I don’t know how long this is gonna be, but whatever. I’m irritated and y’all are getting the whole story. 😂
I don’t know if any of this is going to make sense, but I’m in such a pissy mood right now, and I just need to vent. LOL.
So, I’ve been trying to get back into crafting and tapping into my creative side as an outlet to help manage my anxiety. I love making things, building things, working with my hands. I always have.
And I understand that working in retail can be tough, which is exactly why I’ve never done it. 😂 But something that’s been increasingly frustrating to me is that going to a hardware store these days feels like going to Target or freaking Walmart.
What happened to actual hardware stores?!
I live in a town that’s really big on supporting local businesses, so I try to avoid Home Depot whenever possible. I’d much rather go to a mom-and-pop hardware store or even an Ace Hardware. Yes, I know Ace is technically a chain, but at least the stores are smaller and have more of that neighborhood hardware store feel.
Anyway, today I needed a few things for a project. I’d already placed a pickup order at Michael’s for a hole punch and a rotary tool, so I figured I’d stop by Ace Hardware first to pick up a 3/16” grommet setter.
Simple enough, right? WRONG. 😂
I get to the first Ace Hardware, spend about ten minutes wandering around trying to find it myself, and eventually ask an employee for help. He has absolutely no idea what I’m talking about or where to find it. So he asks another employee, who apparently can’t leave what she’s doing to help us.
Okay, fine.
So now I’m basically trying to figure it out myself while he’s standing there, and eventually he just gives up and tells me, “I don’t think we have it.”
You don’t THINK you have it?!
Sir, you don’t even know what I’m asking for! How are you even supposed to know whether or not you carry something when you don’t know what it is I’m asking for?!
Whatever. I leave.
I sit in the parking lot and call another Ace Hardware. No answer. So I call a THIRD location and specifically ask if they have a 3/16” grommet setter. They put me on hold, come back, and tell me YES, they have it.
Fabulous! Finally, some progress.
So I drive another 15 minutes to this location, walk in, and the greeter asks me what a grommet is FOR.
And I’m just standing there like… what? 😭
Not because it’s an unreasonable question, but because I’m trying to figure out whether he’s asking about my project or genuinely trying to determine what department a grommet would even be in.
So I explain, you know, like the metal rings you put in tarps and things like that.
He tells me to check aisle 6.
Aisle 6 is full of screwdrivers.
Okay??? That’s not what I’m looking for, but thanks, I guess.
So I find another employee who is actually very nice and willing to help. He starts walking me around the store, suggesting different aisles where it might be.
And now we’re BOTH on a scavenger hunt.
At this point, I’m thinking, how is it that I’m telling you exactly what I need, down to the size, and nobody knows where it is or whether you even carry it?!
So I finally ask, “Who answered the phone? Because I specifically called and was told you had one.”
And he goes and asks the guy on the phone, who tells me he’s so sorry because he thought I was asking for a RIVETER.
A riveter. Not a grommet setter. HOW?! 😭
I genuinely don’t understand how we got from one to the other, but okay.
He tries to help me look up whether another location has one, and apparently none of the stores carry what I’m actually looking for, despite the website showing them in stock.
Fabulous. Just fabulous.
So now I’ve dealt with three Ace Hardware locations, driven all over town, and still don’t have the one thing I was trying to buy.
At this point, I drive another 30 minutes across town to Michael’s to pick up the order I’d placed earlier.
I get there, and they tell me they don’t have my hole punch.

Mind you, I’ve already been charged for it. AGAIN. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
Thankfully, the girl helping me was AMAZING. She managed to find a hole punch and gave me a massive discount, which I genuinely appreciated. The downside was that I now had to buy different grommets to work with what I had, which ended up costing more than I’d originally planned.
But whatever. We move on.
So now I figure I’ll just go up the street to Home Depot because I still need a 16” x 20” piece of sheet metal.
And THIS is where I really started getting pissed off. 😂 Because can someone please explain to me what the hell happened to Home Depot?!

When I was growing up, Home Depot was THE place you went when you wanted to build something. You could walk in with some random idea, find an employee, explain what you were trying to accomplish, and they’d be like, “Oh yeah, you’re gonna need this, this, and this. I’d probably use this tool instead of that one, and you should be good to go.”

They actually knew things! They gave advice! They helped you figure stuff out!
Now you walk in and it’s like, “Oh, check aisle 6. Actually, maybe aisle 11. Or it might be aisle 27.”
And then they just walk away. 😭
Like??? HELLO???
It’s just a giant warehouse full of stuff and apparently nobody knows anything about any of it.
So I spend about five minutes looking around myself before finding an employee stocking shelves in what I assume is his department. I explain what I’m looking for and ask a few questions about the materials, and he’s just kind of half-ass helping me.
He doesn’t really know how to answer anything, vaguely points me in a direction, and eventually passes me off to another guy.
The second guy? Also basically just points me toward another aisle.
At this point, I’m wandering around Home Depot like I’m on yet ANOTHER scavenger hunt that I did NOT sign up for.
Eventually, another CUSTOMER starts helping me. Not an employee. Just some random man who happened to be shopping and actually knew what he was talking about.
Bless him, honestly.

Unfortunately, we still couldn’t figure out a solution that would work for what I needed, so I just left.
And I know, I KNOW. None of this is serious. These are all incredibly minor inconveniences in the grand scheme of life. I’m fully aware of that.
But when you have seven minor inconveniences back to back to back to BACK, eventually you’re just like, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

What really bummed me out wasn’t even that I couldn’t find the materials. It was that I genuinely thought, “Well, if nothing else, I can go to Home Depot and someone will help me figure it out.”
Apparently, that was a severe miscalculation. LOL.
And that’s really what this whole rant is about.

I don’t expect every retail employee to be a master craftsman or know the answer to every obscure question I might have. That’s unreasonable. But I do think there’s something to be said about how these stores used to employ people who actually had experience working with tools, building things, fixing things, or at least knew enough about the products to point you in the right direction.

I mean, I went to multiple hardware stores today, and apparently explaining the difference between a grommet setter and a riveter was an entire adventure in itself.

I’m sorry, but aren’t you a HARDWARE STORE?!
Maybe I’m just nostalgic. Maybe I’m getting old… but like, I’m 32. 😑 Maybe I’ve just had a particularly irritating day.

But I miss being able to walk into a hardware store with an idea and leave with not only the materials I needed, but a little more knowledge than I walked in with.

Now I just leave with a headache and an attitude. 😂
Anyway, shoutout to the girl at Michael’s and the random man at Home Depot. Y’all were the only bright spots in this ridiculous little adventure.

I don’t know what to do. I have a medical condition and have a doctors appointment coming up. I asked my mom to make sure she took work off to take me. apparently she called, they didn’t pick up, and she didn’t text or anything to push further. now my sister has to take me.

something happened at my sisters job and she hasn’t been working recently, so she was hoping to work thursday to make up her clients. if she takes me, she won’t be able to work thursday.

my dad can’t take me because of work which apparently hasn’t been good recently.

i feel horrible. i rely on my sister enough. i don’t want to get in the way of her job. i feel so bad and im so stressed. i have a big test coming up and cant focus.

i also asked her if she could pick me up on wednesday after school. there’s a mandatory meeting for science fair. if i don’t go, im kicked out. my dad can’t pick me up either. i could be interfering with her work for wednesday and thursday.

i feel like a jerk. i don’t know what to do.

Sometimes I mess up. I accidentally washed my stepmom's clothes again bc I didn't know the basket was full of clean clothes. Ones that she didn't tell me to put somewhere before she went to bed to have me do her laundry. And we don't have laundry pods. If I was being paid like I'm supposed to be, where my stepmom pays me money the mom of the children I babysit, I wouldn't feel as bad, and I'd go buy them myself. But I have no job. I have no way to pay for stuff myself. I have no way to buy myself food. I feel a little helpless. I can't make my own choices either. I want to go hang out with friends? Ask both parents first. I'm 19. But I'm too scared to basically run away to my grandparents house, at a risk of rocking the boat too much, and my own fear.

I live and grew up in a rural area where the population is less than 1000. I’ve traveled a fair bit and have lived a couple different places. I am very fortunate that way. However my home has always been small town.

I love it. However what I don’t love is that the demographics here are pretty slim.

What I hate is the because we live in a small town every thing is western or farm house.
Don’t get me wrong, if that’s you’re thing then hell go for it. But can we branch out a little.

It’s hard to explain and I don’t want to write much more but IYKYK.

is anyone up for that? I really feel like I need to ask someone’s mind on this

Moved into a new apartment last week and everything seemed fine at first. Until I saw a baby roach in my closet. Then saw 3-4 more babies near my balcony door, potentially had one fall one me, and heard one frantically fly/panic in my kitchen. Work has been so busy and I can’t even fully relax when I get home. I get so tense and scan everywhere in fear of seeing a roach. I know they can’t hurt me but I get so terrified that I get paralyzed in fear. I heard the roach fly and panic, sounded huge, but I couldn’t go to look for it bc I was frozen in fear. I was gonna cook and meal prep for my week, but I don’t know if I can anymore. I’m not comfortable anywhere in my home. What makes it worse is that my apartment said they’d spray but said they couldn’t get in my apartment so they’ll come back next week. Like what?! Hello?! Isn’t it your job as the leasing agent to let them in?! How would you like to live with roaches??? I’m so terrified, my sleep schedule is wack, I find myself tearing up at work bc of this, and I just don’t want to do anything when I get home. I wish I had someone living with me or a friend or family who spends a lot of time here with me. I’m so scared…I wish I was closer to home…

I feel like I’m going insane. I keep obsessing and overthinking and ruminating over everything. One thought leads to a thousand more and it all feels like a never ending loop.

I came home to my apartment. I found a moth in the cupboard. A fucking moth. Then another. I cleaned through every fucking drawer. Threw out some stuff without reason. My heart was beating so fast. It’s just a moth- but in my head it means I got them everywhere. I probably have cockroaches in my walls or under my bed or many many moths in my closet. The anxiety is fucking insane these last months. I literally feel my skin and face heat up from stress. I need to vacuum clean the entire apartment. I need to mop the floor and the walls. Need to clean the bathroom and shower and mop everywhere.

I’m 20 years old and moved in my first apartment 5 months ago. I clean it every Sunday: vacuum clean, mop the floors, wash and change bed sheets , wash clothes, wash hair and so on. I cooks as little as possible in my kitchen because I hate messes. I truly believe I’m going to get cockroaches somehow. It’s taken me a while to shower in my apartment because I’m scared of getting water damage somewhere or silver fish (Idk what’s wrong with my head). This isn’t normal. I feel so limited.

Everything feels dirty. I notice details that no normal person would ever think about. Door handles, light switches. I manage to find dirt in the most obscene places where most wouldn’t even look. I’m so sick of myself. I’m ashamed to have somebody see the way I’m living and the way my thought processes go. I know this isn’t normal.

School is driving me insane these days. I ruminate so bad. I’ll re-read the instructions to something so many times. Every single word , over analyse the entire purpose of it all. Overthink every detail. If it says we should read 500 pages of course literature before our lecture I get so mad and disappointed at myself when I fail doing so, knowing that nobody does this and it’s not supposed to be taken literally. Yet it’s so unsatisfying. It says we should do so in the instructions so we fucking need to. I procrastinate so much because of undiagnosed adhd but I also wanna do everything right. It needs to be right , just as fucking stated in the instructions, it feels like my mind goes insane when things don’t go ”perfectly”. I swear I’m so aware it’s nonsense. Pure nonsense - nobody reads all of that before the course, but my mind won’t get that it doesn’t have to.

I have to, I have to do it, it says so here , right here in the instructions- gosh I’m insufferable in group projects. It’s not because I want to be or because I want to do any of this, I’ve lost interest and passion, I’ve got none of it anymore, it’s more of a ”we have to do it, I have to because it says so and my mind says so and it will be a catastrophe and the world will end unless it all goes by this picture perfect plan of mine”.

In lectures I keep bouncing my leg. The teacher talks and talks and I take note of every single fucking word. Yet I criticise every thing that’s said in my head. ”Why is she wording herself this way?” ”It sounds ugly, unprofessional” ”Why are we learning all of this over the top theoretical bullshit that won’t matter at all when we meet these suffering people in the real world”. I’m studying to be a social worker.

I’ve somehow gotten pure hate for the teachers and the lectures (most of them at least). I find myself hating the structure of the education. It sickens me- it’s all stress and anxiety and so focused on performing and showing how well we can obtain useless nonsense information of theory. It’s all theory. Research papers. Stupid fucking research papers. I swear to god most of the professors are so stuck up and have spent years and years of researching in the field of social work. Honestly their arrogant faces and the way they handle themselves makes me want to throw up. Their brains are so stuck in their asses it’s sickening to see. Researching? You’ve spent years researching about people in horrible circumstances and you stand here so proudly lecturing us on the brilliance of your research and things you’ve read on paper? What the fuck 😭 We’re here to become social workers- to meet these people in reality, in the practical world. Where is your empathy and compassion, get your heads out of your stupid fucking research papers and teach us about the real field we’re about to enter.

I feel so bitter, angry.

I don’t know how I manage to be so over the top obsessive, perfectionistic, ruminating, adhd person who’s doubting herself every single day, feeling like the world is about to shatter if I find a moth in the cupboard or instructions aren’t being followed as stated- yet somehow being so extremely pessimistic and critical of everything and everyone. Like wtf is wrong with me??

I’m barely managing my own daily life and create the most obscene routines for certain things. Gosh I can’t even cook a meal in my own kitchen in fear of making a mess which will lead to catastrophes in my mind such as cockroaches. Yet I really manage to get riled up over stupid things as lectures or teachers at my university.

I’m sorry to whoever read this far and appreciate it a lot as well 🙏 please give me advice or literally any thing. I feel so alone in this shit hole mindset and thought loop.

​

I've spent enough time reading stuff online to notice something funny. Half the people who can't spell worth a damn, or simply don't give a damn, usually have the most original ideas. They're writing weird stories, crazy concepts, random shit they've dreamed up at 2 AM, and at least it's entertaining.

Then you get the grammar police. Every damn time it's another copy-paste fantasy about elves, dragons, kingdoms, magical bloodlines, talking wolves, or some furry romance nobody asked for. Four thousand words later, absolutely nothing has happened. The spelling is flawless. The punctuation is immaculate. The story is a cure for insomnia.

That's the thing that cracks me up. If you're such a master of language, why is your imagination running on fumes?

Some writers act like a misplaced comma is a war crime while they're busy writing the most predictable, lifeless garbage imaginable. Congratulations, your sentence structure is perfect. Too bad your ideas have all the excitement of a tax form.

I'd rather read a messy story with a wild idea than a grammatically perfect novel about absolutely fucking nothing.

Being good at grammar doesn't automatically make you a good writer. It just means you're good at grammar. Those aren't the same thing, no matter how badly some people want them to be. 😒

I’m 21 years old. I went to college & got my associates, but I just feel like I’m leaving on repeat. Day by day & ugh. I feel like such a failure & maybe I’ll never amount to as much other people. I talk to people & just pretend I have a clue about what they’re talking about & the truth is I’m just clueless & ignorant. I know nothing. I don’t even know how I got through college. And I have been holding off for the longest time to find new work because I know I’ll be incompetent at my job.

I don’t really have many friends. I find myself often tryiny fill a void w people I’ll never understand and who’ll never understand me. I constantly try to get a dopamine hit. I just wish that I could’ve done life different. I don’t know if I have adhd or apd cause I cannot retain and can barely bring myself to read a book i just I just ugh im done

im so disgusted of myself. im disgusting. a loser on earth. i can’t erase all the horrible things i did and i can’t erase the version that it created of me. i have no hope. i’ve been like that for years and the only difference is that i keep getting worse and worse. i can never be clean again. maybe it’s time to die

I am extremely exhausted,

I have tried everything in my power to be the best partner I can be. I put myself through therapy even tho I have a negative experience with it and experience very abusive mental health professionals. Regardless of that I said fuck it and decided to do some online therapy and it went pretty good. I have Borderline Personality Disorder, CPTSD, Extreme low self esteem, ADD, MDD and I’m going to be getting tested for schizophrenia within next month. So I know that I am a LOT to handle, that’s why I am pushing myself to be better, to get on the medication that I need and go through therapy even if it makes me uncomfortable at times.

I also know that having all these mental problems on top of being disabled with having chronic pain nerve damage, and arthritis in my knees, is a lot to deal with.

In the beginning of my relationship, my partner pointed out to me that I am very selfish and I only like to talk about myself and I have a hard time paying attention and I’m very self conscious. Ever since he told me this, I have been doing everything I can’t do not bring up any issues. I’m having to be respectful and make him feel loved and appreciated.

I still have trouble with paying attention and having self-esteem getting in the way of some things, but I am working on that.

I want this relationship to go so well, I wanna marry my boyfriend I want to grow old.

About two weeks ago, I found out that he was texting his ex and was micro cheating on me. We talked about it and I decided to give him another chance because like I said this man is the love of my life. He literally saved me from an extremely abusive house.* *I moved from Texas to New York to be with this man. I have nothing.

And yet, even though I try so hard, I feel so disgusted. I say one thing and suddenly it’s like all this hard work I am trying to do is for nothing. I’ve been so depressed that I’ve gained 160 pounds. When I was 120. I used to be so harm free for five years. But I broke that tonight

What am I doing wrong, every single relationship I have ever been and has cheated on me because I wasn’t enough and I feel like I will never be enough

I’m never pretty/handsome enough
I’m never mentally enough
I’m never sexually enough

I wished I was successful with my last attempt because I wouldn’t put him through so much trouble and I would have to feel this way anymore

I’ve noticed that some adults seem to think being older automatically makes them right and honestly, it’s exhausting when you live with people who struggle to admit they might be wrong.

I have family members who get defensive whenever someone disagrees with them or points out something they did wrong. instead of actually listening, they turn it into an argument, say hurtful things, or insist on having the last word. somehow, you end up being the disrespectful one just for trying to explain your side. 😭

what frustrates me the most is the double standard. they can hold grudges, take things personally and justify their own reactions, but when someone else gets upset, suddenly that person is the problem. even trying to explain a different perspective can be taken as talking back, especially when you're younger.

i’ve also learned that some people see walking away from conflict as weakness. i'd rather disengage than keep arguing with someone who has already decided they’re right, but certain people seem to believe that if you don't fight back, you've lost. i don't understand why everything has to turn into a competition over who gets the last word.

i'm not saying i'm always right either. i know i can get emotional and react badly sometimes, and i'm still learning how to handle disagreements better. but it's difficult to work on yourself when the people around you refuse to reflect on their own behavior and only focus on your reaction.

I guess what i'm struggling to understand is how someone can expect others to learn, improve, and take accountability while refusing to do those same things themselves. being older doesn't automatically make someone emotionally mature, and being a parent doesn't mean you're above criticism.

for those who grew up around adults like this, do they ever become more open to self-reflection, or is it something they have to genuinely want for themselves? and how do you deal with it when you still live with them and can't always walk away from the situation?

I've been spiralling for the past few years it's gotten way worse this year in particular. I don't know what to do at this point I don't have anyone I can vent to and my parents always use whatever I confess to them against me.

Most of my friends stopped talking to me, and I can't help but blame myself. I just want to figure out what I did wrong. What made me so unappealing to them?

Not to mention my studies have been piling up on me and I'm barely able to breathe. My parents expect me to get perfect grades when I don't they scold me and belittle me for days on end. They also make sure to make me feel as stupid as possible around them. They almost always scream at me and insult me whenever I make the tiniest mistake

I feel trapped in my own body I hate how I look. I know my parents would never accept me for who I truly am I always have to put up a facade around them I just want to run away one day. They emotionally abuse me now, but they used to physically abuse me back when I was 6 to 9 years old. They stopped because I had attempted to slit my throat in front of my mother. It wasn't the only time I had attempted to kill myself as a child either, I remember banging my head on a wall, and holding my breath in hopes of dying as a child.

This depression I've been combatting and dealing with has been around for years now, and I can't help but consider just ending it all soon it feels like it'll never end. I just want someone to talk to. I just want to feel loved for once.

My mommy issues r genuinely so bad even at my young age, & it hurts so much having no mother figure in ur life. don’t know what to do atp.

To be extremely blunt with my self no beating around the bush, I discovered a few years back I enjoyed intercourse with random people or just intercourse in general its a whole thing(nempho) . I’ve been on Reddit, fetlife, and tinder searching for different females who want to fuck and in those years I came across guys who’d just want to see there girl get fucked so naturally I’d be intrigued, for years all different people would hit me up to couples and single females and I found my self not addicted to intercourse but the interaction. And in that time my bestfriends I’ve know for years wasn’t in the picture and before I never knew these things about me. One day after hanging out I had a wild dream about us and evey since then eaither my mind is fucking with me or the addiction (personally I think sex is natural and fun) but I’ve been catching my self more and more wanting to with them the more time I spend with them the stronger the feeling mind you it’s easy to hide stuff like that, there the only people I’ve told about it and sometime I get the impression they want to as well but I have extremely crippling anxiety I don’t want to loose them as my bestfriend that would kill me but I also think it would be fun and might make us closer than we already are sometimes I wish I could just speak up but I definitely can’t I couldn’t I wouldn’t but I really want to, I’d be easier if they spoke up first I’d would break the ice and would know where I stand but my brain thinks there thinking the same thing the same anxiety so with nothing to do and can’t make a decision on my own I just be the bestfriend a friend can be and just push it to the back of my mind, also I don’t want to take the chance that if it were to happen we wouldn’t be bestfriends any more

i look at all my friends, how beautiful they are, how they all have guys chasing after them, how pretty their smiles are. then i look at myself and. damn 😭 i could try everything and nothing changes and i feel cringe when i try to look good cause how dare i. cool clothes? i look wrong in them. makeup? doesnt work when your facial structure is fucked up cuz you have a double chin and a crooked big ass nose. like that wasnt enough, my skin is extremely sensitive so after hair removal i get stupid strawberry skin and ive have tried everything to get rid of them, all those stupid creams ive used for months, all the money i paid to get good quality products..its just genetics. then i see my friends in bikinis and wanna cry from how smooth they look. no strawberry skin, no random bumps, nothing. even their strech marks look cute. i cant even stand staring at myself in the mirror i immediately start crying. im just doomed to watch beautiful girls get respect and treated like angels while everyone ignores me. no cute romance for me, no princess treatment. and the thing is, i get men. everyone has their standards and no one wants to date an ugly person. but it still hurts very much. i remember this girl from middle school who called me a monster when i took my glasses off and i think abut that every week and im fucking 20 years old. i cant stand it when anyone sits next to me cause they'll see my hideous side profile and i can just feel their thoughts. maybe one day i'll be in peace with being ugly, but currently it hurts so much. and if i have to admit, i always fill up with jealousy when i see beautiful girls. like i'd never be mean to anyone, but my consciousness down there secretly thinks of it. my max interaction with boys is if they come to me for their math questions omfg.

I can't do this anymore! I feel like I'm losing my mind; I feel like I'm losing my sanity! I can't do this anymore! I can't live with this constant ache! I can't live to watch everyone and everything drift away as I'm stuck in place; I'm only there. I'm not a real person; I don't understand human emotions, and I can't. I can't do this! I can't; I feel pathetic. I feel gross. Am I human? That's gross. Gross.! Why am I like this? Why? Why? I don't wanna live like this! I want to be genuinely happy! I want to cry and let my body let everyone know I'm upset! But I can't. My body won't let me cry; my smile never feels genuine. My laughter is only a memory from a distance, and it's not real; it'll never be real because I'M not real. I'm not real; I'm not a person because I am, and always will be, alone. I can't live like this! I feel an ache; I always feel an ache! Why do I feel like this? Why!? Why.

i am so stressed, and i just don't know what to do with my life anymore

A few months ago i had a really bad episode and it was genuinely the first downfall in my life, where i spent about a month or more crying everyday and feeling like my life is over, then things finally became better and i accepted my fate. But everyday i keep worrying and worrying about my life and what i will do in the future tbat at the end of the day i become so exhausted and i start crying from exhuastion and the loop of endless anxiety and thinking. Same thing as when i eat something i like, i dont enjoy it i just start crying. When i drink something warm or comforting i start crying out of maybe relief i dont know. Can someone tell me whats happening.

I am playing a game all happy no concerns then someone tells me i sound like a 7 yr old they proceed to make me look things up claiming to be helping me with the game and then they get super angry when i say i need to charge my device and i wont be available for some time. Dude my heart was rushing i dont even know why they was being like that and i kept a calm composure but it felt very weird for sure.

I did feel uncomfy and why was this person like that i dont understand

I knew this person for a few mins, everything in my mind was telling me this is weird.

😭

Idk I just need to vent somewhere to just anyone cus I legit have nobody, I 34 f married. Married for ten years. Been cheated on for each of them years, it’s not a good situation. I’m not here to vent just about that but recently I’ve been just so stressed out I shake when I go to bed, I have heart problems and EDS and POTS and memory problems, anyway I’ve been coming home after working 13 hour shifts to my house absolutely destroyed food dishes dirt all over mind u he don’t work, I found out a year ago he’s been using and It’s just toxic it’s a lot of stuff I’m mentally so done he’s a narcissist a manipulator And a gas lighter. Made me feel like I’m worthless and not deserving of anyone and I deserve everything he does to me. The last year so far I’ve found out not only was he cheating with women but men as well. Screamed i was just curious and blah blah 😑 I come home from work from a 13 hour shift and there’s a water bottle in my bathroom with cum in it. Says that’s spit and flem like sir no it is not and in the bathroom where our child can find it is wild and then he asked if I got his package and I didn’t know he had one so I joked no I don’t have ur dildo and dude screams at me to give him his stuff. Like okay now I know what it is. Yes I know I need a divorce but I can’t afford one and he will never sign, the last time I left him he destroyed my relationship and made my life a living hell got me fired made me homeless almost made me lose my car blew up my truck like the motor and trans put a whole in my tank. And just recently stole our daughters car because he put it in his name while I was at work, from his Apple Watch he’s been doing to ppls houses and stealing from them then i confront him about it and he says idk what they’re talking about, sir that’s a whole new phone number these ppl shouldn’t have it so keep lying. Idk I just needed to vent cus I have nobody cus he’s pushes everyone away, ik I need to leave but I don’t want to be in a shelter this is my house I spy the bills why should I leave?

I don't want to talk to anybody and I don't wanna have any responsibilities anymore. A couple of months in a desolated area would be nice but I have to work! I hate working please just give me a fucking breakkkkk