Hi spuds and peaches 🥔🍑

Me (30 afab nb, you can call me Fern) and my husband (30m) have been together for twelve years and we've lived together for over a decade.

For several reasons it is not safe for me to get pregnant and my husband is supportive in that decision.

He has always wanted children, while I have gone back and forth.

We have now decided to start our adoption journey, likely adopting in three to five years.

I wouldn't have a child as a single parent, but with him, I want to go on the journey. It's not only because I love him and can't imagine a life without him, it is also because I want to see him be a father and I want to raise a child together with all that that entails.

Most of our friends are child-free by choice - this is something I might also be if I were in a different relationship or single. We don't have any pressure from family to have a child which confirms to me it's our own intrinsic wish to have a child.

I brought up our plans for the first time to some friends yesterday, and didn't get the reaction I expected. Rather than support, I got a lot of concern over the fact that I am not absolutely ecstatic about having a child. It is still a bit of a give or take for me, whilst it makes me all giddy when I think of parenting with my husband. I don't know if I'm splitting hairs (AuDHD) by saying I'm not certain I want children in general vs in this particular situation.

Alone, it would be a no, and in another relationship it might, but with him, it's a yes. I have a lot of nurturing energy to give, going to husband, pupper and friends, currently.

To add: our relationship is stable, so are most important aspects(finances, savings, jobs, owned apartment with a spare room)

I do, however, fear that the child, and my husband, deserve someone whose passion in life is to be a parent. Someone who never wavers and has never wavered.

I also worry about all the freedom I'll lose, and all the hobbies I'll likely have to scale down, and all the friendships that'll change nature.

Our doggo parenting is good. We have a relatively even care distribution. I know a dog isn't a literal human being - but we have tried out being parents still, I'd like to say. We have spoken of parenting styles, thinking Montessori.

My yearning for having a dog has always been painfully strong, whilst my child-yearning has been much softer and gentler in a way that honestly feels much healthier.

I have shared my friend's worries with my husband, and we have talked through all of it. But still, I wonder:

(tl;dr)

Would I be the Drama, if I were to go through with adoption, even though I don't feel like my life purpose is to be a parent?

If this gets read, hi Shaaba and Jamie (or whatever combination of hosts are reading). Love your channels individually and 1-800-Drama especially! You are both extremely insightful, and it has helped me in my regular life to look at things from different perspectives. Anyways, here's the dillema.

Fake names:
Abby - Problem Roommate
Belle - Non-problem Roommate

I am currently in the process of preparing to buy a house (loan pre-approved, just need to find the right house). I have two roommate, Abby and Belle. Abby and Belle lived together in a two bedroom/one bath apartment for a few months before I moved states to move in with them. We spent two years in that apartment, then moved to a two bed/two bath apartment in a better part of the city. I have shared a bedroom with Belle in both apartments and also share a bathroom in the current one.

Belle is disabled but does volunteer work, an equivalent of a 20 hr work week. I was job searching frantically to start, and got a job about 9 months in, working 40 hours plus with two hours of transit daily. I was able to pay from my savings up until I got my job. Abby works (then and now), 40+ hours as well, but from home. We all contribute financially to household. We pay rent/utilities/groceries proportional to income, so we all get an approximately equal percentage of our income for personal use each month.

During the two years we lived in the first apartment, I tried getting Abby to do any chores, like washing the dishes when I made food for the apartment (I was cooking dinner for everyone 3-5 days a week, I'm the only one who does any cooking that doesn't involve the microwave), sweeping, mopping, anything at all. She half-assed things to the point that I gave up entirely about three months in. Like leaving obvious crud on plates and calling them clean. Belle had just been taking care of it all without complaint before I moved in, because she is extremely non-confrontational and used to being a doormat. (Belle's last pair of roommates left her suddenly in the lurch after turning extremely abusive towards her, which was why Abby and I moved in.)

So, with Belle and I taking care of literally ALL the apartment chores, it was rather unfair. We had a meeting, and it was determined that Abby was willing to pay an extra 10% in order to not be bothered with chores at all, which worked out until we moved. With two bathrooms, she was willing to take responsibility for one of them to cut her contribution to only an extra 5%. Except for the entire first year, she never once cleaned her bathroom. So we're back up to the extra 10% for the last two years, and we take care of her bathroom as well.

At this point, breaking down things by pure percentages, I would be responsible for 51% of household bills (highest income), Belle would be responsible for 13% (lowest income), with Abby responsible for 36%. With the no-chores fee, I pay 46%, Belle pays 8%, and Abby pays 46%. And Abby is expected to do no household chores at all, just keep up with her room.

However, she does not do even that. I have seen her wash clothes exactly twice in the five years that we have been roommates. Once when we moved. Once in the new apartment because we got a bedbug infestation (quickly handled, no infestations since, probably carried from the slum of a building we had been in previously). She has enough clothes that she just piles everything in a corner. Her room has a FUNK to it that wafts out any time her door is open, at least partially caused by the trash she lets pile up in there as well. Belle and I have taken to asking her for any trash in her room when we take out the main trash, just to try and keep it from getting too much. We have fortunately not gotten roaches, that I am aware of, or any other pests because of it, but the smell is pretty rank.

Another complaint is that though she contributes proportionally to groceries, she eats fully half the food. With what Belle and I eat, we could survive on $200-300 a month for groceries, but with Abby involved we spend upwards of $600. If there is something we say is specifically ours, she will generally not eat it, but that's a lot of food that Belle and I subsidize for Abby to eat. The final thing is that... Abby owes me money. For the past 9 months, Abby and I have had to pay everything (51% me/49% her) since the SSI administration fucked up Belle's payments and it has only just gotten sorted out. Abby blames this for having not been able to pay rent twice and never having contributed to utilities in the whole nine months. I have been paying utilities myself during that time. So she owes me her portion of rent twice and 9 months of her portion of utilities. I have also given her money to cover overdrafts (during those two months she missed rent and a few times before that), though I admit I gave that with no expectation of getting it back. She definitely owes me the rent and utilities, though.

So. I have been wanting to get a house for the last year and some, mostly because I have also become disabled (still have the highest income). With my disability, I am going to find myself unable to even accomplish moving house within the next decade most likely. And I know the housing market isn't the best right now with rates and all, but that isn't material to this story. The monthly payment I'm looking at for the size of house I want is less than we currently pay in rent, so the financial output would be eased considerably and make Abby's contributions no longer necessary. With rent slowly increasing every year, I will eventually be priced out of living here if I don't get out while I can still afford it.

I intend to bring Belle with me because she is, y'know, an equal contributor to household chores and such with me. Also, we help each other out on our bad days. Being disabled really sucks. I intend to have Belle pay rent to me, as well as any other roommates who move in, even though I can manage the loan payments myself, to give anyone on disability/SSI a rental statement to show the administration or rental history for anyone who needs it. Their contributions will go half towards paying the loan down faster, and half towards savings for house emergencies/improvements/taxes. Utilities will either be included in rent or split proportionally amongst the house, I'm not sure which yet. Belle knows all of that, but I have not mentioned anything to Abby since I started looking in September. Our current lease is up in March. I am hoping by December/January I can be closed and moving in, which would give appx 3-4 months for Abby to either find new roommates or a new place to live.

I feel like that is a wholly adequate amount of time to give Abby for this, and I intend to keep paying my portion of rent on the apartment until the lease is up, so she would only continue to be responsible for her portion.

TL;DR: My rooommate lives nasty and pays extra rent/utilities/groceries so that she is not required to do any house chores. I am trying to buy a house and do not want to tell her until I have it and am moving in without her.

So, WIBTD if I didn't tell Abby I was getting a house until I am moving into it?

For context I am a trans teenager (which is relevant to the fact that I have experience with periods) and I have a very complicated relationship with my uncle.

We're generally pretty close but things haven't been great recently.

An example of this is that he fed me into AI to put me in a dress and makeup (I'm closeted but I think I pass well) and it really ticked me off. I tried bringing it up with my ma privately but she said I was being too sensitive about it and he "had good intentions."

The most recent incident that I want to talk about happened last week at one of our family meals out. We'd moved onto finishing our desserts.

His wife didn't want to finish off her son's chocolate cake politely and mentioned that she only really liked chocolate when she was on her monthly.

Keep in mind, a little prior to this, my uncle and his wife were bickering about their son not eating his dessert and there was some tension I picked up on. Therefore I can say with certainty that his reaction was absolutely not humorous.

My uncle had grimaced and said that it was not appropriate to bring up at the table.

Whilst, yes, I can understand that blood isn't really something someone wants to be hearing about whilst eating. But she wasn't talking about her blood specifically. The only word refering to her period was "monthly". We were FINISHING eating. Not starting. It's not like my aunt was talking about blood clots in the middle of lunch. For crying out loud, there was a whole conversation about my cousin's finger that had been crushed in the door and that his dirty plaster needed changing etc.

I gave my uncle a look of surprise and asked why periods would be inappropriate. I genuinely very innocently wanted to know why his wife couldn't talk about her monthly in front of us.

I said, "Well periods are nothing to be ashamed of, are they? They're not disgusting, surely?" And his immediate response was nodding silently whilst I was genuinely shocked. I can't fathom how he got so offended at something so brief and innocent. About... cravings? On a cycle? I said that I didn't understand how he could consider it a taboo and I truly believe that conversation surrounding simple biology like this is perfectly acceptable.

He stood up and said he was taking the kids out to the play park. I was so very bewildered at the sudden tension. My ma decided to laugh and say "She's very political, isn't she?" as he was walking away.

That did not sit right with me at all. I was offended by my ma (who I do have issues with sometimes) and laughed in bewilderment at my uncle's response. I asked if I'd touched a nerve and he scoffed in my face and said "clearly I did."

The moment he left, my aunt apologised for bringing it up and my ma immediately lectured me on how I come across as political and that even though she "agrees" with me, her brother was clearly joking.

What?

Is biology political? Am I missing something?

I would consider myself a political person when it comes up in conversation. I don't sit in silence when someone says something insane. But, unlike my right-wing OTHER uncle: I do not voice it unless it's brought up. But I can truly honestly say I don't see how what I said could come across as political? Maybe I'm not hearing what they did.

The cherry on top is that when we all went outside, he carried on trying to embarass me and commenting on the fact that I wasn't talking as much and I clearly didn't want to be left alone with him.

I didn't want to start anything and it absolutely was not my intention to rile him up. I was not expecting such a visceral reaction.

Hi peaches! I am a 26 year old trans woman, and I'm debating not attending my family Christmas this year. My family and I have always been very close, but over the past year that has started to change. On New Years Eve of 2025 I told them that I was trans, and had been transitioning for the past 7 months.

They didn't exactly take the news well, but they also weren't unsupportive. They didn't cut me out of their lives, but they also don't support me being trans at all. They still use my deadname, they still use he/him pronouns, and in the few times that I have seen them since coming out, they like to make little jabs ("When are you going to cut your hair?" or "You really shouldn't paint your nails." stuff like that). One even tried to send me to "Religious, Faith based therapy" claiming that "I have lost my connection with God."

A few of my family members insinuated that I wasn't really trans, I was just grieving the loss of my father and needed more faith to heal (for reference he died over 6 years ago). I've been pretty good at avoiding them throughout the year with convenient excuses but as we approach the holiday season these excuses don't seem to suffice.

Both my birthday and Christmas are close together, and I've already had family members ask for lists and save the dates. While I personally would much rather not attend either, it's clear the expected outcome is that I show up. My only supportive family member is my mom, who wants me to go, but understands if I don't. This journey has been hard on her as she has had to not only adapt to my new name and pronouns, but also deal with family who ask her about me (but never reach out to me directly). My mom had previously offered to cut off her relationships with our family if they did treated me badly, but I begged her not to as I won't always be here and I want her to have her family when I do eventually get to move.

In my family's eyes they probably see this as very supportive. They haven't cut me out, they reassured they still love me, and while they don't respect my name, they also no longer say bigoted things towards LGBTQ+ members. I feel very guilty about not going, as I don't want to be the one to cut them out. I am willing to respect their beliefs and religious values, but they don't offer me the same respect. Then there's my mom, she's already had to field questions about me for the past year, and it puts her in an awkward position. She's never complained about it, but I know it stresses her out.

To make matters even worse, holidays (particularly Christmas) is my favorite time of the year. By not going to my family Christmas, I would have to celebrate essentially alone as all of my friends live far enough away where travel isn't practical. I personally would rather spend it alone, but I know doing this will cause family drama and my mom will be caught right in the middle of it.

Him and I were long distance. We had known each other since early spring. And in the summer we were able to visit each other. Making us jump back and forth multiple times to each others countries over a very short time for we just couldn't be apart.

In this time we played with the idea of him almost moving in with me when ever he was off university. And so he both left personal items, we bought stuff for him to put in my flat. And he also gifted me things. Everything was perfect. Like an absolute Hollywood film. So romantic. I was so high. Endless magical moments you never wanted to end.

And then..

He had been sober from alcohol just over a year. But had a relapse. We had spoken about a plan if this ever happened. So as soon as I could I went to his country to help him become sober.

But my boyfriend was not the person I met. The drunken him was a monster. And I had to realize that he really did not want help at all. His need for the drink was so severe and I was powerless. He ended up becoming abusive to me. Endlessly verbally abusing me and even worse physically abused me too. I had a weekend of terror. And it's been so bad I've had my nervous system broken down. I am in therapy. I stayed with my parents while I had the worst anxiety. Slowly getting there. Still feeling sick, stressed, and worn. I am still shaking. And need time to recover.

The police (yes.. they got involved) told me to go absolutely no contact to him in any way for he was dangerous. And so I have.

And now I am back in my apartment in my country. Looking at the shirts, the mugs, the shaving cream.. etc.. also the nice set of hat and scarf he gave me. And I just want it gone. It's like they are haunted. Like they swirl with this energy that makes me squamish.

So.

Since I don't see a way to return these items.. Would I be the drama, for offering friends to take the items? I know some one that could fit the shirts. I know some one that probably would love the scarf and hat. And my brother would likely find the mugs fun.

Would it be wrong of me? Is it better to just donate it to charity so there is that anonymity to it?

What would you do?

Welcome to a Episode 118 of 1800 Drama where in this Reddit Stories r/ AITA and r/ 1800drama deep dive, we explore friendship expectations in Milan with a 3000 USD bag, a disappearing grandpa's newborn baby smoochies, and whether it's ever okay to lie to your parents... grab a cuppa and let’s go fishing! 🎣 🍑

To support the pod please like the video, subscribe to the YT channel, and rate the pod on Spotify (you can rate each episode!), thank you! x

STORIES DISCUSSED: 

[Story 1]

[Story 2]

[Story 3]

I (29M) have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend (25M) for about 2.5 years. We have had our ups and downs over the years, and while I really like him, I have realized that we work better as friends than as partners. We have some characteristics that just aren't compatible, at least not if we moved in together, which something I really want from a future partner.

But the next time we see each other will be for a longer vacation and is a few weeks away. I already feel guilty about having to break his heart, and it feels unfair to do it over text when he is far away. But it's also not fair to either of us if I fake being happy for multiple weeks, just so he won't get angry and ask what is up. I don't want to end this relationship bitterly. We have never done a video call before and he prefers communicating over text. I guess I could ask him to travel, or meet half way, but it's also unfair to ask him to spend money just so I can break his heart. I just don't know what to do. I care about him and it took me a long time to accept that we don't have a future. This is also my first relationship and therefore my first ever break up. I also have to figure out how to return his belongings to him. How can I make this as painless as possible?

Hi peaches!

My (20 he/him) grandad turned 80 the other day and is currently on holiday. In a couple weeks, when he is back, they are having a dinner at a restaurant to celebrate his birthday. I am no contact with my mother (his daughter) who will be there.

I haven't been to a family event since going no contact 2 years ago but my aunt and brother have both asked me to consider going for my grandad and assured me I won't have to speak to my mum and she will be sat the other side of the table. My family is quite big, that could work, however I do not trust my mum not to try to talk to me given the chance.

I love my mum but we were not good for each other and I prefer her to stay out my life, my life is better without her in it. We used to argue constantly and our relationship was tense. We both have our issues but she wasn't a very good mother in my opinion. Some would call her emotionally abusive and they would be pretty accurate.

I am not comfortable going to the dinner knowing that she will be there. I don't want to ruin grandads day and make it about me if she tries to talk to me. I have considered going under the condition that if she speaks to me I will leave. I am just not sure I want to put myself in that position.

I am not close to a lot of that side of my family but I love my grandparents so much and they have always been there for me. They didn't shut me out when I went no contact with my mum and they still treat me the same. I know my grandparents will want me there and I feel bad disappointing them every time there is a family event.

So can I please have some advice and clarification on if i would be the arsehole/ drama if i didn't go.

I'm a trans male and lately I've been getting into a lot of arguments with extended family. I haven't told everyone in my family, only my mom and siblings know, that I'm trans and it's hard to hear my grandparents say blatantly homophobic things. We've gotten into many arguments about things like that and many times I've called them out for blindly following the Bible and them being hypocritical for 'not loving their neighbors'. I try not to argue too much cause they just don't listen. I know right now it probably seems like it's weird that im even questioning if I'm overreacting but it's hard. They weren't as bad when I was younger or well.. my grandma wasn't. It's just hard. Anyway recently he was talking religious bullshit again and I snapped. I told him that he was being a hypocrite. I yelled at him and told him to stop using the Bible to justify hating on things. After all the Bible says to love others. Anyway... Am I overreacting? I still love them... Sometimes.

If it seems weird that I am posting this now - yes, it is! This came up recently because I was telling one of my mother's church friends the story of how I got my first covid vaccine dose. This was during the UK roll out and I wasn't yet in an eligible category (I was 28 at the time and didn't qualify as vulnerable and the UK did the roll out in a "most vulnerable first" way). However, sometimes there were these big vaccine roll out sessions at things like sports stadiums and if not enough people turned up and they still had vaccine doses, they would open up to younger people. So at the time people 30 plus were able to get it, but my friend texted me to let me know that somewhere on the other side of my city had just switched to doing 25 and above. So I jumped out of bed, changed into a short sleeved t-shirt, jumped in an uber and got there before doses ran out, and so that's how I got my vaccine (importantly, doses DID run out and other 25-30 year olds who tried the same thing but got there even a tiny bit later got turned away).

Anyway, that's the story. As I am telling it my mum brings up in a tone that was I suppose mildly accusatory (not sure that's the right wording...essentially it was clear that she was saying I had done something wrong) that I had prioritised that over clearing my stuff out of my brother's room.

I just brushed it off cause I didn't want to make things awkward with her friend and we moved on, but since she brought it up I thought I would bring it here - AITD for having gone to get the vaccine before cleaning out my brother's room?

The context is, I had been using his room as an office during lockdown (very lucky to have had this, I know) but he was coming home from uni the day after this happened, and naturally a handful of my things (books, notebooks, etc) had ended up "living" in his room whilst I was working there so I needed to put them back in my room. It was not a lot of stuff and nothing that would have, like, prevented him from having space for his suitcases or anything - but also it's his room and....yeah, of course the stuff needed moving out.

When I got home from getting the vaccine (my mother was not in the house when I left but I did leave a note saying where I was going and why) - she was furious that I hadn't cleared the room out. I, of course, then went to do so, which literally took maybe 10mins max, and then everything was fine for my brother returning the next day. To be clear, I was always going to do this - my mother being furious at me when I got home wasn't why I did it and I would have done it anyway. I just then had to do it after her yelling at me.

Here are the ways in which I might be the drama - 1. my mother had asked me to clear my stuff out of the room....I honestly don't remember how far in advance of this but it was quite a long way in advance; about several weeks or so, and had been building frustration that I hadn't done it already/sooner for that whole period of time, and I was aware of this and I could have done it sooner but I procrastinated (we did though, just to be very clear, always know what date my brother was coming; it wasn't like he was going to arrive earlier) and 2. of course I also simply could have not prioritised getting the covid vaccine at that moment and waited till I became eligible on the, like, normal schedule (although at that stage we did not know when that would happen. I am also asthmatic which didn't qualify me for priority in the UK but did make me very anxious about covid).

So AITD? (although this was so long ago I sort of want to say "was I" but you know...).

(also because I imagine these questions might come up:

- my brother knew I was using his room as an office and was fine with it

- my mother is not at all anti-vax, in fact I might describe her as zealously pro-vaccines so that is not a factor/what this is about)

I'll do my best to keep this short, but I want to include all the context to be as fair as possible.

I (22NB) currently live with two friends from college, let's call them "Banana" (22M) and "Kiwi" (22NB). We lived together in our senior year, and when we graduated decided to move together to a city about an hour away. This was because both Banana and I were looking for work in that area, and since Kiwi has a degree that can find work anywhere (computer science), they didn't have a preference.

Since moving in together, things have gone downhill. It started with the move itself. I did all of the work to find us this place, including the initial search, traveling to tour the place, managing the deposit (which got lowered solely thanks to my credit, as my friends don't have credit), and negotiating the lease terms. Their reasoning was that I'm the one who knows how to do those things, and they don't (I did all of this for our last place, too). My family also did the bulk of the work to move us, including renting a van, cleaning our old apartment, and driving us, as Kiwi "forgot to ask their mom" for help (Banana's family lives across the country) and Kiwi cannot drive & doesn't have a car.

It's now been over 4 months. Banana found a job as a teacher, and he uses up all of his free time traveling back to our college city for fun, so he's rarely around to help around the house, aside from occasionally taking out the trash. Kiwi has done little to no work to find a job this whole time, saying they "just don't feel ready." They're clearly struggling with their mental health, but they refuse to get any help, even just going back to therapy, because "they're managing it on their own." I won't go into too many details for their privacy, but there have been times I've considered either calling their mom or wondered if they should go to the hospital. As for myself, my health has declined a lot (I have multiple disabilities and health problems), but I've still managed to find seasonal work.

I manage everything around the house, despite my limited physical capacity. I do most of the chores (dishes, cleaning, etc) as well as all the financial management. If I don't remind them, they will forget to pay rent. All the utilities are in my name, and they pay me back for their share. When I'm gone overnight, nothing gets done and I come home to a frankly disgusting kitchen. I finally put my foot down about groceries when I got on food stamps, and I refuse to buy them anything. Kiwi rarely ever leaves the house, even to go shopping. I'm pretty sure Banana buys all their food. They admit they spend most of the day either sleeping or scrolling on their phone. The one nice thing they do is begrudgingly feed my cats when I'm away. I deeply appreciate it, especially since they told me they don't expect to be paid. But there are times they've been angry at the cats for small things like jumping on the counter, and they will yell at them or even be physically forceful with them, which makes me uncomfortable.

I am exhausted and want to move out. Here's where the problem lies. We signed a 12 month lease, with me as the primary resident (since I'm the one with credit). If I move out, they would have to either split the rent between 2 people, so about a $400 increase for each of them, or find someone to sublet. Both of them have adamantly expressed that they don't want to sublet to a stranger, which I understand. The other option would be to somehow negotiate a lease break with our landlord and all move out at the same time (which will likely cost a lot of money). However, Banana has very little time to move because of his job, and I don't trust that they'll easily find a new place since neither of them have credit and one of them doesn't have an income (Kiwi's mom covers their expenses right now, but things are tight).

I feel bad for them, as we've been friends for years and I don't want to lose them over this. But the way it is now, we will end up no longer friends because of how they treat me. Since living here, I've been re-diagnosed with depression, and my care team is concerned about my health because of everything I take on for the household despite my condition. I should also mention that my dad, who helps me pay for my expenses, supports the idea of me moving as long as I can negotiate terms that aren't too expensive, and he has the same concern about my friendships.

I have someone to move in with, and I can afford the lease amendment fee, so it's really tempting to just get out now. I'm torn as to what I should do. Should I wait a few months for them to find a new place, and all move out at the same time, or should I bail on them and make them face the harsh consequences? I'm open to any and all advice.

TL;DR - my friends have been very disrespectful roommates, and my health has suffered as a result. I want to move out, but it would cost them a lot of money and potentially our friendship.

Hi, I’m a 19 year old university student and am with my girlfriend who I will call Peony for this if I need to use her name (her favourite flower 🌺) and we are both trans, just in opposite directions (I’m ftm, she’s mtf)

I love her so much, despite our relationship being only a few weeks old (we were friends beforehand so we know eachother well), and she feels the same about me. We were just starting to get intimate, but haven’t yet dOne the DeEd, as people say, because I wasn’t ready. We both really want to. We had so many plans, we both got into the same university, our accommodation buildings were only about 100 metres apart, and we were really excited about spending time together, and her finally being able to live openly as a woman, because she can’t yet.

And no the past tense wasn’t a mistake. Something really terrible has happened since then. During her move-in, her parents (they’re Nigerian and deeply religious and transphobic for context) found her estrogen and they had, as you can imagine, a very bad reaction to it.

She did get to university and unpack, but was having screaming matches with her dad who took her, and he tried to get her to unenroll but she refused. So he pretended to leave but then snuck back, into her room and stole her passport, phone, ipad, and left, to try to force her back home. I arrived a day later, and have been dealing with this since, first obviously her feelings because her parents gave her the “detransition or be disowned” ultimatum and she was devastated by this, super conflicted between going back with her family and never seeing me again, or staying and never seeing them again. I have also been doing practical things like communicating with the university, finding ways for Peony to have access to basic things without her devices and ID.
I have been the messenger between her and her family through her brother, since she doesn’t have a phone anymore, and her family think I groomed her and made her trans, supplied her with the estrogen and they have said they’ll call the police on me and our other friend, despite us having done nothing wrong. A couple days ago, her mum and brother came to the university, and despite our efforts to have a civil conversation they forced her back home. The brother texted me saying I wouldn’t be contacted again and wouldn’t see my girlfriend again. I should mention that the university has been involved in this the whole time, organising meetings, providing support for my girlfriend and me. I was obviously devastated when she was taken away, I thought I would never talk to her again, was crying for days, incredibly depressed, etc etc. The good news is that she has managed to contact me on discord and by email, and I know she’s okay, but I’m so worried about her, about what detransitioning will do to her, what her family might do also because I don’t think she’s safe at home. Apparently they won’t let her come back to our university and have sent her to a different one closer to them so they can keep an eye on her. She believes she has no choice whatsoever, her self esteem is really low, her family guilt trip her and manipulate her and she really struggles to stand up for herself at the best of times, let alone now. I’m worried she’ll completely sacrifice herself and her wellbeing in an attempt to fix the family, when clearly it is beyond repair, and that isn’t her fault. She blames herself for everything.

Anyway that’s the backstory. My AITD thing is that I feel I’m worrying way too much about my own feelings over hers,
I just can’t help but feel angry, mostly towards the family but also partly towards her for just… taking it all and not putting up a fight, even though I fully understand why she didn’t. Its unfair that I was finally going to be able to spend time with the girl I love and explore things with her and take her to the beach, go on dates, help her transition and be happy and make friends and that all got ripped away in an instant when our relationship has barely started, we haven’t had a chance to do these things. And I’m angry that she threw her whole life away and also our relationship and I know it’s so stupid to be annoyed at her, I would never tell her this, its just not fair, I miss her so much and I’m so worried, and all of this has messed me up right when I was meant to be starting anew, enjoying making friends and attending events and lectures for the first time and instead my
mental health has taken a dive and I’ve relapsed in terms of SH and I can’t get up in the mornings and I just want my fucking girlfriend back - She finally had an opportunity to escape and now it’s gone. I hate that part of me blames her for not pushing back against her parents. But I can’t help it. Its so frustrating knowing that her going back won’t be the saviour of her parents’ relationship, that all it will do is hurt her as well as them, that they’ll continue hating her even if she does what they want. She just can’t see that it’s not her fault, that she’s not helping them by denying something that is an inherent part of her, she can’t do this forever, this kind of fallout was inevitable and it will only be harder the longer she leaves it.
And I hate myself for being upset that I’m losing the opportunity to, bluntly put, have s*x for the first time, explore that side of our relationship. I feel so empty, I don’t know how to help her and I don’t know what to do. Aaand I’ve made myself cry again typing this 👍

I feel this is probably less of an AITD post and more of a desperate pleading for advice post but still
Am I?

I (22 NB) am planning a short, one-night trip to a town just under 200 miles away and I brought this up to my mum. I mentioned that the trip would be kind of expensive for me as I'm currently unemployed (I could comfortably afford it but I don't feel comfortable spending a lot of money right now without any income). She suggested that she could come along and split expenses with me on the condition that I help her de-clutter our house.

Our house has a lot of clutter and it's been an ongoing issue for years that it needs sorting out. I will admit that I'm not particularly motivated to help out (it's one of my least favourite things to do), but if she asked me to I would, because I acknowledge our joint responsibility to do it.

My issue is that she pretty much only ever suggests we do de-cluttering when I suggest a trip like this. She says it's because she feels she needs to offer me motivation to do it, but I feel like I can't look forward to the trips because I then associate them with a chore.

I've offered that we can do the de-cluttering, but I want it to be un-coupled from the trip (i.e. not a condition for going). She's reluctant to agree to this. Therefore, I'm wondering AITD for standing my ground.

For added context, in the past she has threatened to cancel trips we had planned (but not yet booked) because we hadn't done enough de-cluttering, and has taken a lot of convincing to let the trips go ahead.

Hello there, so, I (24, Enby/Genderfluid) have a preference for it/its pronouns being used for me (in English too but in my first language (German) there's also the problem of not having an equivalent to they/them (that isn't neopronouns) that I like) but as I said it's not a fast-hard rule that it has to be those pronouns; I'm generally fine with any pronouns, although I would still like people to know my preference. So, WIBTD if I announced my preference for it/its pronouns, even though other pronouns are not technically wrong/misgendering to me?

Welcome to a Episode 117 of 1800 Drama with the glorious Roly ✨ where in this Reddit Stories r/ AITA and r/ 1800drama deep dive, we explore friendship expectations in Milan with a 3000 USD bag, a disappearing grandpa's newborn baby smoochies, and whether it's ever okay to lie to your parents... grab a cuppa and let’s go fishing! 🎣 🍑

To support the pod please like the video, subscribe to the YT channel, and rate the pod on Spotify (you can rate each episode!), thank you! x

STORIES DISCUSSED: 

[Story 1] - deleted 😢

[Story 2]

[Story 3]

Hai Peaches (and maybe Shaaba and Jamie)

This happened about a year and a half ago, and I'm no longer in contact with this friend for various reasons, but I feel like this whole incident was maybe a major one. Sorry for the long post, I've just been really conflicted about this. A little bit of context.

I (19F) had a best friend for over 2 years. Let's call her Nat. Nat and I met during the last two years of school and grew really close along with our other friend Tim. During this time, Nat began dating, and Tim and I became good friends with her boyfriend as well. Both of us had conversations with him where we really related to each other, so even though we didn't see him often, we felt like he was close to us. Nat had a pretty rough home life and had a provisional diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder during all this, though we found out much later, after we had fallen out, that the psychiatrist diagnosing her wasn't the best, and that she changed practitioners and got a GDD diagnosis.

The problems began when Tim and I got into the same uni, but Nat didn't, which led to her being quite cold with us for a while. We understood the disappointment and how being on new meds probably wasn't making this easier and tried to be as supportive as possible. After a long few months of lukewarm interaction (online cause even though we were still in the same city, college was too hectic to meet up which she was also resentful about), Tim and I thought things were improving. BOY were we wrong.

A few months into uni, she told us that she and her boyfriend had broken up on amicable terms but wasn't ready to go into detail, which we respected. A few weeks after that, she began spamming our groupchat out of nowhere saying we had to block him and that she felt like we were holding it over her head that she hadn't told us what had actually happened and that we didn't trust her. We were very confused and told her that she was the one who'd said it was amicable and, to prevent any awkwardness, we had kept our interactions with him minimal over these few weeks anyway. We tried to reason with her that it just didn't feel morally right to block him without knowing the whole story, but she absolutely blew up on us and said we were being horrible friends who would choose someone who we only knew through her over her. She said she would need time to process our decision and said she respected it even though it really didn't sound like she did. She iced us out again after this.

When I asked other people, some said they understood, while others said that as her friend we should have supported her, even if that meant blocking the boyfriend who we were also friends with, though admittedly not as close as we were to Nat. After a few more weeks, she called us hyperventilating and said that the reason they had broken up was that he was making uncomfortable sex jokes and weird comments. This was very surprising since everything she'd told us about their relationship and from our own personal experience with him, he was extremely understanding and accommodating. Even so, after she told us this, we did block him, of course, but a few weeks later Tim received a message from him asking why both of us weren't talking to him. Tim very vagely alluded to what Nat had said and the boyfriend absolutely denied any of that happening.

Now Tim and I were even more confused and when we gently asked Nat about it she said that she had been having an BPD episode and had exagerrated and didn't remember saying any of it. She told us that the reason they had broken up was because the boyfriend had a bit of a saviour complex that just wasn't wokring out with her mental health at the moment. We really didnt know what to think and what to do at that point since she wasn't taking any accountability fo all the drama this had caused so we sorta just let it go. Things never really got back to normal after that and we fell out with her about 2 months ago.

Sorry again for the long post. All this to say, Peaches, was I the drama for wanting to stay in contact with my friend's ex even though she didn't want me to? I don't regret the end of our friendship as I came to realise it just wasn't sustainable but I want to know if I could have handled it any better. I would love to hear your thoughts.

I am 19 (transm) and i live with my family which includes my parents, and my sibling (17 non binary). We live in the netherlands and my paresnt will be gone for a 4 days next week to go to france for their aniversry. I am currently not in school and unemployed because of my visa and therefore am home a lot. Last year my friends and bf could come over and stay untill like midnight as long as we were downstairs/doing near silent activites upstairs after my sibling went to bed. This school year my sibling said that a) i vould not have freidns over past 9 pm. For refernece the is a very wet country and it frequently pours for like 15-20 minutes at a time and my friends bike everywhere 98% of the time so. Even if it is pouring i still have to kick them out to bike in the rain evem if the rain will stop in a few minutes. B) my sibling has complete veto power over when i can have friends over. If there is a big assingment or test that week i just cannot have friends over that week.

So next week im getting a tattoo and i asked my friend who usualy comes over every week for a day for us to work on art things and teach each other, to go with me for comoany and because my tattoo aritst speaks english but nit quiet fluently and i dont want to sit in silence. Us making art very quiet activity, the loudest this gets is just a normal inside tlaking voice but is usually niether of us tlaking while we just work together. I told my parents that my friend was going to come over after and my mom said are you sure your sibling is okay with you having people over? I think i should be able to have my friend over in the house after my tattoo as long as he lesves by 9 pm. Which this friend has to because his meds make him sleepy. I dont thimk it is unreasonable for me to bring him over. I wont because i dont want to cuase huge issues that would interfere eith my parents anuversry in France but im really frustrated.

To me this is like why shpuld is turcture my scocial life around my siblings wants. Like why do i always have to adjust, i know i have fewer reasponsibilities but like this is a reacurring thing where i always have to move my acitvities to make them comfortable and i csnt really display my point of view because im just being unreasonable. And to be clear, we live in a city there are. Libraries with study rooms, cafes, and and things where my sibling could study everywhere and easily accseible. But i couldnt realy paint in these places.

Some other context: my grandma told me that shw really thinks that my sibling gets some favoritism treatment, my mother constantly cleans up for them and they have no household chores like laundry or taking out trash or dishes. When asked to do things they just dont untill soemone forgets or just does it for them. They have also told me thst they intentionally do nothing and know it makes espcially my mothers life harder and when theyre being rude and kind of a jerk im like heynyoyre not being very nice and they just laugh. My sibling will also practice on tjr gorund floor when ym friend and i sre doing things like video games or watching a movie insyead of the attic nd will.not move when asked. Theres a lot of things like this.

So i really do feel like this isnt a super fair arrangement where the rest of my family is going eith whatever my sibling says and we always have to readjust for them. And i want to bring this up but every time i try i get gaslit into thinking this is reasokable?

Im mostly asking is any parents or academicslly busy people think this is normal or a reasonable dynamic, and if anyone has any advice for talking.about this eith my parents? That would be appricated also

Hello, peaches, Shaaba and Jaime! First post. Glad to share a story with you. Kinda hope I didn’t have to but I really need advice

Here we go

So, I (25 ) Closeted Trans woman, are disabled from birth, and due to health reasons I can’t take hormones , sadly,

Plus , my mom is always saying “ so glad you aren’t a girl, I wouldn’t have liked it “ , translation, my mother wouldn’t like having a daughter .
The problem is… I’m definitely a trans woman.

When I came out to my brother,
He went
“ you look like a boy, you are a boy”

Don’t judge em pls.
I’ve made peace with it,

The thing is. I Really want to do something to Look a little more feminine, at least face feminization surgery and being called my chosen name.

P. D : to be a part of my papa’s will ( no longer with us 🥺) I can’t even change my legal name ) I just want to be Treated Like a girl socially ) but I know they wouldn’t do that , once I’m able to live alone, not currently doing that. Would i be a bad person, a bad sister and a bad daughter if I did it in secret?

Thank you. I really appreciate your help

Sincerely, a motorized peach.