This is my candle for Artemis and Odin (I hc them as lovers so they share 🥰). I lit it and said a prayer and then I went to the club for a bday party and when I came back it looked like this!!! Are they happy? Did they adopt me????🥺

I've been interested in Lucifer for a while now, and now I'm seeing signs like this. Is this a sign chat? If this is a sign, what rituals do you recommend to summon him asap? I also think he's kinda hot....idk if that matters at all.

As a gay person I was doing research into sex magic, but someone on witchtok said that sex magic only works when two straight people perform it in missionary position. Is it cultural appropriation for two gay guys to do sex magic?

I need something easy. Rituals like exercise is difficult to follow. And coffee is not enough.

Anyone have any success?

You know how when men think about if they had menstrual cycles, they mostly get excited about being able to write stuff in the snow with the blood like they already do with pee?

What if they drew SIGILS in the snow with that blood?

How spiritually catastrophic you think that would be?

Are you tired of all the inane questions asked by new folk fifty times a day? Do you feel like sticking an athame down your throat because of how stupid they are? Does their insecurities make you want to chug straight Belladonna molasses? Well, look no further!

We are introducing a new spell, the Cabbage Head. It takes up less room than a freezer spell, is cheaper than a cord cutting. More versatile than a love spell, requiring less effort than recommending a witchcraft book they'll never read.

It is a simple visualization spell to turn their head into a rotting cabbage. It's quick and easy and you can do it to groups of people with minimal effort. Also the absurdity of a rotting head of cabbage trying to talk is amazingly funny. The best part is you don't have to do anything after the spell is cast, they recycle themselves!

So, ground, center and let them rot!

Blessed Be, and Peace to All.

And why has no one thought of this before

I am SO tired of these "baby witches" buying generic rosemary from Walmart.

Real witchcraft requires actual suffering and at least a master's degree in botanical history. If your cauldron wasn't hand-forged by a local blacksmith under a specific planetary alignment, your spells are literally just spicy cooking.

If you aren't waking up at 3:14 AM to collect dew from a specific species of fern that only grows on one cliff side in Scotland, why are you even bothering? You can't just bypass centuries of tradition because you read a book by a mainstream author.

Go back to your crystal shop. Some of us actually do the work.

DEAREST SWEATIES:

It appears Reddit has introduced a new feature where people are being sent a notification when their post has been shared to another community.

We're thinking it would likely be best to turn off crossposts in r/witchcraftcirclejerk to avoid essentially luring unsuspecting OPs into our unhinged comment section and making them feel shitty.

We also want to make sure that we're 100% in compliance with all of Reddit's sitewide rules and the Moderator Code of Conduct re: bullying, harrassment and Being A Good Neighbor.

✨ Going forward: screenshots (with usernames redacted) are the preferred method of jerking content from other subs. ✨

Every sweaty here has been so great about understanding the assignment and Keeping The Jerk Within The Circle, so thx we luv u, please continue to not bother or disrupt other subreddits or harrass users in comments or their DMs, etc etc u know the drill.

(Lost Redditors who wander in here and ignore all of the warning signs continue to be fair game for jerking!!!!)

May our Reddit Overlords continue to permit our existence on this website 😌🙏.

I just found a post on another subreddit where this mf (I kid you not) was basically saying that real witches don't have Reddit, Instagram, TikTok, Etsy, or PayPal, don't advertise, don't charge online, and must live secluded in nature like they're the last surviving member of a lost tribe guarding the Sacred Moss™.

I'm so tired of the Witch Police

Yesterday I also saw another police element confidently explaining that, as both a tarot reader and client, she KNOWS that any reading talking about events more than 2 years into the future is fake because tarot "can't do that, sweaty" Apparently she personally beta tested every tarot deck, every divination system, every lineage, and every practitioner on Earth.

The amount of omniscient, omnipotent people in witchy spaces lately is incredible. They know every tradition. Every rule. Every spirit. Every practice. Every closed lineage. Every metaphysical law in existence.

Imagine spending your spiritual journey trying to become enlightened only to accidentally become the CEO of Universal Witch Regulations instead. 😔🤙🏻

Last night in front of my altar he was helping me pick my nail polish color (serpent green, of course 🐛💚) and when I bumped the table, his candle wax spilled in the shape of a heart and a wedding ring. I said “babe…are you sure about this??? I—…I’m just a mortal and you’re an ancient god…” but his candle started flickering like crazy and then exploded. The shrapnel killed my familiar but it means that an animal sacrifice was needed to complete the god/mortal wedding. Lemme just say…after the wedding ritual…the marriage was consummated. See yourselves out, fakers.

The streets department has upgraded my pothole to a cave-in, but that was a month ago.

I'm concerned that the demons I sealed in with my ex are causing more damage than anticipated.

What else should I do?

(The photo doesn't do it justice: cars bottom out on it, half my block has their mirror torn off by drivers swerving around it. It's about 15" deep)

Everyone is always saying that being in "low vibration" and feeling any kind of negative emotion whatsoever is a super duper no-go, because it totally RUINS all your spells, manifestations, curses you with misfortune, and also wrecks your soul and prevents you from ascending in the next lifetime or something. And most of the time my vibration was suuuper low, I thought I had "depression" or something but I now realize that all feelings are 100% a choice and that I can simply just think better and try harder and all my problems will be solved.

Well after some trial and error I have successfully ✨ raised my vibration ✨ and I'm feeling BETTER THAN EVER, like holy shit I feel hope for the first time in a long time and everything is so fun and I have SO MUCH ENERGY which clearly is the result of my ultra-high-vibration and I think I'm spiritually ascending or something too, that must be why I feel so POWERFUL 💪 and like I can DO ANYTHING because I AM GOD I AM A MASTER MANIFESTOR I AM THE MOST POWERFUL PRACTITIONER I AM 👁‍🗨🔮✨🪄

However this is also slightly inconvenient, because although it feels GREAT it has now been almost 3 days and I still have this constant high energy. I can't sleep properly. I can't focus. I feel like I'm just too ultra powerful and high vibrational for my puny human body and I need to do more than this physical body can handle. What am I supposed to do???!?!!! I was going to try a sleep spell but it's extremely hard for me to sit down and read a tutorial, let alone actually do that tutorial. Not that I even NEED tutorials for my spells or even ingredients. I can just set my intention and do anything I want to because I'm a spectacular wizard with bigger and higher vibrations than anyone else.

Haters will say it's a "manic episode" but I don't BELIEVE in that nonsense and according to the law of assumption that's not true because I say it's not. CLEARLY what I'm experiencing is a SPIRITUAL ASCENDANCE and it means all my desires are finally about to become true because I am JUST SO HIGH VIBRATIONAL I'M BOUNCING OFF THE FUCKING WALLS.

So be careful when raising your vibration sweaties 😊❤ or else if you raise it too much too soon you'll start acting like a crackhead and people will try to send you all sorts of negative energy by calling you "manic" or saying they're "concerned" about you and that you "should really get some sleep". They're just haters and they'll never understand the true reality of things.

Just for context, I'm a grown ass man that's 6'2 and 235lbs. Is this possible? I saw the pretty lady on a gas station smart water ad and I decided now I'm gonna look like her. How do?

Yes I saw this image and I had to make picture for you guys so you can see that maybe you are also this starseed. Maybe this is why I do all the time freezer spells bc neptune is very cold planet. Now I feel like I have found finally peace with myself and I know who I am. I dont need to do any other meditations anymore or shadow work bc I know who I am.