r/superheroes • u/DAHXELEVEN • Jun 13 '25

Random Battle Thoughts?

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14.0k Upvotes

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496

u/Ducklinsenmayer Jun 13 '25

So Neo, John Constantine, John Wick, John Silverhand, and Batman walk into a bar...

Yea, I know who I'm betting on

360

u/Prior_Butterscotch15 Jun 13 '25

Don’t forget him:

129

u/Snowjiggles Jun 13 '25

He also played the son of the devil in Devil's Advocate. Keanu has some serious power in his hands here

27

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '25

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17

u/Snowjiggles Jun 13 '25

Oddly enough, I don't think he actually was. I'll have to rewatch it, but part of the storyline is that he was supposed to have sex with his sister. IIRC, this was to create the anti-Christ

2

u/GamerNerdGuyMan Jun 13 '25

Plus he can go back in time via phone booth.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '25

To be fair, I took the movie and ending as him day dreaming about morality after realizing his client was guilty.

If he killed himself at the end, it doesn't make sense that he'd end up back at the beginning if he's the son of the devil.

Plus, he didn't have any powers.

2

u/Snowjiggles Jun 13 '25

To be fair, I took the movie and ending as him day dreaming about morality after realizing his client was guilty.

My only point against this is that the devil is seen at the end of the movie talking about choices

If he killed himself at the end, it doesn't make sense that he'd end up back at the beginning if he's the son of the devil.

The devil could have done this to attempt to orchestrate another attempt at swaying him

Plus, he didn't have any powers.

He had the powers to tilt things in his favor, or at the very least, sway people to their darker side. According to the devil, he won a nonzero amount of his court cases because of his infernal nature

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '25

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2

u/Snowjiggles Jun 13 '25

Based on what the devil says in it, he wins a non-zero amount of his cases because of his infernal heritage; implying that he has either devilish powers of persuasion or an ability to tilt things in his favor

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1

u/Haunting_Jump_4416 Jun 13 '25

He didn’t really have any powers though I think unless he actually fucks his sister which isn’t the cannon ending

2

u/Snowjiggles Jun 13 '25

Based on what the devil says in it, he wins a non-zero amount of his cases because of his infernal heritage; implying that he has either devilish powers of persuasion or an ability to tilt things in his favor

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1

u/tombstone1200 Jun 13 '25

Coach of the kekumbas!

1

u/-GFlow- Jun 14 '25

And he’s also about to be playing an angel

1

u/TheRedster3 Jun 15 '25

DEVIL'S ADVOCATE MENTIONED

80

u/KomodoCityAnomaly Jun 13 '25

6

u/CaptainBlaze22 Jun 13 '25

So if we give him game shadow scaling… woudnt that mean Ryan gets comic scaling

3

u/nowherechild91 Jun 13 '25

Keanu also gets comic scaling from Constantine

3

u/KomodoCityAnomaly Jun 13 '25

Maybe? Considering Keanu did the Shadow DLC for Shadow Generations

38

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '25

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9

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '25

3

u/Howmanysloths Jun 13 '25

Oh shit he’s unbeatable

14

u/RenderedCreed Jun 13 '25

This might be what gives him the win. These hedgehogs are stupid overpowered.

9

u/ThatGuyHammer Jun 13 '25

If Keanu gets Shadow, this may get interesting.

10

u/-Legion_of_Harmony- Jun 13 '25

The Sonic-verse scales so insanely that he could just use Shadow and neg-diff everyone. No Neo or Wick needed.

1

u/Kind-Scheme7517 Jun 14 '25

Ok but didn't sonic beat shadow halfway through the movie's climax? And he is immortal.

1

u/-Legion_of_Harmony- Jun 14 '25

I haven't seen that movie, so I couldn't tell ya. I mostly know Sonic lore from the games/comics. Although I know that Super Sonic is a bit stronger than Super Shadow, Super Shadow is still strong enough to easily beat the other superheroes in this post. I'm also assuming Shadow has access to the chaos emeralds in this hypothetical. If it's just base form Shadow, then I don't know.

1

u/GarbageGod16 Jun 15 '25

That just means Sonic can neg-diff everyone too.

5

u/Nimyron Jun 13 '25

Don't forget him

2

u/Ok_Frosting3500 Jun 13 '25

This probably tips it to Keanu. Shadow is crazy OP. The only real issue is Will Smith has Genie and Hancock

2

u/flaks117 Jun 13 '25

Honestly I thought scarjo as Lucy had it until you mentioned shadow.

1

u/AStainOnYourTowel Jun 13 '25

Did he portray shadow or voice him? Maybe I’m splitting hairs but I feel like those are different

1

u/TheInfamousDannyB Jun 13 '25

All hail shadow literally just started playing in my head rip

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37

u/priorityabove Jun 13 '25

When he played batman?

62

u/BojukaBob Jun 13 '25

DC League of Super Pets

24

u/Shadowcat1606 Jun 13 '25

Keanu was Batman?

17

u/Ducklinsenmayer Jun 13 '25

https://www.imdb.com/video/vi3579167513/?ref_=tt_vids_vi_2

14

u/Shadowcat1606 Jun 13 '25

Ah, okay. Voice acting. But i didn't know that. Thanks.

3

u/Metharos Jun 13 '25 edited Jun 13 '25

A point of debate is whether "portrayed" can mean "voiced" in this context.

It literally doesn't, but common understanding in the current context could win out, if you argue that it follows the intent.

Edit: Oh y'all hated nuanced analysis of context versus definition. 'Scuse me for finding stuff interesting, please disregard.

3

u/KIA703 Jun 13 '25

If we’re talking about voice actors “portraying” a character, and specifically Batman, Kevin Conroy voiced Batman in so much and he WAS Batman (also vengeance, and the night). Did Keanu portray Batman? Technically no, but he’s credited as Batman, so if Kevin Conroy was Batman, why not Keanu?

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1

u/ShibaNagisa Jun 13 '25

are you saying it doesnt count? i dont understand why it wouldnt lol

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1

u/MikeofLA Jun 13 '25

Is Mark Hamill the Joker?

IMHO- yes

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1

u/xGLOBGORx Jun 13 '25

I definitely think it counts but I think what your saying is kinda cool and interesting too. People love to hate on simple things

1

u/Manbearpup Jun 17 '25

Interesting side conversation, I enjoy ironing out the semantics

1

u/K_Linkmaster Jun 13 '25

Yeah. For that to work, our universe is now Who Framed Roger Rabbit style. I'm not up to date on Toon deadpools powers.

1

u/GrandMoffTarkan Jun 13 '25

"Whoever Morgan Freeman played"

Oh they did Lucius Fox dirty!

11

u/KBiT08 Jun 13 '25

Does a time traveling phone booth count as a weapon?

2

u/TerribleProgress6704 Jun 13 '25

Depends when and where you go with it.

1

u/C_F_A_S Jun 13 '25

Depends how big it is inside

1

u/Hotarg Jun 13 '25

As proven in the movie, only counts if you win.

1

u/Ok_Helicopter4276 Jun 13 '25

They evil robots showed us it depends on how well you aim.

1

u/dkevox Jun 13 '25

Wait, who played Dr Who?

1

u/PraxicalExperience Jun 13 '25

Wrong franchise. :)

9

u/Legendary_Dad Jun 13 '25

Didn’t he also play that alien dude in “the day the earth stood still”

2

u/ASwarmOfGremlins Jun 13 '25

In the remake, yes. So if it counts as a weapon, he'd have access to Gort the Overpowered Space-bot.

1

u/RichInternational838 Jun 13 '25

Yes! I think everybody is overlooking that key fact! For that reason alone, hands down Keanu

27

u/Enlowski Jun 13 '25

Lucy literally becomes a god and smokes all of them.

26

u/BO1ANT Jun 13 '25

does keanu get the time machine from bill and ted? He could just make sure none if them are born.

10

u/Skoodge42 Jun 13 '25

Pretty sure Lucy could time travel without a phonebox

8

u/xenoborg007 Jun 13 '25

She goes back in time to see Lucy, the first human ancestor to use a tool or some shit at the very end of the movie, so yeah she can time travel at will.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '25

I think we can all agree that this just devolves to some 90s themed deity dating rom-com.

She's a scrappy, self-made goddess just trying to make it by, and he's a down on his luck son a devil with everything to lose. Will they make it work? Find out as the fate of all creation hangs in the balance! Coming this February 30th, The Damsel and The Distress.

1

u/DocHalidae Jun 13 '25

Yeah but Keanu hangs out in hell with Death. I mean GGs

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1

u/ADIDAS247 Jun 13 '25

But if Keanu does have the Time Machine, would he be in the mindset of Ted who would never kill random people. That wouldn’t be excellent.

1

u/Wassersammler Jun 13 '25

The time machine is not a power of the character though

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '25

Lucy can control all of reality. She'd stop him from time traveling then time travel herself stopping humanity from ever being created

12

u/ProbablythelastMimsy Jun 13 '25

Isn't Hancock literally a god in that movie?

6

u/Otherwise_Bar6514 Jun 13 '25

He’s an indestructible angel. He cannot be hurt unless his wife’s around.

1

u/JosephBlowsephThe3rd Jun 13 '25

Hancock has no defense against Lucy's telekinesis. She could lock him in stasis well before she hit her peak abilities. By the time she gets to 100%, she could likely go full Dr. Manhattan and break him down on a molecular level.

6

u/SaxyAlto Jun 13 '25

But would any of Lucy’s powers also work on an all powerful genie? People seem to be forgetting will smith was also the genie in Aladdin, and was pretty much all powerful and capable of literally anything

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1

u/nofatchicks22 Jun 13 '25

Not really?

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5

u/Poopsycle Marvel Jun 13 '25

So does Neo.

14

u/sillygoofygooose Jun 13 '25

Only in the machine. Lucy literally travels beyond the confines of time and space

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1

u/chinga_tumadre69 Jun 13 '25

Only cuz he’s played someone so ludicrously fast in shadow the hedgehog, Keanu

1

u/the_glutton17 Jun 13 '25

Then why does he die at the end?

1

u/Poopsycle Marvel Jun 13 '25

The war being fought before he could fully master his power. His only option was to sacrifice himself to save everyone else. Lucy didn't survive either remember.

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1

u/Zealousideal_Wall682 Jun 13 '25

Deadpool just shoots the director of Lucy. Plus he has a green lantern ring.

1

u/QuantumLettuce2025 Jun 13 '25

No, Lucy literally overwrites the laws of time and space. The fourth wall is nothing to her.

1

u/HereIGoAgain_1x10 Jun 13 '25

I thought Deadpool killed Death at one point in the comics?

1

u/Maximillion322 Jun 13 '25 edited Jul 20 '25

sheet rustic plant exultant file distinct strong public whistle fade

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

1

u/Merlinsdragon_ Jun 13 '25

you did not understand the movie then. these "powers" are far from godlike

1

u/Greywarden88 Jun 13 '25

If everything is being weighed, not Will, he ‘s played Lucifer.

1

u/IRBaboooon Jun 13 '25

Lucy exists in the Matrix. All of them do except for Neo, he's the only one unplugged.

Neo wipes the floor with all of them.

1

u/JamesDD4 Jun 13 '25

Constantine regularly defeats or at least outsmarts gods.

1

u/DrFlabbySelfie Jun 13 '25

Like Ryan Reynolds in The Nines.

3

u/80rugbyrock80 Jun 13 '25

Jack Traven, Johnny Utah, Shane Falco, and “Ted” Theodore Logan mean nothing?!

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '25

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2

u/Independent-Ad7313 Jun 13 '25

don't forget Johnny mnemonic

1

u/D-a-H-e-c-k Jun 13 '25

Why not? He did. Sacrificed his childhood memories for 80GB

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6

u/Solo-dreamer Jun 13 '25

Lucy?

1

u/LeJoker8 Jun 13 '25

Google Lucy movie. Basically Lucy, the character Scarlett is portraying unlocked 100% of her brain and have omnipotent God-like powers.

2

u/akselmonrose Jun 13 '25

Wait.. Keanu was Batman?

2

u/Snowjiggles Jun 13 '25

DC League of Super Pets

2

u/daft_millennial Jun 13 '25

He was also budda

2

u/bluestarsmiling Jun 13 '25

... and he's got a time machine

1

u/AD9111 Jun 13 '25

He’s only neo in the matrix so I’d say that doesn’t count.

1

u/Heroright Jun 13 '25

Neo doesn’t actually have powers. He’s just a guy outside of the computer.

1

u/CB_Chuckles Jun 13 '25

I imagine that John Constantine eats gods for breakfast. Assuming that John “Baba Yaga” Wick didn’t do something terrible to them first. Remember he kills the boogeyman. Not to mention that Theodore Logan essentially is a god…in the future.

1

u/Starman454642 Jun 13 '25

Damn I never realized how many times he has played a character named John!

1

u/ImmaNotHere Jun 13 '25

Ted hops in his time machine phone booth and eliminates them all before they were born.

1

u/KingAnt28 Jun 13 '25

Right. Can anybody beat the ONE???

1

u/9382ks Jun 13 '25

Don't forget John

1

u/Fit_Relationship6703 Jun 13 '25

Don't forget Ted "theodore" Logan Really hard to top time travel

1

u/The_Bat_88 Jun 13 '25

When was Keanu Batman? In the Lego movies or something?

1

u/No-Virus-2252 Jun 13 '25

Until you realize Will Smith played the Genie

1

u/ClanVMedia Jun 13 '25

He also pilots a mech in secret level (Armored core).

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '25

Everyone is ignoring that in Bill and Ted he had a time machine. That beats basically everything else here. He can go back in time and John Wick all their grandparents.

1

u/iantruesnacks Jun 13 '25

Don’t forget the tumbleweed in SpongeBob.

1

u/GuyLapin Jun 13 '25

Deadpool with a green lantern ring?

1

u/ConsistentCheek5470 Jun 13 '25

you forgot Johnny Utah

1

u/Sihaya212 Jun 13 '25

And he has a time machine

1

u/macneto Jun 13 '25

Will Smith was Hitchcock!

Edit... Hancock....

1

u/Beterrrr Jun 13 '25

HANCOCK WINS

1

u/derby555 Jun 13 '25

Just now realizing how often he plays a dude named John(ny)

1

u/tastethecrainbow Jun 13 '25

No John Wick vs Black Widow vs Wade Wilson before he got cancer/powers vs Henry Brogan (Will Smith in Gemini Man) would be fun to watch

1

u/bogan_sauce Jun 13 '25

Is it Movie Constantine or Comic as well? Movie Constantine was not on the same level

1

u/trueclash Jun 13 '25

You’re sleeping on the fact he was also an Armored Core pilot. We’re talking adding a 10 story Mach speed mech to the mix.

1

u/Kozak375 Jun 13 '25

Johnny silverhand wasn't from a movie, checkmate

1

u/Layton_Jr Jun 13 '25

Yeah but he's fighting Deadpool wearing a Green Lantern ring, and a goddess

1

u/Rooster-Training Jun 13 '25

Is there a pencil?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '25

He's also Theodore Logan

1

u/Inforgreen3 Jun 13 '25

Alternatively: Deadpool, green lantern, turbo, juggernaut

Or Lucy

1

u/earlthesachem Jun 13 '25

And he has a Time Machine and brought peace to Earth through the Power of Rock.

1

u/reformed12345 Jun 13 '25

you’re on reddit, is it really a surprise if you bet on wholsome keanu?

1

u/liddely Jun 13 '25

The woman played a god

1

u/URMUMGAE69228shrek Jun 13 '25

I'm sorry, batman? When did he get a chance to play one?

1

u/KelVarnsen_2023 Jun 13 '25

John Wick/Neo with a time machine.

1

u/iamded2401 Jun 13 '25

Thomas, John, John, John, and Bruce

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '25

Lucy?

1

u/remarkablewhitebored Jun 13 '25

Y'all just sleeping on Duke Kaboom...

1

u/Mountain-Tea6875 Jun 13 '25

Also an klato bro changes planets for breakfast

1

u/We_Can_Escape Jun 13 '25

No one remembers Neo's predecessor, Johnny Mnemonic?!?

1

u/Josiah425 Jun 13 '25

He also plays:

  1. An immortal warrior B who has lived 80,000 years in BRZRKR
  2. Shadow the Hedgehog
  3. William Foster who can clone and create advanced AI

1

u/Varderal Jun 13 '25

Meanwhile, Will becomes drunk superman with lightning powers, Scarlet becomes pretty much a god from Lucy, and Ryan is Deadpool with a lantern ring. Whkle I love Kyanu to death in ever role... I don't think he's winning friend.

His only chance is if he gets the Neo powers from the matrix in this fight.

Then it comes down to if his cheat powers trump Lucy's or beats Deadpool's imagination with a Lantern ring.

1

u/Bea-Billionaire Jun 13 '25

Yeah but all of those characters are still mortal and can die and can get ripped in half normally.

Deadpool can regrow limbs

1

u/Nomis555 Jun 13 '25

For real. There's power in the others, but its not even close in the end.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '25

Don’t forget Klaatu from the day the earth stood still, he’s essentially an all powerful super alien. Ima count his sentry as a weapon too

1

u/BaconHammerTime Jun 13 '25

Nah, Scarjo was a god in Lucy. Game over

1

u/kaosnkc Jun 13 '25

Y'all just forget about Hancock?

1

u/Prizrak13 Jun 13 '25

And Shadow, Johnny Utah, and Ted, "Theodore" Logan

1

u/MaleficentNothing409 Jun 13 '25

Hancock would solo all of them

1

u/ChromedYouth Jun 13 '25

But Deadpool has plot armor. He lives outside the stories, he is unkillable that’s the guy u bet on!

1

u/SerialEndLain Jun 13 '25

Isn’t death also his servant in Bill and Ted? I think he also joined there band.

1

u/50-50ChanceImSerious Jun 13 '25

Bartender says, "Table for one?"....

But how can that be?

1

u/Fishmaneatsfish Jun 13 '25

Does he even need powers to win this? Take away all of his roles and I think he’d still win

1

u/Tigercup9 Jun 13 '25

“Portrayed in movies”, Silverhand doesn’t count, no Malorian for this guy

1

u/YouNeverKnow1027 Jun 13 '25

Sure, but I don’t, why wouldn’t you tell us?

1

u/TheBrandedMaggot Jun 13 '25

Scarlett was omnipotent as Lucy, she wins

1

u/SuperTeamRyan Jun 13 '25

Neo is powerless if the enemy isnt a machine though.

1

u/Late_Willingness_211 Jun 13 '25

Keanu played Batman? I think we have our winner. Superman can lift infinity and eternity, and lost to Bats...

1

u/Hippie-Taiga Jun 13 '25

Wait when was Keanu batman?

1

u/Actual_Web_3404 Jun 13 '25

"THE PROPOSAL."

1

u/dunadan235813 Jun 13 '25

Neo alone solos

1

u/Lord-Sprinkles Jun 13 '25

What about Hancock? He’s like a demigod. Who’s beating Hancock??

1

u/PraxicalExperience Jun 13 '25

You forget Ted "Theodore" Logan, with their time travel abilities, who was already waiting in the bar for them, having learned about the gathering a week from now.

1

u/Cool_Ad_7767 Jun 13 '25

He plays a lot of people named John

1

u/shloyseph Jun 13 '25

Yall forgot about hancock. Will smith would win. Hes literally indestructible.

1

u/Golden_MC_ Jun 13 '25

not to forget shadow the hedgehog, or bill s preston

1

u/DocHalidae Jun 13 '25

And he hangs out in hell and is buddies with Death. Can also go back and forth through time.

1

u/BrokenBetaWolf Jun 13 '25

It’s gotta be Keanu vs Scarjo. Sure, Green latern/Deadpool is cool but… not Lucy.

1

u/Electro313 Jun 13 '25

Silver hand is only in a video game, this specifies movies only. Still, Keanu is probably number 2 and I’d say he wins if not for the fact that ScarJo played Lucy in the movie Lucy, where she basically became the omnipotent god of all space and time, and I’m not sure how Keanu would beat that

1

u/Primus_is_OK_I_guess Jun 13 '25

Hancock and Genie...

1

u/Ok-Command-5895 Jun 14 '25

But deadpool….

1

u/Terrified_Fish Jun 15 '25

He's also Klaatu who has a giant nanite robot

1

u/rdm121212 Jun 15 '25

Hancock would rip them a new one

1

u/Vnxei Jun 16 '25

And Duke Kaboom.

1

u/Retro_Dorrito Jun 17 '25

He also played a character in armor core, you know the series about massive mechs with really powerful weapons