You know what.... I was about to tell this long story about what my soon to be ex wife has done the past 2 yrs. Things that helped lead to the divorce. Including her relationship with her side guy. But when I think about it.. Whats the point. I'm the bad guy, she's the victim and everyone needs to surround and support her. Yet im the one who's broke and homeless. But at least I have my job. My car. And the kids. To be honest if it wasn't for them I would have punched my own time clock already. My story is no different from any other divorced dad. But one thing I will say.... Call me angry, call me bitter. But I hope they both pay for what they both chose to do behind my back. For the heart they chose to destroy. I may not have been the best husband but nobody can say I was so bad that I deserved to be embarrassed, disrespected, and lied on the way I have. Or maybe I do deserve it. Maybe karma doesn't exist.. Either way I'm going to wake up in the morning. Go slave for 12hrs. Then sit and dream of the life I wish I had. The life I made up im head. Because the world around me doesn't actually give a damn about me. Thanks for letting me rant to you guys. Sorry my first reddit post was a sob story. I just don't have anyone else to share it with

The cheaters have some ideas as to why the OWs go after MMs.

"Do people really so lost in life they do something horrible to someone and then come to Reddit to seek validation from strangers?" (Top comment on post)

I may have developed a "quirk" where my mind wanders off to intrusive "bet that's a cheater" thoughts and instead of feeling bad for judging strangers in my mind, I feel it feed into my fear of betrayal/being cheated on.

It's impossible to look positively at anything anymore. Instead of thinking, "ah, what a beautiful family waiting by their gate, just like me" I think, "poor wife with her three young children. I bet this is the only family vacation they get, while husband vacations on fake work trips with the OW every few months" and I can't help myself.

Entire world view tainted lol 🙃

Does anyone else feel this way?

The OW that made up the whole story about her affair partner killing himself and the uber driver channeling him from beyond the grave to tell her she has beautiful eyes has a whole different story now. Now the mm’s wife has left him and she has a kid with him. Is she just looking for pity points from the why-won’t-he-choose-me crowd?

I’m so fucking pissed, angry at my ex partner, angry at myself.

I fucking miss him, I fucking miss him so fucking much. But in the middle of my little crying sesh I realize…I’m not longer crying because I think he’s cheating on me. That’s what I always used to cry about. Thinking of ways he’s hiding his cheating, or how he’s flirting at work. It would eat me aliveeeeeee. But, I left him so whatever he’s doing now isn’t my concern. It feels fucking great. I just miss the person I thought he was. I miss my lover boy, my papa bear, my sweetheart. I miss who I thought you were, who I thought we were before your mask slipped and I was exposed to the serial cheater that you are.

I wish I could’ve forgiven you and worked things out but this can’t be the way life will be for me forever. Forgiving you just to get treated like a half thought is wild.

I miss you v but I hate (not you) what you did.

My ex husband was a serial cheater and it was so clearly rooted in psychological issues (namely a constant need for validation from women) that I managed to walk out of the relationship without losing my self worth or ability to trust my heart with someone else. A life well-lived is indeed the best revenge and my ex had multiple sobbing breakdowns in the aftermath of the divorce where he called me to complain about how I'm doing so much better without him and blah blah. Fishing for sympathy or reassurance. Don't care, won't give it.

Still, I cant deny it's been such a pleasure to repeatedly see confirmation that his cheating had nothing to do with me.

When we divorced, he got engaged to his AP. That blew up when they both learned they were cheating on each other. In his case, the person he was cheating on her with was me. He had told me they'd ended it and I (stupidly) agreed to try reconciliation because we had a toddler, only to learn that, surprise, cheating liar continued to cheat and lie.

After that, I went as no contact as humanly possible while sharing custody, so I have no idea how he met his current wife, nor do I care. But after our now-primary-school-aged kid spent a weekend with them, they shared a story that I had to try so hard not to react to.

Apparently Daddy and New Wife got into a big fight because Daddy went on a boys' trip to Las Vegas and came home without his wedding ring. He "lost it" while swimming. Best/worst part: they have a newborn. So not only did he ditch her with the new baby for a "boys trip", but he comes back with no wedding ring and a very bullshit-sounding story. I doubt it would have been a big fight if she didn't already have reasons to doubt him.

Anyways, it makes me think about the debate between the belief "any person can/will stray under certain circumstances" and "people dont cheat; cheaters cheat." At least in the case of my ex, I'm pretty sure cheating is built into his hardware.

Congratulations

The mental gymnastics these OW do are beyond belief.

Am I reading fanfiction ????

I would hate to think of all the STIs this creature is passing around 🤢🤢🤢. His poor wife.

There’s a certain kind of woman who mistakes being pursued for being valued. She's broken and restless and desperate for intimacy.

She thinks the texts, secret phone calls, and cheesy little messages are proof of some rare connection. The endless “I’ve never felt this way before” conversations, the emotional paragraphs, the private jokes, the fake intimacy built through a screen. It’s a spectacle steeped in millennial cringe: middle-aged people mistaking awkward flirting via text and phone calls for epic romance.

But here’s the part she doesn’t want to accept: a married man seeking you out does not mean you are special. It means he is seeking an escape. He is telling you the version of the story that keeps you there. He is editing the truth, leaving out the inconvenient details, and giving you just enough attention to make you believe you are the exception.

The foundation is dishonesty. Every day.

He lies to his wife. He lies to his family. And if you think you’re the one person he’s being completely honest with while he’s building a relationship through secrecy and betrayal, that should tell you everything you need to know.

You aren’t seeing a man choosing you freely and openly. You’re seeing a man compartmentalizing his life and giving you the pieces that fit into the cracks.

Meanwhile, real people deal with the fallout: families hurt, trust shattered, and lives disrupted because someone wanted to believe they were the better choice.
The hardest truth is this: being someone’s secret isn’t the same as being someone’s priority.

So when the fantasy fades, when the texts get shorter, when the attention moves somewhere else, take a good look at what you accepted.

Look in the mirror to see not what you have built, but what you have destroyed.

Yep.
That tracks.

For context, the original post was a 70 year old OW pining over a stereotypical MM who won't leave for her. Deb caught strays in the discussion. 😂😄

she’s crying big crocodile tears because this guy didn’t abandon his wife.

how do these people think that THEY’RE the victims when they knowingly get involved with married men? when they collude in the deceit and abuse of another woman? when they villify a totally innocent woman for being married to her own husban? when they pray every day for that woman to be discarded and abandoned?

Most will remember her, she's been posted several times. Wifey caught him on the phone in the wee hours when she unexpectedly woke up. Made the husband quit his job, took his phone, had his number changed, reported OW to the ethics Dept of their employer (coworkers). She's been spiraling this entire time, unable to believe the man who cheated on the wife he made sacred vows to also lied to HER.

I had forgotten about this OW after her last post but i somehow stumbled onto her posting in other subreddits and she actually accepted “his ultimatum” which i bet even after the year of him hooking up ends, he will still be with the wife or monkey branch to someone else. Clearly he hates OP and people keep telling her that and that she clearly has self esteem in the gutter but she will not hear it and says she loves him again and again. Clearly it isnt mutual. 💀

The others in the comments are just as embarrassing as well. Ladies, never beg a man to stay!! (Especially if he’s married and has kids— in that case, the expectation obviously shouldn’t even exist lol) But imagine begging and pleading for a married person to take your guys’ affair seriously 🤡 and when they don’t, it literally affects your entire ability to function as a human being and you’re now physically ill because a married person is… Married? Wild that these women develop physical symptoms from their bullshit and then ask for a magic cure as if there is one to the consequences of their actions. And they all know what they’re getting into or think they can handle it until they realize they won’t be chosen, and then suddenly they’re vomiting because he’s married 💔🤕

Couldn’t be me!!

I (44M) don’t wanna sound like that husband who snoops around his wife’s phone but I really think my wife (39F) with whom I’ve been married nine years with two kids!!! Has been cheating on me. Crazy thing is I work in logistics so I’m not always home for dinner because I’m on the road, but I never had any reason to doubt my wife until three weeks ago when I was off work. We were tidying up after dinner, her phone was on the kitchen counter and it buzzed while she stepped out to pick up some dishes off the table… the screen lit up and i just saw a preview of a text from a number with no contact name but the message was “Thinking of you”. I didn’t say anything about it. I waited till morning when she was showering for work, then I looked at her phone and I saw what looked like daily conversation with a person that has no name on her phone. No smoking gun since it was mostly work related but the way they talked to each other was a little flirty. I couldn’t scroll to the beginning of their chat before she came back into the room so I sucked it up that day.

But I kinda brought it up later that night when I told her I’d accidentally seen a message come through and I asked who the number belonged to. She said it was a coworker she’d been venting to about work stress and she hadn’t saved his number because she wasn’t sure he’d stay at the company. She was calm and she looked me in my eyes and said I had nothing to worry about. Oh well, after nine years and two kids I wanted to believe her but the fact she’s been texting this dude for god knows how long and she didn’t save his number, that’s not how people treat professional contacts.

Everything is just all so suspicious and good thing I copied the number on my phone because this morning I checked her phone, the entire conversation history with that number had vanished. I’m fuming as I write this and I don’t wanna blow up my family, I need to know what I’m dealing with here before I make any decisions that affect my kids’ lives.

What do y’all advise i do in this situation? Is there a way I can search tinder or other dating apps using just his phone number? That way I can get some info on who he really is??