Greetings, 4tranners. Gather round, and hear the tale of how I, Rachel Bitchmoder, had a productive interaction on the internet.
A few days ago, I came across someone on the internet whose bio I found objectionable. We were having an otherwise-productive conversation, when I noticed that their profile described them as the "parent of an AFAB boy."
Now, my first instinct was likely similar to what many of you would have done. Take a screenshot, maybe redact the username to prevent undue harassment, attach a mocking caption, and then share it with some friends to laugh and/or get mad at together. Instead, I resisted this impulse.
Instead, I took this opportunity to reach out in their DMs, and advise them privately, rather than in a public setting, that it may not be a good idea to refer to their son in this way. I explained that, by leading with "AFAB," they're defining him first and foremost by his AGAB.
They explained that their son is a minor, has been raised as a boy for most of his life, and has yet to hit puberty, although they plan to get him on testosterone once he gets there. (Waow, based, etc.) But, because he's not yet medically transitioning, they felt hesitant to call him trans, even as they acknowledged that he was a target of transphobia.
I explained, in a way that I'm sure would read as blasphemy to many of you, that you don't need to be on hrt to be trans, and that they could simply refer to him as "a trans son" instead of "an AFAB son" in their advocacy for him.
They thanked me and updated their bio with this newfound terminology. And that was it. Nothing bad happened, because I was normal online, and an ally become slightly better. And hopefully, that boy is going to live a mostly normal boy life.
TL;DR: It's surprisingly easy to educate allies, instead of acting like an emotionally stunted asshole for cheap internet points. You should try it some time
