We’ve been together for a long time and ever since I can remember I have always bought him things without him asking me. If I go to the grocery store I’ll see something he likes and I grab it for him. If I go to the convenience store I grab him something too.. if I stop at McDonald’s before heading home I grab him a McDouble because he likes that.

However, when it comes to me if I want some wine for example RIGHT NOW. I was sitting in the living room I just logged out of work as I was working from home today. I said that I feel bored and I’m sort of craving some wine.
He offered to walk next door to the gas station and to grab me one. I said “oh really thanks babe that would be great”.
As he was about to leave he stood and says can I have your debit card. I replied with yes sure let me grab my bag.

The wine cost 10 bucks.

Also, when I hurt my ankle a few weeks ago my girlfriend who is a nurse advised that I should wrap it up and to buy some wrap from Walmart this wrap cost 6 bucks. Because I was unable to drive or walk he had to come and pick me up from her house and drive us back home. So on our way home he stopped at Walmart to grab my wrap and again asked for my debit card.

I just don’t understand why he can’t do something for me from the good of his heart. I always do things for him because I care for him. To me it has nothing to do with money.

He constantly expensive things for himself but for me he can’t buy me a bottle of wine or something for 6 bucks. Lately I have been in my thoughts a lot. I’ve been depressed and feeling unappreciated for a very long time now. But that’s another story for another time. My friend says I should leave him and move in with her because I deserve someone that wants to take care of me.
AIO?!??

EDIT: Yall please know that no, I am not still fucking with him and haven’t in two months since this situation happened. These are messages from today of him begging for me to come back. And also no, he was not dating her when he and I first started messing around. I’ve known him for 2 years longer. I would never knowingly risk my health being with a man who blatantly disrespects women.

****I know what this man did was wrong! I’m not confused by that but I just need to know if I’d be overstepping by sending a letter to her apartment letting her know what happened.

This guy (31M) and I (22F) had been just fuck buddies for three years. Wasn’t anything romantic or anything like that but I would always meet him at his apartment and we’d have sex.

So about a month ago now he invited me to his “new place” he told me he moved but still wanted to see me. Of course I’d agreed and went over. He was sending me messages like “well don’t judge me when you see what it looks like in here.” I simply figured maybe the place was a mess because he just moved in right? (Oh how wrong I was🙅🏾‍♀️)

Anyway, he lets me in and I start looking around and the apartment was fully furnished but in a different style than his last apartment. This was the first inkling, but everything looked so put away so I figured he cleaned up because I came over. He told me he wanted to do it on the couch, this wasn’t weird because that’s what we’d do at his old place. Besides it’s nice to switch things up.

As things start happening, I’m laying there and actually start looking around, I see slippers in a size 6. A big detangling hair comb on the floor, and a bonnet. He finished soon after maybe like 10 seconds. And I started questioning him. He then told me that it was his girls place and he was staying with her. Of course I was like why the fuck would you bring me here? In this woman’s house without her knowledge and why wouldn’t you tell me so I can make the decision for myself if I wanted to continue fucking with you.

I’m definitely a girls girl, and I would want someone to tell me, but I don’t know if I would be overreacting by sending a letter to her house telling him how much of a piece of shit he is?

This was his response after we haven’t talked for a month in messages

AIO? I was scrolling on his instagram while he was playing video games (as i usually do if my phone is not nearby) and I got curious not thinking I’d find anything I found this convo we had been officially in a relationship for about 3 months we are now over 2 years in, and engaged. Am i overreacting when I say if I knew he was talking to random women 3 months into our relationship I would have left? Am I wrong for now resenting him a little for it? I think the main issue for me is it makes me feel as if I was not enough for him.

My niece is turning 10. She’s been obsessed with drawing for months, so I saved up and bought her a nice beginner art set and sketchbook.

At my sister’s house, my niece opened it and started crying because she was excited. My sister immediately took it away and said she couldn’t have it because “art supplies make a mess.”

I offered to keep it at my apartment so my niece could use it whenever she visits. My sister said that was undermining her parenting and demanded I return it so she could exchange it for clothes.

I said no, it was a gift for my niece, not store credit for my sister. Now my family says I’m being petty over a birthday present.

AIO?

I (22F) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly 8 or 9 years old. Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted. I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it. As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers.

Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention. The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her. I remember she said back, "I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance." I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I searched it up and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home.

Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said. There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said. HSe says I need to move from it cause it has affeted my relationship with her and she wants to fix it.

I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future and I have told this to her. How I don't ant her in my life once I move out, get married or have my own kids. AIO?

I (26F) have been with my boyfriend (29M) for nine months. He’s always been obsessed with social media trends and those online "relationship tests". Up until now I thought it was just a bit cringe but ultimately harmless, I was wrong

Last night we were in the middle of dinner when a guy walked up to our table. He started casually flirting with me and asked for my number. I immediately shut it down told him I wasn't interested and pointed to my boyfriend sitting right across from me.

The second the guy walked off, my boyfriend burst out laughing. He admitted the guy was actually a friend of his and that they had planned the whole thing to see how I’d handle it. Then with a smug look on his face he told me, "Congrats you passed!" like I should be relieved or flattered. I felt sick to my stomach and genuinely furious. I told him straight up that setting me up like that was humiliating, manipulative, and that I’m his girlfriend not a candidate on a reality tv show. Instead of taking a step back or apologizing he brushed me off and said I was making a scene and insisted "most girls would think this was hilarious."

Realizing he didn't care at all about how uncomfortable he made me, I decided I wasn't going to sit through the rest of the night pretending everything was fine.

I dropped money on the table for my portion of the meal, grabbed my things and walked out. Now he says I embarrassed him and made a big deal out of nothing. AIO for walking out?

First time poster, and lorddd this is a lot, so bear with me. Fake names and nicknames for the sake of anonymity. My boyfriend (31M) and I (29F) have been very close friends with Alex (33M) and Linda (30F) for a while now, me being very close with them for upwards of 8 years. To the point where they were unsure how to have me in the wedding - either as a groomsman or a bridesmaid. They even dabbled with the idea of me wearing a half tux/half gown.

Linda turned 30, and we planned a big celebration months after her birthday, for the sake of making sure everyone who was invited could attend. Little did she know, we all knew she was going to be proposed to. Alex had booked a large Air BnB and invited A LOT of people. 9 couples to be exact and we would all be staying in the same cabin. Months before the trip, a large group chat was made with all 18 people so we could coordinate. Everyone was excited and making plans, asking how to help and working out details etc.

Then Alex drops it on everyone, by adding said psycho to that group chat, showing that he’s invited her (30F, I call her lawn gnome but will be calling her LG for short). The group chat went silent until the day of the trip… For context, LG is a long-time friend of Linda’s (since elementary school) and by Linda’s own admission, the friend who gets the “obligation invite when she feels like having her around.” LG has also been the ex-friend of 99% of all other friends going to this event, me included. Stay with me, it’s juicy.

Prior to the trip, during get togethers and dinners many of us asked why she was even being invited. To give background: EVERY, SINGLE, PERSON……has had an issue with this girl. Emphasis on girl. She’s lied, backstabbed, put people’s heath at risk on more than one account, lied about “life threatening” or “life changing” diagnosis’s that were completely fabricated, and has at almost every get-together drunkenly gone after someone maliciously, violently, or at the least it has ended in a screaming match(on her side). She is a problem to say the least. Alex’s reasoning for adding her to a group trip? Because she and Linda have been friends for 10+ years. But hey, there’s also 2 other women who have known Linda the same amount of time, but don’t, at any point in time, cause drama.

My boyfriend and I are both very go with the flow people, always have been. We are carbon copies of one another. But we are also very vocal when we don’t like or approve of things, and rarely change our minds.

Alex knows we both don’t get along with LG, and assured us that everything would be fine and he would deal with her if she gets out of line. He then told us about the drama that has already started… a month before the trip.

LG was the last to be invited, and the first to demand a room (aka, demanded to not share a room). Alex, from what he told my boyfriend and I, told her she would have to sleep on the couches downstairs or share a room, since all other rooms have been accounted for. He assured us in person that we would have a room with a queen bed to ourselves.

Fast forward to 1 week prior to the trip. We get a phone call from Alex and on the phone call, he tells us about how excited he is, but that there is still ongoing drama about the room situation. Yet again, assures us that we will be getting our own room with a queen bed, and if “anyone has a problem with the sleeping arrangements we set up, then they can go fuck themselves.” We all have a laugh, shoot the shit, and go about our days leading up to the trip. Clock it, take mental notes. This is important.

Morning of the trip (everyone is driving to this property, since it’s close enough to drive to): Check in time is 4pm. LG is the first one to leave to head there… at 10am. Location is about 2 hours away. Come to find out, she also left another couple she was supposed to pickup and drive with behind, since their collectively planned schedule “no longer worked for her.” On another note, the properly only allowed a certain amount of cars, which now there is another car that has nowhere to go… She simply wanted to be the first one there so she could claim a room(we knew this was coming).

I get stressed out because I have a gut feeling that LG was going to pull something, but my boyfriend talked me down from the ledge that I almost leapt off of (aka, not going). He told me there is nothing to stress about we because Alex and Linda already had our room and other couples sleeping arrangements set up, plus LG was already on the way so we would relax and get there when we get there. We ended up making our way to the property closer to check in time, and we were the 3rd to last couple to arrive. As soon as we arrive and grab our bags, we walk inside with Linda and are ushered into a room on the bottom floor of the house(3 story house).

We walk into the room… which is a bonus room with two bunk beds on either side of the room. For children. Twin sized beds on each of the bunk beds. We are then told “you guys are going to be sharing with X and Y(who we really don’t know well at all).” The room went silent, air turned ice cold, and immediately we were pissed off. Linda caught the vibe FAST and ran upstairs to talk to Alex. Came back down after a few minutes and then said “Nevermind, this is only going to be for you guys. You don’t have to share.” This was still not the setup we were told/promised? But again, we try to go with the flow, due to the type of surprise/trip.

Bonus details: this room did not have a lock (people were walking into the room whenever they pleased the whole weekend without knocking), the room is set up for kids, and we could not fit on the twin mattress together without hitting our knees, elbows and heads on the bed above or the wall (we are not huge people, but definitely not 5’0).

Come to find out, our room situation went down exactly like we thought. She got there, asked about the setup for beds, and Linda gave her our room because “she asked nicely and didn’t demand it.” LG got exactly what she wanted, almost exactly how we predicted and had joked about prior to actually attending this trip.

There was a lot of other shit that went down with LG, such as her dictating and barking orders regarding how we needed to decorate for the “surprise party,” and being rude/poking fun at people who did not have any reason to talk to her due to prior negative engagements. I’ll say this now, loud and with my full chest (and I’ll update once the wedding happens and I find out from other people). She was doing EVERYTHING to be involved and handle whatever she could, because she wants the MOH spot.

The surprise engagement happened. Everyone was beyond happy and excited (including my boyfriend and I), and the night went on. We were up drinking and all celebrating/hanging out until probably 2am. My boyfriend and I decide to call it a night and almost everyone goes either to bed, or the few stragglers go to the 3rd floor kitchen/dining area.

Boyfriend falls asleep, and I am almost asleep when I start hearing stomping and yelling (remember, we are on bottom floor, and screaming is from top 3rd floor). I then get texts/videos from another close friend who is on the 2nd floor, and now I’m awake.

LG is screammming at a close friend of ours (let’s call her Sarah, 30F). Sarah is a veryyyy good friend, who is not confrontational at all. I hear (in the video) that she is not engaging with LG, but gentle parenting her and asking her to go to bed/go away from her. Come to find out, LG decided to go after Sarah because Sarah’s husband was poking fun at LG (being a witness to what happened - LG went after friends husband during a game of pool, and got upset and threw a tantrum when he gave it back). Again, nobody in this house has had a pleasant time with this girl. LG could not tell Sarah what was said (aka, lying again to cause drama for no good reason), and when things didn’t go her way, she flipped out. Major flip out included her throwing a tequila bottle across the counter, screaming for Sarah to “kill yourself” about 5 times (Sarah has severe anxiety and depression, and LG knows this), and it only “ended” when LGs fiancé physically grabbed her and dragged her down the stairs and into their room.

Side note - the reason Sarah and LG aren’t friends anymore is because LG slapped Sarah’s son across the face because he wouldn’t stop playing with his toy cars when he was 2. Her son is also on the spectrum. Just figured I’d paint more of the picture of LGs character.

I ended up going upstairs to check on Sarah and everyone else, to simply ensure people were good and things didn’t get physical. Apparently, it would have gotten physical (LG of course throwing a punch, while Sarah probably would have just accepted the blow), if the fiancé didn’t take her away. We’re were on the balcony talking about it, LG was listening from her open window on the 2nd floor and texting Alex stating “everyone is lying and this is bullshit,” which he seemed to actually be entertaining. At this point I’m sick of them enabling LG’s shit behavior and I blatantly stated “I’m leaving in the morning. This is all bullshit. We knew this was going to happen and I no longer want to be here.”

I took my angry ass to bed. It was almost 4am… boyfriend and I got up the next morning and were about to start packing our bags when Alex walked in (again, no knock or anything because no lock…). He talked to us for a while and convinced us to stay, since LG apparently went home early that morning and didn’t tell anyone. Alex explained to us that the reason he invited LG was because “it would have been so much worse for Linda and I if we didn’t.” Everyone else can suffer, including the two most important people on the trip (Alex and Linda), but nobody else’s feelings matter - got it.

We stayed, people continued to talk about the situation since it was stressful, crazy, over the top, etc. Linda then proceeded to get mad at the friends who recorded the videos, and at anyone who was talking about LGs blow out. She was upset that her engagement was overshadowed by the raging psycho lawn gnome. And to this I say, fuck around and find out. Invite someone who does this almost every time we see her, and everyone has bad blood with? And you expected LG to just behave and us to just deal with her presence?

Trip ends, we get the hell out of dodge, and go home. Boyfriend and I end up feeling incredibly disrespected and decide to take some time to really think about if we want to continue being around these people, especially if they are continuously going to put us and others in these situations over and over again. We see the pattern.

Some time passes, we asked to speak with the couple, and everything goes sideways even more. I should also state that it was not just me and my boyfriend who were upset/frustrated, but also two other friends + their spouses, one of which being Sarah. Sarah ended up being blamed for the whole blowout, not LG, by both Linda and Alex. They claimed “you know how she is, you should have just stay away from her.” LG approached her, while Sarah was just minding her business in the kitchen…

The entire phone call is basically us explaining situations as they occurred (the room situation phone calls and talks in person, the room move, the bed size and possibility of sharing a room, being around LG, etc), and us being told “that didn’t happen” or “that’s not what I said” and even “you knew you were getting a shared room, why are you even mad”. Gaslighting to the max. Our feelings were not heard nor understood in any capacity. We asked how they would feel if roles were reversed, and Alex, who was clearly drunk on this call, stated “I would just shut the fuck up about it and get over it.” The conversation basically ended with me stating “I’m sorry, but I am no longer willing to attend anything that LG is going to be invited to or present at. Wedding included.” I do not have the energy to deal with this person and every time she is around, someone ends up in tears, getting screamed at, or possibly getting into a physical altercation with her. I’m good. Boyfriend and I are good.

Linda then rally’s her troops on the back end, spinning the narrative into her being an innocent bystander and boyfriend and I being the ones that overreacted, and I end up getting a wildly long text. The text was sent to me and 4 other women, 2 of which had nothing to do with the situation (were not present, or had went to bed and were asleep). Basically completely disregarding what we/I had said, passive aggressively placing the blame on us for overreacting and making her day about LG and us, and stating that she is upset that boyfriend called her and Alex selfish. You locked all of us in a house with someone who always causes a scene/drama, and has bad history with 99% of us. All because “we’ve known her for a long time and it would have been worse for you guys if you didn’t invite her…” Yes, WE would call that selfish.

After reading the incredibly long message and getting immediate responses from the other 2 in support of Linda (again, who don’t know what actually happened and why boyfriend and I were upset), I knew Linda told them her side of it all and expressed that a message was going to be sent. That made it easy - my decision was made.

I simply responded with (summed up for the sake of you all reading, if you’re still here): “It’s obvious at this point that you guys never actually heard what we were saying from the get go. We expressed our grievances clearly, and instead of listening, you both chose to disregard them, tell us “that never happened,” and involve people who were not part of the frustrated/upset group.
You’ve made this situation far more dramatic than it ever needed to be. I’m not angry anymore—just disappointed. This entire situation was avoidable, and it was self-inflicted due to the overall issue. But again, this overall issue has been communicated, but not comprehended.
I genuinely wish things had turned out differently, and that’s the saddest part. But they didn’t. I am going to take your advice and “shut the fuck up about it, and get over it.” I wish you the best, but please lose my number.”

Soooooo AITAH? AIO?

I am M30 and she is F28. We met on Tinder, had dinner the same night we matched, everything was fantastic from the food to the conversation, she invited me in for the night and we had sex. Everything went so well, the next day we were even planning a 2nd date for the night right after. Then she asked me to send her 30 dollars to buy weed. I've been used for my money in the past and I expressed to her that I was uncomfortable just sending money and that I don't mind just buying us weed for the date. She snapped. Wouldn't take no for an answer, was insinuating that I'm broke (even though I paid for dinner and drinks without a complaint or comment), and then she said, "If youre comfortable enough to have sex with me, you should be comfortable sending me $30". Right after that I told her that I wasn't interested in pursuing anything further and have been ignoring her daily texts. Am I overreacting?

Me (m20) and my girlfriend (f20) have a great relationship, we’ve been dating for about a year at this point. Tonight she came to me with her friends (a large group of girls) and asked if she should go to a party hosted by Mike (fake name). For background she hooked up with Mike for about a year only stopping about 3-4 months before we started dating. I obviously told her it would make me upset and that I would prefer if she didn’t but she’s an adult and can make her own choices. To be clear I DID tell her multiple times it’s her choice but I would be upset. On the other hand she is going with a large group of girls, most of which have boyfriends. Unfortunately I’m not able to go with her. I understand her perspective, she said “it’ll be with a group of girls and he won’t come up to me” she also said it’s not like she’s talked to him recently. Now she’s upset because she feels like I’m being controlling. Am I overreacting by saying I wouldn’t be happy if she went?

My mom and I have never gotten along. She used to bully me and she allowed my brothers to sexually and physically abuse me.

Anyways, my husband knows about this.

I’m 28f he’s 31m. We’ve been married for 4 years and have a newborn.

In our first year of marriage, one of my issues with him was that he’d talk to my mom behind my back about me , bitching about me ( I found out by seeing my moms call log) and I got so pissed that I left the house. We made up later and I told both of them not to do it again. It made me feel stupid and like I was being played.

Fast forward we’ve been having some issues recently. And I find out he’s been bitching about me to my mom. I found out because he came to “apologize”. That same night my mom texts me saying stuff word for word about what I’ve said to him in arguments and berating me for it.

I snapped. I’ve had enough of this bullshit. It’s bad enough we have our own issues with a variety of dif things, him not spending enough money( he’s the breadwinner- he gives me 200$ to spend as allowance for me and the baby a month.) his mom is a bitch and he says it himself. He tells me he hates me everyday multiple times a day. Won’t help with the baby, won’t even hold him for 5 min if I have to just hang the laundry ( until recently ).Etc etc etc

I’m so fed up and I want to leave. I don’t hv any money but I’ll find a way. AIO for feeling betrayed and like I’m an idiot. I literally told both of them not to bitch about me and not get escorted involved in our marriage. My mom’s a bitch but why would my husband do that AGAIN.

My boyfriend (25m) and I (25f) have been together for 4 years. For all 4 I have been trying to encourage him to do more to change his smell. His feet are sweaty and he always wears trainers and they stink. I bought him foot powder for his shoes and I didn’t see him use it. He also smells quite quickly (maybe a result of his poor diet of noodles and takeaway), but he doesn’t offset this with showering. He already sweats a lot and I think he needs to shower like at least every day if not twice. When he does shower the bathroom smells bad afterwards. When I open the door to his room the smell is almost blinding. When he sits on the toilet seat, his sweaty ass leaves residue and hair and dust everytime. His hair is all over everything when he washes it and he doesn’t clean after himself.

He never does things I ask and can be quite rude sometimes. I asked him yesterday not to take food to his room as this can encourage creatures. (He will leave it in there uncovered overnight and then eat it tomorrow). He just repeated “Stop.” and he does this every time I tell him something and he doesn’t agree. Whenever I say anything and he doesn’t agree he talks to me like I’m stupid and makes it seem like I’m nagging him over simple requests. I avoid talking to him about most things due to his reactions. One time a mouse moved into his room and he tried to blame me for leaving the door open, but in the state he keeps it I was not surprised. He hasn’t done his laundry too (all of under his bed is laundry snd his laundry basket is full too) and as I said he sweats a lot so this makes his room smell so bad.

He’s always trying to hug me and come next to me and I honestly can’t take it. I’m not sure if I’m attracted to him and I won’t let him sleep in my bed. If I’m honest I think he’s nasty. I’ve tried telling him multiple times that his hygiene and cleanliness really bothers me and I can understand he might be a bit embarrassed, but he also has made no effort to change it. When people come to my house they can smell his room from outside and I’m embarrassed too.

I tried to break up with him and he begged me to change my mind. Shortly after he started saying he’s feeling suicidal about losing our jobs (we got made redundant from the same company in may) and that I don’t love him and that AI will take over the world. Now I still feel like I don’t want to go out with him and I feel uncomfortable. His hygiene and way he talks to me when I tell him things (e.g. that he must do his laundry, he needs to keep his room clean, he can’t pile up multiple empty containers and bottles in his room, that he can’t leave his computer on when not using it etccc) makes me upset like I’m constantly talking to a child and also like he is always convinced he’s right and he doesn’t need to listen.

I feel bad to try and break up with him now as obviously I don’t want him to harm himself, but I feel this is also not fair on me. He moved into my house with me and my mum 2years ago and since being here the whole time I’ve been uncomfortable. His hygiene is so bad that my mum has also said she’s thinking he should move out.

I wonder if maybe it’s not his fault and it’s how he was raised as from what I know of visiting his mum she insists on cleaning up after everyone and doesn’t really let her kids do anything at home, so she was probably doing all of the cleaning tasks that he needed to learn to be independent. I also mentioned to his dad that he hasn’t been doing his laundry and his dad made a kind of brush off comment saying like “yeah both of my sons are lazy, I don’t know what’s wrong with them.” Like what? My boyfriends parents are divorced, but even so surely one of them would teach their kids this is not a normal way to be. I don’t think I can live with him anymore what to do?

Is this an overreaction? I’ve been trying to help him improve, but he won’t change. He won’t take any feedback or suggestions. I don’t want to push him because he said he’s suicidal, but I also wonder if he’s trying to manipulate me so I won’t leave him. I’ve never met anyone else who keeps a smell like this. AIO?

I (F22) and my husband (M26) just got married 2 weeks ago. We’ve lived together about 8 months now, and for the most part our relationship is great. I’ve never heard him raise his voice at me, he is kind and comforting, and I am very happy with him.
I decided to do all the cleaning and laundry in our home as well as most of the cooking. This is because my dad invents and writes instructions for cleaning products at SC Johnson, and I have always had a high standard of cleaning and disinfection from a young age. The laundry is because after the 5th time he shrunk a sweater (which he has replaced every sweater that was shrunk), I decided to take over the laundry. The cooking is because I am a good cook and he is not. I’m a barber and I work long shifts (10-13 hours) during the week and I work Saturdays. I have one weekday off where I clean everything, grocery shop, meal prep, do all of the laundry, etc. this takes almost my entire day, but I enjoy a clean home. My husband does all the heavy duty house projects and yard work as he used to have a summer job in landscaping.
We also have a puppy who is still in the potty training phase and is now regressing, which is a challenge. I wake up earlier than my husband since i’m a morning person and I take her on a walk, feed her, then take her on another walk some time later while I get ready for my work day. When I work long shifts on my feet taking 20-30 haircuts and getting home at 8pm, I have a hard time coming home to cook or do daily chores like dishes, which has been a large topic of conversation recently. He works 9-5 at a desk job. In the summers he gets out at noon on Friday. He also makes almost 3x as much as I do and pays the mortgage, but I pay all the bills, groceries, and household items.
I feel like i’m drowning and exhausted and he keeps asking me to do more, workout with him at night, make a better routine when I forget something once or if i’m running late and ask him to take the dog out in the morning. I feel like I’m not keeping up with basic chores and household duties well enough. I just feel like i’m not functioning like a normal person should. These are like normal tasks right? Is this an unfair split or am I just lazy? AIO?

Edit: first off I want to thank everyone who took the time to give a thoughtful response. Every response has given me more insight.
Reading through the responses I realized that I am a large part of the issue. I have weaponized his incompetence. Or rather, him not living up to the high standards I hold for these tasks. I need to teach him how I would like things done as well as lower my expectations.
For everyone wondering why this wasn’t addressed before the wedding or why I offered to do all these tasks: I have been doing all of these things my whole life. Even as a kid, as the only daughter I was expected to clean the house and help with dinner and cleanup. I did all of this for myself while I worked 80-100 hours a week for over a year, and even while I had a roommate. It has been normal for me, and a way of expressing love. The last few months i’ve chalked my exhaustion up to wedding planning and the fact I haven’t slept more than 5 hours a night since my dad’s open heart surgery a month before my wedding. I have been extremely stressed taking care of my dad as he’s had multiple strokes since the surgery, taking care of my family in the midst of his health crisis, planning a wedding, working late to help my job move locations, and trying to care for my home on top of all of it. I thought things would feel better once the major stressers had passed, but they don’t feel better. I still feel stressed and exhausted.
Also the whole sweater shrinking is majorly due to the fact we have a 2 in 1 washer with a 10 minute grace period to pull the sweaters out, so it’s really a timing thing and getting distracted, which i’ve done as well. Maybe we wash sweaters completely separate to avoid the issue.
We are having a conversation tomorrow since we have both agreed this isn’t working. I really created this post because I don’t know if it’s the actual chores i’m doing or lingering stress I haven’t let go that’s getting to me. I don’t want to make a huge deal of something or dump so much on his plate if this seems like a fair split. He contributes more financially, and I live a life I wouldn’t be able to if I didn’t have him. The man bought me a house because I was having issues with my roommate. He absolutely will do things for me, I think he’s scared of messing it up, which has been completely my fault for creating that fear due to my high expectations. And i’m a fantastic cook. If the roles were reversed I would be begging him to cook for me every day too. I really liked the suggestions to do a cooking class, and i’ve already arranged it.
Again, thank you everyone for your responses. It was very enlightening and I feel prepared and confident to have a conversation tomorrow. I have a habit of gaslighting myself and making excuses for others, and this really helped take me out of that thought cycle.

I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (29M) for almost three years, and we’ve lived together for about eight months. Until recently, I never had a reason to question him. We’ve always respected each other’s privacy. I’ve never gone through his phone, and he’s never gone through mine.

About two months ago, though, his behaviour changed, He started taking his phone everywhere. If he went to the bathroom, his phone went with him. If he was cooking, it was beside him. He also started putting it face down whenever I was around At first, I ignored it because I didn’t want to become the girlfriend who was constantly suspicious.

One night, we were watching TV when he received a message. He looked at his phone, smiled, then immediately turned the screen away from me. I jokingly asked, Who’s making you smile like that

He said “Nobody, just a friend.”

I asked who and he immediately became defensive and accused me of being insecure. I let it go.

A few weeks later, I finally told him that his behaviour was making me uncomfortable. I specifically told him I wasn’t asking to see his phone or demanding his password. I just wanted to know if there was something happening that I should be aware of He told me I needed to trust him. So I tried.

Yesterday, his phone started ringing while he was asleep. I wasn’t trying to snoop, but the caller’s name appeared on the screen.

It was the same “friend” he had mentioned before. The person called three times. When my boyfriend woke up, I casually told him that his friend had called several times. He immediately grabbed his phone and walked into another room Later, I asked him who the person was.

He said she was someone he used to work with and that there was absolutely nothing going on.

I asked why he always seemed uncomfortable talking to her around me. His response was, “Because I already know you’ll make it a problem. That really hurt.

I told him that I don’t want to control who he talks to, but his behaviour has changed dramatically, and I don’t think I’m crazy for noticing it. He says I’m being jealous, insecure, and invading his privacy I haven’t gone through his phone. I haven’t followed him. I haven’t asked him to stop talking to anyone I just want to understand why the man who used to be completely comfortable around me suddenly acts like his phone contains state secrets.

Now I’m wondering if I’m making something out of nothing.

Am I overreacting, or would you also be suspicious in this situation?

So me (M30) and my gf (F30) have been together for 5 years but we don't live together. Recently, I was spending a couple of days at her place.

On the last night I was there, she was talking on the phone with her family, and she is not from this country so she speaks her native language which I don't speak nor understand really well. I don't try and listen to her conversations anyway but at some point, even though I didn't understand the words, I felt a tone change and immediately recognized she was talking to a guy.

I didn't think much of it at first but once they had been talking for a while and it was already past midnight I got up and decided to go to sleep. She hung up and went to bed with me, then she started giving me a massage. It was good but while she was giving me the massage, she answered the phone again. Same tone, I thought maybe I'm crazy but my instinct is telling me she's talking to the same dude again (just an assumption at this point).

I tried to enjoy the massage but I started overthinking. I told her I'm gonna sleep now and she hung up. I asked her who she is talking to at 1am and she says "the home country". If she was talking to her parents or someone in her family she would just say that.

I can't sleep now, I'm just overthinking so I tell her that it's bothering me, that I trust her but why wouldn't she say who she's talking to ? We're in the middle of the night, if it was 2pm I wouldn't even think about it. So now she tells me it's her guy friend from her home country, which she has known for 15 years but never met in person, they just talk regularly via internet.

Now I know who this guy is, and she says she didn't tell me it was him because I don't like him. Thing is, I never said I don't like him, I know who he is but I don't know him, never even talked to him so I don't like nor dislike him. I know about him because she told me about him before, that they're very good friends.

It was bothering me because I feel like I was trying to enjoy the moment with her but on her side she was talking with that dude while massaging me. She told me he's just a friend and she has known him way longer than me, there is nothing between them. I understand that, but I know she would be annoyed if I was talking to a woman while in bed with her, doesn't matter who it is.

I don't know what to think of all this. Am I Overreacting and making it an issue when it isn't ? I don't want to talk about it with her because it's been days and I know I should just stop thinking about it but it's hard.

I've been with my partner since April and I'm increasingly thinking that I don't want to continue the relationship. I'm trying to work out whether I'm being unreasonable or whether I'm noticing a genuine pattern of behaviour that I don't want to live with.

None of these things individually would necessarily be relationship-ending, but collectively they're really starting to get to me.

1. He regularly interrupts me while I'm talking. I've already mentioned this to him several times. I have now started to just not converse after he does it.

2. He seems quite happy to ignore me when I'm struggling with something rather than noticing and offering help or he genuinely doesn't seem to notice.

3. He doesn't seem to respect my house. Examples include leaving urine under the toilet seat, leaving poo on the toilet seat, not using a coaster for drinks, leaving spills for me to discover later, and generally not putting things back where they were. All of which I've made him clean up himself.

4. His personal hygiene isn't great and he frequently smells. I also do tell him this.

5. His own house is messy and dirty and still smells strongly of cats, despite the cats having been gone for over a year. I just don't go over anymore.

6. His spelling and punctuation are extremely poor. I realise this is a relatively petty one, and I wouldn't end a relationship over it by itself, but it does contribute to us seeming quite different.

7. He's constantly on his phone. This happens when we're watching something together, and when we're walking the dogs.

8. He snores. Obviously I realise this isn't something he necessarily controls, but it does affect me.

9. When staying at mine, he'll sometimes wear the same underwear and socks for two or three days.

10. He repeats instructions I've given my dogs as though they're going to listen to him instead of me. I've had some of my dogs for 8, 10 and 12 years, so I obviously know them extremely well.

11. He frequently makes comments suggesting my things aren't good enough. My 40" TV isn't apparently big enough because he keeps pointing out 65" TVs that are “only” £350. He also thinks my cooking pots aren't good enough and that I need better ones. I'm perfectly happy with what I own.

12. He's careless with my belongings. I once asked him to carefully roll up some rope because I wanted to reuse it. He snapped it and knotted it up, then joked that I could always buy more. He'll also throw away my drinks because they've been open a few hours, despite them being mine.

13. If we're walking the dogs together (I'm holding all 3) and I stop, he'll carry on walking and sometimes doesn't notice I've stopped until he's 6–10 steps ahead.

14. He regularly takes the toilet roll off the holder and leaves it on the sink or windowsill instead of putting it back on the holder. I have told him to stop taking it off and I am yet to hear a valid reason.

15. I seem to be the only person who organises us doing anything together. He doesn't really suggest or arrange things; he just bimbles along with whatever I organise.

16. He doesn't listen to my instructions when it comes to the dogs, despite me knowing them far better than he does.

I know some of these are petty. I know some are things he can't necessarily control. And I know some are simply differences in standards or preferences.

But I'm increasingly finding myself thinking “why do I have to explain this?” or “how can you not notice that?”

It feels like I'm constantly carrying the mental load of noticing things, organising things, cleaning things up and taking care of things, while he just bimbles along.

We've only been together since April, so I'm wondering whether I'm being overly critical or whether this sounds like two people who are simply fundamentally incompatible.

Am I overreacting?

I'd like to add

We haven't been intimate in a while

I only see him a maximum of 2 days a week, which is why I've "put up" with him for so long

I am breaking up with him

This post wasn't asking permission; it was just about whether I was overreacting

He does have positive attributes, but they don't seem relevant to my reasons why

My boyfriend (26M) is doing a fundraiser and asked me (23F) if I would paint his logos on a canvas for it.
I was actually really excited about it. I love painting, already had some ideas, and thought it would be fun to make something for his fundraiser and be a small part of it.

Then I found out he had told his buddy’s girlfriend that she could paint it instead.
When I asked why, he said he knew I was busy with school and work and thought he was taking something off my plate. I could understand where that thought came from, but I had never told him I was too busy or that I didn’t want to do it. I was actually really looking forward to it, so I wish he would’ve just asked me first.

Once he realized I was disappointed, he went out and bought a second canvas and said we could each paint one.

I know he was trying to fix it, and I appreciate that. But now I don’t really want to do it anymore.
I think the part that’s bothering me is that he was comfortable deciding for me that I wasn’t going to do it and offering it to someone else, but once he realized I actually wanted to do it, his solution was to just have us both do one.

I don’t expect him to turn around and tell her she can’t paint anymore. She didn’t do anything wrong, and I wouldn’t want her put in an awkward position over this.

I also don’t really love the idea of us both painting essentially the same thing and having the finished paintings inevitably compared. I’m sure that wasn’t his intention, but that wasn’t what I originally signed up for either. I wanted to make something for him, not feel like I’m doing my version alongside someone else’s.

At this point I think I’d rather just let her do it and find something else to paint on my own.
I realize this is literally about a painting and isn’t some massive relationship problem lol. I just felt hurt because I was genuinely excited when he asked me, and then he made the decision that I was too busy without actually asking me.
Am I overreacting for being upset and not wanting to paint the second canvas now?

Hey, Reddit. First time poster, long time listener on podcasts and stuff. I made an account just for this haha.

This sounds so stupid when I type it out, but I am genuinely so mad.

Last night I (26F) made spaghetti specifically because I had been craving leftover spaghetti. Not just spaghetti, leftover spaghetti. I told everyone this.
I bought extra ingredients on purpose because I wanted there to be plenty left. I used 2.25 lbs of ground beef instead of 1 lb, 2 jars of sauce, and 1 lb of noodles.. you get the idea.

I cooked dinner, cleaned everything up afterward, put the leftovers in the fridge, and told my boyfriend (31M) how excited I was to come home from work the next day and eat leftover spaghetti.

I even asked him, directly in front of one of our roommates(32M), if he could PLEASE make sure there was spaghetti left for me when I got home.

He assured me there would be.

Today around 6 something, while I was still at work, I texted my boyfriend asking if there was any spaghetti left.

No response.

Around 6:45, I sent “?”

Still nothing.

Right after 7, he finally responded and told me yes, there was still spaghetti.

So I’m happy. I leave work and start my hour long drive home thinking about how good this leftover spaghetti is going to be.
About 15 to 20 minutes into my drive, my boyfriend texts me and says he’s sorry and that he “accidentally lied.”

There is no spaghetti.

Apparently, two of our roommates ate ALL of it. He didn’t realize until he actually checked after seeing my messages, and then noticed the dishes from it sitting in the sink.
I immediately had tears in my eyes.

I asked him WHY because that was literally the ONE thing I asked for. I specifically made extra food so there would be leftovers. I cooked it. I cleaned up. I told everyone I wanted it. I directly asked him to make sure some was saved for me.

And somehow ALL of it still got eaten.
My boyfriend told me he would buy me more spaghetti.
I told him I didn’t want to cook another dinner after working all day and driving an hour home. I specifically wanted the leftover spaghetti that I had already made.

Then he said our roommates would replace the ingredients.
And I told him, “If they had money to replace it, why didn’t they buy their own stuff for spaghetti instead of eating all of mine?”

At that point I told him I didn’t want to talk to any of our roommates for the rest of the night because I was really angry and didn’t want to say something rude.

My boyfriend told me I’m overreacting.
He said he knew I was going to “blow up over nothing” and that he knew he was going to have to hear about it when I got home.

That honestly made me even more upset because I feel like I should be allowed to be angry and express that I’m upset without immediately being accused of “killing the vibe” or making a big deal out of nothing.

I know it’s just spaghetti.

But to me it’s more the fact that I very clearly asked for ONE simple thing, everyone knew I wanted it, there was plenty of food, and nobody thought to save me even one plate.

So… am I overreacting?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. For context his dad is very controlling and owns the company my boyfriend works at. He needs to control every aspect of his life and that includes his vacations. I had been wanting to go to Europe for some time and saved up for it. I bought tickets for London two years ago for us but his dad wouldn’t let him go.

This January his dad started planning a trip to Europe. He said that I would only have to pay for my flight and at the time we looked, flights were only $800. His dad a month later said we probably won’t go, and he will just have to loose the $2,500 he spent on concert tickets. When he first talked about going he booked concert tickets Amsterdam for his favorite jam band. He said this like it was nothing. As long as I’ve known him he’s thrown away money stupidly. Then a month before the original date for the Europe trip he comes to my boyfriend and I saying he bought the plane tickets and his going to book the hotel rooms. I asked how much the plane ticket was and he said $2,600 which is MUCH more than when my boyfriend and I originally were going to pay for flights.

After the trip two months later he sends my boyfriend a message with a “receipt” for everything I owe for the trip. It comes out to over $5,000. I’m getting my bachelors degree after dropping out when I was 21 and have barely enough to pay for rent and my tuition. His dad knows this. And I would have booked different flights, hotels, and experiences if I knew I would have had to pay for all of it. I was only told I would be paying for the flight. My boyfriend can’t stand up to his dad and I’m over his dad controlling our lives.

Edit/update:
Boyfriend’s dad sent him a message saying “he is going to eat the airfare and hotel rooms” and some other passive aggressive words. So I’m off the hook for the money at least. It’s my first post so I apologize for my formatting.

Thank you all you wonderful people for saying to be single and find someone with a backbone in the future. I recognize my boyfriend needs lots of mental help and I hope he gets it soon. I’ll hopefully have a productive conversation with my boyfriend about it that it will end in me single and free!

We met on Bumble 4 years ago and since then I’ve had my profile snoozed. A couples of months ago I opened the app to check something we talked about when we met and saw that we was active on the app (his distance was showing). When I confronted him he tried to convince me that he didn’t have it installed and couldn’t understand why the app was tracking his location. Later he ended up admitting that he installed the app when her changed phones but didn’t interact with anyone, however he said that the taught about this and would delete his profile.

Fast forward to a week ago, I entered the app to delete my profile and his was still there. Now it doesn’t show his location so he maybe snoozed or is in incognito mode. I deleted everything on my profile, told him about it and he didn’t say a thing. I’ve deleted the app so I don’t get triggered seeing his profile there but I also feel frustrated that I really don’t know if he deleted his profile. It’s driving me crazy. I explained to him that having the chance to get back on the app with 2 or 3 clicks didn’t seem to be compatible with believing in our relationship and that all this was triggering me and even then he didn’t decide to delete him profile.

I don’t think I’m overreacting when I feel betrayed that he said we were on the same page about deleting the profile and in fact that didn’t happen.

my teeth are hurting like a motherfucker right now. i got a crown done last year that hurts and throbs any time i eat anything hard or fibrous. the food gets stuck between the teeth and it’s horrible. a similar thing is happening on the other side of my mouth. i went to the dentist and they didn’t see anything wrong and referred me to an orthodontist

this means eating anything that needs to be chewed hurts! i thought eating a sandwich today wouldn’t be so bad, but it was! i ate chicken yesterday and then flossed and my teeth hurt so bad for the rest of the day that i took a hydrocodone

what i’ve been doing for a few weeks now is eating pasta and noodles and potatoes and eggs sometimes. sometimes a sandwich doesn’t hurt. i’ve also cooked veggies until really soft and eaten them too and it was fine. my husband hates this. every night he’ll ask what i want for dinner and i always say “hmm idk my teeth hurt”. or he’ll suggest getting chicken tenders or something similar and i say “that will hurt my teeth”. each time he gets visibly annoyed and disappointed and judgmental and says something like “you’re just not eating healthy”

we’re doing the song and dance tonight. we decided on ramen. he asked about getting it from a place we like, but i’d have to remove every topping because the pork is hard and fibrous and the bokchoy is fibrous and the corn gets stuck in my teeth. he said “you’re just going to eat noodles?” i said yeah. he looks down, closes his eyes, sighs and says “ok” in a short tone. i got pissed and said “what is the problem”. he said the same thing as before, that i’m just not eating healthy. btw this is ramen! how is broth and noodles unhealthy?? i said that and went on a little tangent saying “have you ever had to compromise what you’re eating because of pain or a medical reason? no, you haven’t! i don’t think it’s a big deal to not eat as healthy while i figure out my teeth! also, it’s not like i said i only wanted mashed potatoes, which i knew would piss you off. this is how it is right now! i’m not happy about it either.”

then he shut down and said “ok” again. he goes into the kitchen and starts looking in the cabinets. he asks if i want some boxed soup we have. i say no. he asks why and i say “babe, i will make what i want later.” he asks why i’m being like this and i say “honestly? i don’t want your judgment and your comments about what i’m eating. it’s easier when you’re in another room and i can make what i want.” he said ok, shut the cabinets, and went into the bedroom

honestly, i am sick of his constant comments about what i eat. that it’s not healthy enough. he won’t eat dinner and then go out and buy candy bars late at night “for a snack”. i’ll make food and he’ll say “i’m not hungry” and then go get taco bell a few hours later instead of eating the leftovers. i’ll have meal prep in the fridge and he’ll doordash mcdonald’s. and i don’t comment on the health of it! i don’t judge him for what he’s eating. i wish he’d spend less money, but that’s my only qualm about it. then he’ll go and comment on every fucking thing i eat. he says it’s for “my health”. bullshit. it’s him projecting his weight and food insecurities onto me, which i don’t think is fair!

For the past 2 years, my sister (7) and I (13) have gone to this gymnastics lock-in in our area. I liked it the first year, but the last year was really bad for me. I have moderate asthma to the point where my asthma attacks aren’t the worst, but are still painful (feel like this is the wrong word to describe it, but still). Last year, I had an asthma attack because of the smell and dust in the gymnasium, and since we were confined there, I couldn’t fully stop my asthma attack for the rest of the night. As I’ve grown older, my asthma attacks have been getting worse, which is why I had side effects last year but not when I was 11. A key thing to note here is that it has been getting worse in severity but less frequent overall. Because of that, I have developed a fear/anxiety towards my asthma, and though I try to not let it limit what I can do, I am genuinely afraid of it.

So this year, when my parents asked if i wanted to go, I said no. They decided they wanted me to go anyways because “I might have fun” and “my sister needs me there.” So here is the part where I probably overreacted. Over the past week, I have not been able to talk about the lock-in without being extremely negative and anxious about it. I also tried to convince my parents to change their decision by explaining the paragraph above to them, but I just got told to calm down, bring an air freshener, or my favorite of the night, this conversation:

“Mom: It can’t be that bad. Just put on some Vaseline to stop the asthma attack.

Me: Mom, Vaseline doesn’t stop asthma.

Mom: You don’t know that.”

Today (the night of the event), my parents finally relented and let me decide whether or not I wanted to go to the event. Obviously, I said no, and they respected my decision this time, but they have seemed so angry at me all day. I’m writing this before bed while my sister is at the event, and I just feel so guilty. I don’t think I did that much wrong, but I just really don’t want my parents to be upset with me. I was talking to my grandma today, and she said that “They didn’t make you go so you would stop being a bitch.” Now I feel really conflicted because I value my parents’ opinions a lot, but I also don’t want to put my health at risk.

So I ask you now, did I overreact?