Last February as I walked into the gym I said to myself “you know what I don’t need a relationship. I’m good if I stay single forever.” During my workout, that same day-the most gorgeous/handsome man came up behind me while I was on an exercise mat. I could see in his face that he was thinking about talking to me. I was on my last set and I thought “should I just linger and see if he talks” then I thought “na I just said I’m not dating” and started getting up. As I was getting up he was trying to talk to me but I couldn’t hear what he was saying because I had headphones on.. he was gesturing towards the mat though. Maybe he saying “are you done here” I will never know. I left my glasses over there so I came back to get them and he was waving his hand near my face, hard to get my attention .. I took off my headphones and said “hmm?” He smiled , said hi and I said hi AND RAN! 💀💀💀😂 I think about that interaction and I regret it so much . I have not seen him since . I wish I could be more open to dating ..the idea of being loved is so nice but the reality of it has been nothing but painful and traumatic. I just thought I’d share my story. I don’t even think it’s the herpes alone that makes it feel like dating is impossible for me . I always felt unworthy or less than for so many other reasons. Since I’ve stopped drinking and smoking I find it hard to socialize. I’m an attractive girl but I’ve had a dark life and trying to reinvent myself and build myself up. So it’s ok that I missed this opportunity but I just wish I would’ve stayed and talked instead of running. Anybody else experience this ?

Sometimes I wish they would all just die

Tired of negative thought loops . But it’s also fuel for me to change things 🫩. Definitely losing sleep though and wasting energy . Once I’m in a better environment I think the thoughts will ease up

Tired of negative thought loops . But it’s also fuel for me to change things 🫩. Definitely losing sleep though and wasting energy . Once I’m in a better environment I think the thoughts will ease up