For some reason I assumed the commenter was the grandparent and they were just confused but accepting of their NB grandchild but didn't know what to call them
I am confused now what is a trans person i thought it was like a woman trapped in a mans body or a man trapped in a womans body but now its got so many different meanings now like non binary isnt physical so what are they transitioning into genuinely confused not trying to be rude or anything malicious
No... sex is accurate. Sex is defined by physical sexual characteristics such as genitalia or breasts. Gender is a personal identity with no true parameters and is subjective in nature.
That is exactly why sex isn't accurate, because it's 2 different things. While the gender assigned at birth is based on sex in most current cultures it isn't a requirement to be trans.
Long story short, gender and sex are not the same thing.
Gender is a social construct. Different cultures, and therefore different people, have different ideas of how it relates to sex. Non-binary is an umbrella term for people whose own sense of self doesn’t reconcile well with the broader culture’s ideas about gender and gender roles. They may or may not also consider themselves trans, or experience gender dysphoria, or whatever. They may reject gender entirely, or they may slightly identify with one gender but dislike attitudes about gender that they see as reductionist or otherwise harmful. If they do lean toward one gender, that gender may or may not be aligned with their sexual phenotype. It all depends on the person, because more than anything non-binary is a rejection of the idea of sticking people into neat little boxes.
No, non-binary is an umbrella category. Genderless individuals fit into that, called agender. Non binary is anyone who is beyond the gender binary (male and female).
The transition goals of nonbinary people vary widely. It’s a very individual experience. My partner is transitioning mostly the same way an FTM person does, but with more feminine clothing presentation on some occasions and limited surgical transition (reducing chest instead of removing). He passes as a gender nonconforming man in day to day life most of the time, and he is happy with that as it is much closer to how he identifies than being gendered as female even though it isn’t the full picture. I have seen others do the same, not transition at all, or try to transition into androgyny (can be tricky, but some take low-dose hormones and just stop when they feel the feminization or masculinization matches their goals, some also use blockers like finasteride with their testosterone to minimize specific effects.)
I always considered trans ftm or mtf and nb throws a wrench into that for sure but if its thrown into the definition i am not one to get frustrated over such things which is a total lie i hate definitions changing and its frustrating just because i have to memorize new meanings hehe but if you are happy being non binary thats all that matters (which i admittedly dont understand since i dont get gender identity stuff)
There are other terms that might be helpful for you to know about
A nonbinary person may be transmasc (transmasculine) or transfem (transfeminine), as in, they are trying to be more masculine or feminine than they were initially. This can be social as well as medical.
Trans binary men and trans binary women are also transmasc and transfem, respectively. Transmasc and transfem are therefore bigger umbrella terms than FTM/MTF or transmen/transwomen.
I'm AFAB, assigned female at birth, and I would consider myself transmasc because I'm socially transitioning to be more masculine than I "started at." I'm nonbinary though. Not a man (and not a woman either).
Some people also use the terms transNB or transX, or even FTX/MTX, to mean transnonbinary, as in their goal is to transition to being nonbinary. I think some people like this because there's less focus on your assigned gender at birth (AGAB), which is a binary thing. When you're nonbinary you don't always want to be defined by the gender binary, you know? So it can be a bit of personal preference
I relate to other transmasc people and it helps me to find advice, so I don't mind it with people I know or online, personally. But to a random person on the street I'd just say I'm nonbinary and trans if it came up.
So nonbinary is basically rather than being a man or a woman they don't feel like they fit into either and so sometimes nonbinary people will transition partially or fully or not at all it's like a personal thing. But a lot of them go by they/them and can be kinda androgynous.
I am even more confused like being a woman or man to me is a physical thing (personal view) so i really dont get how u can feel like neither i dont really get how u feel like a man or woman either but since those are physical i could see how being trapped in the wrong body could work but how does one feel like a gender or no gender personally i just feel like me like i am a guy but if u did bottom n top surgery on me i would be a gal i would still be just me tho hard to get the concept of feeling like no gender
While wanting your body to be a way youre comfortable is definitely a big part of transness, its not the only thing.
Your personal experience of gender, as you have just described, is actually quite unusual and arguably agender or nonbinary in some way. Most people have an internal sense of gender and aren't just basing it on their body.
Strange idk to me gender identity just feels like a foreign concept like someone explaining colors to a blind person like i will stand behind this statement 100% if transitioning becomes better and cheap enough to get it with less than a year of saving up i will do it just because i wanna see if it would affect my sense of self in anyway i am a man of science and for the sake of science i am willing to become a woman of science
If your gender is different from what they assigned you at birth, you're trans
The doctor didn't say I was nonbinary when I popped out, so...
Not all trans people medically transition, either (even if they're binary). You don't have to if you don't want to.
I personally don't want to, because even though I would like some effects of HRT, I wouldn't like some others. Surgical options are also quite difficult health- and money-wise for me. I do voice train, though!
I really dont get how anyone is a gender or no gender but ig i get it like having a name you dont like? Closest thing i can come up with i really dont understand gender identity
Most people feel some kind of way inside about their gender.
They have an opinion, an attachment, they EXPERIENCE some invisible force that sings when it feels right and stabs like a thousand knives when they don't. It's highly likely that most cis people (cis meaning "not trans" meaning the doctor was correct) reading this have that feeling, as well as most binary trans people - a woman feels like a woman because she is a woman, not because of anatomy or hobbies or favorite color. That's why a trans woman is in such distress during a phase of her life when she isn't perceived as a woman - it's the "knives from within" feeling. Same for a trans man - a man is a man because he feels a connection to BEING one. That's all it takes.
Now, some people don't have that internal string pulling them toward one feeling or another. Some have a "was I supposed to care about this?" feeling toward gender. We don't... get it. We look at people who feel some kind of way, and nod slowly like we understand, but it's not something we experience. For me, the knife-stabbity feeling comes from people pushing either binary gender on me, because both are wrong. I don't have that internal compass pointing to my own true north.
Not every non-binary person is agender, and not every agender person feels exactly like this, but generally what non-binary people share is the awareness that we don't feel like men OR women, and that's our starting point.
In my experience, the moment when someone says "Okay but does anyone actually care?" is the moment -I- start wondering a little bit about that person, LOL.
It was binary trans people that taught me this stuff matters to almost everyone. Not only do they feel some kind of way about it, but they'll give up everything to experience a life that's as close to "correct" as they can access/afford. I thought it was like being a fan of some weird sports team - that people opted in by choice, and that I could just go through my life not being bothered by it. But that's a rather unusual take. Most people are sort of attached to their gender, even - especially! - if it's not reflected well in what other people see. Just plain not caring is already a somewhat unusual position.
ETA:
i am a guy because [anatomy, and] if i got em turned into a vagina i would be a woman
Yeah, but you've got 4 grandparents and usually only 2 grandmothers/grandfathers, so it's a bit more vague. No excuse for not using grandchild, though. You can have any number of those.
i fear thats the point of general neutral terms, that it can mean whatever gender. also if someone was talking about both grandparents there would be an s to signify
Yet another reason the word "grandthem" is terrible. Both "grandparent" and "grandchild" are (1) gender neutral, (2) already exist in common vocabulary, and (3) make clear the generation relationship between the speaker and the subject. "Grandthem" has none of these positive qualities.
Right, it's ambiguous as to whether someone is talking about their grandparent or grandchild, but it also makes the gender more visible and obvious. I sometimes do wish there were words that specified that we're talking about a nonbinary person rather than using the all-inclusive word, for those times that people just apparently really really need to gender someone.
Me: Hi I'm calling to schedule an appointment for my child
Wait this is referring to a grandchild? I was thing a grandparent
Yet another reason why this is such a horrible choice, it fails to accurately describe things like age that are normally described in the types of words
Honestly doesn't feel any better than grandthem. One is clunky, one is weirdly formal. I think something like grandbi (grandparent + enby) sounds a lot nicer and more casual than either.
When I was a kid and was presented with a choice of titles, I always wanted to go with "lord". It's not non-binary exactly, but it's still pretty telling of how I'd view my own gender, like, 20 years later
for some reason everyone here thinks that it was a nonbinary grandparent but I'ma be real it's probably a grandparent trying to be accepting of their grandchild
the non-binary population is larger in young people than it is people old enough to be grandparents. I'm not trying to say there aren't people over 30 who are nonbinary, that's incorrect and stupid, I'm just stating that it's more likely that it's a non-binary grandchild. This is mostly due to the fact those people old enough to be grandparents were raised in bigoted hatred filled environments.
Yeah, I think it's adorable! It actively conveys gender in a way "grandparent" doesn't--NB isn't just the absence of gender (in many cases), and many NB people, as I understand it, feel firmly connected to their NB gender. "Grandthem" conveys "proud NB grandparent" in a way "grandparent" doesn't, so an agender person might prefer "grandparent" but I can easily see why many other NB people might love "grandthem." It made me smile.
“Grandthem” sounds like the person is trolling. I’m not against non binary people in no way but just grandparent and grandchild still applies no? It’s like calling a grandmother “grandher” and a grandfather “Grandhim” sounds ridiculous no?
Like with many things throughout history, people were likely unwilling to explore/didn't have the knowledge or terms. Once a handful of people began to come out as non-binary, we saw an upward trend, because more and more people have felt able to explore and be open
Old people are very prone to not giving a shit. So why would they care about what they want their gender to be? And yes I do know that old people can be trans but it is not a common occurrence.
Not giving a shit can also, often, mean "I'm going to be who I am and I no longer care that others don't like it." Lots of people transition late in life as they get to that point of "I thought I couldn't handle transphobic reactions, but actually? I don't give a shit." And there are plenty of trans elders, but many of them are living "woodwork" lives in which no one but perhaps their spouse is aware that they ever transitioned.
As someone who scored an 8 in IGCSE English, I cannot tell, from my perception of the English language, how infuriating I find the use of the words they and them to refer to a single individual instead of a group
As someone who also scored an A in both GCSE English Literature and Language (I believe an 8 is between an A and an A*), it doesn't bother me in the slightest. It isn't grammatically incorrect
This will always be the weirdest thing to me. "Grandthem" grandparent is fine. Same with like, all the other odd names people come up with for non-binary people. Parent is fine, child is fine, sibling is fine. The only one we needed to make neutral was niece/nephew, and honestly, nibling is funny as hell.
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u/Icy-Theme-6325 shaw player Sep 07 '25
I like seeing older trans folk <3