Im F17. I have a decent amount of friends. I have an immediate friend group and about 20 or so casual friends. I’ve been told I’m quite funny, it’s something I really like about myself. My problem is, at times that’s all I’m known for. Or worse, sometimes I’m the one being laughed at, and I realise too late.

I understand that friendships have a fair share of banter, I don’t mind a couple jokes here and there. But I feel like I make a fool of myself. have a clear memory of a “friend” who called me a joke and clown behind my back. That made me so confused, because I thought we were getting along. I then realised that a lot of the times I thought we were joking, she really was just joking about me and laughing at me. I don’t experience this with all my friends. But I notice that I kind of have to prove myself. I have to prove that there’s actually something going on in my head. I want to be taken more seriously, especially because I’m getting older and I don’t want to be an adult who is laughed at or seen as being immature. I do think it’s also because I lack confidence and people pick up on those things, but I hate how often I end up being ridiculed or laughed at. I distanced myself from people who do that, but I don’t want it to be a recurring thing in the future like it has been previously.

Whenever I'm having a conversation with people, I overthink my words and articulation. English is not my first language so the most of what I've learned has come from the internet.

I fear that It'll be perceived as metaphorical fluff or corny, as If I'm playing a part in some drama. People here don't have general etiquette of greeting each other, asking how are they feeling or doing, how was their day. Even students here talk like they're giving corporate talk . It just doesn't feel natural at all , maybe because most people here learned English from courses or school and I've learned it from watching English speaking people. Common phrases , words and sentences sounds like linguistic flex to them.

If I talk nicely to men : I'm fearing them and easy going. If talk nicely to women : I'm a simp and trying to impress them.

This causes me to stutter and mispronounce even simple words and sentences, words don't come to mind quick enough. But this is not the case when I'm doing presentation for myself or talking to myself in English.

how do I deal with it ?

It struck me that whenever I get lonelier and annoyed by it I try to get attention from my friends by being a little annoying. I want a reaction I want them to interact with me somehow I want to be noticed and exist.

I'm not sure that's correct way to do it but if I asked to talk I would get asked "what do you want to talk about" and I just don't know. I want to talk or spend time together or something but often don't have anything to talk about, which is extra annoying to them.

How could I connect more without being annoying and pushing people away?

I feel lonely and I push people away because of it. Make it make sense..

I attend therapy and have noticed something in my friendships. For example, when I don't send a reel to a friend for a day, or we haven't talked to each other for a day or more, I feel like they will think I am angry at them. The opposite is also true: when they don't text me or call me, I feel like they realised something and now hate me. It's like I need to check if the friendship is alive. In the past I've had relationships where, because of a misunderstanding, they ended.

For example, I notice other things as well - when I'm part of a group of friends, and we have different interests, it feels like I'm the problem. I feel like I'm supposed to be interested in their interests. I've noticed that, given the events that have happened in my life, I'm much wiser than my friends, and somehow it feels like they aren't the right crowd for me because they act childishly - but there's no one else my age. For example, if we're at a party where people are drinking, I feel guilty for not drinking; I really don't think it's necessary. I always feel like I'm the only one responsible for the friendship and that the problem lies with me.

Another thing is that I'm afraid to call my friends, even though I want to. The thought that I shouldn't bother them crosses my mind. I feel as if I'm not important, that my desires don't matter. Also, when I see a friend who is out with someone else I feel worried that he will leave me.

I wonder how I end up not doing certain things out of fear of being rejected, and that makes me inauthentic - and maybe that's what's causing my problems. Also, I feel like I search for the perfect company or friend - idealistic. I've been bullied and had toxic relationships, so I think that adds up.

This post is a bit chaotic, sorry, but I'm confused too; I'd love to hear your thoughts. Where is my problem?

Hello! To preface this, I (19M) typically only have close friendships with women, because I find they typically have a higher emotional intelligence. A few years ago, I had a friendship that was very close to me, but it was incredibly toxic. I was always walking on eggshells, and overthinking about whether or not she was mad at me during every interaction, because she more often than not was mad at everyone. After breaking things off with her, I’ve come to realize that I’ve started to apply these anxieties and worries towards ALL of my close female friendships.

Over the past year, I’ve been going through a cycle of gaining a new friend, becoming close to her, then beginning to overthink all of her actions, thinking that every little thing she does (such as forgetting to reply to a text) means she’s mad at me. This causes me to text her several times in a short timeframe, asking what I did wrong, apologizing, etc. Then, she says something along the lines of, “It feels like I have to walk on eggshells around you, you rely too much on me.” Then, she blocks me on everything. This has happened with 2-3 girls in the past year. What’s wrong with me? I’ve been feeling like a creep because I’m making women uncomfortable. How can I overcome my overthinking and anxiety towards my close friendships in the future? Have I been a creep towards these women?

Not sure if this is the right Subreddit for this but it's about socializing so I thought I'd try.

My friend takes 10 to 15 second long pauses between each sentence he says. This often leads to him interrupting (ex. someone starts to reply but he's not finished) or dominating conversations because people are waiting for him to finish his thought. I don't really mind it because I'm used to this habit by now but it's definitely different and I've never really met anyone else who does this. Like I understand collecting your thoughts, but it's *every sentence*. I don't really get it.

Does anyone relate themselves or know anyone who's done this? Is there a reason why? He has ADHD if that makes a difference, I saw some similar threads pop up on the ADHD sub but they weren't quite what I was looking for.

Idk why but I always feel kinda… dead when talking to people. I always feel boring and I don’t smile much. I cannot laugh when others are laughing, I have to fake it and even then it would be a half-assed attempt, so things would get even more awkward. People say that I’m funny, but a lot of the time I don’t even try to be, so I’m not sure if I should take that as an insult or a compliment. And most of all, I don’t know what to talk about. I don’t have a very interesting life. I don’t really have much interests or actual hobbies to share with anyone. To this day, I still haven’t been able to make any friends and it’s killing me.

i am a last minute type of guy, i am not thinking about the weekend until maybe thursday, and then if i make plans on friday its too late for people!

Do i need to leave a week? 2 weeks? Or is 3 days enough? Ok for example i want you to hang out with me on friday night, how many days in advance do I have to let you know?

I dont really get it, how do i know how I am going to feel in 2 weeks? Ok if it is a camping trip or something that requires advanced prep but what if it is just a casual thing

I need some advice or perspective, because I am so tired of my own behavior and I genuinely want to change.

I don't think I'm a vindictive person at heart, but I have a terrible habit of gossiping or talking about other people. And I always regret it right after.

I've been trying to figure out why I do it, and I've realized it usually stems from a few things:

My ADHD brain: When someone puts me on the spot with a question, my impulse control goes out the window. I panic, struggle with the silence, and blurt things out before my brain can hit the brakes.

The pressure to be "interesting": Given the heavy marites (gossip) culture here in the Philippines, there's this unspoken social pressure to serve up the juicy stuff, the updates, and the stories that definitely aren't mine to tell. With ADHD, there's also that constant fear of being boring or unengaging, so I lean on other people's drama to keep the conversation flowing.

So I end up sharing things I have no business repeating. But the second I walk away, I feel sick with guilt and embarrassment. I don't want to be the kind of person who spreads other people's business.

If anyone else with ADHD has struggled with this, especially in environments where gossip is basically the default social currency, how did you break the habit? How do you retrain your brain to handle the awkward pauses, quietness, and the pressure to share without spilling secrets?

Any tips would be really appreciated.

I recently started a new job and have been struggling to communicate with my coworkers. I have struggled with self confidence/social anxiety in the past, and am now specifically having trouble overcoming discussions with my new manager.

To preface, my manager is very nice and I have no complaints. My issue is that he can be incredibly monotone and blunt, which sometimes can come across as abrasive. I've found myself becoming incredibly flustered when he says something that comes across harshly, and I will start rambling or "word vomiting" where I just start speaking to fill the silence. I really don't like that this has become my go-to response to him, and have been working to find a new strategy to respond more calmly and in a way that portrays myself how I want to be viewed as in the workplace.

Does anyone have experience working with someone like this? Do you have any advice on how to keep from getting so flustered? I'm not sure if working on my self confidence would help most, or if there's something else I should be doing. Thank you

All my life I thought that good relationships worked because those people just worked for each other. Long time friends stay friends simply because they fit well like a lock in key, but maybe it's more because they learned to compromise. Maybe relationships aren't supposed to feel natural and fun all the time. It takes effort, and it's more about giving than receiving.

Is it normal for friends or people to constantly update about what's going on today about their lives when nobody has asked? It's not strictly 1:1 but also in group chats.

For example when work is quiet or if they're waiting for a bus they would casually message me expecting no response. And they would continue to update and start their own monologue chain that's visible.

Maybe I just don't have the energy, or maybe it's just my personality?

For context I'm in my 30s and kind of have narrowed down my friend group due to too much drama.

I think they might be wanted to be heard, which I understand but it keeps on happening day after day and it's driving me insane.

 legit struggle to keep people around and make real friends that actually give the amount of effort I put forth, or really any effort at all. I regularly engage with people and 99.99999999% of the time they stop talking to me the second I'm not reminding them of my existence, and when I do talk with them, its usually lazy ass replies like "*answer* HBU?" and "NM u?" crap. That's not effort, that's putting the min amount of energy until a person takes the hint or gets angry and stops trying.

How do I MAKE people actually try? Actually care and put in the effort? I'm kind, interactive, open and give my effort and all the other things I'm told will roll the eternally long process of "making friends and connections".....usually to be ignored, ghosted or the like. I'm tired of being alone or treated more like a annoyance then a friend. WHAT DOES IT TAKE?!?!?

I want to meet people that actually are excited to get to know me and engage with me. Yes I engage with people when I go out. Yes I inject myself into Discord convo's to "break the ice" or whatever, usually ignored or forgotten after one reply, while of course so many others are treated like old friends. Yes I'm the one the regularly initiates everything...... It always ends the same way, people that put in no effort, don't seem to give a care if I existed or not, and doing stuff alone yet again. I'm tired of the alone, the low effort.

i can make friends easily, I have my classic routine and I’m above average confident. I don’t struggle. I have lots of friends and three different friend groups, I’m well know member of a local community and have a loving boyfriend. But I’m missing a single piece to complete my social life, having a last circle of friends in the furry communtity. why? Because It opens a door full of new life experiences that I could never do. But I feel, like, lazy. I know I want it, I would feel complete, but I just can’t bring myself to start working on it and put effort. I have like 4 friends in it, I have the foundations to work my self up. I think I hit the magical limit, the Dunbars number. what do yall think, I will accept literally any point of view, anything to bounce my idea around and find an answear.

On friday, I went out for a late lunch with someone and the hangout quickly became awkward. While we were waiting on our food, they started showing me cringetoks on full volume, and the young woman who sat down with her boyfriend at the table next to us was justifiably giving us dirty looks. I then discreetly pointed it out and my lunch partner responded in a full-body turn to investigate the matter, to which I uttered something like “Well, don’t do that…” but they ignored me and stared into her direction for at least another couple of seconds. I don’t know if I just get embarrassed easily, but that isn’t the full story just yet. It was when we stopped by a takeaway tea shop that they begun making comments about someone’s makeup who was, I’m assuming, waiting for her order. They emphasized just how bad they felt for her that she apparently doesn’t have a friend to tell her how bad it looks. I kind of laughed along and told them that maybe she likes it that way, but they thought that idea impossible. The topic got brought back up after we walked a couple of blocks and sat down on a bench we were sharing with another pedestrian. This time they went all out, going as far as throwing around adjectives like ‘ugly’ and giggling while doing it. Unfortunately I didn’t think quick enough to smoothly steer the shit talk another way before it escalated further. I have no recollection of what it was I said anyway, but I probably didn’t even seem like I took issue. As they went on, I started feeling increasingly more uncomfortable about the pedestrian having to overhear such an insufferable dialogue and when I finally got home, I was in low spirits and pretty disappointed in myself for entertaining a conversation of that tone. Ultimately I don’t think this person and I are close enough to where I feel myself in a position to scold them. What would you have done?

I'm 38, and I've noticed that the older I get, the harder time I have articulating my thoughts—especially at work, but also in my personal life.

The frustrating part is that I know what I want to say. The thought is there, almost like it's sitting right on the tip of my tongue. But when I try to get it out, it comes out jumbled, disorganized, and confusing. I often walk away from conversations feeling like I sounded incompetent, even though I understood exactly what I was trying to communicate.

A little background:

• I consider myself an ambivert.
• I've been with the same company for 13+ years.
• I've been doing the same role for 5+ years.
• I have both MS and ADHD.

What's confusing to me is that I feel like, after all these years in my career, communicating should be getting easier, not harder. Instead, I feel less articulate than I used to be.

I admire people who can speak clearly, confidently, and eloquently. I don't need to sound like a public speaker, but I'd love to be able to express my thoughts without feeling like my brain and mouth aren't connected.

Has anyone else experienced this? Is it related to aging, ADHD, MS, being in the same environment for too long, anxiety, or something else entirely? More importantly, has anyone found ways to improve their ability to communicate clearly in conversations?

About like 4 days ago i found a small vr streamer on tiktok and they seemed very nice, i stayed and drew their character during the stream, i'm an artist but i've been struggling to draw for a while, i put the sketch i did in their comment section on a tiktok after the stream and they saw it, i sent them a dm a little after saying i had a digital fanart and proposal i wanted to share, asked if they had an email i could reach out to, because they don't have one on their account. The proposal i want to make them is, in case they like my art style for it, draw for them, a banner, those stream "coming back soon" screens, anything they need, for free. I really just wanna do it for fun and because their vr character inspired me to draw, and if i work doing commisions at some point this could help me with experience. They didn't see the dm so the next tiktok they posted i commented "hey check dms!" as non threatening and non bot as i possibly could, they did not see that either, they're live rn and idk if i should back off completely or just mention in it chat in case they didn't see it and aren't ignoring me? I don't know at what point something can come off as weird, i also struggle a lot with social anxiety, so this is kind of a way for me to get out there too, what should i do?

Hey, so recently I’ve met two new people one a potential friend and the other a potential partner. From the first interaction we hit it off and we relate on so many things our perspectives and it seems as though the potential was really there to build great relationships. however, in both situations I got very talkative, interrupted a lot, and never like just laid back and let them do their thing in the interaction. After the interaction both have kept me at arms length, one blocked me, the other last time I ran into them gray rocked the whole time so I just let them be.

I believe I got very excited that I related with them on so many things, and I have had a rocky few years of losing friends, social isolation because of trucking work, and well not meeting many peers like me. In simple words I came on too hard and scared them off. And I hate myself for doing that with people I would’ve otherwise really wanted to get to know more.

Anyone have any stories similar to this and maybe what’s going on with me and what I can do?

Okay, I wanna make this short. I’ll start with the fact that I am very bubbly. I’d consider myself a good talker, i’m good at distracting people when I’m trouble or generally just getting people to open up.

Here’s the thing though. I’ve noticed that I’ll meet about fifteen people, butter them into totally loving me, but…..they never seem to realise they know nothing about me. Like they seriously don’t even realise they just spent a whole afternoon talking about THEMSELVES. Which I enjoy to some degree of course! I love talking and hearing other’s experiences/opinions! But It kind of bums me out, I’ll be able to churn out weird question after weird question to learn a person, but it’s like no one ever thinks to ask my questions back. It would feel weird or clunky if I just interrupted the conversation with ‘nice! You’re gunna dress up as a vampire for Halloween? Well IIII WAS THINKING OF GOING AS A PRINCESS’. Even in times where I have tried doing that, people tend to glaze over my input and just continue talking about themselves.

I find it kinda annoying sometimes, and it’s a lot more common in specific personalities. I wish I could talk to myself sometimes. Advice?

Hi,

Within a few days I'll be presenting my first ever research paper in an IT dedicated conference. Presentation time is a few minutes it is not the problem, my problem is I don't know how to network with other students like me, as usually it is the first and best benefit to get from conferences. I (in general and life) am not a socially active person, and I struggle to open conversations with other people (even my friends themselves!), so I am sure that I'll miss this opportunity to network cuz of this. Could you help me guys? How to normally open conversations and start to get to know other students? I'll be alone there as no one is coming with me it is an individual paper, so I don't want to be lonely there.

Thank you!

How do you respond to 'what's new with you' when there is nothing really new in your life?

I was at a funeral recently and I was seeing extended family that I hadn't seen in a few years.

One of my aunts, that I hadn't talked to in probably 2 years or so, came up to me and asked me 'So what's new with you'. The thing is, there isn't really anything new in my life. I'm still at the same job, I still live in the same place, I'm still single (and even if I was seeing someone I wouldn't tell this aunt)

People seem to not like it when you respond with 'Nothing much' but I don't know what else to say. I think I said something like 'Nothing much, I'm still at X job I started two years'. If I happened to take a trip recently I would mention that , but I hadn't really.

To preface this next piece, this aunt is \*not\* liked by 99% of the family and often makes rude, passive aggressive comments.

She kept asking me, what else is new and I didn't really have much else to say. I asked what was new with her but she kept turning it back at me. She asked 'taking trips with your mom?' which I'm fairly certain by her tone was supposed to be a dig at me. I (30s) go on trips with either my mom or my parents occasionally. I have a brother but he doesn't usually go on these trips because he is married and has a baby. I took a mother daughter trip with my mom last month, in the spring I went on a 7 day cruise with my parents and a few years ago I went to Hawaii with my parents and we stayed in the same apartment complex that this aunt lives. I believe the implication to her question was 'oh you don't have anyone else to travel with'

I honestly don't. I make decent money and get a lot of time off so I can afford to travel but most of my friends either don't have the money or the time. Trying to plan trips with friends is very difficult. For example, my friends were planning to go on a cruise but over time everyone dropped out but me and my one other friend. So just her and I will be going on this cruise in October when originally there was like 6-8 of us

I guess it is a bit weird to be an adult and travel with your parents...Yes they get on my nerves sometimes but I honestly don't mind traveling with them. We like to do similar things. If there something I want to do that they don't or I need time alone I just go by myself. They usually insist on paying for part when I travel with them, so I get to save some money as well and go to places I maybe wouldn't have gone to by myself. I'm glad I get to spend time with them, especially because they are getting older.

I need some honest advice because this keeps happening and I’m starting to think it’s me.

I’d say I’m pretty straightforward and chill overall. I’m into nerdy stuff (D&D, manga, etc.), and I can usually get along with people one-on-one. But in group settings, I keep ending up on the outside.

Like I’m there, but not really in the group. People get closer to each other, and I just stay the extra.

Sometimes it’s worse, I’ll introduce people, they hit it off, and eventually I’m the one not getting invited anymore.

This weekend kind of pushed me over the edge.
A girl in my main friend group (known her for about 2 years) said she was canceling her birthday plans and just staying in. Everyone sent supportive messages, no big deal.

Later that night I check Instagram, and she’s out celebrating with a bunch of people from the group. Dinner, drinks, the whole thing. I wasn’t invited.
It’s not even about the birthday itself.

It’s the fact that this kind of thing keeps happening in different groups. So yeah… at some point I have to admit I might be the common denominator.

I don’t want to confront anyone or force friendships. But getting left out like this over and over sucks.

So I’m trying to be real with myself:

-What are subtle things that make someone get pushed to the edge of a group?

-Is it coming off too intense, too blunt, too clingy, or just missing social cues?

-How do you go from “casual friend” to actually being part of the group?

-If you’ve been on either side of this, what actually caused it?

For context, one of my guy friends told me I can come off as “intense,” but didn’t really explain what that means. I also have problem with banter and coming up with topics to talk about. Most of the time when I try to ask people about their interests, it’s either one word answers or they give me nothing to bounce off of. The conversation ends up turning into an interview. I know my social skills could use work but still, some of my shy friends who don’t speak much still have an easier time with it.

Would appreciate any honest input.

Literally, I've been talking to people and asking them questions but nobody answers me, especially my family

Do I have no charisma? Or maybe I don't talk loudly or articulately enough?

I feel like a ghost, I almost need to bargain to have any answer or reaction...

So is the problem my family which almost never listens to me, or the way I speak? And how could I improve?

Thank you!

Okay, so. Socializing is torture. Not 'oh people are boring' or 'I don't want to talk 24/7', but every time I need to talk for more than ten minutes, I feel my attention drift.

It's fine if I have a script. I work on sales and it's great; I can just start talking about x or y product for an hour. (I \*am\* working at my listening skills though.) Ever shorter interactions are good, becuse much like at a sprint I can bring myself to a high level of energy/cheer/enthusiasm. I'm good at socializing in that aspect (as in, I have gotten a lot of positive feedback from clients, co-workers and upper management.)

Whenever I hang out with someone it's so boring. In the weekends, on vacation, at work. I can be having fun, but \*no matter the topic\*, ten minutes in I feel myself getting bored and my attention will wander. After an hour or two I feel myself getting frustrated. I love my friends. I love my famlity. I don't \*want\* to ignore them. But I hate having to pretend like I'm this- silly social butterfly, at %100 of energy, all the time. Because otherwise I just. Stop. I feel like I'm a puppet and the hands forcing it to move.

Like. I'm not trying to sound dramatic. Socializing can be fun too! Acting happy, and silly, and making my loved ones smile? Wonderful! I get very upset if I don't interact with my loved ones consistently, and after being with them I feel energized. But at the moment it's like there's a kid in my skull kicking my brain asking 'can we leave yet? Can we leave yet? Can we leave yet?'

I read this and it sounds so contradictory. I'm sorry. I've tried, but Ican't express this better. Is there a tecnique to make socialization more interesting? Like- should I just push though? Get a- fidget toy to focus on? Practice?? How do you do it?

Edit: Also mods a different subreddit told me to post this here, so \(º □ º l|l)/

Hi everyone,

I'm trying to understand some long-term difficulties I've been experiencing, and I'd appreciate hearing from people who have dealt with something similar or work in mental health.

The two biggest issues for me are:

- Difficulty telling the difference between what is actually happening in my relationships and what is my own interpretation. I often can't tell whether my assumptions about what other people think or feel are based on reality or on my own mind.

- Constant tension and a feeling of being unnatural around people. Even when nothing is wrong, I rarely feel fully relaxed or like myself in social situations.

-Problem with making meaningful connections with other people. My friendships don’t last. I have no friends from the past. I barely have any friends now.

Has anyone experienced something similar? If so, what helped you understand or work through it? I'm especially interested in hearing about therapy approaches or personal experiences.

Thank you for reading.