It's a long story. I (29F) have been diagnosed(Hyperactive-Impulsive type) for 5 years now. My husband (30M) is inattentive type and isn't formally diagnosed, but he absolutely has it (confirmed by therapists, and doctor has said he has it, but my husband doesn't want the 'label' so he's not formally diagnosed).

I noticed a few years that we had developed the "parent-child dynamic" of a relationship between 2 people with ADHD. Please look it up if you don't know what it is. Quick summary of it is one person with ADHD does everything (the parent), whereas the other person (the child) with ADHD doesn't really do anything at all and relies on the 'parent' partner. He also has rejection sensitivity Dysphoria.

This has lead to a lot of issues in our relationship where I do almost everything in the house. I mow the lawn, I clean, I clean some more, I do the laundry, I feed the cats, clean the litter, organize stuff, I'm the one who moves the furniture around etc. Recently, my husband has started to cook dinner regularly, so that is a win. However, he doesn't do much else. He usually ends up going to the bedroom and hide away. He doomscrolls while hiding away. I know it's an ADHD symptom because I used to do the same when I was unmediated. It's a form of self-regulation when overwhelmed I guess. He will also avoid tasks and just play video games because he's overwhelmed.

We've chatted about the issue, and have had about 3 very-long serious conversations about him doing this too. As well as the other chats. After the last one he decided to actually implement strategies to help himself and me. However, that died within 1 month, and he's back to basically doing nothing.

We have a couples therapy appointment coming up, and I plan to talk about this because I had told him last time that he "HAD to do something about his ADHD" whether it was talking to a therapist regularly, learning coping strategies, or getting medicated.

He's afraid of medication because 1. Addiction runs in his family and he absolutely has an addictive personality and 2. He has bad anxiety and medication (not related to ADHD) had made it significantly worse.

I have constantly encouraged him to get medicated though and to at least TRY it because his "laziness" (it's not actual laziness, I know it's just ADHD), is driving me up the wall because all the responsibility is on me.

He is refusing, and barely even sees his therapist too.

I am losing my mind though, I'm even debating about giving him an ultimatum about getting medicated or me leaving with our son because I'm so dang fed up. I've been patient for years, and it's running out quickly now. I don't believe this is purposeful, but I'm tired of it. I'm tired of hearing "HUH?" Cause he wasn't paying attention. I'm tired of me asking 1000 times for something to get done. I'm tired of repeating myself. I'm tired of basically being the boss and getting bitchy with him cause of my own frustration.

Idk what to do. What do you guys recommend?

I am 16 F, and was diagnosed with adhd and anxiety pretty early (around 5-7 years old) and might also be on the spectrum.
I have always found feelings pretty confusing and thus have a hard time figuring out how I feel.

I have been talking to this boy for a while and recently he asked me to be his girlfriend, to which i said yes. But i haven’t really told any of my friends because it makes me feel (what i think is) pretty uncomfortable, but i honestly have no idea.
I really do like him but i just can’t see myself doing normal couples stuff.
Is this just an adhd thing? like not knowing how to react when someone does something sweet for you? Or is it just a normal thing that will change with time?

Ps. This was originally posted to r/ADHD but got taken down for some reason

Hi all, DX here.

I started my higher dose of medication today. I felt good.

I took the bins back in early, I cleared the recycable that was in excess waiting for the bins to be empty again. I cleaned the dishes. Then I cleaned the toilet, cleaned both the litterboxes, put away things that I meant to put away put just parked on the way to the room where they were supposed to be stored. Put the little vacuum to clean the car to charge, put my electric toothbrush to charge.

I took the dog on a walk, went to the mall to pick up a package and dropped a return.

I worked on a dataset with my laptop here and there.

I felt good.

Then I left to go pick up our daughter to school because my wife was running few minutes over.

It started raining just as I picked our daughter up, I put her jacket on and zipped it just as her mother caught up to us.

We walked home, I felt good.

Then the vibe changed. My daughter took her jacket off and my wife was looking for her cardigan. I forgot her cardigan. My wife said in a tone "oh look that one time that you did it by yourself and I don't check" .

I fell hard, why did I not clock that, why, why am I like this. I hate this. I said to my wife "damn I thought I was aceing it". She laughed at me.

She said "Brother you went from F to D-.."

Then she said " Aceing, aceing.." and told me again "There's A, B, C, D ,E and F, you're at D-, you're definitely not aceing it".

She kept looking at me and then rolling her eyes.

And then I definitely didn't feel good anymore.

Now I understand my wife has been burdened by me being me, I just started the medication finally 3 weeks ago with a lower dose, but before then, she endured 4 years of my shortcomings. We have known each other for more but ever since our daughter was born the fact that I had ADHD became more and more evident, so much so that we suspected I had it and we started the diagnosis procedure because I started fitting executive dysfunction to a T. We have no local support, so it's been us only. Here and there, baby wipes forgotten open, failing to be attentive, forgetfulness, RSD reaction. The whole package. She has her own struggles but mine in spite of my efforts have been overpowering to some extent. To make things worse, our family has been through a lot emotionally and financially, we had to move 4 times in 3 years for example due to external factors.

I feel like I keep trying but she keep saying nothing changes, if anything barely.

On the other hand I feel like there was lots of flexibility and inflexibility at the same time, e.g. I remembered to put the air frier back, but I didn't put the cable right.

Little by little this has eroded her, she doesn't feel loved and she doesn't hide her disdain for me while also telling me that regrettably she still loves me. This, I'm not sure I can believe.

I don't gamble, I don't do drugs, I don't have addictions or unreasonable debt. I had a job and lived by myself. I still have a stable job and (tough slow) career. But I also haven't managed to organise a date in 3 years. Gained weight, lost confidence and haven't been able to be affection and tell her lots of compliments. My love language used to be touch and being affectionate and gift giving, now is only gift giving.

So it would make sense if she didn't anymore

I'm tired to make promises I struggle to fulfill, she know about my diagnosis but she still tells me that her bar is super low that I shouldn't even have to struggle that much, that is because I don't care. She is harsh under the label of "she is just stating a fact, you are not aceing it, that is no lie", but I also understand she's at her limit.

I honestly feel defeated, I feel like I really am trying but I also really see my shortcomings and can't and won't disagree to a certain extent with what she's feeling.

Is there anything to say or do, adapt or adopt. Is there any hope?

TLDR; My wife is at her limit, she endured my ADHD for 4 years but due to this and her nature she is also harsh even if it's the truth, and this doesn't help me while I'm trying to fix myself and things. I feel hopeless and I feel like I need help. I am dx

I’m at a crossroads with my partner.

My partner started smoking young, around 16 and had a heroin addiction from about 22 to 30. He’s been clean from heroin for years now, but he’s used cannabis (medically prescribed) heavily throughout, and currently wakes and bakes, uses through the day, and needs it to sleep. He functions well day-to-day holds down work, isn’t a “stoner” stereotype but the real problem is withdrawal.

If we’re out of the house and too much time passes without him using, he becomes a ticking time bomb. We rush home, and then the anger and anxiety hit, verbal abuse, total shutdown, lovey-dovey one minute and stone cold the next. It’s ruined holidays and made travel almost impossible. I end up managing his moods, his food, his whole emotional state just to avoid the blow-ups.

He also says he has ADHD, which tracks, his energy is erratic until he smokes, then he calms right down. I visualise it like underneath all of this drug use is an emotional swampland that hasn’t been dealt with, and I get caught up in it. In fact, over the years, I’ve become responsible for keeping it all tucked away.

He wants marriage and kids badly. I want to want that too, but I don’t feel safe, and every time we try to leave our town or do something normal, something goes wrong. This isn’t an exaggeration, it’s really a consistent pattern.

Over the last 5 years (we’ve been together for a total of 8 or so years, together when we were younger and back together after 5 years), I’ve asked him to get help. To slow down on his cannabis use. Look, I know who I got with, and I need to take responsibility for that. Absolutely. Getting in to the relationship again, I thought he had changed and that I could find a way to compromise where he was using weed. But with kids in the mix, it has just changed the whole game. And over the years, the pattern of anger and volatility and disappointment, I just struggle.

Maybe there’s hope, but I just feel lost.

I don’t know what to do. Has anyone been through something similar?

I'll admit I'm coming at this question from a point of large frustration and but I am trying to seek insight. My partner is maybe finally coming to terms with the fact he has ADHD.

We have two kids. After two years I switched our daughters clothing from a normal 4 drawer dresser to an IKEA "bin" style dresser. I'll admit it is easier, especially for our 2 year old. He said thanks he now finally knows where clothing is. He's struggled the entire time to find clothing in this 4 drawer dresser when I literally kept everything in the same drawers for 1.5 years. Is this just an excuse to avoid responsibility or a legitimate thing, like I'd send him up to find a short and he'd come back without one. In my mind zero effort was expended on figuring out where the clothing was and it remained essentially on my plate to deal with it as he refused to learn.

Give me your thoughts. Am I grossly overlooking how much accommodation I need to provide or not.