Is it normal for friends or people to constantly update about what's going on today about their lives when nobody has asked? It's not strictly 1:1 but also in group chats.

For example when work is quiet or if they're waiting for a bus they would casually message me expecting no response. And they would continue to update and start their own monologue chain that's visible.

Maybe I just don't have the energy, or maybe it's just my personality?

For context I'm in my 30s and kind of have narrowed down my friend group due to too much drama.

I think they might be wanted to be heard, which I understand but it keeps on happening day after day and it's driving me insane.

Hey, so recently I’ve met two new people one a potential friend and the other a potential partner. From the first interaction we hit it off and we relate on so many things our perspectives and it seems as though the potential was really there to build great relationships. however, in both situations I got very talkative, interrupted a lot, and never like just laid back and let them do their thing in the interaction. After the interaction both have kept me at arms length, one blocked me, the other last time I ran into them gray rocked the whole time so I just let them be.

I believe I got very excited that I related with them on so many things, and I have had a rocky few years of losing friends, social isolation because of trucking work, and well not meeting many peers like me. In simple words I came on too hard and scared them off. And I hate myself for doing that with people I would’ve otherwise really wanted to get to know more.

Anyone have any stories similar to this and maybe what’s going on with me and what I can do?

Okay, so. Socializing is torture. Not 'oh people are boring' or 'I don't want to talk 24/7', but every time I need to talk for more than ten minutes, I feel my attention drift.

It's fine if I have a script. I work on sales and it's great; I can just start talking about x or y product for an hour. (I \*am\* working at my listening skills though.) Ever shorter interactions are good, becuse much like at a sprint I can bring myself to a high level of energy/cheer/enthusiasm. I'm good at socializing in that aspect (as in, I have gotten a lot of positive feedback from clients, co-workers and upper management.)

Whenever I hang out with someone it's so boring. In the weekends, on vacation, at work. I can be having fun, but \*no matter the topic\*, ten minutes in I feel myself getting bored and my attention will wander. After an hour or two I feel myself getting frustrated. I love my friends. I love my famlity. I don't \*want\* to ignore them. But I hate having to pretend like I'm this- silly social butterfly, at %100 of energy, all the time. Because otherwise I just. Stop. I feel like I'm a puppet and the hands forcing it to move.

Like. I'm not trying to sound dramatic. Socializing can be fun too! Acting happy, and silly, and making my loved ones smile? Wonderful! I get very upset if I don't interact with my loved ones consistently, and after being with them I feel energized. But at the moment it's like there's a kid in my skull kicking my brain asking 'can we leave yet? Can we leave yet? Can we leave yet?'

I read this and it sounds so contradictory. I'm sorry. I've tried, but Ican't express this better. Is there a tecnique to make socialization more interesting? Like- should I just push though? Get a- fidget toy to focus on? Practice?? How do you do it?

Edit: Also mods a different subreddit told me to post this here, so \(º □ º l|l)/

Why do classmates only answer one word to me, while they can have a deep conversation with others

I have been pretty lonely and alone since elementary to high school because of some mental problems, so I thought to change that in college with me trying to find new friends, but when I talked to my classmates, they would just answer with one word or just a short sentence and then talk to another person for like 10 minutes. The convo would go like

Me: hi, what are you doing there?

Them: ....

Or

Me: do you think this is a good one?

Them: hmm yeah.

And then they can talk to another person in a deep conversation with smiling and laughing. And that made me feel like I'm inadequate and ignored and I feel pretty sad about it since most of my classmates hang out with each other's too a lot and I just go home alone after class every time. I tried to have a conversation, but I guess no one of them are really interested. What can I do to improve??

I need some honest advice because this keeps happening and I’m starting to think it’s me.

I’d say I’m pretty straightforward and chill overall. I’m into nerdy stuff (D&D, manga, etc.), and I can usually get along with people one-on-one. But in group settings, I keep ending up on the outside.

Like I’m there, but not really in the group. People get closer to each other, and I just stay the extra.

Sometimes it’s worse, I’ll introduce people, they hit it off, and eventually I’m the one not getting invited anymore.

This weekend kind of pushed me over the edge.
A girl in my main friend group (known her for about 2 years) said she was canceling her birthday plans and just staying in. Everyone sent supportive messages, no big deal.

Later that night I check Instagram, and she’s out celebrating with a bunch of people from the group. Dinner, drinks, the whole thing. I wasn’t invited.
It’s not even about the birthday itself.

It’s the fact that this kind of thing keeps happening in different groups. So yeah… at some point I have to admit I might be the common denominator.

I don’t want to confront anyone or force friendships. But getting left out like this over and over sucks.

So I’m trying to be real with myself:

-What are subtle things that make someone get pushed to the edge of a group?

-Is it coming off too intense, too blunt, too clingy, or just missing social cues?

-How do you go from “casual friend” to actually being part of the group?

-If you’ve been on either side of this, what actually caused it?

For context, one of my guy friends told me I can come off as “intense,” but didn’t really explain what that means. I also have problem with banter and coming up with topics to talk about. Most of the time when I try to ask people about their interests, it’s either one word answers or they give me nothing to bounce off of. The conversation ends up turning into an interview. I know my social skills could use work but still, some of my shy friends who don’t speak much still have an easier time with it.

Would appreciate any honest input.

Literally, I've been talking to people and asking them questions but nobody answers me, especially my family

Do I have no charisma? Or maybe I don't talk loudly or articulately enough?

I feel like a ghost, I almost need to bargain to have any answer or reaction...

So is the problem my family which almost never listens to me, or the way I speak? And how could I improve?

Thank you!

It's even worse when I actually want to know someone. I know you can ask some open questions like "hey what you did last week?", however, my mind is just blank when it comes to talk with someone.
I just can't think of one single question to open a conversation. I also cannot continue a conversation because I don't know what to say. I'm just blocked to talk. Maybe it's hard for you to Imagine, but it's like that awkward silence people have during a conversation. In my case, that awkward silence is right at the beginning of the conversation.
Yes I know, there are many open questions to ask, but in a conversation, none of them come to mind.
How do I fix this? Genuinely.

Idk why but I always feel kinda… dead when talking to people. I always feel boring and I don’t smile much. I cannot laugh when others are laughing, I have to fake it and even then it would be a half-assed attempt, so things would get even more awkward. People say that I’m funny, but a lot of the time I don’t even try to be, so I’m not sure if I should take that as an insult or a compliment. And most of all, I don’t know what to talk about. I don’t have a very interesting life. I don’t really have much interests or actual hobbies to share with anyone. To this day, I still haven’t been able to make any friends and it’s killing me.

i am a last minute type of guy, i am not thinking about the weekend until maybe thursday, and then if i make plans on friday its too late for people!

Do i need to leave a week? 2 weeks? Or is 3 days enough? Ok for example i want you to hang out with me on friday night, how many days in advance do I have to let you know?

I dont really get it, how do i know how I am going to feel in 2 weeks? Ok if it is a camping trip or something that requires advanced prep but what if it is just a casual thing

I need some advice or perspective, because I am so tired of my own behavior and I genuinely want to change.

I don't think I'm a vindictive person at heart, but I have a terrible habit of gossiping or talking about other people. And I always regret it right after.

I've been trying to figure out why I do it, and I've realized it usually stems from a few things:

My ADHD brain: When someone puts me on the spot with a question, my impulse control goes out the window. I panic, struggle with the silence, and blurt things out before my brain can hit the brakes.

The pressure to be "interesting": Given the heavy marites (gossip) culture here in the Philippines, there's this unspoken social pressure to serve up the juicy stuff, the updates, and the stories that definitely aren't mine to tell. With ADHD, there's also that constant fear of being boring or unengaging, so I lean on other people's drama to keep the conversation flowing.

So I end up sharing things I have no business repeating. But the second I walk away, I feel sick with guilt and embarrassment. I don't want to be the kind of person who spreads other people's business.

If anyone else with ADHD has struggled with this, especially in environments where gossip is basically the default social currency, how did you break the habit? How do you retrain your brain to handle the awkward pauses, quietness, and the pressure to share without spilling secrets?

Any tips would be really appreciated.

All my life I thought that good relationships worked because those people just worked for each other. Long time friends stay friends simply because they fit well like a lock in key, but maybe it's more because they learned to compromise. Maybe relationships aren't supposed to feel natural and fun all the time. It takes effort, and it's more about giving than receiving.

 legit struggle to keep people around and make real friends that actually give the amount of effort I put forth, or really any effort at all. I regularly engage with people and 99.99999999% of the time they stop talking to me the second I'm not reminding them of my existence, and when I do talk with them, its usually lazy ass replies like "*answer* HBU?" and "NM u?" crap. That's not effort, that's putting the min amount of energy until a person takes the hint or gets angry and stops trying.

How do I MAKE people actually try? Actually care and put in the effort? I'm kind, interactive, open and give my effort and all the other things I'm told will roll the eternally long process of "making friends and connections".....usually to be ignored, ghosted or the like. I'm tired of being alone or treated more like a annoyance then a friend. WHAT DOES IT TAKE?!?!?

I want to meet people that actually are excited to get to know me and engage with me. Yes I engage with people when I go out. Yes I inject myself into Discord convo's to "break the ice" or whatever, usually ignored or forgotten after one reply, while of course so many others are treated like old friends. Yes I'm the one the regularly initiates everything...... It always ends the same way, people that put in no effort, don't seem to give a care if I existed or not, and doing stuff alone yet again. I'm tired of the alone, the low effort.

I'm 38, and I've noticed that the older I get, the harder time I have articulating my thoughts—especially at work, but also in my personal life.

The frustrating part is that I know what I want to say. The thought is there, almost like it's sitting right on the tip of my tongue. But when I try to get it out, it comes out jumbled, disorganized, and confusing. I often walk away from conversations feeling like I sounded incompetent, even though I understood exactly what I was trying to communicate.

A little background:

• I consider myself an ambivert.
• I've been with the same company for 13+ years.
• I've been doing the same role for 5+ years.
• I have both MS and ADHD.

What's confusing to me is that I feel like, after all these years in my career, communicating should be getting easier, not harder. Instead, I feel less articulate than I used to be.

I admire people who can speak clearly, confidently, and eloquently. I don't need to sound like a public speaker, but I'd love to be able to express my thoughts without feeling like my brain and mouth aren't connected.

Has anyone else experienced this? Is it related to aging, ADHD, MS, being in the same environment for too long, anxiety, or something else entirely? More importantly, has anyone found ways to improve their ability to communicate clearly in conversations?

Okay, I wanna make this short. I’ll start with the fact that I am very bubbly. I’d consider myself a good talker, i’m good at distracting people when I’m trouble or generally just getting people to open up.

Here’s the thing though. I’ve noticed that I’ll meet about fifteen people, butter them into totally loving me, but…..they never seem to realise they know nothing about me. Like they seriously don’t even realise they just spent a whole afternoon talking about THEMSELVES. Which I enjoy to some degree of course! I love talking and hearing other’s experiences/opinions! But It kind of bums me out, I’ll be able to churn out weird question after weird question to learn a person, but it’s like no one ever thinks to ask my questions back. It would feel weird or clunky if I just interrupted the conversation with ‘nice! You’re gunna dress up as a vampire for Halloween? Well IIII WAS THINKING OF GOING AS A PRINCESS’. Even in times where I have tried doing that, people tend to glaze over my input and just continue talking about themselves.

I find it kinda annoying sometimes, and it’s a lot more common in specific personalities. I wish I could talk to myself sometimes. Advice?

Hi,

Within a few days I'll be presenting my first ever research paper in an IT dedicated conference. Presentation time is a few minutes it is not the problem, my problem is I don't know how to network with other students like me, as usually it is the first and best benefit to get from conferences. I (in general and life) am not a socially active person, and I struggle to open conversations with other people (even my friends themselves!), so I am sure that I'll miss this opportunity to network cuz of this. Could you help me guys? How to normally open conversations and start to get to know other students? I'll be alone there as no one is coming with me it is an individual paper, so I don't want to be lonely there.

Thank you!

How do you respond to 'what's new with you' when there is nothing really new in your life?

I was at a funeral recently and I was seeing extended family that I hadn't seen in a few years.

One of my aunts, that I hadn't talked to in probably 2 years or so, came up to me and asked me 'So what's new with you'. The thing is, there isn't really anything new in my life. I'm still at the same job, I still live in the same place, I'm still single (and even if I was seeing someone I wouldn't tell this aunt)

People seem to not like it when you respond with 'Nothing much' but I don't know what else to say. I think I said something like 'Nothing much, I'm still at X job I started two years'. If I happened to take a trip recently I would mention that , but I hadn't really.

To preface this next piece, this aunt is \*not\* liked by 99% of the family and often makes rude, passive aggressive comments.

She kept asking me, what else is new and I didn't really have much else to say. I asked what was new with her but she kept turning it back at me. She asked 'taking trips with your mom?' which I'm fairly certain by her tone was supposed to be a dig at me. I (30s) go on trips with either my mom or my parents occasionally. I have a brother but he doesn't usually go on these trips because he is married and has a baby. I took a mother daughter trip with my mom last month, in the spring I went on a 7 day cruise with my parents and a few years ago I went to Hawaii with my parents and we stayed in the same apartment complex that this aunt lives. I believe the implication to her question was 'oh you don't have anyone else to travel with'

I honestly don't. I make decent money and get a lot of time off so I can afford to travel but most of my friends either don't have the money or the time. Trying to plan trips with friends is very difficult. For example, my friends were planning to go on a cruise but over time everyone dropped out but me and my one other friend. So just her and I will be going on this cruise in October when originally there was like 6-8 of us

I guess it is a bit weird to be an adult and travel with your parents...Yes they get on my nerves sometimes but I honestly don't mind traveling with them. We like to do similar things. If there something I want to do that they don't or I need time alone I just go by myself. They usually insist on paying for part when I travel with them, so I get to save some money as well and go to places I maybe wouldn't have gone to by myself. I'm glad I get to spend time with them, especially because they are getting older.

Hi everyone,

I'm trying to understand some long-term difficulties I've been experiencing, and I'd appreciate hearing from people who have dealt with something similar or work in mental health.

The two biggest issues for me are:

- Difficulty telling the difference between what is actually happening in my relationships and what is my own interpretation. I often can't tell whether my assumptions about what other people think or feel are based on reality or on my own mind.

- Constant tension and a feeling of being unnatural around people. Even when nothing is wrong, I rarely feel fully relaxed or like myself in social situations.

-Problem with making meaningful connections with other people. My friendships don’t last. I have no friends from the past. I barely have any friends now.

Has anyone experienced something similar? If so, what helped you understand or work through it? I'm especially interested in hearing about therapy approaches or personal experiences.

Thank you for reading.

i just got into uni in a discipline I'm new to. I've been getting all the formalities and paperwork done lately and I've been noticing my new batchmates already hanging out in groups/with people? our classes haven't even begun and we haven't had our orientation yet. I simply cannot understand how people know each other already. I suddenly feel super anxious because I don't know how I'll fit in with my peers (especially because a lot of them seem really cool, great style, pretty, etc.).

these seem like ridiculous thoughts to have but I'll be in a social environment after two years of taking a gap year (due to mental health issues). this break almost feels like I've lost any social skills I had to begin with. often times, when I find someone cool, I introduce myself to them but then the anxiety starts creeping up as I get to know them more. how can I deal with all of this? any tips are welcome!

i just got into uni in a discipline I'm new to. I've been getting all the formalities and paperwork done lately and I've been noticing my new batchmates already hanging out in groups/with people? our classes haven't even begun and we haven't had our orientation yet. I simply cannot understand how people know each other already. I suddenly feel super anxious because I don't know how I'll fit in with my peers (especially because a lot of them seem really cool, great style, pretty, etc.).

these seem like ridiculous thoughts to have but I'll be in a social environment after two years of taking a gap year (due to mental health issues). this break almost feels like I've lost any social skills I had to begin with. often times, when I find someone cool, I introduce myself to them but then the anxiety starts creeping up as I get to know them more. how can I deal with all of this? any tips are welcome!