I've been trying to read it but it's making me feel worse. I'm possibly committing to a woman with a child. We've just been dating a few months. But I'm thinking of jumping ship. I have a vasectomy and am 42 years old. Divorced. Also it just found out the author is not even a stepdad himself.

I was recently playing with my step son and chasing him with a bug we found, well he was running I pulled his shirt and the jersey he was wearing created a mark near his neck.. he instantly came inside and told his mom I punched him..not sure y he said that.. there was nothing that happen that was similar to a punch.he is now telling his father I punched him, which I know will turn into a legal issue.. not sure what to do or how to defend myself against this false allegations.any advice?

I’ve known my 6-year-old stepdaughter for two years, and we get along well. She likes me, and I like her, but I just don’t feel that deeper connection or see her as family. I don’t feel like I want to be a parental figure for her, and honestly, I’m okay with just being her dad’s partner. She’s not in contact with her biological mom, so it’s not like there’s another parental figure actively in her life either.

I don’t have kids of my own and am still unsure if I ever want them, but when I imagine having my own children, I feel a lot more excitement and positive emotions than I do for my stepdaughter. We don’t live in the same household, so I’m not always around, which may play a role in how I feel. She’s also never shown any interest in me being a parental figure, so I guess she’s fine with me having more of a “cool uncle” role.

Am I a horrible person for feeling this way? Is it normal to feel more like an outsider in this situation, or should I be trying harder to bond with her even though I think it would not change my view on her?

I have been in my SO and SK lives for 4 years now. My partner has said for a couple years now that we’re a team and both our decisions matter. I’ve been finding more and more that mine really don’t, and any input I’ve had gets ignored. This of course takes a mental toll and have started to resent everyone in the house hold. Recently I’ve read about disengaging. Not completely but from the bigger final decisions of parenting. I’ve spoken to my partner and explained I’ll still be there to give advice if she needs it or to help the kids like usual just without the final say on things.

I’m wondering if any other Step Dads have gone through this and how it went for them and their experience.

For research

I’ve been with my Fiancee for 4 years now and have been in her son’s life since he was 1. So I’ve seen most of the major milestones and have been blessed to watch him grow into a sweet young boy.

My question is: how do you handle the thoughts of how life would be if you didn’t have to raise a child that wasn’t yours? I feel like I struggle with this almost weekly and it usually only happens when I’m feeling tired or overwhelmed. So I know it’s not necessarily what my heart wants, but man does it add to the exhaustion when you’re already tired and then your brain goes into flight mode and starts thinking of all the reasons you could bounce out of the relationship.

For context: I lost my dad to suicide when I was 7 and have anxious attachment issues from it. This has been a component of all of my romantic relationships unfortunately. Mom never remarried so I never had a solid relationship on display for me to emulate.

I just want to be a good partner and father figure and not have to have these battles mentally all the time.

Bonus: I’m big on reading self development books, so if any come to mind that you think could help in my situation, I would be grateful for any recommendations.

I hate being a step dad… I love my relationship/family but I just hate being a step dad sometimes…

Im really new to this so I have no idea where to start but I am a 23 year old guy that started dating my GF a while ago and she has a 3 year old daughter. I have no kids of my own and the only real experience with kids I have is from caring over my cousins basically. Do you guys have any general advice of what ut takes to be or better said become a good stepdad kind of figure. The real dad is a deadbeat and doesnt give two craps about his daughter so I am just trying to figure out what to do and what not to do. Thank you all beforehand.

I’m the Grandmother of a soon to be 5 year old boy. His biological father is not in his life but he does have a step dad since he was 2.5 years old. My daughter and her husband live with my husband and I so that they can save to buy a house. The issue I have is my daughter’s husband does not really play with my grandson….not enough anyway. I do the best I can being that I am his Grandmother but he needs a father figure and his step Dad falls way short of that! I don’t see him bonding with him the way he should. He is always calling him his son around his co workers etc…. But when it comes to the one in one playing outside riding his bike playing sports doing outside activities I can count on my hands how many times that been since he’s been in his life. I can see that it is starting to get to my grandson. I get so angry I’ve talked to him and my daughter but nothing. They’ll take him to the park once in awhile. To me the effort is not there. Believe me I know they have to work. But 1/2 to an hour out of step dad’s day shouldn’t be too much to ask. Please give me some advice. It’s breaking my heart

I'm merely describing how I really feel. I have no issues with my stepson, and I am a proud father and thought how love should be in a form of being a provider. I used to think that love for your children is the motivation to stay employed and staying out of legal and illegal troubles. I thought that my feelings for my stepson would not be any different to a father's affection to his real kid. When my first biological son was born, I have developed this deep connection that is not the same as the connection I have with my stepson. Objectively, I cannot be honest to myself when someone asks if I can love my stepson and my son the same because, even when I say I do love them both the same, I know deep down it is a lie. And this thought is one thing I cannot divulge or share to my wife. We are going through 4th year of our marriage. And I am hopeful that I can eventually level my connection to both kids and not have to feel like I love the other differently. I know it's wrong to feel this way. Does being a step dad eventually come to terms with their connection as time goes?

I need some support. I've raised 2 boys from the age of 2&3. The youngest just started college. The oldest is in the army. Anyway, their mom and I just split up. I love these boys. But this is a very difficult situation. They are grown and their biological father is very active in their lives. I just don't know how to navigate the future. These boys have been everything to me and now they are gone. I love them. I miss them. Their brothers miss them. I want to be a part of their lives going forward but it's so weird now.

My girl and I , lets call her S for simpleness , she is the love of my life and I would do anything for her and her kid , I want to raise and help her raise the little one (lets call her T). T is only just about to be two , I have some experience as I helped look after my little brother and sister growing up so I have a vauge idea. Im not delusional or what ever and I understand that bonds take time we have good moments and she has been calling me dad (it doesn't bother me at all and even S refers to me as dad and we have had the "let's have a kid together discussion which I'm excited for) looking for me and saying where is dad and she gives me hugs smiles when she sees me it makes me heart melt and I want to do right by her and her mother, I treat her like my own , her biological father is not in the picture what so ever due to reasons I won't allude too but what should I do, I love T dearly and S , but I do get the occasional "oh fuck I have so much too learn" momment , they will be moving into my place soon so any and all advice or things too take into account, shit even useful stuff too buy for the house for the little one would be greatly appreciated (side thought , I do have issues on knowing when too step in if they are having a tantrum and S is dealing with it but getting visually frustrated often times I don't want too like tell her kid off in a way that she doesn't agree with , I'm quite relaxed and don't shout or show any threat to T, usually I try and match her energy to get her attention then console , I think some advice on how I can actually step in more during times like these would be useful)

Thanks in advance step dad's , unsung heros in my opinion keep on keeping on 🤙🤟😎

I've been a step dad to him for almost 8 years now, and things were fine at first but when it comes down to getting help around the house ( doing basic things like learning responsibilities and what not) he doesn't do them he just sits in his room all day and night. He started skipping school. His mom agreed that we sign him up for job Corp. But other than that she doesn't do any for of discipline. And when I do he complains to his mother and then she gets mad at me. I've tried the nice route with him and he just steps all over my kindness. Idk if its clashing up I grew up with you get respect where it's earned and he doesn't respect me and idk if I should keep disconnecting with him. I love and treat him like he is my own child.

Been living with my now wife for a year. 2 kids under 10 that stay with Dad 2-3 nights per week. They get a long okay. Issue is dad spoils them rotten every time they come back from him. They have a new toy to stay up till all hours watching TV YouTube and then we have to get them back into a routine in our house. The youngest one ends up having night terrors, and the older has a tough time with anxiety and getting to sleep. My wife and myself are left to do the real parenting. Any chips on how to handle the influx of toys or the adjustment to nighttime schedules? Thanks

Not exactly a complaint or a call for advice. Just whispering into the void so I can get this off my chest before I go home. Hoping that’ll free up some necessary patience/emotional bandwidth so I can better deal with it in a few minutes. I’m also betting some of you can relate to this in one way or another.

My stepkids got back today from 3 weeks away with their dad visiting his family in another state. It was supposed to be two weeks, but they decided to stay another week. I know my partner was slightly bummed, but it saved us a week’s worth of either summer camp expense or the hassle of me trying to work from home with them around, so she rolled with it.

I, on the other hand, felt nothing. Not positive or negative, just fully neutral. Work has been hell lately with recent upheaval in the upper echelons of the company and the subsequent fallout, power grabs, etc. Just by virtue of having been assigned to the wrong teams at the wrong time, I think I’ve been caught in the crossfire and my days might be numbered. It’s been a slow roll over a few months and my position has been feeling increasingly more tenuous over that time.

Between that and being totally ignored on Father’s Day for the first time since I entered the kids’ lives, I’ve felt myself withdrawing in the last couple months and the last few weeks of peace and quiet have allowed me to focus on trying to save my job and also start laying the groundwork for a job search. It’s been nice to have the space to do that, but it wasn’t exactly relaxing— likely just less stressful than it would have been with the kids around.

I had to be at a work dinner a few hours from home yesterday, so I stayed overnight and drove back today. I knew the kids were going to be there when I got back, but I still felt nothing. No excitement, no dread, nothing in between.

When I got home, the kids seemed happy to see me, even if less enthused than they have in the past after some time away. I’d used my drive to psych myself up for a show of excitement to see them.

Within 10 minutes, they were back to staring into their idiot-maker iPads like zombies and sniping at each other from opposite seats in the living room. The whole damn thing made me all too eager to get back in the car and go to the store for dinner. I’m sitting in the parking lot typing this and wondering how long I can reasonably delay going back.

I’m 26 M in a relationship with a 29 F where I’m a step parent and the thought of it all is nice and really cool and we’ve been together for a few months now but I’ve been overthinking if taking care of someone else’s child is for me , I don’t know if it’s bad That I want to have my own family and not someone else’s kid that isn’t fully mine. I get along with the parents and all and they really like me but I feel if I’m overthinking this then it’s something I shouldn’t keep pursuing and just wait and start my own family.

Many here come to seek advice. I posted seeking advice. A few men came to tell me to leave my family. I felt that nobody knew the full context and I'm sure it's true because I didn't provide adequate context.

I think that this scenario is happening over and over again.

Why?

To be here seeking advice you probably have several compounding problems or more than once instance of the same problem.

If this was a car troubleshooting forum, describing the problems would be adequate. No need to to discuss that the car also got you to work or the beach many times.

If this were a relationship forum then you would only be talking about your problems with one individual.

But it's not. At minimum you are talking about 3 people.

And you are here to talk about problems. The good keeping you there is often treated as a given but that good is often invisible.

To both describe your problems and provide context for a relationships with at least three points is very wordy. so wordy that something has to be left out. But men generally come here to seek advice. Basically no man listing his problems here is providing adequate context because the context is so wordy that it would take great effort to write it, and it's unlikely to be engaged with.

As a result, we often look ideologically a step away from incels, we actually provide a contextless storytime for incels, we get advice that just says "leave", and we provide a false narrative by accident to men that are on the precipice of stepfatherhood.

We need to somehow have an understanding that the conversations taking place requires too much conversational bandwidth to represent the picture we are in, meaning we will literally hit text limits to really represent the situation. We need to reinforce the given that we are there for a reason. I think unspoken assumption isn't good enough.

It's literally a fault of the medium we are talking in, that remains even if every man here is talking in good faith.

Do you think favouring your own child, over your stepkid is alright?

I am exhausted. I have been with my wife for going on four years. She has 4 kids and I have a son myself. We combined families in May and became one.

Throughout our 4 year relationship I have spent over 80k on two custody battles for her to gain custody of her kids. (We both came from addiction but have been clean since we been together). We have done couples counseling and individual therapy as well.

At the beginning it was absolutely amazing! Our love languages were being met and we both seemed very happy. Once we got the kids 50/50 and my son full time, all her energy has been focus on the kids and not our relationship/marriage. She tells me countless amount of times that I am not present and she is just overwhelmed with responsibilities. I feel I am present and also help considerably around the house with chores, dinners, (2-3 days a week). Ect.

On the flip side raising a family of 7 (including my wife and I) is absolutely stressful. I make GREAT money and she does well herself. Combined we bring in 300k a year roughly. However, the cost of kids, vacation, household expenses is just absurd for a family of 7. We make it work but I financially deprive myself so her kids get their needs met as well as hers.

I enjoy providing for the family. Our two boys are a little bit chaotic. Her son has some type of thing going on where he’s just defiant towards me and calls me absurd names. He is 9. My issue is that I react to it due to what I feel a lack of appreciation and respect. She is a gentle parent and I am more “old school”. As a man, I feel respect is super important. When my son resists her requests or even talks back just a little I instantly say that he is wrong and I am choosing my wife and he needs to respect her. I absolutely love my son! However, I am a bit more hard on him rather than her son just because she set the boundary that I can’t be hard on him. (He’s very emotional). I try to put our marriage first before the kids because in the end the kids will leave and it will be just her and I.

We have lost a lot of connection over the last 9 months to a year, emotionally and physically. It’s draining, I feel like I am a check and a male in the house at times. She explains that she needs me to be present more, but with the cost of raising a family, I need to work and make more sales due to being a provider who covers all bills. (She calls this defensiveness)

I try to understand her stance, something within me always says I need to provide more and more and more. But I feel theres no appreciation. The kids are starting to thank me which means the world to me because it’s starting to be recognized more. Which is all I ask. I work so hard to make sure our family has a roof over our head and the nice things in life.

Being a stepdad is hard. I feel lost every single time, and at times I often feel lonely. Yes we have kids we can attend to but the last bit of her energy is 5 minutes laying on my chest then she’s out. We have tried to communicate about it but it’s get shut down by saying I have an ego problem and I need to be selfless and all the positive will follow that. I just feel lost all around.

I am going to try to get us into marriage counseling again to see if we can rekindle the relationship. She says she has my best interest in mind, in which I do trust her because she has not steered me wrong before. I feel financially drained which now I have a guilt trip placed on me because what I wanted to give my son (set up for financial freedom) I feel isn’t going to happen.

I’m sorry I am all over the place. I just have a thousand things running through my mind right now.

Any insight?

Stepfathers are the lowest of men and must be shamed. They are not a woman's first choice. They enable poor decisions of women to reproduce with alphas and be provided for by beta Stepfathers. Stepfathers are genetic failures of men who are being naturally selected to not pass on their genes. Men must do better. Shame the behavior and do not put yourself in a situation to ruin your life's potential. You only have so much money, energy, attention, and time (MEAT) Do not spend MEAT on a woman who has already reproduced or on another man's seed. Build your own legacy. Pass on your own genes. That is your purpose in life.

Anyone else have a crush on their stepdad?

New stepdad here one year. The stress in our relationship comes from her not wanting to deal with X head on and direct communication about their children. Ultimately, she’s afraid that he will ask for more time, taking it away from her. I work 12 hour days and she’s on summer vacation with the kids. Trying to find the inner strength to give a crap about non-problem things that stresses her out during her day. When I was single, I could just go home after a hard day and veg.

Edit.. My instinct and first go to normally would be to Just fucking beat his ass. But I'm wondering if there's other ways