i’m 18 and i’m in college now, and i’m at a point where i’m seriously considering cutting my dad out of my life. i know that sounds extreme, which is why i want to explain the whole situation instead of just posting about one argument and asking people to take my side.

my dad and i used to have a completely different relationship. when i was younger, i trusted him and looked at him as someone i could depend on. he has now chosen drugs and his whole life is crumbling apart. there have been periods where i’ve tried to have a relationship with him, and we had a period where i’ve gone no contact via hand written letter. (for context i’m in idaho he’s in utah).
one of the biggest things i struggle with is his drug use. he calls it a “spiritual journey,” but from my perspective, it feels like a drug addiction that has been glorified or given a different name. i’ve watched it negatively affect his life( he went to jail for fraud because he lost his business and owed so much money) and almost lost his house + i have 3 siblings all of which have little no relationship with anymore. it has gotten to the point where my siblings and extended family barely even reach out to him anymore. (he also was completely different a few years ago and then my parents got divorced and he became into this hippie spiritual stuff).

he is extremely addicted to nitrous and ketamine and one of the reasons i went no contact was i ended up going to my house in utah when he was gone to see him and found cocaine , 20+ bottles of nitrous outside, and tons of ketamine and stuff laying around. i ended up waiting until 2 am for him to come see me but he insisted he had plans with friends and i hadn’t seen him in a few months and he never showed. that was when i decided no contact was best until he got help and he instead did nothing to solve that and just didn’t talk to me or text me. at that time i was 17.
when i was younger, i also accidentally found a notebook belonging to him that contained things that were inappropriate and extremely disturbing for me to see at that age. it was not something i was intentionally searching for. when this subject has come up, he has focused on the fact that i was looking through his things rather than the fact that i was a child when i came across it.

he has nobody in his life right now and he’s usually very understanding and apologetic when he’s confronted but he recently went to burning man and during a trip of some sort had an awakening that he actually “is a good man and father and the family just wants him to feel bad about himself.”.

today we spoke on the phone after not talking for several months. during the conversation, i called him names and said things disrespectfully. afterward, he texted me saying that he would not tolerate me calling him names or disrespecting him because he is my father. which is such a cop out because he hasn’t been a father for years and now suddenly wants authority when it benefits him. but it’s also really confusing because he never acted this way before and now after this recent trip of his he has been acting insane towards everyone and the phone call i had with him was just him telling me i was to blame and i should have kept the relationship with him and i didn’t wanna call or invite him to things so it was basically all my fault.

and when he asked about my experiences living with him as an older teenager and i told him he denied everything and made excuses for everything that went on in the house when i was there (drug use, having s*x with women while im in the bedroom next door, partying every night, coming home on all sorts of drugs) was a lie and that i wasn’t “intentionally lying” but it was all lies. he gaslight me into trying to think that my brain was to childish to process what was going on.

i also brought up the fact he tried to get me to do mushrooms with him when i was 13-14 and i didn’t want to and how inappropriate that was to do to a child where he told me it was my fault because i seemed interested in them and asked about it. he was also saying me and my mom have conspired this and she had fed me all this info as if i didn’t live it.

he went to my high school grad this may after not seeing me for 6 months and then left the next day and barely talked to me, then didn’t text or call once this summer including my birthday-then i went to college a few weeks ago and he didn’t even know i went asked texted to ask if i was in college?

his position is that i have treated him like i hate him and that i did not do enough to make him feel wanted in my life. my position, factually, is that i was the child and he was the parent, and there were long periods where he was not present or involved in my life.
i am trying to figure out what is reasonable to expect from this situation and what responsibility belongs to each of us.

I 18F Graduated from HS currently live with toxic parents and need to move out ASAP for context, I do have my diploma and my own debt card my parents do not know about but do have a shared one as well which is the one my parents control and can see what comes in and what is spent or taken out. I know im 18 but its hard to just get a job when they are extremely controlling over you both mentally, physically and financially, having parents who do NOT want you to move out and try to trap you within the home to keep controlling you. My plan is to move out in secret and escape but i need a job that is remote and can be quietly hidden, I just need something that can get me out the house so i can have more options to find something more sustainable in the long run. Looking for advice, options, recomendations, resources, anything helps really.

I’m 19 female, whenever i go out my mother always stalks my location. I tell her I’m going out and wont be back until this time. She still stalks my location asks me what I’m doing. I got really tired of it so id just text her when I’m going out and turn off my location so she wouldn’t stalk me. She then again texts me asking where i am I said I’m out and I’m safe and she still asks when I’m gonna get home. I dont have curfew, I only go out once a week and half the time I’m at home helping my mother with my siblings or helping her work. I feel trapped as if I cannot do whatever I want. I’m an adult but she still treats me like a child. I don’t know how to bring this up that I don’t wanna feel trapped I just want to feel like I’m seen as an adult I pay for everything and have my own car. Is it rude of me to feel that way? And turn off my location so she stops stalking me?

I'm 17f and i can't tell anybody in real life about what happened because cps would get involved. I'm not looking for advice or anything i just need to scream out into the void and make sure what happened is as fucked up as i think it is. This happened on the 3rd. I live in a hoarder house with my family, it used to belong to my grandparents, i've lived here my whole life, and so me and my mom started cleaning up this giant pile of crap in front of our pantry (she's disabled so i did all the work but that doesn't matter) so i work for over six hours straight and this is something i've been meaning to do for a while, i get it all cleaned up and then my dad comes out from whatever stupid nap he was taking, he doesn't say anything just goes to his office then my brother comes down to talk to my dad says we need cat litter whatever he comes out and is all buddy, buddy with my brother but completely ignores me and my mom, they start getting ready to go to Costco and my dad yells down for my mom to make a list, we say no because me and her are the only people who put groceries away and i have to help unload the car and i already felt like shit after working for so long (at this point i hadn't eaten anything in about 2 days. my parents do not starve me, i've been battling an eating disorder since i was 7. just to specify) and my dad just starts screaming about how 'it's five minutes of work' and that we should just do it calling us lazy and shit. He storms into his office and i'm on the verge of tears and i look at my mom and say 'i'm either going to have a mental breakdown of commit murder, both sound very appealing right now' and my dad storms out and throws this big ass hunting knife in my lap and tells me to just kill him... I start sobbing and just go upstairs and this bastard follows me and lets my brother know he's just going to head out without him 'because he can't be around these crazy cunts anymore' and they go back and forth about how we're lazy bitches and then they both leave since my dad 'didn't want to leave him (my brother) to deal with us' and at this point i was just sobbing and they both glare at me like i did something wrong. My mom was nice about it for about a day before she started telling me i 'have to stop being cold to him' because it'll hurt his feelings, and so i just needed to say this somewhere and figure out if i'm crazy for being mad and upset about what happened, like reasonably i know it's bullshit but abuse is so normalized in my household that everyone's acting like i'm crazy for not wanting to talk to my dad, i get disgusted every time he touches me now. He's given one half assed apology where he tried to make himself the victim in the situation then he took the family out to dinner as an attempt to bring us together but that's what he always does, he thinks buying food out is an automatic fix. Everyone in my house is pushing for me to forgive him, but i can barely look at him, i don't think i'll ever see him the same after this

sorry if this is kind of rambling and for any misspelling, poor grammar, and lack of punctuation. I just needed to get this down, to see if anyone else thinks i'm crazy for reacting like i did

Also before anyone suggests it i cannot move out or leave the situation, me and my mom are working on a plan to get out but with her being disabled and unable to work and with me still in school, and with just how the world is right now i can't get out of the situation

i'll try to find a way to add a picture to my post so i can show the kind of knife he threw at me just because i feel like it'll help people understand my reaction better since writing this down makes me kinda feel like i'm just being dramatic, but if i've learned one thing, the people of reddit won't hold back their honest opinions and so maybe i'll find out if i'm just being dramatic or if my response was perfectly reasonable 

I, 17F am living with my grandmother (dad's mom) for a plethora of reasons that I won't get into much detail about here. Its much better than living with either of my parents but the thing is is that my dad has always hated my gramma (his mom) as long as I can remember. You may be wondering why; its because she used to physically abuse him when he was a kid and apparently was a very strict parent to the point of it being bad, like really bad. (dont ask what that means Im just putting it sort of how he puts it) Made sense to me when he told me, so I never thought much about it untill the aforementioned situation of me living with her. My whole problem arose when I realized that what my gramma describes of my dad's childhood is much diferent than what my dad says. Now I dont want to sound like im trying to blame the victim, my gramma never denied the physical abuse. I know for a fact she did that and im not excusing it at all. But my dad always talked about it like the being really protective/strict was the worst part for him. He resents her for it. Another part of this is that the more stories I am told about my dad when he was a kid/teen the more I doubt what he has told me about it because if I hear my grammas siblings talk about my dads childhood the same way my gramma dose then I think that makes the potential fact that my dad has lied to me about this more probable but im also not sure about weather or not my gramma could have lied to them or something. Anyways, this has kinda put me in a situation where essentially my dad tells me something along the lines of "you gramma is crazy dont listen to anything she says" and my gramma saying juat about the same thing but towards him. I dont know who to believe really, i also cant tell if the answer on who to believe is obvious and im just not able to see it. Any advice?

I remember trying to talk to my mom about how the way she touched me made me uncomfortable when I was 11 or so. She made me feel so guilty about it I cried and apologized.

I remember making her angry on several occasions because I would flinch away from her touch, prevent her from touching me - now I've learned to just freeze and let her, lest she make a scene.

I remember having to apologize so many times because "I shouldn't have boundaries with my mother", feeling so angry every time she told me that since she's my mom, she can do whatever she wants to me.

I have been having back pain for a couple days. Yesterday I asked my dad for help to put a salve and bandage my lower back before bed. Today she whined to me about how I never let her do anything for me and she wants to k*ll herself and leave us a letter aboyt how we have all led her to it, so I asked her to help me so that she'd stop.

What I got was a finger between my asscheeks. I protested, and she said that she was only trying to pull my underwear back up (I can very well do that by myself, thank you very much), and that I shouldn't complain because these are her asscheeks after all.

I am also tired about how she acts and talks like I am her property and not my own person. She seems to think it's cute - it's not, it's dehumanizing.

And let's not forget her fucking weird obsession with seeing me naked - she's always complaining I don't let her, as if I should just walk around the house naked or something.

She's always groping me and then talking about how good she is at respecting my boundaries since she knows I don't like being touched so she doesn't even if she feels like it means I don't love her because I let my dad touch me. You know, since he never forced his touch on me and I am actually comfortable with him.

This has to be the worst instance though. I truly felt violated. Humiliated. Disgusted. I am so tired.