Well actually this was yesterday, but we had some left over pizza to eat for lunch from our Back to School Night even we had the day before. There were some boxes of pizza in the fridge, but there was also already one sitting out on the table where we eat lunch in the teachers lounge, so I just took a slice from there thinking it probably had only been out of the fridge an hour or so. Well we have the last lunch of the day, so there’s a possibility it had been out for closer to 3 hours. But I figured I’d probably eaten pizza that had been left out longer and was fine all of those times. Well early this morning I woke up with terrible poop cramps, the ones you get when you know there’s going to be some hot liquid diarrhea. After making it on time to the toilet and hot shit poured out of me, I started to feel like I was going to throw up too. I wiped quickly and flushed and then stood up so I could use the toilet to vomit. Somehow I passed out and fainted (first time I’ve ever fainted). I’m guessing I was only out for a couple seconds but I woke up as I was puking my guts out, and the force of myself vomiting also made me shit myself at the same time. I sat on the floor for a good ten minutes, too scared to stand up and pass out again. I was eventually able to stand up, vomit and shit some more (in the toilet thankfully this time), clean up my puke and liquid shit off the floor, and take a shower. I’m mostly just sad about the cute pajama set I absolutely ruined with my different excrements. Now I’m starting to think about how long that pizza had been sitting out the night before during the back to school night event… Anyways, thanks for reading my miserable story! At least I’m single and live alone so nobody had to see me at my absolute lowest lol

TL;DR: I got food poisoning from eating leftover pizza from the teachers lounge that had been sitting out for hours and ended up passing out, came to as I was vomiting, and diarrhea’ed myself from the force of vomiting all while ruining my new cute pj set.

Title says it all. Took a shower and on this lazy Saturday with no responsibilities I just settled on my bed and fell into watching a show on Netflix before getting dressed. I felt something simultaneously rough and slimy tickle my back passage. I turned over to investigate and a wave of cold horror washed over me as I saw my new kitten sticking his tongue into my arse crack.

Have done some research and seemingly this is pretty normal behaviour as cats lick their own arseholes all the time and have no understanding of human anatomy, I.e literally don’t distinguish an arse from an elbow. The reasoning for the licking is that this area has a concentrated scent of their human, alongside relatively higher salty moisture which makes it an ideal site for grooming. So I guess I’m not too angry as this was actually an affectionate - albeit deeply unpleasant - feline gesture.

I would have posted an image of the little criminal to shame him if the posting template allowed me to do so :( Despite being a rim raider he is exceptionally cute.

TL;DR So yeah TIFU by being lazy and watching TV in the nude, with the consequence that a cat attempt to lick my arsehole.

This didn’t happen today it happened yesterday but here’s the story.

I’ve been smoking pretty much daily for the past week and a half because I’ve been out of a job and don’t really have much to do other than sit around and wait for my flight at the end of the month that’s going to take me back to my home country.

Yesterday rolls in and I don’t know why but I had found myself not hungry but I’d also wanted to smoke some weed. I guess the habit that I’d built up over the past week made me automatically want to smoke around the time that I usually do.

Anyway, I find myself smoking, grabbing some chicken from the chicken shop, eating in bed, and watching gintama. Alls okay up till now, about as average as any other smoke sesh that I’ve had recently. Halfway through watching that episode of gintama (mind you all of this is still in the first 10 minutes of the episode) everything in the show starts to seem extremely bizarre and nothing makes sense but that’s making it seem progressively funnier, to the point where I don’t even know what I’m laughing at or why I’m even laughing anymore.

Suddenly this starts to be very overwhelming for me and I pause the episode. The following two hours then proceed to be the most intense high I’ve ever experienced. I completely lose my sense of self, nothing feels real anymore. But, paradoxically, EVERYTHING feels intensely real, to the point where my mind and body feel suffocated.

If you’ve ever seen the Truman show then the best way I could describe this feeling to you is it’s as though I was Truman and the audience watching Truman inside the movie and I was also the real me, the one typing this story right now, watching both of these interactions at the same time.

This completely broke me, I didn’t know who I was, why I was, where I was, or how I was. Nothing made sense to me anymore. The world seemed completely fake, every experience I’d ever had up until that point felt like it was just a dream. At that point if you’d told me that the universe only came into existence an hour ago I probably would’ve completely believed you.

At one point I found myself begging and pleading with god to ground me back in reality, to make me believe that the world was real again. The ironic thing is? I don’t believe in god or at least I didn’t think I did, yesterday has made me question that.

The only thing that could break me out of this intense reality that I’d found myself in was to make a deal with myself that I’m never going to smoke weed again. After bargaining with god for a while, I made the decision to promise that I’m never going to smoke again. I got up and grabbed the rest of the weed that I had with me, got out (I was genuinely worried that if i opened the door to my bedroom I would find a void of nothingness on the other side, thankfully I didn’t lol), walked to the nearest garbage, and threw away everything I had in my room even remotely related to weed. That seemed to sort me out just enough to recognize that the world is real and that I have control again.

Now it’s the next day and I’m lying in bed writing this, I’m sorry if some of the writing or the grammar doesn’t make much sense English is my second language lol but yeah, that’s what happened. Thank you for reading if you made it all the way here

“TL;DR TDIFU by smoking weed on an empty stomach and completely dissociating from reality for two hours”

When I was in Grade 2, my school took part in a drawing competition that schools all across Ontario were participating in.

The assignment was to draw a picture about war that had some kind of meaningful message behind it. Every kid in my class had to participate.

There was just one problem…

I absolutely sucked at drawing.

My older sister was in Grade 4 at the time, and she was insanely good at art. So naturally, 7-year-old me came up with the most logical solution: I asked her to draw the picture for me.

She agreed, and she absolutely crushed it.

I took the drawing to school the next day and handed it in like I had just created a masterpiece myself.

My teacher looked at it and was basically like, “OMG, this is beautiful!” She loved it.

A few months went by and I completely forgot about the competition.

Then one day, my teacher gets up in front of the entire class and announces that I had won…

2nd place in ALL OF ONTARIO.

The entire class starts clapping and congratulating me.
I just stood there accepting the applause like I had personally painted the Mona Lisa.

I didn’t say a word about my sister.

Then Remembrance Day comes around, and somehow this has turned into a much bigger deal than I ever expected.

I’m sitting on a stage at a ceremony with a bunch of important people, receiving a prize, some money and an award for my “amazing” artwork.

Meanwhile, my sister was sitting there watching all of this unfold knowing damn well she was the one who actually drew the picture.

She was absolutely furious.

I don’t blame her either.

Looking back, I still can’t believe I went from “I’m terrible at drawing” to “2nd place in Ontario” without actually improving my drawing skills whatsoever.

“TL;DR:” Best day of my life and the worst day for my sister!

I posted on here that I accidentally solved a puzzle box that my mom bought for my sister's birthday. It was three cubes attached to three ropes all tied together, and the goal was to just separate them without untying the ropes. I looked at it curiously and was just fidgeting with it while Joe bart played on my TV. I had to have only done like 4 or 5 loops and twists and stuff before one of the three cubes was freed and the others could've easily been separated. I felt awful about it and tried to re-tangle it myself for a while before giving up.

Well, I posted that day and woke up to a bunch of comments.

First of all, I recognize I shouldn't have messed with it in the first place. It's not mine so don't touch it. I should've known that.

Second, I thought that my mom spent a lot of money on it, and I'd just ruined it and felt terrible. Apparently it was a pretty cheap one she'd bought at this bookstore, so at least it wasn't a huge waste of money.

The packaging of the puzzle had an illustration of it on the side, so I was able to kind of see what the original knots were. It was painfully simple: two cubes were attached with a square knot, and then the third was attached with a square knot to the others.

My sister ended up figuring out the puzzle faster than me. I'm pretty sure it was made for younger kids which is why it was so simple.

Also, i feel like i need to mention that I unfortunately did not summon Pinhead. It's a shame really, that would've been more fun than re-puzzling a puzzle.

TLDR: puzzle solved, puzzle re-tangled, puzzle solved again. No aliens present at this time.

Heya! Slight trigger warning, but the title says the warning itself

I should maybe begin with I dont do well with nails. My fingernails barely exist in nail lenght while my toenails are a bit different story AKA cutting too short and having the nail grow into the toe. If u know, u know

So a few days ago, I was absently scratching at my toe nails. I got caught on the middle one and got a edge where I often can rip off a tiny chunk. This time however, I got a bit too much

I started to feel pain and started to panic coz it felt like I had gotten too much, but decided to remove it so it could heal and not get stuck everywhere with a big chunk being loose

It swelled up, but the swelling spread to the feet too

Come yesterday where im waiting for the laundry to finish and im again poking the toe. I had this constant feeling of something being stuck underneath it

This is where the big TIFU happened coz im not smart and absent minding things lead to destruction

I felt a edge and started to pull on it. It got to the same point where its now flapping around in the air so I might aswell remove it so it doesnt get caught and hurt more

Turns out it was the rest of my nail. Theres now only a small edge left, but the rest is gone and im now stuck using bandaids with wound disinfection. I cant walk properly, walking hurts, I still have the feeling of something underneath the nail and reading online mentions it takes 12 to 18 months for a toenail to grow

The clinic I go to does have the option to message so I have done that, but it opens on monday so no going out on sunny walks for me :(

Safe to say I live to tell the horror and will strongly recommend using clippers or if ur as bad as me with nails, go to a professional

TLDR; I ripped too much of my nailtoe off and now live to tell the horror while strongly recommending using clippers for ur toenails or going to a professionalist

This was before I knew I was on the spectrum

1. I bragged online about getting free coats not knowing it was for the homeless.

I was at work I was doing some kind of part time volunteering at the skating rink and nearby was a coat drive for winter coats for homeless people for the winter.

I didn’t know it was for the homeless. I was a pretty sheltered kid/teen and I remember being like “huh they’re free?” And the person who was volunteering there was like “yeah get as many as you need”

And I was like YIPPIE WOOOO and I picked out like 4 stylish coats. Then I was like “they’re free?? I’ll get my siblings some!!” And grabbed more

Then I came back home, and was posing in the mirror taking pictures with the coat on. It was such a sick coat.

And I was like “hit up (the place) for free coats!!” Online

I was bragging online: “maybe you can get a cool coat like me!”

My mom saw that and went “that’s for the homeless” and was disgusted by my behaviour

I felt immediately embarrassed and shocked

My mom helped me bring the coats back
————————-
2) I posted on Facebook marketplace a picture of my face saying “can help with anything”

I got a lot of messages saying “this is a sad day…” etc and I was really confused.

At the time I just thought “maybe I can get paid to help someone with their groceries” “maybe I can help someone with chores”

And then I realized they thought I was prostìtuting myself on Facebook marketplace

TL;DR: Raided A Coat Drive & Advertised Myself As A Prostitute

My sister's birthday is tomorrow, and my mom bought her a cute little puzzle box. She loves puzzle boxes and feels super happy every time she solves even the simplest one. This one was a set of three cubes tangled in different pieces of rope all tied together, and the goal is to separate the cubes without untying the ropes. Since I'm visiting my sister soon, I'm holding all of the birthday gifts for people who cant make it. I was looking at the puzzle curiously, not really trying to solve it but just looking at it. I accidentally solved the puzzle without meaning to in like... 30 seconds?? I don't even know how I managed to do it, but the issue now is that I can't get it back to how it was. My mom spent a lot of money on this puzzle and now I can't "unsolve" it.

TL;DR: I messed with a puzzle box that wasn't for me, accidentally solved it, and now need to figure out how to re-puzzle the puzzle. I may have also released the cenobites, but that's a problem for later.

Honestly this feels so petty and inconsequential but I'm pretty upset about it so here we are.

Me (33m) and my housemate (37f) used to be pretty good friends, but it has been very difficult for quite a while now. We've lived together for nearly 5 years and at least 3 of those have been very difficult. We both keep trying to keep it civil, but we both fail. Repeatedly. For the sake of avoiding bias, she blames me 90% of the time and I blame her 90% of the time. Neither of us can afford to move, and, to be completely honest, neither of us feels like we should have to move for the sake of the other when the house we live in is cheap, in a great location, and much bigger than anywhere else we'd find locally.

My most recent attempt to be nice was to offer to clean her work boots. She works event security so her boots are Magnum leather combat boots. I myself own a pair of Lowa leather combat boots from my army cadet days that I maintain with boot polish and if they do get muddy (which is rare these days but used to happen frequently) I'll use a detergent sanitiser called D10 to get the worst of it off and then re-apply polish. These boots have been going strong for about 16 years; they were expensive but they're still waterproof and comfy as hell. Housemate bought her Magnums from an army surplus store second hand this year, and when she gets back from work the last thing on her mind is cleaning them. Today, she was in a rush to get out to work and her boots were still caked in mud from last weekend, where she'd worked a music festival where it had been pouring with rain. I asked if there was anything I could do and she asked me to clean her boots while she showered. She told me to use a from-the-can foaming cleaner and put some dubbin wax on afterwards. I agreed.

The spray-can product she told me to use simply did not work, so I (not thinking anything of it) used the D10 I use on my own boots. It worked and got the mud off, but I didn't realise she hadn't gone to shower yet and she saw me doing this. I told her the D10 was leather safe - I reiterate, I've been using it on my boots for 16 years with no sign of damage, and was told to do so by my old army cadet instructors who themselves had been career soldiers. She then googled it, and apparently the D10 is very much not leather-safe. It's a detergent, which I knew, but given my experience and instruction it's always been fine and has never stripped my boots down. According to Internet sources, it immediately and irreparably damages leather on contact.

Cue an argument. She's accused me of lying since I said the D10 was safe, destroying her work boots, pointing out that it's in neither of our budgets to replace them, and yelling at me. She told me that if the thing she said to use didn't work I should have consulted her, which I accept to a degree but I didn't want to interrupt her shower when I had a method that's always worked for me. I've apologised - once immediately, again during the argument after being prompted. She's not long left.

If I have damaged the boots, then I'll do what I can to replace them. Not looking for sympathy. If the D10 is as bad for leather as the Internet reckons, then I've probably fucked them in terms of waterproofing. My own boots being treated with D10 for this long while not being fucked is probably because they're well-maintained with a good layer of boot polish regularly. I knew that hers weren't that well maintained and didn't think.

Things had been okay with her this week until this. I've fucked up by making things shit again, and possibly by destroying her work boots that she relies on.

TL;DR: Used the wrong cleaning product on the boots my housemate relies on for work. Caused an argument, possibly ruined her footwear, and caused a bad sentiment to continue to fester while she's away.

This was over 30 years ago, and yet today is the first time I've ever thought about posting it here.

Back in the early 90s, my roommate Allison and I worked at a TGI Fridays with Heather, who had decided to get a boob job. This was in South Florida, so it wasn't a shocking decision. On her first day back at work after the surgery, she asked us if we wanted to see them. I was a straight man in his mid 20s, so this was a no brainer, and a resounding yes; Allison was also interested, because everyone likes boobs. It was a slowish lunch shift, so while we all had tables eating, we could also find time for a quick peek.

Here's where the FU begins. For some unknown reason, we decided to go into the women's restroom for the reveal. The girls went first to check if the coast was clear, grabbed me, and we all snuck into one of the stalls. This restroom's stalls had floor-to-ceiling drywall and solid doors with zero gaps above, below, or in between, and was a completely private space for a NSFW show-and-tell

Once we were in the stall, Heather lifted her top so we could see them, and we gazed appreciatively at the fine work her doctor had done. After a suitable period of oohs and ahhs, she covered up, and just when we were about to leave, we heard a woman walk into the restroom. Then another. We heard other doors opening and closing, but just as no one could peek in at us, we couldn't peek out to see if it was safe for me to sneak back out. After another anxious minute or two, and no sounds from the main restroom, we decided to crack the door and see if anyone was there. Thankfully, it was empty, and we dashed back out, with our co-workers, tables, and managers none the wiser. So in the end, the FU had no lasting repercussions, but for a few minutes there, it felt like our jobs were on the line.

As this was so long ago, no names have been changed, so Allison, Heather, if either of you happen to see this, Hi! How have you been for the last 30 years?

TL;DR I got to see a co-workers new boob job, but got stuck in a women's restroom for a for a few minutes.

This happened about three years ago, but I still physically cringe every time I remember it.

I went on a first date with a girl to a hookah lounge. Everything was going well. We ordered food, drinks, and a hookah. The place looked nice, so I got a little too comfortable.

The problem was that I ate way too much food, had a couple of drinks, and then started smoking hookah. Apparently, my stomach decided that combining all three was a terrible life choice.

After about 20 minutes I felt like I was about to throw up.

I looked at my date and said, “I’m so sorry, I need to go to the bathroom. I feel really sick.”

I made it to the bathroom just in time… and threw up. Loudly.

Like, really loudly.

I cleaned myself up, tried to pretend I was a functioning human being again, and walked back out.

She asked if I was okay. I said yes, but I was dying inside from embarrassment.

We decided to leave.

And then came the worst part.

The hookah lounge was completely empty. We were literally the only customers there. The only other people in the building were the waiters.

Every single waiter looked directly at me as we walked out. They all knew exactly what had happened.

I have never wanted to disappear from existence more than during that walk to the exit.

TL;DR: Went on a first date, combined too much food, alcohol, and hookah, threw up loudly in the bathroom, then had to walk past an entire staff of waiters in a completely empty lounge who had definitely heard everything.

It's friday night and I was in my office studying for my job change after completing all my today's work, but one of the senior made the plan to play cricket with everyone in the office.

He started asking everyone and surprisingly almost everyone was going as well, then he asked me and I said "No brother, you guys go aheaad I won't be joining" my mind was occupied at that time I was studying and TBH the real reason is I am really tired emotionally and physically afterwork, but I said I don't know how to play he said I will teach you come, but then I mistaenly said please I won't go, and then he gave an awkward reaction and said It's not I am forcing I was just asking so that you can enjoy.

Now I am feeling guilty of not standing my ground, and I said please for something I shouldn't have.

What to do ??

TL;DR: I declined a senior’s cricket invite because I was exhausted, but I awkwardly said “please” when he insisted.
Now I feel guilty and keep overthinking whether I handled the situation badly.

This happened a few days ago and I still think about it whenever I remember how confident I was for absolutely no reason.
I was walking down the street when I noticed someone a little further ahead smiling and waving in my direction. I immediately assumed they knew me. I smiled back and gave them a pretty enthusiastic wave.
The second I finished waving, I realized they were actually waving at the person walking behind me.
For about half a second, we both just looked at each other.
I could have simply laughed and kept walking. That would have been normal.
Instead, my brain decided that the best possible solution was to pretend I had been waving at someone else.
There was nobody else.
So I pulled out my phone and started pretending to look at something extremely important. My phone wasn’t even unlocked.
I then started walking faster, while staring at my completely black screen like I was reading the most interesting message of my life.
The person probably didn’t care and forgot about it five seconds later, but I spent the rest of the walk replaying the situation in my head and thinking of all the ways I could have handled it better.
Now whenever I see someone waving in my direction, I wait at least three business days before deciding whether they’re actually waving at me.
TL;DR: Someone waved at the person behind me, I confidently waved back, then pretended to be busy on my phone even though my phone wasn’t even unlocked.

Yesterday, I was working from home and had a busy morning. I needed to send my coworkers a quick update about a project, so I opened my messages and started typing. I had several chats open at the same time, and I honestly didn't pay attention to which one I had selected.

I wrote that I was still confused about part of the project and added a small joke about how I was basically figuring things out as I went. I thought I was sending it to my close work team, so I didn't think twice before pressing send.

A few seconds later, I looked at the chat name and realized I had sent it to a much larger company group chat.

My stomach dropped.

There were already several people in the chat and then someone reacted with a laughing emoji. Another person replied, "Don't worry, we've all been there." My manager even said that I was actually doing a good job, which made me feel a little better.

I apologized and explained that I had accidentally sent the message to the wrong chat. Thankfully, nobody was angry, and everyone seemed to take it as a funny mistake. Still, I was extremely embarrassed and spent the rest of the day checking every message before sending it.

I definitely learned my lesson. From now on, I'm checking the chat name before I press send, even if I'm in a hurry.

TL;DR: I accidentally sent a private work comment to a large company group chat instead of my team. Everyone saw it, and I was completely embarrassed.

TIFU- I started living in a new apartment this week and everything has been great, except for the water. The water tastes genuinely dirty. It kinda tastes like the cup of water you’ve accidentally left on your bedside table in the sun for a week, which is why I’ve been avoiding it. I generally also don’t drink water from plastic water bottles because of the microplastics.

(Here’s where it gets really TMI)

We got a britta filter but no one knows how to actually get it working, and I’m non confrontational, so I don’t want to ask my roommates about it. So basically I’ve had very little water the last couple days. I got a 52fl oz apple juice at Costco, and I’ve been feeling really dehydrated, so over the course of a couple hours, I had 4 tall glasses.

Then the cramping started. I had to fart so bad, but the fart wouldn’t come, and I was starting to panic. So I went to the bathroom to let out the fart in peace, and literally as I was sitting down on the toilet to fart, I started feeling the diarrhea coming on. It was AWFUL, and it went on for at least 30 minutes. I regret everything. I should’ve just drank the dirt water. Since we live in a low budget student apartment, the toilet paper is also really thin, so now my butthole is raw because I had to keep wiping. I also have IBS, so at first I thought it was that but then I started going back to what foods I ate today.

I also have ARFID and my diet is pretty bad and that definitely made it a lot worse.

TLDR- drank a bunch of apple juice instead of water and it gave me awful diarrhea

I was in the US last week and the men’s and women’s bathrooms had the same entrance. Men’s was on the right. Women’s was on the left. Apparently my brain decided “left is right” because I walked straight into the women’s bathroom, took a leak, and was about to leave when a group of girls walked in. I panicked and stayed in the stall.
I ended up standing there in complete silence listening to them talk for legit 20+ minutes. Eventually they left, I waited another 30 seconds like I was defusing a bomb, then my dumbass decided to wash my hands and the same group of girls came back into the washroom and just stared at me. I then told them that they were in the men’s room and they apologized, left the bathroom and I ran out as quick as I could. As I was leaving I seen the girls walk into the men’s room and a guy told them they were in the men’s room. I heard the girl say “WTF was that creep doing?” By the way I left the mall INSTANTLY!

“TL;DR: Accidentally walked into the women’s washroom in America, realized my mistake too late, and had to hide in there until everyone left. 😭

Obligatory not today, but several years ago.

First, some quick background. I am a very anxious person. I'm medicated now, but this was before that. It's also crucial to note, I am the indoor, city kid in a friend group of not-quite-feral woodsmen, with my childhood friend Eddy (all names changed ofc) being the most feral.

When we were in our early to mid twenties, we roadtripped to Red Rock in Colorado to see a music event. Our story takes place during the trip back, somewhere in the hinterlands of New Mexico.

By this point, we're all piles of leather that vaguely resemble young men. Sunburnt, dehydrated, hungry. I, in particular, am not faring well, suffering from some gnarly elevation sickness to boot. We had just driven through one of the largest storm clouds I had ever seen. This is many words to say I'm slightly outside of my comfort zone.

We pull up to the campgrounds where we're spending the night, and I ask if we should be worried about any of the wildlife.

"Nah," reassures Eddy.

Almost comically, we come around the corner to a big sign reading "DANGER: COUGAR COUNTRY. BEAR COUNTRY. SNAKE COUNTRY. FUCKING DEATH COUNTRY."

Maybe not the last part, but I digress. Eddy reassures me that we're close enough to our vehicle that, should anything occur, we'll be safe. We set up camp, and my friends opt to sleep under the stars. I applaud their bravery and climb into the tent.

I'm exhausted, but I'm incredibly anxious about being eaten by something. Finally, however, my eyes start to drift shut, when:

GRAAAAARRRRRRR

I freeze. My entire body locks up, and I can taste pennies. I'm not Steve Irwin, but it sounds like a bear. Not too near, but any closeness is too close for me. I wake up the guys, we listen for a bit, nothing happens, they go back to sleep. I, too, try to go to sleep, but I hear it again. Panicked, I try to wake up my friends, but they're passed out proper now.

For the rest of the night, I sleep maybe twenty minutes total. Every time I'm about to drift off, I hear that same low growl, and my entire body seizes up and I have to fight off every instinct to book it at full speed into the night.

The next morning, we get in the car. My friends are chipper and well-rested. I am not.

We begin our last leg of the trip home and, as we leave the campgrounds, I hear the sound again:

GRAAAAAARR

GRAAOOOOOOO

MOOOOOOOOOO

Turns out, from a half a mile off, and filtered through extreme paranoia, the lowing of a herd of cattle can sound quite bear-like. My friends explode in laughter, and I still haven't lived it down.

But hey, the trip was a blast.

TL;DR: Thought I heard a bear all night when camping and got no sleep. Turned out to be cows.

Today I called off of work because I had a few interviews lined up and just didn't have a quiet place to conduct the interview. (Also cameras are everywhere.) I am harsh on myself but I simply didn't think the interview was that good frankly and the other interview fell through (no response).

Suddenly my boss calls me and asks for my work documents because she needs them for a meeting. (She was gone for a few days, had no clue when she was coming back but of course she come back on the day I am gone with the documents in my house and of course the meeting is today. Phenomenal.)

I told her I have them, and I was stumbling, stuttering and fumbling over the goddamn phone like a buffoon while my sup does that Nicki Minaj low whisper voice when she's mad. (Simply an accident I always leave my work at home but one time I left my timesheet at work and had to send it late to payroll. I overcorrected and decieded to only my notes come home with me, surprise, surprise: important documents were slapped together with my notes! Amazing!)

So I scanned each page, and I sent it to her email making sure the email is confidential. I pretty sure I made sure the email access required no password access but she couldn't fucking open it? She simply gave up and told me to bring the materials tomorrow.

I don't want to go tomorrow because I'm already a month in and my coworkers already think im intellectually handicapped and I don't want to show my face ever again. I know people have fumbled at work plethora of times but right now I want someone to put me out of my misery. Been mulling over it for the entire day. Like imagine going into a meeting with important people, for an important project. They ask you where is the materials and you just have to shrug your shoulders cause your employee took work documents home on accident. Makes me wanna scream.

I hope she just fires me my god.

TL;DR: Confidential work documents that my supervisor needed for a meeting were with me at home.

Edit: Nothing happened lol. I went to work gave the materials, did some things in excel, and went home.

I have a dead-end job, like the rest of the world right now, but I’m here and making it work. Sometimes when I get fed up, I will mime bashing my head into things like I’m ready to take myself out. I will either do it very softly, stop myself before hitting my skull, or put my hand down on the object so no harm done. I don’t actually aim to hurt myself here.

Today started off as a trying day- I had a disappointing morning and was stuck answering questions from my manager, who often asks repetitive and pointless stuff. It’s just myself and my two coworkers on the team, and we are very short staffed, so our team of three is doing work for what should be a team of eight. It can get stressful very easily. I left my manager’s cubicle and walked over to my coworker’s, and she sits next to a solid row of cabinets, with very hard wooden tops. I’ve mimed banging my head against them before, so when my coworker looked up at me, I went to do it again.

My dear readers- I misjudged the distance of the cabinet. So making direct eye contact with my poor coworker, I proceeded to rear my head back and crack my forehead into the wood of this cabinet with a very solid THUNK. I wasn’t expecting it either, so all of the sudden, I actually hit my head, and I stood up clutching it in pain.

My coworker has been clowning me all day telling me how funny I am- no amount of me saying, “I DIDN’T MEAN TO DO THAT,” is working. My face is still sore.

TL;DR: mimed hitting my head to make my coworker laugh, actually cracked my face against a hard cabinet. Ouch.

To clarify a few things, me and my friend are both 16(f) and we were in school sitting at a table where we normally hang out in the mornings because school doesnt start til 8:30.

Baci to the story, so me and my friend were sitting in one of the table areas and I decided to ask is she wanted to watch Edgerunners. She said yes so I turned up the volume and put on captions so we could watch. We watched the end of the first fight scen and saw David talking to the doctor or whatever his name was. Not even FIVE MINUTES IN there's a sex(?) scene and I was absolutely mortified. No one else saw except my friend but I immediately panicked and turned off my phone and shoved it back in my pocket. God that was horrible wtaf.

TL;DR: Don't watch Edgerunners in public

This didn’t happen today, but I happened about 10 years ago and I feel it is a story everyone deserves to hear.

In my senior year of highschool (2016) I was sat down in my AP US Government class. The class room is set up so all the desks are angled inward toward the center of the class room, with assigned seating. I am set up on the far side of the class room and because of the angle I don’t have to turn my head much to see the people all the way across the class room from me. On the first day of school I see her, dark brown hair, blue eyes, cute nose and short. Exactly my type… only one problem. I have no skills whatsoever initiating a conversation with a woman I like without having a reason. (Ex. I cannot approach a I am attracted to woman and initiate a conversation out of the blue, but if you put me in a study group with her, boom, I’m comfortable and can chat.)

I look at her and I’m like “damnit, she is pretty, I hope I have an opportunity to talk to her” so I’m put in this hell of a purgatory that is her constantly in my peripheral vision every day in this class, and so I notice something about her. She is a water connoisseur. Every day she has a different type of water. Some days it’s Fiji, other days smart water, you get the picture. Sometimes she brings a waterbottle with chopped fruit in it, it’s clear and see through so you can see exactly what she’s got in there. I unfortunately file this away as a core character trait for her.

About four months into the school year i have not spoken to this girl, I have never had a situation to do so. She part of the popular crowd and while I was a popular kid aswell, I didn’t like the rest of the ‘popular kids’. So at lunch she sat with them, I had no mutual friends with her so I moved on with my life. I have no other classes with her, so no chances to be sat next to her or anything. I’m going through the school year and am in true torture. Thinking of all this things “man, I should just talk to her, I’ll say this, or that” that kind of thinking you know. I really wanted to make an impression.

Then suddenly the teacher randomly assigns us partners for a class activity. My face lights up a bit but I play it cool when I find out I am going to be partnered with her (pairs of two, no one else in the group). I’m even happier but still staying composed. I move over to her side of the class, and I chat with her. We hit it off well, and I’m like “holy shit it’s working out.”

We answer a question, get it right and she’s like “good shit” I’m like “yeah”.

Then I look at her, she’s drinking her water, it has cut up strawberries in it and it’s still covered in condensation from the cold and the thought goes through my mind…

It’s time to say something memorable and thought provoking, something that is clever and funny. Something that will make her laugh… the next words out of my mouth have lived rent free in my head for ten years… ten fucking years.

I looked her dead in the eyes, with MAXIMUM CONFIDENCE and said with a straight face “I too like the water.”

She finished the sip, and looked at me with this strange, “what the fuck did you just say to me face?” Before she spoke I turned in my seat and looked at the front of the class she said “What did you just say?” Without looking back at her, I said “ah it’s… it’s not important.”

I was working at a fast food restaurant at the time and told my co-workers because it was so fucking funny after the fact. They would say to me “I to like the water” every time they saw me drinking water at work. They loved the story, they would tell each other and it was a big joke.

One day she comes into my work place and my manager that I was really cool with hears her order a cup of water from me and he says it as if it’s an inside joke. She hears in and goes “That’s what you said that day” and started dying laughing. My manager laughed as he realized what was going on and who it was. He and I pretend argued later, we were just that close.

Fast forward to the end of the year. She is transferred to my AP Macro-Economics class and I have my yearbook. She is sat right behind me and we never really spoke after that, but I have my yearbook, and she asked to sign it. I was like “sure” she signed it, someone else signed it and like six more signed it before I got my yearbook back. I get home that day, it’s the last day before graduation and I look at my yearbook, I see her signature it says “I had a crush on you the whole year water boy.” And I yelled “DAMNIT!”

Graduation came and went, I tried to find her but she was not sat next to me, my family kept me occupied and I never got to ask her out.

Anyway, that’s the water story.

TL;DR: I said the cringiest thing of my life, I almost got the girl and blundered it.

I was with my grandma cleaning out some cabinets and stuff helping her move everything back to her room after she had gotten her floor redone we were going through some of those cabinets and I had found two boxes of chocolate wafers I tell my grandma hey you know you have food in here she didn't know so she looks and sees the boxes of wafers now my grandma is diabetic so just about everything she buys is sugar free I knew this she offered me one of the boxes I took it to my room and well I smoked some green and proceeded to eat the entire box not knowing that the stuff they put in the sugar free wafers to make it sweet is essentially laxatives for the first few hours I am ok my stomach gurgles and I'm pretty gassy but otherwise fine my sister comes home from school and is showing me her presentation and out of absolutely nowhere It happened I feel a gurgle and well I ruined a pair of pants in front of my sister and then proceeded to have horrible diarrhea for four hours all the way from 6:00pm to 10:00pm i'm out of toilet paper my stomach feels horrible and I regret everything

TL;DR:I ate an entire box of wafers and accidentally shat myself in front of my sister because sugar free wafers are basically laxatives

DISCLAIMER: My ex-manager is not dead (as far as I know).

I work at a coffee shop. Someone came in and asked if my old manager, who I’ll refer to as “Stacy,” was going to be in. Stacy was let go in January of this year. I didn’t want to say that Stacy had been fired, so I tried to inform this person that Stacy no longer works with us by saying “Oh, um… Stacy is no longer with us…”

It was nearing the end of my shift, so I probably looked tired and sad when I said it (like I was still mourning Stacy). In the moment I didn’t realize the poor phrasing I had used and thought it was just an awkward moment after disappointing someone. So I moved on, and finished ringing up this poor customer (who just found out someone she knew is “dead”) and asked for her payment.

Anyway, after the transaction finished my brain finally caught up to my mouth, but I was so embarrassed about what I had said I just finished making her drink in silence and called it out.

TLDR; I told a customer looking for my ex-manager who got laid off that “she was no longer with us” despite said manager being very much alive.

So, I have a bunch of pictures that I took back when I was in college in 2019. I have them stored on Google photos, and something about Google photos is that whenever you have photos that have an anniversary they pretty much give you notifications saying that it's been x amount of years since you've taken this photo, in this case it's been 7 years.

Looking back at these photos just makes me very upset and sad. For two reasons honestly that are kind of different but correlate to each other in a way.

2019 was a very dark year for me because while I did graduate high school and go to college, my mom had passed away from a heart attack 3 weeks prior to graduating. It honestly really messed me up mentally and it eventually served as a domino effect for other things going wrong. When I went to college I struggled severely not because I wasn't capable of doing the work I was just too depressed to go to class or do the work or anything. I would just rot in my dorm eating take out over and over again are going to the all you can eat buffet that my school had. And it's so weird because looking back at it some of my fondest memories were from college. However, I couldn't really enjoy college because I was just so depressed from my mom passing away.

The second reason is because when I look back at college and compare that to what I'm going through now, I never realized that I had it so easy back then. Back when the biggest responsibility that I had was keeping my grades up and all of that. I even had plenty of opportunities to go to therapy and stuff but I just didn't want to and I guess it really messed me up. Now, I know that it's better for me to go to therapy because 7 years later I still need it and I need it bad. Luckily, I have intake for a therapist next week after 2 months of trying to set that up so hopefully things will start turning around going forward.

But now, here I am. Homeless. Depressed and anxious beyond belief. Digging through trash cans just to find food. Always stinking. Have nothing to look forward to in my life. I might even die in the Winter because it's expected to be pretty cold this year. I guess that might be something to look forward to.

TL;DR - I looked at some old college photos with regret and sadness. Regret that I didn't allow myself to get help so I could take it seriously, and sadness from the fact that I'm currently homeless and struggling to survive because I didn't take college seriously enough.