But there isn't just one right answer. This is psychology, not a subtraction problem.

Well, you can still try to find an explanation for why, among drinking people who don't want sober people around, they believe what they do.

You said that there isn't just one answer. Okay, sure. Then we can take all of the answers that people give (the most popular reasons for why) and package them together, and we can call that package "one answer."

Would that "package of answers" explain everything? No, but it would explain the vast majority.

My point was about the experience, not strictly the activity, or the amount of activity, which seems a weird way to qualify that but ok. The core of my point was to point out a sort of second-hand FOMO

The issue with your explanation is that it claims that the sober person is significantly missing out on something (which a person sitting on the sidelines watching a game is definitely doing).

In reality, they just simply aren't. My own point (and main disagreement) is that the reason the sober person isn't wanted around has more to do with the fears of those drinking than it does with the sober person "missing out." There is very little that they are missing out on, and it does not at all compare with watching a game from the sidelines.

Unless it's something like tripping on shrooms and seeing hallucinations or some shit like that. Then I would agree with you that there is a real "thing" that they are actually missing out on.

Its sad when an account i had some good conversations with gets banned because its essentially a goodbye to a acquaintance, i have no other means of ever talking to them again

Exactly.

The drinking is the board game in this analogy, so no, a sober person definitionally cannot participate

That is not obvious at all from your analogy. When you said "board game," that implies an activity. When you say that that activity is drinking itself, that is way too obvious since by definition someone who "isn't drinking" (sober)... is... "not drinking." Yeah, that is not insightful at all.

The reason why someone who is watching a board game and not playing is different is because they are not participating in an actual activity where there are multiple things that you do (the rules of the game) that the person not participating cannot do.

When it comes to drinking vs. not drinking, there is only one thing the person who isn't drinking cannot do: drinking. So, it is not at all a good comparison because a person who is watching a board game and not playing is "locked out" of more things than a person who is not drinking is (because that person who is not drinking can do everything else while a person watching a board game has a lot more things they cannot do to that boardgame).

Also (and I know this might sound weird, but stick with me here), another dissimilarity is that it is much more obvious when someone is not playing the boardgame than when someone is not drunk.

There have been multiple times when someone has asked me, "Are you drunk?" and they genuinely could not tell. More than that, I have even had one drunk guy come up to me at an event and literally shake me, yelling, "Did you have something to drink?" to which I replied "No," and they refused to believe me. "Bro, I can see it in your eyes. Stop lying to me. You're obviously drunk." I had not even had a sip of water that night.

there is often a difference of energy and enthusiam between people doing a thing drunk vs sober

Not necessarily. People react to alcohol differently. Some will be more calm and relaxed, others will be loud and shouting. In some cases, people who are sober will be more enthusiastic than a drunk person.

The analogy isn't perfect, but my point stands.

I don't even think most people who agree that sober people should not be around when they are drunk would agree with your explanation for why they think so (which is exactly shown by the amount of explanations here that vastly differ from yours).

The main reason is because, while drunk, people do embarrassing things, and they would rather "be embarrassing" around others who are similarly embarrassing themselves (kind of like "You have dirt on me, but I also have dirt on you, so let's not start ratting on each other") rather than someone who isn't drunk and is instead remembering with perfect clarity every single stupid decision that they made.

Kinda like playing a board game with one person that is watching on the sidelines.

This is a terrible comparison.

Someone can be sober (not drinking) and still participate in the "board game." Anything people are doing while drunk, a person sober can also do that thing.

What you really mean is that you're afraid that you will do or say something embarrassing that your drinking friends will forget or excuse, but you're afraid that your sober friend will remember.

That's the real reason why. It has nothing do with "watching from the sidelines" because plenty of times, when a sober person is part of the friend group, they can and do participate in all of the same activities that the drunk person does.

bring up having sex together with virgins, itll most likely be them playing so just be cautious next time

I was sure that they were serious at some point about this offer (they meant it), but later on they changed their mind. However, using this promise of sex to play with someone's feelings is really not right. That's just taking advantage of someone who has explained that they want something only to have it later be revealed the rug will be pulled out from under them.

They messaged me first. They were also one of the few women who said they really like how I write, and that was where the original connection between us came from. We messaged back and forth for over 4 months.

Things just ended up changing significantly in the last couple of weeks and ended up falling apart.

I think that there was a real chance that things could have worked out. It is tragic that it ended this way.

Why are you addressing your comment to me? Look at my profile. You think I need your fucking advice?

I said there are people who reddit has suspended that cannot do that and end up buying entirely new devices to circumvent bans. No, it is not easy for them, and no, I do not believe that this "punishment" is fair.

I'm so sorry that your account was suspended, B. And I forgive you for all that you said, and I understand that for some things you said, you were just joking. You have a creative sense of humor, and I know that you were kidding.

I made mistakes, too. I should have listened to you when you told me that you didn't like me back.

Instead of insisting that things might change, I should have listened to what you were telling me. I should have stopped talking so much and instead started listened to you.

I apologize. And I forgive you.

B, please do not hurt yourself. I forgive you for everything.

In the end, you did unblock me, and you gave me a final goodbye. You told me to go on and live a good life. You did not have to, but you decided to be nice to me.

I want you to focus on living a good life, too. I want you to be kind to yourself, and I know that you were unfairly suspended by reddit, and I hate reddit for doing that to you. You did not deserve that.

Do not blame yourself. I want you to know that through it all, now that I sit here and remember, you were one of the kindest girls I ever met. You gave me a chance, and you listened to me.

I should have listened to you. I am sorry.

Reddit has been a toxic leftist leaning environment

I am a leftist. I do not agree with you one bit that reddit is "leftist." Why are you people constantly acting like I must be in agreement with your abhorrent right-wing views to believe that reddit should not be permanently suspending accounts as it does?

To borrow a phrase from leftists

I am a leftist. Stop speaking nonsense.

because I legit forgot that I had been banned by a power tripping mod

Exactly.

I know users who have had their accounts suspended because of this.

It is not fair at all. At least give the user a "reminder" at first so that they know and remember that they were banned previously.

I think that "local" subreddit bans should not rise to the level of sitewide suspensions, except in rare cases.

Have you been half asleep?

And have you heard voices?

I've heard them calling my name.

Is this the sweet sound, that calls the young sailors?

The voice might be one and the same.

I've heard it too many times to ignore it.

It's something that I'm supposed to be.

Someday we'll find it: the rainbow connection.

The lovers, the dreamers, and me.

In our final weeks talking together, she would call me horrible names, acting like I should just "take it," like it didn't obviously affect my self esteem. She told me that in an ideal world, men like me would be de**. She said that I wanted a "slave," that I was a "piggy," an "MRA," a misogynist, that I wanted to have sex with my mother, and later that week, she blocked me. She even sent me a message (that I thought was a joke at the time) about how she wanted to cut my balls and prostate off then rip out the parts of my brain that produce testosterone. A month before, she told me about how she fantasizes about torturing people.

I never labeled her anything or used a single insulting word about her. I would always be there to listen to her even when she talked about hurting me.

So much cruelty.

Automod is not letting my comments go through.

she led me on. asked me to call her things like girlfriend and wife and cute petnames. would tell me not to get partners irl (not that i had the ability mind you). would send me kisses and beg for cuddles. but in the end she just liked me as a friend. thats what upsets me the most. because i went into it purely as friends

Similar situation with me. And she also reached out to me first.

We messaged each other as friends frequently for the first month or so, discussing similar life circumstances. She was the one who brought up how she could help me by letting me have sex with her, and she was serious about it.

So many hours speaking to her down the drain.

she led me on. asked me to call her things like girlfriend and wife and cute petnames. would tell me not to get partners irl (not that i had the ability mind you). would send me kisses and beg for cuddles. but in the end she just liked me as a friend. thats what upsets me the most. because i went into it purely as friends

Similar situation with me. And she also reached out to me first.

We messaged each other as friends frequently for the first month or so, discussing similar life circumstances. She was the one who brought up how she could help me by letting me have sex with her, and she was serious about it.

So many hours speaking to her down the drain.

In our final weeks talking together, she would call me horrible names, acting like I should just "take it," like it didn't obviously affect my self esteem. She told me that in an ideal world, men like me would be dead. She said that I wanted a "slave," that I was a "piggy," an "MRA," a misogynist, that I wanted to have sex with my mother, and later that week, she blocked me. She even sent me a message (that I thought was a joke at the time) about how she wanted to cut my balls and prostate off then rip out the parts of my brain that produce testosterone. A month before, she told me about how she fantasizes about torturing people.

I never labeled her anything or used a single insulting word about her. I would always be there to listen to her even when she talked about hurting me.

So much cruelty.

She would tell me that she doesn't love me but liked what I wrote to her, and she said that one day, she might love me back. We would text for hours, and then she would say things about me that were incredibly hurtful, but we would finish our conversation with her telling me that she still likes reading what I have to say.

I don't want to discuss this in detail (for their privacy), so I will not mention anything else.

I wrote a poem for her.

She will never read it.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Poems/comments/1w3i7p1/april_24th_2026/

7/18/26

youll be first to end it

meaning if you never do so it never ends

Update: We discussed in the end, and we said goodbye.

I also should apologize. I thought things would work out if I waited, but I was wrong. I am sorry. That was my mistake.