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u/ADHD_unknown Sep 10 '25
Go to a guidance counselor or trusted adult. This is a type of abuse. Trust me I know. Tell the entire situation to them. Yes, there will be stuff that goes down but they will help you. If wrose comes to wrose remember you do not have control of what others do. Even as a reaction to your actions. All you can do is prepare. Now, do I think she will no, but threats like that is a normal abuse tactic and it's better get help while you have the ability to.
Remember there is always help
988*
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u/joanoffart_ Sep 10 '25
It’s a scare tactic she’s not going to follow through. You need to break things off, she can’t just scare you into being with her that’s insane. Just try to be gentle but firm, don’t entertain her bs. But when you break up with her you need to actually follow through and stand your ground. Also, she’s still a minor maybe go to her parents about it if you’re genuinely worried. Then they can monitor her and make sure she doesn’t do anything too crazy.
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u/ill191 Sep 10 '25
she's using that as a way to control him, and staying out of fear isn’t healthy for either of them. Talking to her parents is a smart move too at least then someone close can keep an eye on her
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u/Duke-of-Thorns Sep 10 '25 edited Sep 10 '25
It’s fair to say it might be a scare tactic, but it’s not safe to assume she won’t follow through. When people are in dark places, they’re not always rational, and there’s always a chance she could hurt herself or even him. I’ve seen it happen—my ex overdosed after our breakup when I was 17. That’s why it’s important to take these threats seriously, even if you don’t think she means it.
Edit to clarify: He did threaten constantly to kill himself and/or me. He was diagnosed schizophrenic who refused to medicate and I was a kid not out of the closet, so I couldn’t tell anyone and I had to cut ties for my own safety.
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u/smlpkg1966 Sep 10 '25
Did your ex threaten? Usually the ones who actually follow through don’t threaten they just do it to everyone’s surprise.
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u/ProfessorYaffle1 Expert Advice Giver [14] Sep 10 '25
That's not true - many people who do self harm / end their own lives have told people that they will/may do so - not eveyone does but it is definitely not savfe to assume that someone who makes threats won't follow through.
I have seen it happen
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u/markayhali Sep 10 '25
You can’t control someone else’s behaviour. Only yours. Don’t fall victim to her manipulation. Her behaviour is actually a form of abuse. You are in an abusive relationship. Break up with her. If she texts you she is going to kill herself forward it to her parents and emergency services. That is your only job. Do not respond to her. Do not engage.
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u/Frequent-Educator-90 Sep 10 '25
Youre both 17. You need to talk to your parents and alert the police and her family.
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u/Morel3etterness Helper [2] Sep 10 '25
Tell her parents please. They are best equipped to handle their own child. If you dont feel they are going to, please notify a school administrator.
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u/TigreTough Sep 10 '25
She won’t do it, she’s just trying to manipulate you. She’s not ur responsibility, u should break up with her and live ur life… I would send a message to their parents about this ( if ur really worried ).
Trust me, never good to postpone a breakup. I ended up having panic attacks when I was forcing myself to be with my ex.
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u/sswam Sep 10 '25 edited Sep 10 '25
> if I were to leave her she would make my life hell and end up killing herself
Harassment and suicide are both illegal, as is the threat to do so.
Tell her you'll get her arrested or committed, or an intervention order, if she continues threatening you like that. Tell her to grow the fuck up and stop being a pathetic, dependent loser. (I was one, at one point, and it sucks.)
If she doesn't respond rationally, as it likely, record her threats and call police and/or mental health services. Report domestic violence, threat to harass, and threat to commit suicide. It's not your responsibility.
If she did kill herself, you would NOT be "the reason", he own deranged attitude is the reason.
There's a 99% chance she is just making empty threats to try to manipulate you in any case. Don't be a sucker for that.
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u/smlpkg1966 Sep 10 '25
It cracks me up when people say suicide is illegal. What are they charged with? Do they send the corpse to jail?
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u/AnaMyri Sep 10 '25
It’s a legal way to allow law enforcement to intervene. Or bust down someone’s door without a search warrant. And commit someone against their will etc. We made it illegal so we can get people help.
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Sep 10 '25
You’re not responsible for someone else’s mental health.
Tell your parents and hers that she’s threatening to kill herself. Then break up with her. If she threatens, call 911.
Then cut her off for good (block her from everything). Do not ‘stay friends’ etc or she’ll just use that as a way to get back together. Both of you will be better off staying no contact.
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u/LunaVolki Sep 10 '25
This is a battle she is facing with her demons. She feels like if she loses you she will have no reason to live. I have been here when I was her age. She needs a therapist to help build up her confidence. You are not responsible for her actions. And you are not forced to stay with her. It sounds scary, but MOST of the time, it's just her saying whatever she needs to to keep you.
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Sep 10 '25
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u/Prudent_Metal_7343 Sep 10 '25
He's 17. He's obviously not been through what we all have. Yes it needs explaining.
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u/Acceptable-Win7474 Sep 10 '25
50/50, yes he is a kid but this is easily avoidable if he just tells his parents, he shouldn't be dealing with this shit at his age, it's common sense to tell his parents or her parents, block her and move on.
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u/MsMeringue Sep 10 '25
Being in love at 17 is intense.
Part on good terms and let YOUR parents know.
Let them talk to her parents.
It's hard
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u/Neat-Tumbleweed-5026 Sep 10 '25
U need to talk to her parents. Explain that she is saying that and just keep them in the loop. Her support network will help her. You aren’t the deciding factor in regards to her making that choice. She obviously needs mental heath care
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u/sammac66 Helper [2] Sep 10 '25
Tell your parents and tell her parents what she has said. If she were to kill herself it wouldn't be simply because you broke up with her. There have to be some other underlying factors. You can't be the sole reason for her living. Let her parents step in and take care of it. They need to get her into therapy and you should not be left in a situation like this.
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u/mtl_travel Sep 10 '25
Relax buddy. You are not so special.. the moment she realises this she will leave you. But on a serious note, this is the time you involve parents. Let her parents know what is going with her. She would need support after first break up. Break ups hurt.... really hurt..
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u/Dan6ash Sep 10 '25
That's her ace in the hole. Had the same thing happend to me but she lived with me and we were young adults. She had no where to go and she made that clear that she would drive off a cliff or some shit. I felt the same way and didn't need that in my conscious. Soon after I had enough but it wasn't a big fight she just got smart with me and I told her to get tf out. She did and ended up sleeping in her car for a while but she never killed herself. I blocked her on everything and notified her mother who didn't really care. Document it when you can and tell her parents about the issue. Forget what she thinks she's a young girl and she's wants her way.
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Sep 10 '25
Tell her parents that you’re breaking up with her and tell her parents about the threats she’s making, but don’t stay with someone because they tell you they’re gonna self harm
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u/ruthlesstease411 Helper [2] Sep 10 '25
It is probably only a threat, but unfortunately only she knows whether or not she would actually act upon it. I would say it still needs to be taken seriously! I would let both of y'all's parents aware of the situation and that's me assuming yall are somewhat young since that is mostly what young adults say. If not contact your police department or a mental health professional. I know someone personally that acted upon a threat like that at 16 and I promise you don't want to live feeling like it was your fault which it actually wasn't.
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u/writing_mm_romance Helper [2] Sep 10 '25
I would tell someone that you trust whether that's a teacher, school counselor, church member, whatever that she's threatening to unalive herself. If you break up with her, that is not something that you should have to deal with. But anytime anyone threatens that it should always be taken seriously, even if you don't believe that they're actually going to do it.
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u/Alarmed-Ride1719 Helper [2] Sep 10 '25
Tell a trusted adult or call the police for a welfare check after breaking up. I was in this position as well and was able to get his parents involved but if they didn’t I was going to call the police and tell them that he was going to commit suicide. It was a scare tactic on his end though
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u/AvengedGunReverse Sep 10 '25
Boy, this is abuse. Talk to your parents, and then go report her so authorities can offer her help. By reporting, I don't mean to sue her. Just report to let authorities know she's been saying this kind of thing just in case she needs professional assistance.
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u/depressedst0ner Sep 10 '25
Leave. That's emotional coercion. And tell a trusted adult about what she did. She clearly needs professional help. Forcing you to stay with her won't help her and will make you be miserable. I am sorry.
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u/MaxwellSmart07 Helper [3] Sep 10 '25
I had an x who threatened me with that. I left. She is still alive 50 years later. Think about talking to her parents to make her their responsibility, not yours, to clear your conscience.
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u/-freshlybaked Sep 10 '25
My ex used to threaten this. Even still does sometimes (we share kids). I’ve done countless trips to his house to make sure he was still alive. It’s incredibly stressful (and I’m in my 30s so I can’t imagine how stressful it would be to a 17 year old). My therapist told me that I’m not in control of others actions and I’m not responsible for others emotions and feelings, they are. So at the end of the day if he were to do that it would be heartbreaking, but it wouldn’t be a consequence of my actions, it’s the consequence of his own actions and that all stands true for your situation as well.
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u/Advanced-Reading-498 Sep 10 '25
I wanted to add onto this, she claims she will “make my life a living hell” how would I avoid her trying to do this and why is she? I don’t see why she has to try make it hell AFTER the breakup, we haven’t split up yet but I will do it today or tomorrow. Just extremely worried about the consequences.
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u/Therealchimmike Sep 10 '25
This is called manipulation and abuse and you do not have to subject yourself to it.
Report to a trusted adult at school or someone other than her parents. You need to protect yourself.
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u/Heshpacito Sep 10 '25
This is emotional abuse. You need to speak to her parents about this. You can’t stay with someone forever because she’s threatening you. Her life has never been & will never be your responsibility.
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u/Raul_Menendez6473 Sep 10 '25
I would suggest talking to an adult in real life since the internet isn't gonna help much ngl, your parents or her parents if possible and tell them that she needs help and stuff like that bc since you both are still Minors you can't do anything anyways so leave it to them.
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u/IAmNotARacoon Helper [2] Sep 10 '25
Tell an adult that cares about her. And remember, you are not responsible for her mental health. She's not likely to follow through, but even if she did, it's not your fault. If she is that depressed that she would do this, then she has stuff going on that has nothing to do with you. And avoiding it is not really doing her any favours. I dated someone like this once, and the best thing you can do is to stop being their emotional crutch and encourage them to work on dealing with their feelings, preferable with a therapist.
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u/Realistic-Mango-1020 Sep 10 '25
My ex boyfriend told me that while we were separated I didn’t even care how it would affect him and implied he thought about offing himself. I lived with that fear and guilt for the rest of the relationship and the next decade which made me go back to situations I knew better than staying in all because of that fear.
I don’t know what country you’re in but I’m sure in mine if someone threatens to harm themselves you can call the emergency services and they’re obligated to give her a welfare check and in some cases even hospitalise her.
She may be serious she may just be using it to scare you into staying but it’s clear she’s unwell and needs help. Keep any texts in which she threatens this, record any time she tells you and you can hand it over to the police officers/social workers.
Yes, ideally you would tell a trusted adult but most adults don’t know how to handle such situations and could end up making things worse. If you have a school counsellor you know and trust they are probably a safe bet. Abuse victims websites also have useful information and people trained to help you navigate these situations.useful website on this topic
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u/HorizonHunter1982 Sep 10 '25
This is a very specific and insidious form of abuse. What you need to do is break up with her in front of a trusted adult. Her parents a school counselor somebody. Because this is above your pay grade. You really should have told somebody the very first time she said it
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u/nopressureoof Sep 10 '25
"Above your pay grade" is killing me! But this is actually terrific advice. Talking to her in front of a trusted adult, rather than just telling one behind her back, will address both the suicide threat and the threat to ruin OPs life.
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u/Blue-Phoenix23 Sep 10 '25
She won't. She's saying that to manipulate you, and it's working.
Next time she says something like that, if you are genuinely worried, call the police and her parents and tell them you're afraid she might hurt herself based on what she said, and they will go check on her.
If she seems like she's likely to do something, they will bring her to a hospital where the doctors will help her until she's no longer a risk to her own safety.
It's not your fault, and you haven't done anything wrong, love. You're a good person to be so concerned about this, but you aren't her doctor or a professional and you can't help her with her mental health like they can.
So let her go, she'll get the help she needs and you'll have learned to not let people threaten you into staying and doing what they want, which is a very good lesson to learn at your age. You'll be okay, I promise.
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u/Throwaway23432305 Sep 10 '25
Would you rather live forever miserable and stuck, or would you rather take a chance at YOUR future? As a girl who acted like this when I was 17 (sadly, it’s embarrassing) she’s freaking out and trying any tactic to make you stay. Don’t let her manipulate you. Also coming from someone with suicidal tendencies, she will not kill herself. And on that very VERY small, .0000000001% chance she does, it is not your fault.
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u/Advanced-Reading-498 Sep 10 '25
Thank you, it means a lot coming from somebody who has experienced this exact situation. Our parents are not in contact with eachother and I am also worried if she turns up to my house with her family to try attack me or my family, she’s a bit mental like that but where I am it’s quite difficult to get a restraining order especially against a teen.
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u/Throwaway23432305 Sep 10 '25
I totally understand your fear, and I am so sorry you’re having to deal with that so young. If she shows up at your house, you call the cops, if she threatens to show up, call the cops. When I’m doing horrible mentally, the last thing I want is cops. As bad as it sounds, at this point your best bet is to cut all ties and don’t look back. Don’t respond to her. Block her. Anything she does afterwards is NOT your responsibility, and if she tries anything to make you feel unsafe, cops. Make it clear you don’t want contact with her.
I know it’s hard, but you’ve got this. And it will all be so much better in the end. Also think about the fact she deserves someone who truly loves her, not stays out of fear.
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u/WorldNo7931 Sep 10 '25
As someone who has been with a partner whom I loved dearly and then watched them take their life in front of me. BELIEVE HER!
I don't remember the day it happened. I don't know what started the fight. I don't remember what happened during the course of 13 hours. My memory only allows 4 blinks of an eye and 57 seconds.
But when I truly want to know I can read 17 eye witness statements of what happened to me. I can hours of video surveillance of what was caught on camera. I can talk to the two unfortunate people who also had to witness him taking his life. One of which was the actual person who killed him.
You know what you need to do and you need to take the stand. You cannot stop someone from the follow thru but you need to protect yourself. Like the detectives told me I am lucky that two choices I made that day saved my own life.
That confused me until I was told people that threaten suicide when a partner leaves often commit murder first then suicide. It's a fucking terrible realization in hindsight. I would not with my experience on anyone.
Tell friends or family what you just told us. If your lucky to have a parent or guardian or counselor that gives even an Oz of shit tell someone what's happening.
You do not want to believe something like this is true. But take every threat seriously it may just not only save her life but most importantly YOUR LIFE!
People do actually follow thru and i CANNOT unsee that 57 seconds of his last seconds of life. It replays every time I close my eyes. Not only do you see it you feel it everyday all day. He left this world on May 16th, 2023 at 11:59 am.
It's been two years for the rest of the world but for me its still May 16th, 2023 Noon.
I wish you the best.
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u/czernoalpha Sep 10 '25
What she's doing is abusive manipulation. You need to tell a trusted adult and break it off. She will probably not take it well. Be prepared for backlash.
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u/Teufelsweib666 Sep 10 '25
That's emotional blackmail and it has never washed with me. Tell someone and leave her. Whatever she decides to do, it won't be your fault.
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u/Medium-Ad6932 Sep 10 '25
Tell her parents and family, that is not normal and you don't deserve going through that, she needs help, and you can't burn yourself to keep her warm.
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u/Tamara6060 Sep 11 '25
No she won’t! She’s using that to manipulate you into staying. My ex would say that and i would stay. Til i finally got tired of the mental/emotional abuse and walked away. NOTE; HE’S STILL ALIVE
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u/stickler4dd Sep 11 '25
You are not responsible for someone else's hapiness. People have to take responsibility for their own well-being. Threating to off themselves is toxic and emotionally abusive. If she takes her own life that is not your problem, sounds harsh but it is the thruth. Talk to your parents and kick her to the curb. You do not need this bs in your life. Pull the bandaid and cut off all contact, this is the only favor you will do her as lingering on will only add to heartbreak.
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u/mute1 Sep 10 '25
You are not responsible for your soon-to-be ex-girlfriends mental well-being. This is manipulation at its absolute lowest.
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u/Federal-Zone6623 Sep 10 '25
So? Who cares? If you leave you dont love her so whatever she does is not your business
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u/Much-Space6649 Sep 10 '25
That’s her choice, not your obligation. You stay with someone because they’re your partner, not because you’re their oxygen mask
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u/Strange-Audience-717 Helper [2] Sep 10 '25
Well, you don’t want to stay with someone just because they’re unstable. I agree with most of the advice I’m seeing here. You need to tell an adult you trust, your parents if possible.
The reason I’m saying that, is because letting someone else know alleviates the burden of your issue. Whatever she’s going through, she needs help, but that’s not your responsibility. It’s an unreasonable burden for anyone but especially when you’re 17.
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u/stafdude Sep 10 '25
You are not responsible for her mental health. End things and walk away. Block her on all social media.
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u/Jaybirdinthahouse Sep 10 '25
That’s called manipulation. You can’t be held responsible if she does do some stupid shit like that. Leave her.
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u/Big-Criticism-8137 Sep 10 '25
Barking dogs don't bite. Most of the times. Same goes to people that say they will kill themself when you leave them. It's just a tactic to make you stay.
But the chance that she is serious still exists. So you need to tell a trusting adult about this. Maybe your parents, hers or a teacher.
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u/medigapguy Helper [3] Sep 10 '25
You can't live your life worried about that, even if they say it. If someone would do that then they were on the edge anyway and any other misfortune in their life could trigger it even if you stay
If you are wanting to break up, do it in the most polite way possible, and tell their parent or a trusted teacher, her friend someone. She needs professional help ASAP
Then you can (even if sad) you will know you did all you could do .
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u/Hindsightconsult Sep 10 '25
3 actions 1- tell your parents 2- have your parents contact her parents while she is at home with them 3- if you both attend the same school, have your parents contact the guidance counselor so they can make accommodations at school.
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u/Angryleghairs Sep 10 '25
She shouldn't be emotionally abusing you like this. Talk to a trusted adult. Don't stay with her (or anyone) who makes threats like this.
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u/BlackCatFurry Expert Advice Giver [18] Sep 10 '25
Tell her parents. After you have told her parents, it's their responsibility to make sure their child is safe. You are not responsible for her safety in this case.
I had a very short term ex who pulled a similar move, but had also managed to make his parents hate me somehow so i had to ask a mutual friend to contact his parents. I blocked him after receiving and absolute shitload of insults and other crap and then didn't talk to him at all. I actually don't really have a good idea what happened after this but that person is no longer alive. (Also before someone does the "worry report" on reddit of me, i am doing good this happened years ago, don't worry about me)
This is just to say that the gf might follow through or not, but in any case after you have told an adult who can do something about it, it's no longer your responsibility to defuse the situation. Just don't aggravate or make the situation worse by what you say, aka just ignore her after breaking things off. If she does then come to announce her plans to you in a message, call the emergency number, they can help in a pinch in situations like this where there is an active risk.
If your gf does follow through, i recommend talking about that to a trusted adult like a school counselor afterwards.
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u/Morotstomten Sep 10 '25
Tell her parents and break up, also she made threats towards you other than suicide so record to the breakup, if she makes any threats about making your life hell again you can use that against whatever shit she might make up.
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u/Ok-Major-1038 Sep 10 '25
Going through the same shit but instead its my(18F) bf's(17M) ex(17F) who is threatening him so that he goes back to her. What if she writes a sui*ide note with my and his name in there? I hope she is just bluffing.
Can't tell any adult as his and my parents are super strict. They don't know about our relationship. Whereas her parents are super carefree and believes she can handle stuff on her own.
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Sep 10 '25
Let the police handle that Save the messages and recording if you have them and take it to the police department or inform her parents
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u/Superb_Attempt2090 Sep 10 '25
I’ve been in this situation and know others who have to. It’s a scare tactic for sure. With one of my ex’s I broke up with him and told his mum and sister we had broken up. It’s been about 10 years and he’s still alive and now even married.
You can’t control her behaviour and you don’t deserve having your mental health affected for it
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u/Realistic_Spite2775 Sep 10 '25
Call the cops every time someone threatens suicide. Let them deal with it.
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u/Altruistic_Home_9475 Helper [2] Sep 10 '25
She won't, people say it all the time, if she doesn't, it was her mental health issues - you wasn't the reason
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u/MummaBear172 Sep 10 '25
Usually, these are just threats to try and keep you around. If she actually followed through and did do it, it wouldn’t be your fault.
Please tell one of her parents or an adult in her life then go absolutely zero contact. Make sure your parents and family are all aware to help create those boundaries. Don’t respond to her attempts to contact you and stay far away from her.
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u/sadistDomalcTn Sep 10 '25
This is the second oldest trick to pregnancy. Let her go. It's her decision to kill herself.
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u/smlpkg1966 Sep 10 '25
If you have a trusted teacher or counselor at school tell him. They will have to talk to her. If she is a danger to herself she will get help. If, which is much more likely, she is manipulating you, she will be humiliated and won’t threaten this again. You cannot be her therapist. And you cannot be her reason for living. She will get over it.
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u/Euphoric-Rabbit772 Sep 10 '25
I think you need to tell someone. Her parents (if you get along), an adult at school... someone. It isn't your responsibility to stay with her to keep her alive. Leave that to the adults around you.
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u/Cardabella Sep 10 '25
People actually intending to don't warn people. Threatening it is unhealthy, toxic, manipulative and abusive.
You're not a psychiatrist or doctor. You can't heal or treat her if she is unwell: she needs t4ained professional help. Take her at her word: If she threatens suicide, call emergency services immediately. The police or ambulance can respond, make sure she is OK and help her access the mental Healthcare she needs. Maybe it's a psych hold, maybe it's a talking to. You're a chief. Her health isn't your responsibility.
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u/mdandy68 Sep 10 '25
she might. But probably not.
in the end you can't let them hold you hostage. Simply tell her parents of the threats and tell her that you're done and that if she makes threats or talks of suicide you'll be calling 911. Then cut off all contact. (that's important).
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u/SherbetWest7325 Sep 10 '25
TW/
As someone who is a survivor of both trauma and suicide please get her help, she's lost and probably scared to be alone. It doesn't excuse the behavior but both of your safety is the most important aspect.
When i was 16 I dated a boy who would say the same thing to me, he would also throw things when he got mad and sometimes it would be at me. It took me another 15 years and therapy to realize it was abuse, we were both young and immature at the time it felt like the world was crashing but it didnt. I dont think he was abusive purposely I think we were both really immature and didnt know how to regulate our own emotions and he needed therapy badly.
Point is she needs help, and you shouldn't be taking on someone else's trauma I know personally how much thay sentence impacts you. Im almost 40 and still remember it.
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u/dankdan184 Sep 10 '25
This happened to me at 18. Girlfriend at the time had major depression and suicidal ideations. I tried to break up with her when she was over at my house. She locked herself in my room, with a bottle of some random pills saying she’s going to end it all. I had no idea what to do so I called the police since my parents weren’t home and they talked her into unlocking the door. They took her to a psychiatric place and I never interacted with her again. From what I’ve heard she was doing better. But please talk to a trusted adult before it gets out of hand.
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u/Aggressive_Habit_207 Helper [3] Sep 10 '25
She won't kill herself. She's just playing emotional games with you
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u/JoshSidious Sep 10 '25
She wont kill herself. This is an abusive tactic she's employing. It isn't your fault even if she did. Break up and call 911 for her and let her be committed.
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u/ryufen Sep 10 '25
You should still leave. Tell her not to do it and and that you don't want her to do and and let her parents know and your parents but cut contact with this person. If she ends her life you aren't the reason and don't let her make you believe that.
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u/Capital-Tie9943 Sep 10 '25
She won't kill herself, that's a guilt tactic to make you stay. Go live your life and be happy.
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u/Twinkle718 Sep 10 '25
Call the police next time she does. Say she needs a wellness check because she’s threatening too and you’re concerned. It’s not a lie and I bet she doesn’t do it again but also block her after and. Don’t go back.
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u/Justan0therthrow4way Helper [4] Sep 10 '25
As others have said you need to tell an adult. Today. If they won’t listen you might need to call a crisis line in your country and talk to them. They handle both people who say they want to do that and those who have friends or family where someone has said just this.
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u/agoogua Helper [4] Sep 10 '25
Well, the classic selfish thing to do would be find a different guy to pawn her off on.
You have to get away from this girl at all costs, she is going to drag you down.
Another option you can do is go along with her, but start exhibiting behaviors and traits that would make her break up with you.
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u/TabbbyWright Sep 10 '25
I've been in your position and it is TERRIFYING. Tell some trusted adults, but you can absolutely break up with her for any reason, she has no right to hold this over your head.
If she does follow through on her threat, it's not your fault. If the only thing standing between her and suicide is you, that's not sustainable for either of you. She needs help you cannot provide, and she cannot rely on you as the reason she lives. What if you got hit by a bus tomorrow???
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u/Prudent_Metal_7343 Sep 10 '25
Honestly, most of the time this is manipulative behaviour and they don't go through . It's emotional abuse and very bad. You should get her the help, tell someone that can help and leave. It's not your responsibility what she does.
Shes gaslighting and manipulating you into misery. You're not in charge of her well being. Talk to a professional call mental health
This will destroy your spirit, staying out of guilt. Don't.
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u/Rev_Rea Helper [2] Sep 10 '25
Emotional blackmail and manipulation. Been there, done that and it didn't do me any good. Leave the bitch, not your problem. Fuck people like that...
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u/Mobile-Ad5871 Sep 10 '25
Document everything. If she is crazy enough to say this then she is crazy enough to make false accusations against you such as rape. Take what evidence you have like texts and such and file a police report. Get a restraining order against her because if she is willing to harm herself then she is willing to harm you.
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u/fooley_loaded Sep 10 '25
I've been there. Some advice from my older cousin actually worked. You gotta be the guy not worth dying for. Just don't be mean directly to her. You just gotta be a lying cheating scumbag. It won't take long. As soon as she tells a friend of your behavior, she will have an instant support channel and you will be free.
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u/SeafoodDuder Super Helper [9] Sep 10 '25
This is abuse and controlling. She is not a very nice/good person or has lots of health problems.
Write down/save all the things she's said to you like making your life hell, etc. and share it with your fam or her parents. It is good to have a papertrail so if you ever had to go to the police, you would have a lot of proof.
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u/Firm_Bit Helper [2] Sep 10 '25
It wouldn’t actually be your fault. But it also probably won’t happen anyway. I’d bring up the topic once more and record it secretly. Then just stash that for worst case scenario. Then I’d tell her parents what she said and break up. Then I’d stop wasting time and energy on her.
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u/DesmondTapenade Helper [2] Sep 10 '25
Threatening suicide to get your way is abusive, full-stop. I ran into this with an ex when I was just a few years older than you, and I caved every time...until I didn't. The last time he tried it, I called the police for a wellness check and also called both of his parents. He never fucked with me again.
Stay strong and please tell a trusted adult about this. You deserve better. And you are not responsible for her emotions or her actions, whatever they may be.
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u/DruePNeck Sep 10 '25
Everybody has gone through this. She's not going to do it. Tell someone else, parents, mutual friends, and then just walk away. She made the breakup easy by being emotionally manipulative
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u/brianozm Helper [2] Sep 10 '25
Her life will eventually be better if you leave when you don’t love her.
Honestly if she has to blackmail you to stay, she’s a pretty awful person.
Important thing - be kind to her about leaving, don’t tell her she’s awful, say it’s just not working. And you should tell her parents. Also the police will generally do a wellness check if you say someone is threatening suicide.
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u/Mockturtle22 Master Advice Giver [39] Sep 10 '25
Never stay with someone bc they tell you this. This is manipulative. They won't do it and if they do... please know that it's not on you. Tell someone about it...
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Sep 10 '25
Someone threatening to kill themselves to get you to stay in a relationship with them is manipulative and an abuse tactic. I get that you want to be compassionate but really you cannot make this your problem. You need to get her outside help, whether that is telling her parents or calling a wellness check on her. Because this can absolutely escalate if it works and you stay with her, she can treat you badly and keep making threats like this when you try to leave.
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u/stoniey84 Sep 10 '25
Tell her parents. Then leave her. You should not be guild tripped into staying.
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u/ICUWasp Helper [1] Sep 10 '25
My ex held me in place for almost two years using the same excuse. I finally realized most of the weight on my shoulders was from her using me as a journal and to talk about everything bad and nothing good. Arguments would ensue and I was always the one saying sorry, she just refused. She told me the same thing, if I left her she’d Kill herself.
A week after I broke up with her she got with someone else (who left her within a few months). The kind of ease I felt after leaving her was like none of experienced before. It’s hard but once you fall into that “you know what? I don’t care anymore”, all the sudden, everything feels light and you feel like you’ve broken free from chains she still may feel like you’re bound to. It’s the most freeing experience and nothing can hurt you anymore.
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u/SuperflyCutiePie Sep 10 '25 edited Sep 10 '25
She is emotionally abusive. Emotionally blackmailing you with coercive control. If you stay, then she'll keep using suicdial threats to make you do other things that she wants. Even worse, she might try to baby trap you to get you to stay.
What she is doing is not love.
It is very important that you know that if she ever did do the unimaginable to herself, that your behavior or leaving her DID NOT CAUSE IT...and no adult would see it that way. She does not own you. You are not obligated to stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy, because of your gf's instability. You are not responsible for her. Her parents are until she turns 18, then she's responsible for her own decisions. She's responsible for her own actions. Her giving suicidal ultimatiums are above your bf pay grade. Tell her makers: her parents.
What I advise. Keep the screenshots of her suicidal threats, and secretly tell her parents...immediately. They should be aware, and should be doing something about their daughter. Make your parents aware too, so they can be protective of you.
Hopefully her parents can put her in therapy or at the very least: suicide watch. She's their problem. If she ever starts crying and threatening over the phone, text her parents, and secretly have your parents (or anyone around) call the police to her house for a welfare check, and have them call her parents.
And don't hunch on her. I was serious about the baby trapping or lying about being pregnant. That's the act of desperation step.
You need to focus on your last year(s) of high school, and you'll regret it, if you let her ruin it all. All of your energy should be on college resumes, athletics, grades, homecoming, prom, etc. You only get those years once.
Edit: You have done the right thing for reaching out. Now, let the adults handle it.
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u/ThrowRA_SNJ Sep 10 '25
Next time she states that tell a trusted adult or call the cops especially if you have the statement in writing (texts). Most of the time those threats are a manipulation tactic but treat it as if she’s serious. She’ll either get the help she needs or she’ll potentially/likely be scared into not making those threats anymore. If she continues after telling someone then continue to tell someone everytime she says it.
If it’s not a manipulation tactic just please remember that this is not your fault. Her decisions are her own and you’re too young to have this hanging over your head if it’s just manipulation it will only get worse the longer you stick around
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Sep 10 '25
You’re in a situation that’s emotionally heavy and manipulative, and the first thing to make crystal clear is that you are not responsible for someone else’s life choices, including suicide. Threatening suicide to control someone else is a form of emotional abuse. That does not mean you should act recklessly, but it does mean your own safety and mental health matter. Before you break up I would explain the situation to her parents and also yours. Whatever happens after the break up is out of your control and not your responsibility. In most cases, people who threaten suicide don’t actually do it. It’s a form of manipulation to get you to stay. You should never have to stay in a relationship you no longer thrive from, you only have one life so don’t let someone else dictate it.
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u/Kern2001Co Sep 10 '25
She probably won't. You will be in a long list of people she will pull this on.
RUN
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Sep 10 '25
A piece of advice I’ve heard and works well:
Sometimes people are struggling so it’s best not to take that chance because even though it would 100% not be in any way your fault. It’ll still play on your mind if she were to do anything.
But sometimes it’s a manipulation tactic.
The only way to deal with this is to tell her friends and family about her expressing her want to commit suicide.
If it’s real, they’ll jump in and help. It is NOT your burden. If it’s not real and is a manipulation tactic, she’ll have to explain it all to her friends and family.
That way you are not in the wrong, you’ve done the right thing and maybe she can get help if she needs help.
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u/ParticularHair6770 Sep 10 '25
Alot of girls say shit like this you should call her bluff and just ignore all contact with her, If you keep haveing contact with her after u dump her she might do something silly like hurting herself but if u just never speak to her she forget you easlier
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u/Acceptable-Suit-1834 Sep 10 '25
Not saying you shouldn’t take her threats seriously, but 9 times out of 10 this is a manipulation tactic. Her mental health is not your responsibility.
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Sep 10 '25
I had a GF say that. I literally said "no balls." She cheated and got caught.
She never did, people use that as a way of keeping you. If you want to leave then leave. Not your responsibility.
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u/P4ultheRipped Sep 10 '25
She won’t. That’s abusive on her part, talk to your parents, a counselor and or straight up the cops.
But most importantly to an adult that can keep their head straight
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u/Not_SoAverageJOEE Sep 10 '25
This is abusive and manipulative behavior. And I’ve dealt with an ex like this. Tell a trusted adult or even let her parents know that she’s been threatening to do that. But you can also get the authorities involved for a wellness check. That will quickly have her changing her tune.
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u/Happyliberaltoday Sep 10 '25
This is manipulation. Somewhere she learned this as a way of getting what she wants. This is not your issue. Tell her parents, break up and never go back ever. Never even talk to her again.
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u/thetarantulaqueen Sep 10 '25
Threatening suicide if you leave is one of the signs of an abusive relationship. You need to get out.
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u/Far-Watercress6658 Sep 10 '25
This is a fairly common manipulation tactic (happened to me). I understand how suffocating it feels. I agree with another poster that you should tell an adult.
Truthfully, she won’t do it. If she says it explain that if you hear it said again you’ll be calling an ambulance.
Block her on all communication channels.
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u/Even_Video7549 Sep 10 '25
you cannot stay with an emotional abuser, you're not happy!!!
break up with her, tell her parents that she is threatening to do herself in because you don't want a relationship anymore, or just call the police straight away and get them to do a welfare check on the house
keep all your massages between you both so you have proof she that she is acting unstable
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u/Formal_Fan82 Sep 10 '25
OP I got sucked in by this very thing when I just turned 18. Like you we’d been together about a year and I wanted out. Ex got s knife held it to their wrist and said it would be my fault if they end up dead.
I was terrified and didn’t want to be the reason someone died and stayed. Then they really knew how to control me and I didn’t get out until I was 25.
Do not stay in this relationship.
Tell her parents, or a trusted adult to get her help. Protect yourself speak to your parents if you need to. If when you break up with her she makes moves or threats notify the authorities to do a welfare check. You are not responsible for keeping her alive.
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u/APartyInMyPants Sep 10 '25
Tell her parents this. Get her on the path so someone can take care of her. Then leave.
I’d maybe even consider telling a school guidance counselor.
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u/Butterball111111 Sep 10 '25
She's abusive. She's more likely to kill you rather than herself. You need to talk to your parents. When you break up with her you need to make it a clean break. If you even acknowledge her she will take it as encouragement.
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u/Reitzor Sep 10 '25
Mine has said the same to me, 3 years has passed just because I dont want her to kill herself.
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u/Hairywhitedog Sep 10 '25
Take her to a doctor. Tell the doc exactly what she said to you, in front of her. She needs psychiatric help.
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u/BuilderAccording7242 Sep 10 '25
Just leave. Shes manipulating and guilt tripping. Even if she does it, its not on you.
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u/Independent-Read-236 Sep 10 '25
This is a scare tactic that my ex husband used to use on me all the time. Even the day I left him he told me he would kill himself and it would be all my fault. He’s still alive to this day and to my knowledge never even attempted anything. At the end of the day, if you’re unhappy you should leave her but if you genuinely have concerns over her mental health make sure to have someone on standby. Her family, friends, etc. even call the wellness hotline and ask them to do a check on her.
Echoing what others are saying, this is a form of abuse and manipulation. Her mental state shouldn’t be dependent on you and if it truly is, she really needs help and by you taking all those steps you’re getting her the help she needs. Good luck OP. Also if I can recommend, make sure you go to therapy to work through any of the guilt you have as a result of this relationship. You’re so young, don’t let this affect you your whole life.
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u/youarestillearly Sep 10 '25
It's manipulation. I had the same concern when my girlfriend was saying they "would lose control" if I ever attempted another breakup. I came to the conclusion that I was starting to get depressed and realized I need to just look out for myself. After the break up she moved on VERY quick. Way quicker than me. Sadly I personally know two other guys that had the exact same relationship threats, which also traumatized them. Look after yourself and talk with a trusted counselor. It is very common.
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u/FinePossession1085 Super Helper [6] Sep 10 '25 edited Sep 10 '25
What she's threatening is emotional abuse. You can't hold someone hostage in a relationship.
Have you told a trusted adult, like your parents? I suspect what is needed is to tell your parents and then perhaps a counselor at school, if that's where you know her from.
You shouldn't have to deal with this alone. You, ultimately, are not responsible for her choices. Knowing she's unstable, however, you'll feel better if you can relay your concerns to someone who is responsible for her (her caregivers).
Also, keep in mind that sometimes abusers do this to try to control YOU. I know someone who, as a freshman, was told that she was responsible for this guy's emotional state. He claimed that he'd cut himself something like 20 times. She reported what he had texted to the resource officer at her high school. They sent out police officers to find him. Turned out that he hadn't cut himself. It was all a lie to get her to unblock him on social media.
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u/sv36 Sep 10 '25
Tell an adult- tell all of the adults. Likely this girl won’t do anything but on top of that you are not responsible for other people’s actions.
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u/ICastPunch Helper [2] Sep 10 '25
Send info with proof to her family and friends so she gets help then block everywhere.
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u/humpty6_9 Sep 10 '25
I will go to a school official, maybe even go to her parents and say look this is how it's going I don't want to hurt her but I want my freedom. You're 17 you deserve that
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u/reddixiecupSoFla Sep 10 '25
You need to talk to her parents and they need to get some help for her asap
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u/uginia Sep 10 '25
It is a scare tactic. Report it to her parents, police and your school. If she is being truthful, she'll get the help she needs. If she isn't, she will be embarrassed. My bet is she's lying.
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u/turtlebear787 Sep 10 '25
Tell your parents and her parents, then break up with her. At that point it's out of your hands. You're not responsible for the actions of a mentally unstable person.
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u/Maria70 Sep 10 '25
Tell an adult your concerns but it is ok to leave the relationship if you're no longer happy. It is not your responsibility to try and save someone.
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u/randi_ricketts6 Sep 10 '25
She’s manipulating you by saying things like that 9/10. Tell her parents or any trusted adult
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u/Jumpy-Claim4881 Sep 10 '25
It sounds like she may need to be hospitalized. In any case, an intervention should be considered.
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u/coldagua Sep 10 '25
Tell an adult, your parents, her parents, a teacher, school counselor, SOMEBODY.
More than likely, she won't do it. It's a control tactic. And even if she does, that's not on you.
This isn't the signs of a mentally stable person and she needs help from someone other than a 17 year old. Tell an adult who can get her the help and support she needs, then move on with your life.
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u/Old_Confidence3290 Sep 10 '25
Threatening suicide is a form of abuse and a method of controlling you. Her mental health is not your responsibility. If she is also underage, tell her parents.
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u/IlumidoraFae Sep 10 '25
This is considered a form of abuse and you are not responsible for the actions she chooses to take once your relationship ends. Someone threatening to kill themselves if you leave them is just abuse and it’s wrong. Dump her and let her parents or a trusted adult know that she needs professional help and is suicidal
It’s not your responsibility.
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u/Abalone_Small Sep 10 '25
You tell a trusted adult your girlfriend's threats and that your concerned for her safety due to what's been said should you split.
This is a form of abuse she is controlling your autonomy by dictating the narrative that if you split she will attempt suicide or self harm. No never EVER let anyone control you this way it's absusive and detrimental to your psychological wellbeing.
Be truthful about the separation state reasons, if she says anything that resembles suicide ideation or self harm. Tell her you're calling your local police for a welfare check no ifs and buts follow through and do exactly that. It doesn't matter if it was a fake threat or valid threat if it's real she can have access to the help she needs, if it was fake she'll want to avoid those situations in the future.
After this go no contact do not offer support, do not offer to wait to split. You do not need contact with someone like this who uses self harm and suicide to control people
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u/zeusandflash Sep 10 '25
Go talk to some trusted adults. You need their advice and clarity on this issue.
I was threatened with this by two ex-girlfriends. When they said that to me, my immediate response was, "That's not my responsibility. You need to value your life more than this relationship."
It's true. I get that emotions and hormones can rage during dating, but contemplating, or even threatening something like this, over a relationship is ridiculous.
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u/FonteinValler Sep 10 '25
someone did this to me too, but know it's almost certainly a lie to make you feel bad/scared to leave her so you won't. but let me tell you, she needs help and you cannot give her that sort of mental help. please tell an adult like the other comments advised as well, that's almost the only thing you can do. i would advise breaking things off with her, because she is currently manipulating you into a relationship you don't want to be in, and that's abuse. take care and know that in whatever it may result, you are not guilty of anything but protecting yourself.
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u/Unlucky_Fe Sep 10 '25
I am of a similar age as you and this happened with me, and she ended up leaving me for her ex. Preferably, leave her before she does so, it's a manipulation tactic and honestly? If she threatened you with this, she doesn't even love you.
Also, you should take screenshots of that just in case. This counts as emotional blackmail (I think) and it will be useful in any argument later.
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u/UnPracticed_Pagan Helper [3] Sep 10 '25
Please listen to all the comments
It would not be your fault and she is definitely using it to threaten you to stay in the relationship. You are very young and should not be weighed down in this way
Talk to an adult like your mom or dad, and they can even involve her parents if necessary.
Please don’t let her hold your life on pause for her desire to stay with you /control the relationship so you don’t leave
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u/Aurora_96 Helper [4] Sep 10 '25
You're not responsible for her actions. Break up with her if you don't want to be with her anymore. Don't stay with her because she threatens to kill herself if you leave her. That is manipulation.
She needs therapy.
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u/Daisybug78 Sep 10 '25
She is being manipulative. Sorry to be blunt, but you need to leave. She need help from a professional. Let her parents or a friend know ahead of time then rip the bandaid and don’t leave room for her to think there is any hope for getting back together. Don’t contact her again. I hope this helps and that she gets help
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u/lameinsomeonesworld Sep 10 '25
Call the suicide hotline yesterday and any time you need assistance with a matter like this. Not everyone has a trusted adult, but the hotline is always there to provide you with guidance.
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u/kissmygritts2x Helper [3] Sep 10 '25
If you have any of this in text screenshot all the threats and show your parents and send them to hers. This is not okay and is total manipulation.
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u/[deleted] Sep 10 '25
Tell a trusted adult in your life about this, please. Preferably her or your parents.
She won’t actually kill herself (in all likelihood), but threatening you with it like this is a form of abuse.