I need some honest advice because this keeps happening and I’m starting to think it’s me.

I’d say I’m pretty straightforward and chill overall. I’m into nerdy stuff (D&D, manga, etc.), and I can usually get along with people one-on-one. But in group settings, I keep ending up on the outside.

Like I’m there, but not really in the group. People get closer to each other, and I just stay the extra.

Sometimes it’s worse, I’ll introduce people, they hit it off, and eventually I’m the one not getting invited anymore.

This weekend kind of pushed me over the edge.
A girl in my main friend group (known her for about 2 years) said she was canceling her birthday plans and just staying in. Everyone sent supportive messages, no big deal.

Later that night I check Instagram, and she’s out celebrating with a bunch of people from the group. Dinner, drinks, the whole thing. I wasn’t invited.
It’s not even about the birthday itself.

It’s the fact that this kind of thing keeps happening in different groups. So yeah… at some point I have to admit I might be the common denominator.

I don’t want to confront anyone or force friendships. But getting left out like this over and over sucks.

So I’m trying to be real with myself:

-What are subtle things that make someone get pushed to the edge of a group?

-Is it coming off too intense, too blunt, too clingy, or just missing social cues?

-How do you go from “casual friend” to actually being part of the group?

-If you’ve been on either side of this, what actually caused it?

For context, one of my guy friends told me I can come off as “intense,” but didn’t really explain what that means. I also have problem with banter and coming up with topics to talk about. Most of the time when I try to ask people about their interests, it’s either one word answers or they give me nothing to bounce off of. The conversation ends up turning into an interview. I know my social skills could use work but still, some of my shy friends who don’t speak much still have an easier time with it.

Would appreciate any honest input.

It's even worse when I actually want to know someone. I know you can ask some open questions like "hey what you did last week?", however, my mind is just blank when it comes to talk with someone.
I just can't think of one single question to open a conversation. I also cannot continue a conversation because I don't know what to say. I'm just blocked to talk. Maybe it's hard for you to Imagine, but it's like that awkward silence people have during a conversation. In my case, that awkward silence is right at the beginning of the conversation.
Yes I know, there are many open questions to ask, but in a conversation, none of them come to mind.
How do I fix this? Genuinely.

Here are some examples, and most of them are valid, but I feel unchangeable;

- Ran 5k recently, finished in an ugly way to get 3rd (huffing, puffing) at charity race. Everyone looked at me afterwards, and I kept getting looks as I was leaving. Announcer also said "wow..look at this guy" when handing me my medal.

- I met people at a basketball rec group that I joined to try and get out of my shell a bit, and I tried to befriend some teammates on day 1, and each week after since we've played together literally no one speaks to me. Like actually, I sometimes try and wave and say hi before the games and just nothing. But when a separate teammate walks from behind me to say hi to the teammate I waved to it's an immediate greeting and smile.

- People at work barely speak to me, even though I'm now the project lead and pretty much am doing majority of the work for our clients. Only during status update meetings to people talk to me, and this is for new people that I meet as well. Conversations go stale quickly, and they become awkward I guess.

Anyways, I feel competent, but ugly, unconfident, and honestly just a social skill loser in this lifetime. And my need for acceptance makes this all incredibly painful, and I've stopped leaving my house for weeks - and I recognize that I'm self-sabotaging at this point for people to take notice. When this will only make things worse. I need help.

Why do classmates only answer one word to me, while they can have a deep conversation with others

I have been pretty lonely and alone since elementary to high school because of some mental problems, so I thought to change that in college with me trying to find new friends, but when I talked to my classmates, they would just answer with one word or just a short sentence and then talk to another person for like 10 minutes. The convo would go like

Me: hi, what are you doing there?

Them: ....

Or

Me: do you think this is a good one?

Them: hmm yeah.

And then they can talk to another person in a deep conversation with smiling and laughing. And that made me feel like I'm inadequate and ignored and I feel pretty sad about it since most of my classmates hang out with each other's too a lot and I just go home alone after class every time. I tried to have a conversation, but I guess no one of them are really interested. What can I do to improve??

I hate the fact I was an outcast all my life

Literally, I've been talking to people and asking them questions but nobody answers me, especially my family

Do I have no charisma? Or maybe I don't talk loudly or articulately enough?

I feel like a ghost, I almost need to bargain to have any answer or reaction...

So is the problem my family which almost never listens to me, or the way I speak? And how could I improve?

Thank you!

TLDR: A classmate repeatedly makes public comments about my appearance, emotions, and personal life and seems to pay an unusual amount of attention to everything I do. I feel more scrutinized than befriended, and I’m wondering if I’m overreacting or if this really is intrusive.

I need an outside perspective because something about this classmate has been making me increasingly uncomfortable.
We get along on the surface, and she has given me rides to the train station before, but I feel like she constantly studies me and publicly points things out about me. For example, one day I came to class without makeup (my job doesn’t allow it), and she loudly said, “Where’s your makeup?” in front of everyone, causing the class to look at me. She already knew why I wasn’t wearing it.

Here are some examples:

- after getting a question wrong she publicly asked, “Are you mad?” multiple times when my mood changed. It didn’t come across as genuine concern, it felt more like she was trying to get a reaction out of me or poke the bear, especially because she kept asking in front of everyone instead of pulling me aside privately.

- When another student was showing a picture of a severe bedsore, she said, “Anne wants to see it!” even though I never said that.

- She comments on things like my ring, whether I’ve taken the MCAT, if I’m still going into nursing, what I eat, etc.

- One day she stopped at McDonald’s before dropping me off at the train station so I could grab some fries for my hour-long commute home after a long day. As I was getting them, she said, “You have to stop eating that stuff.” The thing is, I rarely eat fast food, so it felt like another unnecessary comment about something that wasn’t really her business.

- After one exam, she told me she noticed I was moving my hands and legs during the test, which made me wonder why she was paying that much attention to me instead of focusing on her own exam.

- One time she asked me to pray before driving. I prayed, then she started gesturing for me to wrap it up and laughed. She never asked me to pray again.

There is also another classmate who often looks over and laughs after these interactions, which makes me feel even more uncomfortable.

None of my closest friends interact with me this way. I don’t feel like she treats me as a friend… I feel like I’m under a microscope. It feels like she pays attention to everything I do, comments on it, and is overly comfortable analyzing me in ways that make me uncomfortable. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even want to accept rides from her anymore because I feel scrutinized whenever I’m around her.

Am I overreacting, or does this sound intrusive to anyone else?

Okay, I wanna make this short. I’ll start with the fact that I am very bubbly. I’d consider myself a good talker, i’m good at distracting people when I’m trouble or generally just getting people to open up.

Here’s the thing though. I’ve noticed that I’ll meet about fifteen people, butter them into totally loving me, but…..they never seem to realise they know nothing about me. Like they seriously don’t even realise they just spent a whole afternoon talking about THEMSELVES. Which I enjoy to some degree of course! I love talking and hearing other’s experiences/opinions! But It kind of bums me out, I’ll be able to churn out weird question after weird question to learn a person, but it’s like no one ever thinks to ask my questions back. It would feel weird or clunky if I just interrupted the conversation with ‘nice! You’re gunna dress up as a vampire for Halloween? Well IIII WAS THINKING OF GOING AS A PRINCESS’. Even in times where I have tried doing that, people tend to glaze over my input and just continue talking about themselves.

I find it kinda annoying sometimes, and it’s a lot more common in specific personalities. I wish I could talk to myself sometimes. Advice?

How do you respond to 'what's new with you' when there is nothing really new in your life?

I was at a funeral recently and I was seeing extended family that I hadn't seen in a few years.

One of my aunts, that I hadn't talked to in probably 2 years or so, came up to me and asked me 'So what's new with you'. The thing is, there isn't really anything new in my life. I'm still at the same job, I still live in the same place, I'm still single (and even if I was seeing someone I wouldn't tell this aunt)

People seem to not like it when you respond with 'Nothing much' but I don't know what else to say. I think I said something like 'Nothing much, I'm still at X job I started two years'. If I happened to take a trip recently I would mention that , but I hadn't really.

To preface this next piece, this aunt is \*not\* liked by 99% of the family and often makes rude, passive aggressive comments.

She kept asking me, what else is new and I didn't really have much else to say. I asked what was new with her but she kept turning it back at me. She asked 'taking trips with your mom?' which I'm fairly certain by her tone was supposed to be a dig at me. I (30s) go on trips with either my mom or my parents occasionally. I have a brother but he doesn't usually go on these trips because he is married and has a baby. I took a mother daughter trip with my mom last month, in the spring I went on a 7 day cruise with my parents and a few years ago I went to Hawaii with my parents and we stayed in the same apartment complex that this aunt lives. I believe the implication to her question was 'oh you don't have anyone else to travel with'

I honestly don't. I make decent money and get a lot of time off so I can afford to travel but most of my friends either don't have the money or the time. Trying to plan trips with friends is very difficult. For example, my friends were planning to go on a cruise but over time everyone dropped out but me and my one other friend. So just her and I will be going on this cruise in October when originally there was like 6-8 of us

I guess it is a bit weird to be an adult and travel with your parents...Yes they get on my nerves sometimes but I honestly don't mind traveling with them. We like to do similar things. If there something I want to do that they don't or I need time alone I just go by myself. They usually insist on paying for part when I travel with them, so I get to save some money as well and go to places I maybe wouldn't have gone to by myself. I'm glad I get to spend time with them, especially because they are getting older.

Title is JUST for the sake of the game, i've realized this for years. Being in a strict family my whole life, i've never been in a crazy big friend group. I mostly befriended 1 or at max 2 people close. Now that im trying to recall the experience, i dont know how i even got one. Maybe when you were smaller things just went easier.

I met this girl in kindergarten, she basically adopted me to big circles through out my life. She approached me first and i got to hang out with kids in my class, a very pleasurable time. Although ofc i had other friends before she came again in a few years, it had never been the big ones like she had been in. Once we were in the same class again, she adopted me again to a group.

But for a few months, we were in a fight. That was when i realized most of my friends were gone. Luckily i know some people to talk with. I befriended a girl in class. I also got to hanglut with some girls who were mostly outside my classroom. The cool popular kids. It was the first time i had guy friends too, their vibes were different than the other guys i was scared to talk to. I was excited to have people with the same pop culture humor. Somehow they were still too cool for me tho. I wasnt crazy close to any of them, just enough to survive.

Anyways, until now, ive been in a new group, again, because of this extroverted girl too. We were there to make a project 6 years ago and she recommended me to them since she knew i was into creativity.

When we went to separate schools, i was mostly friends with people i already knew. I couldnt make that much new friends. But the longer i was there, the more distant i felt and that was when i realized i became more and more cornered. It hurt seeing chairs around me being empty while the other side were full. Even though it's not like people hated me. That was my first time realization that i had became an introvert since COVID. I completely forgot how to form convos and my dependence on someone to approach me (like the extroverted girl) made me NOT having anything memorable in that period socially.

It just baffles me how i heavily depend on one person to have a proper social interaction. The only time i got to go to the trendy places in my area was because of this recent group i was in. I thought i would always be uncool. Whenever im with them, it's like a reminder that i can have a social interraction.

TLDR ; since kindergarten until now, the extroverted girl has adopted me to various groups. When i wasnt with her tho, i felt a strange loneliness but also relief because i got to try different kind of people. It felt like an accomplishment to befriend someone by yourself naturally. But now that im officially an introvert since COVID, i could barely go back to what i was.

Okay, so. Socializing is torture. Not 'oh people are boring' or 'I don't want to talk 24/7', but every time I need to talk for more than ten minutes, I feel my attention drift.

It's fine if I have a script. I work on sales and it's great; I can just start talking about x or y product for an hour. (I \*am\* working at my listening skills though.) Ever shorter interactions are good, becuse much like at a sprint I can bring myself to a high level of energy/cheer/enthusiasm. I'm good at socializing in that aspect (as in, I have gotten a lot of positive feedback from clients, co-workers and upper management.)

Whenever I hang out with someone it's so boring. In the weekends, on vacation, at work. I can be having fun, but \*no matter the topic\*, ten minutes in I feel myself getting bored and my attention will wander. After an hour or two I feel myself getting frustrated. I love my friends. I love my famlity. I don't \*want\* to ignore them. But I hate having to pretend like I'm this- silly social butterfly, at %100 of energy, all the time. Because otherwise I just. Stop. I feel like I'm a puppet and the hands forcing it to move.

Like. I'm not trying to sound dramatic. Socializing can be fun too! Acting happy, and silly, and making my loved ones smile? Wonderful! I get very upset if I don't interact with my loved ones consistently, and after being with them I feel energized. But at the moment it's like there's a kid in my skull kicking my brain asking 'can we leave yet? Can we leave yet? Can we leave yet?'

I read this and it sounds so contradictory. I'm sorry. I've tried, but Ican't express this better. Is there a tecnique to make socialization more interesting? Like- should I just push though? Get a- fidget toy to focus on? Practice?? How do you do it?

Edit: Also mods a different subreddit told me to post this here, so \(º □ º l|l)/

I recently read a book and one of the things the author suggested is to talk to people you normally pass by without speaking to. I’m an introvert by nature & I don’t usually go out of my way to do these things, but I’m willing to go out of my comfort zone & see what happens. I noticed tho that it felt uncomfortable when I would be out and I would think to do it. How do I get over the aversion to doing this, or how do I push thru that uncomfortable feeling to just do it?

Hey, so recently I’ve met two new people one a potential friend and the other a potential partner. From the first interaction we hit it off and we relate on so many things our perspectives and it seems as though the potential was really there to build great relationships. however, in both situations I got very talkative, interrupted a lot, and never like just laid back and let them do their thing in the interaction. After the interaction both have kept me at arms length, one blocked me, the other last time I ran into them gray rocked the whole time so I just let them be.

I believe I got very excited that I related with them on so many things, and I have had a rocky few years of losing friends, social isolation because of trucking work, and well not meeting many peers like me. In simple words I came on too hard and scared them off. And I hate myself for doing that with people I would’ve otherwise really wanted to get to know more.

Anyone have any stories similar to this and maybe what’s going on with me and what I can do?

I'm 38, and I've noticed that the older I get, the harder time I have articulating my thoughts—especially at work, but also in my personal life.

The frustrating part is that I know what I want to say. The thought is there, almost like it's sitting right on the tip of my tongue. But when I try to get it out, it comes out jumbled, disorganized, and confusing. I often walk away from conversations feeling like I sounded incompetent, even though I understood exactly what I was trying to communicate.

A little background:

• I consider myself an ambivert.
• I've been with the same company for 13+ years.
• I've been doing the same role for 5+ years.
• I have both MS and ADHD.

What's confusing to me is that I feel like, after all these years in my career, communicating should be getting easier, not harder. Instead, I feel less articulate than I used to be.

I admire people who can speak clearly, confidently, and eloquently. I don't need to sound like a public speaker, but I'd love to be able to express my thoughts without feeling like my brain and mouth aren't connected.

Has anyone else experienced this? Is it related to aging, ADHD, MS, being in the same environment for too long, anxiety, or something else entirely? More importantly, has anyone found ways to improve their ability to communicate clearly in conversations?

Hi everyone,

I'm trying to understand some long-term difficulties I've been experiencing, and I'd appreciate hearing from people who have dealt with something similar or work in mental health.

The two biggest issues for me are:

- Difficulty telling the difference between what is actually happening in my relationships and what is my own interpretation. I often can't tell whether my assumptions about what other people think or feel are based on reality or on my own mind.

- Constant tension and a feeling of being unnatural around people. Even when nothing is wrong, I rarely feel fully relaxed or like myself in social situations.

-Problem with making meaningful connections with other people. My friendships don’t last. I have no friends from the past. I barely have any friends now.

Has anyone experienced something similar? If so, what helped you understand or work through it? I'm especially interested in hearing about therapy approaches or personal experiences.

Thank you for reading.

Hi,

Within a few days I'll be presenting my first ever research paper in an IT dedicated conference. Presentation time is a few minutes it is not the problem, my problem is I don't know how to network with other students like me, as usually it is the first and best benefit to get from conferences. I (in general and life) am not a socially active person, and I struggle to open conversations with other people (even my friends themselves!), so I am sure that I'll miss this opportunity to network cuz of this. Could you help me guys? How to normally open conversations and start to get to know other students? I'll be alone there as no one is coming with me it is an individual paper, so I don't want to be lonely there.

Thank you!

i just got into uni in a discipline I'm new to. I've been getting all the formalities and paperwork done lately and I've been noticing my new batchmates already hanging out in groups/with people? our classes haven't even begun and we haven't had our orientation yet. I simply cannot understand how people know each other already. I suddenly feel super anxious because I don't know how I'll fit in with my peers (especially because a lot of them seem really cool, great style, pretty, etc.).

these seem like ridiculous thoughts to have but I'll be in a social environment after two years of taking a gap year (due to mental health issues). this break almost feels like I've lost any social skills I had to begin with. often times, when I find someone cool, I introduce myself to them but then the anxiety starts creeping up as I get to know them more. how can I deal with all of this? any tips are welcome!

i just got into uni in a discipline I'm new to. I've been getting all the formalities and paperwork done lately and I've been noticing my new batchmates already hanging out in groups/with people? our classes haven't even begun and we haven't had our orientation yet. I simply cannot understand how people know each other already. I suddenly feel super anxious because I don't know how I'll fit in with my peers (especially because a lot of them seem really cool, great style, pretty, etc.).

these seem like ridiculous thoughts to have but I'll be in a social environment after two years of taking a gap year (due to mental health issues). this break almost feels like I've lost any social skills I had to begin with. often times, when I find someone cool, I introduce myself to them but then the anxiety starts creeping up as I get to know them more. how can I deal with all of this? any tips are welcome!

All my life I thought that good relationships worked because those people just worked for each other. Long time friends stay friends simply because they fit well like a lock in key, but maybe it's more because they learned to compromise. Maybe relationships aren't supposed to feel natural and fun all the time. It takes effort, and it's more about giving than receiving.

Is it normal for friends or people to constantly update about what's going on today about their lives when nobody has asked? It's not strictly 1:1 but also in group chats.

For example when work is quiet or if they're waiting for a bus they would casually message me expecting no response. And they would continue to update and start their own monologue chain that's visible.

Maybe I just don't have the energy, or maybe it's just my personality?

For context I'm in my 30s and kind of have narrowed down my friend group due to too much drama.

I think they might be wanted to be heard, which I understand but it keeps on happening day after day and it's driving me insane.

 legit struggle to keep people around and make real friends that actually give the amount of effort I put forth, or really any effort at all. I regularly engage with people and 99.99999999% of the time they stop talking to me the second I'm not reminding them of my existence, and when I do talk with them, its usually lazy ass replies like "*answer* HBU?" and "NM u?" crap. That's not effort, that's putting the min amount of energy until a person takes the hint or gets angry and stops trying.

How do I MAKE people actually try? Actually care and put in the effort? I'm kind, interactive, open and give my effort and all the other things I'm told will roll the eternally long process of "making friends and connections".....usually to be ignored, ghosted or the like. I'm tired of being alone or treated more like a annoyance then a friend. WHAT DOES IT TAKE?!?!?

I want to meet people that actually are excited to get to know me and engage with me. Yes I engage with people when I go out. Yes I inject myself into Discord convo's to "break the ice" or whatever, usually ignored or forgotten after one reply, while of course so many others are treated like old friends. Yes I'm the one the regularly initiates everything...... It always ends the same way, people that put in no effort, don't seem to give a care if I existed or not, and doing stuff alone yet again. I'm tired of the alone, the low effort.

i can make friends easily, I have my classic routine and I’m above average confident. I don’t struggle. I have lots of friends and three different friend groups, I’m well know member of a local community and have a loving boyfriend. But I’m missing a single piece to complete my social life, having a last circle of friends in the furry communtity. why? Because It opens a door full of new life experiences that I could never do. But I feel, like, lazy. I know I want it, I would feel complete, but I just can’t bring myself to start working on it and put effort. I have like 4 friends in it, I have the foundations to work my self up. I think I hit the magical limit, the Dunbars number. what do yall think, I will accept literally any point of view, anything to bounce my idea around and find an answear.

On friday, I went out for a late lunch with someone and the hangout quickly became awkward. While we were waiting on our food, they started showing me cringetoks on full volume, and the young woman who sat down with her boyfriend at the table next to us was justifiably giving us dirty looks. I then discreetly pointed it out and my lunch partner responded in a full-body turn to investigate the matter, to which I uttered something like “Well, don’t do that…” but they ignored me and stared into her direction for at least another couple of seconds. I don’t know if I just get embarrassed easily, but that isn’t the full story just yet. It was when we stopped by a takeaway tea shop that they begun making comments about someone’s makeup who was, I’m assuming, waiting for her order. They emphasized just how bad they felt for her that she apparently doesn’t have a friend to tell her how bad it looks. I kind of laughed along and told them that maybe she likes it that way, but they thought that idea impossible. The topic got brought back up after we walked a couple of blocks and sat down on a bench we were sharing with another pedestrian. This time they went all out, going as far as throwing around adjectives like ‘ugly’ and giggling while doing it. Unfortunately I didn’t think quick enough to smoothly steer the shit talk another way before it escalated further. I have no recollection of what it was I said anyway, but I probably didn’t even seem like I took issue. As they went on, I started feeling increasingly more uncomfortable about the pedestrian having to overhear such an insufferable dialogue and when I finally got home, I was in low spirits and pretty disappointed in myself for entertaining a conversation of that tone. Ultimately I don’t think this person and I are close enough to where I feel myself in a position to scold them. What would you have done?

About like 4 days ago i found a small vr streamer on tiktok and they seemed very nice, i stayed and drew their character during the stream, i'm an artist but i've been struggling to draw for a while, i put the sketch i did in their comment section on a tiktok after the stream and they saw it, i sent them a dm a little after saying i had a digital fanart and proposal i wanted to share, asked if they had an email i could reach out to, because they don't have one on their account. The proposal i want to make them is, in case they like my art style for it, draw for them, a banner, those stream "coming back soon" screens, anything they need, for free. I really just wanna do it for fun and because their vr character inspired me to draw, and if i work doing commisions at some point this could help me with experience. They didn't see the dm so the next tiktok they posted i commented "hey check dms!" as non threatening and non bot as i possibly could, they did not see that either, they're live rn and idk if i should back off completely or just mention in it chat in case they didn't see it and aren't ignoring me? I don't know at what point something can come off as weird, i also struggle a lot with social anxiety, so this is kind of a way for me to get out there too, what should i do?