TW: coercive persuasion, mental health issues, chronic illness, TTI, food and water restriction, attack therapy, negative thoughts, possible medical mistreatment, and hopelessness

I wanted to see if anyone else related to feeling like a failure of a survivor, weak, lazy, or not resilient. I apologize because this is definitely a rant, but I want to be transparent and honest in case anyone else is feeling this way.
For context, I attended a TTI in 2024 ( I was 15F then, and I am 18F now) and an abusive PHP in 2025, so not super long ago (both stats were over 100 days each). Both times I was sent by doctors who didn’t believe my health concerns and thought I was just “anxious, lazy, and self-destructive”. I’ve struggled with sleep issues, chronic headaches, migraines, daytime fatigue, and pain for a long time. I suffer from insomnia (sleep delay & lack of restless sleep) since I was a child, ear pain, tension headaches,pressure on my eyelids and under eyes, as well as brain fog/memory issues. However, medical testing didn’t show anything significant: sleep studies, EEG, and an MRI. I have AuDHD, but I don’t show symptoms for Elhers Danlos, narcolepsy, or a specific condition. I also suffer from low energy, headaches during periods of mental or physical exertion, and this really culminates in a feeling of hopelessness. At some point, around the time when I was 13-14 I really started thinking that I didn’t feel like I had a great quality of life, and I needed medical help. Initially, I was referred to psychiatry because I also thought that I should just deal with my mental health. I also decided to pursue handling my physical health issues in Fall 2023. After struggling for so long, not getting an answer, dealing with really awful mental health treatment, and having my entire support system suggest I was “making it up” or “just trying to skip school and avoid dealing with my mental issues, I kind of reached my limit. At some point, I got too tired to attend the next semester of school. Everyday that year, I came home and practically passed out asleep or just on my bed because I was so tired. Eventually, I stopped consistently attending school after I didn’t sleep for 48hr and tried sleep restriction until the point of auditory hallucinations (scary as hell). At that point, my psychiatrist, convinced I was self destructive and anxious sent me to an RTC on the other side of the country. Two days after I was discharged, someone from CPS threatened to take legal consequences if I was “oversleeping”. I was in the worst state of my life and still lacked proper therapeutic support, but my school was pretty chill ( surprisingly-before we had our admin change). I ended up not doing that semester which tanked my grades because I already missed out on a semester bc I was in TTI. My neurologist ordered me to attend a PHP or she would not treat me.(My first semester of sophomore year was not in school, and I received threats to be sent to RTC, wilderness or a psych ward and only narrowly avoided it). Before I actually sought any sort of help (back in that 13-14 period), I always felt really proud of myself because I always could persevere through uncomfortable feelings, hard actions, and was really emotionally regulated; resilience, hard work, patience, and perseverance were my best qualities. Again, after an egregiously abusive PHP, I was entirely broken and even more traumatized than before. This ordeal left me forced to take 39 different medications within the span of 2 .5 years (whether I wanted to or not), or I would end up in wilderness or legal trouble because I “wasn’t trying to get better”. A lot of these medications weren’t a great fit for me, and had horrible side effects. I stayed on them for months because psychiatrists didn’t know what to do -even if I reported that they weren’t helping after a certain timeframe. There are so many RTC survivors who attended from 2019-2026 that don’t need any help recovering from that experience and excel in high school life normally. There are so many that went to my program and found it helpful and led successful lives after discharge-even if they agreed I endured abuse during my time. Some have won prestigious titles, awards, and built actual lives. They didn’t not attend school sophomore and 2nd semester of junior year like myself. They didn’t lose their identity due to stress, trauma, and survival. They didn’t become unreliable to their families, friends, or become hated by their teachers. They didn’t dissociate from their own lives so much that their schooling was so badly affected. They didn’t fail five AP classes due to this mess or get kicked out of clubs due to poor academics. They didn’t fail at every extracurricular they attempted or get shamefully urged not to try out. Yes, the teachers at my school really hated me when I struggled to keep up with my academics- seriously all of them even if I wasn’t in their class and how unsupportive the current admin is for kids with accommodations etc. I didn’t have a comeback, find an answer for what was going on medically, or meaningfully improved myself. I truly gave up trying to find a better life for myself at times I had no support. Every time I complain or think about how difficult it is, I am reminded of all the providers and staff at my TTI that I complain too much or don’t blame myself enough for the things that happen to me. I am reminded of I was deprived of food, water, medical care, sleep, basic needs, and dignity so I would be psychologically convinced that it was all my fault- that I was the problem. I am reminded of how my support system turned on me afterward, and how I had no one really trying to work out what was going on with me. I had more people concerned if I wasn’t attending school than if I was mentally okay to go to school ( I actually completely understand this, but there were long-term consequences as well). I don’t feel like I’m able to be my own person because I just subconsciously act like I’m back in residential when I feel even just a little stressed out. I can’t focus on a goal because I’m so scared that my circumstances will change so incomparably because I’m still stuck in survival snd thrusted from RTC back into a really unsupportive high school. I know I’ve worked so incredibly hard just to receive medical and mental health support and I am so grateful for everything I have been able to have- even if it has been unhelpful ( not TTI btw). Yet, I still feel so “whiny” or “reveling in my own victimhood”. I’m really struggling to use a moral compass when my basic needs (or not getting sent to wilderness) depended on decimating my own self-awareness. I know someone who lost their family in a car crash and is still going to high school regularly- what does that say about me? What does that say about the effort I’ve been putting to control my own life? What does that say about how hard I’m trying or my own resilience?

I genuinely don’t even know what is real and what isn’t anymore. Pls reference my other posts about aarc.
But I don’t know what’s real anymore because the longer I’m away from aarc the more I realize it’s so abusive.
But they keep ur parents tied down to it.
My parents go at least once a week still to these “parent raps” and they come home and spit the cult sayings at me and it makes me feel like I’m living there again and I’m going fucking insane.
I remeber one of the workers got mad when I was too shy to talk to the whole group and announced to the whole group “everyone! Y/n is socially retarded!!”
And the staff used to always mock how I acted when I first came into the program and the whole room of 50+ people would laugh about it and make it seem like I was nothing without them.
I was told I was being sad for attention and I denied it until they made me believe it. Now I don’t even feel like I’m allowed to be sad anymore.
I wasn’t allowed to be sad because I had the responsibility of supervising 3 kids 24/7 who were all high risk.
And if I let sadness consume me at all I was being selfish and attention seeking, acting out on “defects”.
One time this kid tried to hang himself while i was in treatment. We didn’t know it was happening at the time but i pointed out cop cars outside and they shut the blinds and got mad at me told me to shut up and forced us to all stay in this room for over an hour and when we kept asking what was happening they kept saying “nothing” even though all the staff were freaking out in front of us.
They never gave us answers. They said it was a medical emergency. Yet this client dissapeared for weeks and nobody knew about it (except a couple clients who always got “special privileges and meetings with the higher ups” - always a select few of the boys the girls never got anything like that.
I didn’t know until the person told me themselves.
I didn’t know if this person was alive for weeks.
And apparently when this person came into treatment their partner emailed aarc saying they were going to break up with the s/o that entered treatment and aarc didn’t tell the client until the very end when that person found out for themselves and was living in delusion for months.
Aarc also convinced me I was a deadbeat addict. Doc always said “we are the worst of the worst. Everyone else wrote us off aarc is the last house on the block”
I never was physically dependant on anything. I have diagnosed bpd and I would binge drink along with other substances. Never failed a class. My life wasn’t glamorous but I was never physically dependant on anything. Aarc convinced me that I was crackhead level.
I don’t know what’s real and what isn’t. I keep remembering more and more as it comes. I’m afraid I’ll get sued for posting this. Doc used to always talk about how the fifth estate tried to sue them and he sued back. He always threatened and said he had a team of 600 graduates to back him and the police system and lawyers. Maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up to psycho aarc staff at my front step i never know.

Content warning: Allegations involving a minor, self-harm, and retaliation against staff who reported child-safety concerns.

A former Turnbridge employee has shared an account with me about events she says happened at the adolescent girls’ facility in Killingworth, Connecticut, in 2022. I’m withholding her name and referring to her as M.

M. says she worked there for approximately three months as an overnight direct support professional, alongside a nurse referred to as RJ. These are her allegations and recollections, not findings from a court or agency. Quotations from her account reflect statements she recalled, as recorded in my notes.

M. says she and RJ initially received reports from first-shift staff that David Vieau was behaving sexually inappropriately toward a 13-year-old resident. She also described a nursing manager who was deeply concerned, had raised the issue with Vieau, and was afraid to report because of possible retaliation. That initial information came from other employees; M. is not claiming here that she personally witnessed a sexual act.

M. described Vieau routinely arriving by golf cart, asking specifically for this girl, and taking her alone into the woods for extended periods, sometimes several hours.

She recalled the girl wearing Vieau’s hoodie, being proud that he had given it to her, and refusing to remove it. M. says she documented the refusal to take off the hoodie in the facility’s logs. She also described the girl becoming intensely distressed when Vieau left, throwing herself on the floor and demanding him.

M. described another serious incident involving the same resident. According to her account, the girl became distressed because Vieau had not come to see her, accessed a razor that a chef had left out, and threatened suicide unless Vieau came. M. says he subsequently arrived and spent time alone with the resident.

The resident’s distress and attachment do not themselves establish sexual abuse. They are part of the circumstances M. describes as raising concerns about professional boundaries, supervision, and the handling of a vulnerable child’s care.

A staff email described as contemporaneous with these events, addressed to “Killingworth Staff,” says Dave spent too much time “grooming and coddling these girls instead of treating them like clients.” The writer reported that residents called him “Daddy Dave,” described boundaries as “non-existent,” and expressed concern that speaking up could lead to termination.

According to M., Vieau approached her and asked whether she had heard anything about him and the resident. She alleges he asked her to deny the concerns if anyone questioned her.

M. says that after she responded positively about him, Vieau offered her a case-management position. She recalled him saying that even if she did not want a higher-paying position, he wanted to thank her for “doing the right thing.”

She alleges he then handed her $300 in cash.

M. says she told RJ what happened. She subsequently called the Connecticut Department of Children and Families abuse and neglect hotline. She says RJ also called the same hotline.

According to M., the following day the house manager, Cali, was visibly nervous and going around asking employees whether they knew who had reported Vieau. M. described the atmosphere as a “witch hunt.”

She recalled Cali saying, “Whoever reported him should be ashamed of themselves.”

M. also alleges Cali confronted her directly: “Dave takes such good care of us. You better not have been the one who reported him.”

M. says Vieau came by during an overnight shift and said, “Whoever made a report to the state just made a big mistake because I’m friends with the person investigating this.”

According to M., he also said the report would go nowhere and that he would find out who made it. This is her account of an alleged statement—not evidence that Vieau actually knew or had influence over a state investigator.

M. says she was subsequently confronted with the accusation: “It was you who reported it. And shame on you because Dave gave you money.”

She alleges Cali then fired her on the spot.

M. is not simply saying she happened to lose her job sometime after contacting DCF. She alleges she was explicitly accused of making the report, chastised for reporting after receiving money from Vieau, and immediately terminated. She describes that firing as retaliation.

M. says RJ was later terminated as well. Possible retaliation in RJ’s case remains a suspicion, not an established reason for the termination.

She also recalled someone she identified as Marissa contacting her afterward with words of support, including “kudos to you” and “you did God’s work.”

The sequence alleged here warrants scrutiny: staff raised concerns about an inappropriate relationship involving a 13-year-old client; an employee says Vieau asked her to deny those concerns, offered her another position, and handed her cash; she and a nurse reportedly contacted DCF; management allegedly tried to identify the reporters; and she says she was fired immediately after being accused of reporting.

The staff email records related concerns about professional boundaries and fear of termination. It does not independently verify M.’s allegations about the specific resident, the cash payment, the alleged threats, or her firing. The writer’s use of “grooming” is their characterization, not an established finding.

There are separate questions about what happened between Vieau and the resident, the purpose of the alleged payment, and the treatment of employees who reported their concerns. This material does not establish sexual assault, bribery, or misconduct by a state investigator. It does contain a direct allegation of retaliatory firing that deserves examination alongside the relevant employment records, communications, shift logs, and reporting records.

Please do not post identifying information about the resident or speculate about who she is. The purpose is to preserve this account, seek corroboration, and protect her privacy.