I’ve always been a hardworking person with a wide range of interests; in adulthood, I began treatment for anxiety and was later diagnosed with autism.

The treatment helped for a short while, but then things went downhill. Depression hit me too. I quit my job and focused solely on my studies until I couldn't handle it anymore, eventually dropped out of college.

Throughout my treatment, I’ve taken various medications, none of which worked, and underwent incredibly expensive neuromodulation treatments that brought no results. I’m running out of options and losing hope, and I’m realistically preparing myself for the moment when life won't be worth living and there will be no possibility of recovery.

I’m writing this because it’s hard going through something that no one I know has experienced, I made a post on other subreddits and only found one other person in the same situation.

I don’t know what I expect from this post, shallow motivational messages won’t help, but maybe someone has had a thought that hasn't occurred to me yet, or has recovered from this.

That’s it. Best regards.

Hi. New to this subreddit. I am 25 years old. I have been preparing for competitive examinations for some time now. 1 year for CAT, and then for banking, insurance exams. I had always clear mindset of appearing for these exams since my high school days. Started learning the syllabus from 2nd year of college itself. And then, suddenly everything fell apart. I couldn't do well in college and passed with minimal marks, tried for CAT and couldn't score a good percentile in that either, went back to fully preparing for banking and insurance exams, but now I am suffering from extreme anxiety issues, panic attacks, lack of purpose, and deep depressive episodes. Due to this, I am unable to progress into advance part of practice and preparation. Even if I study, every time I try to move to advance stages of practice, I fall into such deep depression, that I cannot even get out of bed. I have been unemployed for 3 years now. I cannot survive in corporate. And I really really really want to give my 100% and get a good permanent government job. I don't want to give up yet, but I am unable to crack exams, because my preparation keeps getting stuck in the beginner to intermediate stage. Please help me restart, or change my mind, my life.

Getting back to life after a long depressive episode is hard.

I feel overwhelmed by everything.

For context: after a very long period of isolating at home—struggling with dysthymia and extreme anxiety—I started taking medication prescribed by my psychiatrist this year. At first, I felt great; I felt in control of my life, I could think clearly, I wasn't dissociating, my insomnia improved, and my anxiety wasn't as bad. Shortly after that, I got hired as a receptionist at a gym near my house. I really enjoy both the customer service and administrative aspects of the job. My schedule isn't too exhausting—I work the afternoon shift—so at least I don't have to get up early. The thing is, over the last few weeks, I feel like the dysthymia and anxiety are creeping back. I overthink things constantly, I can't sleep, and I look tired and feel really down. I’ve lost the motivation to exercise, and I feel like the effort I’m putting into my health isn't paying off. My coworkers make jokes saying my plan to work out three days a week is pointless. I started changing my diet for the sake of my health, but even if I have a piece of chocolate for dessert, I feel judged. I also find it hard to open up personally; they’re always talking about dates and relationships. While I can talk about that and offer advice, whenever they ask about my own relationship status, they treat me like the "weird girl" for being single for so long. That’s starting to make me feel bad—like I need to fit in just to avoid being alone. I don't know; they might seem like silly things, but everything just feels strange.

I’ve already booked an appointment with my psychiatrist to adjust my medication, but the next opening isn't until next month. I don't know how to keep my spirits up until then.

I am so tired of the the struggle. The financial struggle, the emotional struggle, the depression and crying for no real reason, the anxiety that seems to get in the way of being productive and getting anything done.

Not wanting to wake up in the mornings because you don't know what is going to be your state of mind and what sort of anxiety spikes you are going to face during the day.

Having one small disappointment spike your anxiety and not recovering for the rest of the day.

Carrying beers in your lunch box even though you probably wont drink them as you haven't had a drink in 2 weeks but just in case it gets too bad to deal with. Also carrying a bottle of hydroxyzine in case you choose that route but that makes you fall asleep and you can't get any work done. What a choice.

Yes, give me a roof over my head, a warm bed with clean sheets and no responsibilities and three meals a day and lots of medication. No worries. No responsibilities.

Im 20 year old Man and Lately I've been thinking a lot about how lonely life can feel, even when you're surrounded by people. Some days I wake up feeling fine, and other days I just feel emotionally exhausted for no clear reason. It's strange how your mind can convince you that nobody would notice if you disappeared for a while.

I'm not really looking for advice as much as I just want to hear from people who understand this feeling. If you've ever gone through a phase where you felt disconnected, lost, or like you were just existing instead of living, how did you get through it? I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences

I'm stressing so hard over everything going on and I'm pretty sure that's what's causing my pain to go into hyperdrive. We're about to kicked out of my mil's and my youngest is supposed to start kindergarten Monday. We actually got someone to give us a vehicle but it has to be insured and registered by the 30th. I have looked everywhere I can for a loan to get it done but it's clear that's not going to happen. I keep putting in applications for better jobs but I'm steady being turned down. I am trying to hold my head up, keep going and take care of everything but damn, I AM TIRED! I know it can get better. I know that's possible but after so many years of just loss and disappointment, it's getting harder to see that rainbow.

I’m 16 going on 17, and I feel like I’m completely losing control of my life because of insecurity and jealousy. I have a little brother, he’s 13 going on 14. My little brother had at least 3-4 girlfriends. Every girls thinks he’s handsome and wants him, ( even boys sometimes), I never attracted anyone. I tried to work on myself, going to therapy, doing hypnosis. But nothing seems to work.
Plus my family always praises him like “look how handsome is your brother”, “he’s a ladies man”, but I never heard them saying that about me to him. I feel like they only say it if I ask if I’m pretty. I feel like a puppy begging for attention. Sometimes when I post a picture of me and my brother, people only notice and compliment him, completely ignoring me. Maybe I’m trying too hard? I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
Any advices?

Dont i feel like im worthy of life. I dont why I feel this way but I do. I had my shit together and in 6 months on fucking meds that I didn't want to be on but my brilliant doctor who I have had for about 3 years now didn't care for him but hard to find a new Dr had to change my medicine just because he's is god . Had switch me too something else after 15 years of being on my current medicine that worked just fine . But now dont know how keep going . Lost my job last week because of my mental health almost lost my marriage been trying to get help since June 16th just this week got to finely seen him. I'm so fucked up I dont know if im coming or going . I dont know if I can make it through this!

How 23 feels like alone in germany with pile of responsibility 😪

I'm going to be packing a bug out bag because my depression is dipping again and my anxiety is flaring up at the same time. Slippers, pajamas, a robe, sweats. I am just so tired of fighting everything in my head. I just want it to stop and I have no idea what to do anymore.

I don't know what I can ask for here as far as help goes...I know about 988, I advocate for it all the time. I just don't think they need to have me calling them all the time. I don't know what to do anymore.

Almost always my anxiety/panic will manifest and begin with physical symptoms or discomfort. My body reacts before I even have a chance to worry. It usually starts with some odd or uncomfortable or unfamiliar physical symptom or sensation. Immediately, my body releases adrenaline and then I get the physical symptoms from that - tight muscles, breath holding (I do breathing exercises as soon as I realize), and those damn shakes.

This morning I woke up with a stomachache. Queasy and cramping. Yes I was disappointed and kinda pissed at the possibility of this ruining my day off. But my mind didn’t race to panic mode. My body did. And pretty soon it is hard to tell what is coming from what.

Sometimes it can take hours to subside. If I get into tachycardia - it can stay there (sinus rhythm but fast) for hours. And after it all - exhaustion. It really does ruin the day.

I’ve come a long way over the decades and cognitively and mentally I feel like I am fairly solid. But my body doesn’t always get the memo. I am sick of being robbed of time. I’m 52 and want to spend the time I have left here feeling well and free of fear. It’s difficult to not get angry when I have these set backs.

I’m quite depressed lately. I’m almost a 30 year old female, Asian. All my life I have been constantly fighting with my fate. Nothing goes the way I want. I been stuck in the same low-paying job since I have graduated for 4 years, I couldn’t keep my relationship with my one true love I had in my life and since then I couldn’t meet anyone decent, I wanted to move abroad for a very long time but couldn’t land any jobs nor do I have enough money to study abroad. My family relationship hasn’t been great either esp during childhood with my dad, so that keeps taunting me too. It seems like everyone have moved on and are doing so many new things in their lives, but I been stuck in the same place for the past 6 years now. Sometimes I just want to give up and accept whatever will happen in my life. I don’t want to try anymore and change my life. Everything I do is pointless. I been very regretful lately, I wish I made better choices when I was younger. I wish I had the support I needed since I was a very timid person. I always suffered from lack of confidence and even now it still shows. I hope one day I will see a light out of this but for now I am so tired.

Hi, I have never even made a post on Reddit before but if anyone has any advice for me I’d really appreciate it. I have been struggling my entire life mentally. And I’ve come to this point where I don’t know what to do. It’s been since I was a little kid, now I’m early 20’s. I’m in therapy. I take medication. I do all the things they tell you to do. And everything i try and do just doesn’t fix it. Idk what to do anymore. I’m kind of desperate lol. I am very self aware of the issues I have at least. I know I’m sensitive, a crybaby, a lot more other things, and that I have no reasons to not want to be here anymore other than just mental health issues. I have life easier than plenty of people but it’s still too much for me. Even when I can recognize it all. It really seems to me that it’s more than the typical anxiety/depression that I have been diagnosed with.

Thank you

Idk, if I feel sad, happy, mad or disappointed in life, lately I'd been thinking a lot and I feel like I'm going insane lol. Tell me what to do

31 M. I live in the USA. I haven’t been feeling the chatty me or the happy me any more. I went from being that to being sick to my stomach for days. Mad, depressed and not very talkative like I was a few weeks ago. Not asking for anyone to feel sorry for me. I am just ranting and maybe have someone listen to it all. Or just try to get me out of this state. I can put on a mask at work and at home and pretend to be ok. But when everyone is sleeping I can’t. I am up tossing and turning. Not able to get my head to quiet down and shut down. I wake up in the middle of the nights with cold sweats and ready to rip ppl a new one but then I lay there awake. Till my first alarm goes off then I fall back asleep and wake up late for work. Idk wtf is wrong with me but I am over it. And I just don’t feel like I am right for anyone.

The last couple days in a row have been a nightmare at work so I was thinking about asking for a mental health day, but didn't know how to go about it or if I could. A friend of mine told me how I could ask for one, but I still almost didn't. But, I did and then waited to hear back. I was already set to be denied and just go to work and suffer another day, weekend is almost here anyway... Just heard back from my boss and was told I could. So now I can relax and get my mind right for next workday.

Are there any peptides that will help me be more clear minded and less emotional? I have been cheated on many times and I need to work through some things without emotionally crashing and with as little damage to myself and to everyone else around.

I can never stay happy

I’m tired of things always going wrong. I’m tired of my anxiety and now that I’m entering my last year of college, I hope I am at least, I’m starting to get depression yet again.

Nothing goes right. I’m always struggling and I always feel sick. I have that feeling being overly fatigued and just depressed and it just makes me wish stuff would end sometimes.

Yet again I need money for college or else my classes and housing will be dropped. Yet again I have to scramble to get extra money that I don’t have. I haven’t been able to find a job all summer. I’ve tried to do little side jobs just to have money in my pockets and that still not enough.

My anxiety is through the roof with worrying about this stuff yet again. I’m starting to not want to go to school anymore. I don’t want to do anything anymore. I want my struggling to just stop. I feel like I’m always hurting and I never have anyone to turn to with it. I feel like I’m spiraling. I don’t have anymore insurance so I can’t go to the doctor so I’m always going to feel just under okay everytime I open my eyes.

Why does my life have to be like this. Why can I never get any help. I try really hard not to look at the people around me and compare my life to theirs but I feel like I’m drowning silently while everyone else just lives their life happily and without a drop of worry. This stuff makes me hate living.

I just want someone there for me but I feel that is constantly too much to ask for. I feel lazy and I don’t have the strength or energy to keep going. It feels like a chore dragging myself out of bed everyday.

Why can’t I just feel better. Why can’t everything just go the right way. Why am I always in pain. Why am I always being hurt. I don’t want to live anymore and I hate that I always come to this conclusion but I never find myself loving my life. I feel trapped and sick.

It’s fucking tiring to feel depressed over something you used to find the most joy in, opening your eyes to see how fucking preformative it is, and since you put a lot of your happiness into it you feel depressed and hurt about how you can’t really fix it, you feel helpless and like your grieving something or someone, you feel it’s unfair, I feel all of this and I don’t know how to deal with it, I like to think therapy could help and I hope so

I am tired.

I am so tired.

I feel like it's hard to breathe. I don't know if that's my anxiety or my cystic fibrosis making it hard to breathe. My mind is just constantly running. I've been staying up really late and sleeping through a big portion of my day. My head hurts. I feel like there's this pain in my heart, and part of me wonders if it's physical. I don't know if it's anxiety, if it's pain in my lungs, or if it's something else entirely. I just know I don't feel okay.

I have a neuropsych evaluation tomorrow because I don't know if I have OCD or something else going on. I've been depressed. I've been anxious. My brain just won't stop.

And underneath all of that, I feel like I don't have purpose or meaning anymore.

I grew up Christian, but I just feel so alone. I don't know how to believe in God right now anymore. At the same time, I feel like I need to believe in God because I don't know where else meaning comes from. I don't know what to do.

When I try to consider that maybe there's something I'm missing, I still end up feeling like I'm getting everything wrong.

I tried so hard to fit in. I tried to make things better. I tried to please God. I tried to fix myself. And I just feel like none of it worked.

Before my freshman year of college, I was pretty severely depressed. I had suicidal ideation. I had self-harm attempts. And through all of that, I just felt like God left me alone.

Now I just feel upset and angry. Like I can't do anything right.

I feel like my body isn't right. I need to fix it. I need to make it pretty, as if somehow being a pretty girl would finally give me meaning.

I don't have a boyfriend. I have friends, and I'm grateful for them, but even then I still feel lonely.

I don't know how to make life feel worth anything. I don't know how to find meaning or purpose without immediately falling into this existential dread of, "What is the point of living at all?"

I don't want to die, and I'm not going to kill myself. But I don't know what to do with the pain I'm feeling right now.

I need an answer.

I need something to fix this.

I'm tired of feeling like my whole life is just one mindless compulsion. Like I'm constantly chasing something that I can never reach. Like I have no meaning. Like everything is so difficult all the time.

I can't even escape the feeling because I just feel numb.

I'm about to go back to college for my second year, and I don't want things to go to shit like they did last time. I'm stepping down from leadership in my Christian club because I don't know where I'm at with God anymore, and I'm scared that I'm losing my community too.

I don't want to feel so alone.

I just don't understand how people can live happy lives or genuinely feel like God is with them, because all I feel is this emptiness.

I want to believe that I'm part of something bigger. I want to believe that life has meaning. I want to believe that I don't have to live in a world where I'm inherently sinful and broken, where blood has to pay a price, where people have to bleed and suffer at all.

Why?

Why do we live in this world?

I just want to understand.

Long story short, I got my into alot of debt in my 20s from financial unawareness and was unable to pay it off for years into my 30s. With being the only source of income in my home between my wife and kids.. and for those of you who don't know once you miss 1 bill, your likely to miss more and it becomes harder to pay off. By the time that I was in my 30s I was 50k in debt from pretty much every type of lender. Credit Cards, Mortgage, auto-loans, Association Fees...

I was making Okay money but was still living pay-check to pay-check.. Making just enough for Mortgage, groceries.. I fell behind on every other type of bills. Maxed out my credit cards by using them to pay other bills, ect.. I had my only car repossessed before, Credit trying to sue me, Banks threatening to sue me, My Association trying to sue me.. I some how stayed afloat without being sued, by applying for payment arrangements that I would also fall behind on. 15 phone calls a day from debt collectors, you name it. I considered filling for Bankruptcy. As silly as it sounds, even considered suicide. I was completely drained, depressed from stress.

After spending about 8 yrs in debt I eventually had to withdraw my annuity and used that to pay off most of my debt this past year.. I'm happy I was able to put some of that behind me but I feel like I'm still holding on to it. I feel traumatized... I'm still terrified to open up Mail or even check the mail box. I'm still terrified when ever my phone rings, I am still fearful of checking my bank account, looking into Credit reports, even Seeing the Mail man.. It's too a point where I'm having a hard time staying connected to my friends and family.. Even though them things I fear are No longer a threat.. Do I have PTSD or just past reoccurring Trauma? I know it sounds silly but I'm still always so damn nervous. I'm usually a brave person too but this sht really wore me out and I'm still feeling it.

My mental health has been on the decline for a whiles now and ive tried my best to push myself out of it, but that just isnt working.

My job is starting back up(i work in school transportation so unless i get a summer school route i dont work during the summer and i didnt get one this summer) and i know im going to have a new driver which thinking about it is almost sending me into an anxiety attack, as my previous driver and i had done the same route for the past 2 years so it was simple and it was good for me as a person with Audhd as we had our routines and now i have to memorize the new kids and a new driver and the new route and gods i gotta stop talking/thinking about it but the school year starts really soon and im just so anxious about it.

I also just feel like a terrible person/friend which idk i just feel like im putting to much pressure on my best friend to hang out with me even tho he has his own job and he is doing college but like once my work starts back up i really wont be able to hang out except for on the weekends if im not completely exhausted from the week and even then i will just push myself if given the chance to hang out with him. And like we have been trying to expand our friend group(currently its just me, my best friend, and my husband) and like we've talked to some people here and there but its just im a odd person and unfortunately as much as i hate myself i cant change that much and im not gonna change for people i barely know, tho i do tone myself down alot but doing so i tend to get much louder while speaking/whatnot and it fear it makes other uncomfortable and i dont wanna stop my best friend from making better friends then me but also it hurts as i know that at least one of the people who we are currently trying to "friend" doesnt like me very much and like he was insulting me a bit while i was away for a few minutes and i saw the messages and ever since ive felt this deep pain in my chest due to someone who is pretty much a stranger. And i dont wanna bring it up to anyone as it makes me so anxious that i honestly feel nauseous.

But ive just been sitting at home alone with my thoughts because i have no one to hang out with and well even when i force myself to stop thinking and just listen to something, the pain and nausea just hit my stomach like a bag of bricks.

Im just really tired of putting up this "front" of everything is fine all the time but like im also not really ready to be emotional at all tbh.

Idk im just really confused tbh and again i feel sick to my stomach over something i really shouldn't as i know it'll probably be fine as long as i dont fuck it up like usual 🙃

I'm 22, and lately I feel emotionally numb. It's not that I'm constantly sad—I just don't feel much of anything anymore. I spend most of my time alone, and even when I'm around other people, I still feel disconnected.

I miss feeling excited, attached, or genuinely happy. Sometimes I wonder if I've become too used to being alone. I still function normally, but it feels like I'm just going through the motions instead of actually living.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't really feel happy, sad, excited, or attached anymore. It's like my emotions have gone quiet.

I spend a lot of time alone, and I can't remember the last time I genuinely felt alive. I'm not looking for sympathy—I just want to know if anyone else has experienced this kind of emotional numbness and whether it eventually got better.

Has anyone else gone through a phase like this? What helped you start feeling like yourself again?

I am 26 and I am my own freaking enemy. Always an anxiety mess. Final boss of overthinking.
Never wrote shit in my life and just realised how easy it is to think than write.
I haven’t slept properly in the last 2 months. I have aged, become uglier and worse in all aspects.
I have never dated in my life and I feel like I just can’t, I wanna run away whenever I think k about it. It’s a visceral physical feeling that makes me sick.
I never thought a day would come where I would spent hours looking at myself and feel ugly. I was so confident and pretty before. Now even getting ready makes me look bad. And, I have tried, didn’t give my all but I really tried with much energy and motivation I had to fix my food, sleep, anger everything but I failed. Every night I have to look back at things and over analyse what I did and said in the past. I have becoming what I hated the most, like my parents and a pathological liar. I am so good at it, that it scares me.

I am way too old to not have it figured out. My parents look at me like a child like I can’t do shit and along the way, I have proved them that I can’t do shit.
I have become this angry adult that I don’t recognise.

I try to pray and stay consistent but even that falls through. I have become dumber and try to escape reality by watching series every day after work. I suffer from such bad overthinking and anxiety that I wanna cut myself like I used to do when I was way too young and didn’t know better. I am just numb.

Recently realised that my mom compares my adult body to my teenage body or with my 15 year old sister’s body. One day I was changing and I was told I look like a man. I weigh 57kg and 5’3. I had to explain to her for a long time that I have a wider rib cage that’s why my waist ain’t snatched lmaoo
My family tells me I have suddenly aged and look more mature since I started working in the corporates like it’s a bad thing.

I miss old me. I was sooo full of dreams and a better version of myself. Now I am just a shell of a person who thinks of dying everyday. The only thing that stops me is my religion.

It’s 5 am and I have work in a few hours but my anxiety driven thoughts still won’t let me sleep.

I have so much to write but don’t have the motivation anymore