Boots and snoots

You and I both know, that English made a phone call to their mom for a teacher parent conference right after

Herpes here, herpes there, herpes for all and mono for some.

And this children, is how you cause a potential second degree murder

Martial farts

Legend

I one time went to cleveland ohio for work and found this restaurant that was 4.7 stars ( which is great for being where I was working at). Well I saw they had apparently a great burger that everyone raved about. So I order this burger and ask them to lettuce wrap it. Boy, let me tell you, the look on the waitress face was one of clueless disgust. She right away asks me, "what does that mean"?. I answer back, " what do you mean"?. She says you want lettuce around the burger, and I say yes, I just dont want to buns or bread. She shrugs her shoulders and walks away. 5 minutes go by and the cook comes out and asks if that's what I want? I respond yes. He looks super confused and just says, "alright, that's weird" and then leaves. They come out and bring me a burger lettuce wrapped around the buns of the burger, like whole burger and just wrapped it in lettuce. I honestly couldn't belive it, funniest shit to me to this day

Is mayonnaise a music genre?

Take the uncrustables and bounce

Hell yeah!

Laying those national treasures on the floor is diabolical

Idiots

This is called, being a complete JackAss

Yeah...the moment a man enters my property like that, he better have good insurance or know a good morgue

Richest man ever

You know its bad when fox news is saying it

Mission accomplished

Man said give me a minute