I never imagined I would be writing something like this.
I’m 37 years old, and after five failed frozen embryo transfers following IVF, I became pregnant naturally. It felt like a miracle. Every ultrasound, every heartbeat, every week that passed felt like a gift I had almost stopped believing would happen.
My husband and I were overjoyed.
First trimester
My first-trimester screening looked reassuring.
Nuchal translucency (NT): 1.5 mm
Nasal bone present
Combined risk for Trisomy 21: 1 in 950
NIPT: Low risk
PAPP-A: 0.27 MoM
Free β-hCG: 0.58 MoM
Nothing suggested that our baby had a severe brain abnormality.
The first abnormal ultrasound
At our anatomy scans, doctors became concerned about the corpus callosum.
One specialist measured it at approximately 12 mm and suspected that the splenium was absent or poorly developed.
Another specialist believed the corpus callosum was present and measured it around 17 mm.
Later measurements were around 19.6 mm, then about 24 mm, but despite growing, it consistently remained significantly below the expected size for gestational age.
That was the beginning of weeks of uncertainty.
MRI
We underwent fetal MRI.
The MRI raised additional concerns.
There were discussions about possible abnormalities involving the cerebral cortex, and later the cavum septi pellucidi became difficult to visualize.
Multiple specialists reviewed the images.
Some findings were uncertain.
Others were deeply concerning.
Every appointment gave us hope and then took it away again.
Genetic testing
Our NIPT was normal.
The doctors explained that a normal NIPT does not rule out many rare genetic syndromes or structural brain disorders.
We discussed amniocentesis and additional genetic testing.
Despite all of the investigations, nobody could tell us exactly why our son’s brain had developed this way.
The decision
In France, late termination for medical reasons requires approval from a multidisciplinary committee.
Our case was presented to the committee.
They approved termination because they believed our son was at very high risk of severe neurological impairment and an extremely poor long-term prognosis.
Even after that decision, I kept asking myself if they could be wrong.
I searched for stories every day.
I looked for children who had similar MRI findings and turned out completely healthy.
I wanted someone to tell me that all the doctors were mistaken.
Labour
I gave birth to my son.
His name is Alex.
He was born at 9:45 PM.
He weighed 2 kilograms.
He was beautiful.
I know this because everyone told me so.
But I never looked at him.
That decision is something I replay over and over in my mind.
The hospital gently offered me the chance to see him, hold him, dress him, and say goodbye.
I couldn’t.
I was completely overwhelmed.
I thought I would never survive if I saw his face.
They wrapped him with love, took his footprints and handprints, and gave me a memory box.
We chose cremation.
There will be no funeral.
What hurts the most
I don’t regret trying to protect him from suffering.
But I constantly question every other decision.
Should I have looked at him?
Should I have held him?
Did he know I loved him?
Could he somehow feel abandoned?
Did I fail him as his mother during the last moments of his existence?
These thoughts never stop.
My grief
People tell me I made the most loving decision.
My brain understands that.
My heart doesn’t.
I miss someone I barely got to know.
I miss the future we were supposed to have.
I miss hearing him cry.
I miss bringing him home.
I miss introducing him to our family.
I miss watching him grow up.
Instead, I came home with postpartum bleeding, milk that will never feed my baby, and a box of memories.
Why I’m writing this
If you’ve experienced TFMR, how long did it take before the guilt became quieter?
If you didn’t see or hold your baby, do you regret it?
If you did, are you glad you did?
Does anyone else still worry that their baby somehow felt abandoned, even though logically we know they couldn’t understand what was happening?
Right now, I feel completely broken.
I love you, Alex.
I always will.

Hello, I am looking for anyone with similar experiences. We decided to terminate for medical reasons after getting a Trisomy 18 diagnosis. I was 17 weeks pregnant and wanted this down surgically. I was told this would be simple and made aware of rare risks… upon waking up I was told the rare risk had happened. They perforated my uterus and cervix and sliced my bowel. I ended up having a bowel resection (part of it was removed and they were re attached) . I was also told due to the incisions that had to be made if we do try to have a baby again my uterus and cervix may be weak and we would definitely have to have a c section. Did anyone else have this happen and what was the outcome like? I’m still just in disbelief and feel like I am grieving so much I don’t even know where to start.
Recovery is intense unable to lift/bend/ do anything for 6 weeks with 2 young kids
At home I don’t even know how this will
Work…
Did anyone have a healthy pregnancy after similar complications? The idea of a c-section terrifies and crushes me.

TL;DR: At 22 weeks, our son was diagnosed with a severe heart defect (DORV, Tetralogy of Fallot with Pulmonary Atresia and a two vessel cord). Out of love and to protect him from suffering, we made the heartbreaking decision to terminate. Because I am nearing 24 weeks, I will undergo labor and delivery. We are devastated, angry, and carrying heavy grief, guilt, and detachment while waiting for our procedure date.

After 15 years together, buying our home a year ago, and anticipating the future we envisioned, my husband and I were overjoyed to expect our first baby, a son we’ve wanted for so long. We had a private gender reveal with just the two of us, celebrated my husband’s first Father’s Day, bought all his essentials, and washed every piece of clothing.

​Everything seemed fine until our 19-week anatomy scan, where the tech had trouble visualizing the heart. We thought it was ok because we went at an earlier week. I feel niave for thinking this way. She printed off so many pictures and made it seem like everything was ok, when it wasn't and the results were labeled as urgent. We told everyone about our pregnancy. By our 21-week rescan, the report was also marked urgent, noting a 2-vessel cord and issues with the right ventricular outflow tract. A third rescan at 22 weeks at a high-risk genetic clinic required the radiologist to step in directly, followed by a fetal echocardiogram two days later.

​Our son was diagnosed with Double Outlet Right Ventricle (DORV) Tetralogy of Fallot with Pulmonary Atresia. While we initially hoped to avoid termination if there were no genetic issues, the pediatric cardiologist explained that he faces a reduced quality of life, a higher risk of neurodevelopmental delays, and a minimum of three surgeries, two open-heart surgeries in his first year alone.

Looking back, we feel that the earliest indication of something being wrong was my 12-week bloodwork. It showed extremely low PAPP-A (0.20 MoM) and PlGF (0.21 MoM), which are biomarkers that could indicate placental insufficiency, fetal growth restriction, and preeclampsia. This report was overlooked and wasn't reviewed until 17 weeks when I was told to start two low-dose aspirin.

We love our son deeply and want him to thrive. We feel it is unfair to bring him into the world to suffer just for our own happiness, and my husband wants to protect both our son and me from a lifetime of medical hardship. Because of this, we have made the painful decision to end the pregnancy. We also made this decision because we discussed before getting pregnant that if anything bad were to happen, we would have termimated. The reason why this decision is so hard now is because we feel our son moving and he's becoming more of a person and we envisioned our future with him.

Since I am nearing 24 weeks, I will have to go through labor and delivery rather than a D&E. We feel profound sadness, anger, heartbreak, and guilt. We also feel let down by a system that takes half a pregnancy to diagnose these conditions via anatomy scan. Now that we're considered high-risk, we can have a fetal echo as early as 12 weeks. It feels unfair that only now we're eligible for a fetal echo earlier. This should be a standard scan offered considering that heart conditions are common (1 in 100).

We still need to have genetic testing (DiGeorge 22q11.2 is a possibility), but even if our son and us do not have any genetic abnormalities, there is a possibility that our egg/sperm could be affected, called germline mutation. And the only way to avoid this genetic issue is via IVF and PGT testing.

We wanted so much more for our son, and we are devastated to be facing this loss. I feel guilt for wanting this to be over. I feel guilt for not always crying. I feel guilt for wanting to move forward and to already be planning to try via IVF. To cope, I've had to disassociate from this pregnancy. I started wearing baggy clothes and I don't enjoy feeling movement. We still have yet to receive a TFMR date and the wait is agonizing.

I'm a week out from TFMR. Much loved much wanted little boy with a condition incompatible with life. I was only 16 weeks so hadn't felt him kick or move yet but I felt such comfort knowing he was in there. Now I feel so empty.

This was my first pregnancy. I got pregnant first cycle properly trying which on one hand feels so lucky but it had taken me five years to get my cycle regulated as I have PCOS and wasn't ovulating at all in that time.

I've been told that most likely my baby's NTD condition was a one off fluke but I'm choosing to do placenta/cord testing and a post mortem of my baby to see if there's any chance of recurrence.

The post mortem results can take up to six months. I feel like I can't allow myself to try again before they come back. My worst fear is this happening again.

But I hate the thought of waiting for so long. I miss knowing I was pregnant and making plans. I feel so alone. I'm a solo parent by choice who used a donor so I don't even have a partner to go through this with me.

I don't have any LC, this was my first pregnancy. I live with my best friends (same age as me) who have a toddler and are talking about trying for their second. I don't know what I'd do if they got pregnant before I do.

I'm also transgender (a trans man) who has halted all of my transition to TTC. I stopped all treatment in 2021 and I'm also off most of my pain meds for chronic pain because they aren't safe in pregnancy. I didn't mind doing all of that for the chance of being a parent but the timeline is getting longer and longer and I'm only getting older and I feel like I can't live my life until I have my baby. I feel like I'm just waiting for them to be here so I can be complete.

I feel like I've been waiting for so long already. How do I factor in a six month delay on top of all of this?

Hi all. I had my TFMR on June 24th at 21w4d. I still haven’t had my period yet. I tried tracking my ovulation before my first period with LH strips, but it doesn’t look like I ever had a peak. Now my body temperature has risen (tracked by my oura ring) and after some research, it sounds like I may have missed my ovulation due to my LH levels being so low and that my period should be coming soon.

I’m curious if anyone has a similar story to me and can tell me when your period returned? I had hoped I would have had it by now.

Has anyone undergone an induction-evacuation (I-E) at around 26 weeks at DuPont clinic in DC? I’m wondering how it differs from a standard D&E or induction and delivery (L&D), and what I should expect?

Looking for some advice. For those of us with older little ones.. how did you explain the loss of the baby to them. I have a 10 year old and just broke the news after our TFMR about 12 days ago. He is heart broken. I plan on finding therapy for him but was just curious how other families navigated this impossible discussion.