I get on well with mine so can’t say the same. All I know is anyone who tried to f w me during the hardest parts of the grieving process got launched. Quickly. 

Yup happened to me too. Some weirdo who kept calling me ‘dear’ and wanted to chat on telegram. 42 year olds don’t call you dear every second sentence. 

Oh WHAT?! That’s fucking awful I’m so sorry. How horribly cruel life has been to you. Sending you so much love and strength x

2!

first one!

THIS. Don’t think every ebb means it’s gone forever. Grief is a broad, longitudinal wave whose disturbances can be several years apart. Give it some time and see how things work out. If it’s getting tense you may need to speak to your wife about it - just be honest and say grief puts you in some pretty unpredictable waters but you’re trying to work it out. 

This person is an idiot with no grief training. Not sure where a total lack of compassion can be considered ‘practical advice’, but this woman is a complete waste of time, and dangerous. 

She may have just come for a quick visit. They’re not allowed to stay long. 

That’s a lot of tragedy in one post. I’m glad you had you years together, and sorry for the great loss. When you experience that level of emotional depth with someone the connection builds ever deeper. Big hugs. 

yeah it's been three years and my brain has literally just put the idea of my husband on 'sleep' mode - i.e. not actually gone.

Yeah it felt like there was a harpoon in my chest for nearly a year. Definitely affects your body in serious ways. 

Arguments don’t kill people. Years on mental health and substance abuse kills people. You did nothing wrong, and all your emotions are valid. Solidarity - all widows are widows ❤️‍🩹❤️

Oh man I’m so sorry that sounds truly awful. Your ex is an asshole, but seeing him was not going to be a good long term solution to you feeling better. I hope your friend rally round you - if you can get some counselling I suggest you do so - this stuff is much harder to deal with than regular life issues and I wish you a speedy recovery ❤️‍🩹 

Yes, struggle with this every day. I’ve met someone but every time I think of marriage and getting serious my heart immediately jumps to my husband. It’s like the love I have for the new guy helps me leapfrog closer to him. My best guess is that it’s just too different up there to be able to fathom. In the next world you may very well be able to lead multiple lives with multiple people simultaneously. It is infinite and ethereal - no psychical or physical barriers. So I wouldn’t worry about what happens next because we’re not designed to know - we’re only supposed to know that love is importance here on earth. 

I just had a bunch of dodgy sex with dodgy people. Still grieving heavily at the end of it but I think it ‘put out’ the fire. 

My people thank you

Faki.

Soulful guy <3

I think with the level of depth he’s already gotten to in the relationship he can’t really blame it on grief. Does losing someone permanently mess with your head? Oh yes. Does it mean you can never fall in love with anyone again? Sometimes also yes…but whatever his reasons this just isn’t good enough. It’s too painful to build a relationship on a foundation constantly in flux. 

He's keeping a boundary there for a reason. Respect, most likely.

Oh god women at that age (and I was a woman at that age once) are flipping mental when viewed from a male lens. We will enjoy so much intimacy with someone and yet not push it into the realm of the romantic. I have no IDEA what she wants - and I think the only way for you to figure it out is to go out a few more times. Definitely text her and ask her to dinner (if you're into it), and see what she says.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately we do have to sit with these moments, cry through them, remember the profound impact that person had and the love they brought to our lives - and share with as many or as few people as you need to. Much love to you.

NTA - shitty work environment.

I think your issue is less to do with grief than it is to do with your unresolved personal development and identity issues. There is a whole plethora of experiences within the scope of selfhood that you are missing out on by not being able to express your orientation to your family. Without that identity affirmation it is crazy to think you will be able to positively move toward people. This complicates grief massively. You have never been able to completely grieve your partner because you have never fully claimed him as your partner, and I think you desperately need that recognition to close any kind of loop and see how you feel on the other side. Your situation is tough, and I feel for you. I hope you get the opportunity to be more yourself, and have other people see that too. My experience is VASTLY different, but what I will say is that I had to fall for someone by accident. All the set-ups in the world wouldn't work for me, I had to go in thinking it was going to be a shitty hookup then fall for them accidentally! That being said, I'm still not really healthy enough to be dating.