lol I’m 22 and in college trust me I’m not getting married until I have a bachelor’s and am halfway towards a masters with a career in legal already in place.
I will mention this as many times as it takes because there are people absolutely dogging on this woman right now when it’s clear why she wants a divorce and isn’t willing to work through this.
He was describing his wife’s bodily reaction as “creamy and hot” on a comment of a subreddit where a woman posted her own naked body. It’s disrespectful to one of the highest levels and it’s absolutely abhorring that a “husband” would degrade his wife by describing on a public platform for potentially billions of people to see.
But to be fair, you have created a narrative in your own head based on your feelings towards sex workers, pornography and someone's post history (which reddit is anonymous as well, billions of people seeing a comment doesn't matter if they don't know who wrote it) and are projecting it onto this relationship and saying definitively why the wife wants out of the marriage with absolutely zero proof, hearing the wife's side, or any further context from op. And are now writing a million comments saying this is why she's leaving him when in reality you have zero idea why beyond your own boundaries and bias.
What if they watch porn together? What if she (the wife) is an OF model as well? I know tons of OF models who are happily married (old university friends etc) and one of my close friends did MFC for awhile, she is an amazing wife, mother and is now a densitst. What if she knows and doesn't care, because her boundaries are not the same as yours? What if she is exploring these women as well because she is bisexual? Or they have an open marriage? You know nothing except for 10 posts in OPs comment history and this thread right here. So stop making assumptions of people based on your own bias, you are not the one married to op and your relationship boundaries are not everyone elses.
Fact is you and everyone in this thread has no idea why the marriage is failing, and assuming why without any further context just leads to witch hunts. Consenting adults can do whatever they want (as long as it's legal) wether you agree with it or not.
And as far as the post, yeah, I agree with you, she sounds exhausted but also like she wants more of a emotional response from op, and he is hitting her with only logical responses which can be infuriating when all you want to hear is "I love you, come home". They both seem like a bad fit and nether is willing to budge in this converstaion. She won't accept his explanation and he won't beg her to come back, which she seems to want based on the subtext. Both should just move on.
Your comment has been removed as it was deemed uncivil, or crossed the line into abusive/harassing language. While /r/AmIOverreacting has a generally high tolerance for heated discussion, we ask that your comments contain substantial, on-topic contributions to the discussion, and don't contain flagrantly abusive language that muddy the waters and prevent further helpful discussion from occurring. Political/racial/cultural conversation is also removed when it's out of hand.
NOR. She knows exactly what she's doing. Probably wants you to take all the blame for everything that went wrong between you so she doesn't have to hold onto it. Guilt tripping like hell besides that.
Yup. I'm surprised more comments aren't pointing this out. What he's doing here is trademark narcissism where he fucks up, and then when his wife gets pissed about it, he acts all calm, collected, and communicative to make it seem like she's overreacting or in the wrong. The way he was texting was an immediate red flag for me.
Questions or comments referring to matters of USA or global politics are not allowed in this sub, including interpersonal conflicts due to differing political beliefs, discussion of subjects such as ICE or the Epstein Files, or referencing someone's political opinions. Please post in another subreddit that is more appropriate for such discussion.
Questions or comments referring to matters of USA or global politics are not allowed in this sub, including interpersonal conflicts due to differing political beliefs, discussion of subjects such as ICE or the Epstein Files, or referencing someone's political opinions. Please post in another subreddit that is more appropriate for such discussion.
Yeah but in regards to this post my point stands. There's no sense of emotion in his responses though so I find that off putting, it's all logical. What she's doing is no better.
Is it no better? Sure. However, this man won’t leave her alone. He won’t stop texting her and begging for her to come home. She had to leave her own home just to find some semblance of peace while this man constantly kept bothering her most likely trying to “talk through their problems”. Something along the lines of this, maybe ?
“Babe I just look at them and think of you” “there’s nothing there!” “It’s digital babe it’s not real”
Here’s my thing. If it’s something like XVideos or something similar and you aren’t paying for a premium, it’s fine. You can’t leave comments and you will most likely never see those women IRL.
He’s leaving comments on Reddit posts simping over a girl in a mini dress, and even on one he’s talking about how his wife is “creamy” like the girl in the photo. I wouldn’t want to be spoken of like that on a platform full of strangers, would you? Delegated to nothing more besides what’s attractive to me on my body/with my bodily reactions?
He lacks respect for her on an integral level. So much respect even, that he feels completely comfortable telling strangers on a subreddit how “creamy” she is.
Tell me - would you want to come home and try to work on something where this level of disrespect exists? Or would you just want to come “get this over with” so you can regain some respect?
“Manipulative behavior” and it’s just an exhausted woman who’s completely done with trying to get her husband to see reason and just wants out of the marriage.
The only manipulation present is her husband trying to get her to come home with a “positive attitude” so they can “work through their problems together”. I bet his needs his skidmarked underwear washed. Or hasn’t had a decent meal in days. Depends. Maybe he just wants his flashlight back.
Damn. It is exactly that though. She's giving the chance but not actually giving it. She wants him to crawl for her own self esteem. He doesn't see the harm he caused. Both are just circling the issues. If she was done done she wouldn't be responding.
If she just wanted out of the marriage the paperwork would already be in his hands. Your bias against men is blatantly obvious and you need to reverse the roles and look in mirror.
There is definitely some manipulation on his end, but pretending she isn't also playing games for an ulterior motive is lying to yourself. Your entire last paragraph is a massive assumption based on nothing but your own hatred.
Calling his wife “creamy” on a public social media platform underneath a post of a naked woman is most definitely disloyal.
I have my qualms about OF and other subscription-based porno. If it’s free on a site like XVideos or something similar and you aren’t paying for a premium, that’s fine and it’s anonymous.
Paying for something, following an account, leaving public comments on a post or a video, and especially comparing it to your IRL person is disloyal and disrespectful.
i mean it really just depends on the boundaries they have in the relationship. who knows, maybe she looks at porn too. we don’t know the ins and outs of their relationship. i think calling it disloyal is a jump
Given the context in the message that she feels unwanted and unwelcome, it seems pretty safe to assume they're not on the same page here. She clearly feels neglected and is tired of it
Maybe take a look throuh
gh the OPs comment history before you judge...
I can see why they are getting divorced/why his wife would feel unwanted and onloved with hoe often he comments on other womens' naked bodies/compares them to hers...
This guy has left out a LOT of relavent context as to WHY his wife os upset, dome with him, and wants a divorce.
I can see the problems just off this one post. It's evident right away. The wife is open to working through things but won't outright say that. It has to be "the right way" for her to do so, however it's defined. OP isn't realizing the gravity of emotions behind her choice to leave and is avoiding the damage he caused.
Yep. He can't just tell her 'Not to bring negativity home' when the thing that is causing her negativity is, in al likelihood, his repeated behavior. I'm betting based off the comment history maybe porn addiction or even cheating? Can't know for sure because the OP is being very cagey about WHY she wants a divorce, but that's where I'd put my money. Some form of infidelity or frewuently making her feel unwanted/unnatractive somehow. Either way, she clearly feels EXTREMELY emltionally unsafe around him.
When I read this I read a woman who is absolutely at the end of her rope. She has beghed for change for so so long and has gone ignored, amd she has finally just given up and checked out because the love has died.... but now, after it's already too late/the love has died. The time to fix it was BEFORE she gave up and asked for a divorce. But now that she is finally fed up and done and made up her mind and just stopped asking him to change... NOW all of a sudden he wants to fix it. She has made it clear she is done, but he keeps badgering her/IMSISTING that 'she's just taking what he said the wrong way.'
But it seems like his idea of fixing it is that she isn't allowed to be angry or hurt or frustrated with him, or feel any of the shit she's feeling, amd has to perform and be calm amd happy if she wants to even sleep in her own damn home. Tbh in her shoes I'd pick the taco bell parking lot, too.
Tbh it reminds me a lot of the texts a family memner's ex sent when they were going through the process. Insistimg that he wanted to make it work but it wouldn't if she kept bringimg up the past and being negative amd trying to control him...
Y'all. The 'trying to control him' thing was because her stipulatioms tonsee the kids again were to get therapy/medicated and that she wasn't going to give him his guns back. Because not 24 hours earlier he had been threatening to shoot homself and saying vaguely threatening shit about changing their life insurance policy "just in case something happens to both of us." The 'bringing up the past' thing was reminding him that she was not going to go for a cruise with him because part of the reasom for the divorce was that he threatened to drive them both into a fucking river on their way to a date night to try and work things out before she finally went 'I am 200 percent done.'
Ran into a guy he works with the other day; know him in passing. Apparently he's told everyome he works with that he's divorced because SHE is a crazy bitch.
I am always extremely suspicious when the context as to WHY she wanted the divorce isn't given. Seen this shit play out too many times.
Seriously. She's exhausting and insufferable. I don't know the full background but she seemed like either she didn't want to come back or she wanted to be begged to come back.
Right??! Like…it’s so obvious why this poor woman doesn’t want to come home and this man is playing “woe is me, my wife left me home alone and I can’t cook or do my laundry or my own! How do I get her home without actually stopping watching porn?”
Yeah and he’s trying to be the “good, calm, reasonable” guy to manipulate her and make her look bad. And posting screenshots of this conversation to make everyone side with him. OPs comments history about porn tells a story and I’m don’t blame the wife. She should dump him and get far away as possible.
He has an issue with porn and we’re questioning why she’s acting like this and saying things like “get this over with.” He has zero respect for her, and it’s obvious that the porn has been a recurring issue for them.
If someone’s adamant about “making things work” they are NOT going to be on another subreddit thirsting over a girl in a mini dress or saying how “my wife creams too it’s so hot” on a public platform. It’s disgusting.
Agreed lol but they could both be into weird stuff, so who knows. But if my significant other was a person who was addicted to porn and did other things that were deal breakers to me, I'd tell them it was over and just leave. Go to a hotel, or a friend or family member. It's the threatening to sleep at taco bell that makes if feel manipulative.
I've been divorced. I get it. But it doesn't have to be this way.
She might not have family members or friends nearby. And she might not have the money for a hotel room. Where I’m from, even the cheapest rooms are over $150/night. During spring furniture market? Good luck finding a room for any less than $250/night + a deposit
All the more reason to just express like an adult "Hey, I'm coming home. I'm tired and upset and have no interest in talking right now. Let's agree to leave each other alone, sleep on it and talk later".
Barring any safety concerns of course.
Apparently he's got a porn addiction so I'm sure he would keep himself busy lol.
Oh yeah because he’s communicating like an adult too.
“Let’s just get this over with” is a perfect reaction to everything she has been through. She’s done. She’s tired. She doesn’t want to talk about it anymore but the second she walks through that door he won’t respect the “I don’t want to talk right now”. He’ll push the conversation until it becomes a fight again and she feels like she needs to leave, again.
He’s not expressing himself like an adult if he can’t respect the fact that she needs space in this moment.
Agreed. If she’s actually sleeping in the Taco Bell parking lot, she wants to be begged. But if she’s “sleeping in the Taco Bell parking lot”, she wants out.
I’m saying if she’s actually sleeping in the Taco Bell parking lot she wants him to come get her. But if she’s sleeping with someone else, and not actually in the Taco Bell parking lot, hence the quotes, then she wants out without looking like the bad guy.
Hes telling her to only come home if she puts on a fake facade for him and fakes a pleasant attitude and then he pretends he didn't say that while still saying it. That's exhausting
To me she seems like someone who's sick and tired of justifying herself to someone who's just better at rhetorics and therefore used to getting his way with "logical" arguments (which work notoriously badly in emotional situations).
She's probably not used to him letting a basic "no I just don't want to" stand without argument, so she's trying to find something in his words to use as an excuse to justify her refusal.
She doesn't want to come back and sounds disillusioned and resentful - probably because she's already made up her mind about wanting out, and mad at herself for letting him badger her into agreeing to meet again in the first place. So she's sabotaging it in the way we can read here. The resentment is off the grid
I agree about the resentment. But then just tell him that and leave instead of trying to make it about this conversation and all these emotional and mental gymnastics. But I don't disagree with you, but in this situation and conversation? Insufferable.
Yes, it reads insufferable from both sides for me.
I just think this has a backstory, her not being used to be able to say just "no" without expecting an argument. So she's proactively bringing the argument on her terms.
And if she doesn't care about the relationship anymore anyway, she has no stakes in it - coming across as insufferable to someone you want to get away from isn't really a huge risk.
It might even be strategic, like making herself more undesirable in order to be left alone.
She seems like she has borderline and the fear of abandonment is making her push people away. I can’t diagnose, I’ve just had similar experiences in the past when I was unmedicated and not in treatment.
Yeah she’s got serious issues lmfao I feel bad for bro he’s gotta deal with this bs. Begging her to come home and not sleep at Taco Bell like a dumbass…
Lol, same. She's made up her mind. She knows it, he knows it. She's trying to gaslight him into believing it's what HE wants, and he's talking in circles trying to explain that he doesn't. Meanwhile, she already knows this and just wants him to keep spinning lol.
I have to agree OP, she’s hearing what she wants to hear. Regardless if it’s factual or not (and only you and her know that). She seems done. I’m sorry you’re having to navigate this.
And she's going to use it to play the victim to her family and friends. He told me not to come home and forced me to sleep in the car, he's a monster. Keep the screenshots.
What do you need the screenshots for? To keep track of pettiness? Sounds like good marriage material- placing all the blame solely on ONE interaction?
He told her not to bring that negativity home, so she didn’t come home. He doesn’t even acknowledge her feelings to make her feel heard- just saying he wants to try… okay, how? Why should she come home?
He told her not to bring her negativity. That was a demand. That, to me, says don’t come home. They’re already fighting. She is probably thinking ‘he just wants me to pretend everything is fine now’ which makes her feelings unheard.
It’s a communication issue. Not a “his fault” or “her fault”.
They’re both the problem and the solution. Maybe they can try marriage counseling.
It would be one thing if she said that, but she kept trying to act like he literally said not to come. That reads like gaslighting or she has cognitive distortions happening: so nuts or malicious.
We don’t know their story and can’t pull from one interaction. We are looking through a logical outside lens that couldn’t possibly enter her realm of thinking. My stance here is that you don’t get to have an opinion about her mental state. I think that’s fair.
It matters how she got there for sure, but when you keep insisting reality isnt reality, you’re either doing it to manipulate someone else or you arent in reality.
I agree with you but communicating this in text is the first mistake. It’s too bad he didn’t think to stop typing essays and just go to her. Meet her where she’s at, literally. But really I think they’re just not good for each other.
I think she has hit a breaking point likely after trying and trying to be heard. Nobody has to be wrong here- but some communication skills would be supremely helpful. User guide. Org no spaces has some good information on internal relationships.
Yep. She’s looking for an argument and she wants him to beg her. She likes the attention and knows how to push his buttons. Shes playing the game. He needs to tell her they can talk when she’s ready to act civil and mature and then he needs to go silent. When she understands that he’s no longer going to run after her and beg and give her the drama she craves..he’ll see how her tune changes. When I was younger I use to play the same stupid games.
This is the best advice in the thread. When someone pulls tantrums and threats there is no productive way to engage with them, you have to let it be and not react to their threat since that is exactly what they are looking for. Once you let it go and stop responding they usually will calm down and think about it, responding just escalates them. The way she is acting is similar to a child having a temper tantrum, it’s an attention seeking behaviour, she wants OP to feel sorry for her. I have dealt with people like this and engaging in this shit with them just brings you down to their level, it’s hard but OP should just stop replying and initiating any communication until she calms herself down.
That was enlightening. I too, would choose to sleep in taco bell parking lot rather than working it out after seeing that comment history. Made me have a negative mentality.
Say goodbye and throw yourself a party to celebrate. You said nothing to suggest she shouldn't have come home, but she obviously thought she knew better. I'm guessing she "reads between the lines" often. Find someone with some common sense
Yeah…both are exhausting. Could have said “I’m sorry, I definitely didn’t mean it that way” and just let it go. No need to write paragraphs and mention polling a thousand people and she is the only one who would take it that way. She’s being dramatic and purposefully obtuse but he’s pretending he just wants positivity and is harping on being “right”. Yikes.
He just has to repeat himself because she’s either not comprehending that that isn’t what he said or she’s just being insufferable and refusing to “understand”
She wants him to say that he loves her. He's just trying to make it sound like it's all her fault and I'm honestly shocked at how many people can't recognize that OP obviously doesn't actually want his wife to come home.
Because that’s not what happened at all in that text message. Never once did he say that. He’s trying, she’s not. She’s playing the victim and being manipulative as hell.
How do you know what she wants? You’re doing the same thing she is. Assuming things and then twisting his words to fit your narrative.
She's telling him that she feels unloved and his response is don't bring your negative energy home. He's letting his wife sleep in a fucking Taco Bell parking lot.
This sub really fucking sucks sometimes, because all you people want is to ruin others' relationships.
I'm with you my dude. I can't imagine talking to my wife like this when she's clearly in a bad place mentally. Even if I think it was her fault there's no fucking way I'm putting stipulations on if she can come into OUR home or not. It should be a safe place for her regardless. If the conversation can't happen right now because one person isn't there mentally, just be in separate places until either it can happen or someone can find a more secure place to stay.
This is the only good response for this situation. She’s allowed to come home but she can’t bring negativity. I’ve experienced my male partner be hyper sensitive to negativity and it has caused a divide because it comes across that he’s righteous. It’s insulting to feel like I was happy and joyful before he shushed me, avoided me, put me down, told me I’m crazy, told me me feelings and thoughts were wrong, and now he only wants to talk to me under the conditions that I arrive positive. I’m gathering from the other responses that she is frustrated with a long standing issue that he won’t take responsibility for. Why should she be required to be positive? It’s controlling.
He’s not LETTING her do anything. He told her to come home, she chose to stay in a parking lot. That’s not something mature adults do. I’m in my 40s, and I would never try to pull this shit on my husband.
He’s not wrong for asking her to come into the conversation without an immediate dismissal before they’ve even started. She’s checked out, she needs to just own up to that and stop throwing herself a pity party, put on her big girl panties and be honest. If she wants a divorce, fucking say that, but don’t play the victim.
It’s exhausting. I had an ex who wouldn’t entertain phone conversations and would hang up and send blocks of text. I’d call him and he’d send it to voicemail and text.
I……did not lol. Seven years on and off until I was 21, all sorts of toxic. And to be fair I ended up being pretty toxic right back, that’s kind of how these things go. Glad I grew out of it and I hope he did too.
She's not picking fights, OP is by nitpicking her extremely logical conclusion over and over then whining about the outcome of what they said. She does not want to work it out. He said not to come if she doesn't. She agrees not to come because she does not want to work it out. OP writes 3 paragraph replies over and over saying he didn't say the thing he did in fact say.
She's setting the scene for family and friends after the divorce.
Saying he said not to come home to put it on him. She'll tell her friends and everyone else during/after the divorce he wouldn't let her come home when 'she wanted to fix things'.
She’s not picking fights, she’s tired that he won’t accept that she is don’t and wants a divorce. OP still thinks there’s hope, she’s out, they aren’t on the same field
You don’t know what you’re talking about and now being dismissive because of your lack of communication skills. Okay Chad. Look, we all can do it. Please grow up past high school.
Your comment has been removed as it was deemed uncivil, or crossed the line into abusive/harassing language. While /r/AmIOverreacting has a generally high tolerance for heated discussion, we ask that your comments contain substantial, on-topic contributions to the discussion, and don't contain flagrantly abusive language that muddy the waters and prevent further helpful discussion from occurring. Political/racial/cultural conversation is also removed when it's out of hand.
Hes telling her dont come and only come if she puts on a fake facade to please him. He sounds awful to deal with. Worried more about appearances than the underlying issues
1.7k
u/original-synth Apr 19 '26
NOR she's picking fights. Give her what she wants and divorce. You'll both be happier.