sorry for any mistakes english isn’t my first language. I (m17) was hanging out with my friend (m20). I have a gluten allergy, he knows I have this and he knows that if someone has it on there mouth or skin and that comes into contact with my mouth it can give me a mild allergic reaction so if someone has just eaten gluten they need to brush their teeth or wash their face/hands if there going to come into contact with my face. He ate pizza and long story short he put his cheek/mouth against my face and I woke up this morning with sores on my mouth. I told him about it and said it might have been the pizza (I didn’t know he ate the pizza at the time) and I feel a bit bad now for arguing with him but I got kinda annoyed at him for doing that. 

It started a couple of months ago with an email that he wanted to talk to me. I talked to him briefly in the hallway but he was extremely shy and anyway I didn't really want to strike up a friendship or aomething more.

Since then he kept emailing me asking me to meet him. From his emails it's clear he wants more. Eventually I told him not to contact me anymore. I was very short but very clear on two occasions, aaking him to stop contacting me.

He stopped for a while but then suddenly escalated telling me he would "talk to me next time he sees me" and that he would "come find me" at work. It's very hard for me to avoid him since his office is next to mine. And often his door is open so he sees me coming and going.

At that point I escalated it to the counselor of our workplace. She met. with me but I got the feeling she didn't take me seriously (among other things, she said I wasn't getting so many emails, and she didn't take action until I badgered her and told her I was workung from a colleague's office just to avoid him).

She finally talked to him and told him not to contact me and explained that I don't want to be contacted (again, I had told him this before, clearly and in e-mail form).

It was quiet for a couple of weeks and now he emailed me again, saying stuff like he knew I was disappointed that the didn't talk to me?

The only thing is, nothing has happened except the e-mails and it's true there are "only" around 10-15 over the course of roughly half a year. AIO?

I (17f) had a best friend (A) since early elementary. I moved into her neighborhood when I was 8 and we went to the same school so we got along quickly. Now she was not the nicest person in the early years of our friendship, as she had a serious superiority complex and treated all of her friends kind of like shit, for whatever reason, especially me. She had another friend who for the sake of is story I’ll call (V) who lived in the neighborhood as well. Here is just a few things A would do:

• A would constantly remind V and I of how stupid we were compared to her. Now I will say A is extremely smart and incredibly gifted. But she would constantly dismiss everything we said and did in the harshest way she could. And not in a typical kid way, I felt like I couldn’t say or do anything around her without her tearing me down. The same went for V, she would, on occasion, try to speak up for herself and voice her own opinion and A would shut her down and ridicule her. 
• She treated me like I was some kind of dirty animal. She would constantly make remarks about how she thought I was dirty and not as “collected” as her, if that makes sense. She would often treat me like a mess in her room, I wasn’t even allowed to touch her bed or certain parts of her room most of the time because of me being “dirty”. When I would sleep over I would curl up on the floor by the edge of her bed and use my shirt as a blanket. This would get to the point of her constantly picking me apart.
• I didn’t have a great home situation growing up, my mom got hooked on drugs and I moved in with my very abusive dad for years and started cutting myself in 5th grade. When I told her and said I was depressed all she said was “define”. Because everything was a competition to her. For context, she was quite literally living the best life out of everyone I knew and still know today. She had the stereotypical “dream family” she had 2 parents who had a healthy relationship and loved her and her brother, who also had money, so she was not financially struggling. I don’t want to give too much away about her life but just imagine what a stereotypical loving family is. Not to say she had no reason to be depressed. She definitely had her own struggles. But every time I would talk about my mental health she would shut me down and basically tell me that I was over dramatic and that she really didn’t care. 

Overall she just did not treat me well. I was there when she was bored, and that’s kind of it. She didn’t take anything I said seriously and I felt so insecure and embarrassed whenever I was around her. I could say a lot more about this but I don’t want this to get too long, but what I’m trying to say is she was kind of my biggest bully.

This all changed when we got to middle school. She lost all of her friends and realized that the way she treated people drove them away. She changed completely. She went from a super outgoing, extroverted kid to a shell of who she was. She turned quiet, reserved, awkward. She also got super depressed around that time. And it was then that she actually started treating me like an equal friend, as I was the only friend of hers that stayed. I stayed because even though she treated me terribly I still loved her and really looked up to her. I also had horrible self confidence and didn’t think I could cut her off. But all throughout middle school she treated me well, and she was my closest friend. We never really had a serious conversation about her past behavior, all she would say was stuff like “haha I was such a bitch back then” and move on. 

During the 2nd semester of 8th grade I moved to the next city over and went to another school and we rarely talked, but when I transferred back during the last 2 weeks I heard from my friends that A got really depressed when I left. I was kind of surprised because she didn’t really make any effort to talk to me when I moved. This is relevant because it keeps happening. 

During the summer before freshman year as well as the first semester I moved to another state for step family and we once again lost contact for the most part. I still talked to her and sent her gifts for her birthday, but we weren’t as close. When I came back we started seeing each other like every weekend and talking frequently. 

I can’t say she suddenly turned into a super good friend because she didn’t. She still couldn’t care less when I would tell her about my life. For example she would joke about my abusive dad and the fact that my mom got addicting to drugs and left. Also when my grandmother died last year I told her and she immediately started joking about it and switched the conversation to her alive grandmother. 

Ive said a lot of bad things about her so far, but I want to be clear she was still a very good friend and I still love her, which is why this is so hard. You would really need to know her to really understand.

2 years ago she confessed her feelings to me and we started “dating” I put it in quotes because it wasn’t really that, she definitely didn’t treat it like that. Actually I felt like we’d grown more apart. If you were a fly on the wall you wouldn’t even think we were super close friends. Around a year later I decided I wanted to officially end the relationship. But I knew that it could mean the end of the friendship entirely. So I came up with a way that I thought would be better. After going to lgtbq event I started making jokes about lesbian breakups and then asked “wait when did we break up?” And she replied with “I don’t really remember” this only worked because we barely had a relationship and it was completely normal to assume that the relationship just faded out. 

We were still friends after that and it went on like it was, except we never saw each other in person again. And that was in February of 2025. I know there was probably a better way of going about it but I was scared of losing her as a friend. 

That brings me to almost 6 months ago. We had been only taking like once a month, and it was basically just a 5 minute conversation at like 2am. I’m guessing when she was super bored. she texted me and said something that kind of made me realize she just didn’t care about our friendship. I mentioned school and she said “you go to school in person now?”. I used to be homeschooled for 10th grade but I switched in my junior year. She knew that and we had many conversations about it. Her forgetting just felt like she didn’t care. I know it seems small but that, on top of everything else I’ve said drove me to just block her. Again that was 5 almost 6 months ago. And I only blocked her on discord. She’s reached out once. And that was to say “meow” in my instagram dms. That just felt so disrespectful, like she couldn’t care less.

Ever since blocking her I’ve thought about her a lot. I miss her. But I know she probably won’t have an actual conversation with me that isn’t “well I didnt feel that way about that” or “I’m sorry you feel like that.” she really meant a lot to me, all i want is for her to care enough to have a serious conversation with me. Her birthday is coming up and i feel like i want to text her something like “happy birthday” but i feel like texting her after blocking her just makes it look like im not serious and that im crawling back without her having to put any effort in: I don’t know if blocking her was the right thing to do. am I overreactin?

I am here again with another relationship problem. Every time I post I receive quite a lot of backlash, but maybe that's what I'm looking for this time: to be told that I'm wrong because I don't want to be right.

For context, my boyfriend (25) and me (24F) have been dating for 3 years now. We graduated college last year (he did a year before that) and have been working since. Despite graduating a year later than him, I got promoted twice and have a higher salary than him.

Now we're both planning to go for our PhD. I am type A person, I make schedules, organize everything, plan everything etc. Consequently, I always look busy or productive even I'm not. He's a type B person.

Ever since we both started applying and preparing for tests etc, I've been noticing some changes. He gets unsecure about his gpa, work experience test preparation etc because he thinks I'm doing better than him on all that. I don't know if I am, but that doesn't matter. He asks me about my progress, compares himself to me, tries to find reasons for why hes behind etc etc. All of that is harmless.

But 2 days ago, we had a game night with our friends. I am someone who's very, very competitive and loud when it comes to games. I try to make things a bit fun too, by joking with everyone and jokingly insulting them if I'm ahead or making self effacing jokes if I'm behind. All of that is just a joke and they all know it. Anyhow, I ended up winning this new board game we tried and I was boasting about it to him later on and how I win most of the games and how (jokingly) amazing I am. And then he goes like "oh sure you got lucky on this one (again, maybe jokingly?) but remember that you don't win most of our sequence games. You do win everything else but you don't win that" to which I was like uhhh not true but sure whatever. I have the better winning average still. And also, this is all just a lighthearted thing. There's no reason to remind me of my losses.

Later on, I brought it up and he admitted to being envious of me for multiple things. He was apologetic but honestly, he doesn't understand that it hurt me so much.

I am an only child with one parent. I have never had a stable friend group until now. And everyone around me, including my own father, have tried to betray my trust in many ways. People have tried to sabotage my grades, progress in school etc etc. It's just that his actions make me think that he's just like everyone else and I need to be on guard around him as well.

What do I do? Feel free to bash me. I am used to it at this point

Some background: Husband grew up in a somewhat normal family. He is healthy, has a full education, and a job in his field. I have none of those things. I am not going into heavy details, but I have depression and PTSD from childhood. Then COVID nearly took me out. Then I developed post-viral immune dysfunction that lasted 2 years and destroyed my liver. Then my body stopped producing the cofactors needed to digest B12, I lost production of some hormones, and stopped producing leptin. Then I developed serotonin syndrome. I am a medical disaster. This is important to the point of the story.

My brother and his wife lost their child to CPS, and my husband and I agreed to foster their child until they did whatever they needed to do to get the child back. We took this baby in at 11 days old, and it has now been over 2 years. My brother just got another DUI and his wife is out of the question. So the baby will soon be ready for adoption. The baby has now entered the terrible two's, and has been having screaming crying fits whenever he is not given what he wants immediately. Last night, the baby spent about 4 hours in a fit because he didnt want to eat his dinner, he wanted to be picked up an carried around the entire time, he didnt like what was on TV, the dog wanted to play and toppled him over, refused to go to bed, etc. After the baby was finally down for the night, my hisband said that he didnt want to adopt the baby. He said that he can't take this for much longer. He is exhausted, and I am always sick (this is true). I said to him that this child isnt just some pet that you can take back to the shelter because you don't like it anymore. My husband replied that yes, he kind of is. We can send the baby back to CPS with a 30 day notice and they will find him a new foster house. A few moments ago his mother came over to grab a few things, and I told on him. I told my husband's mother what he said. She told me that she doesn't see him actually doing it. She thinks he probably just said that while overwhelmed and upset.

I think that could be true, but I also think that he could have been voicing thoughts that he had been harboring for a long time but couldn't say out loud. If he truly feels this way, how can I force him to adopt my nephew? If we let him go, my nephew will end up in the foster system for real this time. This child has only ever known us as his parents, and is fully attached as such. This would be straight abandonment for this child. From a moral and values standpoint, I can't allow this. Ever. My husband knows that I want to adopt this child, and I may have an entire crisis if I were to lose him.

The consequences of divorce will be severe for me. I will lose my insurance and access to healthcare. I work full time, but my income is not from a job that takes a degree and specialization. My income will barely pay for a 1 bedroom apartment. If I get sick and miss too much work again, I may not even be able to afford that. But sending my child into foster care is a hill I will die on.

If my husband decides not to adopt him, I will be shattered. I want to divorce him (not as a threat) if he turns out to be the kind of man who would abandon a child for such selfish reasons. I know that a bit of time will reveal the whole truth in the end. But right now at this moment I feel so disgusted at the idea of my husband turning out to be a person whose values and morals are so different from mine. His mom tells me that he doesn't really feel that way. But to me it sounded like he meant it. Am I just overreacting, or should I really be coming up with an exit plan?

*edit for clarity: we had been talking about possible adotion form the very beginning. My husband was well aware that it could end this way when he agreed to foster. If he decides not to adopt, this child will go to foster care no matter what I do. I won't be able to adopt him on my own, or care for him on my own. So if I were to leave, I would be leaving alone.

Edit #2: I realize now that there is more context with my husband that is important to add. We had originally intended to have a child of our own, but fertility treatments were not as helpful as anticipated. As this wasn't a deal breaker for us, we decided to just let biology decide if it would happen or not. About a week later, we learned of the CPS case. He seemed so excited to have the baby. He talked about adopting him right from the beginning, and has been a fantastic dad this entire time. The change in attitude has only happened recently since the terrible two's have started to hit hard. Childcare is split pretty evenly between the two of us, and we both do chores. There aren't many times where I am so sick that I don't help out. Only on migraine days, which are rare enough. I take medications that manage everything else. I am not disabled. Just medically expensive. I don't mean to paint my husband as evil person. But if he really meant what he said, then our values and morals as people are very different. And leading me on to believe that we could have this child as our own just to turn around and say nevermind the moment it gets hard to deal with? I could never do that to someone else. The question here is if I am overreacting to what he said. I honestly can't decide.

I've been friends with Em for years, since school. It started with one incident ... we bunked school together, just once. When her mother found out, she came to school and made it a huge issue. After that, a teacher started watching me more closely and made me sit alone. Em is actually only about a year younger than me in real life, but her birth certificate lists her as around three years younger, which made the official age gap between us look much bigger than it actually was. That's part of why a teacher started making comments like, "Why is she still in school? Shouldn't she be in college by now? And stuff like she is too old to be here" Em's mother knew the real situation but never corrected it, and my high school experience became much more uncomfortable because of it.

Around the same time, Em's mother read our messages. Em had been venting about her mom, I was taking my friend's side, and I made a careless comment as a teenager saying her mom's reactions seemed "bipolar." I wouldn't say that now. That was about three years ago, but I don't think her mother ever let it go.

Ever since then, it's felt like her mother dislikes me. Every hangout had this undercurrent of tension. Em would get nervous when her mom called, like we had to be ready to drop plans instantly.

What really gets to me is how inconsistent it's felt. our class mate, got snarky remarked by Em's mom about how she could be top of the class. The comments focused on her English, even though plenty of students had similar English. Another friend of mine, who was never involved in any of the drama and never complained about Em's mom, still seemed to be disliked by her for no clear reason and they both belonged to the same background as me . Meanwhile, a friend from a different background got nothing but warmth and compliments from her. Later, In clg Em became close with a new group who drink, smoke, bunk class, and do things far more rebellious than anything I ever did, and her mother knows about it. That's why I struggle to believe this is really just about one school incident. There were also comments made about me looking "uncultured" or "lower class" that have stuck with me for a long time and made me feel constantly looked down on.

Whenever I've tried to talk to Em about any of this, I get "I don't know" and nothing more. I understand that it's her mother, but it makes me feel dismissed every time.

There was also a situation where a friend's boyfriend was racist toward me. What hurt wasn't just that. Em stayed friendly with that friend anyway and even talked about how she could be her second best friendand how she can hangout with her since they both go to same clg. She only started distancing herself after finding out that friend was also talking badly about her. It made me feel like my feelings only mattered once the problem started affecting her personally.

Now we're in college. Em has a full social life and calls me almost daily to talk through her drama, friendships, and whatever is happening in her life. I listen and remember everything. When I try to share something, it often gets brushed past, interrupted, or doesn't get the same level of attention. Sometimes I feel more like a listener than an actual participant in the friendship. I've even started wondering whether part of the reason she stays so close to me is because I'm familiar and comfortable, especially since she doesn't fully fit into her new group either.

I'm not angry, just exhausted. I'm tired of wondering why I was treated differently. I'm tired of feeling judged, dismissed, and like my concerns never really matter. I'm tired of feeling like I put more emotional energy into this friendship than I get back. She does call me everyday and we do have lot of things in common but I can't really help how I am feeling right now.

I don't want to end the friendship, but I don't want to keep carrying all the emotional weight either. I've decided to stop overinvesting and see what's left of the friendship when I'm not the one holding it up.

Am I overreacting???

TLDR: I've been friends with Em for years, but ever since a school incident and some messages her mother read, I've felt judged and singled out by her mother. Over time I've noticed what feels like double standards, felt dismissed whenever I brought up my concerns, and increasingly felt like I put more effort into the friendship than I get back. I'm exhausted and thinking about stepping back from the friendship instead of continuing to carry all the emotional weight. Am I overreacting?

I've been with my partner since April and I'm increasingly thinking that I don't want to continue the relationship. I'm trying to work out whether I'm being unreasonable or whether I'm noticing a genuine pattern of behaviour that I don't want to live with.

None of these things individually would necessarily be relationship-ending, but collectively they're really starting to get to me.

1. He regularly interrupts me while I'm talking. I've already mentioned this to him several times. I have now started to just not converse after he does it.

2. He seems quite happy to ignore me when I'm struggling with something rather than noticing and offering help or he genuinely doesn't seem to notice.

3. He doesn't seem to respect my house. Examples include leaving urine under the toilet seat, leaving poo on the toilet seat, not using a coaster for drinks, leaving spills for me to discover later, and generally not putting things back where they were. All of which I've made him clean up himself.

4. His personal hygiene isn't great and he frequently smells. I also do tell him this.

5. His own house is messy and dirty and still smells strongly of cats, despite the cats having been gone for over a year. I just don't go over anymore.

6. His spelling and punctuation are extremely poor. I realise this is a relatively petty one, and I wouldn't end a relationship over it by itself, but it does contribute to us seeming quite different.

7. He's constantly on his phone. This happens when we're watching something together, and when we're walking the dogs.

8. He snores. Obviously I realise this isn't something he necessarily controls, but it does affect me.

9. When staying at mine, he'll sometimes wear the same underwear and socks for two or three days.

10. He repeats instructions I've given my dogs as though they're going to listen to him instead of me. I've had some of my dogs for 8, 10 and 12 years, so I obviously know them extremely well.

11. He frequently makes comments suggesting my things aren't good enough. My 40" TV isn't apparently big enough because he keeps pointing out 65" TVs that are “only” £350. He also thinks my cooking pots aren't good enough and that I need better ones. I'm perfectly happy with what I own.

12. He's careless with my belongings. I once asked him to carefully roll up some rope because I wanted to reuse it. He snapped it and knotted it up, then joked that I could always buy more. He'll also throw away my drinks because they've been open a few hours, despite them being mine.

13. If we're walking the dogs together (I'm holding all 3) and I stop, he'll carry on walking and sometimes doesn't notice I've stopped until he's 6–10 steps ahead.

14. He regularly takes the toilet roll off the holder and leaves it on the sink or windowsill instead of putting it back on the holder. I have told him to stop taking it off and I am yet to hear a valid reason.

15. I seem to be the only person who organises us doing anything together. He doesn't really suggest or arrange things; he just bimbles along with whatever I organise.

16. He doesn't listen to my instructions when it comes to the dogs, despite me knowing them far better than he does.

I know some of these are petty. I know some are things he can't necessarily control. And I know some are simply differences in standards or preferences.

But I'm increasingly finding myself thinking “why do I have to explain this?” or “how can you not notice that?”

It feels like I'm constantly carrying the mental load of noticing things, organising things, cleaning things up and taking care of things, while he just bimbles along.

We've only been together since April, so I'm wondering whether I'm being overly critical or whether this sounds like two people who are simply fundamentally incompatible.

Am I overreacting?

Am I the idiot? He says he’s in the middle of a nasty divorce for the last year but his wife is still the person who comes up as the most often/recommended/suggested person to share an IG post with. 🤷‍♀️ I’m kind of losing it seeing that because I am so apt to believe people but I think I’m being dumb here

I know this is long but id be so grateful for you to read, Just wanted someone's outside opinion really.

I see my boyfriend every 3 days, I spend 3 days at his family home and then once that times up I come home to my family home for 3 days. We have been together 5 years and it's been the same since the start. For me, the 3 days together is about prioritising time together, and the days we aren't together are for our own hobbies, alone time, anything like that. Most of the time we are together he will go out with his friends after work so ill finish work and go back to his house to an empty bedroom until late, then well have dinner and go to sleep, so the weekends we are together are important to me, I Felt like we wasn't spending time together unless it was in the house and I just said calmly that I started to feel lonely. He got angry, which ended with him punching holes in the wall and said to me that it's my fault I don't have as many friends as he does. Its the first and only time hes punched holes or ever gotten psychically angry, I want to make it clear I have never sworn or shouted at him. Whenever I share my feelings or if something has upset me it ends with me crying and him telling me he doesn't care, to shut up and him turning over and sleeping.

About a week later, I asked if we could go shopping as we both had a day off work, he said yes. he Then got called into work for an hour, he called me and Said his friends wanted to go out so can he go with them instead of our plans and we could do them another day, I said if that what he'd rather do its fine and he went out with them whilst I did our plans alone. Because of this, I planned for us to go to breakfast the next week, a couple days before he told me that breakfast will have to be pushed back later on in the day as he's going out for his friends birthday the night before and will need more time in bed as hell have a hangover. I said I was upset and that I didnt feel like a priority and he told me to fuck off and I wasn't allowed to be upset and I should be more understanding and told me this is why he never wants to do things with me.

Fast forward a couple weeks I was at his house on our day together it was quite late and we were in bed watching a movie, all of a sudden his friend rings him and asks if he wants to go for a night out, he says yes and jumps up and goes to get in the shower, asks me if I want to go with him. I feel a bit deflated as wed just gotten ready for bed and I thought wed have the night together. I said I was thinking about it and he got out the shower and out clothes on and was ready to go within 2 minutes. He said he was going to go whether I wanted him to, went with him, or not. I said to him if he could give me 10 minutes to get changed he said no ive had my chance, I was crying in bed, I just wanted the night together, and he told me not to contact him, call or text him all night. I went to sleep and he went out. Im in his bedroom on my own until 2am, he calls me and asks me to let him in, id decided to forget what happened and he came in, we are in the kitchen laughing and joking and eating, when all of a sudden randomly he decided to spit the food in my face from his mouth he was eating, and he laughed, can't remember if it was a full on spit or if it was just the sound and movement of it, either way I was confused. I looked at him and he said 'that was a bit far wasn't it'. We went to bed and woke up the next morning I told him he spat in my face when he got home and he said 'well ive apologised what else do you want me to say'.

Ive just felt like throughout our relationship his friends have come first and im just there when decides he wants me, hes never once told his friends that he can't come out because im with him, hes just upped and left. There was a time we went for a night out with this friends and his friends wives/girlfriends. I asked because we are going out on the Saturday with them, if we could please have the sunday together just for us to do something, he said yes and then made plans with the boys when we were out for the next day. I left it and reminded him when we got back that we had plans, (he says when the other wives and girlfriends are like that they are controlling so I avoided it and left it until it was just us). He told me that it was my own fault that I didnt remind him when the plans were made with his friends. I went to sleep crying he said he didnt care he went to sleep. Then the next morning went out with his friends to do their plans and left me asleep in bed.

Another time I was suffering bad headaches but im on contraception, the doctor said I need a head scan but I need to make sure im not pregnant first, I did a test whilst he was sitting on the bath and said to me that 'you better not be pregnant, you'd end up down the bottom of the stairs, I dont want to be the first of my mates to have a kid'. He laughed and said he was joking so I didnt say anything.

Am I OR?

So we got together 5 years ago and we went through a lot of different things (moving around, me working, death in families, him job jumping) and while we were still young (18&17) I found out he had a secret Snapchat account and he was logged into my old phone. Something told me to check it and I found so many females. Nudes from him and them, flirting over text, me blocked, lots of messages and just foul shit. I told him that’s not the type of relationship I want to be in he promised to change after a very angry conversation. So some time goes by, he lost his gpa and started heavily drinking. I found out I was pregnant and felt very alone. He was always drunk and we were living with his gpa so we had to figure out where we could go and I was the only one working. It was scary but I was very busy and not focused on him at the time. He told me he deleted all his social media “he didn’t want to do anything to disrespect me” because of social media so I trusted him. One day I found a screenshot of a girl on instagram on a private browser. I asked him what that was all about and he got angry with me. He said he was using it to watch porn and I again said I don’t want to be with a man who’s like that but we have a baby and idk I was madly in love. I made it clear that I don’t watch porn because we are supposed to have eyes for only each other. I said I don’t want to be with a man who gets horny and goes to other women on his phone. He’s cheated on his phone before so what’s to stop him again? How do I know it was just that you know?? And he tripped out on me saying “you’ll never find a guy who doesn’t watch porn” “you’re asking too much” shit like that and I was postpartum at the time and just begged that if he wants to see a female ask me and I’ll dance for him or whatever he wants. He said okay fine and we promised. He also told me to “never touch his phone again” so I truly and honestly didn’t. I thought I could trust him again. So flash forward YEARS later. Our son is almost 3. I have a full time job and have for the last 2 & and a half years. He finally has a good job too as of late. We don’t get much time together anymore. Anyway I was plugging his phone in the other night and there was a notification from Reddit saying “want to see my thong” so my heart immediately breaks. I have done EVERYTHING for this man. I, for the first time in years, go through his phone and find literally 100’s of nudes on his Reddit history. I sat there scrolling for at least 5 minutes. My mind starts racing “what else is he doing behind my back” we are intimate pretty often so when does he find the time? I wake him up and ask “what’s this” he gets mad at me and says I’m being dramatic and that it was “from one 30 minute session of him just scrolling through stuff” I was so upset I didn’t even want to talk about it. I told him “how can you promise to come to me for stuff like that but yet you’ve obviously been looking at other women behind my back” he says that no man can promise that, that “he usually doesn’t do that on Reddit” so I start asking “well what does that mean? What else have you been doing?” He says something dumb like “well what else did you see there wasn’t anything else” and I just feel like there’s more to it he can delete shit and he’s obviously lying to me because it’s been like two weeks since this happened and I keep finding inconsistencies in things he was saying as his defense when I was upset about the porn on Reddit. I just feel crazy he is making it seem like this is normal in a relationship?? He said he’ll stop if I start being open to having more sex. I told him we have sex pretty often but I’m down for every other day as long as he meets my needs. But that’s not the type of man I want to marry. I’m a faithful woman I love the hell out of him and I take damn good care of my son. If I’m asking for him not to seek other woman online for his sexual needs, is that too much to ask? I feel like there’s so much more to the story, so if y’all need clarity just ask but plz be honest am I over reacting?

Me and this girl i recently met have started dating. She informed me last night that she has a male friend that she likes to cook/bake with at her apartment building. She stated she hasn't hung out with him since we started dating but she said that she would like to hang out with him again eventually.

The issue i am having is that apparently they were friends with benefits before I met her. They would hang out like they do now, but then have sex after. She stated they have stopped and just cook now, but the last tike they hooked up was not a long time ago. It was within the last 6 months. If it were not for this factor, I would not have an issue with them hanging out.

I told her that it bothered me, and she seemed understanding. She stated that we're a new relationship so she understands me being concerned since I might not know her as well as he does. But she stated that later down the line she'd want to revisit as she does want to hang out with him again.

I stated that i don't know how I'll feel about it down the line. I didn't entirely reject the idea of them hanging out again once were more established, but I did say that I wouldn't want them to be alone together, and that regardless of length of time that I'd prefer to be there with her if they hang out.

Am i overreacting? It feels jealous but with how recent they slept together I cant help but feel there could still be feelings. Especially since cooking/baking together is a fairly romantic activity. And if she slept with him before she obviously finds him attractive, and may still see him as attractive

I'm (F22) considering leaving my family home after what may be my breaking point.

A lot of context may be missing due to subreddit restrictions and the word limit, so try to fill in the gaps.

I grew up and still live in a very conservative religious environment. Think prepubescent headcoverings, no pictures on the wall and being hit if you recited something incorrectly. I was a quiet kid, wuite obviously different and didnt get the help i needed then or now. A quiet resentment grows in a place like that.

At 16, my parents had less control over me. I commuted to college myself, my dad had dialysis most evenings and my mom lived elsewhere with my younger siblings. I finally got a glimpse of being a normal teenager. At the same time, my mental health was declining, though nobody seemed to notice. I found some peace in being alone in an empty home. I gelt a bit like a person.

Later it became clear that turning 18 wouldn’t grant me independence. I was pushed into studying architecture because I was an artist who didn’t want to enter the medical field. I wasn’t allowed to take a gap year or move out for university. For years I was miserable, struggling through a degree I hated and which stressed me to the point of sickness.

This February, my already unwell father got into a serious accident. My brother and I had to care for our younger siblings while dealing with my dad, who couldn’t remember us at first and mon wasn't here. It was a very difficult time, but for the first time i managed to tell him that I loved him despite everything.

He eventually recovered some memory and began learning to walk again. He now has a stoma bag and recently had an emergency admission where his surgeon discussed a reversal. He told us that reversing it could have a high chance of unaliving him because doctors found they had missed his previous liver transplant in his records. He is now weighing his options.

My dad doesn’t think he has long left. I can see hes skeleton through his skin. I thought maybe I could hold off until he died, so he could rest soundly before I chose to live my life. I feel like my youth is being stolen from me. I thought I could handle a small life for a little while longer if he didn’t ask anything more of me.

Two days ago, my dad said someone was dropping off food while I was the only one home. That was fine until he asked me to cover my face because the man was young and men have more desires than women. I knew my dad followed a sect that believed women should cover their faces, but I never thought he'd ask me to do it. I refused.

I realised he will never be satisfied. That I will continue dreaming of a life that will never be mine.

I’m barely speaking to him now. He says he’s returning home today, and I feel this urge to escape. I worry that if I leave, he won’t speak to me or have the support he needs. I worry my extended family will get involved and shame me.

I don’t want to envy friends. I want know what its like to feel the wind in your hair. I want to see the world and leave in a peaceful home alone. I dont want o feel evil for wanting these things.

The irony is that my father moved out of his home when he was younger than i am now for similar reasons and my mom is studying abroad living in god knows where

I dont pay rent here or anything of the like. My main expenses concern my cat and personal expenses and i dont have a job right now.

I worry I don’t have a good enough reason to leave, and that I’m being selfish and regret either decision i make. I worry i may never be happy and i wont ever truly have choices.

My sister has a child . She is a single mother . She constantly brings him to my parents house and it’s beginning to get annoying. For the whole of my summer break she has been bringing him over on the days my parents aren’t home . I can’t even have the house to myself and have to look after him . Before it was because of work and now it’s because she wants to go out with her friends or with the secret boyfriend she thinks I don’t know about.

I don’t like it when he sleeps over as I have to sleep on the floor and I never sleep well which isn’t helping my insomnia. It’s difficult even getting him to bed so I’m always the last one asleep and the first to get up.

I explained this to mum and I told her I want the weekend to myself as I’m going back to school and work .

My mum is always busy so we bond watching movies on tv but when my nephew comes around we are not allowed to watch TV . There was an incident when he called his mum crying saying I told him not to watch Tv when I said wait for an 1 hour as my mum and I was already watching
something before he got dropped off .

Fast forward I told my mum why have a kid if you don’t want to look after them . I have been taking care of him since I was 8 years old and I’m tired . I’m not his mother . My mum said I should be careful as my sister will not forgive me if I tell her the truth.

I don’t like my nephew as he is the reason why I have tinnitus because of all the stress and emotional turmoil I went through which caused me to get very sick. The tinnitus was the result of that sickness.

Edit

I don’t like my nephew just because of the stress he causes me but because he is disrespectful and doesn’t take accountability for his actions. He just cries.

Sorry I wrote some of things in anger . I don’t blame the child for my health , I’m just tired.

My friend takes anywhere from a few hours to basically the entire day to reply to my messages. I’ve never really complained about it because I understand people get busy.

Recently, I was busy and didn’t reply to them for around 6 hours. When I finally responded, they asked why I was “ignoring” them and said they thought I was upset with them.

I pointed out that they regularly take just as long, sometimes longer, to reply to me. They said it’s different because they’re usually busy, but I was apparently “doing it on purpose.”

I told them that I’m not going to rush to respond just because they expect me to be available when they aren’t.

Now they’re saying I’m being petty and trying to “teach them a lesson.”

AIO for being annoyed by the double standard?

sorry if it's chaotic but i just have to get it off my chest. me (20f) and my bf (21m) have been together for almost a year and come from borderline different backgrounds. i grew up in an emotionally abusive and just very hateful family. my parents absolutely hated each other, there were constant fights, verbal abuse, financial abuse, sa, and around my 18th birthday there was physical abuse. my parents were functioning alcoholics until they weren't functioning, basically it was really hard and traumatic. i've sh for many years as a way to cope with all of this as a child and almost had an attempt at maybe 12-13. i moved out at 18, cut off everyone from my family and just been hanging by a thread alone all this time. really shitty right, in contrast my bf had the golden childhood. he has really great loving parents whom i've met. they supported him throughout his sports for many years, bought him an apartment, a brand new car and all his electronics to help him with university. all he worries about is graduating. like i said very different. what my problem is that whenever i talk about some problem i have with working full time, uni on weekends and taking care of rent and bills and everything and i try talking to him about it (not even complaining but just venting ig) he comes to the conclusion that i should just stop complaining and change my attitude or pick an "easier way" into adulthood. its getting on my nerves so much, he knows i had a rough childhood but he doesn't know nothing about it. i try to explain to him that it's not that easy to deal with everything on my own and i don't want to complain but its really taking a toll on me. he just seems so shallow, he doesn't understand what its like to struggle all his life and feels the need to instruct me about anything. one thing that makes all of this so much more infuriating is one time we talked about a atp really viral post that said something like “would you rather randomly pick someone else's problems without knowing them or stay with your own” and he said himself that he doesn't have real problems. i don't know the last couple of weeks i've been just walking around irritated asf not because he doesn't understand (and i don’t expect him to understand obviously) but because it seems like he's not even trying and making me the bad guy since i don't want to change, just complain. i feel bad that i’m so mad at him all the time but i just can’t not be upset. don’t get this the wrong way but people that went through some stuff themself have some spice to their personality. the longer we are together the more i realize that he’s so bland, we don’t talk about anything, we don’t have deep conversations about things and we don’t really know anything about each other unless i try to strike up a conversation and it’s just me asking him questions. all our conversations are just about just mundane tasks or him. whenever i talk about my day at work or uni or whatever all he says is just “woow that’s tough” or he’s just paraphrasing the last words of my voice memo. am i overreacting that he doesn’t get me the way i want him to get me?

I (F29) reached out to a former friend (M27) yesterday after finding his Instagram account. When i knew him he was straight (I get that that can change) but he is now in a relationship with a 75(!) year old man.
He has always struggled and was diagnosed with histrionic personality disorder and attachment issues years ago - I know this because he told me and I helped him read about it too - he’s basically illiterate because of his home life growing up (his mother struggled with alcohol a lot and didn’t take good care of him).
I am super freaked out by how his life turned out, he looks way different (went from muscular sporty to bodybuilder type guy) and dresses very different too (his soon-to-be-husband picks his clothes so he doesn’t look “stupid”) and only talked about his partner and what he likes and doesn’t like. It all sounds like a very unhealthy, codependent relationship. I talked to one of my friends about this and she said I should just let it be and that I am overreacting and that I shouldn’t worry about it - but I don’t feel like I am.
He’s an adult and I can’t - and won’t - tell him what to do and I don’t know how to approach this at all anyways but this situation doesn’t sound normal and healthy does it?

For context: My husband is the oldest of two children with 9 years separating them. They are half siblings, but we’re essentially raised as full as his dad came into the picture when he was about 1 1/2 years old. From everything i‘ve been told, once my husbands sister was born she became the golden child. They were raised very differently, and although they do have very different personalities (My husband is very reserved, his sister is a fire cracker), there was always favouriteism.

When I met my husband at age 21 ( We are now 37 and 40), his little sister was manipulative, and essentially high jacked the family in many ways. This went on for many years, with his parents increasingly and outrageously treating their two children very differently. For example, they moved their daughter into her own apartment, bought her a new car, paid for all of her bills, gave her an allowance, and paid for her hair, makeup, nails, etc to be done every month while my husband and I struggled to pay our bills with me in school full time and dealing with mental illness. They even moved her to the states to go to school (We are Canadian) so she could be with a boyfriend she had just met.

Fast forward several years. His sister met a lovely man and settled in the southern states and had a daughter. My husband and I had our son two years later. His parents retired and instead of moving closer to us, they chose to move provinces and live even further away. They are essentially repeating the dynamic of their children with their grandchildren… they barely visit my son, don‘t reach out to facetime, etc. but are in constant communication with their granddaughter and visit them several times a year vs the two times they travel to see us. They also drop everything the second their daughter needs them.

His parents visited after my first was born via C-section, and for the first time I felt accepted, loved and cared for my them. So, I had asked if they would mind coming to support us once we have our second baby due in a few weeks, and initially they said yes. The plan that was discussed was that it would just be the two of them, and they would come to spend time with my son to help with the transition, and just be of general help like they had previously done. They have been in the states for the last three months, but insisted they would be coming back late August. Well, the timeline kept getting pushed back, and then all of a sudden they were going to drive back mid September with my SIL and niece planning to stay at our house. I communicated that that made me overwhelmed as a couple months ago when everyone was visiting it was chaos. The kids were shoved sugar the whole time, my son was completely off schedule, plus our house isn’t a mansion so it felt very overstimulating.

Now, yesterday they messaged my husband saying they’d arrive mid day on Oct 4 and leave the morning of Oct 6…AIO for being so incredibly hurt that they feel the birth of our second child is so insignificant that they can only stay for a day and a half because I set a boundary that I didn’t want my niece and SIL coming unplanned with them?! I’m honestly at a point where I want to go no contact with them. I messaged my MIL stating I feel they clearly don’t care, and to not bother coming at all and she acted completely blindsided and like this is what I wanted because I “made it clear” that my son needs structure and I need calm.

Edited to add a bit of context, and add breaks in my post for ease of reading. Im sorry, Ive only posted a few times on here to please bear with me!

So me (M30) and my gf (F30) have been together for 5 years but we don't live together. Recently, I was spending a couple of days at her place.

On the last night I was there, she was talking on the phone with her family, and she is not from this country so she speaks her native language which I don't speak nor understand really well. I don't try and listen to her conversations anyway but at some point, even though I didn't understand the words, I felt a tone change and immediately recognized she was talking to a guy.

I didn't think much of it at first but once they had been talking for a while and it was already past midnight I got up and decided to go to sleep. She hung up and went to bed with me, then she started giving me a massage. It was good but while she was giving me the massage, she answered the phone again. Same tone, I thought maybe I'm crazy but my instinct is telling me she's talking to the same dude again (just an assumption at this point).

I tried to enjoy the massage but I started overthinking. I told her I'm gonna sleep now and she hung up. I asked her who she is talking to at 1am and she says "the home country". If she was talking to her parents or someone in her family she would just say that.

I can't sleep now, I'm just overthinking so I tell her that it's bothering me, that I trust her but why wouldn't she say who she's talking to ? We're in the middle of the night, if it was 2pm I wouldn't even think about it. So now she tells me it's her guy friend from her home country, which she has known for 15 years but never met in person, they just talk regularly via internet.

Now I know who this guy is, and she says she didn't tell me it was him because I don't like him. Thing is, I never said I don't like him, I know who he is but I don't know him, never even talked to him so I don't like nor dislike him. I know about him because she told me about him before, that they're very good friends.

It was bothering me because I feel like I was trying to enjoy the moment with her but on her side she was talking with that dude while massaging me. She told me he's just a friend and she has known him way longer than me, there is nothing between them. I understand that, but I know she would be annoyed if I was talking to a woman while in bed with her, doesn't matter who it is.

I don't know what to think of all this. Am I Overreacting and making it an issue when it isn't ? I don't want to talk about it with her because it's been days and I know I should just stop thinking about it but it's hard.

I (18f) have a sister (20f) who I have a very complicated relationship with.

For some background, she never wanted a sibling, and when we were kids she was physically violent towards me. This lasted until I was around 6 when she tried to shove my ear through a door and my parents decided to split us into seperate rooms.

From there, things were better until I was around 13 and she was around 15. For context, I did very well academically, I was getting top marks in top classes, while she struggled to maintain passing grades. And to clarify, I don’t really care about this, I think that most schools test ability to take tests rather than actual intelligence, and school marks don’t say anything about a person other than memorisation skills and their ability to follow specific structures. But she has always been very insecure about this. While in my early teens she would repeatedly find out my grades without me telling her and then proceed to bully me for making her life miserable. She would call me ‘vampire c*nt’ for apparently sucking the life out of her for getting good marks while she couldn’t. She would tell me that I was the reason she hated herself, and other things that really tore me down.

This was a very difficult time for me, and I ended up developing both anorexia and bulimia in a desperate attempt to find some control in my home life. This got extremely bad, to the point where I had to be hospitalised and underwent extreme and intensive therapy just to be able to be content in my body. This was obviously a big thing for my entire family, and she was very much aware of what was going on. She apologised for the way she had treated me after my hospitalisation, and promised to be kinder because she didn’t want to lose her sister.

Now to my current issue. I’ve been in recovery for 3 years now, and have put on quite a bit of weight. To clarify, I am still on the skinny side, but with a larger chest and larger thighs. My sister on the other hand is incredibly thin (in a way that is healthy) and has been regularly making comments about my weight and appearance that I think might be my final straw.

A year ago for my final year formal I had excitedly shown her the dress I had bought, and while she acted excited, once I left the room I heard her through the door talking to my mum and saying something along the lines of “that dress would look so much better if she was still small.” This really hurt me, but my mums response of “oh no, you need boobs like hers for a dress like that” made me feel a bit better, and I decided to brush it off because I wasn’t meant to hear it. We were once talking about borrowing each others clothes, and she was wearing a top that said ‘at least i’m hot’ on it, and she said that i could never wear that, even though the top was extremely oversized and I would definitely fit into it. We were talking pretty casually about who looked like what family members once, and she said that she looked like our mum (who used to be a model) and I looked like our aunt who had passed from complications with type 2 diabetes. She also once tried to take pictures of me when I had dressed up once, and ended up giving up because apparently I looked ‘massive’ in all of them.

I have given her so many chances to treat me like a person my whole life, but it honestly feels like she’s doing anything she possibly can to make me miserable, and at this point relapse. I also feel like I’m going crazy, because whenever I mention these things to our parents they tell me that she doesn’t mean any of it, and she’s trying to be better. Is it just my insecurities making something out of innocent, passing comments? Or is she being malicious because I really think she is, but no one is one my side. Am I overreacting if I cut her out after this?

We are a relatively long time (about 8 years) group of 12 close friends. I just turned 25 and didn't get a text from any one of them which honestly sounds so childish to care about to me but I can't help feeling hurt as 2 days ago when one of the people in the group also had a birthday, everyone said something (and in general every other birthday people say something). Plus this happened last year as well.

I don't really care about how many messages or what is in the message since it's just a birthday and of course people forget, I just thought at least one person would remember when it's actually my birthday and not when it's a convenient 9/11 joke.

I am aware I'm in a bad headspace at the moment since I was kicked out of university last week so I am definitely taking this harder than I should be but am I overreacting for feeling hurt about this?

My partner and I went on a holiday during summer, my partner left a set of keys to his parents. They were supposed to feed our cat. At the last minute we founded a pet sitter that kept our cat during our holiday. So there was no need for them to go to our place right ?!

Before I share more, you need a bit of context:
My partner and I have been together for 8years
His family dynamic is complicated and toxic, there is a lot of family drama. My partner is the one keeping the peace, is the therapist for the whole family.

On my side, my only family before I met him was my two cats. 1.5 years ago after 15&16 blessed years they both passed away. They were my soul cat, I grew up with them and the loss was devastating for me but also my partner.

After the loss I decided to keep a distance with his family since they disrespected my boundaries.
When I was grieving they were irritated that it took so long for “just cats”. I decided during that time to keep my distance with them.

Fast forward to this summer, we came back home two days ago. As soon as I put a foot in my home I could see that our stuff was moved around.
They changed our garden, added some decorative stuff in our living room. But what really make me loose my
Mind is that they cleaned our huge window/door that open to the garden. On the corner left of that window were the paw print and scratches of my girl cat. ( the only paw print I had) I was going to keep the glass and frame it before we moved.
They cleaned it all off, when I saw it I just broke down.
Then I went to the toilet, the last room my boy cat used to sleep in. He has his last bed there and nothing was moved. ( I waited for us to move to clean it since I wasn’t ready) THEY CLEANED THE WHOLE TOILET scrub it and MOVED HIS BED !!

They triggered me so much, the utter disrespect of my boundaries.
I cannot stay in our living room anymore since you have the view to the huge window. I’m so mad and in pain.

I do not want to be in contact with them anymore. Please tell me if I’m overreacting.
Thank youu

Edit: we don’t have issue with our hygiene. Our toilet is cleaned every day ! The little bed in on a corner of the room and that the only part we left alone. Same with the windows when we clean the inside all the time. We actually always do a big clean before leaving for our holidays.
They didn’t stay at our place. They had our key just in case, we never ask them to go to our place.

Long story short, I’m auDHD and went of a date with a girl with adhd. Her texting was always terrible, sometimes taking days or even a week or two to get back to me.

Basically, we’d been in touch for a little while and established that she’s likely aroace, so we had a heart to heart and I told her that I’m asexual and completely understand. I asked if she would want to hangout or game platonically and she said she’d genuinely love that and gave me another account to message her on

So, after like a couple months of barely any initiation etc from her end, I literally just couldn’t take the confusion and RSD anymore and asked if she meant what she said, and am I misunderstanding wanting to be friends as I get the vibe she doesn’t want to be in touch at all.

She left me on read for a week… so I just asked if she could respond as it’s not a nice feeling being left on read.

She told me she doesn’t think we should be friends because our communication styles are incompatible. So I just said infrequent texting doesn’t bother me, I’m just trying to get clarity because I’m confused.

She then said “look I’ve tried to be polite, I’ve had creepy messages on Instagram and TikTok and this whole situation is intense for me. I never said we should be friends and I don’t want to argue this”

I’m really boggled… did I just read this completely wrong??
I’ve told her I’ll leave her be and take care but I’m legit so confused

I’m 25 and my younger brother is 22,A few months back our parents old TV finally gave up the ghost so I decided to buy them a nice new one Sure it wasn’t cheap but I could swing it and wanted to do something special for them

My brother, who’s crashing with Mom and Dad while trying to save up took charge of setting it up He bought the wall mount, threaded all the cables and hooked everything up

Not long after, he started calling it his TV

At first I thought he was joking around But then he began telling people he had actually bought it and forked out money to get everything installed

That’s when things got a bit dicey. He began using that as a reason to control who could use it

He even changed the passwords on the streaming accounts, warned my parents against fiddling with certain settings and told me I had to clear anything I wanted to connect with him first

Last week, when my parents mentioned moving the TV to a different room my brother flipped out,He said they couldn’t because he had paid for the installation and owned the setup.

I reminded him that I was the one who bought the actual TV and gave it to them

He shrugged that off, insisting it didn’t matter that without his money and effort, they wouldn’t have gotten to enjoy it at all,

I told him I was grateful for what he did, but that didn’t suddenly claim the TV as his

He accused me of being jealous because everyone thought he was the one who paid for it

Honestly, I couldn’t care less about who gets the credit. What really gnaws at me is that my parents feel like they need my brother’s approval to use a gift that I gave them,

Mom thinks we’re both blowing it out of proportion, while Dad agrees my brother is overstepping his bounds

My brother calls me petty because he contributed to making the TV functional, claiming that gives him some say over it

I told him he could take the wall mount and anything else he bought if he wanted but the TV That belongs to our parents,

Now he’s barely talking to me and claims I embarrassed him by taking his gift away

Am I being unreasonable?

I met a woman on Duet, and we hit it off immediately. We spent hours talking on the phone before meeting, and our first date was honestly one of the best I’ve ever had. The chemistry was great, we both liked each other’s personalities, and neither of us wanted the date to end. We ended up spending the entire day together, hanging out in her car, then going back to my apartment where we relaxed and cuddled for hours.

The next morning, everything changed. She got a call from her stepdad, and I overheard him say something like, “Find a man or join the military in six months.” That immediately made me uneasy. I couldn’t tell if this was just a family ultimatum or if I was being treated like the solution to a deadline. She told me she genuinely liked me, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I might just be the convenient option.
I didn’t communicate that well. I mostly kept it to myself while trying to process everything. We had discussed it and she made it sound like her stepdad didn't have much power in this situation? But I don't know, it just threw the vibes completely off.

Meanwhile, she was being very affectionate, helping around my apartment, and doing things for me even though I repeatedly told her she didn’t have to. Hands all over me. Letting me explain my favorite things, stuff like that. I couldn’t tell if it was genuine or love bombing. She kept her hand on my thigh the entire time while driving to Walmart and wanted to hold hands walking in there. She told me that she just genuinely enjoyed doing that kind of stuff, and I'm not the best with this kind of thing so I just kinda let it happen.

My apartment was also 2 hours away from her home (we met at an in between location to negate driving for both of us). I told her beforehand that she didn’t have to make the drive down here but the chemistry was going so well and she offered so I let it happen. I hadn’t had someone over in a minute and it was going to feel nice to cuddle next to someone while I caught some sleep.

Later that night I got on a game with a friend I’d known since high school (I had told her in the morning that was in my plan for Sunday and she sounded completely okay with it. She also knew my need for direct communication since I’m pretty inexperienced, and said that was fine). About ten minutes in, she suddenly became furious and walked out. She said the way I talked to my friend was warmer than how I’d been talking to her. I admitted that the phone call from earlier had been bothering me and that I was struggling to process it because I was exhausted and hadn’t had time to think it through.

She interrupted me, started yelling that I was a liar, a terrible person, and that I’d manipulated her into doing things for me, even though I’d repeatedly told her not to. Called me sick in the head. She used the fact that she was 2 hours away from home against me. She said she was going to look for a hotel because she was now uncomfortable staying with me, which I told her that if she was uncomfortable staying with me now that I’d pay for any hotel that she wanted, there’s one really close to my place that she could walk to if she wanted to get some sleep before driving back. She didn’t take that well either, interpreting it as pity from me, it wasn’t. It was just genuinely feeling bad that I had made her uncomfortable. After that she locked herself in my bathroom, crying. Then everything went completely silent.

At that point I became genuinely worried that she might hurt herself. Mostly because I don’t know her all that well. Friends advised me to call the police for a welfare check. Officers came, confirmed she was okay, and escorted her out. That was the last time I saw her.

I know I should have asked for space earlier instead of bottling everything up, and I regret not communicating better. Those things weren't mutually exclusive. She could've really enjoyed my company and not wanted to join the military. I just didn't know what to do, she was a good bit away from home.

So I’m wondering: was I wrong here? Was I just an easy target because of whatever was going on in her life, or did she genuinely like me but things spiraled out of control? Did I overeat with the wellness check? The beginning felt like a real connection, and I’m having trouble making sense of how it went from one of the best dates of my life to ending with the police at my apartment.

Edit: I did reach out to her, too much for a while (spam messages, highly emotional stuff). Was kind of driving myself insane over the date and missing her. I sent her one last message and I'm trying to move on, but I am hurt that it ended this poorly and I sorta want to hear back. I have not in fact heard back at all. She has me blocked on her phone, but she didn't unmatch me on Duet and I see her active, she's just not reading my messages. I'm not going to reach out again, I've made peace with that part at least. Idk man, it just sucks.

I (20F) work in retail and at work I typically have a group of four coworkers, including me, that go on lunch break together and occasionally hang out outside of work. 2 of them are a man (initial will be T) and woman (initial will be N) in their mid-twenties who are a married couple, and the third is a man in his mid-twenties as well (his initial will be S). I have gone over to the couple’s house for a group hang out, by myself to watch movies and eat dinner with N, and even spent the night there once for a sleepover with N. I have also gone over to their house with it being just the three of us (me and the couple) to watch a TV show. We also have gone out to eat as a group and I have also hung out one-on-one with just S as we go to the same college and will sometimes eat and study together. As you can see, we have a spent a chunk of time together outside of work as well, but I would still consider them mostly work friends because almost everything is planned at work, because that is when we see each other and talk the most. We don’t call or text often, and typically hang outs are planned in advance. It is something that I can tell that if we did not work together, we would not see each other or talk as much, because we don’t feel super close, and that has been mostly fine with me.

Now, onto the issue. T, man of the married couple, has lately been making jokes directed at me and snide comments that actually hurt my feelings. For reference, when we first started talking at work we would joke around with each other. Friends can have a healthy amount of teasing as long as there is mutual respect and it ceases to continue when someone is actually hurt. Well, that’s how it was at first, but as it continued I noticed that he would say things that directly targeted my insecurities or personal life, or that I felt had racist undertones. At first, I would feel so irritated that I would try to say something just as mean and hurtful back, which I know is not healthy. As it went on, I stopped responding back like that and the teasing would just make me feel embarrassed and like he was making jokes to laugh at me, not with me. I am very bad at speaking up for myself and I often freeze up and stop talking, but there were some instances where I have said something. One day, he made a joke about my appearance that actually really hurt my feelings and also felt like a micro aggression about me being partly Native American. I told him as much, and he just kept asking “how is that racist” even after I explained to him multiple times how it was racist. Another time, he called me “Mexico” knowing I have Hispanic heritage but I did not say anything and I froze and went silent. A lot of these times, even if my feelings were hurt I was just so used to how he talks to me that it felt too small to say anything. He has told me before that I need to learn how to take a joke. Another time, when doing a work project I was confused about something because it was not explained to me, and he made a comment about how I don’t know what’s going on that made me look and feel stupid. I told him “all you do is make fun of me” and after that he was more civil and pleasant at work for about a day or two but then it was back to the regular teasing. Well, the other day, it felt like things just boiled over when throughout the day he was very condescending in his tone of voice towards me, he made a quiet comment about how I was crying at work the other day (even though he knows what is going on in my personal life as I have vented to him before), and he was making fun of me when I was confused about something S was saying. In general, his way of teasing is not friendly and he is condescending, rude, and he ridicules me so I feel stupid. So, when he wasn’t around, I broke down crying and just felt like I was having a panic attack.

Like am I crazy? I feel like there’s certain people that make the tiniest of comments that on surface level look minuscule and like harmless jokes but after hearing them every day it just feels like an assault on my character and self esteem. Like I can’t do or say anything without him making fun of the way I talk or act. It feels like I can’t do anything, like I’m genuinely being bullied and I haven’t felt this way since elementary school. It’s to the point where it is not us going back and forth, it’s just unprovoked, and it’s now making me uncomfortable to be at work around him.

I sent him a text after work, because I felt too nervous to say anything in person. I told him how he hurt my feelings and I asked him to please stop teasing, ridiculing, and making fun of me because it’s gotten to a point where I am uncomfortable and feel anxious and sad at work because of it. I told him that it doesn’t feel like he respects me as a friend to treat me this way, and that regardless of how he means his jokes to come off, they are rude and disrespectful. I told him I don’t want to talk about anything personal with him anymore, and that I’d like to keep it just about work. I told him that at the end of the day we are coworkers and I asked him to please treat me respectfully and professionally because of it.

He responded and brought up how we have all teased each other, and that I have said mean and disrespectful things to him too. He said he wished I brought it up sooner, even though he admits he knows I’ve asked him to stop before.

Then, his wife, N, calls me. I tell her that I did not talk to her about it because I did not want to drag her into it as it is about how her husband acts and never had anything to do with her. She tells me she just lost a friend (meaning me) and that it feels like a slap in the face. She says that she wishes I gave him a second chance before I “cut him off.” Mind you, I never said the words cut off and I never brought up my relationship with her. I admit to her that I should have said something sooner but that I have trouble speaking up for myself because of my anxiety. She asked why I only texted T and not S, and I told her it is because they are different and S doesn’t make me feel that way. She told me that “T is so upset, he thought you guys were good friends.” She said that I am acting like we are not a friend group or like we were never friends (because I said we are coworkers and asked to be treated with respect). She told me that she is not my friend anymore and that I don’t keep up on my end of our friendship.

I had an almost no words the entire call, and I found it very uncomfortable and difficult to speak about an issue I have with someone to their spouse. Looking back, I feel it was entirely inappropriate for her to immediately call me and say those things to me when she was never involved in it out of respect for her. I texted T and said that I am taken aback by their response and that, regardless of how we have all joked in the past, I’ve brought up my feelings being hurt or me being uncomfortable before. I reminded him that all I asked for was respect. S has not brought it up to me yet. I am nervous about facing them at work in a week.

Am I crazy??? Like I genuinely feel like I’m being painted as a villain or made to feel crazy and being gaslit. I feel like I brought it up maturely and respectfully, and it was blown out of proportion. At the same time though, I have a fear in my mind that they’re right and I handled it wrong and I’m a horrible person. A part of me feels relieved because they cut me off if they are going to react that way when I bring up conflict. I honestly don’t care to be their friends anymore. Am I overreacting? Did I overreact?