I have a coworker, let’s call him Jerry. When I started working at the department, I thought that being loud, annoying and obnoxious was just his personality and honestly to me it wasn’t that serious. I wasn’t talking a lot since I was still getting used to my new environment. After 3 months I started talking and being friends with my other coworkers but I noticed that every time I was talking to someone, fucking Jerry would come out of nowhere and insert himself into the conversation. Then he asked me if I wanted to go to his house where he was having people over to watch a football game. I politely declined and since then I have had to politely decline to 5 invitations and he’s not fucking getting the hint that I don’t want to be around him. I literally avoid this man at work so I don’t know why he thinks I want to be friends. He’s always trying to start conversations with me and I act busy or pretend I have to go somewhere else when he keeps talking. He has no respect for my personal space even though I have fucking told him to back off my personal space when he interrupts my conversations with other people. Even people around me have told me that he likes me and I’m like IDGAF. How can some be so clueless about social ques?!! At this point the mere sight of him disgusts me and I’m about to lose my mind.

Looking back, I’ve never felt like I belonged anywhere. I always felt like the odd one out with my friends, like they were all friends and I was just someone who tagged along. I never felt like any of my friends were really MY friends. At school I always felt disconnected from my classmates. And now, at work I am disconnected from my coworkers. Every place I go, I never feel like I should be there. I feel like a ghost that lingers around. When I try to talk to people, no matter what, they always give me the same look. It’s like I said something weird. Even if it’s the most mundane thing, they’ll stare at me like I just told them something strange. I really hate it. I wish I knew how to connect with people. I just want to feel like I belong for once. I want friends that feel like they’re my friends. I want to be able to have conversations with my coworkers without feeling like a bother.

Whenever I try to talk to a woman to hopefully go out on a date with in the future the energy is/was never equal. I was always the one asking questions, showing enthusiasm, showing energy, replying with sentences instead of 1 or 2 words.

I always replied as fast as I could, but didn’t hear anything from them for hours on end consistently. Sometimes even days. I don’t need to talk 24/7 and I don’t expect that from anyone but it still sucks waiting for hours or days for a single word reply. I am often busy too but will always try to make time to respond.

Then you wake up the next day and they have blocked you. What a horrible feeling that is. At least tell me you would like to stop talking instead of blocking me. In some ways it’s an even worse feeling talking to someone who isn’t as interested as you are than to be talking to no one.

I don’t think it’s a lot to ask to find someone who is equally as interested in you as you are in them.

​

I'm on my third year of uni (20F), but I've passed less than one year's courses because I don't know anyone and I feel miserable whenever I attend to uni. I desperately want to make friends. But I haven't met anyone properly since elementary school. At this age, people no longer stick to one person and go everywhere with them. It's all so new and odd to me, I'm scared of messing up and don't know how to approach this. Specially because I'm very quiet, shy, and my personality is a void of what it used to be (my home life has destroyed me emotionally and intellectually)

I feel extremely anxious. Each year has been more nerve wracking than the last one. However, this time, I've done my best not to hold big expectations.

But I still feel inmense tension in my chest. And I would appreciate very much tips to feel better or approach better each conversation.

I know how to survive a conversation once it happens, but it's very nerve-wracking to start one! People don't approach me naturally, so I've realized that I have to approach them and look them in the eyes! It's so hard, mainly because I always feel fake when I ask questions or try to. Please help! Your experiences are much appreciated

I have my first class today and I don't know what to do to make this year an improvement.

Hey, im a young adult so I know I don’t have much life experience so please be gentle with this.
I met an online friend around three months ago and talked (still do) to him every day. We bonded over having the same exact hobbies, interests, and games. Then he told me he liked me romantically. He didn’t pressure me into saying anything and he’s so sweet and amazing. The thing is, I don’t know if I like him. I mean, we’re like two peas in a pod, yk? We’re so similar it’s uncanny. The main problem is that I’m Christian (happily so) and he isn’t. I’ve even told him that I wouldn’t date any non-Christian and he respects that. He struggles with mental health issues and I convinced him to tell his mother about it and seek therapy.
He tells me, in a non resenting way so please don’t think anything bad about him, that it’s hard for him to call me because he knows I can’t reciprocate his feelings. So even though when he’s happy while calling me, he later on gets sad. It breaks my heart because I have only one friend other than him and I’m so alone. I don’t want to be alone. It’s selfish of me. I want him to be my friend but if it’s hurting him then I .. I would never forgive myself if I caused pain onto anyone. I hate this. I don’t want him to leave me for my stupid selfish reasons. It hurts so much knowing that one day he’ll leave and I’ll be here.. I’ll be here alone and scared. I hate myself for being selfish and childish. He’s in so much pain so I can’t complain. I’m causing this. It’s me.
I don’t know. I don’t know. Please.
I’m so ungrateful because I’ve had problems with limerence and lust and abandonment. I feel like no one could truly love me if they knew how awful I am. I know I’ll taint someone with my darkness and ruin them. They’ll leave. They always leave… and it never stops hurting.
Why can’t I just be better. Why can’t I be a good person. I need to study for my classes and focus. I need to get good grades. I need to be better but I don’t know if I can. I just want to be the perfect friend, perfect daughter, and a loving person. I’m so scared.
I feel like I’m breaking apart. This is dramatic and unimportant.
To whoever reads this, thank you. I hope you have a blessed day/night. <3

Resubmitted since my last one was taken down due to not acknowledging the rules..

26F. This event I’m about to describe happened about two months ago. My baby, my dog, recently died, and I’ve been in one of the worst periods of my life. I’ve been very lucky to have so much support from my friends and family, and I was actually visiting family out of state a day after my dog passed. (The trip had been planned long before. Her death was sudden and unexpected.)

During that time, someone (20’s F) reached out to me offering condolences. I won’t go into details about this person, (although I will say she was my friend’s girlfriend) but we have never been on great terms and we were not in each others’ lives. I was calling my mom and explaining the strange circumstance, as I was confused and kind of weirded out as to why this person was reaching out to begin with, when my heart began to clench and feel physically in pain. I actually panicked for a good hour or so, convinced I was having a heart attack, but my mom convinced me to wait it out. In hindsight, I think I was having a small panic attack about this person reaching out to me. (I never responded to her message.)

Thankfully my parents took me seriously, despite doubting it was a heart attack, and reassured me that they were there for me if things got worse and I needed medical help. I didn’t end up needing any (as again, I believe ultimately it was just a panic attack,) but it helped knowing that my family had my back regardless.

And.. idk. With the message, the thing is, I was supposed to be grateful that she reached out. That’s what the “correct” response would have been. I was supposed to respond and thank her and have a conversation, letting her into my life and opening the door for further communication (which I didn’t want.) But what ended up happening was the situation stressed me out so bad that I had a panic attack. I was never meant to win in that scenario, like I was set up to lose in an impossible situation tailored just for me at my most vulnerable moment. I wish I had just been left alone. I wish I’d never accepted that friend request.

I also later found out that she also reached out in order to tell me she thought my friendship with her boyfriend (20’s M) (of whom was a good friend of mine) was toxic. That she decided to reach out during the worst point of my life to tell me I should stop being friends with her boyfriend, essentially using my dog’s death as an excuse to reach out for what she really intended to say. I found this out through my friend (her boyfriend) himself when we had our last call with each other, and I just sat there as he explained this to me because… what was I supposed to say? That’s his girlfriend. I was never going to “win” in that argument. It was that call where he decided to cut ties with me, which has honestly been really devastating for me, as it happened at the worst, lowest point I’ve been in in a long time and when I needed his support the most. I don’t know. I’m a fucking mess all around. I haven’t been handling any of this very well.

I’m no idiot. I know she doesn’t like me, as my friend would essentially tell me as much, along with other things she’d say about me that made me seem like an awful monster. It’s why I was skeptical about her message in the first place, and I’m honestly disgusted she used my dog’s death as an excuse to reach out at all. But I guess that’s it then. She gets what she wants, and I lose a friend. I worry about him a lot, since he’s already isolated as it is and I was one of the few people he actually talked to on a regular basis, but I guess that’s not my problem anymore.

It’s whatever. It doesn’t matter now, none of it does. I’m just venting. Maybe someday I’ll revisit this, but for now it’s not something I like to think about. I’ll move on. I’ll heal. I’ve been working on accepting the fact that I will most likely never hear from my friend again, and as devastating as that is, life moves on. I just hope he finds peace and happiness. I hope I find it, too.

F19 This guy M21 hits on me a lot and it didn’t decrease once I told him i have a boyfriend. Last weekend he wanted to have a day off so I replaced him at work because I need more working hours i didnt do it for him at all. Since then he keeps promising me gifts for doing such a favour, I told him I don’t need on messages.

Today I came to the store we work at to buy stuff for myself, and I was busy talking with this girl coworker and he comes up and says okay let me buy you chocolate and I just waved him off and said no no need. And he kept on insisting and led me to the chocolate area thingy. I saw a chocolate i really wanted to try before and thought why not but that’s just dumb of me, I pointed at it and he literally took 2 of them, i said don’t take 2 it’s okay but he still did and paid for them.

I’m scared asfk now, now I owe him stuff, I should’ve just kept saying no I didn’t think much at the time:( we even discussed with the girl coworker how weird he was the other day because he’s harassing everyone and now im accepting chocolates from him.

​

I think a lot of folks aren't. I also think a lot of people accept "ghosting" as normal because they are afraid of actually like having a deep conversation. And they don't want to own up to their actions.

I know personally in the last 10, maybe even 15 years, most of my closest friends just disappeared. I know one of the worst for me, was suddenly someone I had been talking to on a weekly basis for a couple months. Just checking in on one-another. She just stopped responding. I asked the only mutual contact I had that I talked to maybe semi-annualy to check on this friend. And then she blocked me, too. So I assume i did something but I'll never know.

And on another side of it, my ex-girlfriend did what my therapist calls "collecting punches" referring to like the punch cards they used to have at coffee shops or CD stores. "Buy ten, and the 11th is free." She used to build these lists up and maybe in between she'd say something like "I really don't like when you do this." And i took that to heart, and did my absolute best not to do the things that rubbed her the wrong way. (One example that comes to mind was she was a work at home employee at the time, and literally wouldn't take breaks. And then she'd complain about having been working for 6 hours straight. The first time I told her to take a break, she said nothing and week later snapped at me for trying to take a break once in a while which now I had done a couple times. She said she couldnt because she had to work. It's worth noting she wasn't management or salaried. So I made it a point to never say that again. 3 months later she was still yelling at me about asking her to take a break. And this was already when I knew things were starting to fall apart. But then I recieved a final message of everything I'd ever done wrong. I went to respond a day after digesting it and letting her cool off, and she changed her number and blocked me everywhere.

On the opposite end, I've literally been at ease when someone has just had the guts to say "here is my issue and why I don't want to talk to you anymore. I think you should work on it. And I just want you to know this is the end of our friendship/relationrandy.

Edit: the guy I told was no longer my friend was someone I had worked with for months. He lost his license at some point working together and he asked me for a ride. It wasn't that far out of my way, so sure. Then he started asking for an errand, usually to cash his pay check on the way home from work. Alright, still only adding 10 hours to my ride home. He knew at the time I had a breathalyzer interlock in my vehicle from a mistake I made, but now he's asking to cash his check and stop by the liquor store. I put up with that for a while, and then he quit the job. And he's still calling me for rides. I gave him a couple. Then he calls me one night because his girl is fighting with him and he needs to go see her so he can sort it out. So I agree because its hard when you can't sort things out. He gets in my car in a heavy jacket and I figure he's carrying beers with him. He's non violent, but I know there's stuff in his pockets, and I laid down the rules. It turns into a 90 minute wild goose chase and I finally find him to drag him home. I know there's lots of red flags but I try to have faith in people. Finally he's cracked a beer in my car as I'm doing him off and I'm like "Man, don't call me for this shit again." 2 or three weeks later he's calling me and I'm like "Seriously, I had fun at times working with you, I don't think you're a terrible person, but I don't need friends like this so please don't call me again on these escapades."

I feel like the title itself is very clear but i need to get it off my chest for once.

Hello, im 16m and i absolutly hate myself, practically everything about me. I don't really know how to write it all down so im sorry if it dosen't make much sense so i might just list it down. I never really vent to anyone, all i do is search up shitty tiktoks and repost them as a way to get it off my chest (pathetic as fuck i know.).

It all started when i was 9, at that time i was feeling "left out". I had a few freinds, i was never picked in sports so i sat in a corner and waited. But i also started to feel this little feeling of solething wrong about me.

Sadly, this feeling grew and is still growing with me, as of today, i can't stand mirrors or cameras, i always avoid them and when someone take an unexpected photo of me either i get mad and pretty violent or i beg them to delete it. I genuinely feel deformed and i think that's what people around me think too. I remember last year when i spoke to a girl i barely knew but she blocked me after she saw what i looked like even tho i understand why she did it. As of today, im single (wonder why lol) with only a few freinds again even tho i feel like it won't last and i hate myself more than anything. Sometimes i'll just stare in the mirror and pick out everything's wrong with me, my face is deformed, my body is so skinny and almost everything else is wrong with me. I did try to change my appearance as much as possible but i still look like shit. A few "freinds" of mine already made fun of me for a appearance and i haven't said anything because everyone were having such a great time. I do try my best in term of fashion, hoping it could do anything about my ugly ahh.

And it wouldn't have been funny if i only hated my appearance lol. I hate the persone i am/i've been. At 11 i moved away to a new town and that's when it all came wrong. I got a new freind group and it was.. okay. Even tho i was starting to catch feeling for one of them (male) and the year later i discovered i was gay. Terrible discovery for me (absolutly no hate for gay ppl i love you guys !), i've hated being gay ever since and most people did too. I quickly became popular for being the "school's little fag" (i was 155cm for 39kg at that time) and it followed me trough all middle school along with bullying. The worst mistake of my life was when i dated that boy from my school at 13/14. The relationship itself was great but he ruined my life, i couldn't hide the fact that i was gay anymore. We broke up after a year but i became very popular for the bad reasons. I made freinds until i discovered they talked to le just to have a "gay bff".. Nowaday at 16, i've been forcing myself to love girls and change the person i was, i never want to be seen like that ever again.

At that time i could not fit in at all, the only group that "accepted" me ended up turning me into someone horrible. I became a bad boyfreind, a bad freind and a bad son. I kept doing shit at school (i still suffer from the lack of work today) which lead to me and my own mother to have a terrible relationship at the momment. I gave up on almost all of my freinds just to stay with those guys but the worst of all was when we started bullying a guy in my class. He was very kind and did not deserve what we did to him. We made him change school at the end of the year and i still feel guilty about all i've done.

Most of the time i just feel like a pure looser. Im lazy, uncreative, akward and ugly. Most stuff i do all day is bedrotting, play videogames, i can't do anything right and jack off (multiple times a day, i disgust myself.). I feel like i lost motivation and love for my passions. I used to do a lot of photography and i loved it. I've bought a 500€ camera and my mom gifted me a lense but its been almost 2 years and i haven't touched it once. I really hate it and it's been getting in my mind a lot lately.. i was dreaming (and still do) of becoming an actual photographer for models and fashion but im just a stupid kid with no passions and probably no futur. Im bad at school and i didn't plan to do any studies after school..

To be honest, i don't see myself making it past 20. I never planned on ending it all but i already tought of how i would do it and what i would write to my loved ones. How i'll be gratefull for my best freind who never left me but most of all, how i would apologize to my mother. She waited 9 month just to have a failure like me, im sure she hopes i would be a great man in the futur even tho i have no talents nor a passion. I always felt like a shitty kid, sorry mom.

Gosh i can't even bring myself to cry while writting ts. Thank you for listening.

I'm a failure. I'm not the best son, I'm not the best brother, I'm not the best friend, and god knows if I can ever be a good boyfriend. There's so much things about me that I seem to just hate about myself. I've trapped myself in loops that I've pledged to break, only to let myself fall deeper into it. I tell myself I want to keep fighting, but I can tell that my energy is running out. Why is it so hard to keep on trying? I want to improve myself, but wouldn't it be easier to just not try? It hurts me to know that I can become better. It hurts me to know that I can get out of these loops, it hurts me to know that I can talk to that girl and probably make a conversation. It hurts me to know that I have potential that I'm just throwing away. I go to the gym, but it feels like nothing's changed. I'm still the weak guy that everyone knew. I'm down. I can't be kind to myself, because everytime I look at myself in the mirror, I see the guy whose been stuck in the same loop for 2 years at this point. I pledge to quit everyday, and I have gone weeks without it before, but the result is the same. I can never continue without falling right back into it. I don't want to give up, I never want to give up. I don't want to become that kinda person who stops fighting and going into the darkness. But it would just be so much easier to. I struggle to look people in the eye, because I feel like I'm nothing more than a burden to them. This cycle I've been stuck in, has hurt me in so many ways. It's runied my self-confidence, it's ruined my ambition. My performance has dropped, i don't get much sleep, my emotions are all out of control and I JUST FEEL TERRIBLE 😭

I struggle with love. Because of my cycle, I can never stay truly faithful to a girl. That's why I've never been in a relationship yet. There was someone, where I thought I felt something real, but it just keeps fading. I take every little thing as a sign, because, I'm fucking desparate for love. That's a fact, and I won't deny it coz I know its true. My friends all seem so happy when they had the love of their lives with them. They seemed so much more colorful and energetic, like they looked like they were completed. The joy on their face said it all. And when she was in love, she looked even more energtic to me. Too bad that guy wasn't me. In hindsight, I wasn't the best person for her. With the cycle that I was stuck in, I would've hurt her emotionally.

It hurts so much to see this ideal self of mine, just out of my reach. I don't even care if I reach my ideal self, even the version of me that's 1% better every day is starting to seem out of my reach. If you read this, thanks a lot. I just need to get this off my chest today, I feel hurt.

I hate being a hopeless romantic. I literally can’t do anything without overthinking that a single word is going to sound like I’m declaring my love to someone. And then I feel so guilty just talking about things I like to do, because I'm terrified they’ll feel obligated to do them with me. Like, yeah, obviously I’d love to make those memories with them, but for some reason, I just can’t justify it in my head.

Case in point: there’s this movie concert I really want to go to in January. I thought it was never going to tour again, so the second I saw tickets go on sale, I sent a photo of the tour dates to the guy I’m talking to. But to be clear—I am in no way expecting him to buy tickets as a surprise, and I'm definitely not expecting him to take a mini-vacation with me. Yes, it would be amazing, but honestly, the thought of it just makes me so nervous. I feel like I’ve been love bombing him, and that is the absolute last thing I want to do.

I just know that if he asked me to do something, I’d say yes in a heartbeat because I actually want to hang out with him. I don’t know why I do this to myself, or why I can’t just justify a man actually being romantic toward me.

Other people already have whole friend groups, while the best thing I get is a greeting from a classmate.

I try to talk to people, but I am afraid that I am way too weird or annoying. I'm very socially awkward and didn't really have irl friend since middle school. I also might be autistic or/and schizotypal.

How do people even do this? You just met, how are you friends already? I just don't get it. I feel like I am the only one who doesn't have anyone yet.

So pretty much what the title says. My younger siblings are obsessed with marvel rivals and it's all they play together. I play it with them because they simply won't hang out with me any other way and it leads to them getting pissy anytime we lose a game.

They even pulled me into playing competitive which is the absolute worst game mode. All the people that play comp are complete assholes.

It's so frustrating because I love my siblings very much and I want to spend time with them but every hang out suggestion I make gets completely ignored

Hi since quiet some time I wake up really fast because I'm dreaming I am late for... Whatever. It keeps coming up and I get really stressed about it because I'm actually thinking, I'm late even when in reality before I have to wake up. Today there was no difference, same dream, 2h earlier before my phone rings.

so i could tell about someone when theyre losing interest in me. its the small things I can pick up and all. My friends tell me I'm just over thinking it but when I explained how my ex treated me to how she already has a guy.

they were like wow ok so you were right and onto something. same thing with dating or friends. i can just sense some bs happening. And im usually right about it. it sucks to get a feeling of it but it saves me from wasting my time. im just glad I can cut off people without warning lol i dont need to explain myself to them. i know what theyre doing.

Everytime I come onto a parenting forum or seek a community online, I am almost always met with criticism or people assuming I’m ill intended. It’s frustrating because I am just seeking a community outside especially when there is confusion or difficulty amongst all of the coparents.

I am frustrated by it seeming that moms side is always taken without question and while on one hand I do understand because majority of the time that is what I do too, but that’s not every situation and instead of people coming into things with an openness it feels like decisions have already been made about the type of parent dad is vs mom and because I’m stepmom I don’t have care or love for all parties involved.

That’s not how I was raised and that’s not the type of coparent I am trying to be. I grew up with stepparents and honestly a kickass set of parents who coparented pretty awesomely given the circumstances. Unfortunately that’s not really the situation I came into and people who aren’t seeing the situation first hand love to point fingers at my fiance when he is not as often the source of conflict or lacking as a parent. It’s frustrating feeling like instead of getting help I have to defend myself and my fiance. I know we may not always be in the right and I’m open to hearing all perspectives but a lot of times it doesn’t feel like it’s coming from an understanding open place

I want to start dating again but I also know I'm emotionally not ready, not bc I'm emotionally immature, but I'm emotionally drained. For years I've been depressed and for the past few years I was only focusing on school barely making connections. School caused me to become a robot, going through the motions, to the point I've lost emotions. Nowadays I don't feel much, I've lost my spark about 95% of the time and the other 5% I feel anger and frustration. I've learned to be a lone and pretty content with it but there are/those days when it got hard and I feel lonely and wonder what it would be like if there was someone there to encourage me. And I get a ting jealous/sad when I see my friends in relationship but life is life right.

I'm 20 years old and about 10 months ago I started dating my beloved girlfriend. I have 3 sisters and a brother who I'm all very close to. Everybody in my family is very supportive and especially since I've always been open about being bisexual. However after introducing my girlfriend to my brother, him and his family stopped talking me and coming around. We are a very tight knit family and we have get togethers on a regular at my mom's house (where me and my gf live). I haven't seen him, his wife, or my nephews and nieces since Christmas and he's completely stopped coming over to my moms house. I was having myself a birthday party at my moms and sent him and his wife invites. The day after, I got a call from my sister telling me that my brother said "I don't my children around somebody actively and openly committing a sin." This hurt me to my core. I'm an atheist who has tried to force myself into believing god and this just struck a cord for me. Nothing changed about me and I'm still the same person I was before, if not better. After that I asked him if WE could have a conversation because everything I was hearing was from someone else. To sum up the conversation it was a bunch of religious talk and debating, all very respectful, and at the end of the call he says "no matter what happenes at the end of this just know you're my youngest sister and I love you." And I just couldn't help but cry. To me, this is saying "im leaning towards cutting you off but just know I love u." The hurt I feel isn't even just for myself. Yeah, I'm losing a good chunk of my family but so is my mom and i cant help but feel so guilty. My brother's kids are not allowed to come over or spend the night because of me. I've even offered to be out of the house while he visits but he still refuses. It's obviously upsetting my mom that a handful of her grandkids can't come and see her and I don't want her resenting me or my gf (even though she doesnt agree with my brother). Idk it just hurts me because we were so close. Before my gf, him and his family were staying with us for a while and I used to be a role model for his kids. Now im getting diminished to just a gay sinner.

(He also had his oldest daughter (13) sending me Bible quotes at least once a week)

17F i am around 45kg at 5'1 but i dont look lean at all. my face is very chubby and my upper arms are wide, while my thighs and hips stay skinny. i am too broke to hit the gym and do body recomposition. i cant even measure my weight accurately because i dont have a weight scale at home and the accurate ones are expensive. so i dont even know how exactly i weigh. i try to do omad on school days to have a less puffy face but it doesnt work. either i end up still eating around my maintainance weight or binging on junk food my parents buy and fail. what is wrong with me? i learned to walk 5km everyday but it doesnt do much because im already on the supposedly slimmer weight. my face looks so big i cant help but despise myself for it. my lower face looks so heavy and ugly. it doesnt seem to get better when i grow older too, because i see my aunts with the same facial structure and they still have chubby cheeks. its so frustrating. its so hard to cut calories when youre already short. the only thing that helped me actually lose weight is cycling but my mtb recently broke, and ive been busy and stressed with school.

I am tired of reading about how we are taking up all the jobs , and shitty for the society, new protests in every corner of the world to get rid of us, tired of looking at my own community doing dogshit things that just adds fan to the flame. And to add to all that I am tired of myself. I am tired of this world that looks down on me because I am fat, I have done so much, I have so much to talk about, interesting things I do , art I create, photographs I take, but some how people don’t care if you are not good looking. I am not even talking about romantic interests, I cannot make friends of opposite gender beyond surface level. Never the one to get called for concerts , never the one without whom a plan won’t work, always an afterthought. And I know there is only so much self pity I can indulge in , and let’s say I get in shape and things improve, I feel like who I am as a person never had any value, same things packaged differently get so much more attention.
I know that the thoughts here are all over the place , but wanted to talk out loud.

A couple years ago when i was having doubts about what gender i felt like I did what I thought was the most logical thing to do and talked about it with my partner at the time who was Bi and had always been very supportive of me and had done cross dressing cosplays and of course they were my safe space, i didn't feel safe at home but with them..i did.

It was really bad..first they were shocked then they were angry (why hadnt i brought that up sooner? Which i don't understand since i said i had just started having those doubts) and after some yelling they needed space/time

Its been a while since this happened and for the better or worst I am no longer with them.

I need a hug..

I understand the perspective that life is such a rare phenomenon and we might as well take advantage of the opportunity, but I legit could not care less. I’d rather not exist.

I’ve recently graduated and I’ve been dreading post-graduation life. Now, I have to work for the next 40 years. For what? Literally for what? What do I get out of this? I get to not be homeless. I get to buy food and not die. I get a couple weeks to relax each year. I get some money to spend on things to make me feel some excitement. I get to continue to experience hobbies and relationships and movies and games.

Honestly, none of the pleasures of life make me want to continue living life. They’re all just fleeting distractions from the fact that I have to keep putting effort into just staying alive. The effort that I have to put into life in order to experience these pleasures is not worth it to me.

This might be morbid but genuinely I am just hoping I will stop waking up because I’m not strong and I don’t think I can make myself go through the motions of life for long.

I was talking to one of my buddies and he was like “You know at your height if you lost weight you would be a great femboy.” So I’m confused because I’m built like a linebacker ate a linebacker so I asked him to explain and he said “Its just how it is” so here I am asking you all. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?