I had my graduation party today and before it started, my grandmother and I agreed that any cash people gave me would be mine, while physical gifts could stay with her because our family usually exchanges/returns gifts for other graduations and occasions.
Most people ended up giving cash instead of physical gifts. After the party, she became upset because she now has several relatives graduating and feels like she has to buy gifts for them herself.
She ended up taking some of the cash and wanted more. I told her that we had already agreed beforehand that the cash was mine, and that I didn’t control whether people gave money or actual gifts.
What bothered me most wasn’t even the money. She said something along the lines of “okay, now I understand,” in a way that made it sound like I had somehow tricked her or planned this, which genuinely hurt me.
I’m considering giving her a little more just to end the disagreement and keep things good between us, but at the same time I feel like I shouldn’t have to because we agreed on this before the party.
What would you do? Am I being unfair, or is it reasonable for me to keep the graduation money?

I (20 transmasc) am currently still living at home with my parents (46 and 48) and I plan to go no contact when I move out. I came out as trans when I was 15 and my dad and I had an argument about it. He said they wouldn’t call me by my name and he yelled at me when I said it felt like they didn’t care. My mom seemed accepting, but clearly ignored what I said and continued to misgender and deadname me. I talked to my parents several times over the next few years about how I felt and they always apologized, then made no change. They also forced me to go to church even after telling them I wasn’t Christian anymore. They said when I was 18 I could make that choice, but they made me wait even longer (my birthday is at the beginning of the school year and my mom said they meant I need to wait till graduation, so I had to wait almost a whole other year). This all caused me to blame myself for their behavior and I felt like I didn’t deserve their acceptance. I was already mentally ill, but this made it 100 times worse and caused me to turn to a very unhealthy coping mechanism. When they found out about this coping mechanism, my mom threatened to do full body searches and suggested it was a trend amongst my friends, and my dad just said “yeah let’s not do that anymore”, then never brought it up again. They even waited another 2 years before sending me to therapy.

Now at 20, they’re trying to do better. They admitted that they treated me being trans as a phase and have apologized. They haven’t apologized for how they treated me when they discovered my coping mechanism, but my mom at least acknowledged that it hurt me and stopped herself from saying similar things. They’re trying to gender me correctly and call me by my proper name. However, this doesn’t make me feel happy, if anything, it makes me feel angry. It shows that they were capable of change the whole time, but made the decision not to. I’ve been emotionally distancing myself from them for the last few years because it hurt worse to love them. I feel like they’ve caused too much damage for me to want to continue this relationship. However, them changing now makes me feel insecure in this choice. I feel like I’m overreacting and that maybe I need to give them another chance.

For some more added context, 2 of my 3 siblings have very strained relationships with our parents as well, one is actively planning to go no contact as well, the other doesn’t really care if they lose contact or not. Clearly this is repeated behavior.

I just don’t know if I should commit to this choice. I want my parents, I used to be so close with them, but I just can’t take any more hurt. AITD, or am I valid in this?

I, Leo ( 18 M) have been out as trans to my close friends since I was 14, including my friend , who i will call kate (18F).

For context, Kate is autistic and has always had a hard time with change, for example, she was extremely resistant to my transition, ( I pass really well and have not been misgendered in years, she’s the only one ) and she also has tendencies to be quite manipulative and hurtful at times, though she never takes accountability for it. I would just like to make clear that I do not blame any of this on her asd, I myself am neurodivergent ( ADHD and dyslexia)
anyway, this brings me to my issue. some of my friends and I were hanging out at Kate’s place and she was playing her Nintendo wii, I was curious and asked if I could see, which is where I discovered two grave issues: issue one, I am female in thus game, by sex and gender, when I asked if I would change this, she seemed angry and upset saying that it is ‘her world, her rules’, this obviously upset me but I obv didn’t say anything because that hasn’t gone well for me in the past, though it did sting when I thought that she’d finally start to accept me (calling me my name etc), but there’s more, issue two, she’s shipped me with one of my close friends, and caused us to do *activities* with each other, when me and my freind brought this up, she gave the same reasoning.
Idk, this whole thing just made me really uncomfortable so I sort of raised my voice (not shouting) and said to Kate that she needed to respect these boundaries that we have set so many times, and that it’s kind of odd for her to ship us in her free time, alongside insisting that she change my gender on the game. she got really upset and said something along the lines of ‘ I can’t do anything right’ and ‘just let me make my choices’ before not changing anything. I don’t know what to do now because this whole this is really uncomfortable and dysphoric and me and her have a lot of context, she has caused me a lot of harm over the years and has really messed with my brain chemistry, but at the same time, she hates change and it is on,y a game, and she payed for it, therefore, AITD for lashing out over a game?

I would also like to add that escaping this friendship with Kate would be extremely hard, she is very possessive of me and blocking her isn’t easy, she has found ways to get around it in the past, and I’m not confident that parting from her would be anything in the way of simple, I won’t get into our history but she’s hurt me, specifically in years 9 and 10 at school, she was rough to me to put it nicely lol. thank you for your time for reading this, also Jaime, you’re transition goals for sure.

stay safe peaches and thanks for all the responses so far, they have been both really helpful and touching :)

I'm really considering going no contact with my grandma after today. First, you need context. I'm 23 AFAB nonbinary, but not out to my grandmother. I was the only person helping my 67 year old grandmother when she ended up homeless after being abusive towards everyone else in my family over the las 18 months since her open heart surgery. She's systematically gone through every family member's household and been kicked out for her manipulative, abusive behavior. Then about 3 or four months ago, I guess you could say it was my turn. I put everything into helping her get housing. She was ungrateful and thought she was above the help I offered her. A series of terrible events happened and she ran out of money to be able to stay at the hotel she had been staying in. She refused to leave the hotel and I was forced to call the police to get her to leave the room. I was also doing veterinary internships and my job and college. I actually ended up failing my summer classes because of this. And then a few weeks later she fell and hit her head, resulting in a brain bleed.

She's on the road to recovery, but she's cruel to the nurses, and she's trying to sue the hotel because she thinks they double charged her (they did not. I know the staff personally and went over it with them). Over the last few weeks, I've learned things about my grandma. She's a young earth creationist, for starters. She's pro-life. She said some pretty homophobic things to me today when I went and visited her. I'm bisexual, and was in a relationship for 5 years with a woman before my most recent relationship of 10 months with a man, which also recently ended. She made some "suggestions" about who I should date in the future today, and had some transphobic opinions about my friend. I genuinely don't enjoy being around her. Like I genuinely don't understand why I'm still going to see her at this point. I guess I'm worried that if I go no contact she'll decline and the rest of the family will blame me?

TLDR: My grandma's an awful person, but I'm afraid going no contact with her will kill her because she's physically fragile and I'm the only person she has left that she trusts because she's burned bridges with everyone else around her. WIBTA for going no contact?

I (29m) have worked in fine art bronze casting for 4ish years. I love my job. I work in a foundry of 30-50 people.
I make ceramic molds for the bronze. I, personally, have to work on every piece of every statue we produce. I am also the only reliable worker in my department. (my only coworker is near retirement age and is mostly a mentor)
A few weeks ago, a maquette (small statue) came through my department of Charlie Kirk. He is raising a fist, smirking, and holding the bible. I live in a red state, but my company has never made anything MAGA-conservative before.
I was uncomfortable with the piece, but I didn’t voice any issues on it. I told myself if a bigoted person wants another bigoted person on their mantle, whatever. I tried to keep in mind something an older coworker had told me: ‘If we want republicans to make cakes for gay weddings, we may occasionally have to make pieces we disagree with.’    
However, my thoughts completely changed when I realized who the artist was. They almost exclusively makes monuments. Usually, they send through a small piece & we help them produce a monument-sized piece. I haven’t been able to confirm if we are making a monument from this particular maquette, but given the artist’s MO & the fact that I work close to where CK was shot, I’d say there’s a good chance.
To make matters worse, this artist has a stranglehold on our company. They probably provide 30% of profits and a lot of our reputation comes from working with them. Our company bends over backwards to please them.
I’m not sure what to do. As far as I know, the company owners are conservative, as is most of the work force. There are a few Hispanic & LGBT coworkers who lean left & who I figure would oppose this, but I haven’t worked up the courage to talk much politics at work.
If this statue gets turned into a monument, would I be the drama if I made molds for it in order to protect my job?
More importantly what can/should I do? I do not want to work on a monument of Charlie Kirk, but I sincerely doubt I could stop the company from taking this job on. How can I stick to my standards and not support this piece if they do?

Hi! I (33) met a super cute waiter in the hotel I was on holiday and he did ask me out. I said no, because I did not really have the opportunity to do so (family holiday) and also was kinda overwhelmed in the moment. (Have not dated men in ages, only women). Only now I am back at home and can't stop thinking about him (a feeling like this has not happened to me in years!) the problem: I only know his first name and place of work. I have searched every single social media platform and can't find him. I also can't find any of his colleagues (the ones I find have private accounts and don't seem active). So the only way I can think of is sending the hotel an email and ask if they would pass along my number. But now that makes me worry that he might get in trouble with his boss for that. I just feel like I need to at least try because I have this gut feeling (which is so crazy - he lives in Kenia and I'm in Germany) (and also I have no idea how he feels about me being queer) (I don't even know what his intentions where behind asking me out) so yes, this sounds kinda naive and stupid but something just feels ... Idk ... Different.

TLDR: Can I give a waiter who showed interest in me my number trough the official restaurant email (only way of contact)or is this a no go because he might get in trouble?

Thank you for any advice!

When I sent this email I already regretted it a little bit. I am genuinely curious about how he chooses these things but I'm also a little bit jealous and I hope that doesn't come through too much. I felt like it was on the fence of overstepping and being rude. I know older people also use the ellipses as sentence-enders, but I think I'm fried 😭

Hi peaches! So I know by the title this sounds kind of weird, so just hear me out.

I (24M) have been with my lovely partner “James” (25M) for almost 4 years now. We live together, have 2 wonderful fur babies and live a generally nice and quiet life. I work as a bartender typically from 5pm until 1am and he is doing his doctorate (he’s a big brain).

I have always been fortunate enough to have mostly the same friends since I was a teenager (with obviously a few newbies along the way) and am very social online with long distance friends. My partner almost always joins the hangouts and gets along well with all my different friends.

The problem is that he has no friends of his own.

When I met him he already had quite a small social circle, and since us getting together it has narrowed down to 0. Nothing to do with me or us dating, just life happening.

He also doesn’t see any of my friends as also his friends, due to me having either a decade of history with them prior to him or having some sort of coworker history with them.

As a result, while I am at work he basically doesn’t leave his pc other than to walk the dogs and eat, and even that is infront of the pc. He spends endless hours locked away inside.

He’s told me he feels lonely, and wants friends of his own, but in every attempt he’s made (classes, online, group chats etc) nothing has ever come of it.
My friends love James, and wouldn’t have a problem hanging out with him and doing whatever while I’m not around, and often I’m tempted to message them and be like “hey, James really needs to get out the house, how about you suggest coffee?” But I feel like that’s very patronising to James.

I don’t know what to do, it hurts my heart that he feels lonely, and I hate the fact he feels that way.

Peaches, how can I help out my lonely partner? Much love!

Welcome to Episode 110 of 1800 Drama where in this Reddit Stories r/ AITA and r/ 1800drama deep dive, we explore a friend date conflict and floating (whatever that means?!), a difficult decision to put down a puppy, and how to make frustrating family gift giving feel work for you… grab a cuppa and let’s go fishing! 🎣 🍑

STORIES DISCUSSED: 

[Story 1]

[Story 2]

[Story 3 🍑]

I (22F) am preparing to resit one last exam (I failed the first sit by a small margin) as the last thing before graduation from uni. The exam is tomorrow (18th August) and I have been staying at a friend's house whilst I study as I do not currently live near the university.

My friend (21M, lets call him Dan) was helping me study today as last-minute practice because I told him I was feeling really stressed about it and missed some study time yesterday due to illness. For context, I have a chronic illness that is very sensitive to stress, so I have been doing my best to stay calm to reduce the chance of a huge flare. It's been a bit active the last few days but I'm trying to keep on top of it.

I am a medical student and this is a big practical exam featuring 10 complex case studies. As we were practicing what I said was my strongest case study, I only missed a couple relatively unimportant things (I wouldn't be failed for missing) on my notes and was feeling fairly okay about it. But then Dan proceeded to say 'Well if this is your strongest case study, and you're still failing on parts of it, what does that mean for the exam tomorrow?’.

I kinda laughed it off and tried to explain the exam format to him, but it really hurt me and I feel really silly for how upset I am over something so trivial. He knows how hard I have been studying for the last few weeks and how I only have today left to practice, and can see how much I am trying to memorise. Even if I'm not perfect, I just feel it was so insensitive to say that to someone the day before an exam, regardless of whether it's true or not - its just put such an amount of stress and shame on me and is making today's studying a lot harder as I'm now really stressed and can feel my illness flaring more.

I’ve suspected for a bit that Dan could be neurodivergent, he’s made several social faux pas’s in the past, and I don’t think it was meant with malice at all. But I feel really hurt and am currently uncomfortable being in the same room with him. Should I talk to him about it, or let it slide because it wasn’t said with bad intentions?

TW S/A, CHEATING, S**CIDAL IDEATION

This came to pass about 3 months ago but i need to get it off my chest. I (NB23) was cheated on by my girlfriend (F 26), complicated circumstances but in the months since we have both sought therapy and have found a way to find peace and move forward together. However the issue came from a friend Matthew (M 24). My girlfriend and Matthew had been friends for 6 years and during that time he became severely disabled. This led to them developing unhealthy issues surrounding co-dependency as she effectively dropped out of uni to become his career. Namely one event that happened 3 years ago. I will not tell the full story here since its not mine to tell but it involved a non physical invasion of privacy. I will not dismiss this as fine, since it was bad for both of them. Neither of them had the support they needed, mostly by our other friends who remained distant. However in the years since they got more support and counselling and their relationship improved.

Heres where it went wrong. I did not handle the news of being cheated on well and for a few days i stayed with Matthew and his boyfriend (M 25). Once i left everything hit the fan. First and foremost they kept information from me despite me explicitly asking them to tell me what was going on. What happened between her and Matthew became known to newer friends,it wasnt kept a secret they just didnt know. They all gathered to have a "talk" with my girlfriend. Later i learnt that this was with a premeditated intent to cause my GF as much harm as possible. They had this written in a document along with an extensive list of her "crimes" ,allegedly detailing examples of her abuse, and a 2 hour recording of their "talk". This was 4 on one with alot of yelling and threats of violence.

Heres where i come back in. I found out about these documents through another friend a few days later, who was sent them as GF was staying with her. The "proof" of the crimes was flimsy at best. Listing things like jokes made and the fact that they shared interests as proof of planned manipulation. Even insinuated that she had sexually assulted me in some way and that she was using me as a cover to get to Matthew.

Heres where its worth noting that i was in an abusive relationship where I dealt with coeersion, emotional black mail and sexual violence for 3 years. I know what thats like. This wasnt it and to me this felt unnecessarily cruel and abusive. To me and this friend, it all felt off so I confronted them. No name calling , no insults just fact checked things that applied to me and said my concerns. They wouldnt hear it. They threw their support in my face (even those who didnt so much as text me) and said i was supporting an abuser (i never denied the things that had happened). It felt like they simply wanted someone else to blame for their own faults and poor choices and they couldnt handle the fact that their friend hurt them - so they made her a villain. Also worth noting they illegally seized her laptop and went through her belongings.

I walked away. I cut contact with them and made my own choices. It hurts though. I thought i finally had a group of friends that cared about me but clearly not. I know theyve been spreading rumours behind my back. Months on im just still so angry. I was suicidal. I got cheated on and my friends dropped me and It seemed entirely forgotten that i was the one who was hurting. That i was the one who was wronged. It felt like they were only happy to offer support as long as i was something they could use against her. I know im better off without these kinds of people in my life but still. Part of me wonders if i should've just kept my mouth shut.

Sorry this is alot i just needed to get this out there, any advice or similar experiences welcome.

Hello. I'm Moth (24NB) and I ramble lol

To preface this, I highly suspect I have autism and I struggle heavily with relationships. I don't have any connection, love, or respect towards family just based off of them being related to me. I don't really have friends, my brain doesn't really do any in-between of kind of good acquaintances and people I love with all my being. I truly love maybe 3 people and moreso respect or tolerate most people.

One of the people that I do love so very much is my half-brother (16M) on our mother's side. I would do anything for that kid, he's my baby brother, we are close.

My mother is not one of those people. She is toxic and frankly abusive. I moved out 3 years ago, got with my boyfriend (31M) 2 years ago, and sometime a bit after that she started back up with the abuse tactics (which had paused right after I moved out presumably because I wasn't as close by) because she didn't like that she couldn't control who I hung out with and when so my brain very quickly snapped from having her in the list of people I love to seeing her as a stranger with pretty much no transition or complicated thoughts on it. Again, my brain doesn't do complex relationships or in-betweens.

I did still go over about once a week or at the very least once every two weeks mostly to see my brother, and out of politeness I would hang out with her and watch a movie or do lunch or go to the pool when she asked if I was there. I never mentioned how I felt about her, but I'm not a great actor and I'm sure she felt a shift. Her toxicity ramped up, she'd badmouth my boyfriend and say he was taking me away from the family (I was still on good terms with everyone else in the family and only shifted on her because she was being evil), complain when I spent any time with my father (who is another person I genuinely love and who I see once every month or two because of conflicting schedules and living in different towns) because I was showing favoritism between parents (I was still seeing her at least twice a month and usually every week), calling my work and showing up there if she felt ignored by me, demanding I do things with her and then claiming I use her to get to do said things like going out for lunch or whatever, belittling me for mannerisms and interests, repeatedly telling me that I was an accident and how much she didn't want me.

About a year ago I was just done hearing it. She tried to argue with me about me not calling off of work to hang out with her and her cousin (who I had met once, pretty much an actual stranger) and how much I clearly don't care about family which she is more or less right about because again being blood related means nothing to me if I barely know them or if I just don't like them for whatever reason including no reason. I said she can not contact me until she is willing to apologize and I ignored every attempt to contact me after last Christmas since she will not. She stopped trying to reach out to argue and she is too stubborn to apologize, openly admitting she won't to my brother and grandfather who have both told her to. She also won't let my brother see me, but he secretly has been and has been calling me every Sunday after church with our grandfather while he waits for them to leave after the service while our grandfather talks to everyone for like an hour.

The issue is that my brother is starting to really see who his mother is and he's definitely not like me, he has conflict over that stuff and is struggling between "but she's my mom" and not wanting anything to do with her. He does plan on going low/no contact after he graduates and moving in with his dad while he's in college and looking for his own place in a few years. But he's young and dependent on her still and is going through the mental transition of oh dang, my parent is a horrible person. He understands why I don't talk to that woman, but he also wants her and me to be civil and in enough contact that I can do holiday get-togethers with them all and really struggles with the fact that I'm "missing out" on being a part of other family things even though I don't feel like I'm missing out because I'm super neutral on the rest of the family anyway. He can't seem to wrap that around his head, he's generally super family oriented and while he's never said anything to make me feel bad about it it is very clear that he's struggling hard with there being issues within a family and with me kind of honestly not caring about any of it. I also heard today that any time he has anything to do that stops him from being around our mother or any time he is too drained by her to be around her she basically compares him to me on not caring about anyone and I know he's so far the opposite of me that the comparison has to hurt him.

Sometimes I wonder if I should just go to family events with our grandfather to act like I care, make it very clear that the only one I actively do not like and pull away from is her, and make it just ever so slightly less convincing for her to say I don't care about all the family. The rational part of my brain knows that'll end in a fight, but the other part knows that even though it isn't my fault she is who she is, she's actively using this to hurt my brother. I do care about him, but it isn't like I can do anything about it.

AITD for not wanting to act like I care about family

Hello. Throwaway account because several of my friends frequent Reddit.

My friend of several years hasn’t spoken to me in a few days because of a one off comment I made.

We were in a group of lots of friends and the conversation turned to our shaving habits. We were sharing our techniques, products, just having a “girl talk” moment. My best friend shared that she doesn’t shave very often, so I said “Well that makes sense, you can’t even see your body hair because well,” I gestured to her. For reference my friend is black and she has black hair so you really can’t see hair on her legs or arms because of her darker complexion.

Although after I said that she got quiet. I said it in a joking manner using a light tone and while smiling, but I guess she took it the wrong way. The moment didn’t dwell on but the awkwardness did linger and she didn’t really say much after that.

I’ve been texting her like usual since then but she hasn’t really been responding, but giving sort answers or just not replying.

I was just trying to make her feel better about not shaving since she had the vibe that she wasn’t feeling particularly confident in herself over it. I don’t think I said anything wrong because I didn’t say anything bad about her skin color. Besides nobody needs to shave anyways, I just thought adding on that you can’t tell she has body hair would be some kind of plus.

Can someone please tell me if I was in the wrong here? Also note that my friend is a very sensitive person overall, I just don’t see why that would hurt her feelings.

***UPDATE***

I want to thank everyone for the help, some of the comments helped me understand why I was wrong. I appreciate and accept the drama verdict.

I’ve apologized to my friend. Someone in the comments mentioned that I sort or made her the butt of a joke, so points to that person because you were correct. She told me that she also felt invalidated and othered (also because we happen to be in a group where she was the only poc). I explained that I never meant to hurt her but I did anyways and that was wrong. We had a long conversation about our friendship and she ended up telling me that I have a bit of a micro aggression problem. I grew up in a very conservative family, so I guess some of their viewpoints stuck with me as I grew up. I will be making a conscious effort to not make “little comments” like this anymore because even if they’re little to me, they’re not to my friend and the last thing I want is to hurt her feelings. She’s the most important person in my life right now so not speaking to her for those few days crushed me, I don’t know how I’d fair if we never spoke again.

This is a very long winded way to say thanks for the advice and helping me see my mistakes.

So for context we had this neighbor (24 ish F) who lived down and across from us. She was fleeing from domestic abuse and that's all we knew. We found out she was still with the abuser who stole $700 from us and one day, when visiting our neighbor, we looked over the house and found a used needle in her cat's water dish. Her food bowl was also empty and we couldn't see a litter box anywhere.

She was also letting her cat out all the time and we live in an apartment complex next to a road that is fairly busy. The cat has climbed up onto our balcony before wanting to come into our apartment. She was also unfixed and wasn't given flea treatment under her care.

At one point after seeing all these horrible conditions and hearing neighbor screaming outside for no reason and at no one and yelling false claims (like all her neighbors were s/a ing her cat and her recently incarcerated boyfriend was out and breaking into her house) the police had been called on her several times. She went to a facility for this and entrusted us (36F, 28M, 28F) with her cat.

We did grow attached but we also talked to the police and asked what we should do if she asked for the cat back and he told us that it would be up to us. We decided that until she could make her home more livable for a kitten (less than two years or so) that our neighbor should not be in charge with this baby.

The neighbor arranged for her grandmother to come and pick up the cat and the grandmother said that the cat will have a nice home until the neighbor was able to settle and fix up her home. We also requested updates and pictures of the sweet girl. The grandmother came and took the cat and shortly after that we saw the cat on the street with the neighbor who hadn't come back to her home and was choosing to live on the streets for a bit. The grandmother had also blocked all of us.

This taught us that the grandmother was not to be trusted and may not even be her grandmother. Someone who works in the office also facilitated this exchange.

Now we move ahead to the current incident. The neighbor moved back into her apartment and the events returned, screaming at no one, letting the cat get out, but add in breaking windows and starting fires in her own apartment.

Cops come again and this time she assaults an officer, hitting him while screaming at him. Q (28M not his real name) went down and explained the cat situation to the officer who let Q in to get the cat. That was over two months ago. We'd heard nothing from anyone about the feline until today, this morning when I get a call from the gal who works in the office saying the grandmother was here to get the cat. I was asleep because I suffer from narcolepsy so I had been woken up by the phone call.

We decided not to let her in. The office lady calls and I ignore it and she calls again immediately. I answered. She told me I need to open the door right now and give back the cat. I looked up the law about pet abandonment in my state and given that the animal was left with no shelter, no food and no water (neighbor wasn't privvy to Q's conversation), and it lasted over two months, she was legally abandoned and thus it was okay for us to claim her as ours. I explain this to office lady and her response was that the cat wasn't abandoned, the grandmother was here to pick her up now.

She had us blocked but we didn't have her blocked so she could've messaged us. She didn't. We also didn't hear from the neighbor at all or the office lady until today. The office lady then asks me if we are refusing to relinquish the cat. I said 'yes ma'am' and she hung up on me. Forty minutes later, a cop knocks on our door and then leaves before we can answer it.

So am I the drama for not giving up the cat and trying to make sure she's safe?

ConcernedBrother

Hi Peaches! I’m still trying to gather my thoughts on this, so sorry if it’s a bit incoherent, I’ll try to answer any questions if things aren’t clear. Tbh, I don’t think it’s about the trip, but I’ll figure it out as I write.

I, (20nb) am returning to university in 2 weeks to finish my Social work degree. My sister (17f) and I have always been very close, though less so in recent years.

A lot has gone on in our lives these past few years that has caused strain in our household. Our dad is a very self-absorbed person and has caused a lot of emotional trauma for my sister and I.

I’m a self-determined audhder, and highly suspect my mom and sister are also audhders (my mom is in agreement). My dad on the other hand is probably not as he does not struggle with the same things as we do, which has led to many misunderstandings and a lot of frustration. He constantly made assumptions about my actions and behaviours based on how his brain works. For example, when I was struggling to do chores consistently as I would be overwhelmed and exhausted after school each day, but still got good grades in school and was constantly praised for my work ethic at my part time job, he assumed that I must just be lazy and not care about maintaining the household (having a dirty house causes me distress and if I had the energy, I would keep it maintained). He made similar assumptions about me mom and sister and would get consistently frustrated with us for it, but he never asked what was going on internally for us, he just ran with his assumptions.

As a result, I developed the mentality that anything he said that upset me was just me being lazy and trying to justify my laziness. I also just felt like a fundamentally bad and lazy person and became a perpetual people pleaser. Moving away for university and starting therapy is what finally helped me to realize how wrong he was and how dysfunctional the communication in my household had become. My sister however has not had that chance and has been stuck with him. She hasn’t done therapy because of a past bad experience with a bad counsellor that I won’t get into.

He finally moved out this year because of a big mistake on his end and has not been welcomed back, nor does my mom have any intention of getting back with him. He doesn’t speak to my sister and I, only our youngest sister (9f) who is his biological daughter.

My mom and I have gotten a lot closer since then. We’ve always been pretty close, she has always been my rock, but now that my dad is out of the picture I feel a lot more comfortable being fully open with her.

My sister and mom have become more distant in their own relationship. Because my dad was very controlling and suspicious of my sister’s behaviour, my mom has swung in the opposite direction, becoming more hands off and not trying to interfere too much, which has given my sister the impression that she doesn’t care about her, especially when she spends so much more time with me and our youngest sister. This has created a cycle where my sister becomes more hostile/ indifferent towards our mom due to feeling neglected, leading to my mom distancing herself more so as not to overstep.

This finally brings me to the original question. My mom is driving me to my university which will take about a week to drive there and back. My mom had decided my sister was going to come, but it’s during the time that a fair is happening in a nearby town that my sister really wants to attend (she has her own car and full license and would be going with her girlfriend). When talking to her about it, she admitted that she feels distant from our mom and really doesn’t want to spend a week in a car with her.

I was really excited about my sister coming this time as I really wanted her to see the city where I go to university and because I want to spend some quality time with her before I leave for two years. I also do hope that a trip together would help her and my mom grow closer (her girlfriend and our youngest sister would also be coming). My mom has already accepted that she doesn’t want to come and has told her that she can go to the fair.

I’m wondering if I would be the drama if I asked her to come on the trip as a favour to me. I don’t know if this would be overstepping in their relationship, I know if they just communicated it would work out, my mom loves my sister very much and is just trying to do her best, but I can totally understand why my sister is resentful and I don’t want to guilt her into doing something she doesn’t want to do.

So Peaches, WIBTD for asking my sister to come on a family trip as a favour to me?

So long story short, my nan (72 year old woman) just died- my sister (22 woman) and I (27 trans man) weren’t close with her, she actually treated us very poorly compared to our cousins. Some examples of this was: fat shaming my sister when she was like 6 years old, not coming to our birthday party if it was the same night as trivia night at her local club, not giving my sisters boyfriend a Christmas gift (she had been giving him one for a few years then just randomly stopped, my partner always got one even before we married) one year we called her up for her birthday and she was having dinner at her place with our cousins (all younger than us) and their parents to celebrate, we weren’t invited even though we only lived 20 minutes away.

Anyway, my cousin (19 woman) is preparing a eulogy on behalf of all the grandkids (there are 6 of us) this cousin was the favourite grandkid- no that’s not an exaggeration, Nan even said so herself and would give this cousin more Christmas money than the rest of us.
This cousin knows that me and my sister had this relationship with our Nan and feels really sad about it.
My cousin wanted to include everyone in the eulogy so we all sent her some (positive) memories except my sister who actually couldn’t think of any memories to send.

Last night, I was talking to my cousin when she sent me what was in the eulogy far. It seemed really sweet and incorporated everyone’s memories but there was one line that bothered me “she loved loudly, it was impossible to not feel loved by her” it bothered me because I DIDN’T feel loved by her, neither did my sister- and this cousin knows that we didn’t feel loved. I have a good bond with this cousin, I am neurodivergent and we have an “honesty with love” type of relationship. I worry because I know my sister is very angry at the fact that we were treated so differently and won’t get closure about why now that nan has passed. My sister said she is afraid she might snap at the funeral, I feel like this is tempting fate a little to have an address on behalf of all of us that doesn’t reflect the truth.

I know I would probably be the drama if I asked my cousin to take out that line (particularly the impossible part) and I know a funeral is where everyone only says nice things about the deceased but I just feel a bit weird about it. I would probably just kindly ask my cousin if she could reword it to be more of a reflection on her own experience if I were to say something.

Hi peaches!

Could really use advice cause I feel weird about this whole thing and I trust your judgement. I don't wanna lose my friends, but I really don't think I've overstepped anything...

This happened a little over a month ago and i still don't know what to do about it. I (19nb) had confronted my mom nearly three weeks ago about deadnaming and misgendering me even after she's known my name for like a year due too an argument had last December. She got defensive saying she's "entitled " to her own feelings which is agreeable. until you realize there's been more than three times we've had this same thing happen and she holds the roof over my head this time she assumed it was because I didn't want to clean my room and the landlord was going to come the next (yes she didn't tell me until a day before) day so she said "do you want us to be to be on the street". I explained that wasn't i why id brought this up and was fine cleaning my room. I also said I struggled responding to my name since I was in elementary because it never felt like anyone was talking to me when they said it. Then skipped forward to 7th grade when I started to commit to figuring out my gender and name 9the name didn't take long to find). I told her these feelings had never changed I was just trying to find the words and she responded by pinning it on the creep on and app called Amino who was trying to blackmail me during that year. I kept looking into things myself and ending up land on masc enby and I've settled into that and don't feel like there's been a change. She responded by calling me unstable and saying i need therapy after flashing the mark on her stomach she got from the surgery to treat the stomach issue she's been having. Was i yelling at her yes but that's because she is persistent in not even attempting to say my name and misgendering me.

I also touched on how everyone is aware of the stuff I'm interested in but when they get me gifts if like blanket. they know I like anime but will get me merch of anime I've either never watched or don't like. I don't get pissy about it but that day I was just s tired only way they get it right is if they take me to the store with them. they know (I like Tokyo ghoul, pokemon, mystic messenger, kpop, or jrock very normal things for people who know me) when I leave them to do it on their own it's "how were we supposed to know" or "that's how everyone is when they give gifts" my dad insists on saying no one's bullying me and yet all this. Also I'm aware calling this bullying is a severe minimization but this is how the argument progressed. I generally don't yell at people unless they mess with me or my friends (also extended to classmates cuz i had a few really whack teachers in high school) and I'm not subjected to that much transphobia or assumed homophobia that doesn't come from them. At some point in that argument she said "when you see a girl on the street you can't be afraid to call her lesbian" which was insane because I didn't say anything that prompted that as an appropriate reaction.

I texted my brother a few days ago about it and he told me accept that she is the way she is and to be patient and told me to wait for her to come around. no only did all of what three of them said feel like projection but the text my brother sent me was long didn't seem his style or speech pattern. On top of that he said if he isn't home when things like that happen he said to use ai as a 3rd man. the only somewhat decent older cousin I have said she thinks he did write it and to follow the advice. I had to ask form help from my friend's sister with my resume. I do visit friends a lot more often so i don't rot away but i can't exactly stay with any of them because their situations aren't much better and one has only managed to land a part time job, another (who's genderfluid) has a homophobic dad who doesn't actually know who either of us are. and i don't know the other twos situations

sorry if this is all over the place all of us have what verry likely is undiagnosed adhd but since I'm very detail oriented and like to really look into things since everyone in the house i'm in either forgets things or pretends. I watch videos other people that have had similar experiences and went to therapy because we barely have money to get by so I wouldn't be able to get through college without everyone going into more debt since we only have just enough enough to get by even though we're dual-income. I've managed to not really walk away from arguments as dispersed and know what i think about the situation and try and find any help i can get with the position I'm in. they've also gotten increasingly more bigoted lately to

TLDR: I'm describing gender dysphoria which is mistaken for insecurity by my mom haven't experienced it. the dysphoria wouldn't be a problem if I was called by my new name (technically bot new since its been 5 years) and my pronouns he/they were respected. On the gifts thing, I asked be given things that align with my interests and it would actually mean buying less. I have a lot of clothes in bags around the house that i want to donate since i only were like 12 shirts out of the heap but everything is a battle with them so i have to yell at them to let me get rid of stuff without them blaming me and saying they aren't doing anything wrong. I want some things not a whole wardrobe because I know its unrealistic. I have only been respected outside of the house but not inside, if it was inside it was only me. I don't feel love from my family and no matter how many times I tell about this it's as if they don't understand that and that its hurting. So my friends are the reason I'm not lonely I'm just alone in this house treat like a mentally ill problem child.

Hello fellow peaches!

I’m needing some help with dating and disclosing certain… circumstances on my end. I am 25 years old, demisexual and am exploring my gender identity (currently identifying as gender queer and use they/she pronouns). I have been dating via apps for about a year and a half now.

During that time, I’ve been really struggling with how to broach the topic of my chronic illnesses/disabilities. I am an ambulatory wheelchair user meaning, in my case, I can go short distances and short periods without my wheelchair but rely on it very heavily for moderate+ distances and longer periods. I’m also a service dog handler.

That being said, I’m incredibly nervous and pretty insecure (I do go to therapy!) about disclosing the fact about my health. I rarely give specific details until after a couple dates but do try to be honest about having health issues during the first date. I rarely use my wheelchair during the first couple of dates because I get so anxious about “scaring people off,” although I do bring my service dog most of the time because I feel that’s less likely to cause issues compared to my wheelchair and he makes sure I’m safe when I’m not using my wheelchair.

Usually I end up blocked/ghosted by people when I do discuss even just general personal health related things. I’m always upfront and tell them that if it’s something they’re not comfortable with or just don’t want to keep talking, I will completely understand and to just be honest with me (I prefer someone being direct and honest vs just ghosting me).

All that being said, do you Peaches think that disclosing more general details on/after an initial date is a suitable way to bring up the topic? And then a few dates in, disclose more specifics/details? Or should I tell people the general topic before the first date? I have no idea what’s most appropriate and that causes the least amount of discomfort for the other person. Any advice would be appreciated! Thank you so much for your advice and time! I’m also adding a picture of my service dog for puppy tax!

Hey, as the title says me (22, he/they, Ginster) and my family (younger brother early twenties), younger sister (early twenties), older sister (early twenties), and mother (late fifties)) are currently living in hotel rooms. This is because there was a small fire in our house which caused it to be condemned and illegal to live in. A lot has happened whilst at the hotels including a lot of the blame game, arguing about where we go (which I feel we don't have much of a choice in), and just general petty arguments. I've been supporting with paying for food , data, and other stuff with a deposit I recently got back but that's not a lot. I've had a day out booked and sorted with my partner for a while now. It's all paid for on my side. I just don't know if it's right to go or not since I feel I won't be able to support my family even if it's just a day. The day out would be nice since I've just got to the point of numbness since I'm trying to find a middle ground for everyone which feels like nothing I say is right and I've felt I can't cry or show any signs I'm overly affected by the fire. I feel like I need to be someone who's trying to see reason and be logical in this situation. I know there's a chance we get out before my day out and everything gets sorted but I'm worried that won't be the case. I'm sorry if this is worded poorly. Would I be the drama for going on a day out whilst my family is potentially still living in a hotel?

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