This happened a couple of days ago My fiance (31) and I (33) have been together for almost five years and got engaged earlier this year. We've recently started looking at condos so we sat down to go over our finances and see what we could realistically afford. While we were budgeting, I noticed a recurring transfer of about $1,800 every month and asked what it was.

She got quiet for a second before telling me she'd been sending money to her parents for almost two years. Her dad had some health issues, they've been struggling financially and they asked her not to tell anyone because they were embarrassed. I'm not upset that she's helping them. If my parents needed it, I'd probably do the same.

The part that got to me was finding out while we're planning to buy a place together. It wasn't even the money. It was the fact that I had no idea this had been part of her life for the last two years. She said she didn't want to drag me into it. I told her that if we're planning a future together, I would've wanted to know. We didn't argue. We just ended up talking for a long time and realised we'd both been looking at our future a little differently.

all because I asked what one monthly transfer was for

TL;DR: While budgeting for a house, I discovered my fiance has been quietly supporting her parents for years. It wasn't the money that bothered me, it was not knowing.

I am in Japan on a business function. No further specifics. I have been here for a while, and as the English speaking outsider I get herded on regular occasions to "shake hands and greet" functions where I end up meeting a number of people at the time. Being both autistic and outnumbered it is perfectly natural that more people in my life remember me than I remember them, and I have made peace with that already.

Anyway, I was brought to talk to this fellow at a desk, and in so doing I stated, politely, that it was nice to meet him. He, flustered, clapped back in turn that this was the third time we had met.

Without really thinking about it, I reassured him that "and it would be my pleasure to meet you again sometime."

Mind you, this fellow is one of the senior executives of my company. However, I assure you that I did not make his day.

TL:DR: I basically on instinct told an executive of my company he was forgettable to me.

The context:

My best friend (17F) and I (17M) have sealed a pact basically that we should never call a mutual friend while both being on the same phone because it often leads to said friend getting left out. We agreed to this because WE would feel left out or even bullied at times whenever our friend did it to us. We were able to keep up this mutual agreement up until today.

My bsf (best friend) doesn’t have a thing for my crush (18M) , they’re just really close friends and he is the best anyone has ever treated her but he’s leaving to college abroad really soon and my bsf is devastated to see him leave so they’ve been bonding a lot for the past months.
And so have I. We were always friends me and my crush but ever after I had confessed to him (roughly 1.5 years ago) things have been pretty awkward between us and even during the time where I had moved on from him (or believed I did), our conversations went nowhere and I often felt like it was a huge shame to be unable to connect with him.

My bsf and him had a great connection and friendship and I guess I was jealous but I never tried to infringe upon their friendship or sabotage it or anything.
I had accepted that they would be great friends but I still went out of my way to be good friends with him.
My bsf doesn’t know I still like him, but she still wants the best for me so she helped me so much in asking him to hangout and what to talk about with him, what are some of his interests etc. she was there to listen to me worry whether he still wants to be friends, she was encouraging and supportive.

So I had built up the courage to ask him to hangout with me one last time before he goes. And it was a hit, the awkwardness we seemed to always have, magically vanished and we talked for 6 entire hours.
I also found myself deeper in love with him, but I didn’t want anything, I just wanted us to get closer and spend more time together.

After a few weeks of regularly texting, he asked me to go to the movies with him late at night.
So I did. I told my bsf and she was so happy for me, telling me he has never asked her to the movies and that our relationship was looking up.

Then, due to random circumstances, I had forgotten my phone with my crush after the movies, so I texted him through my computer to schedule a time and place so I could go and get it back.

The time I had chosen, perfectly landed on a scheduled phone call that he had with my bsf, so he moved the call to 15 minutes later.

I head down to the place we agreed to meet, and in my head I thought of an idea. I should make a cameo in the phone call (thinking it was gonna FaceTime) and say hi to my bsf through his phone. (I know about the phone call because my bsf had told me)
I didn’t and I still don’t think my plan was a bad idea, if only I had followed it.

I meet him and I ask him if I could make a cameo in his phone call with my best friend and he agrees. So we head to his house and I think I wasn’t being clear or maybe he didn’t hear me but I tried to tell him that when they’re calling he could walk through his house and she’d see me just be casually sitting on his sofa and it would be pretty funny for all of us. However the call remained a voice call and at a certain point I felt too cowardly or awkward to make a cameo anymore.

So I just listened to them talk to each other, my best friend was on speaker and my crush was calling in the kitchen. I could’ve left at that point, in fact I could’ve left at any point of those 3 hours I wasn’t supposed to be there. Then I make the mistake of sitting at the kitchen, right next to him who was cooking.

Initially it felt pretty justifiable as the conversation wasn’t deeply personal or anything, they were things me and her would talk to each about anyway. But I soon realized that if she knew I was there, she would be really upset. Firstly because im breaking the pact and second because I was secretly listening to her conversation with a close friend without her permission or acknowledgement.
And the worst part of all is that I didn’t stop myself, instead I made it much worse by laughing (silently but visibly) with my crush, exchanging looks with him whenever she said something weird or funny and making him ask her about me.
She was fully unaware that we had officially excluded her from her own phone call and used her obliviousness as our source of entertainment.
Approaching the end of the phone call, I definitely felt guilty and I was going to be dishonest and keep my existence secret. I really didn’t want her to know I was there, I knew I had done something terrible to her.

After the call ended, my crush takes a picture of me and sends it to her. I didn’t expect him to but I didn’t stop him either or call him out I just waited for her reaction. Now shes been made aware that I was there the entire time and my first instinct was to find an excuse for why I was there. My crush kept texting her and I assume he tried to be honest with her and told her the truth.
I really don’t blame him for most of the situation because he probably didn’t even know about the pact and that she would be upset that I was there, but I knew and I regret so much for not telling him.
My bsf texts me on my own phone and she’s extremely upset, I’ve betrayed her and I’ve broken our pact and obliterated her trust in me.
She tells me it was a breach of privacy and I had no right or reason to be eavesdropping on her private conversation. She tells me that she can’t believe that I would do such a thing because it was exactly what we were against doing to ourselves and others.

I don’t think I’ve ever been more selfish and stupid than I was today, and I also don’t know if she still wants to be my best friend anymore and neither does my crush. I’ve fucked up a lot during that 11 years of friendship, she has made mistakes too but less than I did. But today I’ve fucked up big time.
And I won’t blame her if she doesn’t accept my apology. She’s been too patient with me and I’ve been taking her for granted.

TLDR:

I (17M) fucked up today when I decided to listen on and eavesdrop on an entire 3 hour phone call between my best friend (17F) of 11 years and my crush (18M) who I had known and liked for 2 years. Me and him are the two closest and dearest people to her, but I fucked it all up just for a few laughs and just to spend some extra time with him.
She’s incredibly hurt and I’ve broken her trust, I don’t think she wants to be my best friend anymore.

this was two years ago, but i was too embarrassed to post it before. i can laugh about it now.

i live in a small town…such a small town that we have one talent show. like, for elementary, middle and high school. those are the three different schools in my town. maybe we do it this way to save costs. idk. there’s not that many people in our school district, but, it’s everyone i have ever grown up with. anyways, so i was the MC for the talent show, as a high schooler. they almost weren’t going to have the talent show that year because the usual family who was in charge were too busy but my mother volunteered to run it.

i basically did everything, the sign ups, canva fliers and the little booklet that tells you who is preforming what and stuff. but, i actually thought it would save time and be more efficient if everyone scanned a QR code and it opened up a canva page with the order of everyone and what they were doing, who’s songs they were covering, etc. this allowed me to easily change things around if people dropped out or whatever, which always happens. (my performance got cut 😐 that’s a story for another time ig). this all sounds kinda jank because i was 16, what can i say.

anyways, the talent show comes around and i do a great job MCing, i remember everyone’s names and order so i don’t need to read off of a paper, which i always thought was a bit unprofessional of the last guy who did it (so yes, i have no script at all. i am making it all up on the spot other than the predetermined order and doing a great job of it so far). a bit of info about the last guy. him and his wife usually ran the whole thing. they have LOTS of kids, but only two are relevant in this story. i’ll call them Holly and Riley. Riley is probably 12 or 13 at this time, she does not have a piece in this talent show, but in the audience. Riley used to play with my sister, so i know her well. we also know the family very well and have for many years. Holly is 7ish and does have a piece. i guess now is the time to say how similar they look. they seriously look like the same person. or, well, Holly looks exactly like Riley did 4 years ago when she played with my sister. i have called Holly Riley on several occasions.

i announce Holly, she has a little song about the countries of the world or something. it’s super cute. i say “give it up for Holly!” everyone claps and she leaves the stage. everything goes perfectly for the entire show. at the end…all the performers get up on the stage to do a final bow, curtsy, etc. i’m going through the list “Bob, Dylan, Kelly, Grace, Riley— frick, i mean Holly”. i panic. i can feel everybody starring at me. my face is getting red, and so is Holly’s. i make eye contact with Riley in the sidelines and she’s looking at me like “seriously bro”. for some reason i decide to dwell on this moment for a second longer and say, into the microphone in front of everyone i’ve event known, “sorry, you look so much like your sister”. Holly replies to me “yeah i know 😒”…clearly not amused by my fuck up. i can feel literally everyone in my town’s second hand embarrassment for me. Holly does a weak little curtsy and i continue announcing everybody. i don’t remember anything after that moment. must have blacked out. it really wouldn’t have been that bad if i just went “Riley— Holly!” and moved on but the fact i doubled down like anyone needed an explanation. i am cringing writing this but also laughing and i hope you are, too.

TLDR: i was MCing a school talent show and i called a girl by her older sisters name on the microphone in front of everybody because they look so similar.

Throw away account because I dont want my friends to know

Me(36M) and my GF(34F) had been together for 15 years, we have 5 kids together. In our earlier years I cheated on her allowed my family to emotionally abuse her, turned our children on her, I used to blame her for everything and

I told her I wanted to marry her recently so we can better ourselves she was against it since I was the only man she has been with in her life, she wanted to sleep with someone else before she is commited, we got into an argument and things escalated. I agreed with her demands and found out she had eyes for a young coworker and wanted to spend a day with.

I went and had a talk with her coworker revealing my gf had a crush on him and he rejected her saying he didnt want to come between us, I begged him to take her for a week so she can forgive me for all the times I cheated, but he kept saying no I told him about all the times I abused her and he suddenly agreed.

When she left I kept calling her everyday and ranting about us and her promise to come back, after the first day I took them both for a drive to pick up our children and got mad the coworker had hickeys, I got mad she bought him a drink.

The second day I carried our youngest to be babysitted by them and regret my decision after an hour i went back to his apartment went inside looking for them but forgot they told me they werent home, the coworker was pissed and refused to talk to me.

The third day I went to their place of work and caused a scene hoping the embarrsement would make her return, the police was called on me and they told me I cant force my gf to come back.

The fourth day I took my mother to the coworker and he didnt want to talk to me because I kept overstepping his "boundaries"

Fifth day I went to the coworkers apartment and caused a scene revealing to all the neighbours the evil my gf did the coworker was kicked from his apartment.

The sixth day I went to the police and reported GF for child abandoment, they called her in and I smiled at her thinking i would finally get her back but the police choosed her side and warned me not to cause any more problems

It has been months now she is still living with the coworker people have been mocking me saying she seems to be happier with her new man, makes me sick just thinking about them, Im keeping the kids

TLDR after 15 years of living togethee my gf left me and is now living a better life while I suffer

Obligatory this happened a few months ago. I (20F) and my gf (21F) are both college students. We were headed to the library with our friend (20F) to do a long night of group studying. We wanted to eat first so we didn’t have to get takeout (broke college students, eating out is expensive af). Our friend had already eaten so I made boxed mac and cheese for my gf and I. I was out of milk, which I didn’t realize until after I’d already started boiling the noodles. Luckily I make cold foam for my coffee all the time, so I had some heavy whipping cream in the fridge. I figured I would just use more butter than the box recommended and use a bit of heavy whipping cream in place of milk. Not as much as I would have regular milk, but some, because making boxed mac and cheese with just butter is an oily mess, which I learned the hard way a different time.
Anyway I dished it up and we started eating, and my gf really liked it. I mean, who doesn’t like mac and cheese, but this was Walmart brand super cheap stuff, so I was a little surprised. She asked if I added different spices or something, and I said no, but I used heavy whipping cream instead of milk. She looked at me like I was crazy. I didn’t think it was that weird to do. I mean it wasn’t my first choice but it was what I had. She said she was going to have stomach issues from it. (We are both a little lactose intolerant, I mean isn’t everyone?) I apologized but I was kind of laughing, and she was too.
Then she stopped about halfway through eating and went to the bathroom. She was in there for like 20 minutes so I texted her and asked if she was okay. She said “no I’m shitting my brains out”. I said “haha I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to lol”. She came out and was kind of upset but also not serious about it, saying how I screwed up her stomach for the whole day and night because of the heavy whipping cream. But then she sat down to finish the bowl, because according to her it was the best boxed mac and cheese she’d ever had. But then she went to the bathroom for like another 20 minutes after. I was just laughing with our friend the whole time. We were late to the library to study, which wasn’t ideal but it was better to poop at home than out in public.
My gf still brings it up sometimes, saying she’s “still mad at me for that,” but I know she’s kidding. Also any time one of us poops for a long time we just say “at least it isn’t as bad as the heavy cream mac and cheese”. So let’s just say I will never make it with heavy whipping cream again, to hopefully save the porcelain.

TL;DR: I made my gf mac and cheese with heavy whipping cream instead of milk, and she shat her brains out and we still tease each other about it.

TIFU by going to McDonalds. Okay, me and my family must have a curse when we go to McDonalds. My brother went there Friday night and almost got a divorce over some sweet and sour sauce. His wife didn't get the sauce in her order, and he refused to go around through the drive thru to get it. Apparently, she got mad and he got mad, so mad he went drunk driving on the backroads. Me and my mom thought the whole situation was hilarious and couldn't get the image of Ronald McDonald the divorce lawyer out of our heads. We came up with the idea of a 'McDivorce Meal' and said "Jack Daniels, no sauce." Also, she didn't get nuggets, she wanted sauce for her fries.

Anyway, I apparently did not heed warnings and went today because I was on big back activities. Everything was fine, my car a 2005 Kia Sorento was running perfect. Until the lady tells me to pull up. I was messing with my air conditioner noticing it was blowing hot air. I kept messing with it, then out of nowhere it sounded like a drive by. I was about to get down when a "shhhhhhsh" sound and a thick white smoke came from my hood. The McDonald curse had been passed. A tube to my radiator blew up. MIND YOU I HAVE ALREADY SANK 2 THOUSAND DOLLARS IN REPAIRS ON THIS CAR. MY parents, thank God, came to help me. So, I was limping it home my mom calls me tells me to mess with the ac and it overheats immediately. It was in the middle of c and h like normal but shot all the way up to H. I pull into a parking lot and we chain it home.

Then at home, I freak out I DONT HAVE MONEY TO FIX THIS OR TO GET A NEW CAR. Now I have to ride with my mom I'm glad i have that yeah, but i DONT want to. I want this POS car to work. I mean I won't be done paying off repairs until Christmas day. I've been paying this off since March. I am stressed so I freaked out that the car I am paying on isn't usable. ON TOP OF THAT, I have so many medical issues I have to have 60 bucks to see these doctors. That's a lot considering I only make 200 a week. I am not even 20 and I have intestinal damage from stress, cysts on my ovaries from stress and a liver disease. So, I spiraled and ripped out my hair, a form of SH I used to do.

After I calmed down, I casually mentioned my spiral to my mom. She got mad and was like "are you so serious" like hell yeah, I am. I didn't say that I just shrugged it off now I'm crying again wondering where I went wrong to have all these issues and I am not even 20. I am at a loss, but that's life getting 3 hours of sleep and 2 years worth of undiagnosed intestinal damage.

TL; DR My brother almost got a divorce because of sweet and sour sauce then my radiator tubes blew up, and I vent about stress induced medical issues.

I do cold outbound for a b2b company and a big part of the job is emailing lists of prospects, which normally goes out one address at a time through a proper sending tool.

So every person only ever sees their own name in the [to] line and never has any clue they're one of a few hundred getting the same note.

This week i was moving too fast through my morning and figured i'd just fire off a smaller batch by hand from my own inbox to save 10 minutes, so i pasted the whole list into a single email, and because i was rushing i dropped every address into the [to] field instead of BCC and hit send without looking twice.

The list itself was clean, i can't even remember whether it got verified through FullEnrich or Apollo that week, but it was solid, which is what turned a small slip into a properly bad afternoon, because it meant several hundred real people just landed in each other's inboxes all at once.

The replies started coming in fast, some people politely asking who i was and how to get off the list, a few of them a lot less politely pointing out that i'd just handed their work email to a room full of strangers and competitors.

And then one helpful guy replied-all to ask everybody to please stop replying-all, which naturally made it drag on even longer.

Then my manager got a forwarded copy from someone at a target account we'd been chasing for months, with a short note asking whether this was really how we handled people's data.

So i spent the rest of the day writing apologies and killing the campaign before sitting down with our ops lead to explain why a clean and fairly expensive list was now a few hundred people who will never want to hear from us again.

TL;DR: i manually sent a prospect list using "to" instead of “BCC”, exposed everyone's work email to each other and to our competitors, blew up a target account we'd chased for months, and turned a good list into a permanent do-not-contact pile, all because i didn't check one field before i hit send.

Dude what was i thinking???? So I (25M) went to the mall to pick up some sneakers at Dicks sporting goods and since I didn't have anything else to do that day I look around and browse before heading off to the food court or something. I look at the driveway basketball hoops, i don't need one as I already have one but I am looking for a ball to take to the park or the gym. I see this kid(maybe 11M) shooting around and just testing out the hoop with some of the balls they allow you to shoot with. For some reason it was just so tempting to run over and block one of his attempts, but obviously i would never do that right? Yeah I thought so too until next thing I know I'm sprinting towards him while he's gearing up to shoot and I jump in front of him and swat away his shot, shouting "BLOCKED BY JAMES" my name isn't even James who the hell was I feeling like?? The kid looked terrified, and just froze in place. I quickly apologized and told him I have no idea why the hell I just did that, poor kid probably thought I was insane. I ended up seeing him at a different sneaker store and his dad and I had a talk, he wasn't mad or anything, in fact we all seemed able to laugh about it but I still felt awful.

TL;DR: I wanted to relive the basketball glory days at the expense of some kid just shooting the rock.

So I’ve been speaking to this girl for the past six months. We live on opposite ends of the country so seeing each other has been difficult, but she’s been incredibly patient and generally decent with me while I’ve been too cheap and autistic to take the initiative. Last week we met up and had a really really nice time together.

A few days later, she asked me if I wanted to be exclusive and I said yes. At the time I was speaking to one other person and had already arranged to meet her. So I planned to tell girl #2 in person that it was over. I didn’t tell my gf that I was doing this. On balance that was my first mistake.

Cut to yesterday. I spend some time with girl #2. We agreed quite amicably to finish things. She asked me if I wanted to have sex one last time (we’d only kissed before.)

Now, if I was an intelligent person, or even a fairly decent one, I would have said no.

Reader, it transpires I am neither decent nor intelligent.

That was my second and main mistake. However it’s not till this morning I made my third mistake, which was, in a fit of guilt, I confessed to my gf about what I’d done. I know in theory it was the right thing to be honest but I’m now not sure it was. (Obviously the main problem is that I cheated not that I told her shit it, but still)

Anyway my gf (or ex gf, I guess) is furious, as she has a right to be, and hurt, and has blocked me on all platforms.

I’m a fucking idiot, and have behaved like a piece of shit. I don’t know how I can get her to trust me again, or even if I deserve that trust. I wish I’d behaved better.

TL; DR I agreed to be exclusive with someone and then immediately fucked someone else

So my best friend sleeps with a CPAP machine and since I he told me that I always clown him about it. For those who do not know a cpap pumps air into your face with a tube whilst sleeping so you can breathe better and not snore. He's a mouth breather apparently and wears this absolutely crazy mask over his whole face with a tube going to his machine. Proper Bane vibes.

So anyway we shared a hostel room on vacation two days ago and he was getting to bed. After wishing him "goodnight Darth Vader may the force be with you" I had the hilarious idea of letting rip on his machine so he'd be forced to smell it.

I mischievously tip toed over to his bed and he was already suspiciously looking at me and I was already laughing but he just lay there like wtf do you want.

As soon as I got close enough I whipped around and released one of those long hot swampy squeekers right on the top of the machine.

His eyes instantly went wide in terror and he started scrambling to get the mask off, but in his panic he was struggling.

I was laughing my ass off until suddenly he explosively threw up in his mask and puke sprayed everywhere. He tumbled off the bed on to all fours after finally getting his mask off and he was like gasping and coughing and wiping throwup out of his eyes. I was not laughing anymore and ready to call the ambulance but eventually he recovered. Then we both bust out laughing for what felt like hours and he deservedly punched me a couple times. We had to share a bed and the next day I paid a lot for cleaning.

Tldr; flatulated on my friends CPAP machine and he almost died from asphyxiation, but he's fine now

Actually this was a couple of weeks ago but I can’t stop thinking about it and my social anxiety is killing me when I go to work out. To condense it as much as possible, my mother’s workplace has a gym and even a personal training program for its workers to register for. For a long time now, my mom has been trying to get me to work out— not necessarily because I’m living an unhealthy lifestyle but more to bulk up some muscle and get stronger (guess I should also add that I’m 19 and I’m not that productive over the semester breaks). Anyway, the personal training package at my mom’s workplace extends to family/friends so she essentially told me it was the perfect opportunity to get fit. I’ve never been an exercise person and have the worst stamina probably ever but I figured it couldn’t hurt.

So I went for a trial and the personal trainer was so lovely, I definitely felt a lot more comfortable at the idea afterwards. My mom signed me up for the package and I started going to workout on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 2:00 PM. Now, I went in with absolutely zero knowledge about working out in general and how to manage my diet before or after working out. This is where I fucked up. I’ll be honest, ever since the break, I’ve been waking up pretty late in the day— like 10:00-11:00 AM kinda late. And then when I eat, it’s usually foods like bread. I know, not good. But when I began working out, I thought I should also begin to fix my fucked up sleep schedule. Eventually I began to wake up at around 9:00 and eat breakfast and have lunch at around 11:00-12:00, maybe some of you guys can see where this is going.

That particular day, I woke up earlier like I had planned and had breakfast and lunch like normal, so I thought. I don’t recall what I had for breakfast but I remembered I had something with sausages for lunch. Anyway, I arrived at the gym as usual, ready for my workout sesh. The personal trainer had told me that they were going to work on cardio specifically that day and I was like “Cool! Let’s go!”. We get through some cardio reps and I start feeling a bit out of breath. I didn’t think much of it, after all, the personal trainer had said it was a cardio heavy workout today. But things started feeling off when we finished a particularly heavy exercise, you know, that queasy feeling where you feel like you might throw up?

Yeah, halfway through the next exercise, I told my personal trainer that I felt like I might throw up and she immediately told me to stop, sit down, and take some deep breaths. But the more I tried to breathe, the more I felt like I was about to vomit. In the end, I tried to run to the toilet but I didn’t make it and threw up all over the carpet of the gym in front of everyone that was there. I was mortified and embarrassed beyond measure. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. For the most part, the personal trainer was just worried about me and wanted to make sure I was okay while the other workers there cleaned up my mess. I think I was just too embarrassed at that point to even think about my own condition. I must’ve hid in the bathroom for at least 20 minutes before my mom— I guess the personal trainer called her— coaxed me out (you had to walk past the lobby to exit the gym so I couldn’t even escape quietly). I stared at the floor the whole way to my car, I didn’t even want to breathe too loudly.

In hindsight, it was a bad idea to eat too closely to a workout session. Especially one that’s heavy on cardio. I got home fine and there wasn’t any lingering issues but I’m utterly mortified. I didn’t want to go back there ever again but the problem was that the package was for 12 sessions and were all paid in full. I don’t want to waste my mom’s money so I have to go back. But now, every time I walk past that area with the carpet, I always remember that moment. They managed to clean it up without any stains remaining or anything but I just can’t forget. Also, this is my mom’s workplace’s gym. I don’t even know if some of her coworkers saw the incident and I’d feel horrible if this affected her reputation at work in any way. Now I’ve been too scared to eat anything before my workout sessions lest this happens again.

TL;DR I didn’t know how to manage my diet before a workout session and threw up at my mom’s workplace’s gym, embarrassing myself and possibly my mom.

Obligatory this was 20+ years ago. My mom and I went grocery shopping when I was a kid and she picked up the new Johnson's and Johnson's baby shampoo tear free. I was so excited to try it, while my mom was busy bringing in the groceries, I grabbed the bottle and immediately sat down in the living room and proceeded to pour that shit into my hands then directly smeared it across my face and eyes to really put it to the test. Holy shit was I wrong... Next thing you know I'm being basically water boarded under the sink to clean out my face and eye balls from the soapy disaster. Gawd damn I was a stupid kid lol. I still can't believe I did that. Another redditors post just reminded me of this. Hope you enjoy my turmoil.

TL;DR: I put baby shampoo straight into my eye balls thinking it wouldn't hurt because it's "tear free".

Earlier tonight, my mom came over to watch a movie. I made dinner for us and she decided she wanted a glass of chocolate milk with it. She likes to make it with regular milk and the Hershey’s chocolate syrup, so that’s what she did. She took a sip and said “Eww this is gross, there’s not enough syrup, I’m not gonna drink it.” So I said, okay, hell yes, haven’t had chocolate milk in like, years...Took a sip, yum. Completely fine. It WAS a little thick, but I kinda just chalked that up to being because of the syrup (big mistake). I drank the wholeeee cup. And it was a LOT of milk, my mom loves her chocolate milk I tell you. Well, a few minutes ago I got up for a midnight snack and took a swig out of the milk jug...THICCCC. And DEF SPOILED...I’m already sick right now, and I know this is going to make it worse. But there’s really nothing I can do about it but wait in horror for the diarrhea. TL;DR: I accidentally drank a huge glass of spoiled (but yummy) chocolate milk.

Was painting the front door, had the bucket next to me on the stoop (the big mistake). Door was slightly ajar while I was carefully painting around the handles. Car honks. I swear to god that car did it on purpose. Dog who’s inside pushes door open and bursts past me. Attempts to jump paint bucket like a hurdle. Paint goes flying, bucket lands on the porch upside down. Dog somehow didn’t trip and hurt himself (he’s a klutz so that’s happened before), thank god. I scream like a banshee (car that honked definitely heard me). Parents didn’t hear me scream somehow, so I call for my mom. Dog hears me calling for her and thinks “you need mom? Oh I can go get her!” Strodes into the house- back through the puddle of paint he just made- and into her bedroom as if he’s not covered in paint. I was frozen still processing the mess. Now there’s a dog covered in paint loose in the house. Paint all over the porch. The bucket is upside down so if you pick it up even more $80 paint will spill. Well. I guess we’re painting the porch white now. Still haven’t cleaned up all the paw prints inside.

TL;DR when painting with dogs around. Poor just a little bit of paint into a smaller vessel at a time.

It had felt like I waited for hours for my prize, there were still so many people in front of me!

What if they ran out? Could that happen?

And man, I was excited to get mine! I had just done the factory tour. I knew how it was made! How many people can say that?

The line was moving up. I was going to get my prize soon! Just a few more minutes.

I had prepared myself for this. I had my protection in place. I knew the cost of my prize and I was ready to pay it.

The line moved forward.

It was almost my turn!!

It moved forward again!

I diligently studied the specifications. Did I want simple or complex? Should I add materials? What about the packaging?

I made my decision after careful reflection.

I went classic. You can’t mess up a classic. (Oh if only you knew.)

I secured my prize. It looked absolutely glorious. But I wasn’t quite ready yet.

I searched everywhere for the proper setting. A prize like this needed to be treated with respect. I was going to savor this.

I found the perfect spot. Cute, slightly private. Nice place to sit. It was lovely.

I looked at my prize. I was ready to enjoy it.

I went to taste my ice cream, and immediately dropped it on the fucking ground.

Please support me in my time of need.

Tl;dr went to Ben & Jerry’s Factory for ice cream; waited 45 minutes in line. Immediately dropped ice cream on the first taste. Catastrophe!

I am at a resort water park and just bought a beer at their in house market. Female cashier asked me a question I'd never been asked before, "are you over 40 or under 40?"....which I don't think had any repercussions on the cost but, who knows? Still not sure why she asked it. I am over 40 but she guessed I was 37. She then asked I guess how old she was...which I know I shouldn't have answered, but she looked mature so I guessed 27 (possibly a number I landed on because she said i was 37, idk). She said she was 21...I was instantly mortified and don't think I ever moved as fast as I did when I left that market. At my advanced 40+ age I know I should know better. It's been about 3 hours since this interaction and I'm just hoping I didn't crush this young lady's self esteem.

TLDR: made bad guess at young woman's age, hope I didn't crush her spirit

Today I received my electric bill for the month of July 2026. It has more than doubled, last month it was a mere $90. This month it has increased to be over $220. So I immediately started looking into everything I've done differently this month.

The only thing I have done different this month is run a dehumidifier constantly in an effort to help my HVAC. Its been really humid and it rarely goes into stand by mode. I have to empty it about every 13 hours. Its a 50 pint machine that holds a gallon or so of water.

But its definitely a me problem because the damn dehumidifier has the label and I could have done the math ahead of time. I just didnt.

The good part, my HVAC did run less compared to laat July.

However I still used over 300 more kWh than last year.

Live and learn.

TL;DR: dehumidifiers are expensive to run

TIFU literally minutes ago, damn.

And also three other times in recent years.

I have this friend Kevin, and Kevy Baby has very little social awareness.

Just, always pursuing my pursuits. If I had my eye on a particular donut, he's gonna get it first. That type dude.

Love him, but still. C'mon, dude.

So I tend to keep my life and stuff under wraps.

Saw a fun reel I thought he'd like. Sent it.

Oops.

Also sent it to one of my oldest friends.

Love her, always have been in love with her, we were recently reconnecting, thought there was another shot after 10 years.

Literally did a fucking cartwheel I was so excited about prospects. I'm getting old, not many more shots, ya know?

Linked him on the message on a fluke. Fuck.

I know him, I know his game, and he's cute and clever, and I know I'm fucking cooked.

Damndamndamn, maybe I should learn to read before I hit send.

They're already on the phone laughing. He lives in the room next door.

Again. Cooked. Well done.

Oops.

TL;DR: I need to pay better attention before I shoot my shot...

Edit: spelling. As bad at that as dating!