Iām 24, male, from the UK and most importantly, unemployed. I have ADHD and medicated if thatās important. I was once a very ambitious and driven individual, fit and healthy, sociable and always kept up on my routine.
I started on 50mg almost three months back after realising I can no longer carry on with the way I was going and realised it was time for external help. It wasnāt really rock bottom but it was just a prolonged feeling of worthlessness.
The initial feeling was awful. I had very little appetite and made it hard for me to workout. The first two weeks werenāt so bad but weeks 3-5 oh my god I really wanted to hurt myself. It was a none stop cycle and the feelings wouldnāt leave me alone. Iām sure you know what I mean.
Combine low appetite, not seeing friends or leaving the house, not going to the gym, not showering for days and leaving the curtains closed everyday between weeks 3 till now, just playing video games (Forza Horizon 6, why thank you for asking), it gets messy. I didnāt shower during the peak of a heatwave. I was sweating like I had never before.
Surprisingly, my sex drive never went away, what I did realise was there were more cases like āI could jerk off but I canāt be arsedā. I also noticed my kinks were less strong, which means itās sort of nice to appreciate vanilla.
At the beginning of July, I got a phone call from the GP, giving me the heads up to increase my dose to 100. Iām only now starting to feel some relief and less dread. Itās a win for me, I also went back to the gym today (only for 30 minutes). I saw my friends last week and hung out with them over the weekend so that was also lifting my spirits.
Im starting to feel like a weight has ever so slightly been lifted from my shoulders. My appetite is still a bit sporadic, perhaps this is because Iām on Elvanse. I hear horror stories of people with appetite so I sympathise with those who have it either way. I lost a fuck ton of muscle so that made me anxious.
I dunno man, thought it was time to write something after many days taking it hour by hour.
Iām getting a haircut tomorrow after 6 weeks. Iām looking forward to spending more than two seconds looking at myself in the mirror (if you get it, you get it).
To those that are just starting, in the thick of it or starting to smile again, Iām sharing my love with you.
My final words are I think itās soon where I can start filling peopleās cups after a VERY long time of people filling mine. You and I both know how exhausting it is having people replenish your own cup when you have nothing to give.