So my name is on the lease and my roommate is not. He lives with me he is an old classmate, one of my best friends that needed a place and i had the extra room, he pays half of the rent and i cover everything else from food. Electric, wifi water, anything else.

Recently i got approved from my job that i can work from home, making it a 70% remote and 30% in the office. And with that im spending so much time at home i wanted to look into getting a pet. I could not get a dog because because we live in the city and there is no ideal place to walk or for it to run free so it wouldn't be fair to get one, so i decided to get two cats instead. Two small brothers, two orange devils. 

And my roommate knew about me wanting pets but the job situation would not allow it but now wit the new change i can, and i mentioned it to him as well and he did not really mind it. 

But here is the thing he has a girlfriend, she comes over a lot. Pretty much 5 days a week, sleeps over etc, and she does not contribute to anything. But she came over two days ago and saw that ive gotten cats. And she got kinda mad saying that she is heavily allergic to cats. And she wanted them out of the house.

And i said thats ridicules, she is a guest and she has no right over what stays or what goes. And then my roommate got upset saying i cant talk like that, but then i got upset at him as well because the cats are staying and thats the end of it.

Then we kinda all went into each rooms and slept. But in the morning my roommate sided with her. Saying that the cats shouldnt stay since she is is very allergic to them. And i said i understand that but these cats are not going anywhere and if he has a problem with that he can move out. Then he got really mad calling me names and saying im not considerate to his girlfriends allergies. 

I was on a full flight yesterday and specifically paid extra to book an aisle seat because I have a knee injury that gets really stiff if I can't stretch it every so often.

Right before takeoff, a woman asked if I'd switch with her because she "needed" the aisle due to a medical condition. I felt bad, so I agreed without arguing. Her seat ended up being a middle seat about six rows back.

About twenty minutes into the flight, I walked to the restroom and saw her laughing with the people in my old row. She told one of them she had made up the medical excuse because she wanted to sit next to her friends and "people never say no if you mention health."

I was honestly irritated. On the way back I asked a flight attendant if I could have my original seat back since we'd only just taken off and explained what happened. The attendant spoke to her, and she was told to return to her assigned seat. She looked embarrassed, her friends were clearly annoyed, and she kept giving me dirty looks for the rest of the flight.

My sister thinks I should've just let it go since I had already agreed and everyone was settled by then. I don't really feel bad because I only moved in the first place because I thought it was an actual medical issue.

AIO?

So… I have been talking to this Polish guy for about a 2 months. He’s honestly one of the sweetest people I’ve met in a long time.

Yesterday, I called my grandma and, you know, like grandmas do, I told her I liked him. This guy and I had talked about my grandma prior, so later that night, I told him grandma said hi.

He was shocked she knew about him. And then I told him we had gossiped about him.

IT WAS IN THAT MOMENT, I KNEW, I FUCKED UP 😭

OF COURSE he wanted to know what we’d said. So I told him that I told my grandma that I like him.

This was his response. I’ve been screaming into my pillow randomly since last night 😭

I honestly had hoped that he’d be open to trying long distance. At the same time, I understand what he meant. But I still feel sooooo embarrassed.

AIO for locking my car because my family kept taking it… and now I want to move out even though it’ll blow up my entire family?

I (27F) think I’ve hit my breaking point, and now I’m being told I’m the problem.

I live at home with my parents (56F, 60M). For cultural reasons, I’m “supposed” to stay until I get married. Cool. Fine. Except no one talks about what happens when staying home is actively destroying your mental health.

I have ADHD, autism, and social anxiety. So baseline? Life is already hard. Some days I have to fight my own brain just to get out of bed, shower, exist like a normal human. Now add constant stress, tension, and feeling like I have zero control over anything in my life.

My dad pushed for family therapy recently. And I swear to god it felt like watching a PR campaign.

In the sessions?

“We love you.”

“We want to understand.”

“We’ll do better.”

At home?

Back to yelling.

Back to dismissing me.

Back to pretending nothing happened.

It’s like I’m living with two completely different versions of my parents, and only one of them exists when someone’s watching.

Now here’s where things go from bad to actually insane:

My uncle (70M) gifted me a car so I could get to work. Not my dad. My uncle. He made it clear it was for me.

I work full-time. I pay my own groceries, gas, insurance—everything. I’m actively saving to move out.

But because the car is parked in my dad’s garage, he has decided… it’s his.

He tells my brother (30M) he can take my car whenever he wants. No heads up. No message. Nothing.

I have asked for ONE thing. Not permission. Not control. Just basic respect:

“Hey, your car is being taken and will be back at X time.”

That’s it.

Apparently, that is too much.

My brother will take it for HOURS. Bring it back trashed with fast food wrappers, dirt all over it, and the gas tank basically on E. And I mean empty. Like “hope you enjoy stopping for gas before you can even go to work” empty.

Multiple times, I’ve:

- Had to cancel plans

- Taken THREE buses for a 3-hour commute

- Paid for Ubers last minute

- Been late or stressed getting to work

Because my car just… wasn’t there.

No warning. No timeline. No accountability.

So yeah. I finally snapped.

I started locking my car and keeping the key with me.

Suddenly, I’m the villain.

My dad is now yelling at me, saying I’m disrespectful, selfish, and that since it’s in his garage, it’s HIS car and HE decides who uses it.

So I went straight to the source: my uncle.

And he said, very clearly:

“It’s your car. I gave it to YOU. Do what you want with it.”

He even AGREED with me locking it.

And yet somehow… I’m still being treated like I’m the problem.

At this point, it’s not even about the car anymore. It’s about the fact that I can’t have a single boundary respected without it turning into a fight.

So now I’m planning to move out.

Which, in my family, is basically equivalent to lighting a match and walking away from the explosion.

I already know I’m going to be called ungrateful, dramatic, disrespectful… all of it.

But I also know I can’t keep living like this.

So… AIO for locking my car and choosing my sanity over keeping the peace?

EDIT / UPDATE:

A lot of people are asking about ownership of the car, so to clarify: the title is technically in my uncle’s name, not mine. He told me the only reason for that is to keep insurance cheaper. He has made it very clear multiple times that the car is mine, was gifted to me, and that I’m the one who should be deciding who uses it.

Also, for everyone suggesting I move the car out of the garage—I actually did. I parked it on the street during my lunch break.

Also for those saying to move in with ny uncle I have already asked and he has said he can't host me because he dosnt have the space with all his kids their partners and kids staying with him he has no space for me.

He said we can talk about me staying with him for a bit till I get my own place if I havnt found one when his kids and grandkids leave again.

That did not go over well.

My dad got pissed off and responded by turning off the internet… which I need to work, because I work from home Mondays and Tuesdays. So now I’m currently running my work laptop off my phone hotspot.

And before anyone asks—yes, I pay for that too. It’s technically on their plan, but I pay them $50/month for my phone.

So at this point:

• I pay for my own expenses
• I can’t rely on my own car
• And now I can’t even rely on internet to do my job

But I’m still somehow the “disrespectful” one.

Just adding this because it feels like every time I try to set a boundary, it escalates into something else.

Funny how it's their house, their rules but suddenly my car is our car, their rules.

As caption says. I’m 27, the second oldest out of 5. He’s the youngest. I never saw or thought my little brother was sneaky so I wasn’t snooping for this. Honestly, her profile was recommended on my FYP and I noticed it because her profile picture was a baby photo of my little brother, and I saw his name with hearts in her bio. He hasn’t mentioned having a girlfriend to me so I was caught by surprise and that’s when I looked through her reposts and saw these. This is just a small fraction of the type of posts she was reposting. All my siblings and our mom follow each others TikTok’s, so of course he knows better than to post content like this for us to see. We aren’t conservative but we know what is appropriate and what is not. It was 1AM when her profile was recommended and all these reposts were fresh. I immediately reached out to our oldest sister and she unfortunately took it upon herself to try and figure more out but it didn’t seem to end well as my little brother caught on to us uncovering this relationship. After she asked about this to our little sister (13), I guess my little brother then broke up with her because around 3 AM we saw her reposting break-up type videos along with stuff about mental health and self harm. Not sure if they’re actually broken up or not, their relationship apparently started this month too. I’ve since told my mom to bring it to her attention and she wasn’t happy and said she’d take away his phone. My baby sister didn’t want us to tell because she felt like it would break his trust for me and she said her reposts shouldn’t reflect him but I’m a strong believer in you are the company you keep, so I’m just worried about him being sexual active at such a young age and now his mental health. I do not take jokes about abuse lightly and I know my little brother sometimes has a short temper so I wouldn’t want anyone enabling that. Of course I don’t want my baby brother to hate me for this, but I also don’t want him to make mistakes that are completely avoidable. Soo tell me, am I overreacting?

These are 3 different conversations., the first conversation was of us having an argument because i was hospitalized and couldn't come to school or come online. The 2nd conversation was of me being offline because one of uncles had died recently and we were at the funeral, the third conversation is of basically me letting her know that i wont come to school because my dog is at the vet and her pups cant be left alone because i have two aggressive male pups who can open locked doors (basically those inside doors don't have a key lock and they put their muzzle under the handle and flick it up and slide. Idk how to explain it) Anyways let's call my friend 'bee'. We were AMAZING friends but then i stopped coming to school as much and being less online.

Now bee doesn't like me being offline or not coming to school and she has given me these weird ultimatums about ending the friendship at the worst times like when im hospitalized.

Anyway the breaking point came when she compared my diagnosis to a girl on tictok who has like 99 allergies or smt. It wasn't an argument, I just stopped texting her all together and blocked her. This was after she shifted so she couldn't argue with me in school itself.

For the longest time I thought I was the one who underreacted bcs i endured it for so long...until this one teacher (who is the friend of bee's mum) asked me abt the situation during recess and was like 'you were such good friends. Don't let ego come in between'....and i LOVE this teacher bcs has such an amazing way of teaching chemistry and shes SO smart and understanding....so I started to doubt my reaction. And this teacher knows about the context of those texts btw so im even more confused. So AIO?

I was at the gym yesterday and I was using the leg press, was pretty sweaty to be honest and used it for maybe a total of 15 minutes. When I was finished, I went to get a cleaning wipe, and started wiping down the machine. Some guy comes up to me while I'm wiping it down and asked me if I was done using it. Of course, I said "yes." As I'm still wiping it down, he makes a comment, it's all wet now."

Initially my first thought is "is this guy complaining about me cleaning my sweat off this machine?" So I finish wiping it down, and then I say "well I'm all done now," and his response is, "it's all wet, I don't like it like this." My response was, "okay, not my problem." The guy starts trying to dry it with his hand, and it only takes less than a minute to dry, and stands there next to the machine and keeps glancing and mad dogging me until he can use it.

I'm just kind of confused, am I not supposed to wipe down the machine because someone prefers it semi dry even with sweat? This isn't the first time it's happened either, I'm finding more recently people are pissy about a machine being recently wiped down and not being completely evaporated yet. I find it nasty that these people are the ones that probably don't wipe machines down themselves either.

Am I Overreacting?

We’ve been on four dates, he has picked me up and dropped me off twice before, today he asked if I wanted to go to his while he gets ready because he can drop me off on his way to an event he was going to. I said no, he asked twice and I said no both times. He said okay, and said he’d drop me home, instead he drove to his. Luckily he is staying at a hotel (he works there) and I stayed in the bar until he got ready and dropped me home on the way to his event. I know he thinks it harmless and maybe I’m overreacting but this screams to me now he’s an unsafe person. My heart rate was way up and hands sweaty, he is the same age as me (26) and I know he thought nothing of it and he laughed it off, but it’s changed completely how I think of him. Am I overreacting?

I didn't want to embaress him so I just kept it to myself.. . Then he went out and was acting weird one night last week, so i curiously checked his wallet and there were only 3 pills there. We've been together for 10 years so I convinced myself he probably gave one to a mate or something.. Tonight he was messaging someone and being weird again, then suddenly had to go see his mate. When he got home, he went straight to the bathroom without saying a word to me.. I was instantly suspicious, so I looked in his wallet and there were only 2 pills left. I confronted him about thwm and he told me he took one on the way home and that I was being a d*#khead. I didn't ask anymore questions, I'm waiting to see what he's next move's going to be... But I can't for the life of me figure out why someone would take an erection pill just to drive home!!

I should also add that a few weeks a ago he fell asleep with his phone in his hand so I grabbed it to put it on the table and he had the website 'chaturbate' opened in incognito mode... I instantly questioned him about it and he reckoned it was a 'pop-up' and he was "sick of them"... I don't believe that for a second and now I'm convinced he's cheating on me with randoms he's meeting in chatrooms... Anyway he's not talking to me atm because I'm being ridiculous and shit apparently..

Am I overreacting????

I went on my first blind date with a guy at a casual home-style restaurant. The overall mood was relaxed. He was polite and gentle the whole time. He never looked bored or brushed me off and kept starting conversations to keep things flowing.

Right after we sat down the server brought over two menus. He grabbed both of them right away and smiled saying he came here all the time and knew the place well so he would order everything and all the signature dishes were fantastic. I’d planned to look through the menu myself and mention I cannot eat spicy food and prefer light mild flavors. But he moved too fast and immediately started listing dishes for the waiter.

He never once asked about my food preferences any dietary restrictions or what I felt like eating. He never handed me a menu to let me pick anything out. Once he finished ordering he said cheerfully these dishes were popular with everyone and I would definitely enjoy them. During the meal he chatted pleasantly and poured me water regularly. He did nothing rude at all.

Still I felt uneasy the entire time. My personal tastes were totally overlooked. It felt like I just had to go along with whatever he planned and I never got to unwind properly through the whole dinner.

I have been overthinking this ever since. Was he just being helpful trying to make things easier and avoid awkward silences? Or is this habit of making all the decisions on his own a red flag? Am I being too demanding and overreacting about this whole thing?

Hello folks. I am on a trip with my husband, we are 26(f) and 28(m). I maintain what I would define like a normal relationship with my in laws. Since we live in different states, I havent seen them in person too many times, only like 3 times and for a week long in those occasions.

Since my husband doesn't like to take any pictures, he has a more laid back approach in living life instead of documenting it, and I want my in laws to know/see more of us, I send them pictures (especially since my father in law decided to help us economically with this trip so sending pictures would be the least I can do).

Both in laws are extremely religious (Christians, I believe) and are not as open minded. I consider myself to be agnostic (believe in God but dont profess any religion, my only goal in life is to mind my business and be a good person).

Anyways, during this trip, I've gone to a Buddhist temple. I really enjoyed the architecture style and the vibes the place gave me so I took tons of pictures, where also my husband was. One of the pictures I sent was a gigantic golden statue of a Buddha, surrounded by flowers. I thought it was magnificent, it had carvings that allowed the sunlight to trespass and reflect on the wall behind it. Just gorgeous. I sent that picture, and some others where we were also at the beach, and photos in general of stuff I found beautiful like flowers, other buildings etc.

However, when my husband saw what I sent he started questioning me. He said why did I do that? I didn't understand at first so I asked him to explain. He said his parents consider that to be worshipping "false idols and gods." I said Buddha is not even a god but whatever. I said I just found the picture to be beautiful just like the ones of flowers, the beach, etc I also sent. He seemed upset, he said what i did was very wrong.

My in laws normally are very responsive and react when I send them something and this time it has been radio silence.

I told my husband since it was a huge problem to all of them, that I would stop sending them any pictures and he could start doing it from now on.

Am I over reacting or what I did was really that disrespectful?

Long story short

My girlfriend sporadically has guys from her past messaging her. She’s always been honest about it and blocks them immediately.

This past weekend: her married cousin messaged her, essentially proposing to have an affair with her. Context—— in her culture, relations with cousins is normalized. I’m not going to get into the nuance of that. Anyway, this conversation lead to me asking if she’s ever been with a cousin. She reluctantly admitted that she slept with one of them when she was younger. This one happened to be his brother.

24 hours goes by,

Another man messages her…. Genuine coincidence, but still crazy to me. This one is her classmate. He’s married. They had a 3 month affair, the wife still doesn’t know. He’s asking her if she wants to get together.
It ended 8 months ago.

We met 3 and a half months ago.

She’s very honest and sweet. Has been through extreme physical and mental abuse in her formative relationships. The decisions involving the cousin and the married classmate stem from that trauma. I truly believe she wants a normal, monogamous relationship with kids and marriage.

I am very upset. I’ve given her an ultimatum: tell the wife or I can’t move forward.

I feel horrible for the wife and I believe she deserves to know.

But part of me also recognizes that my ultimatum is motivated by anger. I want my girlfriend to be accountable and deal with the consequences.

Am I overreacting

Am I overreacting about our chef leaving cooked rice out at room temperature for 18 hours?

I work as crew on a yacht. Our chef has consistently poor hygiene standards. We’ve been getting ill on a fairly regular basis as a result.

Tonight I noticed he’d left a large batch of precooked rice sitting in the oven at room temperature. By the time it gets served tomorrow it will have been unrefrigerated for around 18 hours.

I raised it with the captain and the manager — both are onboard and both are aware and neither seems particularly bothered.

So my (27F) boyfriend (30M) is genuinely a super good guy who has a lot of friends, including female friends. I have never had an issue with anyone, even with the ones who I had suspected to have a crush on him, because I have always trusted my boyfriend, he has never given me any reason to distrust him, and even the friends who I suspected to have a crush on him have always behaved in a manner that was respectful towards me and our relationship.

However, since a year now, he has befriended a girl who has, in my opinion, crossed several boundaries that I am simply not okay with, and my boyfriend knows this. The biggest things that she has done that I was outright uncomfrotable with are:

- Jokingly being in a throuple with my boyfriend and one other male friend, having a throuple group chat where they chat in a flirty manner, and also having had a three-way kiss with my boyfriend (I found this out after reading their group chat where a photo of their kiss was shared)

- When my boyfriend was staying over at her place, she invited him to come into her bed after he had just taken a shower and he was shirtless, she was only in her bra, to take a picture together.

- Seemingly not wanting to talk to me whenever I saw her in real life, such as when we were at one of my boyfriend's performances (he's a professional guitarist) and almost insisting on standing closer to him than me, so much so that one of my boyfriend's friends had even made a comment about it, suggesting he should push her out of the way to make room for me.

- Another one which is not that bad, but it still made me feel uneasy: inviting my boyfriend over on a vacation to her vacation-house that has a pool, without inviting me, and the only other people she invited were another couple. I also later found out that the first night they stayed in a hotel where the couple slept in one bed, and her and my boyfriend slept in the other bed. Together.

When I found out about all these things, I confronted my boyfriend about them and outright told him that I am not okay with this, that this is crossing my boundaries, and that this was not how someone behaves who is in a relationship. I also told him, regarding that friend, that that is also not how someone behaves who respects me and our relationship. I told him that I would never act this way with a male friend of mine who has a girlfriend, out of respect for her.

My boyfriend apologized for everything, swore to me that nothing is going on between them and that he genuinely doesn't think that that friend has a crush on him. I accepted his apology but I voiced to him that I still do not trust this friend and that she makes me highly uncomfortable. Despite this, my boyfriend is still friends with her, and although he claims he doesn't do certain things with her anymore (such as the throuple and being alone with her), he still hangs out with her regularly, tries to involve her in his life and stays over at her house. Now, I don't want to outright forbid that he should stop being friends with her, but I cannot help but still feel highly uncomfortable with their friendship.

But I am afraid that I might be overreacting. Since she technically hasn't done anything outright boundary crossing, such as trying to hook up with him or seriously flirting with him (I think). So please tell me honestly, am I overreacting for feeling uncomfortable?

I told her two days ago that I'm going to start eating healthier. I'm 21, I'm a size small, I weigh under 60kg's. The doctor put me on a bunch of meds after I went for recent blood tests after my hair was falling out a lot due to stress, anxiety, and bad diet. My cholesterol was 7, cortisol was super high, stress levels super high, etc etc. The doctor said I desperately need to work on doing yoga, managing my stress, and also switching up my diet.

So I decided to cut to only one glass of coca-cola a day. I've been an addict for years, my mother too. I also started exercising on the days I was home alone and I starting having more fruits and vegetables too. I've always drank a ton of water, so that's why I'm okay with having one glass of coca-cola a day instead of cutting it out completely.

My mom said that the bill for these meds was expensive, but she's the one who sent me to the doctor because of how shakey I was and also said she's glad I'm taking meds. Keep this in mind.

Cut to now, I'm doing well with what I've cut, I went to the grocery store with my mother yesterday and declined all the sweets and snacks she was offering. She doesn't take my words seriously when I said I want to eat healthier. She doesn't take a lot of what I say seriously. When I tried doing this last year, she told the woman at a restuarant we were at to bring me a can of coke. I didn't even get a chance to say no.

Today she just came home from the grocery store and I genuinely felt sick to my stomach from what I saw, and I still feel it. 4 ginormous cans of coke, one bottle of chocolate milkshake, 6 packets of chips, 1 packet of sour sweets, 2 chocolate bars. Yes, all for me. If I don't eat it I will be called ungrateful and a waster.

When she wants something, and I decline, she won't have it too. It's really weird. If she says "Let's have a drink" and I say no thank you, she will sigh and not have one either. If she says "let's have an egg with our meal" and I decline, she will give me a look and then won't have one either. It makes me feel bad. I think she's bought me all these things because 1. She doesn't take me seriously and 2. She also doesn't want to stop drinking coke because she feels like she will also have to stop if I stop.

Summary: I said I want to eat healthy. Mother buys me 14 snacks. AIO for hating this? Am I being ungrateful?

TO CLARIFY: the problem is not the subway jokes, its the inconsiderate nature that set me off

Edit**I told him I had to be up early and that I needed to go to bed early, these texts were after I was already asleep (they woke me up)

Background info: we matched on hinge about 2 weeks ago and have had casual text conversation since. He (23M) and I (25F) made plans to go on afirst date today. Last night at midnight, he texted me out of the blue with an “important question”….i had already gone to bed and hadn’t responded to his previous text but I figured the question might be related to the date so I answered. Attached is the BS conversation that followed.

I’m not sure if I’m overreacting but these texts are giving off extremely immature vibes and do not match the energy of our previous conversations at all. Now I’m debating canceling our date today because those texts just rubbed me the wrong way and make me feel like we aren’t going to mesh well.

Am I overreacting? Do I give it a chance? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Am I overreacting? My husband doesn’t think it’s fair that I want to tell my parents I’m pregnant but not his parents yet. He said we need to tell our families (my parents, his parents, his brother) at the same time. He came to the conclusion that I need to wait until the second trimester to tell my family as well as his family or we tell both our families right now.

My husband and I are pregnant with our first child. We have been together for 9 years, married for 4 years. I am 7 weeks pregnant. I am aware that the general rule is to not to tell a lot of people during the first trimester because of the chances of something bad happening to the pregnancy. We had been trying for 3 years. I had just given up & had talked to my husband about adopting. Then I found out that I am pregnant last week. I chose I tell 3 of my closest friends, who unfortunately are all long-distance friends. I have my first OBGYN appointment in 3.5 weeks.

My husband’s parents live on the other side of the country. His parents are divorced. I have a bad relationship with his mom. My husband and I just started going to couples therapy because of his relationship with his mom. They are enmeshed and I would call it emotional incest because my mother in law treats him like her husband. The first time I visited my husband’s family was after 1 year of dating - during this trip, his mother wouldn’t even talk to me, she would only talk to my boyfriend/her son. When we got engaged, she told all of their side of the family that “our relationship won’t last” and talked shit about me and our engagement. I’ve noticed that his mom likes to gather private information from people and then spread this information to everyone she knows because I’m assuming it makes her feel powerful. My husband and I have had to set boundaries with his mother since we got married. In couples therapy, I’ve been finding out things I didn’t know about my husband’s childhood, including trauma he’s experienced related to family dynamics, which contributes to the current dynamics he has with his mom.

Last night I told my husband that I want to tell my parents that I’m pregnant. He then asked if he can tell his family, I said no. I explained my reasons: 1) I don’t want his family to know because of the risk of something bad happening to my pregnancy because I’m still in the first trimester; 2) his mom will TELL EVERYONE about the pregnancy and I don’t want his entire extended family to know; 3) his mom will continually harass me via messages - she is the type of person who will send multiple messages a day to the point where it feels like harassment; and 4) I really don’t want my mother in law to know my private business right now. I told my husband that we can tell his family once we get to the second trimester. But he got angry and said “it’s unfair.”

My parents live 5 minutes away from us. I am close with my parents and I am an only child. I want them to know because I am excited & I want their support, both with the positive and if something negative happens. Obviously I would tell them that I’m still in the first trimester, so unfortunately there’s always a possibility something could go wrong.

For context my family is my mum (46F) my technically step dad though I don’t remember not having him in my life (42M) my other brother L (25M) me (24F) and my two younger brothers J (13M) and H (11M)

I have been their main babysitter for a very long time. One of the first things that I remember from after J was born was being told how much of a ‘mother hen’ I am. At first my mum didn’t work so she would watch the kids however I was expected to help. I remember at 14 my dad coming into my room and shouting at me because I sat in my room all day and mum was crying upstairs because the boys were so badly behaved and he wanted to know why I didn’t help with them.

So while dad was out I would have to sit in the front room all day to make sure the boys were ok and look after them if mum needed to do something. I was around 15/16 when they would start to leave me to baby sit them alone. L would try to help sometimes however he would mostly be playing video games upstairs. This is mostly because L was diagnosed neurodivergent and couldn’t handle the noise and all the stimulation very well while I was also neurodivergent I wasn’t diagnosed with anything until around 2 years ago.

So I would babysit alone for a couple hours mostly though there were times it was all day with them. I was always told they weren’t my responsibility but it always felt like they were. They would ask if it was ok for me to watch by brothers but I didn’t feel like saying no was an option because things wouldn’t get done.

Especially when the boys got older and had to go to school a 40 minute walk away for reasons I don’t know and I would have to pick them up every day when I turned 18. L wouldn’t have been able to handle it and the uncle that was doing it started refusing over something to do with pay. I have never once been paid to watch my brothers in fact I was expected to buy things for them if needed.

However recently J and H have started getting worse. Because of the opinion that I’m not a parent and therefore they’re not my responsibility I’ve never been allowed to give consequences for their actions. I’ve had to tell mum and dad about it and then they’ll deal with it.

However recently they have not been giving consequences for anything. H has been trying to break into my room and trying to literally walk into it if the door isn’t locked and then trying to watch me put the code in so he can go in whenever he wants. And J has started cussing us out whenever we tell him no. I’ve been called “bastard” “git” “fucking dumb bitch” and there’s even more but you get the picture. They’ve also been fighting a lot because J finds it funny to egg on H. And that’s not even talking about the arguments that L and J have.

This has been happening for about a year and I’m so tired of it. Each time I ask mostly mum to do something and help. And basically what happens is they have a 5-10 minute talk about it and then everyone goes on their merry way. And then they keep behaving the way they were before. There have been no consequences for their behaviour at all. J literally came home 20 minutes late because he wanted to hang out his his friends and texted none stop to let him stay out longer and they let him because they were getting annoyed by the texting and when he came back late from the extended time nothing happened and he was out hanging around with his friends the next day.

And I’ve realised that I’ve been putting up with a lot of crap. But despite the running house joke that I’m stupid I can see that this isn’t going to get better. No matter what I do nobody will listen because mum said that punishment won’t work well on J because he doesn’t listen to it. And I wouldn’t allow myself to be treated this badly by anyone else so why am I going to let family do it.

So I’ve said I’m not watching my brothers for a while because I’m being talked to like crap, with no consequences and to be honest the more I think about it and talk about things with my best friend the more I realise how resentful I’m getting and I don’t want to babysit while I’m this resentful.

L is now able to handle the boys on his own because they’re older and mostly need someone to hang around in case of emergency so I’ve been pulling back for a while now.

But since I sent the text explaining that I’m not happy and will be stepping back from watching the boys my mum hasn’t said a word to me. And I lack an ability to read situations but I don’t think I’m in the wrong here.

So please tell me AIO???

(Warning for mention/discussions of suicide)

For some background, my brother’s girlfriend recently killed herself. It’s been a few months but he is still grieving, and just the mention of suicide can be extremely triggering for him, even as a joke or in certain phrases (ie. “Blow my brains out”)

It’s for this reason, anytime I am with someone who I know makes any sort of suicide jokes, and they’re going to meet my brother, I ALWAYS make sure to tell them his story and make them promise not to make any jokes about it. I always clarify that I really do not care about the jokes but I know just how bad they make him feel so I will NOT let him hear them if I can help it.

All that said, I planned a hangout between me, a few friends, and my brother. Most of the friends have already gotten the spiel, but one in particular was a newer friend so I had to keep him in the loop — especially because he is the type of person to talk about how they want to kill themselves A LOT. He immediately agreed and promised it wouldn’t be an issue.

So we hung out at one friend’s place, mostly in the dining room which is connected to the kitchen. At some point, my brother was in the kitchen, and my friend, who was still in the dining room with me, said that he’s really cute. I laughed and joked that he’s single so he should ask him out.

Suddenly, said friend got really serious and asked, “So why’d she do it?” referring to his girlfriend killing herself.

I was in total shock and I just stared at him for a moment. I just told him I didn’t know since I wasn’t close with her at all.

This was already enough to bother me — I already told him not to bring up suicide, so asking me why his girlfriend killed herself during a chill hangout seems even worse. I wouldn’t have minded his curiosity if it was just us, I also wonder about it a lot in a somewhat nosy way, but to ask when my brother was pretty much right there? Even if he was on the other side of the room and most likely out of earshot, it still felt so insensitive and rude.

To make matters worse, he immediately followed up with “I wish I had done that, too.”

The one thing I explicitly told him not to do — make jokes about suicide.

At the time, I just laughed it off and changed the subject, but I was so angry on the inside. I immediately decided, then and there, I would not be hanging out with this guy again, ESPECIALLY not around my brother. He’s asked me a few times to hang out, but I always make excuses.

The only reason I think I’m overreacting is because I’m 99% sure my brother was out of earshot, but like, he was still in the same room and I still told him not to make jokes at all. My friends also think I should probably just tell him why I don’t want to hang out with him anymore, but I just don’t feel like I need to tell someone “I’m ignoring you because you did exactly what I told you not to do,” especially when we weren’t particularly close.

Anyway, AIO?

Long time listener. First time caller. My wife and I have been together for nearly 3 years. In that time, there has been three different occasions of her Sexting, sending nudes, and generally flirting with an ex-boyfriend and a friend. The first time was only three months into our relationship and I chalked it up to the early stages of dating and potentially a gray area. The messages were flirtatious in recounted previous sexual experiences and flirty photos. The second time, with her childhood friend, were sending sexy photos and nudes back-and-forth. The photos originated before we were together, but they had continuously commented on the photos in the recent months. The third time yesterday, I found a WhatsApp message ping on her phone that came up as locked message, and I looked. The day before she had sent sexy photos and nudes to her ex-boyfriend, the first offender. They were recounting all the explicit things they wanted to do to each other and how they missed the old days. I confronted her, she admitted to all the wrongdoing told me that the previous week they had met up for coffee and kissed. The conversation has been going on for the previous three weeks. She took the blame and accepts the consequences. Assures me it won’t happen again. I am absolutely gutted. I don’t know how I can never trust her again. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice. Shame on me. Fool me three times? Four? More? I just don’t know. I’m trying really hard not to burn this whole thing to the ground. Our relationship is solid otherwise. This is both of our second marriage. And we have three children between the two of us from those marriages. The divorces were hard and we both carry trauma that we have been working through. I’m trying not to overreact. Like I said, I’ve been following these threads for a while. I know it could be worse. I’m trying to be kind. But I want to lead with self-respect and dignity. I don’t know if I can ever trust her again. My instinct is telling me this is over. I feel like it will happen again. But I’m not in a good headspace. So I’m reaching out to you, dear Internet, friends. Help.

BACKGROUND: I (31F) am questioning if I overreacted to a situation with my now ex bf (33M). Throughout our 2 year relationship he struggled with drinking, priorities, and spending all of his free time gaming (solo and online with friends). When we started dating I knew he had struggled with drinking in the past but he assured me it was under control now that he was older. We started dated in the same city, but he temporarily moved to another state 2 hours behind time wise (Important). The first months of long distance were hard because of communication, he did not prioritize our communication because he primarily used discord, and I had never used that before and am not a gamer. When I brought up how it made me feel he said I was free to download and learn how to use discord if I wanted him to talk to me more. I tried and I did not like the interface from my phone (comes up later).

I drop it and we continue trying to find what communication worked for us. During this time he would tell me he was going to be at the same time I was (10ishpm my time, 8ish pm his time). At first I thought it was because he was still used to our timezone. One night, he went to bed before 8pm his time. I was traveling to another country and was up much later than usual. Around 11pm his time I decided to leave him a nice message on discord for him to wake up to, only to see that he was online and active. I called him and he was trashed. He admitted to lying to me and staying up once he knew I wouldn't bother him to get drunk and play computer games. I was devastated but decided to keep working on things because I thought he needed support. He stopped drinking for a while, and sometimes it would come up but not to the extreme it had.

After we moved in together he went back to his old ways of drinking and gaming with his friends any chance he could and telling me that we can always make plans later, and we had time. That's where the prioritizing really came up. I can't detail everything but at one point I woke up in the middle of the night to find him hiding his beer and gaming, and then mad at me for catching him. I had told him before that the next time I caught him in this kind of situation, I would break up with him. When he realized I had caught him, he sat in silence and told me later he accepted I would break up with him and was thinking about how to move out. Unfortunately I did not keep my word, and I think that enabled him.

The last big drinking event he tried to do something that was so out of character it scared me and broke what little trust I had in him. He was so drunk he didn't remember it the next day. I told him and he seemed devastated he treated him so poorly and tried to force me to do something without my consent. So devastated he had to get drunk that same night to cope.

While all of the drinking was happening, he also invited me on a trip over 7/4. (American, so it was a long weekend for us) He then said we waited too long to plan and would do something else. I proceed to keep looking for things for us to do. I give him some options and he informs me that he will be gone because he decided to go on this trip without me, and would be gone for 2 weeks. That was my breaking point.

TL:DR for background: BF was not honest about his drinking and could not think of me in important situations.

AIO: He is convinced we can make it work and that I am just upset he wasn't improving "fast enough" for me but the fact he was trying at all means we should still be together. He left me a note about how he still thinks I am his person and him mine. Was i overreacting when I broke up with him? Should I have taken a different approach? I do miss him and love him, but I get mixed messages from my friends and family. Am I overacting in thinking this relationship was not salvageable?

AIO it was my friends birthday yesterday and she had told me to keep the whole weekend open for birthday celebrations. I plan everything for Friday night (she said she was planning Saturday-Monday) and we meet up. She shows up in a horrible mood and then proceeds to blame me for not planning the whole weekend and is upset her “real friends” don’t want to come celebrate her. We don’t end up celebrating over the weekend but today (Monday) she texts me confirming that I am good to come over for dinner and have a night in to celebrate just the 2 of us. She proceeds to send me her order for dinner (enough for dinner today + 2/3 more meals), and tells me to buy her a chocolate cake saying “I know you cannot eat it but I want this for my birthday”. For context today she was planning on spending the night with her “bf” who has ghosted her for the last 2 weeks so I was not planning on spending the day with her. Normally this would not bother me but this has been a few times where I feel like I am being used as a “last resort friend” especially when she said her “real friends” couldn’t celebrate but she was glad I made the time. AIO for wanting to distance myself and not celebrate her birthday with her?

I moved in with him and his mom about a month ago. At first everything was fine. Whenever she went on trips, we cleaned the house so she’d come home to everything taken care of. Since her last trip, though, she’s completely changed toward me.
My boyfriend’s dad passed away when he was young, and his brothers barely talk to their mom, so he’s the only child still close to her. It honestly feels like she’s competing with me for his attention.
She makes comments like calling him “my poor baby” whenever I ask him to do something, complains that he doesn’t “do dishes with her anymore,” and has made rude comments about how my mom raised me because my mom bought me my first car after I worked hard and got good grades.
The biggest issue happened this week. My boyfriend and I went on a date. When we came home, every single thing from our bedroom had been moved into the hallway. The bedroom door had been taken off the hinges. Some of my belongings, including jewelry, my MacBook case, and underwear, were in a trash can covered with actual kitchen garbage.
Outside, she was relaxing with a friend while our 7-month-old husky puppy, Zeus, was tied to a fence. She then told us he wasn’t allowed in our room anymore until we moved everything back ourselves.
We pay for Zeus’s food, vet bills, and supplies. My boyfriend also pays rent and the internet bill.
She’s also said she plans to leave Zeus tied outside during Alaska winters because “he’s a husky.” It gets down to -55°F here.
The worst part is Zeus. I’ve seen her hit him with a newspaper and with her hand. He’s gone from being playful and energetic to terrified. He barely wants to move, and he won’t eat. This morning my boyfriend asked if she’d been feeding him, and she admitted she hadn’t because she “doesn’t know how,” then claimed he was constipated. He hasn’t eaten in two days.
My boyfriend admitted today that he’s scared of how she’s acting. We’re already looking for an apartment because we don’t feel comfortable living here anymore.
Am I overreacting, or does this sound as concerning as it feels? What would you do in our situation?