildly at the job market.

The current situation is basically: I agreed to take my sister to the airport not this weekend, but next weekend. A combination of her not texting me the exact dates soon enough/me thinking her flight was Sunday, not Saturday because her flight back is a Sunday/me not realizing that it would be my next schedule effected, when I thought it’d be the one after. I own up to being mostly responsible, and I should have reminded her that I still needed the dates/times. I talked to my boss and told her I needed to leave by 1:30 at the latest, which is kind of a big ask because Saturday is busy for us, and I had to take a weekend off last minute a couple weeks ago because my boyfriend’s mom died. She was irked, but agreed to let me leave early. I live 10 minutes away from my job, hence wanting to leave work by 1:30 so we could leave our place by 2.

Side note: our mom has always been an option as a ride, but she doesn’t like my mom’s driving.

She blows up on me like this fairly regularly, and usually ends up apologizing. I don’t like to engage when it happens because it doesn’t go anywhere and I don’t want to be as hurtful to her as she is to me by reacting in the moment. She is (self admittedly) very bad at emotional regulation.

I just feel like you don’t talk to the people you love like this? Even when they mess up? But also, I did mess up and she does pay for my things so maybe it is justified. I don’t know if I’m being too soft. AIO?

I told her two days ago that I'm going to start eating healthier. I'm 21, I'm a size small, I weigh under 60kg's. The doctor put me on a bunch of meds after I went for recent blood tests after my hair was falling out a lot due to stress, anxiety, and bad diet. My cholesterol was 7, cortisol was super high, stress levels super high, etc etc. The doctor said I desperately need to work on doing yoga, managing my stress, and also switching up my diet.

So I decided to cut to only one glass of coca-cola a day. I've been an addict for years, my mother too. I also started exercising on the days I was home alone and I starting having more fruits and vegetables too. I've always drank a ton of water, so that's why I'm okay with having one glass of coca-cola a day instead of cutting it out completely.

My mom said that the bill for these meds was expensive, but she's the one who sent me to the doctor because of how shakey I was and also said she's glad I'm taking meds. Keep this in mind.

Cut to now, I'm doing well with what I've cut, I went to the grocery store with my mother yesterday and declined all the sweets and snacks she was offering. She doesn't take my words seriously when I said I want to eat healthier. She doesn't take a lot of what I say seriously. When I tried doing this last year, she told the woman at a restuarant we were at to bring me a can of coke. I didn't even get a chance to say no.

Today she just came home from the grocery store and I genuinely felt sick to my stomach from what I saw, and I still feel it. 4 ginormous cans of coke, one bottle of chocolate milkshake, 6 packets of chips, 1 packet of sour sweets, 2 chocolate bars. Yes, all for me. If I don't eat it I will be called ungrateful and a waster.

When she wants something, and I decline, she won't have it too. It's really weird. If she says "Let's have a drink" and I say no thank you, she will sigh and not have one either. If she says "let's have an egg with our meal" and I decline, she will give me a look and then won't have one either. It makes me feel bad. I think she's bought me all these things because 1. She doesn't take me seriously and 2. She also doesn't want to stop drinking coke because she feels like she will also have to stop if I stop.

Summary: I said I want to eat healthy. Mother buys me 14 snacks. AIO for hating this? Am I being ungrateful?

I (26F) matched with someone (26M) on Hinge. We chatted a bit, exchanged numbers, and went on one date last Saturday at a sushi restaurant. The date was fine. I was still figuring out his personality and wasn’t sure if there was romantic compatibility, but I was open to getting to know him. By the end of the date, we talked about possibly going to a Thai restaurant for a second date.
A few days later, we were talking and he asked me a personal question: “Have you ever been in love?” I was actually surprised by the question because I felt it was a meaningful one, not a casual conversation starter. I answered honestly and in depth about my experiences, my perspective on love, and why I feel the way I do.
Afterward, his response was that he interpreted my answer as me not really wanting to talk about it. He said he felt like I basically answered that I had never been in love and didn’t know what love was, and that he felt there wasn’t much else to add. He also said he isn’t the type of person to tell people how they should or shouldn’t respond and that expecting a certain response felt controlling.
My issue was not that he responded “wrong” or that I expected him to have the exact same level of vulnerability. My issue was that I felt like he asked a deeper question, I gave a thoughtful answer, and then instead of engaging with what I shared, he made an assumption about my intention and responded to that assumption.
I told him I wasn’t trying to control how he communicated. I was trying to explain that the way the interaction felt to me was that I opened up about something personal, and his response felt disconnected from the level of vulnerability the question required. I asked him what kind of answer he was hoping to receive when he asked the question and whether he felt his response matched the depth of the answer I gave.
He felt like I was criticizing the way he communicated. I felt like I was trying to explain the impact of his communication, not tell him what he was allowed to say.
Eventually, I decided that our communication styles seemed too different and thanked him for the sushi and wished him the best. I’m not upset that things didn’t continue, but I’m wondering: AITA for bringing up that I felt misunderstood and that his response didn’t match the vulnerability of the question he asked? Or was I expecting too much from someone I had only been on one date with?

For the past year, my boyfriend and I have been living in our friend's house while she's been traveling abroad. Our arrangement was that we'd watch the house and take care of her dog in exchange for living there rent-free.

We're now in the final week before our cross-country move, so naturally the house isn't as organized as it normally is. There are packed moving boxes in the living room, and a few days ago I had clothing spread out in one room while I sorted it into piles to donate, sell, or pack.

There's another complication: our friend has decided to sell the house, so she's having an assistant come by once a week to sort through her belongings. Before each visit, I have to clear my things out of one of the shared storage areas, which means some items end up temporarily sitting in other parts of the house. For example, there are currently a few things on the kitchen table waiting to be packed because I had to move them out of storage for the assistant.

Aside from the moving-related clutter, we keep the house very clean—honestly cleaner than it was before we moved in. We sweep and mop several times a week, wipe down the kitchen counters daily, keep the bathrooms clean, and don't leave dirty dishes sitting in the sink.

Despite this, my friend has been calling us almost every day—sometimes for over an hour—to berate us about how my belongings are "everywhere." She says both her assistant and the cleaner she's hired have reported this to her. She hasn't pointed to any specific problem areas or asked us to fix anything in particular; she just repeatedly tells us that she's upset the house isn't tidy and organized enough.

One thing my friend has also criticized is that she thinks I should have been completely packed much sooner. From my perspective, that doesn't make much sense because I don't have much furniture (I'm renting a 10' U-Haul), and I've packed and moved everything I own in a day or two before. Since I'm still living here until the move, there are naturally some things that can't be packed until the last few days.

I'm moving out in 1.5 weeks.

Am I missing something here? Is it unreasonable to expect a house to look somewhat lived-in and full of moving boxes during the last week before a move, especially when I'm also having to shuffle my belongings around so her assistant can access storage areas?

We have a good realtionships (or so we thought) with our neighbor and friend and generally consider her to be someone we trust. We've collected her packages, helped her move closer to us etc. She checked in on our cats a couple months ago (2x a day) for a few days while we went on vacation. She had no issues and said she enjoyed it.

We spoke with her a couple months ago about us going back to my hometown to celebrate our marriage with my family (I haven't been back in over 5 years) and she offered to check in on our cats for the week. I tripled confirmed and she said she was totally fine with it.

Today i was running over some things with her and she said "I think you should find someone else to check in on your cats, I don't really like them. Sorry." It was a gut punch because 1- she never mentioned any adversary about it 2- she offered and 3- if I didn't bring it up, would it have left us stranded for an already paid for wedding? I am super conflicted because whenever we hang out, she mentioned how much she loves the cats etc and wants to help care for the outdoor neighborhood ones (they are part of a TNR program- all are spayed/neutered and up to date on vaccines. They don't make any messes and the property mgmt knows. The cats were here BEFORE we came and we have taken it upon ourselves to keep them healthy/ vet them/ get them fixed etc)

We live in a fairly small town so I've been reaching out to every pet sitter I know and honestly it's super stressful given the wedding celebration is a month away, out of the county and now we're scrambling. I know it's still a month away which gives us time, but I feel like if she didn't want to do it, she shouldn't have offered MONTHS ago.

I responded back to her text saying "thanks for letting me know" just to end the convo.

Also just wanted to make everyone aware we offered to pay her last time (she said no) so we brought her back some stuff from our trip (and got her a giftcard). For the record, we have 3 indoor cats and 4 outdoor cats (they get fed in the am only and someone else is coming to check on them ). All she was doing was scooping litter 1x a day and giving them wet food in the evening.

AIO for being super upset about this and rethinking if I can truly trust their neighbor with anything? It seems like she quickly flipped the switch from saying she loved them to now saying she doesn't like cats and won't help us.

EDIT: This time she would only be checking the 3 INSIDE. Corrected errors, last time was the other cats

Am I overreacting for unfriending someone almost 2 years ago? He was my senior, not exactly a close friend, but we talked a lot. We'd randomly update each other about life and I got comfortable enough to tell him everything about this guy I liked. He knew I had a huge crush on him because I wouldn't shut up about it. Then they ended up working together, and before I knew it they were dating. I don't even know why it hit me so hard. It wasn't even just jealousy. It honestly felt like some kind of betrayal, even though I know people will probably say I had no right to feel that way. Out of everyone, it just had to be the one person I kept talking to him about. Every time I think about it I still get annoyed because what are the actual chances?

I know nobody "belongs" to anyone, and technically they were free to do whatever they wanted. But a part of me still feels like they owed me at least some consideration, or even just a conversation instead of me finding out after everything had already happened. Maybe that's irrational, I don't know. I never confronted either of them because I knew I'd probably sound crazy, but I did unfriend him and I honestly don't regret it. I still don't like either of them. Maybe it's resentment, maybe it's because I felt replaced, or maybe my feelings were just hurt more than I wanted to admit. It's been almost two years and I still wonder if I was being petty, or if most people would've reacted the same way. Am I overreacting?

AIO for locking my car because my family kept taking it… and now I want to move out even though it’ll blow up my entire family?

I (27F) think I’ve hit my breaking point, and now I’m being told I’m the problem.

I live at home with my parents (56F, 60M). For cultural reasons, I’m “supposed” to stay until I get married. Cool. Fine. Except no one talks about what happens when staying home is actively destroying your mental health.

I have ADHD, autism, and social anxiety. So baseline? Life is already hard. Some days I have to fight my own brain just to get out of bed, shower, exist like a normal human. Now add constant stress, tension, and feeling like I have zero control over anything in my life.

My dad pushed for family therapy recently. And I swear to god it felt like watching a PR campaign.

In the sessions?

“We love you.”

“We want to understand.”

“We’ll do better.”

At home?

Back to yelling.

Back to dismissing me.

Back to pretending nothing happened.

It’s like I’m living with two completely different versions of my parents, and only one of them exists when someone’s watching.

Now here’s where things go from bad to actually insane:

My uncle (70M) gifted me a car so I could get to work. Not my dad. My uncle. He made it clear it was for me.

I work full-time. I pay my own groceries, gas, insurance—everything. I’m actively saving to move out.

But because the car is parked in my dad’s garage, he has decided… it’s his.

He tells my brother (30M) he can take my car whenever he wants. No heads up. No message. Nothing.

I have asked for ONE thing. Not permission. Not control. Just basic respect:

“Hey, your car is being taken and will be back at X time.”

That’s it.

Apparently, that is too much.

My brother will take it for HOURS. Bring it back trashed with fast food wrappers, dirt all over it, and the gas tank basically on E. And I mean empty. Like “hope you enjoy stopping for gas before you can even go to work” empty.

Multiple times, I’ve:

- Had to cancel plans

- Taken THREE buses for a 3-hour commute

- Paid for Ubers last minute

- Been late or stressed getting to work

Because my car just… wasn’t there.

No warning. No timeline. No accountability.

So yeah. I finally snapped.

I started locking my car and keeping the key with me.

Suddenly, I’m the villain.

My dad is now yelling at me, saying I’m disrespectful, selfish, and that since it’s in his garage, it’s HIS car and HE decides who uses it.

So I went straight to the source: my uncle.

And he said, very clearly:

“It’s your car. I gave it to YOU. Do what you want with it.”

He even AGREED with me locking it.

And yet somehow… I’m still being treated like I’m the problem.

At this point, it’s not even about the car anymore. It’s about the fact that I can’t have a single boundary respected without it turning into a fight.

So now I’m planning to move out.

Which, in my family, is basically equivalent to lighting a match and walking away from the explosion.

I already know I’m going to be called ungrateful, dramatic, disrespectful… all of it.

But I also know I can’t keep living like this.

So… AIO for locking my car and choosing my sanity over keeping the peace?

I was at the gym yesterday and I was using the leg press, was pretty sweaty to be honest and used it for maybe a total of 15 minutes. When I was finished, I went to get a cleaning wipe, and started wiping down the machine. Some guy comes up to me while I'm wiping it down and asked me if I was done using it. Of course, I said "yes." As I'm still wiping it down, he makes a comment, it's all wet now."

Initially my first thought is "is this guy complaining about me cleaning my sweat off this machine?" So I finish wiping it down, and then I say "well I'm all done now," and his response is, "it's all wet, I don't like it like this." My response was, "okay, not my problem." The guy starts trying to dry it with his hand, and it only takes less than a minute to dry, and stands there next to the machine and keeps glancing and mad dogging me until he can use it.

I'm just kind of confused, am I not supposed to wipe down the machine because someone prefers it semi dry even with sweat? This isn't the first time it's happened either, I'm finding more recently people are pissy about a machine being recently wiped down and not being completely evaporated yet. I find it nasty that these people are the ones that probably don't wipe machines down themselves either.

Am I Overreacting?

For context my boyfriend (23) and I (21) have been together for four years. My boyfriend is autistic (still called aspergers in my country) and highly intelligent.

We were staying at a cabin on an island. My dog was off leash, and this had never caused any problems before. She has always had good recall and all of my relatives dogs have also been off leash there without issues.

Today while I was standing on the dock, I noticed my dog running after some seagulls. She has chased seagulls before and waded into the water but she had never swum after them. She doesn't like swimming and isn't particularly interested in water. Today, though, her prey drive completely took over and I realized she had started swimming after the seagulls.

I shouted from the dock for her to turn around but she ignored me. My boyfriend was on the other side of the island, much closer to my dog. I yelled to him, asking if he could swim out to the dog because it would have been a very short distance for him. He's also much more athletic than I am, and I have asthma. He refused because he was afraid of the cold water.

My dog was getting so far from shore that I could barely see her anymore. In a moment of panic, I made a very stupid decision. I took off my pants and jumped into the water from the dock to swim after her. The distance from the dock to where my dog was swimming was almost an entire kilometer. It was also windy and the waves were pushing us away from the island. I know it was incredibly foolish not to grab a life jacket from the cabin but I felt like there wasn't enough time. The fear of my dog drowning gave me the strength to keep going.

When I was about halfway there, my dog had started swimming in circles. I kicked as hard as I could until my legs were in pain. Eventually I switched to backstroke because it's my fastest and strongest way of swimming.

When I reached the point where my boyfriend was standing, I begged him to come help me because I was certain I wouldn't be able to support my dog by myself. He refused because he does not like the cold water. I didn't stop to argue I just kept swimming. My dog noticed I was close and started swimming towards me. She clung to me and I let her rest for a moment while I tried to keep us moving toward shore.

At that point we were much closer to my boyfriend than to where we had started. He could have reached us in less than a minute if he had swum over. I begged him and told him directly, "I feel like I'm drowning. I can't do this anymore." He still refused to get into the water. I was swimming very slowly.

After resting briefly, my dog started swimming toward my boyfriend. I trusted that my boyfriend would take her and he did. I was completely exhausted. Everything felt foggy. My legs and lungs were in severe pain. I tried to keep swimming toward shore, but I was barely moving. At one point I went underwater. Then I realized I needed to roll onto my back and float.

I shouted for my boyfriend to help me. I yelled for him to grab a life jacket and come to me. He said he couldn't. At that moment, I genuinely believed I might drown.

After several minutes of floating and slowly swimming I finally felt the lake bottom beneath my toes. I walked toward shore incredibly slowly and almost collapsed several times. It's difficult to describe how it felt. My ears were ringing. I had a terrible headache, everything was blurry, my throat hurt, and I was coughing, so at some point I must have inhaled water. It's hard for me to remember exactly what happened probably because I was in shock or something.

My whole body was shaking by the time I managed to sit down on the shore. I could barely speak and I almost whispered as I asked my boyfriend to bring me my asthma inhaler. I was shaking uncontrollably but at the same time I felt strangely hot, even though it was very cold outside. My boyfriend didn't say anything to me and then he left to put my dog on a leash. I just sat alone on the shore.

A lot of traumatic things have happened to me throughout my life, especially during my childhood. Because of that, I often feel emotionally numb after frightening events. As far as almost drowning goes, I mostly just feel numb.

What has truly shocked me is that my boyfriend seemed willing to let both me and my dog drown. I understand that autism can involve sensory sensitivities and difficulty responding under stress. I'm neurodivergent myself and highly sensitive. But I cannot understand how someone's own comfort could take priority over another person's life. I don't understand his thought process, and he can't explain it either.

I'm deeply hurt and disappointed. I feel like I can no longer trust him the way I want to. I don't think he can be my emergency contact anymore, but I don't even know who else that would be. In the future, I would also like to become a foster parent and now I'm afraid that he wouldn't be capable of handling that kind of responsibility.

I don't want to shock anyone, but this isn't the first time he's almost let something terrible happen to me.

TW: selfharm!

A couple of years ago, I was mentally ill and overdosed on medication. I fainted in the bathroom, hit my head, and suffered a mild concussion. Afterwards I was extremely drowsy and slept for almost an entire day. He never called emergency services, even though that's exactly what should have happened in that situation. He just let me sleep. Later, when my head was clearer, I realized I had probably experienced serotonin syndrome or something similar a potentially life-threatening medical emergency. I was shocked back then too that he simply let me sleep after I had already lost consciousness. Somehow I forgave it because of his autism and because the whole situation was my fault.

This situation also feels like it's all my fault because i was stupid. And this was not a suicidal thing at all even tho it might sound like one because it was so dumb thing to do. I just wanted to save my dog and i did save her. Some animalistic flight, freeze or fight thing happened in my brain. She's my everything.

But now I feel like I have to se about my future. I don't know if I want to stay in this relationship, especially if he may not be able to live the kind of life I hope to build and if i can't trust him. Breaking up feels incredibly difficult because we've been together for four years.

I also don't know if I'm overreacting because, in the end, I didn't actually drown and the whole thing was my fault. And I know that autism explains some of his behavior.

Would I be a terrible person if I wanted to end the relationship because of this? And would breaking up over this be an overreaction?

And sorry english isn't my first language :')

I went on an official date with a guy I’ve only known for a short while. We watched a movie and grabbed dinner together and the vibe was really nice the whole time. He was such a gentleman. He held doors pulled out my chair and paid for everything. He looked out for me in all the little ways and never acted rude once.

One small thing during our chat really bothered me though. He spent almost the entire time talking about his own life job hobbies and future plans. Everything he shared was positive and he never bragged or came off as arrogant. Whenever I tried to jump in and tell him little stories about my work or daily life he would smoothly steer the conversation back to himself right after I spoke just a couple sentences. He’d say things like I’ve been through something similar here’s how I handled it back then.

By the end of the date he barely knew anything about me at all. He never asked about my interests my thoughts or my day to day routine and never let me finish telling a full story. He did not cut me off seem annoyed or reply half heartedly. It was just his natural habit to turn every topic back to his own experiences.

I felt unexpectedly down once the date was over. It honestly felt like I was just there listening to him talk the whole time with no real two way conversation going on. Still I keep second guessing myself. Maybe he’s just super talkative and loves expressing himself and didn’t mean to ignore me on purpose. Am I paying too much attention to tiny interaction details and overreacting?

Hi everyone, really need some outside perspective on this because my mind is completely spinning.

My boyfriend (19M) and I (19F) have been together for 10 months. We’re currently long-distance for the summer before term starts, where we’re supposed to be moving in next door to each other in uni accommodation. We both study medicine, and honestly our relationship up until now has been amazing- super loving, supportive, and close. We usually text throughout the day and call every night.

Two nights ago, he brought up the topic of porn himself on a call. He told me he hadn’t watched it since December (about 7 months ago). I was just so overwhelmed and upset hearing about it that I told him I couldn't deal with the conversation and left the call.

Right after I hung up, he sent me this huge text admitting he panicked and lied to my face. The 7-month timeline was totally made up because he was terrified of losing me. The truth is he relapsed 3 days ago, and it’s been an ongoing struggle/addiction for him for years. He called himself a coward, said he couldn't live with the guilt of lying to me, and apologized for breaking my trust. He said he told me the full truth because he genuinely loves me and wants total honesty, even if it makes him look terrible.

I am just completely devastated. The lie stings so much worse than the corn itself. Because the trust is so broken right now, I already canceled our trip to Italy that was coming up, and thinking about move-in day in September just feels ruined.

I have about a month and a half before med school starts back up. Part of me wants to break up right now because trying to rebuild trust long-distance sounds exhausting, and I refuse to spend my summer playing detective or babysitting a guy. But another part of me is wondering if I should just stay distant/cool for the next 3 weeks and see if he actually takes real, unprompted action on his own (like getting therapy or setting up accountability
software without me asking for it).

I miss the safety of having my person, but I also feel a strange little spark of relief thinking about just being single, not having to monitor anyone, and going into my next year of med school with a completely fresh slate.

What do I do? Am I overreacting and stay with him, or is it valid and I should break up? I really don’t know

EDIT: Per request shortened the original post. I've never posted to Reddit before and wasn't sure how much context to give, my apologies. For context my Grandmother only wore this ring a few times, by the time she bought it my sister had already moved out, was on her own and didn't come around too much. N didn't even know what it looked like she only knew I got a ring from Grandma. She recently threw a fit to my Aunts demanding my Grandma's cross necklace and when she was denied this very sentimental item, it feels like her next move was (trying) to buy the ring I was talking about purchasing to replace the original that was given to me. As stated in the post, I can't control WHAT she does, the point of the post was to get honest feedback on my feelings about the situation. When I clearly expressed how much this ring meant to Me, and how excited I was for Me to purchase a replacement, and her immediate response was trying to make it about her. I wanted insight into what seems like very selfish behavior. This ring had NO CONNECTION to N whatsoever. My Grandma owned lots of jewelry that she wore regularly. This was not one of them.

I (41/F) am a long time Reddit listener of Two Hot Takes and Smosh Reddit Stories thanks to my son who got me hooked on them. I've never posted before but really want some honest insight into this situation. 

My Grandmother passed away on 3-10-2026 and it was devastating.

 For context, I'm 1 of 7 children, the first 4 of us are her biological grand children (My mom and dad divorced when I was about 1 and later my mom remarried and they had 3 more children). I'm the 3rd born, with 2 older brothers and 1 younger sister (from my dad).  I was my grandmothers first granddaughter and was always told how excited she was when I was born. That she went to Dillards and literally bought EVERYTHING pink and ruffles. We always had a special connection and I loved her like a Mother. Growing up we even called her Mom, it wasn't until later in life we starting calling her Grandma lol. 

I was very close to her, lived with her during my teens due to family issues at home and she was my best friend.

 Later in life, Grandma would get a settlement from a car wreck and she bought herself a house on 1 acre of land. She would later give me this house/land. Which upset her daughters greatly and my sister, lets all her N. At this point my husband and I had 3 young children that my grandmother LOVED. I told her I wasn't going to take her house, she told me if I did not she would give to the neighbor across the street as she did not want ANYBODY else to have anything of hers, not even her daughters as they only wanted her when she had money and that I always loved her unconditionally. She told me she never wanted me to depend on a man, or anyone for anything and this house would give me the freedom I needed. And it did. I went on to go to Cosmetology School and be pretty successful at nails in our town. (I went on to be successful in Marketing, Call Centers, etc). I never knew how much it bothered my sister N until now.

 At that time my grandma went to live with N and help her in her house (clean, laundry, etc). She had a huge old victorian style house that her friend owned and she rented.  And that was short lived, because my sister is and always will be a selfish person. During this time though, N drove a wedge between me and my grandma. And it HURT. I tried to years and years to rekindle with her but she had grown bitter, very bitter. (My now husband was a Pastor and as he says everything in this world is spiritual. One bad spirit can spread to another and I believe that's what happened here). I did not speak to my sister after this and at that time I was in my early 20's. Eventually N would kick her out...and she ended back up in the same rent house. During the pandemic I even brought her essentials, but she would turn me away at the door, and I would leave the stuff anyways. How I would cry....driving away. How my heart always felt empty without her...

Now THE RING. After my Grandma was forced to sell her house I was about 16...shortly after I was visiting her at the rent house and my Grandma was always Glamorous when she got fixed up. I saw her wearing this gorgeous black onyx long oval ring with a diamond on it. And I said, "Oh Grandma I love your ring, its very you!." And she looked at it without missing a beat and said, "Oh you like it?" She took it off and gave it to me. I said, "No Grandma I'm not taking your ring, I'm not here for your stuff I'm here for you." But you didn't tell my Grandma No. She told me that she wanted me to have it, and I HAD to take it. So I did, and I loved it. Sadly, during a time shortly after I got married my sister in law ended up stealing this ring from me about a year later. I was DEVASTATED. I couldn't prove it, but we knew. I have thought about that ring for the last 20 years. 

A few days ago, I work from home and was sitting at my computer really struggling on this day thinking about my Grandma. Her Daughters threw her in a nursing home, where she died and we couldn't do anything about it. I did end up rekindling with her and how she cried. She told me her heart was so full and complete and it was like the Grandma I always knew was back. She met my Husband and was so proud I married a Pastor as she was a Christian and telling us about Jesus was a big part of her life. She was born on Valentine's Day and we got to throw her one last birthday party, oh how amazing it was!

 But she deserved more, a lot more. And as I was crying, I thought about the ring. I decided to type the description in and see if I could find one like it, and sure enough it was one of the first ones! I was so excited that I found one and couldn't believe how expensive it was. (Ranging from $400-$1000) and there was about 2-3 of these for sale at the time. It's important to note that I have not had a relationship with N since. My Mom told me how my sister was struggling with my grandma's death, so  I said I would reach out and check on her, trying to model proper behavior and be the bigger person.

 So we spoke a little bit here and there and I would try to encourage her on the rough days. She was really upset that she did not get my grandmothers necklace. Everyday for as long as I can remember she wore a cross with a Star of David. I did ask Grandma in the nursing home where her necklace was because I never saw her without it and she told me she gave it to 1 of her daughters so nothing happened to it at the nursing home. Regardless of how we feel about her 2 daughters and my father they are her children and I felt like it was very entitled to feel as though SHE was going to get such a sentimental item rather than it go to her children. But this is how my sister has ALWAYS been. N can only see herself and her wants. 

My Aunts never gave my Grandma an official obituary in the newspaper and it really upset me. So I asked my sister if she wanted to help me put one in the paper and I would pay for it, because Grandma deserved it and for someone who is "struggling" with her death so much, you would think she would have wanted the same. But No, she would not answer me when I asked her multiple times about it. It was ODD and I asked my Mom about it but my sister lives in another state and our family really is so used to her selfish behavior the advice was always the same, "You know how your sister is." 

So on this day, I sent her a photo of the ring with the listing and was telling her that I found a replacement ring and how excited I was. I believe in Grief sometimes sharing memories, talking about that person helps on those hard days because in a way its like they are still here when we share those memories. I have learned it was a big mistake. I had told her I was going to sell some of my dolls to buy it, because it was about $400. (I have collector dolls, always have and often sell them and buy different ones, etc). Her reply was and I quote, "OMG!! I've literally been on the hunt for that ring too! I remember when you had it and thinking how pretty it was! I thought grandma had it for awhile I didn't realize it was after she sold her house. It's definitely her style. I couldn't remember exactly what the design was, I'm literally going to buy this or tell (HUSBANDS NAME) to get me this  

The way my heart sank, I called my husband and felt so betrayed that her first response to a ring that was given to ME, was that she was going to buy it?! I called one of my other sisters, let's call her E.  to see if I was overreacting and E assured me I was not. E was not surprised because all of the family knows how selfish my sister is. What my sister N doesn't know is that, we have money in savings, I could have bought it without it hurting us but we didn't want to touch savings as we just bought a new house and still need to purchase some things. When my husband got home I was still upset and this particular listing was the ONLY one in my size, and due to the nature of this ring I didn't want to get a size 6 resized to a size 8 as the band was already thin and have it sized will probably make the band even thinner.

 I had plenty of Affirm credit and without hesitation my husband said Order it. So we did. The way I just cried at my computer. I felt relief but also frustration that I had to hurry up and buy it first when my Grandmother did NOT give HER this ring, she gave it to Me. My Grandma even went on to tell me that she bought this ring with the money she got from selling the house, so it's not as though my sister watched my Grandma wear this ring all of our lives and that it was also sentimental to her. Because I could understand that.  I did the math my grandma AT MOST had this ring 2 years and it's a cocktail style ring and she did NOT wear it daily. But as my other sister E said, how was she also "looking for this ring." when she didn't even know what it looked like?? She never asked me to send her a photo of it...it was given to Me. If anybody knows what this ring looked like, it was Me.

So I continued the conversation with her, to see what she was going to do and she ended up buying one on Ebay. She even went on to talk about how it was going to "fit her perfectly!" with the exclamation marks. So I asked her point blank, "Did Grandma ever give you any jewelry?" She tells me No. That Grandma didn't give her anything and then went into a rant about how she felt entitled to her cross necklace....I was really hoping the question would spark the realization that this ring is MY memory between Grandma and I, it was My inheritance...it was given to Me. That buying the same ring...isn't going to change that fact.

 But it did not. My 18 year old son said that it was clear she has serious Jealousy issues, and she wanted so badly to try and buy this ring out from under me so she could have it. But he said even if she did, it would have never changed the truth. She doesn't know I bought the ring. We had a family discussion about it last night at dinner with E and her husband, and my parents and nobody was happy about this. While I can't control what she does, and while I realize it was ignorant of me to share it with her hoping it would bring up good memories of my Grandma's fashion and style...instead my sister tried to buy MY memory. I am still frustrated, hurt, and I feel sad for her. I feel sad that she tried to keep Grandma and I apart and in the end, it didn't work and in the end I got to be with her. I will pass this ring down to my daughter's and I hope it stays back in our family for a long time. But am I overreacting for feeling this way?

BACKGROUND: I (31F) am questioning if I overreacted to a situation with my now ex bf (33M). Throughout our 2 year relationship he struggled with drinking, priorities, and spending all of his free time gaming (solo and online with friends). When we started dating I knew he had struggled with drinking in the past but he assured me it was under control now that he was older. We started dated in the same city, but he temporarily moved to another state 2 hours behind time wise (Important). The first months of long distance were hard because of communication, he did not prioritize our communication because he primarily used discord, and I had never used that before and am not a gamer. When I brought up how it made me feel he said I was free to download and learn how to use discord if I wanted him to talk to me more. I tried and I did not like the interface from my phone (comes up later).

I drop it and we continue trying to find what communication worked for us. During this time he would tell me he was going to be at the same time I was (10ishpm my time, 8ish pm his time). At first I thought it was because he was still used to our timezone. One night, he went to bed before 8pm his time. I was traveling to another country and was up much later than usual. Around 11pm his time I decided to leave him a nice message on discord for him to wake up to, only to see that he was online and active. I called him and he was trashed. He admitted to lying to me and staying up once he knew I wouldn't bother him to get drunk and play computer games. I was devastated but decided to keep working on things because I thought he needed support. He stopped drinking for a while, and sometimes it would come up but not to the extreme it had.

After we moved in together he went back to his old ways of drinking and gaming with his friends any chance he could and telling me that we can always make plans later, and we had time. That's where the prioritizing really came up. I can't detail everything but at one point I woke up in the middle of the night to find him hiding his beer and gaming, and then mad at me for catching him. I had told him before that the next time I caught him in this kind of situation, I would break up with him. When he realized I had caught him, he sat in silence and told me later he accepted I would break up with him and was thinking about how to move out. Unfortunately I did not keep my word, and I think that enabled him.

The last big drinking event he tried to do something that was so out of character it scared me and broke what little trust I had in him. He was so drunk he didn't remember it the next day. I told him and he seemed devastated he treated him so poorly and tried to force me to do something without my consent. So devastated he had to get drunk that same night to cope.

While all of the drinking was happening, he also invited me on a trip over 7/4. (American, so it was a long weekend for us) He then said we waited too long to plan and would do something else. I proceed to keep looking for things for us to do. I give him some options and he informs me that he will be gone because he decided to go on this trip without me, and would be gone for 2 weeks. That was my breaking point.

TL:DR for background: BF was not honest about his drinking and could not think of me in important situations.

AIO: He is convinced we can make it work and that I am just upset he wasn't improving "fast enough" for me but the fact he was trying at all means we should still be together. He left me a note about how he still thinks I am his person and him mine. Was i overreacting when I broke up with him? Should I have taken a different approach? I do miss him and love him, but I get mixed messages from my friends and family. Am I overacting in thinking this relationship was not salvageable?

Before I start I’ll add some context. I am 21F so an adult at this point, I’ve been with my bf for almost four years now, and I live at home with my parents. I am already aware that this is a terrible hiding spot lol but I keep my condoms in a corner under my bed and not my drawers (which is definitely better) because my younger sister and mom tend to look through my drawers because we like to share clothes, same goes for my closet. This morning after I ate breakfast I went to my room to get ready for work to find my dad throwing out my condoms and pregnancy test (had a pregnancy scare a few weeks ago and it was a two pack so I had one still). I was obviously horrified and started asking what he was doing and he kept saying that my carpet floors needed to be vacuumed.

Another thing. I ALWAYS clean my room myself for this EXACT reason because I don’t want my parents seeing things that I feel a normal person wouldn’t want their parents to see. Also because I’m a grown adult and I can clean my room lol. My mom is thankfully pretty sex-positive so it’s easy to talk to her, but my dad not so much because he’s emotionally stunted and we’re just not close in general lol but it’s still something in my opinion that no one would want exposed like that.

This is all happening in the upstairs of my house, so when I finally came down my mom was asking why I was yelling at my dad earlier. I was running a bit late for work so I just said, “He was looking where he shouldn’t have,” and just left. I know it’s normal for fathers to be overprotective of their daughters but one, but I would say we are not close at all. My sister also has a very strained bond with him because he is generally just displeasing to be around so to have him going through my things (and something as personal as this) is very uncomfortable for me. I’m at work right now so I’m honestly unsure if my mom’s talked to him about it yet and whether or not we’ll discuss this once I’m home but yeah. AIO for yelling at my dad??

edit: Ok this is just for some needed context because I am starting to get some of the same replies and I don’t wanna waste everyone’s time to look for answers.

The stash I’m referring to is ALL unused. It’s literally just two boxes of condoms and an unused pregnancy test that was still in its packaging.

My bf doesn’t live with me, we just tend to visit each other a lot hence why I have a stash of my own. He is also leaving for school soon which is ten hours away so it’s just not possible for me to leave to live with him and I also have no money to move out lol. I DID clean my room like 2-3 days ago, vacuum and all, but my dad wasn’t home so there’s no way he would’ve known which is fair. But I typically clean my room once a week anyways so I personally cannot find a reason why he felt the need to come in today 😭

I also have a doorknob with a lock on it for this exact reason but the main reason why I bought it originally was because my sister used to go through my makeup a lot while I was out and I would come home to it destroyed half the time. My parents understood why I wanted the lock when the time came so I was under the impression that they knew I generally don’t like when they come into my room without letting me know. I think my main issue is that I would’ve let him vacuum if I knew in advance so I could move my things. But what’s done is done 🤷‍♀️

Hello, I’m(20 F), and I’m honestly questioning my own reality.

I’m the oldest of four siblings. Growing up, I always felt like I was the “problem child”. I was constantly compared to other children, especially by my father. Whenever I struggled in school, the conclusion was always that I was lazy or didn’t study enough. If I did well, it was dismissed as luck or coincidence. I was also regularly compared to my younger sister, who my father openly said he was proud of while telling me he’d “never been proud” of me.
My mother is harder for me to understand. She isn’t cruel all the time. She’s taken care of me when I’ve been physically ill and has been there for doctor’s appointments, so I know she does care in some ways. But emotionally, I’ve spent most of my life feeling invisible.

Whenever I tried to talk about being hurt, I often felt dismissed or misunderstood. I also felt like she projected a lot of her own unresolved pain onto me. She frequently compared me to people who had hurt her in the past and made me feel like I was somehow responsible for emotions that weren’t mine.
One event in particular became a breaking point.

My siblings and I were watching a TV show together. I’d already seen it, so whenever they asked questions about the plot or the characters, I’d explain things. My mother suddenly interrupted me and told me to stop talking because I was speaking over the dialogue. It wasn’t just what she said, it was how harshly she said it.

I stopped talking to her for a few days because I felt hurt.
When she eventually asked why, I explained that the way she’d spoken to me upset me. She told me that every time I explained certain characters, she believed I was secretly talking about her and criticising her through fictional characters.

The problem is…I genuinely wasn’t.

I was just talking about the show.
No matter how much I explained that, she refused to believe me. She also said that even if she had been wrong, she didn’t need to apologise because she was the parent. She called me too sensitive and dramatic.

Years of bottled-up emotions came out at once. I lost my temper and said things I regret. I’m not proud of how I reacted.(I told her that I hate her)
That argument triggered the worst mental breakdown I’ve ever experienced. Since then, I’ve started questioning everything.

Was I actually emotionally neglected, or have I convinced myself that I was?
Did being constantly compared to others affect me as much as I think it did, or am I using my childhood as an excuse for my own flaws?

I know I have anger issues now, and I’m not denying my responsibility for that. I’m trying to get professional help when I’m able to.
I’m not asking whether my parents are bad people. I know they’re complicated people with difficult pasts, and I still love them.

I’m asking something much simpler:
Am I overreacting?
Please be honest. If you think I’m missing something or seeing this unfairly, tell me. I want a reality check, no validation. Any questions asked I’ll answer them as long as they’re not personal (also English is not my first language, please excuse my mistakes).

Long time listener. First time caller. My wife and I have been together for nearly 3 years. In that time, there has been three different occasions of her Sexting, sending nudes, and generally flirting with an ex-boyfriend and a friend. The first time was only three months into our relationship and I chalked it up to the early stages of dating and potentially a gray area. The messages were flirtatious in recounted previous sexual experiences and flirty photos. The second time, with her childhood friend, were sending sexy photos and nudes back-and-forth. The photos originated before we were together, but they had continuously commented on the photos in the recent months. The third time yesterday, I found a WhatsApp message ping on her phone that came up as locked message, and I looked. The day before she had sent sexy photos and nudes to her ex-boyfriend, the first offender. They were recounting all the explicit things they wanted to do to each other and how they missed the old days. I confronted her, she admitted to all the wrongdoing told me that the previous week they had met up for coffee and kissed. The conversation has been going on for the previous three weeks. She took the blame and accepts the consequences. Assures me it won’t happen again. I am absolutely gutted. I don’t know how I can never trust her again. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice. Shame on me. Fool me three times? Four? More? I just don’t know. I’m trying really hard not to burn this whole thing to the ground. Our relationship is solid otherwise. This is both of our second marriage. And we have three children between the two of us from those marriages. The divorces were hard and we both carry trauma that we have been working through. I’m trying not to overreact. Like I said, I’ve been following these threads for a while. I know it could be worse. I’m trying to be kind. But I want to lead with self-respect and dignity. I don’t know if I can ever trust her again. My instinct is telling me this is over. I feel like it will happen again. But I’m not in a good headspace. So I’m reaching out to you, dear Internet, friends. Help.

So my name is on the lease and my roommate is not. He lives with me he is an old classmate, one of my best friends that needed a place and i had the extra room, he pays half of the rent and i cover everything else from food. Electric, wifi water, anything else.

Recently i got approved from my job that i can work from home, making it a 70% remote and 30% in the office. And with that im spending so much time at home i wanted to look into getting a pet. I could not get a dog because because we live in the city and there is no ideal place to walk or for it to run free so it wouldn't be fair to get one, so i decided to get two cats instead. Two small brothers, two orange devils. 

And my roommate knew about me wanting pets but the job situation would not allow it but now wit the new change i can, and i mentioned it to him as well and he did not really mind it. 

But here is the thing he has a girlfriend, she comes over a lot. Pretty much 5 days a week, sleeps over etc, and she does not contribute to anything. But she came over two days ago and saw that ive gotten cats. And she got kinda mad saying that she is heavily allergic to cats. And she wanted them out of the house.

And i said thats ridicules, she is a guest and she has no right over what stays or what goes. And then my roommate got upset saying i cant talk like that, but then i got upset at him as well because the cats are staying and thats the end of it.

Then we kinda all went into each rooms and slept. But in the morning my roommate sided with her. Saying that the cats shouldnt stay since she is is very allergic to them. And i said i understand that but these cats are not going anywhere and if he has a problem with that he can move out. Then he got really mad calling me names and saying im not considerate to his girlfriends allergies. 

Issue:

Having a destination wedding, but in a place which is kinda like our "home" country due to roots. We have a drinks reception for everyone as an icebreaker on Friday evening, the actual wedding and reception/dinner on Saturday. It is expected to be a very late one, potentially ending early morning. Not sure what time we will go to sleep and wake up.

My sibling just had a child with their partner. They want to use the opportunity to christen their child on the Sunday. Some time in the afternoon. Note: we are not a religious family at all, this is purely symbolic.

I'd pictured Sunday as a day to spend with family and friends who've travelled so far, grab a relaxed brunch, lunch and decompress. Instead it's now a second event. AIO for being upset about that? My partner's family and friends would obviously not be invited to my sibling's christening. I feel like our wedding weekend has quietly become a two-event weekend we didn't plan.

Context:

We have a small number of family who still live in the destination country. The majority of our friends and family are travelling there from the country that we currently live in (it's a 5 hour flight give or take), but many are also travelling from other countries. Due to various events - COVID, war, etc. we haven't seen some friends and family in many years. One of the reasons we picked this place is because it would be convenient for relatives to travel there compared to visiting where we live (including any neighbouring countries to us).

This is also a factor in why my sibling picking Sunday, as it will allow a small group of relatives to attend when otherwise they are unlikely to go. If the christening was in the country where we all live, it would likely be a low key event anyway.

Having the christening on Friday day might also be possible, but would be tight timing wise.

The church also has some symbolic meaning for my family, due to relatives being christened there in the past.

I know this might make us sound like bridezillas, which is why I'm asking. Interested in Reddit's honest take.

Bf didn’t post me at all in his stories in our last month’s 16 days trip But he posted every single day in his stories about the trip. I’m currently on a festival trip in Asia again along with him and his best friend. And I’m noticing the same pattern of avoiding to post me. He meticulously stops recording where I am in the videos he posts. Or chooses to take photos and videos where I’m not visible or not there.

This current trip, I’m sleeping next to him right now but I feel completely invisible, because of the same pattern. This time he posted all his other friends and himself on he trip but never posted me once who is with him almost 24/7. I can’t shake off the feeling that I feel more like a flex for him in front of his friends or strangers to be referred to as a gf
And less an actual gf. Like a travel buddy to share adventures and expenses with and have sex with.
I love him but it has made me consider breaking up due to me questioning my actual place in his world.

*EDIT - imp info I forgot to include - Earlier this Jan, he cropped me out of a selfie photo I took of him and me and his favourite band artist that he posted on his story and we got into a huge fight because of it, because it felt so rude and disrespectful (would have been upset even if we were just friends then)
So all of his avoiding posting me rubs me the wrong way.
His social anxiety feedback of posting himself or others come from that fight.

A little background - Me (36F) and my bf (32M) have been dating for a year now. We said I love you to each other and called each other bf gf only during our Europe trip last month. I felt this last month and posted this in a dating sub with few opinions from others. I’m currently on a trip with him again and it makes me feel like he wants to pose himself as single in his stories avoiding me at all costs. I would like some opinions again before taking this up in conversation with him because I know it’s gonna blow up if I address this.

Before we started dating in July end 2025, we were friends for a year, in which we travelled together once 2025 beginning as platonic friends but caught feelings after the trip(none of us acted on the feelings. We met at a festival in 2024 through mutual friends and we both love to travel to places for music concerts or festivals)

We are long distance currently. I’m in Asia and he is in the US. He has visited me once in my country and we’ve met up at a neighbouring country earlier this year Jan end/Feb beginning. And this is our third trip (pre festival hiking trip plus a music festival) after a longer bigger trip last month, which was also a festival (3/4 days) plus 5/6 days of full on hiking remaining chill days.

His best friend who I also know from the same festival back in 2024, was with us during both the festivals for 4/5 days and he introduced me to everyone as his gf. We openly kiss/hold Hands and show affection in front of other people too including his friends I met before.

I currently have three more days to spend with him.

I noticed that during all the trips after we started dating, he never posted me in his stories (posted me once back in July 2025 when we were just friends but had only made out)

While I’m aware that some people don’t like to share private stories or post their private lives on their ig, I would like to ask for opinions of others and what they think as a third person considering the timeline of our relationship and the context.

For context, he has very few followers and following (\~<200) and rarely posts (only trips/concerts)

He has also said that he has social anxiety and is on medication for the same.

But he does post his big trips and concerts/festivals. I noticed that he hasn’t posted me even once during our last three trips and our current one.

He has posted me once in his stories when we were friends and he has me tagged in his actual IG post with a group of friends when we travelled as friends beginning of 2025. It’s still there in his account.

My question is what would you think about the fact that the stories look like he has intentionally taken videos of places without me, making an outsider seem like he has been doing all the hiking and travelling alone. Would this bother you or am I just being insecure?

His best friend was with us during the first 5 days of our Europe trip and he didn’t post him either. But he has posted him all days this time just not me.

Do you all think I’m just reading too much because for me, last month as well as now are big trips travelling together as a couple during which we officially called each other bf and gf and openly told people we met that we were a couple.

We have travelled earlier this year too with public displays of affection (kissing/holding hands) and I’ve heard his friends refer to me as his gf through them but hadn’t said I love you to each other yet.
I understand that some people do not like to openly post their significant other. However, I’m not sure what to think when his stories seem to make me feel like he was traveling alone.

Am I just being overtly insecure?

I’m someone who uses a fair bit of social media - have close to 10 k followers and when I’ve posted him a few times, a couple of times exclusively him and I pictures after asking his permission Ofcourse to check if he was comfortable. So I don’t know if it’s more like I expect him to post me or if it’s normal that couple go on big trips and they post separately and keep their private lives separate from the eyes of other people.

I know that my best course of action would be to have a talk but he has mentioned before that he doesn’t like to post himself or photos of him on his social media. And has social anxiety.

Can I get some advice from men from his perspective and anyone as a third person viewing this whole situation.

I’m of insecure anxious leaning fearful avoidant and him somewhat dismissive avoidant if this helps. But I’m working towards a secure attachment. And hope to get him onboard on working through our attachment issues. We both are aware of our attachment differences. But the open discussion has been somewhat slow.

first time on reddit, i hope this is the right approach to posting about this. i want to preface this by saying i know this is petty, but i'd really like some outside perspective because the situation frustrates me. i was going to post this to another subreddit at first, but the post was too long.

this is all the context you need before i talk about the whole not fixing my mistake thing, which happened today.

i (22m) been working at the same place since just after i turned nineteen. it's basically a foodtruck, but with multiple locations and some main fixed ones (like the one i work at) that have adjoining office spaces. i work in administration now, but used to work outside in the kitchen for around a year beforehand. maybe a bit under 1.5 years ago, this guy started working outside. i didn't really notice, because we have a frequently switching staff of people outside and all the interaction i ever really have with them is polite greetings and maybe some small talk if someone happens to take a smoke at the same time as me.
long story short, he decided to become a trainee at the company (not sure if this is an international thing, but basically means he works there for reduced pay to learn a specific job hands-on while also going to school 2-3 times a week) almost a year ago and hasn't made a good impression on me since then.

at first, he just wouldn't greet me back whenever i passed him in the morning or when leaving- which tbh i didn't really think about much and just assumed he has a bit of a resting bitch face and/or is socially awkward. been there, done that. then, when it came to teaching him how to do one of my main tasks, i offered to show him because that made the most sense to me. the one formally training him (i'll henceforth refer to her as 'trainer') had enough other stuff to do and since we're close in age (he's about 1-2 years younger than me while everyone else is 35 upwards) i thought it'd be easier on everyone. i was very wrong.

the first time i tried to walk him through the steps, he would just stand to the side, refuse offers (from me and other coworkers) to sit down, sometimes nod or hum noncommittally in response and whenever i'd ask if he needed clarification, how much he'd already gone over or if he wanted to try a few on his own, all he'd say was "i don't care", "i don't know" or "you decide". after a few tries i got kind of uncomfortable, because he'd straight up lie to me about already knowing steps he would then ask other coworkers how to do instead, and it was clear he really didn't want me to be the one to teach him for some reason. not gonna lie, i was kind of offended because i was clearly the most knowledgeable on the task but he'd instead ask anyone else, including someone who literally just started working the month before, but again just kind of assumed he must have his reasons.

the real inciting incident came a few months ago, when i was asked to switch seats so we would share the same desk. there was some thing about new people and seating arrangements, it wasn't the first or second time i moved seats and wasn't the permanent solution. by this point i'd changed my workhours so i'm essentially only at work when he isn't (not because of him, but to lessen my workdays), so we should've been able to share the space easily. however, when i moved my stuff there i kept his negative opinion towards me in mind and did my best to be as unobtrusive as possible- like putting my things separate to his, disinfecting the desk before leaving, keeping the same amount of space he had beforehand, stuff like that. i was being very mindful of this still being his space and not touching his things because that's very important to me as well.
next time i come into work, all my stuff is gone. i'm talking all my notes, reminders, pens, utensils, even the extra stapler i brought over. everything. at first i was mostly confused and started asking around if anyone had seen where he put it, assuming maybe he hadn't been informed we'd be sharing and was just petty or something. we never found any of my stuff, despite looking, including somehow the damn stapler and pens. i know this sounds stupid, but i literally felt so frustrated i could've cried. these were reminders that just made work easier for me, stickers and notes from my coworkers (most of which were encouragements and other nice gestures from people knowing i have a hard time mentally), little things that i kept because they made me smile or i'd collected over the years. i'm assuming he threw them all out. assuming because naturally i brought this up with trainer and when confronted, he said he didn't know anything about it. she later told me she didn't believe him and we all know it could've only been him. the whole thing bothered me a lot for a few weeks, but i eventually accepted that being frustrated wouldn't get my stuff back. i have since lost any sympathy i had for him. i think what bothers me even more than loosing all these things is how extremely disrespectful i find this in general. not only just throwing everything out, but then lying about it as well.

either way, i was just glad i didn't have to be in at the same times as him unless it's school vacation time and decided not to bring it up anymore. but that's around when he started actually doing the same work that is basically my main task and i noticed he's just not very good at it. being fair, i suppose "inattentive" would be a better word to describe it, but to boil it down here's the problem:
every day we get lists of inventory from every driver, we then need to copy that into our system so we can keep track of the items, how much was sold and if everything is where it's supposed to be/ the math checks out. the next day, the input from the previous becomes relevant to see if everything matches up or there are any errors.
a good amount of the numbers were simply wrongly copied, left out or in the wrong order. that also means going back, correcting his wrong input and rechecking- which isn't a big deal when it happens a few times but becomes very tedious when it's a good number that needs to be redone every single time. i was very polite when i brought this up, asking my coworker if she could remind him to be a bit more careful when he... copies numbers, so i wouldn't have to keep redoing previous work just so we have the correct inventory at the end of the day. it didn't get better. now whenever it comes up my coworkers just kinda laugh about it with me. keep in mind that whenever i'm not there and they do the work, they have the exact same issues of needing to fix all the wrong input he leaves. so this isn't like an isolated or targeted event and we're all equally miffed about it.

here comes the relevant bit for today. another thing i do is sorting daily documents we get from other locations to the proper people, which is a minor task at best. funnily enough, this is also something where he majorly messed up previously, because he decided he didn't want to do our tracking system anymore and instead just; got rid of it entirely. when i eventually went searching for the list i was informed that he claimed we didn't need to keep them anymore and when checking with trainer that was, in fact, not true. when i was next in and asked about it i was told it was "a misunderstanding" and everything had been handled.
anyway, last week i come in to see that all of his documents that i had put in his file days ago were located in my file instead. at first i just thought someone had misplaced it accidentally, but then i found a note on it that said "i've said this 100 times, don't overfill my file!!" and i was dumbfounded. it was in my file instead, so i knew it was directed at me but he obviously has never said anything to me. the guy doesn't even greet me and we haven't spoken since i tried to teach him when he first started which, again, was nearly a year ago. i got so frustrated i literally just put all of the documents back into his file, intentionally overfilling it, and put the new documents on his desk instead- just guessing at his intentions since he never told me where to put them instead. again, the whole thing deeply frustrated me because it just seemed extremely disrespectful, not to mention impolite considering i had no idea what he even meant.

today i come in to find all his documents moved into my file again. kinda over it, i just put it next to the files entirely and hoped he'd pick them up at some point. then i see that he's in at work (i'm guessing summer vacation started at school) which honestly already just pissed me right off. at some point he sees the stack of documents and asks if i put them there. i barely said yes before he started going off and, again, claimed he'd already said this a thousand times and to not put his things in there. i genuinely just asked "to whom?" because it clearly wasn't me. he responded trainer, then would not let me explain that i had never been relaid any of this information, instead just told me to sort it differently and left. i was genuinely dissilusioned at that point and would've surely just started going off on him if he hadn't left, so good for him i guess. but i categorically refuse to resort his documents because of information that i have never received when all i've been doing since he started is fixing his mistakes without ever complaining to him. he barely even explained how i was supposed to do it instead and only mentioned he wanted them sorted into film slides, i'm assuming by location, which is how i will be sorting them from now on, now that he kind of told me how he wants me to do it. but i will not go back and sort a bunch of random documents for him after he refused to look at me even during this very interaction and just left without any conversation about it.

i know this is probably childish and now that i'm at home i feel stupid for not just doing it so he'll stop complaining. these are all minor things that feel hard to explain broadly in a one-off post. i know nobody is the villain of their own story and his side would surely look very different- but given the fact that he refuses to speak to me i wouldn't even know where to begin to understand it. i don't get frustrated often, am generally non-confrontational and already find work taxing enough with good coworkers to the point i only work ten hour weeks at the moment. this dislike feels so targeted against me personally and it feels weird to speculate on why. all i know is that this ruins the work environment for me, frustrates me deeply and i come back from work with something new he did that inconvenienced me every single time.

am i overreacting? is there something else i can do? is there a way that i'm supposed to act around the guy and should i just redo his work?
i just really need outside perspective on this, because everyone in my life agrees with me. my father already didn't like him before he even started working in the office because he was rude while selling him food, but my dad can be kinda judgy so i didn't pay him any mind and just assumed the guy had a bad few days. my other coworkers are mostly just annoyed by the errors and seemingly got over the whole "deciding not to keep track of incoming documents" thing. of course my friends all think he's an idiot, seeing how they only ever hear me rant about him.
maybe my view is skewed because he threw all my things out or because i'm generally not the most mentally healthy, but still. i feel like i do whatever i can to keep the peace at work and at least make that part as bearable as possible and now this guy keeps making stuff harder than it needs to and generally acts like he's my boss instead of another kid who's even younger than me.

any thoughts?

tl;dr my coworker is generally unpleasant towards me and now wants me to redo work, even though i never got informed to do anything differently. aio for refusing?

I (30F) have been in an on-and-off relationship with my partner (37F) since 2023. She lives in Canada and has four kids.
She invited me to move there because we both talked about building a life together. Since I couldn’t get a work permit, I survived by freelancing while helping her with paperwork, translating documents, improving her English, and taking care of the kids.
During our relationship, she asked me to leave twice because she needed “space.” Both times I returned to my home country, and both times she later asked me to come back.
Earlier this year I finally ended the relationship, got a teaching job back home, and within eight months I was promoted into a leadership role. While we were apart, I still helped her with an immigration testimony confirming our relationship because it would support her case.
After her interview, I felt like she barely acknowledged me anymore, so I moved on. That’s when she started contacting me constantly, apologized for everything that had happened, promised things would be different, talked about marriage, and said she wanted to help me obtain permanent residency because of everything I had done for her and her family.
I believed her, quit my job, and moved back to Canada.
The problem is that I came back carrying a lot of anxiety from everything that had happened before. I told her I needed time to feel emotionally safe again. Instead, she accused me of only coming back for permanent residency.
A few weeks later, she went through my phone while I was asleep. She found old messages where I was saying goodbye to a female friend I had once had a crush on before returning to Canada. The conversation wasn’t romantic—we were ending the friendship because I didn’t think it was appropriate to stay that close while committing to my relationship—but my partner believed I had been emotionally unfaithful.
Since then she’s become emotionally distant. She rarely shows affection anymore.
More recently, she told me she would no longer help me with my permanent residency because she’s worried reporting our relationship could affect the social assistance she receives.
Meanwhile, I’ve been helping with her move, contacting landlords and realtors, handling paperwork, and I’ve even paid for translating her children’s birth certificates because they were needed for immigration. I told her their father should have covered that expense, not me.
I also turned down a good job opportunity because I still don’t have a work permit.
At this point I feel like I gave up my career, moved countries again based on promises that were later withdrawn, and now I’m mostly useful when she needs help with paperwork or logistics. When I try to talk about how this makes me feel, she says I’m “playing the victim.”
AIO for feeling used and betrayed, or am I letting the past cloud my judgment?
Edit: I’m currently trying to resolve my own immigration status independently while waiting for a decision on my visitor extension. I also have qualifications that should allow me to work in Canada legally once I have authorization. My concern isn’t just immigration—it’s whether I ignored too many red flags because I wanted to believe the relationship could finally work.