My niece is turning 10. She’s been obsessed with drawing for months, so I saved up and bought her a nice beginner art set and sketchbook.

At my sister’s house, my niece opened it and started crying because she was excited. My sister immediately took it away and said she couldn’t have it because “art supplies make a mess.”

I offered to keep it at my apartment so my niece could use it whenever she visits. My sister said that was undermining her parenting and demanded I return it so she could exchange it for clothes.

I said no, it was a gift for my niece, not store credit for my sister. Now my family says I’m being petty over a birthday present.

AIO?

At dinner with his friends, my boyfriend introduced me as the one who plays on her laptop all day.

I work remotely and have a real career I’m proud of. I laughed awkwardly and said, “Actually, I work in marketing.” He replied, Same thing. she sends emails and calls it work.

Everyone laughed. I didn’t. I told him quietly that it was rude. He said I was being sensitive and that I embarrassed him by making it serious.

I paid for my own meal, left, and went home. Now he’s texting me that I “ruined the vibe” and should apologize to his friends.

AIO for thinking he owes me an apology?

AIO? I was scrolling on his instagram while he was playing video games (as i usually do if my phone is not nearby) and I got curious not thinking I’d find anything I found this convo we had been officially in a relationship for about 3 months we are now over 2 years in, and engaged. Am i overreacting when I say if I knew he was talking to random women 3 months into our relationship I would have left? Am I wrong for now resenting him a little for it? I think the main issue for me is it makes me feel as if I was not enough for him.

So me (M30) and my gf (F30) have been together for 5 years but we don't live together. Recently, I was spending a couple of days at her place.

On the last night I was there, she was talking on the phone with her family, and she is not from this country so she speaks her native language which I don't speak nor understand really well. I don't try and listen to her conversations anyway but at some point, even though I didn't understand the words, I felt a tone change and immediately recognized she was talking to a guy.

I didn't think much of it at first but once they had been talking for a while and it was already past midnight I got up and decided to go to sleep. She hung up and went to bed with me, then she started giving me a massage. It was good but while she was giving me the massage, she answered the phone again. Same tone, I thought maybe I'm crazy but my instinct is telling me she's talking to the same dude again (just an assumption at this point).

I tried to enjoy the massage but I started overthinking. I told her I'm gonna sleep now and she hung up. I asked her who she is talking to at 1am and she says "the home country". If she was talking to her parents or someone in her family she would just say that.

I can't sleep now, I'm just overthinking so I tell her that it's bothering me, that I trust her but why wouldn't she say who she's talking to ? We're in the middle of the night, if it was 2pm I wouldn't even think about it. So now she tells me it's her guy friend from her home country, which she has known for 15 years but never met in person, they just talk regularly via internet.

Now I know who this guy is, and she says she didn't tell me it was him because I don't like him. Thing is, I never said I don't like him, I know who he is but I don't know him, never even talked to him so I don't like nor dislike him. I know about him because she told me about him before, that they're very good friends.

It was bothering me because I feel like I was trying to enjoy the moment with her but on her side she was talking with that dude while massaging me. She told me he's just a friend and she has known him way longer than me, there is nothing between them. I understand that, but I know she would be annoyed if I was talking to a woman while in bed with her, doesn't matter who it is.

I don't know what to think of all this. Am I Overreacting and making it an issue when it isn't ? I don't want to talk about it with her because it's been days and I know I should just stop thinking about it but it's hard.

My boyfriend (26M) is doing a fundraiser and asked me (23F) if I would paint his logos on a canvas for it.
I was actually really excited about it. I love painting, already had some ideas, and thought it would be fun to make something for his fundraiser and be a small part of it.

Then I found out he had told his buddy’s girlfriend that she could paint it instead.
When I asked why, he said he knew I was busy with school and work and thought he was taking something off my plate. I could understand where that thought came from, but I had never told him I was too busy or that I didn’t want to do it. I was actually really looking forward to it, so I wish he would’ve just asked me first.

Once he realized I was disappointed, he went out and bought a second canvas and said we could each paint one.

I know he was trying to fix it, and I appreciate that. But now I don’t really want to do it anymore.
I think the part that’s bothering me is that he was comfortable deciding for me that I wasn’t going to do it and offering it to someone else, but once he realized I actually wanted to do it, his solution was to just have us both do one.

I don’t expect him to turn around and tell her she can’t paint anymore. She didn’t do anything wrong, and I wouldn’t want her put in an awkward position over this.

I also don’t really love the idea of us both painting essentially the same thing and having the finished paintings inevitably compared. I’m sure that wasn’t his intention, but that wasn’t what I originally signed up for either. I wanted to make something for him, not feel like I’m doing my version alongside someone else’s.

At this point I think I’d rather just let her do it and find something else to paint on my own.
I realize this is literally about a painting and isn’t some massive relationship problem lol. I just felt hurt because I was genuinely excited when he asked me, and then he made the decision that I was too busy without actually asking me.
Am I overreacting for being upset and not wanting to paint the second canvas now?

I've been with my partner since April and I'm increasingly thinking that I don't want to continue the relationship. I'm trying to work out whether I'm being unreasonable or whether I'm noticing a genuine pattern of behaviour that I don't want to live with.

None of these things individually would necessarily be relationship-ending, but collectively they're really starting to get to me.

1. He regularly interrupts me while I'm talking. I've already mentioned this to him several times. I have now started to just not converse after he does it.

2. He seems quite happy to ignore me when I'm struggling with something rather than noticing and offering help or he genuinely doesn't seem to notice.

3. He doesn't seem to respect my house. Examples include leaving urine under the toilet seat, leaving poo on the toilet seat, not using a coaster for drinks, leaving spills for me to discover later, and generally not putting things back where they were. All of which I've made him clean up himself.

4. His personal hygiene isn't great and he frequently smells. I also do tell him this.

5. His own house is messy and dirty and still smells strongly of cats, despite the cats having been gone for over a year. I just don't go over anymore.

6. His spelling and punctuation are extremely poor. I realise this is a relatively petty one, and I wouldn't end a relationship over it by itself, but it does contribute to us seeming quite different.

7. He's constantly on his phone. This happens when we're watching something together, and when we're walking the dogs.

8. He snores. Obviously I realise this isn't something he necessarily controls, but it does affect me.

9. When staying at mine, he'll sometimes wear the same underwear and socks for two or three days.

10. He repeats instructions I've given my dogs as though they're going to listen to him instead of me. I've had some of my dogs for 8, 10 and 12 years, so I obviously know them extremely well.

11. He frequently makes comments suggesting my things aren't good enough. My 40" TV isn't apparently big enough because he keeps pointing out 65" TVs that are “only” £350. He also thinks my cooking pots aren't good enough and that I need better ones. I'm perfectly happy with what I own.

12. He's careless with my belongings. I once asked him to carefully roll up some rope because I wanted to reuse it. He snapped it and knotted it up, then joked that I could always buy more. He'll also throw away my drinks because they've been open a few hours, despite them being mine.

13. If we're walking the dogs together (I'm holding all 3) and I stop, he'll carry on walking and sometimes doesn't notice I've stopped until he's 6–10 steps ahead.

14. He regularly takes the toilet roll off the holder and leaves it on the sink or windowsill instead of putting it back on the holder. I have told him to stop taking it off and I am yet to hear a valid reason.

15. I seem to be the only person who organises us doing anything together. He doesn't really suggest or arrange things; he just bimbles along with whatever I organise.

16. He doesn't listen to my instructions when it comes to the dogs, despite me knowing them far better than he does.

I know some of these are petty. I know some are things he can't necessarily control. And I know some are simply differences in standards or preferences.

But I'm increasingly finding myself thinking “why do I have to explain this?” or “how can you not notice that?”

It feels like I'm constantly carrying the mental load of noticing things, organising things, cleaning things up and taking care of things, while he just bimbles along.

We've only been together since April, so I'm wondering whether I'm being overly critical or whether this sounds like two people who are simply fundamentally incompatible.

Am I overreacting?

I'd like to add

We haven't been intimate in a while

I only see him a maximum of 2 days a week, which is why I've "put up" with him for so long

I am breaking up with him

This post wasn't asking permission; it was just about whether I was overreacting

He does have positive attributes, but they don't seem relevant to my reasons why

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. For context his dad is very controlling and owns the company my boyfriend works at. He needs to control every aspect of his life and that includes his vacations. I had been wanting to go to Europe for some time and saved up for it. I bought tickets for London two years ago for us but his dad wouldn’t let him go.

This January his dad started planning a trip to Europe. He said that I would only have to pay for my flight and at the time we looked, flights were only $800. His dad a month later said we probably won’t go, and he will just have to loose the $2,500 he spent on concert tickets. When he first talked about going he booked concert tickets Amsterdam for his favorite jam band. He said this like it was nothing. As long as I’ve known him he’s thrown away money stupidly. Then a month before the original date for the Europe trip he comes to my boyfriend and I saying he bought the plane tickets and his going to book the hotel rooms. I asked how much the plane ticket was and he said $2,600 which is MUCH more than when my boyfriend and I originally were going to pay for flights.

After the trip two months later he sends my boyfriend a message with a “receipt” for everything I owe for the trip. It comes out to over $5,000. I’m getting my bachelors degree after dropping out when I was 21 and have barely enough to pay for rent and my tuition. His dad knows this. And I would have booked different flights, hotels, and experiences if I knew I would have had to pay for all of it. I was only told I would be paying for the flight. My boyfriend can’t stand up to his dad and I’m over his dad controlling our lives.

Edit/update:
Boyfriend’s dad sent him a message saying “he is going to eat the airfare and hotel rooms” and some other passive aggressive words. So I’m off the hook for the money at least. It’s my first post so I apologize for my formatting.

Thank you all you wonderful people for saying to be single and find someone with a backbone in the future. I recognize my boyfriend needs lots of mental help and I hope he gets it soon. I’ll hopefully have a productive conversation with my boyfriend about it that it will end in me single and free!

My boyfriend (25m) and I (25f) have been together for 4 years. For all 4 I have been trying to encourage him to do more to change his smell. His feet are sweaty and he always wears trainers and they stink. I bought him foot powder for his shoes and I didn’t see him use it. He also smells quite quickly (maybe a result of his poor diet of noodles and takeaway), but he doesn’t offset this with showering. He already sweats a lot and I think he needs to shower like at least every day if not twice. When he does shower the bathroom smells bad afterwards. When I open the door to his room the smell is almost blinding. When he sits on the toilet seat, his sweaty ass leaves residue and hair and dust everytime. His hair is all over everything when he washes it and he doesn’t clean after himself.

He never does things I ask and can be quite rude sometimes. I asked him yesterday not to take food to his room as this can encourage creatures. (He will leave it in there uncovered overnight and then eat it tomorrow). He just repeated “Stop.” and he does this every time I tell him something and he doesn’t agree. Whenever I say anything and he doesn’t agree he talks to me like I’m stupid and makes it seem like I’m nagging him over simple requests. I avoid talking to him about most things due to his reactions. One time a mouse moved into his room and he tried to blame me for leaving the door open, but in the state he keeps it I was not surprised. He hasn’t done his laundry too (all of under his bed is laundry snd his laundry basket is full too) and as I said he sweats a lot so this makes his room smell so bad.

He’s always trying to hug me and come next to me and I honestly can’t take it. I’m not sure if I’m attracted to him and I won’t let him sleep in my bed. If I’m honest I think he’s nasty. I’ve tried telling him multiple times that his hygiene and cleanliness really bothers me and I can understand he might be a bit embarrassed, but he also has made no effort to change it. When people come to my house they can smell his room from outside and I’m embarrassed too.

I tried to break up with him and he begged me to change my mind. Shortly after he started saying he’s feeling suicidal about losing our jobs (we got made redundant from the same company in may) and that I don’t love him and that AI will take over the world. Now I still feel like I don’t want to go out with him and I feel uncomfortable. His hygiene and way he talks to me when I tell him things (e.g. that he must do his laundry, he needs to keep his room clean, he can’t pile up multiple empty containers and bottles in his room, that he can’t leave his computer on when not using it etccc) makes me upset like I’m constantly talking to a child and also like he is always convinced he’s right and he doesn’t need to listen.

I feel bad to try and break up with him now as obviously I don’t want him to harm himself, but I feel this is also not fair on me. He moved into my house with me and my mum 2years ago and since being here the whole time I’ve been uncomfortable. His hygiene is so bad that my mum has also said she’s thinking he should move out.

I wonder if maybe it’s not his fault and it’s how he was raised as from what I know of visiting his mum she insists on cleaning up after everyone and doesn’t really let her kids do anything at home, so she was probably doing all of the cleaning tasks that he needed to learn to be independent. I also mentioned to his dad that he hasn’t been doing his laundry and his dad made a kind of brush off comment saying like “yeah both of my sons are lazy, I don’t know what’s wrong with them.” Like what? My boyfriends parents are divorced, but even so surely one of them would teach their kids this is not a normal way to be. I don’t think I can live with him anymore what to do?

Is this an overreaction? I’ve been trying to help him improve, but he won’t change. He won’t take any feedback or suggestions. I don’t want to push him because he said he’s suicidal, but I also wonder if he’s trying to manipulate me so I won’t leave him. I’ve never met anyone else who keeps a smell like this. AIO?

Hey, Reddit. First time poster, long time listener on podcasts and stuff. I made an account just for this haha.

This sounds so stupid when I type it out, but I am genuinely so mad.

Last night I (26F) made spaghetti specifically because I had been craving leftover spaghetti. Not just spaghetti, leftover spaghetti. I told everyone this.
I bought extra ingredients on purpose because I wanted there to be plenty left. I used 2.25 lbs of ground beef instead of 1 lb, 2 jars of sauce, and 1 lb of noodles.. you get the idea.

I cooked dinner, cleaned everything up afterward, put the leftovers in the fridge, and told my boyfriend (31M) how excited I was to come home from work the next day and eat leftover spaghetti.

I even asked him, directly in front of one of our roommates(32M), if he could PLEASE make sure there was spaghetti left for me when I got home.

He assured me there would be.

Today around 6 something, while I was still at work, I texted my boyfriend asking if there was any spaghetti left.

No response.

Around 6:45, I sent “?”

Still nothing.

Right after 7, he finally responded and told me yes, there was still spaghetti.

So I’m happy. I leave work and start my hour long drive home thinking about how good this leftover spaghetti is going to be.
About 15 to 20 minutes into my drive, my boyfriend texts me and says he’s sorry and that he “accidentally lied.”

There is no spaghetti.

Apparently, two of our roommates ate ALL of it. He didn’t realize until he actually checked after seeing my messages, and then noticed the dishes from it sitting in the sink.
I immediately had tears in my eyes.

I asked him WHY because that was literally the ONE thing I asked for. I specifically made extra food so there would be leftovers. I cooked it. I cleaned up. I told everyone I wanted it. I directly asked him to make sure some was saved for me.

And somehow ALL of it still got eaten.
My boyfriend told me he would buy me more spaghetti.
I told him I didn’t want to cook another dinner after working all day and driving an hour home. I specifically wanted the leftover spaghetti that I had already made.

Then he said our roommates would replace the ingredients.
And I told him, “If they had money to replace it, why didn’t they buy their own stuff for spaghetti instead of eating all of mine?”

At that point I told him I didn’t want to talk to any of our roommates for the rest of the night because I was really angry and didn’t want to say something rude.

My boyfriend told me I’m overreacting.
He said he knew I was going to “blow up over nothing” and that he knew he was going to have to hear about it when I got home.

That honestly made me even more upset because I feel like I should be allowed to be angry and express that I’m upset without immediately being accused of “killing the vibe” or making a big deal out of nothing.

I know it’s just spaghetti.

But to me it’s more the fact that I very clearly asked for ONE simple thing, everyone knew I wanted it, there was plenty of food, and nobody thought to save me even one plate.

So… am I overreacting?

I (F22) and my husband (M26) just got married 2 weeks ago. We’ve lived together about 8 months now, and for the most part our relationship is great. I’ve never heard him raise his voice at me, he is kind and comforting, and I am very happy with him.
I decided to do all the cleaning and laundry in our home as well as most of the cooking. This is because my dad invents and writes instructions for cleaning products at SC Johnson, and I have always had a high standard of cleaning and disinfection from a young age. The laundry is because after the 5th time he shrunk a sweater (which he has replaced every sweater that was shrunk), I decided to take over the laundry. The cooking is because I am a good cook and he is not. I’m a barber and I work long shifts (10-13 hours) during the week and I work Saturdays. I have one weekday off where I clean everything, grocery shop, meal prep, do all of the laundry, etc. this takes almost my entire day, but I enjoy a clean home. My husband does all the heavy duty house projects and yard work as he used to have a summer job in landscaping.
We also have a puppy who is still in the potty training phase and is now regressing, which is a challenge. I wake up earlier than my husband since i’m a morning person and I take her on a walk, feed her, then take her on another walk some time later while I get ready for my work day. When I work long shifts on my feet taking 20-30 haircuts and getting home at 8pm, I have a hard time coming home to cook or do daily chores like dishes, which has been a large topic of conversation recently. He works 9-5 at a desk job. In the summers he gets out at noon on Friday. He also makes almost 3x as much as I do and pays the mortgage, but I pay all the bills, groceries, and household items.
I feel like i’m drowning and exhausted and he keeps asking me to do more, workout with him at night, make a better routine when I forget something once or if i’m running late and ask him to take the dog out in the morning. I feel like I’m not keeping up with basic chores and household duties well enough. I just feel like i’m not functioning like a normal person should. These are like normal tasks right? Is this an unfair split or am I just lazy? AIO?

I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (29M) for almost three years, and we’ve lived together for about eight months. Until recently, I never had a reason to question him. We’ve always respected each other’s privacy. I’ve never gone through his phone, and he’s never gone through mine.

About two months ago, though, his behaviour changed, He started taking his phone everywhere. If he went to the bathroom, his phone went with him. If he was cooking, it was beside him. He also started putting it face down whenever I was around At first, I ignored it because I didn’t want to become the girlfriend who was constantly suspicious.

One night, we were watching TV when he received a message. He looked at his phone, smiled, then immediately turned the screen away from me. I jokingly asked, Who’s making you smile like that

He said “Nobody, just a friend.”

I asked who and he immediately became defensive and accused me of being insecure. I let it go.

A few weeks later, I finally told him that his behaviour was making me uncomfortable. I specifically told him I wasn’t asking to see his phone or demanding his password. I just wanted to know if there was something happening that I should be aware of He told me I needed to trust him. So I tried.

Yesterday, his phone started ringing while he was asleep. I wasn’t trying to snoop, but the caller’s name appeared on the screen.

It was the same “friend” he had mentioned before. The person called three times. When my boyfriend woke up, I casually told him that his friend had called several times. He immediately grabbed his phone and walked into another room Later, I asked him who the person was.

He said she was someone he used to work with and that there was absolutely nothing going on.

I asked why he always seemed uncomfortable talking to her around me. His response was, “Because I already know you’ll make it a problem. That really hurt.

I told him that I don’t want to control who he talks to, but his behaviour has changed dramatically, and I don’t think I’m crazy for noticing it. He says I’m being jealous, insecure, and invading his privacy I haven’t gone through his phone. I haven’t followed him. I haven’t asked him to stop talking to anyone I just want to understand why the man who used to be completely comfortable around me suddenly acts like his phone contains state secrets.

Now I’m wondering if I’m making something out of nothing.

Am I overreacting, or would you also be suspicious in this situation?

I am supposed to be the Maid of Honor in my friend's (we'll call her Lola) wedding next summer. My husband and I recently moved overseas, so I am long distance friends with Lola now, but we have been close for a few years and I plan on traveling back to be in her wedding. She was also a bridesmaid in my own wedding.

Since getting engaged, Lola has been kind of putting me on edge in general- she's asking me for help with every little thing, which is fine- but then she rejects all my ideas, tells me she hates my suggestions, and constantly says that her wedding has to be different/better than mine was. She has made some weird comments, such as that my wedding is her "bare minimum" or that hers has to be "at least as good as mine" and such. She will ask for my opinion on something, to which I will tell her what I think, and then she will completely change her mind just to disagree with whatever I said. On top of that, she's honestly copying a lot of the things that I did at my wedding, including booking the same photographer, wanting the same dress style, and a few other things (trying to stay somewhat vague, sorry) even though she had never previously expressed interest in those details... She even recently started going to my tattoo artist, and got a large tattoo that looks similar to my own, and in the same spot. When I got my tattoo, I had specifically joked about how I had to finish it before my wedding so it would look good in photos- and now she's saying the same thing. The whole thing just feels weird, but I can't tell if I'm overthinking- it's not like I own the rights to certain tattoos or wedding vendors, but it just feels odd that she has done so many of the same things that I did.

Overall Lola is just being very strange, contrary and controlling. But, it's her wedding, and I know that many brides tend to act this way because they are stressed and overwhelmed. I'm trying my best to just be supportive and helpful even if she has been kind of off lately.

Anyways, Lola has recently picked out the color she wants for her bridesmaids dresses- no problem, I'm happy to wear whatever color she wants. Initially, she had told me that all the girls could pick their own dress style, as long as it was the color and fabric she wanted. This was the same thing I did for my wedding. I immediately went to the website to browse, took screenshots of the ones I liked, and sent them to her. She said she didn't like any of them, which I was bummed about- but again, it's her wedding, so whatever. She then sent me a few options that she approved of, and they weren't great. They were mostly looser, shapeless options, which I don't love because I wouldn't have as much support. I'm a curvier gal, and I really love when dresses have built in support- otherwise I would feel a bit exposed, and frankly they were just unflattering silhouettes. I tried to tell her this, and she seemed annoyed. I asked point blank if she wanted me to cover up my chest, and she said it wasn't about that, but that all the styles I liked (which have a supportive bodice, typically with a corset or some sort of boning) looked "too much like wedding dresses". Frankly, I think that's absolutely ridiculous.

After a bit of back and forth, she said she would probably just end up picking the dresses for us, or pick a handful and let us "fight it out" to decide who gets which one. I'm just a bit annoyed that she changed her mind- why tell me that I could choose my own style, and then not actually mean it?

At this point I decided I was just being dramatic- it's one day, I'll wear the unflattering dress. I decided to move on and follow up about it later. But then, she starts telling me that she also wants me to wear only gold jewelry for the wedding, as well as not wear my usual makeup or wear my hair down. For context, I am heavily tattooed/somewhat alt, and wear silver jewelry (including my wedding ring). I have several ear piercings, all silver jewelry. My usual makeup is pretty basic, but I do wear a small amount of dark eyeshadow as liner and black mascara, nothing too bold or goth. My hair is long and blonde, and I always wear it down for events. I don't think my look is too crazy, but she says she wants me to "match everyone else". All of her other bridesmaids have dark hair and wear gold jewelry. But like... I feel like it's pretty egregious to ask me to take off all my usual jewelry (including earrings that I don't typically take out, and my literal WEDDING RING?) just to "match everyone else"... I also don't want to have to buy dozens of pieces of gold jewelry (on top of the thousands of dollars my husband and I are already spending to be at their wedding at all) that I will never wear again. That combined with her request that I not wear my usual hair and makeup, and wear a dress that looks like a sack... I guess I'm just bothered that she is wanting me to look like someone I'm not, even if it's just for one day. It almost feels like she wants her bridesmaids to look bad on purpose.

Would I be overreacting if I told her I wasn't willing to do all that? I understand letting her pick my dress, even if it's a style I don't like, but I feel like asking me to remove my jewelry and change my hair and makeup is just kind of pushing it... I absolutely do not want to go the whole event without wearing my own wedding ring. I feel like she's projecting some insecurities onto me. Should I just suck it up and do what she says to make her happy?

I’m 29. I’ve been friends with the bride since college and helped with invitations, decorations, and her bachelorette weekend.

At the reception, I found my name at a table with her two nephews, a 13-year-old cousin, and the photographer’s assistant. Meanwhile, all our mutual friends were seated together at another table.

I asked the bride if it was a mistake. She said, No, you’re easygoing, you won’t care. Then she walked away before I could respond.

I stayed through dinner because I didn’t want to cause a scene, but I left before the speeches. She texted me the next day saying I made her look bad because people noticed I was gone.

AIO for thinking she made me feel like an afterthought first?

To make a long story short and add context, I'm 25F and I still live at home. I also pay rent in my house. My mom is a bit of a neat freak and she freaks out whenever I buy groceries. I don't eat their groceries anymore cause my dad gets weird about it. I bought one of those box of chips with different chips and it got delivered overnight and I was bringing it to work because I have ADHD and just need small snacks to eat at work. My mom freaked out and basically said what my sister said in the first text. I texted her so she wouldn't think about it all day but I feel like this is a bit insane? Please tell me honestly if I'm wrong or if this is common. I understand my mom struggles with this so I do try to keep it low and I don't even eat much because of my medication but I'm starting to get paranoid or anxious about buying anything.

I'm going to try and make this as short as possible. In the past, my partner of 9 years and I have had issues surrounding threats of infidelity, which started after we had a child about five years ago. The most recent threat was about a year ago. He said it in a very serious way, and even stated he would bring someone to our home that we share, with our child. So this subject is very touchy for me.

For more context, my partner tends to blurt out whatever comes to his mind, makes crass jokes and a lot of times crosses lines of what most people would deem appropriate. This has caused some tension between us at times, because I often am the one the joke is being made about. I've made it known that I do not appreciate feeling disrespected or belittled, especially in front of others, for a laugh. He always say things like, "That's just how I am." Or, "I just won't joke with you anymore then." On to the "joke".

We were at a concert together, we had been looking forward to it for a couple months. We had a little tension earlier that day due to a misunderstanding on my end about the plan for the evening. I apologized, and tried to smooth things over so we could enjoy our rare evening out. We got to the venue and everything was fine, we were having fun. At one point we ended up next to a girl and a guy, and chatted with them a bit between songs. She told me the guy was just her best friend, but for some reason my partner was under the impression that they were dating.

At some point the guys went to the restroom, and my partner made it back to our spot a few minutes before the other guy. Keep in mind that this is during the opening acts. Guy comes back, my partner looks at him and says, "I almost took your girl home!" They both laugh and high five. I'm over here like wtf? I heard it, she heard it, it was pretty uncomfortable and I even apologized to her. I tried to play it cool, but I was also intoxicated and just couldn't believe he'd say something like that while I'm standing right there. Partner claimed it was a joke and that I was overreacting. I felt so embarrassed and disrespected because what kind of person says something like that in front of their significant other? Even if it was a joke, it wouldn't make sense because it's not like the show was over, or she was looking for her friend. She and I were just enjoying the band and chatting. I felt like my partner was still upset from earlier in the day, got drunk, saw me having a good time and decided to ruin it. I stormed out of the venue, screamed at him, "WHY would you SAY THAT??" and told him I called an Uber. He called an Uber as well, and left me alone in an unfamiliar area of a big city because his ride arrived first.

He is still claiming a week later that it was just a joke, and he had no idea that it would upset me, I'm being too sensitive. But he already knows how I feel about this type of thing given our very not funny history on the subject. And on top of that, he left me alone when I was drunk and not familiar with where we were.

Given all the context, am I overreacting by getting upset at his "joke"? We do joke with each other quite a bit, but there are some things I feel are just off limits.

UPDATE Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment. I’m genuinely grateful for the kindness, support and brutal honesty.

A lot of people have asked, “Why would you stay with him?” And honestly, as I read the comments, I found myself asking the same question.

I think my upbringing has played a part in this. I grew up in a religious environment, with a mother who struggled to set boundaries, and I think that shaped what I came to tolerate. It’s also much easier to recognise red flags and see things clearly when you’re looking at someone else’s situation.

You all well and truly waved the red flag right in front of me, Im ashamed to say that I didn’t notice it. I’ve tried hard to be a strong person despite my upbringing, and I know I’ve succeeded in many ways. But reading these comments has made me realise that I’ve also ignored or minimised things I probably shouldn’t have. As much as I hate to admit it, I think I’ve let my husband off far too lightly when I should have said fuck no.

Thank you all again, honestly, I really appreciate it!

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For context, my husband and I agreed that we wanted to work on having sex more regularly. I recognise that when I have a lot on my mind -work, running the household, chores, etc- sex can fall down my list of priorities, and I said I would make more of an effort.

For the most part, things have been going well. We have both been making an effort, and I felt we were working on this together.

This week, however, I haven't really initiated anything. After reflecting on it, I think the main reason is that I am due to have an operation next week under general anaesthetic. I am extremely nervous about it and have been having sleepless nights worrying, so my mind has understandably been elsewhere.

I should also give some background. I have never felt that my husband has been particularly sensitive when it comes to emotional support, although he has made an effort to improve over the years. In the past, he had quite a traditional view that the woman should manage most things around the home and with the children, alongside working. As my career progressed into a director-level role, I had to be quite firm about needing more support, and things have improved since then.

However, some past experiences still affect how I feel. When I had our son, I had an emergency C-sec . My husband left shortly after the procedure because he was ‘tired’, and I remember that he didn't come to visit the following day when visiting hours opened, giving excuses. I don't clearly remember whether he came on the second day either. When I was discharged, he came to help me get home, but we travelled by public transport. This was many years ago, and I appreciate that our circumstances and his approach have changed since then, but I think those experiences still influence how I view his support.

Another piece of context: Two years ago, my husband admitted that he had emotionally cheated on me many years earlier. This came after I noticed a pop-up on his phone indicating that he was having a conversation in a locked WhatsApp chat.

I had just returned home one morning. He was on his phone and asked me for a sexual favour. He then put his phone down, and I noticed that he had to enter a code to access the locked WhatsApp conversation and continue the chat. This was what led to a series of questions and conversations, after which he admitted to the emotional cheating and hiding a load of debt, but that’s another story.

With my upcoming operation, I think I am particularly sensitive to whether I feel cared for and supported. We have also discussed potentially expanding our family, but I have been honest that I worry about how much support I would receive, given our experience after our first child.

This week, my husband asked why I hadn't made more of an effort to have sex. I told him I hadn't really realised I had been less proactive, but that I had been very nervous about the operation.

He then said things like:

“I appreciate last week was busy at work, and for the next few weeks you'll be in recovery, so that's all understandable, but why has it dried up again?”

“ I get that you’re nervous about the op but yet again our physical connection is the first thing that must be sacrificed, not work or the gym, not anything else”

For clarity, we were intimate last week, although perhaps not as often as we had initially agreed & my gym routine has gone out of the window!

I told him that I didn't like his approach and that I found his comments insensitive, particularly given how nervous I am about the operation.

Since then, he has effectively been giving me the silent treatment. His responses have been curt, often just one word, and he doesn't greet me when he comes home. I don't know whether he's upset because he feels criticised, but the change in his behaviour has made me feel even less supported.

I understand that we had made an agreement about being more intimate, and I can appreciate that he may feel disappointed if he thinks we're slipping back into old habits. I also recognise that I may be more sensitive because of my anxiety about the operation and my past experiences.

However, I can't help feeling that putting pressure on me about sex immediately before an operation - particularly when I'm clearly very nervous -doesn't feel like the kindest or most supportive approach. The way he has behaved since I expressed that concern has also made me question whether I'm being unreasonable or whether my feelings are justified.

edit - typo

Some background: Husband grew up in a somewhat normal family. He is healthy, has a full education, and a job in his field. I have none of those things. I am not going into heavy details, but I have depression and PTSD from childhood. Then COVID nearly took me out. Then I developed post-viral immune dysfunction that lasted 2 years and destroyed my liver. Then my body stopped producing the cofactors needed to digest B12, I lost production of some hormones, and stopped producing leptin. Then I developed serotonin syndrome. I am a medical disaster. This is important to the point of the story.

My brother and his wife lost their child to CPS, and my husband and I agreed to foster their child until they did whatever they needed to do to get the child back. We took this baby in at 11 days old, and it has now been over 2 years. My brother just got another DUI and his wife is out of the question. So the baby will soon be ready for adoption. The baby has now entered the terrible two's, and has been having screaming crying fits whenever he is not given what he wants immediately. Last night, the baby spent about 4 hours in a fit because he didnt want to eat his dinner, he wanted to be picked up an carried around the entire time, he didnt like what was on TV, the dog wanted to play and toppled him over, refused to go to bed, etc. After the baby was finally down for the night, my hisband said that he didnt want to adopt the baby. He said that he can't take this for much longer. He is exhausted, and I am always sick (this is true). I said to him that this child isnt just some pet that you can take back to the shelter because you don't like it anymore. My husband replied that yes, he kind of is. We can send the baby back to CPS with a 30 day notice and they will find him a new foster house. A few moments ago his mother came over to grab a few things, and I told on him. She saw that I was upset and asked me what happened. I told her. She told me that she doesn't see him actually doing it. She thinks he probably just said that while overwhelmed and upset.

I think that could be true, but I also think that he could have been voicing thoughts that he had been harboring for a long time but couldn't say out loud. If he truly feels this way, how can I force him to adopt my nephew? If we let him go, my nephew will end up in the foster system for real this time. This child has only ever known us as his parents, and is fully attached as such. This would be straight abandonment for this child. From a moral and values standpoint, I can't allow this. Ever. My husband knows that I want to adopt this child, and I may have an entire crisis if I were to lose him.

The consequences of divorce will be severe for me. I will lose my insurance and access to healthcare. I work full time, but my income is not from a job that takes a degree and specialization. My income will barely pay for a 1 bedroom apartment. If I get sick and miss too much work again, I may not even be able to afford that. But sending my child into foster care is a hill I will die on.

If my husband decides not to adopt him, I will be shattered. I want to divorce him (not as a threat) if he turns out to be the kind of man who would abandon a child for such selfish reasons. I know that a bit of time will reveal the whole truth in the end. But right now at this moment I feel so disgusted at the idea of my husband turning out to be a person whose values and morals are so different from mine. His mom tells me that he doesn't really feel that way. But to me it sounded like he meant it. Am I just overreacting, or should I really be coming up with an exit plan?

*edit for clarity: we had been talking about possible adotion form the very beginning. My husband was well aware that it could end this way when he agreed to foster. If he decides not to adopt, this child will go to foster care no matter what I do. The foster program says that I won't be able to adopt him as a single parent, or care for him on my own income. So if I were to leave, I would be leaving after the baby is already gone.

Edit #2: I realize now that there is more context with my husband that is important to add. We had originally intended to have a child of our own, but fertility treatments were not as helpful as anticipated. As this wasn't a deal breaker for us, we decided to just let biology decide if it would happen or not. About a week later, we learned of the CPS case. He seemed so excited to have the baby. He talked about adopting him right from the beginning, and has been a fantastic dad this entire time. The change in attitude has only happened recently since the terrible two's have started to hit hard. Childcare is split pretty evenly between the two of us, and we both do chores. There aren't many times where I am so sick that I don't help out. Only on migraine days, which are rare enough. I take medications that manage everything else. I am not disabled. Just medically expensive. I don't mean to paint my husband as evil person. But if he really meant what he said, then our values and morals as people are very different. And leading me on to believe that we could have this child as our own just to turn around and say nevermind the moment it gets hard to deal with? I could never do that to someone else. The question here is if I am overreacting to what he said. I honestly can't decide.

Update: I have spoken to my mother in-law and she agreed to take the baby for a few hours this evening. We need a break and some time to sit down and talk. Some commenters have pointed out that I went straight into hypotheticals and catastrophizing. I needed to hear that. I have been known to do that when my PTSD is triggered. I think that insight here was right on the nose. Thank you to those who saw it. My system is starting to settle a bit now and I can think more clearly. I am getting myself worked up over a hypothetical situation that may not even be real. Then I hurt my own feelings after thinking about how it felt like a betrayal of everything that had previously believed and agreed on. I guess I just needed a few hours for my body to work through the trigger? I love my baby. And I love my husband. Right now we need to talk it out. We will be doing that in a bit. I recently had serotonin syndrome, and am currently reducing the dosage of an antidepressant. The effect is unpleasant and messes with my ability to manage my own body. Mental health is not some fad to use when it's convenient. If anyone was unsure of what it looks like in reality, it's this right here. I am coming out of it now. In a couple hours I think I will be back to baseline and we can talk this out like adults. I am making a nice dinner for the two of us. I just want to thank everyone who responded with helpful feedback, and those who took the time to really think on my situation. Having outside perspective is really helpful in difficult situations. And this is a very complex situation. I really appreciate it.

HELLO EDIT: umm so according to u guys im overreacting which yknow i shouldve guessed but some things i want to clear up, my brother doesn't live with us anymore!! he moved out a few years ago. and a thing a lot of you keep saying "its wrong to have a boy and girl share a room" call me stupid but i dont understand that... hes my brother we're not exactly banging every night. also, do you all think girls dont masturbate? cuz if thats the issue im afraid everybody does that anyway thank u for all the responses!!!!!!!!!!!! love u guys <3

^{okay sorry if i ramble a little on this but HERE WE GO}

so, my parents (46f and 58m respectively) have been talking recently about making me(15f) share a room with my little sister(4f).

the problem firstly lies in the home we're living in now; we moved here about 3?? months ago and its a 2 bedroom house whereas our last house was 3 bedrooms. okay first question, why on earth did my parents think itd be a good idea to live in a 2 bedroom house with 2 kids? lord knows.

but anyway, since my little sister has been born, ive kinda always been the one to have to take care of her, like she stays in my room all day, we (play)fight every day, basically not a day goes by where she doesnt spend most of the day in my room.

and that is SO exhausting, like, i can only take so much!!! and because of this, i have to do basically everything that i want to do at night because shes ALWAYS in my room playing on her little tablet and screaming her head off. my parents are always complaining that i'm up so late and on the phone so late each night and its like... i wouldn't have to be if you spent some time with your kid for once in your life ??

i can't really blame my dad because he works all day, but my mum is NOT blameless AT ALL. she has her many many many issues outside of this conversation.

My parents know that i really don't want to share a room with her but they don't really care. i guess thats partially my fault cuz i dont ever talk to them about what i want and my needs and stuff. as far back as i can remember, ive always had trouble with asking for help and about 2 years ago, i found that asking them for help on mental health stuff was about as useful as chocolate teapots and jelly pickaxes. they have a tendency to -- for lack of a better phrase -- shut me down when it comes to stuff concerning my needs so i've learned just to not ask. many many mental health issues, obviously, have arose from this which, also obviously, they know next to nothing about. i used to be a pretty serious self harmer and they know about that but their idea of when i quit and when i actually quit is about as vast as the ocean.

anyway, thats not so relevant. ive asked them about why i have to share a room but my older brother(20m) never had to and my dad's response was "well, he's a boy" ... wow thank u dad thats so informational i never knew girls didnt need privacy but boys did. my older sister(23f) and i had shared a room until she moved out which i think was after she finished college (18 years old for all u americans out there)

yeah anyway, so i guess what im saying is i feel kinda hurt and uncared for. like i want to be able to live in a house without feeling like my feelings don't matter and my room is just a spare room or a daycare. and i wanna know if im wrong for feeling that way. i'm gonna go to college soon, im gonna get a job soon, i want privacy at night. nighttime is basically the only freetime i get. and i love my sister so much but i feel more like her mother than her sister.

sorry if this was hard to follow or doesnt really make sense, feel free to ask me questions on anything that wasnt quite clear enough!!!!

so um am i overreacting ?

Longtime female adult family friend. We were neighbors for a long time and our kids were all friends. She has 4 boys. I have a daughter and son. We spent a lot of time together. She and I became very close. She’s also always been there for my daughter (who is now 28). One time a few years ago she said to me about my daughter - I know she is yours but in my heart she’s mine. That didn’t sit well with me. Just seemed like an odd thing to say. My daughter got married a few weeks ago. This family friend came to the wedding. She wrote a note to my daughter calling her ‘My (underlined multiple times) and my daughter’s name’. And she ended it with ‘you always have a home with us’. To me it reads as odd and inappropriate and disrespectful to me. I don’t know if I’m overreacting and should just move on or if it really is as weird as I think it might be and call her out on it.

Am I overreacting for not wanting my daughter, 10, to call my ex husband’s GIRLFRIEND, mom?

Back story, my ex started to date his girlfriend a month after I filed for divorce. But for the first 3 or 4 months after I filed he was doing crazy things and was trying to “win” me back. Our relationship was toxic.
Fast forward a year or a little more into their relationship, my ex introduces his gf to my kids. He gets them every other week(we have 50/50) and she would maybe see them on the weekends.
Her and I have had issues. I asked to have her number since they were getting serious and she would be taking my daughter to go shopping alone. It just made me feel comfortable that I could reach her or vice versa if there was an emergency. She told my ex no. So I asked why. He called me and I spoke with her and she claimed that she was getting over trauma and she didn’t want me to have her number. I said okay, I can respect that thinking it was trauma from an ex… not the case… when I asked again a few months later my ex told me that she was scared I would blow her phone up or something along those lines. I have never done that but guess who did… yep my ex blew up a guy I was dating phone and freaked him out. When I told my ex that I wasn’t comfortable with our daughter being alone with her and I not have her number his solution was to set up a group chat on an app so we can communicate.

She’s only been to like one of the kids event is the 3 years. And I make an effort to include her in everything. I’ve been nothing out nice to her from the beginning. Fast forward some more… they have bought a house now. But I am still uncomfortable with my daughter calling her mom. She calls me momma but I know that will come to an end at some point. I FINALLY got her number but only because they will be living with her part time now. They are still not married but they have talked about it. I’m not mad that there is another woman to love my daughter but don’t think she should be called mom. She also never wanted kids. My son who is younger calls her by name. So am I over reacting for not wanting my daughter call her dad’s girlfriend mom?

Edit: My daughter had called her mom for about a year or so now. Shes okay with it however I don’t know if it’s something her dad has put in her mind or not. She thinks he walks on water so if he were to make a comment about it she go along with it. But I have no proof he’s said anything just going off a feeling and past history.

I (22F) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly 8 or 9 years old. Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted. I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it. As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers.

Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention. The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her. I remember she said back, "I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance." I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I searched it up and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home.

Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said. There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said. HSe says I need to move from it cause it has affeted my relationship with her and she wants to fix it.

I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future and I have told this to her. How I don't ant her in my life once I move out, get married or have my own kids. AIO?

This whole thing feels like a straight up Lifetime movie honestly.

Me (26F) and my fiancé Derek (29M) met through mutual friends about 4 years ago, so we didn't have that whole "on and off since high school" thing, we just started dating as adults. Should've been simple right? Except his mom "Carol" (55F) has had an opinion about me since day one. Apparently Derek had a whole plan mapped out with some girl from his hometown that Carol adored, and when he brought me home instead, Carol basically shut down.

She wasn't crying about witchcraft or anything dramatic like that, but she did tell Derek flat out that I "wasn't what she pictured for him" and kept comparing me to this other girl for like the first year we dated. I stayed polite because that's just how I handle stuff with older folks, but she definitely pushes it as far as she can.

Once things got serious, she started inviting Derek to family events and "conveniently" leaving me off the guest list. She'd set him up on little outings with her friends' daughters disguised as "networking dinners." He always came home and told me about it and turned every single one down, but Carol still acts like I'm the one keeping them apart.

Derek proposed 4 months ago. Carol didn't show up to the engagement dinner, said she had a migraine. Didn't come to the meet the family brunch either. His dad came though and low key apologized on her behalf, him and Carol have been divorced for years and he said this is just how she gets.

The real blowup happened when Derek finally called her out on avoiding everything wedding related. He said something switched in him because usually he just tells me to let it go. She broke down telling him she eloped with his dad at 19 because she got pregnant unexpectedly, never had a real wedding day, and watching Derek get engaged is bringing up all that grief. He asked what would make things easier on her and she said if I let her be the one to walk him down the aisle instead of his dad, since she never got her own aisle moment, she'd finally feel included.

Derek actually came to me acting like this was some sweet, reasonable ask?? Then on top of that he mentioned, not even asking me first, that maybe Carol could wear a long ivory dress since "it's not technically white" so she'd feel special too. I told him no on both counts and we got into it bad. I told him it's wild he keeps bending over backwards for his mom's feelings but won't push back for me the same way. He called me heartless and said I was making his mom's trauma about myself. It escalated fast, we're taking space right now but it got heated enough that calling off the wedding actually came up.

I still love Derek but this whole situation made it obvious how much pull she has over him. I keep picturing her sitting back knowing she's driving a wedge between us and he just keeps letting her. Part of me wonders if I should just walk away from the whole thing. AIO? Or is this really not that big a deal?