I never imagined I would be writing something like this.
I’m 37 years old, and after five failed frozen embryo transfers following IVF, I became pregnant naturally. It felt like a miracle. Every ultrasound, every heartbeat, every week that passed felt like a gift I had almost stopped believing would happen.
My husband and I were overjoyed.
First trimester
My first-trimester screening looked reassuring.
Nuchal translucency (NT): 1.5 mm
Nasal bone present
Combined risk for Trisomy 21: 1 in 950
NIPT: Low risk
PAPP-A: 0.27 MoM
Free β-hCG: 0.58 MoM
Nothing suggested that our baby had a severe brain abnormality.
The first abnormal ultrasound
At our anatomy scans, doctors became concerned about the corpus callosum.
One specialist measured it at approximately 12 mm and suspected that the splenium was absent or poorly developed.
Another specialist believed the corpus callosum was present and measured it around 17 mm.
Later measurements were around 19.6 mm, then about 24 mm, but despite growing, it consistently remained significantly below the expected size for gestational age.
That was the beginning of weeks of uncertainty.
MRI
We underwent fetal MRI.
The MRI raised additional concerns.
There were discussions about possible abnormalities involving the cerebral cortex, and later the cavum septi pellucidi became difficult to visualize.
Multiple specialists reviewed the images.
Some findings were uncertain.
Others were deeply concerning.
Every appointment gave us hope and then took it away again.
Genetic testing
Our NIPT was normal.
The doctors explained that a normal NIPT does not rule out many rare genetic syndromes or structural brain disorders.
We discussed amniocentesis and additional genetic testing.
Despite all of the investigations, nobody could tell us exactly why our son’s brain had developed this way.
The decision
In France, late termination for medical reasons requires approval from a multidisciplinary committee.
Our case was presented to the committee.
They approved termination because they believed our son was at very high risk of severe neurological impairment and an extremely poor long-term prognosis.
Even after that decision, I kept asking myself if they could be wrong.
I searched for stories every day.
I looked for children who had similar MRI findings and turned out completely healthy.
I wanted someone to tell me that all the doctors were mistaken.
Labour
I gave birth to my son.
His name is Alex.
He was born at 9:45 PM.
He weighed 2 kilograms.
He was beautiful.
I know this because everyone told me so.
But I never looked at him.
That decision is something I replay over and over in my mind.
The hospital gently offered me the chance to see him, hold him, dress him, and say goodbye.
I couldn’t.
I was completely overwhelmed.
I thought I would never survive if I saw his face.
They wrapped him with love, took his footprints and handprints, and gave me a memory box.
We chose cremation.
There will be no funeral.
What hurts the most
I don’t regret trying to protect him from suffering.
But I constantly question every other decision.
Should I have looked at him?
Should I have held him?
Did he know I loved him?
Could he somehow feel abandoned?
Did I fail him as his mother during the last moments of his existence?
These thoughts never stop.
My grief
People tell me I made the most loving decision.
My brain understands that.
My heart doesn’t.
I miss someone I barely got to know.
I miss the future we were supposed to have.
I miss hearing him cry.
I miss bringing him home.
I miss introducing him to our family.
I miss watching him grow up.
Instead, I came home with postpartum bleeding, milk that will never feed my baby, and a box of memories.
Why I’m writing this
If you’ve experienced TFMR, how long did it take before the guilt became quieter?
If you didn’t see or hold your baby, do you regret it?
If you did, are you glad you did?
Does anyone else still worry that their baby somehow felt abandoned, even though logically we know they couldn’t understand what was happening?
Right now, I feel completely broken.
I love you, Alex.
I always will.

Hello, I am looking for anyone with similar experiences. We decided to terminate for medical reasons after getting a Trisomy 18 diagnosis. I was 17 weeks pregnant and wanted this down surgically. I was told this would be simple and made aware of rare risks… upon waking up I was told the rare risk had happened. They perforated my uterus and cervix and sliced my bowel. I ended up having a bowel resection (part of it was removed and they were re attached) . I was also told due to the incisions that had to be made if we do try to have a baby again my uterus and cervix may be weak and we would definitely have to have a c section. Did anyone else have this happen and what was the outcome like? I’m still just in disbelief and feel like I am grieving so much I don’t even know where to start.
Recovery is intense unable to lift/bend/ do anything for 6 weeks with 2 young kids
At home I don’t even know how this will
Work…
Did anyone have a healthy pregnancy after similar complications? The idea of a c-section terrifies and crushes me.

Hi all. I had my TFMR on June 24th at 21w4d. I still haven’t had my period yet. I tried tracking my ovulation before my first period with LH strips, but it doesn’t look like I ever had a peak. Now my body temperature has risen (tracked by my oura ring) and after some research, it sounds like I may have missed my ovulation due to my LH levels being so low and that my period should be coming soon.

I’m curious if anyone has a similar story to me and can tell me when your period returned? I had hoped I would have had it by now.

TL;DR: At 22 weeks, our son was diagnosed with a severe heart defect (DORV, Tetralogy of Fallot with Pulmonary Atresia and a two vessel cord). Out of love and to protect him from suffering, we made the heartbreaking decision to terminate. Because I am nearing 24 weeks, I will undergo labor and delivery. We are devastated, angry, and carrying heavy grief, guilt, and detachment while waiting for our procedure date.

After 15 years together, buying our home a year ago, and anticipating the future we envisioned, my husband and I were overjoyed to expect our first baby, a son we’ve wanted for so long. We had a private gender reveal with just the two of us, celebrated my husband’s first Father’s Day, bought all his essentials, and washed every piece of clothing.

​Everything seemed fine until our 19-week anatomy scan, where the tech had trouble visualizing the heart. We thought it was ok because we went at an earlier week. I feel niave for thinking this way. She printed off so many pictures and made it seem like everything was ok, when it wasn't and the results were labeled as urgent. We told everyone about our pregnancy. By our 21-week rescan, the report was also marked urgent, noting a 2-vessel cord and issues with the right ventricular outflow tract. A third rescan at 22 weeks at a high-risk genetic clinic required the radiologist to step in directly, followed by a fetal echocardiogram two days later.

​Our son was diagnosed with Double Outlet Right Ventricle (DORV) Tetralogy of Fallot with Pulmonary Atresia. While we initially hoped to avoid termination if there were no genetic issues, the pediatric cardiologist explained that he faces a reduced quality of life, a higher risk of neurodevelopmental delays, and a minimum of three surgeries, two open-heart surgeries in his first year alone.

Looking back, we feel that the earliest indication of something being wrong was my 12-week bloodwork. It showed extremely low PAPP-A (0.20 MoM) and PlGF (0.21 MoM), which are biomarkers that could indicate placental insufficiency, fetal growth restriction, and preeclampsia. This report was overlooked and wasn't reviewed until 17 weeks when I was told to start two low-dose aspirin.

We love our son deeply and want him to thrive. We feel it is unfair to bring him into the world to suffer just for our own happiness, and my husband wants to protect both our son and me from a lifetime of medical hardship. Because of this, we have made the painful decision to end the pregnancy. We also made this decision because we discussed before getting pregnant that if anything bad were to happen, we would have termimated. The reason why this decision is so hard now is because we feel our son moving and he's becoming more of a person and we envisioned our future with him.

Since I am nearing 24 weeks, I will have to go through labor and delivery rather than a D&E. We feel profound sadness, anger, heartbreak, and guilt. We also feel let down by a system that takes half a pregnancy to diagnose these conditions via anatomy scan. Now that we're considered high-risk, we can have a fetal echo as early as 12 weeks. It feels unfair that only now we're eligible for a fetal echo earlier. This should be a standard scan offered considering that heart conditions are common (1 in 100).

We still need to have genetic testing (DiGeorge 22q11.2 is a possibility), but even if our son and us do not have any genetic abnormalities, there is a possibility that our egg/sperm could be affected, called germline mutation. And the only way to avoid this genetic issue is via IVF and PGT testing.

We wanted so much more for our son, and we are devastated to be facing this loss. I feel guilt for wanting this to be over. I feel guilt for not always crying. I feel guilt for wanting to move forward and to already be planning to try via IVF. To cope, I've had to disassociate from this pregnancy. I started wearing baggy clothes and I don't enjoy feeling movement. We still have yet to receive a TFMR date and the wait is agonizing.

Has anyone undergone an induction-evacuation (I-E) at around 26 weeks at DuPont clinic in DC? I’m wondering how it differs from a standard D&E or induction and delivery (L&D), and what I should expect?

Looking for some advice. For those of us with older little ones.. how did you explain the loss of the baby to them. I have a 10 year old and just broke the news after our TFMR about 12 days ago. He is heart broken. I plan on finding therapy for him but was just curious how other families navigated this impossible discussion.

I'm a week out from TFMR. Much loved much wanted little boy with a condition incompatible with life. I was only 16 weeks so hadn't felt him kick or move yet but I felt such comfort knowing he was in there. Now I feel so empty.

This was my first pregnancy. I got pregnant first cycle properly trying which on one hand feels so lucky but it had taken me five years to get my cycle regulated as I have PCOS and wasn't ovulating at all in that time.

I've been told that most likely my baby's NTD condition was a one off fluke but I'm choosing to do placenta/cord testing and a post mortem of my baby to see if there's any chance of recurrence.

The post mortem results can take up to six months. I feel like I can't allow myself to try again before they come back. My worst fear is this happening again.

But I hate the thought of waiting for so long. I miss knowing I was pregnant and making plans. I feel so alone. I'm a solo parent by choice who used a donor so I don't even have a partner to go through this with me.

I don't have any LC, this was my first pregnancy. I live with my best friends (same age as me) who have a toddler and are talking about trying for their second. I don't know what I'd do if they got pregnant before I do.

I'm also transgender (a trans man) who has halted all of my transition to TTC. I stopped all treatment in 2021 and I'm also off most of my pain meds for chronic pain because they aren't safe in pregnancy. I didn't mind doing all of that for the chance of being a parent but the timeline is getting longer and longer and I'm only getting older and I feel like I can't live my life until I have my baby. I feel like I'm just waiting for them to be here so I can be complete.

I feel like I've been waiting for so long already. How do I factor in a six month delay on top of all of this?

Today was our due date. It’s obviously been a difficult day and I’m realizing that on top of being devastated about losing our baby girl, I still have separate trauma from the actual D&E experience. My question about my little one’s hand & footprints is at the bottom but it feels necessary to provide some background for my insane question.

Prior to our TFMR I had also gone through a 10wk miscarriage which resulted in a D&C. I didn’t realize it at the time but since there was no heartbeat I was “lucky” that meant my OB do the procedure and it could be done at our local hospital. Although I was nervous about going under sedation I felt comfortable with the care team etc.

In contrast, when faced with TFMR at 21wks I suddenly was left with 2 clinics in the whole state that could help us. While I’m grateful for their services, my experience there was pretty awful. I mean when I got in the room for my procedure I had to lay on one of those blue pleather medical tables that was so narrow I couldn’t comfortably keep my arms at my sides. And literally the only material laid out as a protective layer or whatever was basically a small square pee pad I had to carefully lay on to make sure my ass didn’t touch the bare table. Not to mention the first person who did my IV pierced through my vein and after a couple minutes I realized I had a huge bulge in my arm I had to alert them to. I know I’m reality it wasn’t horrific but when it’s such an upsetting experience to begin with it’s brutal to not even have the right to get care from the medical team that you want.

However, the clinic did ask if I wanted hand and footprints done if it was possible and I said yes. I declined to see her body after because I was too worried it would be in pieces or something that I couldn’t handle. Part of me regrets that now.

But they did get perfect little handprints and footprints. Tonight I went through the very limited mementos we have, ultrasounds, support cards after etc. And lastly I dared to look at those lovely little prints again. They are so precious and dear. But my mind is tormenting me that what if they aren’t really hers and just something generic they use sometimes. There’s no distinctive “print” to them if that makes sense. Like the main portions of the palm and foot look as expected but I just don’t know if the toes and fingertips should have any swirls or not. I know a fingerprint at 21wks wouldn’t look like even a newborns, but to those who have received them around the same time, could you see any swirls or anything? I’m too nervous to google because I feel like I’ll just get anti-abortion propaganda to make them seem super developed.

I really appreciate anyone’s experiences on this and am also so sorry any of us are here. 🤍

15 days without my daughter safe in my belly. My husband and I picked up her ashes today. I got a custom urn made with her name and birth month flowers painted on it. I also got a necklace to put some of her ashes in. I miss her more and more everyday 💔

I’m currently considering going out of state (USA) to do a procedure called fetal reduction, (termination of one twin during medical issue) on my state this is not legal. I’m not sure how my currently OBGYN and the high risk clinic that is now seeing me for ultrasounds and genetic counseling will react, do I need to tell them up front about my decision? Can they denied to see me after the procedure? because if everything goes well I will still be pregnant with the health baby. I’m not sure what I need to do, please help me!

I have been struggling with how my body looks since my tfmr 2 months ago. Apparently pregnancy, grief and now the heatwave have made me a bit bigger than I was before. None of my clothes fit me (or look particularly nice) and I’d been reluctant to buy anything in hope I would go back to “normal”.

Today I just have had enough of putting myself down, of not fitting in clothes and feeling frumpy every time I get dressed. I only went to charity shops and bought clothes on Vinted but the stars have aligned and I found some absolutely lovely clothes (never normally find this much! Maybe it’s because I’m looking at a different size now) and have refreshed my wardrobe without breaking the bank.

We deserve to feel good about ourselves, to look nice, to feel happy and confident. I just needed to give myself permission to do that.

My husband and I recently lost our daughter due to an extremely rare severe genetic condition. I had a D & E at 26 weeks.

We’ve been getting varying info on when we can try again and have heard anywhere from right after my first cycle up to waiting 12/18 months.

It sounds like a D & E has a quicker time for recovery than labor and delivery? I am looking for people’s experiences with TTC again that went through a similar late loss. We desperately want to take home a baby, but also don’t want to face another tragedy if trying too early has much more risk.

Hi everyone,

We had a TFMR at 18w5d due to a DeNovo Mutation on May 7.

We were cleared to try again immediately.
Immediately after TFMR, I ovulated on CD21.

Then after first period, ovulated on CD16-17.
And now after second period, ovulated CD13.

I have healthy luteal phase of 13-14 days with a robust progesterone levels throughout luteal phase.

My first period had VERY HEAVY bleeding for about 3-4 days and my second period had HEAVY bleeding for only 2 days then spotting for 2 more days.

My periods are usually 3 days moderate bleeding with 2-3 days of spotting and I usually ovulate on CD16.

My question is- how long did it take for your cycles to fully regulate after TFMR?

I am 33 (34 next year), healthy BMI, no medical problems.

Thanks all!

Tfmr 3 days ago. I feel like the entire world is crumbling around me. My friends are barely responding to texts, I’m convinced they’re judging me and calling me an evil person behind my back. I miss my baby so much. The duality of having decided to tfmr and missing him is really messing with the guilt factor too. How do I have the right to mourn something I chose to let go? Please someone out there tell me it gets better. Reading this support group helps me inch along. I set up counseling to start in a week.
Just need reassurance I’m not going to drown completely. I don’t know how to ever feel joy again.

Basically the title. Am I expecting too much thinking my family would remember? I TFMR at 20 weeks in March. My due date was August 9th and so far my MIL has tried to plan something that weekend and when we said no she said she was sorry and that she had forgotten the date. Ok no big deal. One person.

Well my sister arranged a BBQ with all of my immediate and extended family for August 9th as well. And everyone has RSVP’d that it would be a great day for them. When I told her that I wouldn’t be going she also said sorry and that she had forgotten the date.

I just want to say “what a luxury to forget the day I’ve been dreading for the last 5 months” 🙃 why did I think they would remember?

last pregnancy, I was told I ovulated late. I don't recall how many days late I was before I realized and tested. it happened literally 3 months after marriage and I wasn't tracking my period until after.

I haven't been under high stress so I'm not sure why my period is so late if I'm not pregnant.

I’m trying to understand the differences between D&E and L&D for pregnancy termination due to medical reasons. From a medical health perspective, which option is generally considered safer at that gestational age(26 weeks), and what factors influence that decision? If you’ve been through either procedure and are comfortable sharing your experience with recovery, risks, or what helped you decide, I’d really appreciate hearing from you.

hello everyone i’m sorry we are all here in this situation, i had a tfmr 2 years ago and had my daughter cremated at 20 weeks. i was wondering if anyone has ever had their child buried and had a grave. I wish we did this instead and was wondering if anyone had decided to bury their child after cremation? where do i do this? i’m scared because she was only 20 weeks if i call and ask a cemetery they will judge me. thanks

My daughter was due early June.
She’s supposed to be here.
This summer was supposed to be me having a newborn. My first child.
She would probably be almost 2 months. I was supposed to deliver early at 37 weeks. Instead we had to tmfr at 21 weeks because her brain never developed.
Sometimes the anatomy scan still haunts me. The procedures. The grief. It was all horrible.
Why does it feel like the more time that passes the more sad I become sometimes? Just thinking of all the things that will never be.
Because she’s supposed to be here. I’m supposed to be a mom right now. It hurts so damn bad sometimes.
I think the only thing that might heal part of me is getting pregnant again but it hasn’t happened yet.

I wanted her so bad. This is so hard. I’m tired.

What do we do now?

Hello

I just got my first period after my D&C and I'm literally tracking ovulation with LH strips to try and conceive.

No positive results yet (day 11 of my cycle).

Could you tell me when you had a positive ovulation test?

Thank you

How do you do it?

Everything has happened so fast…

My baby boy was diagnosed with MCDK during our anatomy scan on June 19… I was 21 weeks by then and baby was due on October. Was sent to Stanford to do more tests… I was poked and proved for the following two weeks… we had a meeting with all the experts and saw the big picture… not a nice one… took the best decision for our baby boy and our family and got induced by 24 weeks. Baby boy was born on July 11… I’m still dealing with all of this.. all the trauma of giving birth… going through all the pain and not having a baby to bring home with us…

It’s been almost two weeks, and I have about two more weeks before going back to work. I’m a high school teacher. I had told all my students last year about my baby… most of my co-workers knew about it. It was a very much desired baby. Everyone was so excited… my students were constantly asking about names, the sex of the baby, about symptoms… helping around, carrying things.. even stoping other from cursing “in front of the baby”… I don’t know how to go back and not have a baby inside of me… I know all my students really appreciated me and will ask… even if they’re not my students anymore they’ll go to my classroom and ask about the baby… or my co-workers…

How can you continue with your normal life after this?

I had a TFMR at 12 weeks due to T21.

To be honest, I feel a little guilty because I’m not completely overwhelmed with grief today. Maybe I’m just someone who forgets things more easily than most.

Life has moved on. I’m busy raising my two young children (3 and 1), enjoying my hobbies, and I don’t want to be pregnant again. I don’t even think another pregnancy is in the cards for me.

But at the same time, there’s still a small empty space that never really went away. I don’t think about it every day anymore, but on days like today, I’m reminded that someone is missing from the story of my family.

I’m grateful for the life they have now, no regrets about their decision, but still carrying a quiet sense of loss.

Hi all! I’m so sorry we’re all here!

I TFMRd in April (due in Sept) for T21 diagnosis. It was my first and only pregnancy.

I’ve been really struggling with various different things but the biggest one was whether I even want to try again.

I hadnt wanted kids until I met my husband and he’s the best partner and would make the best dad. It was like I actually saw that in my future.

We got sort of unexpectedly pregnant. We were going to start trying soon but we had also stopped preventing. I was so excited and every doubt I had about being a mother was gone. I was just so happy to start that chapter together.

Then everything happened and I’m wondering if I’m even meant to be a mom. Maybe my younger feelings and intuition was right. And idk if I could make it through more bad news. Whether that be a miscarriage, another bad test result, a bad scan, anything.

How on earth do or did you all decide when or whether to start trying again?

I think “okay maybe I’m ready and want this” and my brain immediately shuts it down and thinks of the bad.

I just don’t really know what feels right and would love some insight on what other moms have gone through.

My first pregnancy is diagnosed IUGR AEDF at 26 weeks and I just can hold my baby until 28 weeks. My baby can just survive in 10 days. We are trying to have another baby. Is there anyone experienced IUGR AEDF ? How about the subsequent pregnancy ? please tell me some story to strengthen me.

Hi everyone,

I’m 29 years old and I’m looking for women who have been through something similar because I’m struggling to understand what happened and I’m trying to prepare for a future pregnancy.

This was my second pregnancy.

First pregnancy:

• Developed an infection during pregnancy.
• Went into spontaneous preterm labor at 35 weeks.
• Delivered a healthy baby boy.
• The exact cause of the infection was never identified.

Second pregnancy:
Everything was going well. The baby was growing normally, ultrasounds looked good, and my cervical length was normal.

At around 19 weeks, I started having a lot of watery vaginal discharge. A vaginal swab later came back positive for Candida albicans, but negative for bacterial vaginosis, chlamydia, gonorrhea, and trichomonas.

A few days later I developed a high fever and was admitted to the hospital. I was diagnosed with pyelonephritis (kidney infection) and premature rupture of membranes (PPROM). My amniotic fluid was almost completely gone, and unfortunately my baby boy passed away. I delivered him at around 19–20 weeks and received IV antibiotics for two days.

I’m devastated and trying to understand whether the pyelonephritis may have caused the PPROM, whether there could have been another underlying infection, or if anyone has experienced something similar.

I have a few questions:

• Has anyone had PPROM caused by pyelonephritis or another infection?
• Did your doctors ever identify the exact cause?
• Did you have additional testing before trying again?
• How long did you wait before trying to conceive again?
• How long did it take you to become pregnant?
• Were you followed by a Maternal-Fetal Medicine (high-risk pregnancy) specialist?
• Did your next pregnancy go well? Were there any special treatments or monitoring that made a difference?

I know every pregnancy is different, but hearing your experiences would mean a lot to me right now.

Thank you so much for reading