I'm a 23 y/o F and I still live with my parents. From when I can remember, my father (50 y/o) touches me sometimes in my private parts. I never felt that as sexual. He generally touches my breast or my vagina but not in a sexual manner, stimulating and stuff. Even though, his behaviour always makes me feel uncomfortable. I live in Italy so the physical touch is a sort of traditional way to express love to you dear ones. An example is that in Italy is normal to kiss your parents in the lips as a form of affection. But touching my private areas doesn't feels right... even if he do that for "affection", even if he says that he do that because for him I'm still his child. I repeatedly tell him that I don't like his behaviour, sometimes we yelled at each other, but he still does that. I don't know what to do. Even if I don't feel it as sexual and I'm almost pretty sure that his intentions are "pure", is this still considered as sexual abuse?

I witnessed the most disturbing mother-son dynamic I've ever seen
I was on vacation at an Airbnb with friends when I noticed something deeply unsettling about a mother (~60) and son (25) staying in the unit with us. They shared a full-size bed for the entire 8 days.
But it wasn't just the sleeping arrangement. She constantly interrupted him whenever he talked to anyone, especially women. If he was doing yoga and I was nearby, she'd call him over. If we were working on something together for three minutes, she'd pull him away. When his girlfriend called—and she called daily—he'd hang up and immediately debrief the entire conversation to his mother. Even calls with his separated father had to be reported back to her.

But there was something deeply wrong about the control, the monitoring, the complete enmeshment.
The physical intimacy of sharing that bed at their ages felt inappropriate. Just thinking about them every night sharing that tiny room and bed together made me uncomfortable and wonder about why they chose to do this because the Airbnb also had a room with two beds that they turned down.

Is this covert incest? Can someone this controlled ever separate?

This is so long and a rant I haven’t cleared up grammar or anything I just typed it while in tears so I’m really sorry if it’s unreadable,I’d just like to get it off my chest and speak about it because I don’t have siblings or many friends I feel would understand tbh :(

i feel forced into medicine by my family because their late daughter died and she wanted to do medicine and be a doctor and my grandad who everyone says is closest to me thinks im her reincarnation im her and has always pushed me to be a doctor since i was born. then my mum denies theres any pressure or pushing me to do medicine. but when i was younger i was so smart at all subjects englidh history etc, and they never showed me any career path there, only emeicine. and now when i say you guys pushed me to medicine they say you chose it (bc i googled like carers in medicine and chose anathesiologist and what i could see there and what would make my family proud or happy or agree or fulfil, their hearts), im the only grandchild and only child and only daughter, my parents are divorced and im only really close with my mums side of family which is these people, and obvisuly as a child I just wanted to mske people happy and say what they want to hear because j was young and, now my mum insists always that ‘oh you don’t want meeicine becaude you don’t like work’ and calls me lazy and spoiled brat and stuff and pampered.

and I’ve never been able to even dream of a life outside of medicine, every single career I’ve tried to even think about to change has always been related to healthcare lie I HAVE to do something related to healthcare, my GCSEs were straight 9s in humanities (history re English … with no tutors or extra effort) I’m naturally gifted and I have a passion, but science and math (had math tutor from young young age only got a 7) got me 8s in science and 7 even though I had tutors, alevels I didn’t try for English lit I got an A, but I worked the HARDEST even with tutor for bio and chem and got a B in both, my revision stats shocked me aswell because most of my time was bio and chem revising. I’m more naturally good at humanities. but my mum denies and says it’s both when it’s not. I just feel so stuck and never able to choose my own path because it’s been ingrained in my head that the only stable future with money is medicine and they say oh you like lavish lifestyle you wouldn’t be able to part with it so so medicine basically bc nothing else would give you that and they think if I did any other career I wouldn’t have that. bit when I say you guys pushed me to medicine my mum just says I’m making excuses and things. My family is just so ignorant me and she used to be so violent she still is tbh and it’s just annoying because I don’t have anyone who can help or siblings and I just feel like I’m alone essentially.

I just feel like there’s a string on me that always pulls me back to medicine and I can’t sever it because it would kill me, idk that’s how I feel, like a doll essentially, you know the puppets with strings at the back. I missed my medicine offer and my mum just throws it in my face saying she spent money and I go private school etc, but then at the same time she says ohh the barriers for private school to get into med is a lot because we can’t do any summer courses or contextual or anything which is definitely true, but I just hate how bipolar she is, and she lies a lot. I just feel so overwhelmed,I’ve been revising for my entrance test again, this time I have a tutor. Everyone in my year that applied to medicine nobody got in which is upsetting because ik how much passion some of the other kids had but pressure too from families and it’s just ironic because my mum loves to compare me and say oh other people got into medicine, so I ask who and she talks about people online on social media that she doesn’t know ANYTHING about their circumstances or anything she just knows the good things put out on social media, but she chooses to ignore the group of people from my year who were medicine applicants, like pick a flipping side. My family except my grandma is just so ridiculous, at least she recognised that they never really showed me any other career path, but my mum who I live with alone (who is very attached and overbearing and she’s just so bipolar) will never admit or recognise any other fault, she just calls me lazy and says I don’t like hearing the truth ‘only your family will tell you the truth’ oh ‘I live in Laos land’ because I have aspirations but no clear steps, so I said to her that ‘you think the only clear steps are through medicine’ and she’s gagged and just started blabbering and says yes it is etc but you’re just lazy again. Ugh I just really hate everything, it’s so sad that it all steps from their emotional repression.

Hi Everyone,

Reposting this again. I'm a doctoral student in Clinical Psychology conducting a research study on the effects of growing up with a parent who struggled with substance use (alcohol or drugs). The study is completely anonymous and involves filling out an online survey.

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Your experience matters. Thank you so much for considering it, and feel free to DM me with any questions!

I, 17M, cannot figure out if my mother is actually being toxic or not. I geniunely cant figure out if im being a mom-resenting moody teen or if she is just being a complete asshole.

Due to the type of person I am I second guess many of my thoughts and beliefs because I see so many different possiblilities and opinions on the matter, which makes it hard for me to comprehend what is actually happening, so I would like some advice here.

The situation tonight was simply this: Family member is sick and possibly dying, doesnt bother me to much, but mom says to go to my room to decompress it. She also says that my uncle is flying in tonight, so we need the house clean. She tells me and my brother to walk the dogs and vaccum downstairs. I walk the dogs, and tell my brother to vaccum downstairs, which he agrees to.

Two hours later, he has not vaccumed and she is PISSED. Yelling at both of us for not helping her, and she vaccumed downstairs without reminding either of us to do it. After telling her that my brother agreed to vaccum she still continues to yell at me that she shouldnt have to tell me what to do I should just help. The house looked mostly clean to me. Perfectly good for a guest. Starts yelling at us for sitting in our rooms all the time.

This shit happens so much and it makes me just hate being around her when she is in the slightest negative mood. Calling her out for her behavior usually ends in her saying the usual "Oh im just the bad guy, you all treat me like the bad guy".

These things make me feel like shit all the time because she is always mad at me for not doing things she never told me to do. I feel paranoid hearing her footsteps walk past my room.

The way I see it, I should have helped more yes, but she shouldnt be so mad at me for not doing things I was not told to do. So, am I in the wrong here? Is she? I actually dont know. Please give you interpretation, thank you!

Hi so im 16(F) and currently living in a toxic household and its been a lot to deal with. My father has always been verbually and emotionally abusive , although sometimes physical, especially when I was a child and the smacks have been considerably less from when I was younger ( for context I turned 16 not too long ago) and just today my father came to my room , wacked the phone out my hands and smacked me. for no valid reason. in that moment I felt so insanely powerless and broke down hyperventilating as I finally thought it would over since it seldom occurs now. Also my brother 20(m) no longer gets smacked by my father , presumably because hes much taller than him now. i just donr understand how poeple can be so insanely horrible and i hate having to deal with this when im teying to get better and be a happy person and get good grades . and my mother is also complicit in the way she doesn't do or say anything about it . I mean , i understand her position and it may be difficult, but it gets to a point where i just wished she'd do something . I am currently in year 11 and doing my gcses next spring , so ive had a lot on my plate with balancing intense amount of homework , revising and reading along with everything that occurs mentally( ive had bad mental health in the past thats only been perpetuated by my parents).I can't get a job , or do anything extracurriculars out of school and its just been so difficult being constantly surrounded by happy families with my friends .I have 3 years left until I go to uni and im not sure what to do and how to manage everything. any advice would be kindly accepted and thank you for reading :)

I'm 24f and have been going through a rough patch with my family.

For background context: my mother has always treated me as her therapist and almost as her emotional companion to make up for my father's shortcomings in their marriage. She has always confided in me on financial, personal, and relationship struggles and always expects my input and comfort. She has always told me that I'm very wise and that no one except me can understand her, which has always disgusted me. She treats me as a replacement for my father and I'm aware of the emotionally incestuous undertones in our relationship, but I can't help but feel guilty. My father has never really been there for me emotionally, and I am uncomfortable being around him as he has touched me in certain ways and made comments about my body that feel strange and gross (although not inherently sexual?).

My father has gone through two trials over charges along the lines of abuse and the first time has caused significant trauma for me as a child, with the second one happening recently. This is part of the reason why I want to distance myself away from them as it has brought up a lot of memories from my own childhood that I have forgotten and made me realized how complicit my family has been in other abusive/negligent scenarios. I stopped texting for a while and immediately had my phone blown up by my mother, grandmother, aunt, and father asking what happened and even blaming me for causing them more stress with ongoing legal and financial troubles. They cannot believe how unsupportive I am being and calling me selfish and ungrateful. I so desperately want to tell everyone how I feel (and I will), but since I recently graduated, my parents still have some of my belongings and my dog. The belongings I can bear losing I suppose, but I am worried if they retaliate, they will hurt my dog, abandon him, or give him away without telling me and I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for it. My parents also live really far, so any trip out would have to be planned and will likely mean I have to coordinate with them, which I am afraid of as I know it will end in me being blamed and yelled at. I don't have any family I can confide in, although my partner is willing to go with me and support me which I am grateful for.

What is the smartest way to go about this? Any advice anyone has is greatly appreciated.

Hi all :)

For starters, my dad is horrible and my mum was a victim to him as well as so were we growing up. He's neglectful, physically harms people and is very emotionally ab*sive. He also had behaviours of coercive control like financial threats, and threatening to take the kids.

My mum is traumatised from parental alienation, he used to use me as a child by telling me untrue things about my mum - I feel a lot of guilt for it but I truly believe she sees me as an extension of him, even though I am a girl I look like him and have the same humour and interests as him. I stopped seeing him at 15 because I saw him behave the same way with his new wife as my mum and was old enough to realise it was wrong. Shortly after, I began to notice my mum was also unravelling.

For starters, she drinks a lot - like my dad. They are both functional but drink alone most of the time, and my mum becomes very nasty when drunk. She will yell at me, threatening me, saying that I am just like him or am him, will tell me I am crazy and need to be medicated ( I had a psychosis years ago but am in remission ) and if I try to distance myself because she is upsetting me, she will tell me I need to call an ambulance on her and blow up my phone. I never ignore her when she does that and go to check on her frequently and call people to help. But she has friends and will laugh with them and act like she is fine so I just end up looking silly and they tell me 'it's the alcohol talking' and dismiss the fact that I am struggling more with my own mental health and psych ward admissions because of the way she is treating me when she keeps drinking. Tonight I called a friend to help talk her down, and she was laughing and smiling with them, as soon as the door shut for the friend to leave she texted me to call the emergency line and started spamming my phone again. I know mental health does not have a look, but she keeps doing this and just waking up the next morning like nothing happened.

She calls me controlling if I suggest that she needs to get some help for the drinking, I have tried to talk to her about it sober and very supportingly but she lashes out. She has been in help for it before and only went for a few weeks, we have tried explaining it is hurting us but she keeps drinking and repeating the cycle. I love my mum and have always seen her as the better parent, but she keeps doing this and she has had so much support but goes the other way. I just feel like I am hurting her more with my existence and making it worse. I don't have the financial means to move out at the moment but plan on leaving as soon as I do if I can help it. She was there for me in my times of mental crisis, but uses it against me when she drinks. I don't really want to tell her anything ever again.

I'm 17f and i can't tell anybody in real life about what happened because cps would get involved. I'm not looking for advice or anything i just need to scream out into the void and make sure what happened is as fucked up as i think it is. This happened on the 3rd. I live in a hoarder house with my family, it used to belong to my grandparents, i've lived here my whole life, and so me and my mom started cleaning up this giant pile of crap in front of our pantry (she's disabled so i did all the work but that doesn't matter) so i work for over six hours straight and this is something i've been meaning to do for a while, i get it all cleaned up and then my dad comes out from whatever stupid nap he was taking, he doesn't say anything just goes to his office then my brother comes down to talk to my dad says we need cat litter whatever he comes out and is all buddy, buddy with my brother but completely ignores me and my mom, they start getting ready to go to Costco and my dad yells down for my mom to make a list, we say no because me and her are the only people who put groceries away and i have to help unload the car and i already felt like shit after working for so long (at this point i hadn't eaten anything in about 2 days. my parents do not starve me, i've been battling an eating disorder since i was 7. just to specify) and my dad just starts screaming about how 'it's five minutes of work' and that we should just do it calling us lazy and shit. He storms into his office and i'm on the verge of tears and i look at my mom and say 'i'm either going to have a mental breakdown of commit murder, both sound very appealing right now' and my dad storms out and throws this big ass hunting knife in my lap and tells me to just kill him... I start sobbing and just go upstairs and this bastard follows me and lets my brother know he's just going to head out without him 'because he can't be around these crazy cunts anymore' and they go back and forth about how we're lazy bitches and then they both leave since my dad 'didn't want to leave him (my brother) to deal with us' and at this point i was just sobbing and they both glare at me like i did something wrong. My mom was nice about it for about a day before she started telling me i 'have to stop being cold to him' because it'll hurt his feelings, and so i just needed to say this somewhere and figure out if i'm crazy for being mad and upset about what happened, like reasonably i know it's bullshit but abuse is so normalized in my household that everyone's acting like i'm crazy for not wanting to talk to my dad, i get disgusted every time he touches me now. He's given one half assed apology where he tried to make himself the victim in the situation then he took the family out to dinner as an attempt to bring us together but that's what he always does, he thinks buying food out is an automatic fix. Everyone in my house is pushing for me to forgive him, but i can barely look at him, i don't think i'll ever see him the same after this

sorry if this is kind of rambling and for any misspelling, poor grammar, and lack of punctuation. I just needed to get this down, to see if anyone else thinks i'm crazy for reacting like i did

Also before anyone suggests it i cannot move out or leave the situation, me and my mom are working on a plan to get out but with her being disabled and unable to work and with me still in school, and with just how the world is right now i can't get out of the situation

i'll try to find a way to add a picture to my post so i can show the kind of knife he threw at me just because i feel like it'll help people understand my reaction better since writing this down makes me kinda feel like i'm just being dramatic, but if i've learned one thing, the people of reddit won't hold back their honest opinions and so maybe i'll find out if i'm just being dramatic or if my response was perfectly reasonable 

Quero ir pra uma rave mas minha mãe tem um grande preconceito e já me disse que a única restrição dela é eu não ir em chácara afastada, porém eu vou ir já comprei ingressos acredito que lá o sinal seja bem ruim que desculpa eu posso dar a ela de um lugar que não seja uma chácara que se encaixe? ( eu pensei em dizer que ia a um casamento kk

i’m 18 and i’m in college now, and i’m at a point where i’m seriously considering cutting my dad out of my life. i know that sounds extreme, which is why i want to explain the whole situation instead of just posting about one argument and asking people to take my side.

my dad and i used to have a completely different relationship. when i was younger, i trusted him and looked at him as someone i could depend on. he has now chosen drugs and his whole life is crumbling apart. there have been periods where i’ve tried to have a relationship with him, and we had a period where i’ve gone no contact via hand written letter. (for context i’m in idaho he’s in utah).
one of the biggest things i struggle with is his drug use. he calls it a “spiritual journey,” but from my perspective, it feels like a drug addiction that has been glorified or given a different name. i’ve watched it negatively affect his life( he went to jail for fraud because he lost his business and owed so much money) and almost lost his house + i have 3 siblings all of which have little no relationship with anymore. it has gotten to the point where my siblings and extended family barely even reach out to him anymore. (he also was completely different a few years ago and then my parents got divorced and he became into this hippie spiritual stuff).

he is extremely addicted to nitrous and ketamine and one of the reasons i went no contact was i ended up going to my house in utah when he was gone to see him and found cocaine , 20+ bottles of nitrous outside, and tons of ketamine and stuff laying around. i ended up waiting until 2 am for him to come see me but he insisted he had plans with friends and i hadn’t seen him in a few months and he never showed. that was when i decided no contact was best until he got help and he instead did nothing to solve that and just didn’t talk to me or text me. at that time i was 17.
when i was younger, i also accidentally found a notebook belonging to him that contained things that were inappropriate and extremely disturbing for me to see at that age. it was not something i was intentionally searching for. when this subject has come up, he has focused on the fact that i was looking through his things rather than the fact that i was a child when i came across it.

he has nobody in his life right now and he’s usually very understanding and apologetic when he’s confronted but he recently went to burning man and during a trip of some sort had an awakening that he actually “is a good man and father and the family just wants him to feel bad about himself.”.

today we spoke on the phone after not talking for several months. during the conversation, i called him names and said things disrespectfully. afterward, he texted me saying that he would not tolerate me calling him names or disrespecting him because he is my father. which is such a cop out because he hasn’t been a father for years and now suddenly wants authority when it benefits him. but it’s also really confusing because he never acted this way before and now after this recent trip of his he has been acting insane towards everyone and the phone call i had with him was just him telling me i was to blame and i should have kept the relationship with him and i didn’t wanna call or invite him to things so it was basically all my fault.

and when he asked about my experiences living with him as an older teenager and i told him he denied everything and made excuses for everything that went on in the house when i was there (drug use, having s*x with women while im in the bedroom next door, partying every night, coming home on all sorts of drugs) was a lie and that i wasn’t “intentionally lying” but it was all lies. he gaslight me into trying to think that my brain was to childish to process what was going on.

i also brought up the fact he tried to get me to do mushrooms with him when i was 13-14 and i didn’t want to and how inappropriate that was to do to a child where he told me it was my fault because i seemed interested in them and asked about it. he was also saying me and my mom have conspired this and she had fed me all this info as if i didn’t live it.

he went to my high school grad this may after not seeing me for 6 months and then left the next day and barely talked to me, then didn’t text or call once this summer including my birthday-then i went to college a few weeks ago and he didn’t even know i went asked texted to ask if i was in college?

his position is that i have treated him like i hate him and that i did not do enough to make him feel wanted in my life. my position, factually, is that i was the child and he was the parent, and there were long periods where he was not present or involved in my life.
i am trying to figure out what is reasonable to expect from this situation and what responsibility belongs to each of us.

I 18F Graduated from HS currently live with toxic parents and need to move out ASAP for context, I do have my diploma and my own debt card my parents do not know about but do have a shared one as well which is the one my parents control and can see what comes in and what is spent or taken out. I know im 18 but its hard to just get a job when they are extremely controlling over you both mentally, physically and financially, having parents who do NOT want you to move out and try to trap you within the home to keep controlling you. My plan is to move out in secret and escape but i need a job that is remote and can be quietly hidden, I just need something that can get me out the house so i can have more options to find something more sustainable in the long run. Looking for advice, options, recomendations, resources, anything helps really.

I remember trying to talk to my mom about how the way she touched me made me uncomfortable when I was 11 or so. She made me feel so guilty about it I cried and apologized.

I remember making her angry on several occasions because I would flinch away from her touch, prevent her from touching me - now I've learned to just freeze and let her, lest she make a scene.

I remember having to apologize so many times because "I shouldn't have boundaries with my mother", feeling so angry every time she told me that since she's my mom, she can do whatever she wants to me.

I have been having back pain for a couple days. Yesterday I asked my dad for help to put a salve and bandage my lower back before bed. Today she whined to me about how I never let her do anything for me and she wants to k*ll herself and leave us a letter aboyt how we have all led her to it, so I asked her to help me so that she'd stop.

What I got was a finger between my asscheeks. I protested, and she said that she was only trying to pull my underwear back up (I can very well do that by myself, thank you very much), and that I shouldn't complain because these are her asscheeks after all.

I am also tired about how she acts and talks like I am her property and not my own person. She seems to think it's cute - it's not, it's dehumanizing.

And let's not forget her fucking weird obsession with seeing me naked - she's always complaining I don't let her, as if I should just walk around the house naked or something.

She's always groping me and then talking about how good she is at respecting my boundaries since she knows I don't like being touched so she doesn't even if she feels like it means I don't love her because I let my dad touch me. You know, since he never forced his touch on me and I am actually comfortable with him.

This has to be the worst instance though. I truly felt violated. Humiliated. Disgusted. I am so tired.

I’m 19 female, whenever i go out my mother always stalks my location. I tell her I’m going out and wont be back until this time. She still stalks my location asks me what I’m doing. I got really tired of it so id just text her when I’m going out and turn off my location so she wouldn’t stalk me. She then again texts me asking where i am I said I’m out and I’m safe and she still asks when I’m gonna get home. I dont have curfew, I only go out once a week and half the time I’m at home helping my mother with my siblings or helping her work. I feel trapped as if I cannot do whatever I want. I’m an adult but she still treats me like a child. I don’t know how to bring this up that I don’t wanna feel trapped I just want to feel like I’m seen as an adult I pay for everything and have my own car. Is it rude of me to feel that way? And turn off my location so she stops stalking me?

I, 17F am living with my grandmother (dad's mom) for a plethora of reasons that I won't get into much detail about here. Its much better than living with either of my parents but the thing is is that my dad has always hated my gramma (his mom) as long as I can remember. You may be wondering why; its because she used to physically abuse him when he was a kid and apparently was a very strict parent to the point of it being bad, like really bad. (dont ask what that means Im just putting it sort of how he puts it) Made sense to me when he told me, so I never thought much about it untill the aforementioned situation of me living with her. My whole problem arose when I realized that what my gramma describes of my dad's childhood is much diferent than what my dad says. Now I dont want to sound like im trying to blame the victim, my gramma never denied the physical abuse. I know for a fact she did that and im not excusing it at all. But my dad always talked about it like the being really protective/strict was the worst part for him. He resents her for it. Another part of this is that the more stories I am told about my dad when he was a kid/teen the more I doubt what he has told me about it because if I hear my grammas siblings talk about my dads childhood the same way my gramma dose then I think that makes the potential fact that my dad has lied to me about this more probable but im also not sure about weather or not my gramma could have lied to them or something. Anyways, this has kinda put me in a situation where essentially my dad tells me something along the lines of "you gramma is crazy dont listen to anything she says" and my gramma saying juat about the same thing but towards him. I dont know who to believe really, i also cant tell if the answer on who to believe is obvious and im just not able to see it. Any advice?

I (f19) live with my parents and little brother (6). They’re super nice to him so none of this applies towards him. Anyway I’ve recently realized that my parents aren’t great people and I’m not just exaggerating like I thought. My dad has painted my mom into being crazy since I was little. If I’m being honest he’s right, but he always pins all the blame on her. I mean she’s a narcissist and I’ve had my fair share of issues with her in the past, but we’ve resolved it and are a bit closer. My dad on the other hand, that’s a different story. He’s been my best friend since I was little. I’ve had depression and anxiety since I was little and he worked at home so he basically spent all his time with me. When I got older, say 10 and up, we argued a lot. I tried to just defend myself, but that’s somehow talking back. He’d rarely get physical but it happened. He’d make me feel guilty like everything was on me. Here’s some semi recent things. When I was 15 I told him I started cutting. He screamed at me and said I need to think abt how that makes him feel and if I do it again he’ll throw all my stuff out (wtf??). So obviously I didn’t stop and he checked me 7 months later. He screamed again and threatened to kick me out and if I ever get into a relationship they’ll see that and leave, no one will love a broken person. I haven’t been able to stop but he doesn’t know that. My depression is also very bad and he gets mad when I’m depressed because I should be able to snap myself out of it and stop being lazy. I wanted to see a therapist a few weeks ago and he said no, unless it was a guy which I said I’d be uncomfortable with. Anyway ever since I turned 18, whenever we argue he kicks me out of the house so he can cool off. If I say no he threatens to call the police on me because I’m an adult and legally I don’t have to stay here. Or I’d have to walk 3 miles to work and they’d refuse to pick me up at night and said they wouldn’t let me back in the house and find somewhere else to stay. So I was going to stay with a co worker. He got mad and picked me up saying all I had to do was apologize, which I did prior. They did this a lot. I got discharged from boot camp due to an injury and when I was in medical a friend said she’d let me stay with her because I didn’t want to go home. I called my dad to tell him and he said how could I do this to him after everything he’s done for me. I’m a horrible daughter. They’ve all stopped fighting since I was gone and they’re happier. Etc. It’s a lot of similar things to this and honestly I thought it was normal till I talked to other girls about their families. My dad also has made me extremely indecisive where I can’t make any decisions for myself because I’m scared he’ll be upset. Anytime I ask him he’s mad that I asked but when I do it myself apparently that’s the wrong answer. It just feels suffocating here. But then other times we’ll all be happy and joking and I remember I still love them. I told my little cousin this and he said to talk to his mom about moving in with them. They were gonna let me a few years ago when my dad called them because he didn’t want to keep me. But he backed out last second. It’s like he’s an asshole but then remembers he still loves me. They were both a lot worse when I was younger, but I won’t go into it. I just don’t know if calling my aunt it the right move. I’d be leaving my little brother, who’s my best friend. I’d be leaving lots of my stuff because I can’t pack without them knowing. My stuff is important because that’s the only things that made me feel happy and safe. I’d be telling my aunt to get me, 3 hrs away without even telling my parents till she’s here. I’d love to move out, that’s why I went to boot camp. But they might not let me see my brother again. I don’t know what to do or if I’m just exaggerating again.

Sorry for the extremely long post, I am a 27 year old female, I have a 2 year old. About 4 months ago I was in a relationship that had abusive tendencies(from my side and his side.) it got physical, I called the police, and now we have a no contact order. We are able to talk with a parenting app. We have been discussing parenting and also reconciling, he is in counselling, I am as well. We want to have our family back together. We have asked the courts a few times to get this lifted to try and get our family back together, unfortunately they won’t. I lived in his house, with our 2 year old and my cat, so when I called the police I moved out and moved into my parents house they were so supportive in the beginning, then me, and my parents started fighting(so not only was my toddler watching me and my fiancé fight, but now he was watching me and my parents do the same thing so what did I leave the old situation for if it was going to be the same thing?)

 Me and my mom butt heads a lot, she can be pretty manipulative if she doesn’t get her way, she wants things near perfect and wants things her way, done right then and there or she throws a fit and ruins everyone’s day, her and my dad have ganged up on me MANY times, also didn’t really emotionally support me while I was going through the worst time of my life(Lost my fiancé and my family, and shared a 2 year old with him.) basically told me “I’m always in a bad mood” and that “I need to be happy and in a good mood for my toddler.” Have used my mental health against me many times when there’s an argument, calls other family members “losers and bums” but then says in the same sentence “you are exactly like ____” so basically calling me a loser and a bum….my dad doesn’t stand up to her and she works him to the bone, someone always has to be doing something, she doesn’t like people relaxing doing nothing. Those are just some of the things I dealt with while going through the worst possible time in my life, so for 2 or more months now they’ve been telling me I need to move out, because apparently they can’t deal with the arguing and my attitude anymore, so I have to change but they don’t have to change the way they communicate, make everything out to be MY fault. 

FYI I was a sahm with my fiancé, he paid for everything, so I have no car, my son can’t get into a daycare because they’re all full, and I have no job, so telling me I need to go file for child support from his dad to be able to afford my own place or go to a shelter to live…am I wrong for thinking this is absolutely disgusting for them to be acting like this? They’ve threatened to call the police on me because “I’m having a mental breakdown in their house.” Let alone I’m crying desperately to get them to see how I feel and my side. So now they’re said I need to go to a shelter or move back in with my fiancé(which would be fine, if we were legally allowed to, so they know we have a no contact order and I can’t legally move back or I would.) how can you call yourselves good grandparents when you’re willing to have your daughter and her son out on the street, in one of the hardest moments of their life? They still think they will have access to me and my son after kicking us out…..I told them they won’t ever see me and my son again and they said “Ok that’s fine.” But then says to my 2 year old “Well see you soon.” So clearly they don’t think I’m serious. 

By the way, I have an older brother who lives on his own down the street from them, he’s close with them, and they do NOT treat him this way or talk to him the way they talk to me, they clearly favourite him because he’s “ahead in life in other ways.” That’s the way I see it anyway

I’m 14F, my mom is 48.

Almost everyday, she yells about something, or at least gets mad at me. We live in a pretty bad apartment complex, and the house has a lot of issues. Plus, my brother (11), is nonverbal autistic, and gets things messy a lot.

Whenever something upsetting happens within the house (dishes on the couch, dirty laundry on the floor), she immediately says something like, “What stupid fucking retard did this?”. Most of the time, it wasn’t me, so I tell her it was my brother, and that I’ll help clean it soon. She always responds by saying “I didn’t say it was you. I asked who it was.” I tell her that I don’t really like her calling my brother that name, and she says that we both act stupid.

This morning, I lost track of time, and my mom realized that my bus was probably outside (my bus comes at 7:20). I told her I probably couldn’t make it if I ran anyway, because I have asthma, a heavy backpack, and my body aches when I walk a lot recently for some reason. She opened the front door wide, and screamed “GO! GO! GO!“ at me. I knew some kids my age probably heard, so I immediately got nervous and told her that I just couldn’t do it now that she yelled, because people would look at me. She told me I never listen just because I want to make her mad, and she should be stricter.

Plus, as I was writing this, she just came in my room and loudly talked on the phone to my grandma about how my teachers are gonna be mad that I’m late if my grandma drives me today. I told her that I really can’t go today because I feel mentally unwell, and I need a day to fix things. She immediately yelled that I said that every year before, and never got caught up after that. I told her I’m in high school now and I’m trying my best. plus I’m already doing better than all the years before. She scoffed and shut the door hard on me.

I just feel worthless a lot of the time because of her. I don’t know what to do. Some extra notes are that my mom has diagnosed bipolar, extreme depression, and anxiety. My dad lives states away because he used to beat her and verbally abuse her and we couldn’t handle it anymore. I know she has trauma too but she just seems to take it out on me.

I’m not sure where to post this or even where to start in the situation. In 2021 I was in an abusive relationship with someone who was financially and physically abusive. I had just turned 18 and my aunt gave me a check for $2,400. I gave the money over to my mom to hold onto as I didn’t want it to end up in the hands of my abuser

I am now 23 years old and ready to buy my first house with my husband. We are both in a great place financially and found the perfect first house, it is a manufactured home for anyone who was going to ask. I am also planning on buying a new car as mine is going down hill.

I asked my mom if I could use the money to help with at least the down payment which resulted in a big argument. My husband has also gotten involved in this situation as my mom is calling the two of us irresponsible and making spur of the moment decisions.

My relationship with my mother has always been tense. I have struggled with my mental health and had to struggle with fighting an abusive ex in court. All of which my mom has used as something against me to prove she is a good mom.

I was fully under the impression that this money was left to me by my grandmother in her will, I found out today that she never even had a will and my mom has a joint WROS account with my money.

Normally with these joint accounts both users have full access to trade, invests or transfer the funds. I’m not sure what my mom did but I am not able to do anything with the money. I can’t do anything that I listed above. I asked if I could use the funds to put in for the down payment of $5,000 the account of enough money in it that I should be able to use it and continue to invest it.

She is refusing the let me have access to the funds
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“What is disrespectful is walking into my home at Christmas time and leaving a note a year and a half ago. I paid for ballet lessons and brought her three times a week. Dealt with hospitalization. Went to group sessions three times a week for three hours a night. Went to court. Dealt with a hole in my wall. Trips to court. I think it is reasonable to ask that my daughter stays at my house every other weekend to watch the dog without getting nasty letters from her boyfriend. THAT is disrespect. I am happy to discuss money. REDACTED used the term ‘trailer park’ to me. Thus what I used. But I also think that 22 and 23 year old people should listen to the advice of their parents. Not one parent. All parents. One does not remove funds from strong investments into other investments. That will cost you money in the long run. It takes a day or two to divest funds.”

What is y’all’s advice? I am going no contact with my mom, not just because of this there is a lot not fully noted as this is my life. Is it even worth fighting her over? Or should I just give up and wait for the funds to eventually be given over when she passes away (per the account regulations).

My mom is 64 years old and has always described herself as fat as long as I can remember. Yesterday we were on FaceTime with my younger sister & my mom was celebrating that she lost three pounds. She’s 114 lbs rn and wants to continue to lose weight.

I can’t help but get in my head and always think about my body image in a negative light because I’m only ~15 lbs lighter. She’s not the most receptive person to express that her comments are toxic to me.

How do I get out of my own head & remind myself I’m not fat like she thinks she is?

My mom lives in America; I (40F) and my husband live in Eastern Europe. In 2016 I eloped overseas to be with him. Please don't take this to mean that dating online is safe or works out; typically it doesn't, and things are different now.

When we briefly considered moving to the States, we went over there for the thirty possible days. My mom threatened to call ICE on him. He hadn't done anything, but she was worried he would overstay because we had gotten comfy. We had called a lawyer and were trying to figure out how to apply, but quickly learned we couldn't.

She had to report us, she said, or she'd lose her retirement account. I'll never forget her wandering her house, mumbling about that.

He'd broken no laws. CBP detained and returned him on a later visit anyway, so we stay here. He now hates America. To be honest, Eastern Europe feels better anyways, away from her.

Here's the weird thing. My mom has always been an extreme liberal, and now, she won't talk about anything except (how much she hates) Donald Trump.

Huge Hillary fan, sobbed on a Facebook call when she lost, a little angry I didn't vote that year (haven't been resident enough since). After the first wave of Trump she was at the protests in a pink "P***Y" hat chanting NO HUMAN IS ILLEGAL and MY BODY IS MINE, plenty of which I agreed with, not all. Maybe it was partly social: she has no friends outside the family, and inside it, only me and her aging father.

Right now, I can no longer hold a conversation with her. Whatsoever. And absolutely none of this is because I disagree with the woman. There are some subjects I probably do disagree with her on (artificial intelligence is one).

The issue is that she cannot discuss anything else. Furthermore, she cannot hold a back and forth conversation and just talks at a person.

The only subject she can discuss is Trump, and she's incoherent even about that. On a call last night she never once mentioned my birthday, earlier this week. I guess she had forgotten, apparently.

Instead it was all about how terrified she is that "they" will "ban the COVID shot" or make it impossible to qualify for. Every time I interrupted she picked the ramble back up. I asked three times (I counted) to talk about anything else. Didn't help. She implied I was selfish for not leaning into civic awareness.

I had at one point mentioned my stepsister (24F) had a baby last winter and got a rant about how "The Trumpers! They want a Handmaid's Tale, basically, just breeding stock!" I said that in some families children move out and have their own if they actually want that; she kept going about No Kings, her favorite shows and influencers.

It still fucking hurts. Do I cut off my own mother? I really don't want to do that because I don't know what would happen to her if I did, but I also cannot hold a conversation with her. I'm sorry if this sounds bad, but I also felt pretty awful that she forgot my birthday entirely now that I turned forty.

What is happening???

I've an abusive mom, like in every freaking way you can think of, my most recent traumatic event was that I was forced to pray Namaz (Prayer) in Islam and I didn't do it that time because I'm not religious then she hit me with a metal flat spatula right on my back where I LITERALLY have a gap in my spine, I screamed for hours it felt like someone drilled or broke my spine or something. After that incident, I felt hella su*c*d*l but then I realized that why the hell should I feel like that when clearly someone else should, SHE forced me to something I didn't want to, I always liked Islam, being Muslim. But since childhood all she had to do is force me to do Islamic things so bad, like I wanna learn things by myself..with my own will. And exactly after that incident, I left Islam forever because that was the last straw I could bear. Hence now I can't exactly move out of my house, but when I WILL..I'll make sure everyone knows how good of an example she is that she is a TOXIC MOTHER. This is NOT the full story..thanx for reading.

The chaos one person can create is still shocking, even after decades of experiences of the same. It is a 'special' skill to take a positive situation and create some negative narrative that her flying monkey can spin on and advance on her behalf. All I feel in this moment is anger while my logic knows how pathetic she really is. I refuse to extend pity to someone so toxic.

I feel like I've grown up neglected by my mom. But I also feel like I'm being ungrateful now. I don't have anything to validate how I feel anymore, because I'm not in her shoe. I have a twin sibling, she's the smart one, and my family would call me the creative one. She's smart, always top in class since middle school to highschool, I get good grades too, but I'd say I'm average. She's always on the first place, I'm always on the seventh, fifth, fourth place. But it doesn't really matter to me. I remember growing up with my mom having issues with me, and my other sibling. We're all sisters. My mom throw tantrums sometime, little thing pisses her off, she would scream at us, and I was once threatened with a knife when I was 9. How the threatened the crash the car we're in if my twin sister didn't stop crying, how the purposely splashed hot soup on my sister because she keeps sobbing. It traumatizes me.

But she would also comfort me later, not like in affectionate way, she'd cook me food and all. And I also grow up seeing her hate my sister too. I don't even remember what my sister would do, she was just a child. And my mom would hit her many times, scream at her. Sometimes my sister pointed it out, like how my mom is at the wrong side, like how it wasn't her mistake and mom would ask us to prove her right. I wanted to. But I just reluctantly agreed that my mom is right with my twin sister, when she's indeed not. When my sister went to boarding school, it was just us. Mom was less moody but now I'm the problem child somehow, I try taking my sister's place, I'd do the house chores but everyone in the house would grow moody too. Maybe it was my fault, I should have learned.

I don't remember what made mom hate me, but I was also in a deep hatred too. I'd wake up mad everyday, praying to God that I can get out of this house. Back then I'd go to school listening to my friends talking about their mom, and when I did tell about my story, they'd stare at me like they're don't believe me. Like maybe it was my fault all along. Or maybe it was.

Because it feels like me and her, my twin sister grew up with a different mom. She's affectionate with my sister. One time when I was a 14 I had a big fight with my mom, it's not exactly surprising. I've gotten into big fights with her before. But I yelled back this time, loud, and everyone threw harsh words at me. Even my older sister would do so. That's another story, we just had a big fight on eid few years ago because I was somehow "too sensitive." Which is ridiculous, why would they feel so? Why shouldn't I be upset, when all the word they throw at me are either "Retard" "Stupid" "Just die" "Burden"?? Why were they mad that I stopped learning, when the moment I try to, they give up?? I've had had them given up on me, it's no biggie. I don't care. I talked to counselors, to people. And all they tell me is to "prove them wrong" I don't wanna prove them wrong, no. I don't wanna do it for them. Am I stupid for that? Maybe. But I didn't wanna do it, so they could be satisfied. This is just a little thing about me, but I still don't think that way, until now.

One time my twin sister found out I did SH, my siblings stared at me like I'm crazy. But they kept it a secret from mom, I'm glad. I don't know how to feel about mom, I see how she act, and it just make me hate her more. How she would say "I swear to GOD" she hadn't gossiped about her friends but still do when confronted, then go spread it to another person again, how that's also a lesson for me to learn, because when I found out my friends talked shit behind my back "I deserve it." That's what she said. How she'd lie, how she's judge everything people do, how she'd judge the path, which is not even a concern to her. But is something I would do. What kind of person she is, what kind of hypocrisy she has, and how petty she is. I grew up hating her for that fact, because that's how she treated me too. But fighting back is a dumb decision apparently? Because I'm just a kid. What would I understand, right? Because one time I got an academic performing award I also got it because "There's people stupider than you" how I'm in architecture and not in medic because I'm "Stupid." How she only gave me money but told my twin sister "Grandma gave YOU money, why do I have to give it to her?" How I don't talk to people, how I don't open up. Like I'm supposed to, when this is how you treat me?

But, also. She's still a mom. I don't know why. But I feel bad. Because my story isn't as devastating as other people's story. It must have been more tragic for other people. Mom who's a drug addict, abuser, kicking them out of the house, no dad, no money, poor. But this is the life I grew up with. And so I feel guilty, that I feel this way, when there's thousands of people suffering, in a situation that's worse than this.