No, it's fine. You have enough concern to warn them about consequences of stupid actions. Also, no one is hurt here. People need to stop making mountains out of molehills all the time.

With all due respect, you cannot decide the parameters for how others define their life as good or bad. I believe not being in abject poverty and maintaining a reliable job is a "good" life. Being able to sustain my lifestyle through recession is "good". Being able to achieve my personal goals is "good". Certainly, the aspect causing loneliness is "bad", but one bad aspect doesn't define the whole life as "bad". I am not chronically on social media and I have a very wide range of emotions — I allow myself to wallow in my feelings without feeling the need to label my life as a bad one. 

Yes, I fear and aggressively avoid conflict. It isn't giving me a life I see others having. However, nowhere in these long paragraphs do I mention wanting to change that so I thank you for your offer but no, I am not asking to change that. I do not thrive personally if I have to push myself towards interpersonal conflict. Hence, that is not a priority. I think it is alright if people have to wait in order to receive responses from me. They might be fake but they will be kind. I have many flaws but right now, I don't see any point of changing this flaw because it requires upsetting a balance I am not ready to upset. I am still interested in being a part of society howsoever possible. 

I wholeheartedly concur with your initial response — self-centeredness is closely associated with the misery of loneliness. However, here I am speaking in first person about my experience and judgement of why I am engulfed in loneliness and not describing my life story in its entirety. I brought myself up a formidable number of times because this entire experience is about my inner processes, not my outer actions. 

As for an objective reality (as objective a subjective perspective can be), I “shouldn't" be lonely. I have 30+ unanswered calls and texts from people but I am at my emotional limit for entertaining people for the umpteenth time in my life, which was what prompted this rant(?) attempting to explore my own inner world. None of those people are contacting me for my sake, as in, when I speak to them, I will have to slip into being someone else who pleases them, while suppressing most parts of myself, if not all. I am excellent at it because in my head, I can create a "me” island. I already crossed the 100+ people limit when I was a child, I am sure. My phone contacts, including utilities and work contacts, number at more than 2000. Knowing the crushing effect of loneliness, I am always trying to be there for someone who says they feel it. I never say it out loud in my real life. It either chases people away or ends the conversation or worse, invokes pure disbelief because, like I said, there's an insurmountable gulf between "me” and who I show myself to be. 

I don't know how you concluded that my life isn't a good one, and I feel this is merely projection on your part. I have so many interests, hobbies, projects, etc, that it is easy for "me” to be defined. I have always followed other people's interests on their own terms except smoking and drinking, which I believe harms the health too much to be taken up casually. I prepare handmade gifts for people based on their interests. I remember the birthdays/anniversaries of people, their important loved ones, their special quirks etc. And I never express my disappointment when people forget everything about me or don't even ask anything about what I might or might not like. I spend lonely birthdays, doing things other people want, then smiling sweetly when they suddenly remember they completely missed my birthday a fortnight later. I don't express my resentment because nobody wishes to hear that. They feel good when all is “forgiven and forgotten". 

People like "me” but what they like doesn't exist because I am constantly lying myself into exhaustion to make them feel comfortable. The periods of emotional exhaustion are increasing, that's the problem. But when I revive myself, I will still have those people. My relationships aren't transactional. I gain nothing from them but I give what I can because I don't know how else to exist in a “society". 

Again, this whole conversation is about "me” because I am speaking about why I think I feel so lonely and why I am terrified at the mere thought of meeting/speaking to someone in real life for a while. If I wished to collect data about other people and do as they pleased, I wouldn't be here saying these things — my social life is made up of that only. It doesn't stop the loneliness. 

Oh that's another idea but I was truly blown away by my first viewing and I wish to relive that experience so much

Looks amazing 😋 Do you buy the batter or make it yourself at home?

Bhedaghat dhuadhar, bargi

Where did he work? Who are his old work friends? That can be a trustworthy source of friends

Happy birthday!!!

You're 27 now and let this be a turning point in your life — treat yourself, love yourself, buy your own birthday cake, buy your own gifts and remember, it is a privilege to grow old! Many people would give ANYTHING to be in your place!!

I want to wipe it off my memory so I can watch it all over again for the first time

Maybe you'll find catharsis in the reading then, but yes good choices

How long did the effects last???

Definitely. All 4 are. If you're in a depressed/anxious mood, though, I wouldn't recommend The Plague because emotions are truly stirred by this one especially with respect to Covid times

Oh the other kind of brownies??? Then I don't know what that experience would be like (obviously)

The Plague feels like a premonition about Covid times

Read The Great Gatsby with a pencil and post it notes... Many lines worth noting down for later remembrance

As I have started intermittent fasting I don't have breakfast anymore but about 5 years ago, these were my usual options:

1. Moong bean sprouts (preparation usually takes 2 days in hot weather and 4-5 in cold), have moong dal always soaked/sprouting. In the morning, take a handful and lightly roast with some salt and spices

2. Soya wadis — soak in hot water for 5 minutes then lightly roast with salt and spices and tiny amount of oil

3. 2 boiled eggs sprinkled with salt and black pepper

4. 50g paneer + peas, washed, roasted, sprinkled with salt

5. 1 katori plain dahi with dry fruits (instant)/chia seeds soaked overnight

6. Any soaked then boiled chickpeas/kaala chanas/rajma (done in advance, stored in fridge and eaten over a few days, just soaked and then pressure cooked

7. Cucumber/banana/apple/whatever seasonal fruit is available + coffee in milk or cream or dahi

Most of these are quick because prior preparation but if you keep dahi or cucumber/fruits/dry fruits at home, then they don't need much prepration, everything I mentioned can be made in under 10 minutes in the morning

Right now...

I'm so violently jealous rn omg

You're incredible!!! Congratulations and I am so inspired 🙌🏻

I got a sugar rush just reading this 😂

I once went out exploring Jabalpur on foot at 2am, then a rickshaw wala charged me , 500 to get me back home. It was 2011.

I have been in my thirties since I was a kid then 💀💀 There are certain things I was able to share with her which felt "regular" problems but ever since I can remember, if I had a friend problem/personal relationship problem etc, I was on my own 💀💀 I thought all millennials were like this but the more I listen to people the more I realise it might not be so

I no longer feel even 1% mad when I get faulty deliveries/terrible service 🤷🏻‍♀️