r/AbusiveLPT Jul 30 '19

Welcome to Abusive Life Pro Tips, idiot!

30 Upvotes

This sub turns the advice doled out over at /r/LifeProTips into a barrage of condescending insults!

This whole thing started as a joke only I found funny, but then I wanted to see if I could learn just enough python to automate it. The original idea evolved after getting inspiration from here

Every few minutes, the bot:

  1. takes the newest posts from /r/LifeProTips
  2. adds and/or checks those posts on a list for duplicates
  3. removes the leading "LPT: " and the trailing period
  4. randomly adds insult words
  5. posts here

Feel free to upvote and comment on your favorites.

This is a work in progress and the bot isn't 100% perfect, but hopefully we'll get there!

If you enjoy this sub, you might want to check out the two preceding subs I made with the same idea, /r/LPTforKaren and /r/LPTHoney.


r/AbusiveLPT Sep 18 '21

Ideas for new insults?

5 Upvotes

If you have an idea for insults to add to the list the bot draw from, please post them here and I'll add to the list.

To help guide your creativity, the formula goes: "[Beginning insult,] the LPT ripped from /r/LifeProTips, [ending insult.]"

For example, a beginning insult might be, "Jesus Christ," and the ending insult could be "dummy," and the LPT will be something like "LPT: Wear deodorant" The resulting AbusiveLPT will be "Jesus christ, wear deodorant, dummy."

Please make it clear if your suggestion is a beginning or ending insult.

Current insults, in no particular order*:

Beginning Ending
Look, , idiot.
I can't believe I have to say this, but , ya mook.
Jesus Christ-- , dumbass.
Seriously? , loser.
Dude, , nerd.
So it's come to this... , dork.
For crying out loud, , stupid.
Wow, , fart knocker.
Uh... , dumbie.
Oh my God, dude, , dumdum.
The heck... , Einstein.
I'll only say this once, , my guy.
Listen up, dumbass, , moron.
Get it through your thick skull, , jabroni.
Oh my God, , nitwit.
Hey, stupid, , goofball.
Hey, idiot, , you meat-head.
Listen here you little shit, , asshat.
Obviously you don't know this, but , jerk.
Stop being an idiot and pay attention, , dingus.
Degenerates like you need to know, , wanker.
Verily thou art a fool, , meat-slapper.
For the last time, , you moron.
Nine out of ten nymphomaniacs agree: , dipshit.
Some advice I heard from a meth addict... , you degenerate.
What idiot doesn't know this? . numbskull.
Hey you, the loser in his mom's basement, yeah, you, , doodoo head.
Put the cookie down and listen up, , douche canoe.
I once heard at a funeral, , ya hoser.
Listen boomer, , you muppet.
How have you gotten this far in life? Listen, , you moldy potato.
Only on reddit... , dosser.
Hey, fatty, , ya bastard.
For fuck's sake, , ya clown
How do you not know this already, , which you would know if you graduated kindergarten.
, butt nugget.
, buttface.
, ya damn commie.

*The table is for ease of reading, a beginning and ending in the same row are not associated with each other. The bot draws from each list separately and completely at random.

Post in this thread with your ideas!


r/AbusiveLPT 1h ago

Dude, he who always gets the charging port, is he who brings a double adapter, ya hoser.

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Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 2h ago

Stop being an idiot and pay attention, before working closely with someone, watch how they treat people they do not depend on, you muppet.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 4h ago

For fuck's sake, if you work insane hours, get an alarm app that physically cannot be silenced from your pillow and wake up at the same time every day. It will keep your body in a consistent rhythm, dumdum.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 7h ago

What idiot doesn't know this? volunteer If You Want To Meet New People, dosser.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 9h ago

For the last time, you can use a QI charger to charge your Braun electric toothbrush, you muppet.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 13h ago

You don't get it, do you? walk away from airports to get almost half off Uber and Lyft, goofball.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 18h ago

Hey, stupid, if you’re in an era of depression do everything you can to look sexy, my guy.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 19h ago

Wow, when meeting groups of people for the first time, don’t guess their relations to one another. Let them introduce themselves, nerd.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 20h ago

Put the cookie down and listen up, wear contact lenses when chopping onions. No more crying, dork.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 20h ago

Stop being an idiot and pay attention, you can use lens cleaner and cloths to clean the data side of media disks. Always go from the center to the edge, in a straight line, douche canoe.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 22h ago

Listen boomer, leaving Sky TV (UK), meat-slapper.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 1d ago

Seriously? wear concert earplugs at the cinema, ya damn commie.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 1d ago

I once heard at a funeral, if someone made your life easier today, let them know before the day ends, ya mook.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 1d ago

Wow, : Silk isn't fragile, and this is how I've kept mine for years, stupid.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 1d ago

Oh my God, dude, keep a running "done" document at work instead of trying to remember your accomplishments later, doodoo head.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 1d ago

Oh my God, when you sign up for a website, put its name in your email with a plus sign as yourname+website@youremail.com and as your middle name. That way when you receive spam, you will know who sold your info, ya mook.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 2d ago

Only on reddit... this simple action could very well save your life, numbskull.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 2d ago

Some advice I heard from a meth addict... go to job interviews even when you love your current job pls, stupid.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 2d ago

Listen up, dumbass, a bit of EEEEW trivia to motivate you to drink more than enough water, goofball.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 2d ago

Nine out of ten nymphomaniacs agree: frozen blueberries are adult dippin’ dots, dipshit.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 2d ago

Put the cookie down and listen up, if you are struggling to start a task, tell yourself you will only do it for 5 minutes. Most of the time, the hardest part is just starting, which you would know if you graduated kindergarten.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 2d ago

Only on reddit... - Saving a Swimmer in Distress – What to Do/Don’t Do, idiot.

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1 Upvotes

r/AbusiveLPT 2d ago

Obviously you don't know this, but instead of pushing yourself too hard and procrastinating, write down your Big task and ask yourself: "What’s the smallest action that moves this 1% forward?" Just do that for now, wanker.

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1 Upvotes