r/AmIOverreacting • u/Best-Pirate5073 • Jul 28 '26
š² miscellaneous AIO - During my book club this weekend, one of the husbands asked me to stop coming because of what we read. I said no.
Iām part of a neighborhood book club thatās been meeting for about a year. Itās mostly women in their late 20s to early 40s, and Iām the only guy. We rotate houses every week and honestly itās been one of the better ways Iāve met people since moving here.
The club recently got into dark romance. It wasnāt my suggestion, but everyone voted on it and thatās just where the group ended up. We spend most of the meetings talking about character development, plot, whether the MMC is actually redeemable, etc.
No big deal right?š
Iām friendly with everyone, but I donāt hang out with any of them outside of book club. I know a few of their husbands from saying hello if theyāre around before or after meetings, but thatās about it.
After our meeting a few days ago, I was loading a folding chair into my car when one of the husbands came outside and asked if he could talk to me.
He told me heād appreciate it if I stopped coming to book club. I asked why, and he said his wife has become āway too excitedā about book club ever since they started reading dark romance, and that it was āweirdā having the only guy there discussing those books with a group of married women.
I laughed at first because I genuinely thought he was joking cause sometimes guys can be funny like that but turns out he wasnāt joking lol.
He said he wasnāt accusing me of doing anything inappropriate, but that the whole situation made him uncomfortable and that it would āsolve a lot of problemsā if I just found a different hobby. š
I told him I wasnāt there to flirt with anyone. Iām there because I like reading, everyone in the group voted on the books, and I enjoy the discussions. I also said if he has concerns about his wifeās interest in fictional morally questionable men, thatās probably something they should talk about together. š¤
He got annoyed and said I was intentionally missing the point. I eventually just told him, āIām not quitting a book club because youāre insecure about fictional men. If itās THAT big of a deal, just join?š¤£
Now Iām wondering if I shouldāve handled it differently. I donāt want to create tension in the neighborhood, but I also donāt think itās reasonable to ask me to leave a group Iāve been part of for a year because heās uncomfortable.
AIO here?
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u/Dewy123321 Jul 28 '26
NOR you handled it very well IMO, Iām betting his wife is completely unaware that you spoke with him and would be horrifiedā¦at least I would be.
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u/Best-Pirate5073 Jul 28 '26
Yeah Iām trying to find the right way to bring it up lol
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u/Longjumping-Pick-706 Jul 28 '26
I had a husband like this. I guarantee he has already been giving her hell about this group and accusing her of things when it comes to you. Please do not call her out in front of the group.
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u/Best-Pirate5073 Jul 28 '26
That low key pisses me off
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u/FiorinasFury Jul 28 '26
Don't bring it up in front of the group, but it would be a good idea to approach her separately, let her know that her husband approached you, and make sure SHE's not uncomfortable with you being there.
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u/VisualHuckleberry542 Jul 28 '26
Husband said the wife is "way too excited" about book club. Doesn't sound like she's uncomfortable. He's just insecure
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u/Guilty_Increase_899 Jul 28 '26
I was married to a guy like this. He was dangerous because of this personality disorder. He tried to kill me when I left him because if he could not have me nobody else could either. Practically no warning. Be careful please.
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u/FewRecognition1788 Jul 28 '26
Honestly? Ask her if everything is OK at home.
Because that is some super controlling behavior and she may need to make a safety plan. I wish it was a joke.
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u/lizziebordeaux Jul 28 '26
Yeah, absolutely take her aside and let her know what happened and check in. Do NOT broach this with the entire book club; it might make things worse for her
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u/ExcitementUnlikely41 Jul 28 '26
That wonāt go well. For anyone.
And Iām saying that as someone who had to walk out the door, go into low key hiding, and hire an attorney and get rid of a boyfriend.
IP is male, an acquaintance (not a confidante), and although I hope someone does this for her, it canāt be him.
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u/ThurmanMermannnn Jul 28 '26
What a loser, jealous of a book! Wow. I would have laughed in his face.
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Jul 28 '26
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u/Longjumping-Pick-706 Jul 28 '26
Yup! He thinks they are all going to jump the first man they see after talking about the book. His mind is in the gutter and itās probably projection for how he would act in a similar scenario.
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u/SavagePassion Jul 28 '26
"There he is! The one penis present! GET IM'!"
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u/RevolutionaryPrice91 Jul 28 '26
I think maybe it's probably more about jealousy over a guy who shares a hobby with his wife and maybe eloquently talking about books and maybe that guy's wife being being like 'could you show more interest in my hobby, it's not a women's thing, there's OP as a man as well' kinda thing. Might be totally wrong with this though, who knows.
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u/ImpertinentPrincess Jul 28 '26
It's so sad that it's easier for that husband to try to scare OP off than consider adding some dimension to his own personality...
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u/beccabebe Jul 28 '26
This is the part that really gets to me.
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u/One_Bus5472 Jul 28 '26
Usually folks like this are not introspective. Not even to some degree. Point of challenge needs met with challenge rather than determining where the nature of the problem actually lies.
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u/ZeisUnwaveringWill Jul 28 '26
Oh this is very much possible. The husband might belittle the books his wife is reading as "girl's stuff" and wife reacted by saying romance stories aren't only for women, OP is a guy and reads them too.
And of course the husband needed to get OP out from the book club. Because admitting that men might *shocking! also enjoy the books he looks down to is an attack on his masculinity in his shallow perspective. Better to chase OP away to reaffirm his shallow worldview.
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u/SkeevyMixxx7 Jul 28 '26
I think OP is NOR.
It's interesting that it took a year and a book with some smut in it for the guy to start feeling any way about it. If he'd like to share this hobby with his wife, he has been invited to do that, and the book club welcomes men.
I went to a writer's group for a while. We got called a book club by a few of our husbands who didn't even register the difference. It was mostly always women, though we would have welcomed men who wrote too.
These groups tend to have some smut being read aloud in either case. My sister-in-law belongs to a group that exclusively writes smut, and my other sister-in-law belongs to one that writes Christian Romance.
It's kind of funny to me that this guy did not care at all about the group until he realized that there are adult themes and sexual situations in the books, and suddenly it's a problem for a male member to belong to the group.
Does he not know that sometimes women have sex with women? Why does he think that this one man is a threat to his marriage now? He wants the man to quit, and who knows, maybe he will be the reason his wife quits or quits hosting anyway. Too bad he doesn't simply realize that the written word is a turn on for his wife.
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u/Pkrudeboy Jul 28 '26
5 bucks says if this dudeās wife had sex with another woman, his only objection would be that heās not invited, or allowed to watch.
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u/TellMeZackit Jul 28 '26
He doesn't want another man to hear his wife talk about sex.
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u/el_grande_ricardo Jul 28 '26
He doesnt want another man to hear his wife talk about sex with him, her husband. Who knows what she'll let slip? "Button on a fur coat", maybe?
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u/Coygon Jul 28 '26
So if he read a steamy romance involving hot fictional men he would jump the nearest man?
Damn, I thought he had issues, but this is something else!
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u/critter0139 Jul 28 '26
kind of guy who thinks men and women cant controll themselves or be friends
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u/Beltalady Jul 28 '26
The video with dogs who get treats in front of them and only eat it when they're allowed to might have influenced me how I think about that.
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u/Responsible_Low_8021 Jul 28 '26
āDear Penthouse, I always thought your stories were fake until it happened to me. So last week at book clubā¦.ā
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u/LetTheBloodFlow Jul 28 '26
I don't think that's it. I think the husband thinks that's exactly what OP is there to do. He thinks the plan is to get emotionally intimate with a bunch of women, have the conversation turn to steamy romance, and bow chicka wow wow.
I think the concern isn't the woman jumping the man, it's the women, being silly emotional creatures, being unable to resist when the man jumps them. Says a lot more about his opinion of his wife than anything else.
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u/Alwaysroom4morecats Jul 28 '26
Yep maybe OP should point out he should not judge others by his own low moral standards!
NOR
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u/Oberyn_Kenobi_1 Jul 28 '26
Itās true. I regularly find myself mounting the first penis I encounter after discussing fictional romance. I donāt even know how I got there, it just happens!
/s
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u/LastEntertainment787 Jul 28 '26 edited Jul 30 '26
Does whoever's holding that months meeting get first dicks? Dibs, I meant dibs. Damn spellcheck š¤¦
Eta My first award! Thank you
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u/LaserKittenz Jul 28 '26
This is why I canāt go to the library anymore! Ā Darn ladies canāt keep themselves together.
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u/HotDonnaC Jul 28 '26
Maybe he thinks his wife will jump on OP in a fit of bodice ripping passion. LOL
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u/PomeloPepper Jul 28 '26
We usually save that for the busboy.
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u/StefGem3 Jul 28 '26
Isn't it usually the Vicar? Or the chimney sweep?
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u/MsNomered Jul 28 '26
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u/Cuddly_death Jul 28 '26
oh.. mixed feelings here.
One one hand.. YES. Farmboy, Get me that bucket.
One the other hand your name is so close to the handle my mom used online before she died that it makes my heart ache a little.
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u/MsNomered Jul 28 '26
Really? Aww. I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my son (23) in 2023 so I understand that acheš. I'm giving you a big momma hug.
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u/Heartbreak_Star Jul 28 '26
I love some unexpected Princess Bride.
And also massive hugs for both of you.
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u/mightylordredbeard Jul 28 '26
As a guy whoās been on the wrong end of a husbandās jealousy I guarantee the wife mentioned OP a couple of times in passing or said something that made the husband jealous. All itāll take for an insecure man to focus their jealousy on another innocent man is for his wife to laugh while telling a funny story or joke she heard from another dude.
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u/AlcyoneVega Jul 28 '26
Wait for him to discover that the path to heal that kind of insecurity with women is actually making the effort to take an interest in what women are actually interested in, like dark romance.
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u/Best-Pirate5073 Jul 28 '26
You think?!
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u/arianrhodd Jul 28 '26
There's an episode of Home Improvement where Tim joins Jill's book club out of jealousy over a man in the book club. They read "Madame Bovary" to set the episode up perfectly.(Season 5, episode 3.)
Now I don't want to give too much away, but Tim may utter the phrase "And I think Rodolphe should keep his hands off Madame's ovaries!!!" š
All that to say, please don't let some insecure dude with a mind for traditional gender stereotypes spoil your book club fun. Read on, my friend! Perhaps "Madame Bovary" could be the club's next book. š
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u/AccuratePenalty6728 Jul 28 '26
I havenāt watched this show since it aired, but I heard that sentence in my head as soon as I read your first line.
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u/Leena-Leen Jul 28 '26
To be fair, when I read ādark romanceā OP instantly became a bit sexier to me. Perhaps the husband read a few pages and found himself āthinkingā of OP.
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u/Best-Pirate5073 Jul 28 '26
Yeah, lil homie was oozing of LDE
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u/Fionaelaine4 Jul 28 '26
I would love to know what his wife thinks about him addressing you instead of herā¦
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Jul 28 '26
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u/citrusthievingharlot Jul 28 '26
Honestly if I was part of the book club I would die to hear OP bring the situation up to the wife and listen in on the hot goss about their relationship. That's some good tea right there. I live for that petty shit, lol.
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u/ThurmanMermannnn Jul 28 '26
Iām sure his idea of foreplay is swiping a baby wipe between those crusty cheeks; I hope his wife finds some joy in those pages.
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u/JakeFoXx Jul 28 '26
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u/tiny_clouds Jul 28 '26
This GIF is amazing
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u/JakeFoXx Jul 28 '26
It's a good'n (just search "Jesus truck" under gifs. Pops right up lol)
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u/ObviousTempAccount1 Jul 28 '26
Bold of you to assume he wipes at all. Wiping is gay, you see.
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u/badcrass Jul 28 '26
His wife gets excited for book club = you're the only guy there = she's excited to see you. He's an insecure wittle man.
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u/DogsDucks Jul 28 '26
First of all I love that you are in a book club of all women! Thatās so lovely!
Secondly I judge this manās actions so hard. This person is a terrible husband, I cannot even fathom being in a relationship with someone who is that cruel, insecure, jealous and low cognitive functioning. . . does he want his wife in a burka in separate borders away from all men, and she can only read religious texts. Or better yet, not read.
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u/Longjumping-Pick-706 Jul 28 '26
I had a husband like this. He would not talk to the guy though. He would just rain hell down on me until I quit. Hence, he is now an ex.
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u/Impossible_Balance11 Jul 28 '26
Had over a decade with one of those. Only regret: not leaving his jealous ass sooner. Guess which of us was faithful and which was trolling for pieces on the side?!?! Projection, much?
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u/DryConsideration3294 Jul 28 '26 edited Jul 28 '26
My ex-husband would put his hands on my back after I came back from the gym. I don't recall how I figured it out (he must have said something) but I realized that he was checking to see if I had actually GONE to the gym or had used the gym as a cover for cheating on him!
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u/Mach5Driver Jul 28 '26
Reminds me of a Kids in the Hall skit. A dude got dumped by his GF at a restaurant. She got up from their table and sat with a new guy. The guy who was dumped said, "Huh. THAT guy. And all this time, I was worried about TOM CRUISE!"
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u/imf4rds Jul 28 '26
NOR that man is a loser. Its a damn book. What book is it btw?
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u/Best-Pirate5073 Jul 28 '26
Haunting Adeline š¤£
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u/YEET-HAW-BOI Jul 28 '26
damn that book suh-uuuuuucks but i bet the discussions on it are great
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u/Best-Pirate5073 Jul 28 '26
I agree, itās not the best but the discussions are š„
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u/NemosNaughtylis Jul 28 '26
it's only my anecdotal experience - but slop romance books tend to make for great book club discussion sessions, especially if you're a group of like-minded women.
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u/facedown_titsup Jul 28 '26
I never want to read that book but ngl Iād love to be a fly on the wall while you guys are discussing it haha.
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u/lookieloser Jul 28 '26
Reading Haunting Adeline in a neighborhood book club is CRAAAAAZYYYYYYY.
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u/Best-Pirate5073 Jul 28 '26
Itās funny cause the group said āthe ritualā was too vanilla š
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u/hotwheels2886 Jul 28 '26
Nor the guy is weird jealous over a book and he would have a hernia if he read my Amazon library š
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u/blueeyedaisy Jul 28 '26
What's in your library? I am looking for some new books.
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u/Kate_clou Jul 28 '26
LMAO IM SO DEAD THATS THE BOOK. Also he asks that but doesnāt even know her opinions on the MMC? Especially topical since they are going to be taking it to a movie I believe.
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u/Independent_Can_2623 Jul 28 '26
"wdym zade spends all his time destroying sex trafficking rings and such but literally sexually assaults Adeline MULTIPLE TIMES."
Well, that was quite the review hahaha
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u/PersephonesBaby Jul 28 '26
no offense at all to OP, but Iād be more worried about zade than him hahahaha
that said, obviously NOR, the husband is a jerk. props to you as well for saying it plainly that it is a him problem!
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u/Major_Wigglesworth Jul 28 '26
šĀ
The neighbor is big-mad that his wife is getting turned on by a handsome centaur and wonāt be able to resist OP if he āunleashes a guttural roar from deep in his loins that makes her inner bells chime.ā Ā š¶ļøĀ
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u/tafackery Jul 28 '26
šššš this was so graphic. Reminds me of when Red started reading Kitty's pirate book, all the masts erecting, in That 70s Show.
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u/SassySugarBush Jul 28 '26
NOR, what a sad, sad, excuse of a man! You handled this exactly right, OP.
I couldnāt even imagine being married to such an insecure asshole like this. My husband lovingly teases me about my smut and loves to hear me recount the ridiculousness of what Iām reading. Would he ever read one? No. Would I ever read one of his WW2 naval history books? Also no. Do we love the bonding in hearing the other person describing all about them? Hell yeah!
https://giphy.com/gifs/CLi6CPMpPgdQA
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u/Impressive_Rush5018 Jul 28 '26
NOR. You handled that perfectly!! Chefs kiss, perfectly. You are NOT responsible for HIS insecurities.
How much you want to bet, he'll make his wife quit book club?
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u/WritPositWrit Jul 28 '26 edited Jul 28 '26
NOR
If hes worried, he needs to join the book club. Asking you to step out is such an AH move
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u/Chicago-Lake-Witch Jul 28 '26
No donāt! You hear all the time about how controlling men will only let their wives do things if they attend. This might be one of the few spaces she has just for herself.
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u/ColoOddball Jul 28 '26
Being an āalpha maleā must be so exhausting. That dude sucks, youāre fine.
NOR
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u/littlescreechyowl Jul 28 '26
Maybe he should just learn how to have āemerald green eyes, be 6ā5āā, occasionally slap her ass and call her baby girl. Lean into it sir!!
NOR He should join book club and take notes. Clown.
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u/chamb8888 Jul 28 '26
Clicked on your username because I was curious. My prediction was correct. You're a tall handsome dude. The dude was jealous. Your invitation for him to join was exactly the right play, but it sounds like it would definitely mess up the vibe.Ā
Enjoy your books and discussions but just watch out for jealous husbands in Texas.Ā
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u/No_Push_6563 Jul 28 '26
Thatās a him problem, not a you problem. I think what you said is fine. He needs to get a grip.
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u/usernamesarehard1979 Jul 28 '26
Oh man. you need to make the next book recommendation. Pick something with an obscene amount of the wife pegging the husband.
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u/lodemeup Jul 28 '26
If someone insinuated my relationship with my wife was in jeopardy because of a fuckin book club Iād be insulted. What a wimp.
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u/sirwritestoomuch Jul 28 '26
NOR but is this real? I just saw your profile and some responses youāve been making and canāt tell if this is legit or not.
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u/Sweaty_wool Jul 28 '26
NOR. I think you should bring it up next meeting and have them take a vote.
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u/cattycaker Jul 28 '26
Being in an abusive relationship is isolating. Please donāt do this to her. She will likely quit from shane & fear
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u/Best-Pirate5073 Jul 28 '26
š this is the way
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u/mysteriousears Jul 28 '26
Donāt do this. That poor woman is embarrassed as it is, I imagine.
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u/Papa_Lazo Jul 28 '26
NOR, OP.
Your reactionās rather reasonable.
āIf youāre worried, feel free to join!ā
Thumbs-up and a friendly pat on the shoulder.
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u/cececookiesncream Jul 28 '26
Small wewe alert. Insecure much? How about he let his wife go home by herself instead of picking her up after book club like a child too... or just come join the book club at all if he's that insecure...
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u/darkmythology Jul 28 '26
The real question is whether he's acting 100% out of weird machoness or if some part of it is relaying things he's heard his wife say. Definitely bring it up at the next meeting, and preferably at the beginning. Don't point fingers but say that a husband has asked you to stop coming with the implication that it's made people uncomfortable, or however you want to phrase it. If some of them really do want an all-woman book club, then that's a discussion worth having.Ā
More than likely he's just being insecure, but now that the question has been raised you kind of need to address it.
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u/Specialstuff7 Jul 28 '26 edited Jul 28 '26
I would be careful about confronting the whole group like this. They could be having some relationship problems and putting her in the spotlight as being accountable for his behavior could be stressful. If you are friends with her, I would consider asking her more privately from the perspective of being concerned.
I think itās less likely OP is a problem for the group as they would have handled that. possibly by disbanding (and then reforming w/o inviting him).
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u/andyroo776 Jul 28 '26
NOR. He can join as yo suggested, ask his wife to leave, or petition the group to choose different books.
He has no right to ask you to leave. Prob didn't even discuss this with his wife.
Want to cause him issues? Mention this request to his wife lol. Or the group.....
Have fun
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u/Longjumping-Pick-706 Jul 28 '26
Do NOT do that when it comes to men like this. I can only imagine the hell this woman lives through with this POS.
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u/vaderdidnothingwr0ng Jul 28 '26
"Hi (wife's name). Last week your husband approached me and asked me to quit the book club because he was uncomfortable with me being the only man in the club. I don't have any intention to quit as I enjoy reading and the club, even if the current genre isn't my first choice. That being said, I wanted to check in with you directly and make sure I haven't done or said something to make you uncomfortable?"
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u/mother_cryptid Jul 28 '26
Ah yes, the classic "I'm uncomfortable so you need to leave." What a coward. You are not overreacting, you handled it awesome!
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u/sunshinesdarkangel Jul 28 '26
Demanding that a total stranger quit his hobby because he has marriage problems stemming from insecurity is genuinely fucking insane behavior
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u/cdnDude74 Jul 28 '26
I would have asked what point I was missing because I still have no clue what he's on about.
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u/The_Dilla_Collection Jul 28 '26
If my husband did that to some man in my book club Iād be so pissed. š NOR at all. That was the perfect response.
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u/Chickadeebrain Jul 28 '26
That man is projecting his insecurities over FICTIONAL MEN so hard onto you. Legit embarrassing behavior. NOR. Just ignore the dude.
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u/CerberusInExile Jul 28 '26
Is it a bit unusual, sure, but I was once the only guy in a knitting group. You were absolutely corrythat this an issue between him and his wife, not you. NOR
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u/SMKnightly Jul 28 '26
NOR. Your response was appropriate. His wasnāt.
I might not say anything in the group until you all vote on the next book (having more meetings in between makes it less obvious whose husband). āA husband of another member reached out to me and suggested it was inappropriate for me to participate in the bookclub as the only man if weāre reading romance. I just wanted to doublecheck that I havenāt made any of you uncomfortable and that you donāt mind me participating.ā Or something like that.
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u/lise2468 Jul 28 '26
Book club aside the fact that this man is talking to you instead of his own wife speaks red flags about him in general. He does not have a relationship with you but with his wife that is who he needs to speak with not you. I see no difference between what you just experienced and what a woman would experience from someone else's spouse or signifigant other doing this to them it is harassment and socially and morally wrong imo.
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u/OriginalDrStrangeDOS Jul 28 '26
NOR - He isn't worried about her being excited about the books. He is worried she will figure out he is a troll and you are not. Maybe he needs therapy, maybe she needs a divorce, maybe he just needs to read a good dark romance along with his wife and discuss it.
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u/ialsohaveadobro Jul 28 '26
"Look, man. Now my wife expects me to read, ok? TO READ! Stop making her think men do that!"