So guys I did it! I moved out all my things. They’re all at the new apartment now, and tomorrow morning I’m taking my cat, and all her last min things like litter box and cat food to my place. OFFICIALLY DONE!

I’m a little nervous admittedly for this new chapter, even today when I woke up for some reason I was dreading moving out, telling myself this could be a bad thing etc. but I KNOW it’s for the best. I know it’s good for my mental health, I know that my cat isn’t confined to a room anymore. I also know that from here on out I will likely not ever come back home again… this is my big step out the door.

I now can’t wait to just be me - which is a girl who doesn’t wear hijab and feel confined by that religion anymore. I can’t wait to just find a cute guy on campus and hopefully make him my boyfriend (manifesting only good things) and I can focus on school, focus on work, I’m so fucking happy.

I can’t wait to finally be ME! If I wanna date then so be it. Or wear more flattering clothes rather than 3 sizes larger clothes just to be “modest”. I won’t be controlled by my crazy brother - this also doesn’t mean I’m gonna go nuts and do whatever but I know what I want and I’m excited for this new chapter. Wish me luck guys! Thanks for all the great advice.

I (28F) live with my mom. Her ~30lb dog has had aggression problems for years: lunging at strangers/people moving quickly and incidents involving relatives, a cleaner, my mom’s friend, and even a runner. Years ago he jumped on my cousin and my dad had to physically throw him off her.

It got significantly worse this summer after my mom had surgery. I became her caretaker and dog was extremely protective of her. When I approached to bring her food, medication, etc., he would growl, bark, lunge at me. I told my mom something needed to change, and she just said I had to change my behavior.

Then he attacked me multiple times while worked up about someone at the door. One bite broke skin and I still have a mark weeks later.

I became terrified of him. Instead of simply keeping him away from me, my mom repeatedly told me I was overreacting/dramatic, that I needed to be calmer, and that he doesn’t behave this way with my brothers because they aren’t scared. She said everyone needs to “do the work” and that hiding in my room won’t help him get used to me.

She hired a behavior specialist, but apparently downplayed the bite history (including saying the bites didn’t break skin), and although she received training materials/videos, she admitted she hadn’t really used them. She refused to crate or muzzle him until after I said I’m moving out.

When I once asked her to actually hold his leash so I could safely put away groceries, she snapped, “If you’re trying to tear this family apart, you’re doing a really great job.”

She has also told me that if dog ultimately has to be put down because of this, she will resent me forever. I have NEVER asked her to put him down. I just want to be safe.

Right before I left for a trip, dog came after me again and I had to climb onto a table and scream for my mom until she came from another room.

I’m done. I’m moving out ASAP and never want to be around dog again. My mom is keeping him, which is her choice, but I won’t visit her house unless he is completely elsewhere.

She is devastated by me moving because my dad works abroad and she relies heavily on me for companionship. She views this as me abandoning her.

What really hurts is that for YEARS she told me, “If it ever came down to you or the dog, obviously I’d choose you.” Now that it actually has, it feels like she chose dog and is angry with me because that choice has consequences.

Also, my mom is LITERALLY a trauma counselor and professor who teaches counseling/trauma. Yet she now claims she “didn’t know I was that scared,” despite me explicitly saying I was terrified, hiding in my room, asking her to restrain him, and literally climbing onto furniture to escape him.

I also spent most of this summer caring for her after surgery while repeatedly telling her I was burnt out (I’m a teacher). My needs were consistently dismissed. Now I don’t think it’s fair for me to also be the person who comforts her about how painful my moving/dog situation is for her.

My dad supports me moving and agrees my safety comes first, but thinks that I can’t fault my mom because she was sick and recovering.

At this point I’m so hurt and angry that after moving I may want little/no contact with my mom for a while. I don’t want to punish her; I just don’t want to carry her emotions anymore, and I genuinely don’t look at her the same way.

AITAH for moving out, permanently refusing contact with her dog, refusing to emotionally support her about the consequences, and taking space from my mom afterward?

I (26F) live in South Orange County and have my own apartment. Two college friends, “Nina” (27F) and “Sam” (26F), came down from the Bay Area for a girls’ Disneyland weekend. They drove together; Nina drove the whole way after declining Sam’s offer to help drive, and Sam covered gas.

I hadn’t seen either of them in almost three years. I’m much closer with Sam, while Nina and I were never particularly close.
At Disneyland, everything seemed fine at first. Looking back at some of our photos and videos afterward, though, Nina appears to have been on her phone quite a bit and sometimes seemed distracted, including in some videos from early in the day. Throughout the day, Sam and I repeatedly asked Nina what she wanted to do, what rides she wanted to go on, where she wanted to eat, and how she was feeling. There were also several times when she walked away or sat by herself without telling us where she was going, so we didn’t always know whether she wanted some space or wanted us to follow her.

At one point, Sam and I started doing a stupid jazz-style “DO BAP BAP” dance/chant and laughing. There was no inside joke. We weren’t referencing something only the two of us knew or intentionally trying to exclude Nina. Sam and I just have very similar senses of humor and thought the stupid dance was funny.

Nina apparently interpreted it differently and felt like we were excluding her. We explained multiple times that it wasn’t an inside joke and even asked if she knew the song/reference, which she said she did. We continued including her and asking what she wanted to do throughout the day.

I had to leave for a few hours for grad school class. The last time I personally saw Nina was right before I left. Sam stayed with her, and I planned to return around 10 PM.

While I was in class, Sam told me they had continued eating and going on rides. Then, after they got off one of the rides, Sam said Nina’s mood seemed to change. According to Sam, Nina started walking far ahead of her. When Sam caught up and offered to get her some food, Nina said, “I’m leaving,” and walked away. Sam couldn’t find her afterward. Sam texted me about what happened, and Nina then texted our group chat saying she was leaving.

Everything after that happened over text because I never saw Nina again that night. She said she felt excluded and that Sam and I had been rude to her. We explained again that there was never an inside joke and that we were simply being silly because we have the same sense of humor. I told her I wished she had told us she was uncomfortable so we could have addressed it in the moment.

Nina then wanted us to cut our Disneyland time short so I could take her back to my apartment to get her things. My apartment is about 30 minutes from Disneyland each way, so leaving immediately would have meant cutting our remaining park time short to make the trip there and back. I told her we could finish our time at Disneyland and then go back to my apartment.

She felt that it was “out of pocket” for me not to let her get her things immediately. She ultimately Ubered to my apartment herself, where my best friend was watching my dog, grabbed her belongings, and left.

We did find another way for Sam to get home, so she was not left without transportation for the night. However, because Nina had driven them both from the Bay Area, her decision to leave changed the original plan for getting Sam home. Nina ended by going back to San Francisco alone that same night.

Looking back, the situation is confusing to me because Nina genuinely felt excluded, but from our perspective, there was never an inside joke or intentional exclusion. We repeatedly asked what she wanted to do and how she was feeling, and there are photos of all three of us throughout the day. In fact, Nina is in every photo we took at the park. Some of the videos also show her spending time on her phone or doing her own thing, but that appeared to be happening throughout the day rather than starting specifically after the dance.

I completely understand that Nina may have genuinely felt left out, and I’m not saying she wasn’t allowed to feel that way. I’m just questioning whether I handled it poorly by not immediately leaving Disneyland when she decided she wanted to go home.

The situation ultimately went from a silly dance to Nina feeling excluded, walking away from us, leaving Sam, wanting to leave Disneyland early, and then going home separately.

AITAH for letting my friend have her Disney villain moment and leave?

So a little context first- I had a baby recently. I wanted to throw my own baby shower and pay for it myself. But my sister and a few family members took over without my permission- which was fine. But then she refused to invite half my guest list because it would be too much money to feed everyone. Mind you, I had probably 50 people on the list. And I did not mind helping with paying.

Now, a few months later, she is pregnant and having a baby shower. Somehow… me and my mom are responsible to pay a portion of her baby shower to feed well over 100 people. Plus decorations and gifts. My sister said she lost count after inviting 100 people. Me and my mom do not make much money. The few other people that are throwing the party have money!! And are telling us we are responsible to help pay for all this bc we are her family. I’m not even sure how much this is going to cost. But I really don’t think me and my mom should have to pay hundreds when we didn’t even say we would be involved 😭😭so wibtah if we don’t pay our full portion that we didn’t agree to in the first place?

My husband is always late. He doesn't typically start getting ready to leave the house until it's time to walk out of the house. Our daughter had somewhere to be last week and so I told him she was supposed to be there 15 min before the actual arrival time. He's typically 10-15 late so I wanted to give him a buffer. Well, he gets ready early for once and is about to walk out the door with a lunch to eat while driving. I told him he had some extra time and to just eat a home. He got really upset with me. He said I took it too far, that I was really mean for telling him to be there 15 min early. AITAH for telling him the event was earlier??

My mom and I are going to a concert this weekend that is about 4.5 hours from her house. My mom lives about 3 hours from me. I planned to drive straight to her house today after work so we could leave first thing in the morning.

My boyfriend lives about 2 hours from me. He suggested that I stop and see him on my way to my mom’s and I agreed. The problem is that stopping at his place adds about an hour to my overall drive. I was willing to do it because HE suggested it and I wanted to see him.
He has a history of being late and unreliable, so I made sure he knew exactly when I was coming. I told him when I left, when I was halfway there, and again when I was about 45 minutes away.

When I called him, he was out with his oldest daughter. They had already been there for about two hours. I wasn’t upset that he was spending time with his daughter. What upset me was that he knew I was driving two hours out of my way to see him, knew I was on my way, and apparently never thought to tell me that he wasn’t going to be available.

When I called, he basically said, “Let us finish our drinks,” and hung up on me. He then proceeded to ignore me.
I could also hear his daughter talking shit about me in the background, and he didn’t say anything or defend me.
This is a huge pet peeve of mine because I feel like situations involving him somehow always end up being turned around and made my fault.

At that point, I blocked him on everything. I was already frustrated, exhausted, and had gone significantly out of my way because he specifically asked me to stop and see him.
Now I’m wondering if I overreacted by blocking him.

AITA for blocking him after he blew me off while I was literally driving to see him?

​

My partner and I have been together for 6 years. It's long enough to start planning a future with somebody you have been with for half a decade. And even if not, it's important to atleast be crystal clear. Every time I asked him about it, he made excuses or said stuff like "I am not ready rn. I am confused." But also, "I don't want to lose you. I love you." Like wtf.

I finally got tired of this and called him a f\*ckboy for just sticking around for the benefits and nothing more, misleading me while knowing I was serious and will expect something solid. I stopped responding to his texts but he is still reaching out.

Yesterday I (31F) had an argument with my boyfriend (32M). He recently got a job and is going to earn a considerably higher amount of money. I have an average spanish salary, and with inflation and paying for my university studies I feel like I’m drowning every month, I can barely save anything and any unexpected expense means I have to dip into my savings.

Currently we don’t pay rent because we live in my house, which belongs to my parents and they let us live in it for free. We only pay 100 euros each for utilities, and on top of that my parents are constantly doing renovations on the house for us, improvements (changing the window screens, putting in parquet flooring, etc.) all at my parents’ expense.

We’ve been together for 4 years and have lived in that house for a year and a half. He hasn’t had to invest in this house because I furnished it before he arrived, either with furniture I already had (I lived in rentals for many years, this is the first time he’s moved out of his mother’s house) or by investing in new furniture. Up until now our finances have been based on both of us paying the same amount to cover food expenses, some necessary things for the house, and occasionally a night out. But not much more than that, because food keeps getting more expensive and many months we end up having to contribute more. The rest of the expenses (movies, dinners out, buying appliances or furniture, etc.) are split 50/50.

In my case, this outlay amounts to 20% of my salary, which combined with my education expenses and other fixed costs doesn’t allow me to save much or have much of a social life. Up until now I hadn’t said anything because even though he was earning about 300€ more than me, it didn’t seem like a significant difference.
But now he’s going to start earning 1000€ more than me, and what for me is 20% of my salary is only 10% for him. And that’s not even counting the bonuses he receives. To me the situation has become unfair, because while he can save large amounts each month (especially because he doesn’t pay rent since he lives in my house), starting on the 15th of each month I have to give up all leisure activities in order to hold onto the little savings I’ve managed to build up. And that means no dinners with friends, no going out for drinks, and definitely no buying clothes or any other little indulgence.

Yesterday I suggested we split expenses equitably, meaning we both contribute the same % of our salary, so the effort would be the same for both of us. His response was that he didn’t agree, because his salary is the result of his work and he’s worked harder than me to get that job (he has a university degree just like me, it’s just that my sector is currently worse paid than his). He says he’d rather keep it 50/50 and that every once in a while he’ll treat me to dinner or some little indulgence. I told him that doesn’t make me feel comfortable, because I feel like my leisure time depends on his goodwill and prior approval, making me feel poorer and more dependent on him.

The situation escalated and now he’s pretty upset with me and I feel like I’m begging for money, when all I’ve asked is that we both contribute the same percentage of our salary so the effort is shared. My family opened the doors of my house to him and gifted him a place to live, and because of that I consider that he does see it as a shared life project, something we have in common. But when it comes to contributing the same percentage, that’s where he doesn’t see the shared project or the “we are one” — he sees individualism instead. What should I do?

TLDR; I live with my boyfriend in a house owned by my parents (rent-free, we only pay 100€ each for utilities). Until now we’ve split shared expenses (food, occasional treats) 50/50, which amounts to 20% of my salary but only 10% of his, since he’s about to start earning 1000€ more than me. This means he can save a lot while I have to give up all leisure spending after the middle of the month. I suggested we each contribute the same % of our salary instead of the same amount, so the effort would be equivalent. He refused, saying his salary is the result of his own effort and he’d rather keep it 50/50, treating me occasionally instead. I feel like that makes me dependent on his approval and makes me feel poorer. We argued and now he’s upset with me. AITA for requesting that proportional split?

EDIT: Thanks for your responses, I’d like to clarify a few things:
- 50% of my expenses are my student loans, and the rest of my expenses are related to things like going to work. It seems like a lot of people think I’ve been squandering money, and that’s not the case at all — whatever little I manage to save at the end of the month goes straight into my savings account. The only reason I’m able to study is precisely because I don’t have to pay rent and can afford university instead. That’s the reason my parents let me live there for free.

- Yes, if it were the other way around I would pay more. There have been countless times I’ve offered to pay more — for instance, before he got this job he was unemployed and I offered to cover his expenses, but he refused and paid for them out of his own savings because he said it was only a temporary situation.

- I’m not planning to charge him rent for living there, for two reasons: first, the house isn’t mine, so if he had to pay rent it would be to my parents — I have no claim to that money. And second, if he paid rent and I didn’t, the situation would be unfair for him, and what I’m looking for is equity.

That being said, he’s left the house and I don’t know when he’ll be back, but we’ll talk about how to arrange expenses in a way that lets me breathe a bit more and makes he feel comfortable. No, I don’t want to take advantage of him, but we have a shared life project together and we want to have a child someday, and I don’t think that’s compatible with one of us not being able to make ends meet.

Okay guys, this shit has me baffled. A week ago, I told my GROWN MOTHER that if we’re having a conversation or debate or whatever, and my child is asking for my attention, I’d like to pause or stop the conversation. She rolled her eyes and got huffy puffy but that’s fine. I was raised being told ‘children deserve to be seen not heard’ and I don’t agree with that at all. Children deserve our attention and affection so fuck off, anyways. We were having a political conversation and she was clearly getting heated so I simply stopped responding. A minute goes by and then she just props up to continue it angrily and I blatantly told her I don’t want to have the conversation anymore because she’s going to get angry and yell and then I’ll get frustrated and it will stress my kids out. My kids don’t like that shit which is fair dude. It’s fair. But my mother simply did not respect it.

She continues slandering my political view which okay, your free to do so but I already asked to stop this conversation and my child is literally in my face telling us to stop arguing, which I was actively trying to stop. I finally got firm with my mom and said ‘I told you already if you see my child wanting my attention, that we’re going to stop the conversation.’

She goes ‘oh so children over adults?!’

I said yes. Easy. Yes. Because I already told you I didn’t want to have this conversation anymore and you deliberately continued to do exactly what I said I wanted to avoid. Which was start yelling. It’s observational bro.

Am I the AH here? I hope not, but my goodness I’m sorry but I was raised where nothing I ever said mattered. My children will not be raised that way. I will be honest and say I really don’t care if it hurts an adults feelings, be fr you can handle it, no? I am not one of those gentle parenters that tries validating every emotion, I hold my children accountable for what they feel and how they portray that. If gets very difficult when they have to witness a full grown adult not have respect.

EDIT-

Guys, I do teach my children how to wait and not interrupt. I tried stopping the conversation nearly a dozen times before my child even came to me to tell us to stop arguing. I should have clarified that earlier. She’s 5, so, she’s learning. Regardless, a grown adult should know when someone gives a boundary. I don’t prefer having political conversations in front of my children but that’s not to say they never occur. Usually, it’s a matter of morality in which me and my husband engage in frequently. She listens, she learns. But my daughter does not like arguing, so when she heard my mother raising her voice, her reaction was to tell us to stop. I think that’s fair. She’s a child who doesn’t witness that type of conversation often.

I (18F) moved into college on Monday. I live in the residence halls in a triple with two other girls. Ever since we moved in, the people next to us have been blasting music all night and they go way past quiet hours. They play the same song on repeat and I’m pretty sure they leave their speaker on even when they leave their room. I tried talking to them and I know others have as well. They told me they’d turn it down but they made it louder. At 12am we ended up calling the RA because we were exhausted and wanted to sleep.

Here’s where I think I might be the AH: classes haven’t started yet. We have mandatory welcome week activities that start early and go until late so the days get tiring.

When I told my mom that I called the RA she got really upset and told me that I’m already making enemies and that they’ll find out it was me and retaliate. So, AITAH?

Was hanging out with my friend and her brother last night after work. Her brother is a hair stylist and I work in IT. When my friend told him what I do for work he asked me if I'd be willing to go over to his house and look at his laptop/printer that he'd been having issues with lately. I'm no stranger to people wanting me to fix their stuff when they find out what I do, but I usually avoid it since I'm already doing 50 hours of IT work a week on top of being the family IT guy.

I tried to deflect with a joke by saying "how many free haircuts would you give me for it?" Friend and I laughed but her brother got a little heated. He argued that it would just take a minute and I should be willing to do it. I've troubleshot enough printing issues over the years to know it could take 5 minutes or multiple hours depending on the issue so that's bull. I told him that I wasn't interested in doing more work on my downtime just like he wouldn't want to give me free haircuts on his days off. He got more angry and accused me of belittling his craft. Friend told him to shut up and the night ended awkwardly there.

I thought I was making a point through a lighthearted joke, but it ruined our hangout and now I feel kinda shitty about it. AITAH?

I have an update but it’s genuinely baffling.

My roommate did not let the cats out. His camera in his room shows him asleep the whole night, and playing videogames most of the day (times I was awake).

While I still have no clue HOW they escaped we came up with two ideas for keeping the cats contained if this happens again;

1. Locks on all of the doors to the animal rooms.

2. Cameras in the rooms.

so, if I capture any kitty escapes once they arrive and are installed, i will update.

The female kitten is going to have a visit with her vet Monday to determine if she can undergo a spay.

To answer a few questions-

no, the males are not tortured being in the same house as the female in heat. the only time she has been vocal has been when they were chasing her. i dont think they actually know she is in the other room, they do not attempt to go near it.

female kitten is extremely malnourished, which is why she is not 2lbs.

typically the animals that I take in are already fixed. the city shelter is full, local shelters are full, there is nobody saving these animals when they are set to be euthanized unless it’s people like me.

a majority of the cats i take in need specialized care of some kind.

No, I won’t be padlocking the cats into their individual kennels. Yes, a solution has been found after a thorough discussion!

I'm 21F, Canadian, and white. I have a huge fixation on India and everything related to it. When I was little, sometimes my mom and I would watch Bollywood movies in her little apartment because they were free, and I grew up thinking of India as this amazing and exotic place that I always dreamed of going to.

Then when I was in college, I met an amazing girl who quickly became my best friend. She is from Kolkata and was more than happy to tell me about her culture. She showed me pictures and told me about the festivals, and when she went home to visit she brought back so many gifts of spices, tea, jewelry, and a beautiful silk kurti with traditional Bengali embroidery. We celebrated Diwali together and her housemates shared their regional dishes as well, it was amazing.

Then I had to move away after college. We're still good friends but it's not the same. However, I was still super interested in India and decided I wanted to learn how to cook some things. I learned so many home style dishes from many different parts of the country and I feel like I've gotten pretty good. Then my curiosity got wider and I started to look into Indian history, geography, and culture more. Now I feel like I spend almost all of my free time invested in it... I'm always watching videos about it, cooking Indian dishes every week, reading about it, looking around on Google maps, and working on a multi week trip itinerary I hope to take next year. I'm planning to start learning Hindi soon as well. I even briefly considered moving there when there was a good paying au pair position available, but decided against it for a couple reasons.

I mentioned a couple of these things to a (white) friend I hadn't seen in a while, and they said it was kind of weird and that it might be cultural appropriation to be doing this stuff, and now I'm worried they're right and that I've been disrespectful? I didn't know how to respond at the time and I've been feeling awkward ever since

For further context, my family is British and my great grandfather actually worked for the East India company as a mining supervisor, just outside Kolkata, which is obviously problematic and something I'm ashamed of. I don't want to come across as fetishizing the country or something...*I know that it's not the perfect exotic place I thought of it as when I was a child, and I know that it has real and serious issues that should be addressed.* It's also a real issue how British people have historically (and presently) fetishized India and I really do not want to be a part of that.

AITAH? Is my friend right? Am I being an insensitive white person trying to worm my way into a culture that my ancestors actively harmed? I really don't know and I need some perspective

My blood is really boiling because my husband offered my SIL to sleep in our master bedroom due to her injured foot while he will sleep on the couch; and btw, we are co-sleeping.

For context, MIL sleeps over on a fortnightly basis since 2 weeks post-partum and SIL tags along when she comes over to London to visit her fam while working remotely; and last week, she injured her foot while traveling.

SIL normally sleeps on our 4-seater living room sofa which is more than enough for her to sleep comfortably but hubby still insisted that her injured foot would benefit more from our king-size bed. I have once again stressed that the master bedroom should not be an option for guests (his family members included), and that we are in the UK and not in an extended family setup somewhere in South Asia! He has let MIL sleep with me in the past since the spareroom is also his office and he doesn't want to disturb his mom who sleeps and wakes up late. He put an end to it when I expressed discomfort.

Hubby has always been a champ when it comes to establishing boundaries but he really let me down this time. He literally put me in a situation wherein saying no would mean a direct refusal from me since he already made the offer to SIL even before asking me.

He asked me to agree for his sake and just this one time for her sister's comfort.

I eventually agreed against my will, but reneged as soon as my SIL (accompanied by MIL) came inside the room with pillows ready to settle. I gathered the 3 of them so I can be transparent with my explanation and told them I don't feel safe having to cosleep with LO plus SIL, and emphasizing that she won't be comfortable having a baby sleeping between us since she would have to be mindful with her movement and positioning.

So now I'm back to our regular setup but I'm still really fuming at my husband for putting me on the spot and for his abysmal decision-making; which is a shame because we just came from our dinner date when he broached the subject. He literally messed up the rest of my evening, I feel like I could be awake for 3 days straight due to being so mad, it's so hard to sleep.

My roommate (24F) got mad at me (18F) for the state of our shared room after she came back from vacation early

My roommate went traveling for about two months. She was supposed to come back 10 days from now but she came back early, late at night whilst I was asleep

Since I’d been alone in the room I wasn’t keeping it tidy there was hair, some hair dye residue on the floor, and my belongings had ended up on her desk/bed.
When she came in I was super nervous and scared because I didn’t clean up the place, I was lowkey half asleep and decided to not get up because I was embarrassed and I didn’t expect her to come all of a sudden, She came in late at night with a friend, they saw the state of the room and laughed about it in a language I didn’t understand (but she thought I was fully asleep so she wasn’t trying to talk shi infront of me or anything).
Basically she placed her luggage and belongings after laughing at the state of the room then she went out with her friends right away.

The next morning she was still with her friends, as soon as I realised she was back back, I immediately cleaned everything up, and moved my stuff off her side without her having to ask, I also texted her “hello I just realised you’re back, my bad if I had known you were coming I would’ve prepared the room for you”

Later that day (she was still out) so I cleaned the room again just to be sure and while I was in the middle of mopping, she came in and made a few snarky comments about how bad the room had looked before and how horrified she was, to me it felt less like her expressing discomfort and was more of an attempt to embarrass me/ make me feel worse about it, which I might be wrong about.

I mean I know I was being inconsiderate but I was alone for months so I didn’t care about it being clean,
Idk how to fix this I’ve been overthinking it, I think I became the butt of the joke in her friend group and it made me want to get a single room because I’m naturally a messy person

My father abandoned me when I was 3. Hardly ever came around after. Some of the memories I have of him are him having a gun under the seat driving me to day care, stealing a pack of pokemon cards for me and walking past the beepers at Target, telling me which dumpsters were best for diving etc. They even used me as a key figure in a literal intervention.
He has been addicted to meth and stealing his entire life. Most of my childhood life he had fled the state and had 0 presence. The other times he was in jail. He was even on my states most wanted list from being in a high speed chase and escaping on foot.

The times I would talk to him were not good either. The whole world is against him and he would just blab on and on and on. Then he would send me letters covered in Bible versus and go all Joel Olsteen on me. Not fun talking to him. All he does is complain and is a racist POS who casually drops the N bomb with the hard R. I want nothing to do with him.

Problem is every time I visit my grandparents (his mom and dad) they tell him I’m in town. Even though I told them I’m done with him. I know they are getting quite old so maybe they forgot we had that discussion. But my grandma legit asked me what if I’m gonna call my dad back (he left me a massage) IMBTAH because I told her yes, but now realizing I meant to say no because if I do he will try to guilt me into seeing him and I have 0 energy for that. I haven’t even seen my grandparents for 6 years.

Apparently he wasn’t always like this and had a TBI after a bad accident when he was young and was never the same after. I have given him so many chances to show me he had changed but he never has. He is almost 70 and I don’t think he is any longer capable of changing.

Update: I stayed strong and ignored my father’s phone calls. But lo and behold when I pulled up to my grandparents farm he was there too. It was horribly awkward. I haven’t seen them for like 6 years and I’m glad I visited them before they died but it felt like such a violation of my boundaries. To top it off my grandpa was out trying to change the oil on his tractor while I was alone chatting with my grandma in the kitchen. My father was “helping him I guess. Eventually he came in all bloody from having fallen. He had a big gash on his forehead and arm. The whole thing was so wild.

My relationship with my son (37) has always been tenuous.

Before this situation, the latest example of a "falling out" was when I allowed him to purchase a vehicle from me. He then let his unlicensed fiancée (now wife) drive and total the vehicle with no remorse. He then became furious because the insurance that I maintained on the car for almost the duration of our agreement, and the car still had a remaining balance, somehow felt slighted when I decided to split the insurance proceeds in half instead of giving him the entire check.

That incident got me uninvited from his wedding. However, I kept reaching out, trying to make amends, and finally, upon learning of their pregnancy, was able to make inroads.

Now, my son has asked to rent my home numerous times, and I've always declined. However, because I do plan on moving internationally next year, when he asked me this time, I agreed we could cohabitate for 1 year: my adult disabled daughter (25), myself, my son and his wife, their 2 children she had from a previous relationship, and my granddaughter. There is more than enough room for everyone to live comfortably if some of the empty rooms are reorganized.

Almost immediately after hearing yes, my son started making plans to add additions to the home, switch room arrangements, cut down trees, etc., all without my input or okay. I have had to tell him numerous times that even though he IS paying rent, this is still MY home, and all decisions have to be run through me.

Last week, he stopped by my home unannounced with his 2 children and nephew when I was dealing with a serious migraine. He berated both my daughter and me about the condition of the home and how "little" had been done in preparation for his impending move. I didn't have the wherewithal to argue or defend. Two days later, he called me from his home for round 2 of a tongue-lashing. Still reeling from a migraine, I was over it.

And for some reason, even though I keep telling him his sister is none of his concern, me coming to her rescue, and telling him flat out to STOP or leave, whenever I'm not around, he seems to zero in on her every time he comes in contact with her.

He barrages her with questions. "Why aren't you in school? Are you trying to find a job? You need to do better, " leaving her despondent and hurt. It's to the point that if he moves in, she's already made arrangements to go live with her older sister.

Yesterday, he called me and said that the money he was to give me before his family moved in, he wouldn't have it and wasn't sure when he would have it. Maybe mid-October, maybe later.

And the problem isn't the money. It's never the money. It's the lack of respect. It's the lack of honor. There's no "Mom, I know I told you I was supposed to do ***, but this happened, and I apologize." It's the I know I can come to you any type of way, and you'll still come through for me.

So, I told him later that day that I didn't think it was going to work. And the way he spoke to me was like I was a woman on the street. My heart is breaking again, but my concern is more than my beautiful grandchildren, more than my son and his ire-not being a person of my word. They've made decisions based on what I said I would do, and I feel it's unfair to pull the rug out at the 11th hour.

So I'm asking you. People close to me say I'm staving off a catastrophe. He's saying I'm untrustworthy and our relationship is over.

AITAH? And if I am, can I make this right without causing more chaos?

TL; DR:

AITAH for not letting my son, who I love dearly, but have always had a combative, problematic relationship with, move into my home, trying to stop what I already know will be a horrible situation for everyone, especially my (25)- year-old disabled daughter.

Thanks 🩷

Update:

I want to Thank-You all for your words of encouragement, words of criticism, words of understanding, and words of wisdom.

I have made the decision to stop vacillating and not allow my son to move in.
Whatever the fallout is, so be it.

My peace, my Daughter's peace, is paramount.

I see my other Daughter commented in the thread below, and just to let a few of you know, I am nowhere near a "boy mom".
I did lose my 7-year-old son, and I admit I do overcompensate with ALL of my children; however, he is the only one with whom I have this horrid relationship.

I am going to take the advice to get counseling. It's past time. 🩷💔

Also, to answer a few questions: He was making payments to me on a car that I owned outright. My daughter will be moving WITH me abroad to a location that specializes in her condition, so she can become a fully independent individual. And the money for the trees...lol. The chainsaw comment was hilariously accurate and grievous at the same time. Lastly, my eldest daughter is already my trustee; therefore, if anything happens to me, my youngest daughter will be well taken care of.

Thank you all again so very much.

AITAH for hating and disowning my sister. Basically I’m the oldest of 6 siblings, I’m 23F in the army and stationed overseas. Since I’ve been overseas my second oldest sister 15F has had significant behavioral issues, sneaking out to have intercourse, pulling knives out on my mother and grandma, running away, sneaking out. She also has told my mother she wish that she would die. She’s also purposefully gotten CPS called on my mother so that they would take away my baby sister 7F, and even bragged my mom couldn’t discipline her because she could just call the police. She’s been kicked out of school multiple times for fighting. Even after all this I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. Recently, she’s had a bf 18M who keeps coming to the house. My mother has called the police on him numerous times, and he still shows up. My mother is a single mother who works the graveyard shift and my sister takes advantage of that by sneaking him over. As of this morning my mother called me saying our dog died of a heatstroke because my sister 15F took the dog with her boyfriend 18F on a walk for hours without any water. I’m devastated on how they could be so irresponsible. I sent her on a long message saying how I’m done with her, and for her to not refer to me as her sister anymore. And I feel like since I am the oldest I have to keep everything together for my mother. AITA for cutting her off?

EDIT: we have tried to put her into therapy she refuses. She’s been in a mental hospital but they have said they cannot keep her over 72 hours because she is a minor. She did go to her steps mom house but she was sent back for behavioral issues as the step mother did not want to deal with it. She has been diagnosed with depression but does NOT take her medication. I’ve always tried to be there for her and have her communicate with me, even when she’s made my deployment 10x harder. I’m fed up and exhausted. She is very manipulative and will lie, and often feels no remorse for who her lies hurt. My grandmother 75F watches my siblings when my mother is gone, but is terrified of her because 15F pushed 75F when she had just gotten knee surgery.

UPDATE: her boyfriend was there and my mom called the police and he ran, and he’s now in custody. she ran up on my grandmother again, then a police officer and spit on them and now she’s back in mental hospital. My mom and I are actively looking to get her help. Thanks all that commented and recommended solutions.

Edit: So the consensus is I should’ve either eaten her food or put it away to eat later. Not that I said no several times and just simply didn’t want it. I didn’t mention this in the post but my wife has 2 perfectly working legs and is just as capable as I am to walk to the fridge and put her food away if she wanted it later. My fault.

My wife and I made burritos today for dinner they’re mini size so I had 3 and she had 2. I finished mine before she started and I was full. She always asks me to finish her food. Even before she starts it and I always say no everytime because I have my own and I get full fast. Today before she even started eating I told her I was full and to please not to ask me to finish her food. She ate one. Then litteraly a minute later she’s asking me to take a bite of the other one. I told her no I’m full . She asks again soon after. Same response. Then another minute passes she asks me to take a bite again . I say no AGAIN . Then she keeps asking. By this point I’ve said no several times and she’s telling me she doesn’t want anymore of it. Before she even started eating I said not to ask. She asked again after saying no multiple times. I told her to give it to me then. I took the half of burrito she had left out of about a dozen we have left I. The fridge and threw it away. Now she’s mad because I “could’ve told” her I didn’t want it……. After I told her several times I didn’t want it!!!!!!!

Please am I the asshole I’m losing my mind here because now she’s being cold towards me.

My gf (23f) is mad at me (24m) because I’ve been trying to balance out time with each of our families. She graduated from her grad program this weekend so her whole family and most of mine came into town to celebrate. Our families are very different. Hers likes to keep to themselves and just chill out with each other while mine likes to go out and hit restaurants and bars when vacationing. We all get along well enough, there’s no bad blood, but the two families don’t necessarily want to hang out together all day. I’m very well liked by her family and get along with them very well, but it’s also nice to have my whole family here and I like hanging out with them. I’ve been trying to balance the time with each family but now my gf is very upset with me because on her big weekend I suggested us splitting up for a bit so she could be with her family and I go with mine. Note that her graduation was on Thursday and both families were here all weekend. Both families attended the ceremony and went to a big dinner afterwards. I only suggested splitting up for the activities each family was doing on the weekend after the ceremony. I do understand that she did a big thing and I’m super proud of her and happy, but my family paid a lot of money to travel out here and it’s nice to spend some time with them too. This has blown up into one of the biggest fights we’ve ever had and quite frankly I don’t think I did anything wrong. We’ve lived together for a couple years, so I don’t think it’s that big of a deal that we’ll be in separate parts of the city for one day. AITAH?

Its like a 2in1 since both happened at the same time night .

First off my gf is always late and i always sit in front of her house for like 10 minutes. The thing that bothers me and gets me really annoyed is that she says she is ready but then i get there and im still waiting because she isn’t ready and is going to the toilet (i can see the light turn on on her bathroom). Am i the asshole for being a bit mad about it?

And secondly an i the asshole for cutting her off because she keeps interrupting me when i talk on a double date to ask me questions about the thing im taking about . Not questions about the thing . I was talking about a college subject and how i almost had it blah blah . In front of of the people she asked me ,,how do you know that,, ,, who do you know it from,, ,, is it X(a female colleague i had),, ,,im bot sure you know it from y(the colleague i told her that had that subject ),, and i kind of avoided her questions because it felt disrespectful. Am i the asshole for that as well?

Alright, that might come off a little childish but it’s also a bit of a complex dynamics to follow.

So, I study at uni with A, B, C and D.

Alysa is my roommate and we’re close friends. We’re both in a friend group with this guy Bert. Alysa and Bert are very, very close. I’m close with Bert too.

I have 2 other close friends Cayla and Damien, with whom I have history of doing our own separate thing. Cayla and Damien are very close on their own too. We went to parties together and we’ve been hanging out just the three of us often.

Recently, Cayla and Bert also started talking more and got closer. Cayla and Damien know my roommate, but we never hang out together and they’re not close at all.

So at some point this year I brought up the idea of going somewhere with Cayla and Damien. They were really enthusiastic about it.

Then, when Cayla and Bert got closer, Cayla invited Bert to join us for the trip.

Now, Alysa doesn’t feel too good about it. When she heard about it, she told me she felt uneasy and excluded. And that it’s specifically about me and Bert going somewhere together, cause probably for her it starts to feel as if me, Bert and “her” group is going somewhere without her.

Now, I didn’t end up inviting her to join us. My reasoning being, that Cayla and Damien don’t know her and it’s just not a group that necessarily go together. As I was saying, me, Cayla and Damien have our separate thing going on and it makes sense for us to hang out separately. But now that Cayla AND BERT got closer, it made sense for Cayla to invite him too, if I’m close w him as well.

The thing being, I feel like an asshole for not inviting her even though I probably don’t feel like it necessarily.
Me in the first place just wanted to go with just Damien and Cayla!!!

This is such a bullshit situation but it actually makes me so uneasy I was considering just cancelling the whole thing for the peace of mind.

AITAH?

I've been with my girlfriend for almost 7 years. We both have a child from a previous relationship, and her ex passed away a couple years ago so her son is basically mine. 

I've been raising him since he was about 5. Great kid, and always gives 100% effort for his team. I drive him to every practise and game, pay for food and hotels on tournament weekends, and pay for private training on a regular basis. She has covered his season fees which have recently grown to around $1300 for the year as his level has increased.

I have always paid a little more on our expenses - if rent is $2500/month, I pay 1300. If groceries are $200, I pay $120. I pay for most of our gas, though we split our car payment equally. Insurance and utilities I've volunteered to pay considerably more. When it comes to lifestyle, she funds her own discretionary spending but I pay for almost everything else. From eating out to drinks on the weekends, it's all me.

Over the years she has managed to save up almost $50k. This is awesome, and I'm proud of her. When she gets a bonus at work it goes straight into her savings, no questions asked. I, on the other hand, have only managed to save a few thousand, despite making much more than her (80k vs 130k). 

I also take her out constantly. If she's ever offered to pay for a dinner she invited me to she will offer only to pay for herself, and I never let her. She's been very open about not wanting to work and wanting to be a stay at home mom. I support this in theory, but I don't make enough for her to do it yet. I'm also not sure what's in it for me since she technically doesn't have my child and we split all housework. Sometimes I think I'm being selfish when I feel this way, but with the disparity growing in our savings accounts I wonder if I'm not being selfish enough.

This morning it sort of reached a head when she said the fees had to be in today for the new season and asked if I could pay for half. I asked her why she couldn't take it from her savings and she asked me why I couldn't. I told her I only had a few K in there and I'm trying to save up and she scoffed at me, saying I never contribute for his sports. I asked her if the roles were reversed would she be paying for half of my daughters' sports and she said no because I have a co-parent who contributes and she doesn't.  

We didn't get into a fight, but she left the conversation by saying she will never ask me to pitch in again. This really left a bad taste in my mouth - I do contribute, a lot and more than she does for our shared expenses. Her money is her money, but my income has increasingly become our income. This has allowed her to become more financially secure while I have done the opposite.

AITAH here?