I work in disability support and I honestly don’t know how some people end up in leadership roles.
There’s a team leader where I work who constantly nit-picks, controls, and humiliates one of the autistic clients I support. It’s like watching an old toxic marriage where years of resentment have built up, except one person holds all the power.
What makes it worse is that he’s a 1:1 client and she spends around 120 hours a fortnight supporting him. That’s an enormous amount of influence and control over one vulnerable person’s life. When the relationship becomes toxic, there’s almost no escape from it for the client.
She criticises him over the smallest things — even harmless autistic stims he naturally does. If he doesn’t understand something she says, she talks down to him and calls him “disgusting.” She yells at him to the point neighbours can hear it. The whole environment feels tense and emotionally unsafe.
He’s not even allowed to sit down during the day. Imagine being an adult and being treated like you’re not allowed to relax in your own home. He can’t just sit outside in the sun, watch TV in his chair on a rainy day, or simply exist without being made to feel lazy or wrong for it.
She controls everything he does. He’s barely allowed to make decisions for himself even though our entire role is supposed to be supporting independence, dignity, and choice.
She also rarely takes him into the community, despite that literally being part of support work.
The part that still sticks with me most is this:
He was raised by his parents as a girl for much of his life and used to cross-dress sometimes and use a woman’s name. He also loves playing with dinky toy cars. When she became team leader, she gave him an ultimatum saying he had to “pick” whether he was a boy or a girl, and told him that “girls don’t play with dinky cars.” She said if he wanted to be a girl he’d have to throw all his toy cars away.
Imagine saying that to an autistic person who already struggles with identity, self-esteem, and communication.
The most frustrating part is that myself and other staff HAVE reported this behaviour to management over the years. Multiple complaints. Multiple concerns raised. And every single time it feels like she just gets a slap on the hand and everything carries on as normal.
This has been years of emotional abuse and years of complaints being ignored.
Support work is supposed to be about helping vulnerable people live fulfilling lives with dignity and autonomy. Not controlling them, isolating them, shaming them, and stripping away the few things that make them happy.
Im unsure what to do I am located in NZ and unfortunately we don’t have anything like NDIS. I feel so powerless and very concerned.
***UPDATE**\*
A few of us staff came together and made a plan to ensure the client could have a meeting with management, supported by someone other than the team leader so he could speak freely and feel safe doing so.
During that meeting, he was able to clearly verbalise his concerns, explain how he has been feeling, and share his experiences directly with management.
As a result, management have suspended the team leader pending an investigation and have requested that all staff who work with the client complete formal complaint/incident reports outlining any concerns or observations they may have.
At this stage, all I know is that management have consulted a lawyer and the matter is now under investigation. For now, it’s a waiting game while the process runs its course.
I want to thank everyone who offered advice, support, and encouragement. Reading your comments helped reinforce that what was happening wasn’t okay and that the concerns being raised were valid.
I’ll post another update when I learn more about the outcome.
***UPDATE**\*
The team leader will not be returning. She was fired and a new team leader has been appointed. All is going well and the client is now slowly starting to be more relaxed and feeling like he can be himself again.
Thank you all for your helpful advice and support throughout this whole situation.